Today I am thankful for a vintage bass.
So....
I found out that another bass player conservative activist was stealing from the homeless at Cherry Creek Reservoir. I think it is with the help of a police officer.
He tried to intimidate the homeless with a dog and stole their tents and heaters.
I didn't believe the bassist's bragging story.
I went out, in the snow, and found one of the victims and heard the correlate story.
The man asked if I were an angel.
I told the man that I was no one special -but- that I knew people who wanted to help him.
Yes, numerous beautiful people want to help.....
reporters....
activists...
people who run charities....
and the like.
It's snowing.
It's cold.
The man told me he is safe and gave me his phone number to share with people who will offer shelter and help him. I gave him the numbers to people wanting to help him find a home.
I tried calling the man....no answer.
He's my age.
He works full time.
He was lulled into this situation by a woman who kicked him out.
I think the bass player harassed the homeless because of an idiotic woman who wants to be a famous activist. She sounds like a Nazi as she's hell bent on exterminating the homeless.
Hell....I'll make her infamous.
That bass player needs arrested. I've never been upset at another of my kind before.
There is a first time for everything.
So...I'm home...waiting for a phone call.....playing slap bass....scheming like I do when I play out of anger.
I logged in to Facebook.....
I hate that website -but- joy of joys -
I told the story
and
some politicians "liked" the story.
What do you want to bet that they'll help?
Let's see how this plays out.
Love ya,
S.
P.S. I had a dream that I ran a Pagan Charity for the homeless. It was called Hestia's Hearth.
If only I had money......
EDIT ONE MONTH LATER: I called reporters. They were not people I knew in the past but people who worked for papers that have helped me in the past. They ran the story.
Story 1: https://sentinelcolorado.com/news/metro/friends-and-foes-of-homeless-in-cherry-creek-state-park-at-odds-in-park-social-media/
Wouldn't you know it? The creepy wanna-be bass player and his wanna-be famous activist buddy were too afraid to use their full names.
Link to video: https://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/local-news/cherry-creek-state-park-sees-increase-in-homeless-camps
The man I met has a home now.
Video 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6aLO6hfvtw
Story 2: https://sentinelcolorado.com/news/metro/homeless-man-who-had-camping-rig-stolen-at-cherry-creek-park-gets-an-aurora-apartment/
I'm being told this guy (Dennis) and his friend (Patricia) are still stealing from the homeless. I'm going to the park every week looking for victims. A friend is working towards starting a charity to help them.
This is insane.
*****
My religious beliefs border on Deism. God created the world but is apart from it. It is up to us to solve our own problems with the tools given to us by divinity.
That said....
I have yet to light a black candle. I am very proud of myself.
My natural inclination has always been towards retribution -but- the last time I cast a spell it was a nightmare.
So....I'm going to focus on behaving myself and trying to solve problems without resorting to cray-cray magick.
It's hard.
One of the victims was just released from the hospital with pneumonia. I really want to see those two thieves in shackles. Would he have been sick if they didn't steal his shelter and heater?
Sigh....
May Nemesis stalk and stare those troublemakers who create havoc and cease to care.
Love ya,
S.
Monday, November 25, 2019
Sunday, November 24, 2019
Anger Loading in....5.....4....3....2.....
Today I thankful for anger.
I thought that my last post would be the best ending for the blog. The blog is a story. We become stories after we die.
I went to the funeral of a friend on Friday.
I could talk about her death.
I'm not ready to talk about her death.
I thought that my last post would be the best ending for the blog. The blog is a story. We become stories after we die.
I went to the funeral of a friend on Friday.
I could talk about her death.
I'm not ready to talk about her death.
She's going to be more than a story. She's a legend.
If she hadn't passed she'd be pissed as hell right now.
Maybe she's still with me.
Perhaps this beautiful angel led me to the reasons for my anger.
*****
I have one hell of a to-do list tomorrow.
So....long story short....
The local tea party that I was previously heavily involved in -
IS HARASSING HOMELESS PEOPLE AND STEALING THEIR PROPERTY!!!
They are publishing pictures and gleeful admissions of guilt online.
My printer is going crazy....
if the police ignore this, I'm going to stare down our new city council at the study session tomorrow.
They won't recognize me.
I dyed my hair black.
I didn't do it on purpose. I tried to hide the gray and left the auburn die one my hair for an hour.
It's black.
It's nice.
I've been approached by a couple of senators telling me I look familiar but no one can place me.
I smile. Tell them we must have met somewhere.
I walk away.
They may not recognize me.
They'll know my smirk soon enough.
What the holy hell?
Why are the Republicans stealing property of homeless people in a State Park?
They tell me it is the libertarian thing to do.
No. It's not.
The libertarian thing to do is to donate time and money to charity. The libertarian thing to do is fight stupid licensing laws and taxes that make it expensive for people to earn money. The libertarian thing to do is to fight stupid building codes that make housing expensive.
Why the hell do we need to force building owners to plant gardens on their roofs?
That shit drives up the cost of housing.
A true libertarian wouldn't run homeless people off of public property. They'd wonder why the government owns public property in the first place?
I'm happy the people are using their property. It doesn't belong to the government.
It belongs to the taxpayers. I'd bet that those homeless people pay some form of taxes (e.g. sales tax, gas tax, maybe even income tax).
I'm mad.
Republicans don't understand social issues. I tired to warn them about TB and HEP B and C. Maybe that will scare them away from harassing homeless people
*****
It would be nice if that were the only reason I have to go to the municipal building tomorrow.
It's not.
Damn.....
I took out a loan from the city to help get my home up to code. They hired a contractor who ruined my house.
They ruined my floors. Not a problem....I know people who can tear it up and fix it.
They ruined my plumbing. It first it was just the pipes in the washroom and leaks under the new sinks. I was going to pay someone to fix them.
Now, they've ruined the pressure valve. I'm beginning to wonder what else they broke. I am so pissed off. The city won't release the loan money to fix the contractor's mistake.
They want to ask taxpayers to pay for it. They want to give me a grant.
If it's a loan, I can pay it back when I refinance.
I'm not stealing any more of the taxpayer's money.
I'm irritated.
To top it off, the contractor sent his son to the house to beg for money to buy parts for the work because they have no money.
That's what the loan was for.
So, I have to talk to Neighborhood Services.
My daughter literally sues bad contractors. She came to the house today and gave me an earful.
It appears I have representation.
Damn it!
Why can't people just do what the hell they're supposed to do?
I have a friend who works for HUD (the people who wrote the rules about the loan I took out). He gave me an earful, too. He wants to fly out here to fix the problem and chew out the locals.
This has gone too far.
*****
Of course, before I can call Neighborhood Services, I have to make sure no one will be fined by the Aurora HR department.
They, of course, are refusing to return my calls to ask if they really did get rid of the last page of the employee manual - the one that states they fine their employees in cash for mistakes.
Rumor has it, they stopped the practice.
I'd like some confirmation before I offer feedback.
*****
So tomorrow,
I have to a plumber,
I have to hire someone to pick up the contractor's trash,
I have to go to the dentist (so my grin looks pretty),
I have to call the rangers at the Cherry Creek State Park,
Then off to the Aurora Taj Mahal -
to talk to homeless services,
to talk to the police department,
to talk to the human resource department,
to talk to the city manager (if I can't get a straight answer from HR),
to talk to the victim advocate's office (homeless abuse, domestic violence again),
to talk to Neighborhood Services,
to talk to the Water Department
and to stare down the elected officials.
IF ALL OF THAT FAILS, I'M GOING TO THE PRESS TO RAT OUT THE ACTIVISTS HASSLING THE HOMELESS.
The bad loan and crappy contractors can be lawyer fodder. I am livid about people hassling the homeless.
I'm so darn lucky, I had another activist offer to help me.
I don't know the moral of the story.
I guess it is to never trust the government?
or maybe it is that many Republicans are hypocrites?
Or that activists go gray early and don't get enough sleep hence falling asleep and ending up with raven hair?
I don't know.
All I know is that there is no rest for the wicked.
***
I also learned some bozo is abusing my daughter. The cops are doing their stupid ignoring crap*
His parents are going to pray for her.
They said that I could pray for him.
Okay, my black candles are lit.
I'm woke.
It would have been best to let me sleep.
* The Aurora cops are also ignoring a battered woman I met through work. She's too afraid of calling now because they come out and threaten to arrest her.
I thought it was jut me.
Damn....I've got work to do.
If all goes well, you won't see my ugly mug in the papers.
If not.....sorry. At least my teeth will be clean.
Perhaps the moral is this....
our stories continue until our last breath.
Love ya,
S.
Monday, October 14, 2019
We Are All Stories In the End
Today I am thankful for the city employee claiming he knew part of my story.
I tried very, very hard not to get snarky.
I'm actually proud of myself.
I didn't ask what part of my story he knew.
Did he know the bit about my fighting tax hikes?
Did he know the bit about the city attorney harassing me because I complained about ageism and illegal fines towards city employees?
Or is he referring to my divorce?
I don't know.....
The only part of my story he knew was the bit about the washing machine. He asked about it. I told him because I thought is was relevant and funny.
That was about an hour before he made the claim. I don't even understand what brought it about.
All it does is remind me that men are weird.
*****
Typically when men say bizarre things it is because they are feeling bizarre things in response to bizarre energy.
I was probably being creepy.
He could probably sense that I thought he was adorable.
He was possibly the first guy I met outside of my tribe with the same religious belief system - so that just made him 100x more adorable.
But - but....
there is always a but....
he's a government employee.
I fear the city fined his boss before firing him.
Ugh....that's just another battle I neglected to finish.
So....I'll try to explain.
I am evil.
I took a loan from the city to get my house up to code to comply with the law: It was biggest mistake of my life.
I'm trying not to be impatient and nasty. I'm secretly working on getting another, more expensive loan, because I think this situation has violated my morals (and they ruined the inside of my house but I'm trying not to complain....never trust the government...never).
Yes, I make mistakes.
I've made some whoppers. .
I don't like to tell my full story.
The mistakes I make are my story.
The mistakes of others are their stories.
I tell a good chunk of it here but there isn't enough time to share it all.
I tell enough of it....here...where it is safe.
Right now, I feel the need to stay mum. People are shocked when they learn that I've been orphaned, in foster care, divorced and have four girls.
The other day I had a clerk disbelieve my driver's license when I bought cigarettes for a patient.
She thought my ID was fake because I was obviously not a day over 35.
I probably should have smiled and exposed my eye wrinkles for her.
*****
Stories.....I'm having trouble understanding stories.
At work, we've had problems with nurses telling their addiction stories to clients.
I wanted to teach one nurse why one doesn't tell a story.
So I told a snippet of my story. I told the one about the errant shrink who I had to console because the focal point of our session was about the death of her mother at the hands of her father.
The nurse...well, she kept asking me questions....
She asked, "why would the therapist talk about her mother's death at the hands of her father?"
Because when she asked about my childhood, I divulged that my mom was murdered by my step-dad.
The nurse became horrified.
She became worried about me. Let it be known that this seems like an entirely different lifetime to me. My mom died 38 years ago!
She didn't focus on the moral - the lesson is to give the time to the people in need not the helpers.
She's worried about me.
I guess my mission was accomplished in a round about sort of way.
All it did was show the other nurses why we don't share our stories - people worry about us!
The last thing our patients need is to waste their time worrying about us.
That wasn't exactly what I was aiming for.
I was just trying to point out that it is uncomfortable to be a patient spending an hour consoling someone we've paid to help us.
I guess, it doesn't matter how the message was shared.
The point got across.
I'll take it.
*****
Stories...
at 50, I don't really have a story.
My life is more of a combination of stories.
My current story? Well....I don't really understand it. It's like a mystery that I haven't yet figured out.
The more I think about the stalking crap, the more I try to make sense of it, the less I understand it.
How can I write an end to that chapter without understanding it?
The more I think back over my ex husband's lies, the more I think of the character Verbal in The Usual Suspects. I guess I had a Verbal in my life.
I don't know where I am.
I don't know who I am.
I don't know what to do.
All I know is this....
We all have stories.
This is because we are put in this plane of existence to learn and grow.
Some stories sound worse than others - but - this is subjective.
I know women who are more traumatized by a broken nail than other women who have lost limbs.
We cannot judge what one is going through.
Somehow I believe that the universe dishes trauma out to everyone.
I don't know if my story is worse than any others.
*****
I can't have a crush or attraction for anyone.
It's been said that I'm Asexual.
I don't know.
That is what the kids call me because I don't date.
The stalking taught me to avoid friendships. Now that it appears to be over, I'm not sure I'm ready to test the waters.
I'll explain that one, too.
There is a pharmaceutical salesman who is said to have the hots for me.
My colleagues are telling me that he wants me.
He's always flirting with me and asking for me.
He's adorable
-but-
the thought of dating anyone makes me sick to my stomach.
I've become incredibly OCD.
I could never get clean enough to get close to anyone.
That's possibly the trauma talking.
It could simply be that I do not know how to end this chapter of my story.
I don't even understand my story.
It's a little offensive for another person to claim he knows part of it.
****
I tried very, very hard not to get snarky.
I'm actually proud of myself.
I didn't ask what part of my story he knew.
Did he know the bit about my fighting tax hikes?
Did he know the bit about the city attorney harassing me because I complained about ageism and illegal fines towards city employees?
Or is he referring to my divorce?
I don't know.....
The only part of my story he knew was the bit about the washing machine. He asked about it. I told him because I thought is was relevant and funny.
That was about an hour before he made the claim. I don't even understand what brought it about.
All it does is remind me that men are weird.
*****
Typically when men say bizarre things it is because they are feeling bizarre things in response to bizarre energy.
I was probably being creepy.
He could probably sense that I thought he was adorable.
He was possibly the first guy I met outside of my tribe with the same religious belief system - so that just made him 100x more adorable.
But - but....
there is always a but....
he's a government employee.
I fear the city fined his boss before firing him.
Ugh....that's just another battle I neglected to finish.
So....I'll try to explain.
I am evil.
I took a loan from the city to get my house up to code to comply with the law: It was biggest mistake of my life.
I'm trying not to be impatient and nasty. I'm secretly working on getting another, more expensive loan, because I think this situation has violated my morals (and they ruined the inside of my house but I'm trying not to complain....never trust the government...never).
Yes, I make mistakes.
I've made some whoppers. .
I don't like to tell my full story.
The mistakes I make are my story.
The mistakes of others are their stories.
I tell a good chunk of it here but there isn't enough time to share it all.
I tell enough of it....here...where it is safe.
Right now, I feel the need to stay mum. People are shocked when they learn that I've been orphaned, in foster care, divorced and have four girls.
The other day I had a clerk disbelieve my driver's license when I bought cigarettes for a patient.
She thought my ID was fake because I was obviously not a day over 35.
I probably should have smiled and exposed my eye wrinkles for her.
*****
Stories.....I'm having trouble understanding stories.
At work, we've had problems with nurses telling their addiction stories to clients.
I wanted to teach one nurse why one doesn't tell a story.
So I told a snippet of my story. I told the one about the errant shrink who I had to console because the focal point of our session was about the death of her mother at the hands of her father.
The nurse...well, she kept asking me questions....
She asked, "why would the therapist talk about her mother's death at the hands of her father?"
Because when she asked about my childhood, I divulged that my mom was murdered by my step-dad.
The nurse became horrified.
She became worried about me. Let it be known that this seems like an entirely different lifetime to me. My mom died 38 years ago!
She didn't focus on the moral - the lesson is to give the time to the people in need not the helpers.
She's worried about me.
I guess my mission was accomplished in a round about sort of way.
All it did was show the other nurses why we don't share our stories - people worry about us!
The last thing our patients need is to waste their time worrying about us.
That wasn't exactly what I was aiming for.
I was just trying to point out that it is uncomfortable to be a patient spending an hour consoling someone we've paid to help us.
I guess, it doesn't matter how the message was shared.
The point got across.
I'll take it.
*****
Stories...
at 50, I don't really have a story.
My life is more of a combination of stories.
My current story? Well....I don't really understand it. It's like a mystery that I haven't yet figured out.
The more I think about the stalking crap, the more I try to make sense of it, the less I understand it.
How can I write an end to that chapter without understanding it?
The more I think back over my ex husband's lies, the more I think of the character Verbal in The Usual Suspects. I guess I had a Verbal in my life.
I don't know where I am.
I don't know who I am.
I don't know what to do.
All I know is this....
We all have stories.
This is because we are put in this plane of existence to learn and grow.
Some stories sound worse than others - but - this is subjective.
I know women who are more traumatized by a broken nail than other women who have lost limbs.
We cannot judge what one is going through.
Somehow I believe that the universe dishes trauma out to everyone.
I don't know if my story is worse than any others.
*****
I can't have a crush or attraction for anyone.
It's been said that I'm Asexual.
I don't know.
That is what the kids call me because I don't date.
The stalking taught me to avoid friendships. Now that it appears to be over, I'm not sure I'm ready to test the waters.
I'll explain that one, too.
There is a pharmaceutical salesman who is said to have the hots for me.
My colleagues are telling me that he wants me.
He's always flirting with me and asking for me.
He's adorable
-but-
the thought of dating anyone makes me sick to my stomach.
I've become incredibly OCD.
I could never get clean enough to get close to anyone.
That's possibly the trauma talking.
It could simply be that I do not know how to end this chapter of my story.
I don't even understand my story.
It's a little offensive for another person to claim he knows part of it.
****
To quote a favorite Sci Fi Character
"We are all stores in the end." - Dr. Who.
Thursday, October 10, 2019
Lesson of a Decade From the City of Aurora
Today I am thankful for clarity.
This will be short. I'm incredibly busy with school and working my jobs.
I had to share this.
About eleven years ago, the Tax Audit Supervisor for the City of Aurora stole $500 from my family.
When I asked why she took the money, I was harassed on the phone.
It went to court.
In court, I was slandered and libeled to the hilt. These people never met me. They never knew of my activism (as it had all been in Denver and under my birth name).
I still have binders full of print outs of court documents and online bs which named me.
Why do I suddenly sound like Mitt Romney?
Anyway, the Aurora leadership (city attorneys, city manager, city council) carried on in such a fashion that I knew there was corruption and I set out to investigate it. I would learn from a city council member that they were told to ignore my pleas for information.
I figured out something was up when a city attorney called me and basically inspired me to do something in her nastiness.
People don't get nasty unless they're hiding something, right?
This perceived corruption led me to help on a team fighting De-Brucing tax hike schemes.
As I got involved, I learned more and more. I learned that a woman in police custody was sexually assaulted. When she reported the assault, she was beaten and arrested because the cops did not like her use of the word "cunt."
This is a big part of why I ran for office back in 2011.
I was livid but wanted to keep it on the down low for the young lady involved.
With a little help from the other candidates, the charges against this woman were dropped right before the election.
We are all connected. An injustice against one human being is an injustice against us all.
****
Fast forward to 2019. I'm happily working as a counselor.
This is what I want to do.
On Monday, I sat in a clinical supervision meeting in a town TWO HOURS FROM DENVER. From my point of view, Aurora is becoming the horror show of the entire State of Colorado.
A psychologist there told me of the Aurora police department shooting a young BLACK man dead for wearing a ski mask due to a skin condition.
He didn't break any laws.
Why in the heck does the City of Aurora not train their police officers in mental health??!!
Holy Crap!
I lost count of how many innocent people the police department have shot in the past 18 months.
I am livid.
So....I guess....my spirit won't rest until I go back to fighting.
Damn it....
If I had only completed my work and exposed the corruption the first time, perhaps this bullshit wouldn't be happening as much as it is today.
I'll let you read the story for yourself.
https://www.westword.com/news/elijah-mcclain-aurora-police-death-update-11498947
The lesson - fight corruption always and completely. If we give in too soon, it will be worse. More people will be hurt in ever worsening ways.
Think about it - Elijah McClain could have been your son, your brother, your cousin, your somebody. He is important to someone. That someone deserves real answers.
I only lost $500 and had my fourth amendment rights violated a couple of times (but, to be fair, I'm pretty sure my piss poor acting and ugly figure scarred the cop involved for life).
Other people are being murdered.
I wish the powers that be would behave and act in authenticity, honesty and complete transparency. I'd rather do other things with my time.
The Gods put this fire in me for a reason.
See you at the Taj Mahal on Chambers.
Love ya,
S.
P.S. Yep - I'm thinking about painting the shitty cops to make 'em famous. Or, if I get names, we could always immortalize them in song.
I think I'll call it "I can't breathe."
If I can come up with a melody, it's hitting the studio.
If names are not forthcoming, I guess we can immortalize Matthew L (the name of the public information officer who is publicly paid to hide the information from the public). That could be a dark song. To be fair, I'd have to name the City Attorney and Manager, too.
Choices, choices.....
Let me sit in on a meeting and see what strikes my fancy.
This will be short. I'm incredibly busy with school and working my jobs.
I had to share this.
About eleven years ago, the Tax Audit Supervisor for the City of Aurora stole $500 from my family.
When I asked why she took the money, I was harassed on the phone.
It went to court.
In court, I was slandered and libeled to the hilt. These people never met me. They never knew of my activism (as it had all been in Denver and under my birth name).
I still have binders full of print outs of court documents and online bs which named me.
Why do I suddenly sound like Mitt Romney?
Anyway, the Aurora leadership (city attorneys, city manager, city council) carried on in such a fashion that I knew there was corruption and I set out to investigate it. I would learn from a city council member that they were told to ignore my pleas for information.
I figured out something was up when a city attorney called me and basically inspired me to do something in her nastiness.
People don't get nasty unless they're hiding something, right?
This perceived corruption led me to help on a team fighting De-Brucing tax hike schemes.
As I got involved, I learned more and more. I learned that a woman in police custody was sexually assaulted. When she reported the assault, she was beaten and arrested because the cops did not like her use of the word "cunt."
This is a big part of why I ran for office back in 2011.
I was livid but wanted to keep it on the down low for the young lady involved.
With a little help from the other candidates, the charges against this woman were dropped right before the election.
We are all connected. An injustice against one human being is an injustice against us all.
****
Fast forward to 2019. I'm happily working as a counselor.
This is what I want to do.
On Monday, I sat in a clinical supervision meeting in a town TWO HOURS FROM DENVER. From my point of view, Aurora is becoming the horror show of the entire State of Colorado.
A psychologist there told me of the Aurora police department shooting a young BLACK man dead for wearing a ski mask due to a skin condition.
He didn't break any laws.
Why in the heck does the City of Aurora not train their police officers in mental health??!!
Holy Crap!
I lost count of how many innocent people the police department have shot in the past 18 months.
I am livid.
So....I guess....my spirit won't rest until I go back to fighting.
Damn it....
If I had only completed my work and exposed the corruption the first time, perhaps this bullshit wouldn't be happening as much as it is today.
I'll let you read the story for yourself.
https://www.westword.com/news/elijah-mcclain-aurora-police-death-update-11498947
The lesson - fight corruption always and completely. If we give in too soon, it will be worse. More people will be hurt in ever worsening ways.
Think about it - Elijah McClain could have been your son, your brother, your cousin, your somebody. He is important to someone. That someone deserves real answers.
I only lost $500 and had my fourth amendment rights violated a couple of times (but, to be fair, I'm pretty sure my piss poor acting and ugly figure scarred the cop involved for life).
Other people are being murdered.
I wish the powers that be would behave and act in authenticity, honesty and complete transparency. I'd rather do other things with my time.
The Gods put this fire in me for a reason.
See you at the Taj Mahal on Chambers.
Love ya,
S.
P.S. Yep - I'm thinking about painting the shitty cops to make 'em famous. Or, if I get names, we could always immortalize them in song.
I think I'll call it "I can't breathe."
If I can come up with a melody, it's hitting the studio.
If names are not forthcoming, I guess we can immortalize Matthew L (the name of the public information officer who is publicly paid to hide the information from the public). That could be a dark song. To be fair, I'd have to name the City Attorney and Manager, too.
Choices, choices.....
Let me sit in on a meeting and see what strikes my fancy.
Friday, October 4, 2019
Troubling Visions and Nightmares
Today I am thankful for the lessons my patients teach me.
I apologize for not writing over the past few weeks. I've been overwhelmingly busy between the two jobs and school.
Even my beloved business is falling to the way side.
I had a guy from high school warn me that I was at risk of becoming "dull" - as he put it - 'all work and no play make Jill a dull girl."
There is a lot I can say about turning 50. I meant to go bass guitar shopping but I wound up at a used record/book store from my youth. I bought a bunch of occult books and pissed off the leftist cashier who bemoaned the Hobby Lobby and Chick Fil-A who have moved into the shopping center.
I guess he thought I was a demoncrat due to the books I bought. I don't remember everything I told the socialist - but I may not be welcome in that store again.
The books I found were worth hundreds of dollars. I picked up five of them for $63. I'll probably keep them to explore. There is a reason for my interest. Carl Jung was into occultism. The readings can help me understand his theories in a greater depth.
Nope, I didn't find a bass I wanted. I have a friend who is scouting the stores for me - I just wish he'd stop trying to get me to buy a cheap Squire bass. There is a $700 blue Steinberger that sounds nice. I can't buy it because I have to spend $5500 to go to court to get my ex to help with health insurance for the girls.
My old Peavey is selling for over $800 now. The store wanted to trade it for the Steinberger.
It's not going to happen.
I'm realizing that I'm not being myself. When I don't do the things I love (e.g. draw and play music), I lose the experience of synchronicity. Without the magick of synchronicity, my life sucks.
I'm also finding that, just as my hypnosis clients tended to be musicians, most of my addiction clients are musicians, too.
My tribe is finding me. I need to stop pretending to be someone I'm not just to be seen as a professional therapist.
People can spot fake a mile away. I may as well be more real.
This is the first lesson I've gleaned working with people in recovery - be authentic.
*****
There are so many other things I can write about: Political bullshit, Colorado wanting to be rid of TABOR while tax dollars go to helping abusive men to legally bully their former wives, Aurora cops refusing to take police reports for property damage from people trying to break into houses (yep, it's happening to my neighbors now) and putting together a stalking resource guide (which I've been working on but have to publish).
There is so much to say and so little time.
I had a dream that is causing me to write.
*****
I am having visions of three bodies being pulled from the mud. I'm wondering if this is in Latin America as I'm seeing the rescuers riding donkeys.
I don't know anything about the sport which requires trekking in the mud.
I know even less about the cultures in which burros are popular.
I only know that I have met ONE man who does that for sport.
I'll put the warning out into the universe.
The last time I had dreams which warned me of a broken leg, it took six years for them to come to pass.
Forewarned is forearmed.
I just don't know what hikers do to protect themselves during mudslides. If I can figure out what equipment will help, I'll send a Birthday/Christmas gift.
Love ya,
S.
I apologize for not writing over the past few weeks. I've been overwhelmingly busy between the two jobs and school.
Even my beloved business is falling to the way side.
I had a guy from high school warn me that I was at risk of becoming "dull" - as he put it - 'all work and no play make Jill a dull girl."
There is a lot I can say about turning 50. I meant to go bass guitar shopping but I wound up at a used record/book store from my youth. I bought a bunch of occult books and pissed off the leftist cashier who bemoaned the Hobby Lobby and Chick Fil-A who have moved into the shopping center.
I guess he thought I was a demoncrat due to the books I bought. I don't remember everything I told the socialist - but I may not be welcome in that store again.
The books I found were worth hundreds of dollars. I picked up five of them for $63. I'll probably keep them to explore. There is a reason for my interest. Carl Jung was into occultism. The readings can help me understand his theories in a greater depth.
Nope, I didn't find a bass I wanted. I have a friend who is scouting the stores for me - I just wish he'd stop trying to get me to buy a cheap Squire bass. There is a $700 blue Steinberger that sounds nice. I can't buy it because I have to spend $5500 to go to court to get my ex to help with health insurance for the girls.
My old Peavey is selling for over $800 now. The store wanted to trade it for the Steinberger.
It's not going to happen.
I'm realizing that I'm not being myself. When I don't do the things I love (e.g. draw and play music), I lose the experience of synchronicity. Without the magick of synchronicity, my life sucks.
I'm also finding that, just as my hypnosis clients tended to be musicians, most of my addiction clients are musicians, too.
My tribe is finding me. I need to stop pretending to be someone I'm not just to be seen as a professional therapist.
People can spot fake a mile away. I may as well be more real.
This is the first lesson I've gleaned working with people in recovery - be authentic.
*****
There are so many other things I can write about: Political bullshit, Colorado wanting to be rid of TABOR while tax dollars go to helping abusive men to legally bully their former wives, Aurora cops refusing to take police reports for property damage from people trying to break into houses (yep, it's happening to my neighbors now) and putting together a stalking resource guide (which I've been working on but have to publish).
There is so much to say and so little time.
I had a dream that is causing me to write.
*****
I am having visions of three bodies being pulled from the mud. I'm wondering if this is in Latin America as I'm seeing the rescuers riding donkeys.
I don't know anything about the sport which requires trekking in the mud.
I know even less about the cultures in which burros are popular.
I only know that I have met ONE man who does that for sport.
I'll put the warning out into the universe.
The last time I had dreams which warned me of a broken leg, it took six years for them to come to pass.
Forewarned is forearmed.
I just don't know what hikers do to protect themselves during mudslides. If I can figure out what equipment will help, I'll send a Birthday/Christmas gift.
Love ya,
S.
Monday, August 26, 2019
The Truth Hurts
Today I am thankful for finally seeing the truth.
Even though a former professor told me my ex was stalking me back in 2004....
even though an Aurora cop told me the same thing in 2012.....
part of me has always held out hope that we were wrong.
We are not.
I found the definitive proof today.
As you know, over the past 27 years and seven months, I have dealt with break-ins.
My ex always blamed his sister.
She allegedly died in 2015.
The break-ins continued. After her death, I became incredibly fearful because it didn't stop.
Locks were consistently broken.
I couldn't figure it out.
My ex claimed it was his family.
In 2013, he told me that he sent his sister a key and told her to come to the house any time. Then he said he was kidding.
I was terrified. He didn't seem to want to solve the problem - he didn't do therapy. He didn't want to move.
Locks continued to be broken until I could afford to take him back to court to get him out of my house in December 2016.
******
My ex refused to move out of our home for several years after we were legally separated. It cost me, to date, over $20,000 in legal fees to get him to follow our original agreement.
He will never honor it. He's found taxpayer funded helpers that provide him free legal services.
Yes, my ex claims to be a victim.
He is running around telling everyone that I'm a liar. Well....maybe when it comes to the metaphysical entities that I write about....maybe.....
any metaphysical experiences are typically just a manifestation of my subconscious.
The stalking.....
the stalking is real.
It's frightfully real.
******
Over the past few months, I have had the home renovated. Things are being moved about. I found my fireproof safe. It was missing keys.
Today I found the little box that contains my spare keys.
In it
I found the key to my unused post office box.
I found keys to cars I no longer have.
I even found a key to my safe.
Then I found a strange key in a bizarre Cam. . This key was perfectly flat.
Curious, I went to Google.
It's the kind of key used for lock picking.
I wasn't sure despite Google, so I took it to a locksmith.
Low and behold, it is a lock picking kit.
I'm broken hearted.
*****
I am 100% sure my ex is the stalker now. All that time, he let me fret and worry. He was the one breaking the locks.
He couldn't see to tell me the truth.
I am very hurt.
I can let go of any guilt about blaming him now.
I'm not going to give him any energy that would enable him to get out of paying me the money that he owes me now. I don't reward bad behavior. It's a pity the State of Colorado does.
It's good to know the truth. I'll donate some funds to a police charity.
I can let go of the fear. The harassers are only working on behalf of my former husband.
I guess I can call this closure.
Love ya,
S.
Saturday, August 24, 2019
Show Business for Ugly People
Today I am thankful for being old.
The recent political hijinks at the office with the liberal therapist has me reflecting on politics and why I'm so mad.
She allegedly yelled at a patient because he was watching the news. Trump happened to be on the news.
I will never understand someone letting their hate towards a politician impact them at work.
No one is perfect - but therapists should, at the very least, know enough to treat people with respect. We should model respect for each other.
The errant therapist ran into me with her head down. She said hello but I could tell she was angry (possibly at me). You know what? Despite my disgust, I feel sorry for her.
I was informed of her antics by two upset patients. That makes me feel sad for everyone involved.
I am well aware that advocating for the patients will probably get me in trouble. I could lose that particular job because I passed on the information to the powers that be. I AM, sadly, looking for another job. Such is life....
There is something else that bothers me. It's sad that she's treating politics as a spectator sport. In fact, far too many people do that.
If she really wants to get involved, I know a few people....
Then I realized, she's probably bought into the bull....
I reflected on the bull. Politics is a joke. The behavior of the politicians isn't a joke because the laws they pass eventually impact us all (usually in a negative manner).
The crap they show in the media is a joke. You have to attend the meetings to understand what is going on.
It's easier to make an impact on a local level.
****
Gosh, I'm old.
I'm old enough to know that Trump is at heart, a Democrat.
In fact, he was a registered Democrat and friend to Hillary Clinton. When he ran for the highest office in the land, I thought he did it to help Hillary win.
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/06/magazine/when-hillary-and-donald-were-friends.html
Who in their right mind would vote for him?
I am serious when I say that I honestly thought that Trump threw his hat in the ring to ensure Hillary's win.
Apparently, dancing babies are still popular.
You have to search deep to find the information. Back in 2015, it was very easy to find. In the early 2000s, Trump was indeed a registered Democrat.
*****
Trump is No conservative. In fact, he's not even much of a libertarian.
I will tell you that I did not vote for him because he tried to steal property from a little old lady.
https://www.nytimes.com/1998/07/26/nyregion/in-brief-follow-ups-judge-rejects-property-seizure.html
That makes him an eminent domain loving, anti-property rights cad. This is exactly what governments do, they steal property form the poor and give it to the rich.
https://ij.org/press-release/top-ten-worst-abuses-of-eminent-domain-spotlighted-in-new-report/
Smaller government makes me happy. Trump is NOT conservative at all.
He's a flippin' RINO!
What is a RINO?
Well, it is a 'Republican In Name Only.' It is a fake, fraud, hypocritical conservative.
I hate RINOs.
In my mind, it makes him a Democrat. In fact, he tried to steal the old lady's house WHEN HE WAS A REGISTERED DEMOCRAT.
Disgusting.
*****
That said, I'm old enough to remember watching a certain Senator from Illinois state that he could never be president because he wasn't born in the United States. His mom was a US citizen, so maybe he didn't understand that he was a citizen. Babies born outside of the US to US citizens often had their birth certificates registered in Hawaii.
That was in 2002. I tried to find the clip in 2008 but it had seemingly been scrubbed from the internet.
Don't even get me started on Hillary. She can't take responsibility for her errors. True leaders take responsibility for their mistakes. She blames everyone else.
For that sole reason, she'll NEVER be a good politician.
Perhaps the Democrats could consider running another woman. Hillary's husband embarrassed her with his endless affairs. She is portrayed as weak. She may have had a shot if she didn't badmouth those of us who didn't vote for her as "deplorables."
Hell....I'm proud to be a deplorable.
That stupid woman alienated more people than she knows with that one damn label.
Me? Well....I voted for two people I knew personally even though they told me not to throw my vote away. I couldn't vote for anyone else.
In 2016, our primary choices were; victim, jerk or pothead.
So I voted for people I actually like. I wish I had money to send them.
On the bright side, Trump IS entertaining. I may just vote for him next time around because he saves me so much dough on movie tickets.
*****
Trump being a turkey does not mean that therapists get to abuse other people for their perceived political beliefs. I'm disgusted at what I heard. I am further disgused at the aftermath. I'll stay silent for now.
Maybe some day I can be on the licensure board to make my voice heard. I was offered a seat in 2009. I should have taken it.
I wanted to fix another problem.
I don't even think the patient liked Trump in the first place. He was, essentially, embarrassed for watching the news.
Sigh...
I should try to get on the licensure board. That would probably solve the problem without embarrassing anyone. I didn't see the entire event so I cannot file a formal complaint.
I could do other things.
******
Here is my dilemma.
There is always a possibility of turning into what one hates.
I hate politicians. I was pissed off enough once to pretend to be one.
That's not something I'd like to repeat.
I don't want to get so angry at someone who yelled at a another human being to the point where I feel the need to yell.
Yeah, I have to be mindful lest I start an unending diatribe against a therapist who behaved badly.
It's sad.
I have to do some self reflecting. If I can find words that I can recite without glaring, I'll invite the lady to meet some movers and shakers.
I'm, quite honestly, looking for office space with more reputable people. If I hang around this woman and she does it again, I'll probably get grieved and put both of my psychotherapy jobs a risk.
I can't afford that.
******
If you don't hear anything....hear this.
Critical thinking is important.
The media has always been full of crap. Think about things before jumping on the band wagon.
It's sad, but for the past ten years, the best unbiased news source has been https://www.aljazeera.com/
I've had friends call me no end of names for that.
Who cares what people think?
As of right now, it is NOT a crime to be informed. The only people punishing informed citizens are the San Francisco tech giants.
Facebooks is dying. Twitter died ten years ago. YouTube has been a gigantic mess for about eight years.
The tech giants should stop playing politics and focus on business.
I have to work on being a better role model.
Understand
Politics is NOT a spectator sport.
Politicians are RARELY what they seem.
If I could talk some sense into the RINOs and Democrats, I'd remind them of the purpose of the Second Amendment - to protect ourselves from the government.
The gun grabbers are going to lead citizens into a war against our own government. It's happened before. Let's just say this - government soldiers have pulled the trigger of the biggest mass shooting in US history (Wounded Knee). They did this after disarming the tribes.
I didn't learn this in school. The teachings were passed down by my Cherokee step-father.
The tribespeople were disarmed.
The US government isn't the only government to pull that abuse.
May the Great Spirit watch us from above so that we NEVER have another trail of tears.
Remember, we need to model respect. Respect is a trickle-up phenomenon. It starts at the micro-level and works it's way up.
Love ya,
S.
The recent political hijinks at the office with the liberal therapist has me reflecting on politics and why I'm so mad.
She allegedly yelled at a patient because he was watching the news. Trump happened to be on the news.
I will never understand someone letting their hate towards a politician impact them at work.
No one is perfect - but therapists should, at the very least, know enough to treat people with respect. We should model respect for each other.
The errant therapist ran into me with her head down. She said hello but I could tell she was angry (possibly at me). You know what? Despite my disgust, I feel sorry for her.
I was informed of her antics by two upset patients. That makes me feel sad for everyone involved.
I am well aware that advocating for the patients will probably get me in trouble. I could lose that particular job because I passed on the information to the powers that be. I AM, sadly, looking for another job. Such is life....
There is something else that bothers me. It's sad that she's treating politics as a spectator sport. In fact, far too many people do that.
If she really wants to get involved, I know a few people....
Then I realized, she's probably bought into the bull....
I reflected on the bull. Politics is a joke. The behavior of the politicians isn't a joke because the laws they pass eventually impact us all (usually in a negative manner).
The crap they show in the media is a joke. You have to attend the meetings to understand what is going on.
It's easier to make an impact on a local level.
****
Gosh, I'm old.
I'm old enough to know that Trump is at heart, a Democrat.
In fact, he was a registered Democrat and friend to Hillary Clinton. When he ran for the highest office in the land, I thought he did it to help Hillary win.
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/06/magazine/when-hillary-and-donald-were-friends.html
Who in their right mind would vote for him?
I am serious when I say that I honestly thought that Trump threw his hat in the ring to ensure Hillary's win.
Apparently, dancing babies are still popular.
You have to search deep to find the information. Back in 2015, it was very easy to find. In the early 2000s, Trump was indeed a registered Democrat.
*****
Trump is No conservative. In fact, he's not even much of a libertarian.
I will tell you that I did not vote for him because he tried to steal property from a little old lady.
https://www.nytimes.com/1998/07/26/nyregion/in-brief-follow-ups-judge-rejects-property-seizure.html
That makes him an eminent domain loving, anti-property rights cad. This is exactly what governments do, they steal property form the poor and give it to the rich.
https://ij.org/press-release/top-ten-worst-abuses-of-eminent-domain-spotlighted-in-new-report/
Smaller government makes me happy. Trump is NOT conservative at all.
He's a flippin' RINO!
What is a RINO?
Well, it is a 'Republican In Name Only.' It is a fake, fraud, hypocritical conservative.
I hate RINOs.
In my mind, it makes him a Democrat. In fact, he tried to steal the old lady's house WHEN HE WAS A REGISTERED DEMOCRAT.
Disgusting.
*****
That said, I'm old enough to remember watching a certain Senator from Illinois state that he could never be president because he wasn't born in the United States. His mom was a US citizen, so maybe he didn't understand that he was a citizen. Babies born outside of the US to US citizens often had their birth certificates registered in Hawaii.
That was in 2002. I tried to find the clip in 2008 but it had seemingly been scrubbed from the internet.
Don't even get me started on Hillary. She can't take responsibility for her errors. True leaders take responsibility for their mistakes. She blames everyone else.
For that sole reason, she'll NEVER be a good politician.
Perhaps the Democrats could consider running another woman. Hillary's husband embarrassed her with his endless affairs. She is portrayed as weak. She may have had a shot if she didn't badmouth those of us who didn't vote for her as "deplorables."
Hell....I'm proud to be a deplorable.
That stupid woman alienated more people than she knows with that one damn label.
Me? Well....I voted for two people I knew personally even though they told me not to throw my vote away. I couldn't vote for anyone else.
In 2016, our primary choices were; victim, jerk or pothead.
So I voted for people I actually like. I wish I had money to send them.
On the bright side, Trump IS entertaining. I may just vote for him next time around because he saves me so much dough on movie tickets.
*****
Trump being a turkey does not mean that therapists get to abuse other people for their perceived political beliefs. I'm disgusted at what I heard. I am further disgused at the aftermath. I'll stay silent for now.
Maybe some day I can be on the licensure board to make my voice heard. I was offered a seat in 2009. I should have taken it.
I wanted to fix another problem.
I don't even think the patient liked Trump in the first place. He was, essentially, embarrassed for watching the news.
Sigh...
I should try to get on the licensure board. That would probably solve the problem without embarrassing anyone. I didn't see the entire event so I cannot file a formal complaint.
I could do other things.
******
Here is my dilemma.
There is always a possibility of turning into what one hates.
I hate politicians. I was pissed off enough once to pretend to be one.
That's not something I'd like to repeat.
I don't want to get so angry at someone who yelled at a another human being to the point where I feel the need to yell.
Yeah, I have to be mindful lest I start an unending diatribe against a therapist who behaved badly.
It's sad.
I have to do some self reflecting. If I can find words that I can recite without glaring, I'll invite the lady to meet some movers and shakers.
I'm, quite honestly, looking for office space with more reputable people. If I hang around this woman and she does it again, I'll probably get grieved and put both of my psychotherapy jobs a risk.
I can't afford that.
******
If you don't hear anything....hear this.
Critical thinking is important.
The media has always been full of crap. Think about things before jumping on the band wagon.
It's sad, but for the past ten years, the best unbiased news source has been https://www.aljazeera.com/
I've had friends call me no end of names for that.
Who cares what people think?
As of right now, it is NOT a crime to be informed. The only people punishing informed citizens are the San Francisco tech giants.
Facebooks is dying. Twitter died ten years ago. YouTube has been a gigantic mess for about eight years.
The tech giants should stop playing politics and focus on business.
I have to work on being a better role model.
Understand
Politics is NOT a spectator sport.
Politicians are RARELY what they seem.
If I could talk some sense into the RINOs and Democrats, I'd remind them of the purpose of the Second Amendment - to protect ourselves from the government.
The gun grabbers are going to lead citizens into a war against our own government. It's happened before. Let's just say this - government soldiers have pulled the trigger of the biggest mass shooting in US history (Wounded Knee). They did this after disarming the tribes.
I didn't learn this in school. The teachings were passed down by my Cherokee step-father.
The tribespeople were disarmed.
The US government isn't the only government to pull that abuse.
May the Great Spirit watch us from above so that we NEVER have another trail of tears.
Remember, we need to model respect. Respect is a trickle-up phenomenon. It starts at the micro-level and works it's way up.
Love ya,
S.
Friday, August 23, 2019
Well...My Ex's NPD Diagnosis Must Be True
Today I am thankful that my ex's behavior confirms his NPD diagnosis.
My stalkerish ex was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder in 2012.
Personally, I have had a very hard time believing it. I even met with a psychiatrist buddy to discuss how stress (e.g. PTSD) can bring about narcissistic symptoms in people.
Of course, my ex-husband stalked this shrink and I at the coffee shop.
Even then, I had a very hard time believing it.
I have often wondered what stress could have caused him to turn into a domestic abuser.
He didn't start yelling until after our wedding in 1996. That was when his family amped up their stalking and, in a couple of cases, physical violence.
It was 1997 when they started impacting my jobs and schooling with their harassment.
Deep down inside, I wanted to believe that his family was acting on their own without influence from my ex.
Turns out - he was behind everything. He'd lie to them and blame me for him not acting at his mother's beck and call.
His family would harass me in public as a means of punishment. Sadly, it was my ex who told them where and how to find me.
I still never wanted to believe he was NPD.
****
Over the weekend, he had a very long diatribe with our youngest daughter.
He told her that our family cat was useless and should be killed.
He went on to explain that if an animal or person is useless, it ought to be put to death.
Sigh....
For the record, we rescued the cat. The cat in turn ran off the mice my ex-husband brought into my house.
Whether or not she did that, she always will have a home with us.
*****
Narcissists only value that which they can use.
It kind of explains the violence and death threats.
I must have become useless.
*****
Yes, my children are in therapy.
Still, it is always heartbreaking when they see the hidden truth in people. It's always bound to happen. It's still sad nonetheless.
Our youngest daughter has told me that her father has bullied her and her siblings in the past. He never does this within earshot of me.
I have NEVER heard of a story in which he wishes a beloved family pet to be killed.
This is incredibly disappointing and sad.
I wish he understood the damage he caused to their relationship.
Damn it.
My stalkerish ex was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder in 2012.
Personally, I have had a very hard time believing it. I even met with a psychiatrist buddy to discuss how stress (e.g. PTSD) can bring about narcissistic symptoms in people.
Of course, my ex-husband stalked this shrink and I at the coffee shop.
Even then, I had a very hard time believing it.
I have often wondered what stress could have caused him to turn into a domestic abuser.
He didn't start yelling until after our wedding in 1996. That was when his family amped up their stalking and, in a couple of cases, physical violence.
It was 1997 when they started impacting my jobs and schooling with their harassment.
Deep down inside, I wanted to believe that his family was acting on their own without influence from my ex.
Turns out - he was behind everything. He'd lie to them and blame me for him not acting at his mother's beck and call.
His family would harass me in public as a means of punishment. Sadly, it was my ex who told them where and how to find me.
I still never wanted to believe he was NPD.
****
Over the weekend, he had a very long diatribe with our youngest daughter.
He told her that our family cat was useless and should be killed.
He went on to explain that if an animal or person is useless, it ought to be put to death.
Sigh....
For the record, we rescued the cat. The cat in turn ran off the mice my ex-husband brought into my house.
Whether or not she did that, she always will have a home with us.
*****
Narcissists only value that which they can use.
It kind of explains the violence and death threats.
I must have become useless.
*****
Yes, my children are in therapy.
Still, it is always heartbreaking when they see the hidden truth in people. It's always bound to happen. It's still sad nonetheless.
Our youngest daughter has told me that her father has bullied her and her siblings in the past. He never does this within earshot of me.
I have NEVER heard of a story in which he wishes a beloved family pet to be killed.
This is incredibly disappointing and sad.
I wish he understood the damage he caused to their relationship.
Damn it.
Sunday, August 18, 2019
Strangeness
Today I am, yet again, thankful for documentation.
I've had a couple of issues with my infrared camera system shutting itself off and on at night.
Most of the time when it shuts itself off, I get a notification.
I did not get a notification on Friday.
My ex visited the house to pick up the girls on Friday. The girls claim that he rang the doorbell.
There is NO video from any of the three cameras in my front yard of my house.
There is NO video of any of them returning - the girls, their father - NOTHING.
I usually get footage of bees several few times a day. I didn't get one that evening.
The videos strangely stop between 1523 and 23:30 that night when the eldest came home from a date.
I'm just documenting this as I'm unsure what to make of it.
All it does is cement in my mind that my ex was involved in the stalking and harassment.
On the bright side, it would appear my ex is more technologically savvy that previously thought.
My questions are
How does one turn off wifi surveillance system while simultaneously disabling the video record function of an electronic system?
Why would one do that?
Love ya,
S.
P.S. Oh crap, I found numerous videos on YouTube describing how to disable a wifi camera system.
I need to change the names of my wifi networks. My ex named them.
It would seem that the cameras provide a poor sense of security. I need unhackable cameras.
Luckily, I bought a set on sale last year and can easily hire an electrician to install them.
Damn....
I've had a couple of issues with my infrared camera system shutting itself off and on at night.
Most of the time when it shuts itself off, I get a notification.
I did not get a notification on Friday.
My ex visited the house to pick up the girls on Friday. The girls claim that he rang the doorbell.
There is NO video from any of the three cameras in my front yard of my house.
There is NO video of any of them returning - the girls, their father - NOTHING.
I usually get footage of bees several few times a day. I didn't get one that evening.
The videos strangely stop between 1523 and 23:30 that night when the eldest came home from a date.
I'm just documenting this as I'm unsure what to make of it.
All it does is cement in my mind that my ex was involved in the stalking and harassment.
On the bright side, it would appear my ex is more technologically savvy that previously thought.
My questions are
How does one turn off wifi surveillance system while simultaneously disabling the video record function of an electronic system?
Why would one do that?
Love ya,
S.
P.S. Oh crap, I found numerous videos on YouTube describing how to disable a wifi camera system.
I need to change the names of my wifi networks. My ex named them.
It would seem that the cameras provide a poor sense of security. I need unhackable cameras.
Luckily, I bought a set on sale last year and can easily hire an electrician to install them.
Damn....
Politics as a Mental Illness
Never thought I'd say this -but- today I am thankful for DORA (Colorado's Regulatory Dept).
I work in the mental health industry.
I tire of hearing stories of conservatives harassed by leftist therapists. I am literally shocked at the sheer numbers of therapists and teachers who harass conservatives.
These professionals typically go after strangers and coworkers.
Today, I learned that a therapist allegedly went ballistic on a patient she thinks likes Donald Trump.
I am livid.
I'm no Trumpette. I think Hillary should be wearing orange.
I'm an equal opportunity hater and a porcupine at heart.
I'm hoping the patient reports the therapist to the regulatory board for investigation. Make no mistake, this event is not without damage. It is a breech of trust and safety. How can any therapist get a client to talk if he or she does not approach professional practice with unconditional positive regard?
People are to be respected.
All voices deserve to be heard.
Sigh….
I need to find a new office now. I don't want that nasty therapist's energy all over my practice.
I have a plan. It's not a very good plan. In fact, it's a stupid plan.
It may work.
Yes, I'm looking for a new workspace.
I'm also going to deface my car with a Trump bumper sticker and a camera. Trump bumper stickers go missing from cars in the parking lot. My thought is that I can get this idiot arrested if she takes my property so she can't hurt another struggling soul again.
Maybe if I wear a MAGA hat, this idiot will punch me and I'll shove the errant therapist's ass in jail. I'm old and ugly. She can't do much more damage to my face.
If she steals my hat, I'll have her arrested for theft.
Maybe I can confuse the bad therapist by wearing a red cap that states in white lettering:
MAKE
THERAPY
GREAT AGAIN!
Damn it!!!
****
I'm going to put this tidbit right here while I ponder the line I will use to decide when to report the abuses I see and hear about.
Most therapists who are not in private practice work for taxpayer funded non-profits.
My warning is directed at those therapists working in a non-profit setting and their organizations:
IF YOU WORK FOR AN ORGANIZATION THAT SURVIVES OF OFF STATE FUNDS
DO NOT -
LET ME REPEAT
DO NOT....
HARASS CONSERVATIVES OR REPUBLICANS.
THE REPUBLICANS OFTEN VOTE FOR YOUR FUNDING.
You never know who goes to speak during committee hearings at the capital and who can bend the ears of lawmakers.
I hate to say it. Right now, even in my own industry, I'm not so sure my words will be positive.
Please change that.
Stop traumatizing the patients.
Love,
Your friendly neighborhood libertarian psychotherapist
Friday, August 16, 2019
Bright Orange Light in Planter on Porch
Yet again, today, I am thankful for documentation.
This will be short and sweet. I hope.
I have absolutely no idea what is going on.
One of my camera systems has ceased to function. It no longer records video, it only records audio now.
The other wifi camera system has gone offline twice now.
It went offline within the same 24 hour period.
This is the night vision camera system.
About 1730 on Wednesday, it went offline for ten minutes. That night, about 2000, my daughter texted me that she saw an orange light shining in the living room window.
She went outside to investigate and saw that it emanated from a planter outside the house. I actually have footage of her walking towards a bright light in the planter. She touches the dirt and the light fades a bit but it is still there.
Shortly afterwards, I see her walking towards the front door.
She had two friends with her.
Twenty-three minutes later, the camera system goes offline again. It comes back online at 0109 Thursday morning.
The light never returns.
I have absolutely NO CLUE what to make of this.
It could be a prank.
It could be some type of device.
I have no idea.
I have little time to research this - but- I really doubt anyone is going to get any interesting information about me or my family by watching the front of the house.
Sigh...
It's probably about my request to mediate child support.
*****
Colorado child support services has a division called CO-PEP that helps men wiggle out of child support and get their arrearages dropped. The problem is that I DO NOT utilize welfare.
If I did, Colorado would be able to drop at least a portion of my ex's $43,000+ arrearage as this would reflect money owed to the state.
Because I'm libertarian and do not get food stamps or TANF, they have to coerce me into agreeing to drop the arrearage.
I agreed to drop his child support dramatically (by 60%) because I would have been fired for taking a day off for a hearing.
The State of Colorado had three lawyers basically harass me with rude and dishonest court filings claiming my ex had no clothes (he acted as if he ruled over me....funny, eh?...he also wanted me to pay for his storage rental FULL of clothes and our household electronics). The lawyers for the State of Colorado insisted that the former corporate auditor could only make $12 an hour (seriously?). They also sent a letter to my attorney insinuating that my ex was a homeless drunk in a 27-month rehab program (not true).
The only filing that irked me was that they wanted it stricken from the record that the other adult in my household was our 19 year old daughter. They wanted it to look like I was living with a lover (possibly supporting me).
Given the stalking, I don't want my ex to think I'm living with a man. If a camera was in the planter in the front yard, it could very well be to see if I'm shackin' up.
Nope, I'm prude.
The State of Colorado is nasty and rude.
They are probably targeting me because if I have to work two jobs, I can't fight the politicians ruining the state.
Here's a hint. Whether or not that last statement is true, if I get pissed off enough, I WILL MAKE THE TIME TO TAKE ON THE BAD POLITICIANS.
I can sleep when I'm dead.
They've nearly pushed me to the brink.
CO-PEP failed at getting me to do their "free" mediation to hassle me into dropping the arrearages. My ex refused low cost mediation with a different organization.
Now, CO-PEP is fighting the child support increase request based on my ex's new income of $15.50 per hour by insinuating that there has been no change in our financial circumstances.
His wage is a fact. He makes more than that but overtime and second jobs DON'T count.
I don't understand WHY CO-PEP ignores his income. It has increased by more than 20% which meets the threshold for a support change. They claimed, earlier, that he was unemployed.
They lie. CO-PEP could easily be the face of a campaign to KEEP TABOR. Is this where are tax dollars are going? To push women and kids ON TO WELFARE.
Come on....can't the lawmakers think a little...geesh!
My ex refuses to help with medical expenses as he was court ordered to do.
Would they prefer a contempt hearing for their little deadbeat daddy client?
I give up trying to be nice.
My ex is probably putting the bald dude up to messing with my property. I need to share the footage with the cops.
Damn it.
I'm going to call my lawyer and see if it will be okay for me to call my reporter friends.
She'll say no.
I can ALWAYS put together another research website. I have found other custodial moms wondering if CO-PEP is unbiased and transparent.
They are not transparent. They are undermining family law by basically acting as if child support payments are too high. Rather than helping all men, they only help those who break the law.
The law states that non-custodial parents MUST work to provide for the children to the best of their ability. It is not allowable that one can leave a job as a corporate auditor to drive a bus (especially given the sheer number of well paying auditing jobs available) without a damn good reason (e.g. health concern).
CO-PEP is a sexist arm of the government turning family law on it's head.
I've been nice.
I can't afford to be nice any longer.
I was never one to reward bad behavior. I absolutely hate it when the government rewards criminals (e.g. domestic abusers with large arrearages) and punishes good people (e.g. dads who pay their child support and single moms).
Crap....there goes my beauty rest. It's a shame, too. I scare people when I don't get enough sleep.
Love,
S.
This will be short and sweet. I hope.
I have absolutely no idea what is going on.
One of my camera systems has ceased to function. It no longer records video, it only records audio now.
The other wifi camera system has gone offline twice now.
It went offline within the same 24 hour period.
This is the night vision camera system.
About 1730 on Wednesday, it went offline for ten minutes. That night, about 2000, my daughter texted me that she saw an orange light shining in the living room window.
She went outside to investigate and saw that it emanated from a planter outside the house. I actually have footage of her walking towards a bright light in the planter. She touches the dirt and the light fades a bit but it is still there.
Shortly afterwards, I see her walking towards the front door.
She had two friends with her.
Twenty-three minutes later, the camera system goes offline again. It comes back online at 0109 Thursday morning.
The light never returns.
I have absolutely NO CLUE what to make of this.
It could be a prank.
It could be some type of device.
I have no idea.
I have little time to research this - but- I really doubt anyone is going to get any interesting information about me or my family by watching the front of the house.
Sigh...
It's probably about my request to mediate child support.
*****
Colorado child support services has a division called CO-PEP that helps men wiggle out of child support and get their arrearages dropped. The problem is that I DO NOT utilize welfare.
If I did, Colorado would be able to drop at least a portion of my ex's $43,000+ arrearage as this would reflect money owed to the state.
Because I'm libertarian and do not get food stamps or TANF, they have to coerce me into agreeing to drop the arrearage.
I agreed to drop his child support dramatically (by 60%) because I would have been fired for taking a day off for a hearing.
The State of Colorado had three lawyers basically harass me with rude and dishonest court filings claiming my ex had no clothes (he acted as if he ruled over me....funny, eh?...he also wanted me to pay for his storage rental FULL of clothes and our household electronics). The lawyers for the State of Colorado insisted that the former corporate auditor could only make $12 an hour (seriously?). They also sent a letter to my attorney insinuating that my ex was a homeless drunk in a 27-month rehab program (not true).
The only filing that irked me was that they wanted it stricken from the record that the other adult in my household was our 19 year old daughter. They wanted it to look like I was living with a lover (possibly supporting me).
Given the stalking, I don't want my ex to think I'm living with a man. If a camera was in the planter in the front yard, it could very well be to see if I'm shackin' up.
Nope, I'm prude.
The State of Colorado is nasty and rude.
They are probably targeting me because if I have to work two jobs, I can't fight the politicians ruining the state.
Here's a hint. Whether or not that last statement is true, if I get pissed off enough, I WILL MAKE THE TIME TO TAKE ON THE BAD POLITICIANS.
I can sleep when I'm dead.
They've nearly pushed me to the brink.
CO-PEP failed at getting me to do their "free" mediation to hassle me into dropping the arrearages. My ex refused low cost mediation with a different organization.
Now, CO-PEP is fighting the child support increase request based on my ex's new income of $15.50 per hour by insinuating that there has been no change in our financial circumstances.
His wage is a fact. He makes more than that but overtime and second jobs DON'T count.
I don't understand WHY CO-PEP ignores his income. It has increased by more than 20% which meets the threshold for a support change. They claimed, earlier, that he was unemployed.
They lie. CO-PEP could easily be the face of a campaign to KEEP TABOR. Is this where are tax dollars are going? To push women and kids ON TO WELFARE.
Come on....can't the lawmakers think a little...geesh!
My ex refuses to help with medical expenses as he was court ordered to do.
Would they prefer a contempt hearing for their little deadbeat daddy client?
I give up trying to be nice.
My ex is probably putting the bald dude up to messing with my property. I need to share the footage with the cops.
Damn it.
I'm going to call my lawyer and see if it will be okay for me to call my reporter friends.
She'll say no.
I can ALWAYS put together another research website. I have found other custodial moms wondering if CO-PEP is unbiased and transparent.
They are not transparent. They are undermining family law by basically acting as if child support payments are too high. Rather than helping all men, they only help those who break the law.
The law states that non-custodial parents MUST work to provide for the children to the best of their ability. It is not allowable that one can leave a job as a corporate auditor to drive a bus (especially given the sheer number of well paying auditing jobs available) without a damn good reason (e.g. health concern).
CO-PEP is a sexist arm of the government turning family law on it's head.
I've been nice.
I can't afford to be nice any longer.
I was never one to reward bad behavior. I absolutely hate it when the government rewards criminals (e.g. domestic abusers with large arrearages) and punishes good people (e.g. dads who pay their child support and single moms).
Crap....there goes my beauty rest. It's a shame, too. I scare people when I don't get enough sleep.
Love,
S.
Wednesday, August 7, 2019
Well....That's Creepy
Today I am thankful for my four security cameras.
I think I found out how the visual footage is hard to see at times.
When I come home in the dark, I can see my face, my car and even my license plate in the front security cameras.
When the neighborhood cat comes to call in the wee hours of the morning, I can see him with the back yard cameras -
but, last night I couldn't see the person who stood breathing in my front yard.
All I could see were two lights.
This happened twice; once at 0036 (again) and 0536.
I suspect whoever is doing this has OCD...I mean, the times are eerily similar.
I saved the footage.
I'm an artist, so I'll take it to the various video editing programs I have to see if I can get an outline of the person's face.
At least my former life as a YouTube content creator has taught me a few life hacks!
This is Wednesday.
My ex's family always had a penchant for harassing me on Wednesdays (especially in the wee hours of the morning).
No one tried to break into the house this morning. The camera just captured video.
****
I have only had time to reach out to ONE of my security camera manufacturers. I have two different systems now.
Apparently, if one shines a bright light directly into the camera, it tricks the camera into thinking it is daytime so the night vision doesn't work.
This is easily remedied by changing the camera settings to constant IR night vision. One system is now set to day vision - the other is constantly set to night vision.
It's sad to say this but I have a third IR camera system. I thought about donating it to charity. I've decided to hook it up by the windows.
One can use a cell phone light to obscure his or her identity but it is rarely effective.
When I found video of my gun-toting neighbor setting his camera on my porch for a few minutes, I wondered if anyone could use a phone camera to thwart a security system. They can - but only at night.
My Private Investigator neighbor is worried about me.
I don't know, yet, if there is cause for concern.
It would really be nice for this to be over.
Love ya,
S.
I think I found out how the visual footage is hard to see at times.
When I come home in the dark, I can see my face, my car and even my license plate in the front security cameras.
When the neighborhood cat comes to call in the wee hours of the morning, I can see him with the back yard cameras -
but, last night I couldn't see the person who stood breathing in my front yard.
All I could see were two lights.
This happened twice; once at 0036 (again) and 0536.
I suspect whoever is doing this has OCD...I mean, the times are eerily similar.
I saved the footage.
I'm an artist, so I'll take it to the various video editing programs I have to see if I can get an outline of the person's face.
At least my former life as a YouTube content creator has taught me a few life hacks!
This is Wednesday.
My ex's family always had a penchant for harassing me on Wednesdays (especially in the wee hours of the morning).
No one tried to break into the house this morning. The camera just captured video.
****
I have only had time to reach out to ONE of my security camera manufacturers. I have two different systems now.
Apparently, if one shines a bright light directly into the camera, it tricks the camera into thinking it is daytime so the night vision doesn't work.
This is easily remedied by changing the camera settings to constant IR night vision. One system is now set to day vision - the other is constantly set to night vision.
It's sad to say this but I have a third IR camera system. I thought about donating it to charity. I've decided to hook it up by the windows.
One can use a cell phone light to obscure his or her identity but it is rarely effective.
When I found video of my gun-toting neighbor setting his camera on my porch for a few minutes, I wondered if anyone could use a phone camera to thwart a security system. They can - but only at night.
My Private Investigator neighbor is worried about me.
I don't know, yet, if there is cause for concern.
It would really be nice for this to be over.
Love ya,
S.
Friday, August 2, 2019
Stalkerish Ex Found the Security Camera
Today I am thankful that we have four security cameras trained on the front yard.
This evening, my ex stopped by for his visit with the kids.
It's a little sad. He's gained some more weight and lost his hair. He walks with a slight limp.
He knocked on the door, looked up and stepped back.
I watched the footage in real-time.
The youngest came out of the house and my ex's hand pointed upwards while he asked, "Can you see me with that camera?"
She responded, "Yes.", while looking into the camera.
Yes, I can see you. I can see anyone that comes to the door.
I saw the bald guy who messed around the ladder leading to the roof on Wednesday. I'm not sure who he is but he looks a heck of a lot like the guy who nearly hit me head on in the street while pretending to be with Ameriprise Insurance. Ameriprise investigated the incident and told me to call the cops.
To this day, I can't fathom why anyone thinks my ex owns my home.
Not only can I see anyone who comes to the door, I can hear them.
The video is immediately uploaded into the cloud.
This week, I've not only seen my ex and the bald guy....
I saw my private investigator neighbor inspecting the property minutes after the bald guy left. He knocked on the door but I wasn't home.
I need to send that neighbor a fruit basket.
The neighbor's fluffy black cat visits often. She also brought us a dead mouse. Her name is Vertigo. She's beautiful.
Even if he doesn't understand how incredibly disturbed I am about the stalking,
I can see him. I can see any cronies he sends my way.
If I can see them, so can the cops.
I can also share the video in a full moon circle (just teasing.....) or with the hoodoo practitioner I adore. .
I'm trying to understand how things got so bad.
I'm realizing that my biggest mistake was not getting to meet my ex's full family and to stay away from his family events after his mom, sister, father and brother (among others) became physically abusive.
My ex has a huge family - I've met some of the people he sent to harass me. Others, I don't know and only learned of their identity when my ex pointed them out in photographs.
I divorced to be free of the bullshit.
You know, I'm tired of crap.
It's time to be safe.
Love ya,
S.
Thursday, August 1, 2019
Strange Things Captured on Video.
Today I am thankful for having four video cameras and two security systems.
They pick up the darndest things....
One of my security systems pipes movement in my yard to my phone at work.
This morning, around 9:30, there streamed an image of my gun-toting neighbor putting his cell phone on my porch and walking away.
He comes back three minutes later to retrieve it.
I watched this unfold live from the office.
My colleagues said that it was strange.
My co-workers told me to be careful.
My daughter freaked out upon seeing the footage.
I'm feeling lost....
what harm can a four minute recording do?
I'll call my PAR officer tomorrow.
This was the last thing I expected to see.
I have another camera that records the entire front yard to a 38GB storage card. I'll pull that in the morning to see what in the world this guy finds interesting.
One of the renters had a house guest who parked in front of my house on Monday. He was so afraid of upsetting the gun-toting neighbor that he blocked my car in the driveway.
I asked him to pull up to the middle of my yard.
I'm wondering if this is what has my gun-toting neighbor pissed. Aaron seems to think that all the street parking belongs to him. It's a misunderstanding.
A cop ticketed one of my houseguests for parking in front of my house. This cop, errouneously, told Aaron that we cannot park 5' from his property line.
City code says that one cannot park 5' from a driveway (which would put it about the property line). This guy gets all bent out of shape when people park within 5' of his yard. He's lost it to the point of pointing a gun at the poor drivers who inflict his rage.
I've told our neighborhood cop who will only do something IF I can state what type of gun Aaron has.
Of course, Aaron won't show me his gun.
I guess that is a good thing.
It still pissed me off - irresponsible gun owners are the reason I have to stand on street corners with my Gadsen flag and pro-second amendment signs.
I should unwrap my hot foot powder.
Perhaps it is time for this guy to move.
First, I'll ask a police officer what someone can do with a four minute recording.
I'll share the footage with my private investigator, too.
Weirdness abounds.....
Love ya,
S.
Edit: The older security system malfunctioned, it only picked up audio of the event.
The private investigator didn't see Aaron on the property, he saw someone else.
My other neighbors are sure it was Aaron.
I've installed two more cameras in the hopes I can see who is doing what.
Hopefully, the cameras in and of themselves, are a deterrent.
Oh....I really love seeing that the neighborhood cats are gifting us treats. Not only is vertigo, one neighbor's cat giving us mice - so is a little male Tabby that visits often.
The girls say they pet these cats and give them water when it is hot outside.
It's good to be loved.
They pick up the darndest things....
One of my security systems pipes movement in my yard to my phone at work.
This morning, around 9:30, there streamed an image of my gun-toting neighbor putting his cell phone on my porch and walking away.
He comes back three minutes later to retrieve it.
I watched this unfold live from the office.
My colleagues said that it was strange.
My co-workers told me to be careful.
My daughter freaked out upon seeing the footage.
I'm feeling lost....
what harm can a four minute recording do?
I'll call my PAR officer tomorrow.
This was the last thing I expected to see.
I have another camera that records the entire front yard to a 38GB storage card. I'll pull that in the morning to see what in the world this guy finds interesting.
One of the renters had a house guest who parked in front of my house on Monday. He was so afraid of upsetting the gun-toting neighbor that he blocked my car in the driveway.
I asked him to pull up to the middle of my yard.
I'm wondering if this is what has my gun-toting neighbor pissed. Aaron seems to think that all the street parking belongs to him. It's a misunderstanding.
A cop ticketed one of my houseguests for parking in front of my house. This cop, errouneously, told Aaron that we cannot park 5' from his property line.
City code says that one cannot park 5' from a driveway (which would put it about the property line). This guy gets all bent out of shape when people park within 5' of his yard. He's lost it to the point of pointing a gun at the poor drivers who inflict his rage.
I've told our neighborhood cop who will only do something IF I can state what type of gun Aaron has.
Of course, Aaron won't show me his gun.
I guess that is a good thing.
It still pissed me off - irresponsible gun owners are the reason I have to stand on street corners with my Gadsen flag and pro-second amendment signs.
I should unwrap my hot foot powder.
Perhaps it is time for this guy to move.
First, I'll ask a police officer what someone can do with a four minute recording.
I'll share the footage with my private investigator, too.
Weirdness abounds.....
Love ya,
S.
Edit: The older security system malfunctioned, it only picked up audio of the event.
The private investigator didn't see Aaron on the property, he saw someone else.
My other neighbors are sure it was Aaron.
I've installed two more cameras in the hopes I can see who is doing what.
Hopefully, the cameras in and of themselves, are a deterrent.
Oh....I really love seeing that the neighborhood cats are gifting us treats. Not only is vertigo, one neighbor's cat giving us mice - so is a little male Tabby that visits often.
The girls say they pet these cats and give them water when it is hot outside.
It's good to be loved.
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Interesting Video: The Three Levels of Covert Narcissism
Today I am thankful for YouTube videos.
So....
everyone knows I have a master's in psychology. My focus of interest is Health Psychology. I currently work with addicts.
I had to put a stop to my career for many years due to harassment and stalking on the part of my ex-husband's family. It's a long, drawn out story. Sad to say, I believed for most of the my adult life that my ex had nothing to do with the stalking. He claimed he never spoke to his family.
One sunny day in 2013, he admitted to speaking to his cousin on a daily basis, telling her a whereabouts and sending a house key to his sister.
That explains how they found me. This isn't going into the tracker on my mini-van and phones.
In fact, my phone stopped working about two weeks ago after months of being unable to hold a charge. I suspect either a virus or spyware. It's looking like I'm going to need a new laptop, too.
A few days ago, I bought a new phone which mostly stays off to the chagrin of my co-workers.
I'm not paid to be on call. My safety comes first.
*****
This week, I've spent about $450 on security cameras and phones. I decided to get two systems; one a wi-fi system and one that will work in case the wifi goes down.
Fear is expensive.
After the weird stuff happening around the property, I figured it was worth the investment.
*****
In graduate school, we didn't go to far into narcissism. We covered the basic DSM stuff: grandiosity, lack of self-esteem, taking credit for stuff never done and that kind of thing. All psychopaths are narcissists but not all narcissists are psychopaths.
Nothing in depth - we just covered the basics.
It was two psychology professors who caught on to the stalking early. One was confronted directly by my ex's sister trying to get information on me. The other lives across the street from me (and man has she gotten an eyeful over the years).
I still didn't believe it until his sister's fiancé started harassing my colleagues in my workplace. Even then, I had trouble believing my ex was involved. It was a police officer who told me differently in 2012. She could explain who was behind the stalking and that the police department really couldn't do anything unless I could prove he threatened me.
I've called her numerous times since then. They don't take reports but they'll tell me to get new computers and phones at times when I can PROVE his relatives put something on my property or tried to access an online account.
By 2011, the harassment from his family had been going on for 19 years.
*****
My ex was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in 2012.
I thought of him as of the more introverted (covert) type of narcissist.
I found this video and am realizing that with some of the comments my ex has made to me in the past six months (via the telephone and via email) have rightfully given me cause for concern.
He is blaming me for the loss of his auditing career. He claims I got him fired in September 2015 because I called him to ask for footage of someone trying to break into the house in July of that year.
I'm unsure how that request would have let to his firing a few months later.
All I know is that, after the divorce, I allowed my ex to put a wi-fi camera in my living room that sent images to his work phone. Yes, that was stupid -but- I wanted to find the identity of the stalker.
Yes, he demonstrated to me that he could record conversations that take place in the living room (easily solved by taking phone calls in my bedroom).
His sales pitch involved demonstrating to me that it took video of things that happened outside of the window. That is exactly what I needed.
One day, when he was in California, someone came to my house and banged on the door loudly, then banged on the window (where the camera faced outwards) before lighting paper on fire, turning on the garden hose and cutting the hose.
I had a houseguest at the time, she held me back from answering the door claiming that the harasser was trying to draw me out of the house. Instead we called the police who suggested getting footage from the camera.
So, I called my ex asking for that footage to share with the police department. My ex never provided the footage.
My ex is now claiming that this 2015 incident got him fired.
He is pretty flipping angry about it, too.
******
Back then, this kind of harassment at home happened at least once a month or so.
I would say that in the past two years, these type of things have happened sparsely. There would be times when my shed was broken into or someone had gotten in to the house.
The incidents were rare and occurred, perhaps, once every four to six months (if that).
Over the course of the past two months, these events seem to have escalated. Two months ago, I hired a lawyer to deal with my ex's increasing demands; demands to drop his child support arrearages, make me responsible for the health insurance and all associated costs, and switch up visitation on a case by case basis with little notice. He probably doesn't want to come up with a permanent parenting plan because he can't mess with us if we know what to expect.
The lawyer looked into it and we saw that his child support would likely increase drastically if we were to go to court. His arrearages would cause him (by statute) to pay an additional $1,800 a month in child support (which is really, really unrealistic).
I think hitting him with these realities is pissing him off. He really should think before he lashes out and makes demands. I guess, his rage, is a form of his self-sabotage.
So far, I've spent $19,000 on legal fees. Most of it was incurred in trying to remove him from my home after the divorce was final. That took over three years.
Only a stalker would refuse to leave the marital home for three years, three months and six days after being court ordered to leave.
*****
Back to the video; the psychiatrist talks about three levels of covert narcissism. I would say, the three levels of an injured covert narcissist.
This man makes a lot of sense. I won't name him because I don't want my blog found on a search of his name. I write this blog in case I wind up dead and the cops investigate what was going on at the time of my death. ,
At around 3:25, it begins to delve into the injured narcissist finding someone to blame of his misfortune. I saw this for many years, it seemed to get worse about six months ago.
I don't know why my ex decided to come back and harass me via phone six months ago. The date was 01/02/19. I probably should print off those text messages.
His harassment is leading to more problems for him.
I fear he is moving to the third level (9:23); the "punitive avenger."
I'm wondering if this is the reason or the attempted break-ins (two in the past three weeks).
This is the reason or the new dog, new camera systems and new phones.
I have always been fearful for my life. I NEVER considered that this behavior could endanger others.
I'm wondering if he could target others?
I never saw him that way before.
First, I'll work on safety for the kids and myself. At the first hint of a threat against anyone else, I'm going to the police.
I pray they listen to me this time (especially after the theater shooting).
It would seem that the covert narcissist/mass shooting/domestic violence link needs to be studied further. Taking away guns is not a solution - taking domestic violence seriously is.
The courts have always turned a blind eye to domestic violence. The cost to society seems to be much higher than we realize.
In the meantime, I'll continue to watch the videos hopeful to be inspired to take an action that will stop the drama.
Love ya,
S.
Sunday, July 14, 2019
Vertigo
Today I am thankful for my labradoodle.
As I'm spinning around, I'm going to make this short and sweet.
As I'm spinning around, I'm going to make this short and sweet.
It'll be incredibly boring to read.
Saturday morning (07/13) around 2:30am, the little doggo ran out of my room, down the stairs, and into the dining area barking and growling.
It took me several minutes to get down the stairs due to my having vertigo (that spinnery, creepy sensation of riding vomit inducing rides with the convenience of not having to visit the amusement park).
When I finally made it downstairs, I couldn't see anyone outside of the house. It took me about ten minutes to make it down the stairs.
****
The next morning, I noticed that someone had put a dent on the bottom third in my brand new back door (I may take a picture and post it). There was also a shoe print on the back door.
****
I checked my Facebook account and learned that someone using my identity had tried to friend a relative.
****
If I can stop spinning enough to see what I type, I'll come back to fix up the post.
****
I'm supposed to visit the ER because a nurse (on the nurse advise line) is concerned I'm having a stroke.
It's just vertigo.
It'll pass soon.
*****
If only I could climb the ladder to retrieve the SD card in my make-shift security camera.....
I had to find a temporary means of surveillance until the house repairs are over and the security system can be re-installed.
Sigh....
Bullies suck. I'll bet this has to do with a wedding anniversary (07/13), an upcoming court hearing and someone just being downright nosey.
I still haven't lit any black candles (yes, I'm proud of that).
Love ya,
S.
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Why?
Today I am thankful that I understand my ex's motivation to stalk.
At least I think I understand. I could be wrong.
He wants to portray me as crazy.
I think he (or his family) is harassing me due to my requesting a court hearing to review child support and to come up with a visitation plan he will like.
The reason I say this is because whenever I ask anything of my ex,
he brings up the stalking,
calls me a liar
and insinuates that I am crazy.
*****
He knows how his family behaves.
He knows that his sister stalks other people. He knows that his relatives all act like a group stalking legion to annoy people they don't like.
Yet I'm the liar.
*****
I think he will try to use this as an ace in the hole to shut me down during the court hearing.
It will probably backfire on him, though.
*****
I learned from the city that the cops have not been to my home more than twice (the two times I called them - one over a neighbor parking on top some mulch I had delivered and couldn't get to and, the other to look for the intruder that may have been in the house).
The neighbors say that they've seen someone dressed as a cop on my property numerous times.
Could be a cop off duty.
Could be a security guard (my ex's sis used to work as a security guard - maybe he has other relatives who do the same).
Could be a stripper with a less revealing costume....
Who knows?
I don't.
*****
My kids' story is strange.
They heard a door slam at 12:36am. The dog was barking and growling. The eldest followed the dog to the front door and saw the handles being jiggled.
The cops found the two back doors were unlocked.
Why would an intruder jiggle the door handles to a house s(he)'d already visited?
Something seems off.
It's almost as if the sole purpose of the event was to scare everyone.
*****
A few months ago, my children were startled by a door opening and closing.
They chalked it up to just being their collective imaginations.
This is why we have a dog now.
*****
Something isn't adding up.
I hope the camera footage is revealing.
Love ya,
S.
At least I think I understand. I could be wrong.
He wants to portray me as crazy.
I think he (or his family) is harassing me due to my requesting a court hearing to review child support and to come up with a visitation plan he will like.
The reason I say this is because whenever I ask anything of my ex,
he brings up the stalking,
calls me a liar
and insinuates that I am crazy.
*****
He knows how his family behaves.
He knows that his sister stalks other people. He knows that his relatives all act like a group stalking legion to annoy people they don't like.
Yet I'm the liar.
*****
I think he will try to use this as an ace in the hole to shut me down during the court hearing.
It will probably backfire on him, though.
*****
I learned from the city that the cops have not been to my home more than twice (the two times I called them - one over a neighbor parking on top some mulch I had delivered and couldn't get to and, the other to look for the intruder that may have been in the house).
The neighbors say that they've seen someone dressed as a cop on my property numerous times.
Could be a cop off duty.
Could be a security guard (my ex's sis used to work as a security guard - maybe he has other relatives who do the same).
Could be a stripper with a less revealing costume....
Who knows?
I don't.
*****
My kids' story is strange.
They heard a door slam at 12:36am. The dog was barking and growling. The eldest followed the dog to the front door and saw the handles being jiggled.
The cops found the two back doors were unlocked.
Why would an intruder jiggle the door handles to a house s(he)'d already visited?
Something seems off.
It's almost as if the sole purpose of the event was to scare everyone.
*****
A few months ago, my children were startled by a door opening and closing.
They chalked it up to just being their collective imaginations.
This is why we have a dog now.
*****
Something isn't adding up.
I hope the camera footage is revealing.
Love ya,
S.
Monday, July 1, 2019
Living in a Junkyard
Today I am thankful that people are noticing that I've given away a lot of the crap in my house.
My ex was a horder.
Throughout the marriage, I felt ugly so I started hording dresses and shoes.
So far, I've had four visits from numerous charities to pick up donations and made countless vehicle trips to a couple of my favorite charities.
There is still far too much junk. I haven't even started going through the dresses and shoes.
Oh my.....
back in the day, when my elderly neighbor needed cash, he'd take something I didn't want and pawn it off.
I think I'm getting down to the stuff no one wants - he's now asking for money.
Sigh....
*****
I've spent the day bolstering up the security on the house, talking to lawyers and wondering how in the hell this shit hasn't stopped yet.
You'd be proud of me - I still haven't used my graveyard dirt or lit a candle.
I'm proud of me.
I even ignored my Psalm justifications. There are Biblical verses that act as curses. I could simply read the Bible out loud to curse the shit out of my stalker.
I didn't. Well, part of it is that a childhood friend gave me my Bible and I don't think he'd approve of it's misuse.
In my real life, I work for a religious organization. We hand out Bibles daily.
Maybe I'm starting to be less of a freaked out asshole. If I can refrain from being scared, I can refrain from scaring assholes away from me.
I need to get the junk out of my house and keep the junk out of my soul.
Wish me luck.
Love ya,
S.
Sunday, June 30, 2019
More Documentation of an Ex's Escalation
Today I am thankful for intuition.
Right now, I'm realizing that things are ramping up.
In the past, whenever I wasn't perceived as a "good", "quiet", "subservient", "girl", I would up being stalked.
Typically, the harassment begins in clusters. Much of it is not illegal but the scary stuff is.
In the past six months,
my ex has decided to visit the kids (hooray),
but used setting up the visits as a means to emotionally abuse me by calling me every name in the book and state that I'm lying about the stalking I've endured from his family since 1992 (boo),
now, he's messing around with visitation times. This I predicted. I feared being open and allowing for frequent changes to the visitation times because it would eventually lead to a situation where we are waiting around for him to show up EVERY weekend (even those times and weeks he's unscheduled to visit).
I've been a bit of a stick in the mud and have asked him to adhere to the times in the parenting agreement. He's asked for a lot of slack and I've stated that I'm more than willing to pay a lawyer to rewrite the visitation schedule to be more appealing to him.
He cuts off communication at the point when I ask what he would like put down in writing.
The kids are telling me that after each visit, he'll tell them to plan on seeing him the next weekend (even though he doesn't have visitation every week).
Now.....last Friday (when he did not have visitation) he showed up at the door demanding that the kids go with him. When they didn't answer the door, five minutes prior to 5:00 (visitation time begins at 5:00), he started "blowing up the phones" and sending a series of texts to them demanding that they open the door.
The 18 year old responded that it was the fourth Friday in June. Visitation typically takes place weeks 1, 3 and 5.
He continued to harangue her by insisting it was the fifth week and that he was entitled to see her (not a good parenting trick, especially with older kids).
I was at work at the time. The kids don't know what else to do except to go with him.
Mind you, I don't mind his visitation.
This issue is that we have lives. Children need structure. The children have school and art activities. It would be nice to know what to plan for and to ensure we are here for him. This is why I'd like it in writing (to protect us both) until such time that we can communicate without the texts that look as though they were authored by a psychopathic drunken sailor.
This comes 8 days after an attempted break-in
And 12 days after he asked me to change up the visitation schedule but refused to discuss putting it in writing.
Three weeks ago, he failed to show up for a visit and claimed that he forgot.
Twenty-five days ago, I asked if he was going to put the children on health insurance in order to comply with the court order. He stated that he could not afford it.
Part of me is thinking that the latest round of harassment is due to my asking him about health care costs.
I'm thinking of taking him to court to revisit child support after I was duped into dropping it. The state of Colorado sent me a letter claiming that my ex was a homeless alcoholic and demanded that I drop his child support. Now, that he wants visitation, I am told that he wasn't homeless and never had a substance use disorder.
I was duped.
After Friday, I wonder...…maybe he drinks? To be quite honest, I work with alcoholics. Many of whom are seemingly lucid despite blowing a 2.5 or higher.
Do I have to hang a calendar outside of my door?
Hopefully the new security cams will suffice.
Something is off. His behavior is escalating. This coupled with the attempted break-in and demands for me to switch up visitation without a paper trail is scaring the shit out of me.
I'm going to take him to court. While we are there, we can easily create a visitation plan that may suite my ex better.
I think some people just like conflict so they make it impossible to solve problems.
********
It's a shame that the contractors disconnected the security cameras. I think they kept me safe. Luckily, they put in security doors last week.
I'm proud of me - I have not lit one single black candle in nearly five years.
Now....I rethinking my stance on it.
*****
Now, there are a couple of things to mention if I wind up dead.
First, I thought it was a neighborhood issue. My contractors are stating that the cops have been called on me numerous times due to parking of third parties in front of my neighbors' houses..
The police are not exactly stating that this hasn't happened but they're not confirming it either. My local city councilman has offered to look into it (but he's busy, so....if I can solve the mystery on my own, I will).
The neighbors say they see cops outside of my home routinely. I'm getting the sense from the police department that this is NOT happening.
I'm being told that Code Enforcement has been called and visiting the property. The code enforcement guy has told me that this isn't the case. Yeah, I'm livid that they evicted nice biker dudes who kept me safe from the stalker and now I deal with a freaky guy whose Rottweiler craps on my lawn.
I'd invest in sod if I could find a polite way to stop the crap from happening.
Our code enforcement guy isn't the problem. The code is the problem. I fear saying anything that will get this guy illegally fined by the city (yes, I've met yet another person harassed in that manner in the past three weeks....man....some people suck).
The security cameras are going back up.
In the past, my in-laws have had their friends (police officers from other jurisdictions) harass my neighbors and threaten me.
I'm wondering if the cops visiting the property are NOT Aurora or Arapahoe county cops.
It could simply be another phase in the harassment.
I'll solve the mystery.
I'm trying not to hot foot anybody until I know what the heck is going on.
It's probably my ex.
What are the odds that he's starting to flip out the exact same time as my house is getting broken into?
Especially with his history of stalking.
I'm betting it's my ex.
******
Oh - there is one thing. I've noticed a man in the shadows every night between 1:00 - 3:00 am. I hear him dragging things. He sets off the motion detector light across the street.
At 3:30 this morning, he was behind my vehicle. It was parked in my driveway due to the construction equipment inside my garage. .
I'm pretty sure he's the latest tenant in the slum property next door (16567) but am unsure. The behavior is weird because he seems to be hiding from me when I go outside.
No one else in the neighborhood is complaining about a possible break-in, so I'm thinking it's my ex and his family.
It could just be a neighbor, too.
Whoever he is, he should smile. He's now on Candid Camera.
Love,
S.
Edit 5:00 pm : Well, I found fecal matter rubbed on the garage door.
It is reading like harassment, isn't it?
Since I haven't yet mentioned the poop issue to the slum lord property owner, I doubt it's the neighbor.
Damn....
Well, rumor has it that I'm a black magick witch.
Now, I won't go into my spirituality here - I'm not into black magick or anything like that
-but-
I do know my way around the left hand path.
Let's just say,
the last thing you want to give an alleged witch is your DNA.
- Do not have sex with a witch you hate.
- Do not smear shit on her house.
- Do not comb your hair in her bathroom.
- Do not spit in her drink. That includes bodily fluids - had some poor sap do that to my coffee years ago. That poor man.
- Don't touch her door handle.
- Do not so much as breathe a curse in her direction.
The only thing worse to give a witch than your DNA, is your footprint or your picture.
If you're coming to my house, play nice.
Now, I possibly have an asshole's shit, his picture and his footprint.
It's a good thing I'm not as dark as the gossips make me out to be.
This could be a one person party.
Love ya,
S.
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