Well...Maybe the Stalking Sh!t Isn't Over

I wonder if I kick the person responsible for the latest round of property damage in the stones, 

 would he be able to sing this and hit the high notes? 

Truth be told, I'll sit back and let karma roll over him. 

 Today I am thankful for karma (and black magick if you believe in that kind of thing).   

On Saturday night, our front door frame leading into the house was broken while I left the house to pick up my daughter from Prom.  I would estimate it happened around 10:30 p.m. 

The door still shuts and it still locks.  It just won't open easily anymore. 

The front cameras didn't pick anything up. 

Today, around 4:00 p.m., the dog went nuts. 

My daughter then found that the back door frame was broken.  It doesn't shut very well and has to be gently pushed into the frame. 

She quickly sent me a picture of the damage via text.  I began the long drive home. 

I arrived home at 5:00 and found my stalkerish ex there with the kiddos.  That's really not very weird because when he visits them, it is at 5:00 p.m. on a Friday. 

Not sure what to make of all this. 

Maybe I know who did this and I don't want to believe it. 

I mean.....seriously.....

who else would it be? 

*****

There is wood everywhere. 

There are huge chunks of wood missing from the door frame. 

I should take pictures. 

Or maybe I should call the police 

(probably won't.....it's not like they'd do anything even if the cameras picked up a face.  When the stalking and property damage got ultra-creepy, they'd tell me to move...so...they won't do squat). 

So....

I'll probably just put new batteries in all four of the cameras and see who I can pick up. 

****

This happened once before in 2014, 

right after the divorce was finalized 

and my ex refused to move out of my house. 

He wanted to stay here to "keep [me] safe from the stalking." 

Yeah....right....

It used to give me panic attacks to find my doors broken. 

Now, I'm just irritated.

*****

 rrrrrdddddddddddddddddddddddddtffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffttttt

(sorry...doggo tried to type....) 

*****

My first thought was did Mike and his girlfriend break up? 

Or does someone want a bass guitar or four? 

There really isn't anything else here worth stealing. 

.I'll call a handyman I know. 

The last time this happened, the handyman expressed interest in a date 

but I didn't want him sucked into the drama. 

Maybe I'll be more receptive this time. 

Maybe the ex, 

or his creepy family, 

or the neighborhood thief 

are trying to help me move on. 

I should take this as a sign and a signal to do just that. 

I mean, I wasn't dating because I didn't want to piss off the ex. 

If he's gonna be a pissed-off prick now, why worry about it? 

I could rent out the basement to a guy for $500 a month or something.  I mean, it is a full apartment.  I'd be helping the housing crunch and I'd have someone here to scare the holy daylights out of Mr. Property Damage-Pants. 

Damn....

May you go where you need to go on your journey

without so many creepy wake-up calls, 

S. 

4/30/22 

This is weird. 

I went out with the girls today to pick up dinner  When I came home, the door leading from the back yard and into the garage was unlocked, the freezer in the garage was open and food was strewn in the garage. 

It was still frozen so whatever happened, happened right before we got home. 

So...

I don't know. 

Either I have gremlins 

or someone is fucking with me. 

My aunt came over to help clean up the mess. 

Her words, "Of all the people they could mess with, it would have to be you." 

She suspects the ex but asks, "doesn't he know what you can do to him?" 

I won't harm a soul. 

My pets will. 

Hugs, 

S. 

Edit 5/1/2022 

So, the ex has a bad habit of getting threatening when his life is going to shit. 

Apparently, on Friday, he told the kids that he wanted us to kill the cat.  Why on earth would he say that to a 20-year-old and a 17-year-old?   In just over a month, those visitations will no longer be required by law. 

Besides, he's obviously in one of his temper tantrum states. At this point, I'm pretty flippin' sure he's the one who damaged my house. 

My new camera system will be installed first thing tomorrow morning.  They're going to arrive at 6:00 a.m. 

I need a second job.  

Damn....

.  

Themis is being used: Fama will take action

 This is a post originally written on June 6, 2016.  **It was updated yesterday.

Original post: 

Today I am thankful for these words of wisdom;

 "when someone shows you who he is, believe him."

I didn't care too much about the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp divorce.

I really didn't.

I didn't really understand what was going on until I saw numerous stories hit the press in which Depp's friends and family started to bad-mouth Heard.

Abusers do that.  They get so caught up in denial, they have their friends and family go out on a smear campaign.

Depp must've done it. 

This behavior is typical of narcissistic abusers. 

I've learned the hard way. 

I'll light a candle for Amber Heard and pray she can find herself a more honest heart.

Crazy people do what crazy people do.  It is no reflection of the person suffering from the abuse.

Don't waste time responding to the bullshit, it's done to draw you back into the abuse.

Ignore him and hope a woman will become his next prey....maybe another narcissist w/ Borderline tendencies.  They can bring narcissistic men to their knees. 

I don't think I'll be able to sit through any more of Depp's films after that.

What a loser!

Non-abusive men who are falsely accused of domestic violence do not go on emotionally abusive smear campaigns.  Only abusers do that - they do it to deflect attention from their wrongdoings.

You'd think Johnny Depp's supporters would be smarter than to become abusive in an attempt to prove their friend innocent of abuse.

They are proving his guilt.  With friends like that, one doesn't need enemies.

Sigh.....

People are stupid.

I am finally learning the lessons of being a stupid woman who believed the lies of abusive asshats.

I pray you learn my lessons before you live them.

Love ya,

S. 

** Update 4/22/2022

I cannot believe a judge was dumb enough to let Depp go through with defaming himself in a trial that appears to be an abusive asshat's dream. 

Oh...my...gosh...

I know abusers like to pull the attention away from themselves and blame other people for their issues but, it appears that Depp doesn't know that this is only cementing that he's a narcissistic abuser hell-bent on gas-lighting his ex one last time. 

This will probably end his career.  Part of me wonders if he is funding those bizarre pro-Depp comments in the YouTube comment sections. 

Seriously? 

Whether male or female, once out of the relationship, a victim of domestic violence would stay away from a hostile ex. He or she wouldn't provoke an attack.   It is better to stay silent and let the abuser make his or her bullshit known 

exactly as Heard and her lawyers are doing. 

The truth eventually comes out in all its disturbing glory.  Victims are eventually vindicated.  Men like this, they like attention.  They like to waste your time and energy.  

That judge would be wise to grant a mistrial. 

Depp pulled this shit with Heard in England and lost. 

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61070988#:~:text=A%20British%20judge%20ruled%20that,in%20that%20case%20was%20denied.

Enough is enough. 

If I were that marriage counselor, I'd make sure my malpractice insurance would cover me in the event of a lawsuit. She isn't very bright either and needs to revisit the work of Lundy Bancroft and theories pertaining to reactive violence. Oh, anyone can file a complaint against a psychologist in California for behaving irresponsibly:

https://www.psychology.ca.gov/consumers/filecomplaint.shtml#:~:text=Who%20May%20File%20a%20Complaint,with%20the%20Board%20of%20Psychology.

I fear for the men and women stuck in violent relationships with this trial.  I'm sure it's fueling numerous rages.  I remember volunteering with battered women at the height of the Simpson trial.  There was an uptick in cases. Men thought they could get away with murder...

like O.J.

Ugh.....

when near a snake....

do your best to get away.  

Don't try to reason with a snake. 

 Don't try to charm a snake.

 Just get thee away. 

I pray the judge loses that seat on the bench. Don't use public forums to host an egomaniac's taxpayer-funded trip to egoville.  Never give an abuser this type of attention.  When he realizes what he has done to his reputation, Depp will just scapegoat Heard harder. 

Abusers never take full responsibility for their bullshit. 

It is disturbing that Depp is being allowed to display his narcissistic abuse in full glory.  Make no mistake.....he is doing this to pull his ex-wife back into the abuse.  It's disturbing that he has found allies to do just that. 

It is what it is. It's an abuser trying to cause a victim to take responsibility for his abusive nature. 

How many of us (men and women) wind up spending thousands of dollars in court because an abusive ex wants out of child support but demands the tax breaks?  Or visitation on demand even if the kids have school?  Or to move with the kids to Timbuktu with no notice? 

It's all about not taking responsibility and taking all of the control. 

Depp's bullshit is an injustice to all survivors of domestic violence who have had to endure an abusive ex whining about the fallout from their piss poor behavior.  

It's an injustice to Heard.  I hear her.  I'm sure Fama hears her, too.  Depp will forever live in infamy.  His career is burnt toast - blackened and crumbling all over the place.  It's not even worth touching.  

It would be wise for studios that consider hiring this guy to realize 25% of its female audience and 12.5% of its male audience have been or are victims of violent assholes who refuse to take responsibility for their shitty behavior.   It will be damn hard to get lost in a story when the actor playing the main character is mired in such disturbing controversy.  

Sigh, 

S.  

Why I Will Never Write a Book About Myself

Today I am thankful for yet another person asking that I write a book. 

I have. 

Boring, isn't it? 

Actually, this blog is partly fiction.  This would be me as a dark empath. I got the idea because it gave my in-laws and ex something to talk about.  They left me alone when they could hang out together and gossip.  I'm hopeful that the stalking is over.  Gossip on the street is that the ex is living with a woman now and she is unhappy...but if he's focused on her he won't be focused on me. 

Life is about the small wins.  

Still....any story of my life is boring. 

Do you know why it's boring? 

I don't take enough risks. 

I make a few mistakes.  

You don't make mistakes when you don't do anything. 

Those who don't take risks don't get themselves into the adventures that cause them to be scarred, interesting, and beautiful. 

I'm lucky. 

My sister came from the same beginnings.  She made mistakes.  She came out the other side. 

Her book would be fun to read. 

Mine, not so much.  

Besides, 

I think if I were to write a book, it would be a collection of sounds. 

Maybe twelve or so three to four-minute songs. Each capturing a certain scene of my life that might resonate with things other people experience. 

In truth, the story of my life will probably be in the free hypnotic recordings I'm known to produce. 

Some of the titles I've previously sent into the world (that YouTube has hidden) 

include 

Find Love

Get Over a Break-up 

Enjoy Public Speaking. 

Enjoy Debate. 

Focus and Concentrate on Work 

and so on and so forth. 

The next title might me 

How to Get over Frigidity. 

or if things get worse 

Accept your Asexuality. 

How to Master Bass Guitar...

or Spanish...

or Sign Language...

or maybe all three because without dating, I have a heck of a lot of time on my hands. 

I'm trying to be funny. 

Maybe I need Master Stand-Up. 

Oh, and I'm very proud of myself. 

My name is Siegfred and I am a musical instrument hoarder. 

I did a very huge thing yesterday. 

I sure did. 

I threw away a vial of valve oil from five years ago. 

I still have fifteen-year-old clarinet reeds from a clarinet that needs re-keyed...

but after an hour of coaxing, I threw away the valve oil because I don't have a french horn here anymore and donated the trumpet. 

There was a part of me that was seriously arguing that, when I get my expressive arts therapy certification, I may need it for a music group. 

No serious brass player wants rancid valve oil.  That would disrespect the instrument they honor by blowing life into it. 

So I threw it out. 

I need to go out and celebrate. 

I'm going to hit the pawn shops...

Men don't get my attention easily 

unless they're selling a sax or bass. 

Love ya, 

S. 

The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same

 

Just exchange the word Soviet for another three-syllable word, Khrushchev for Putin, and Reagan for Biden and you'd have a perfectly 2022 relevant song. 

I'm a counselor who specializes in dual diagnosis.  My clients are typically people who suffer from anxiety and substance use disorder.  Right now, this translates to my spending four to five hours out of every day helping people move past the 'what if Putin presses the button' worry. 

People with anxiety live in the future so much so that they don't see the beauty of the gift of the present. 

Every day this song goes 'round and 'round inside my head.  Most of my patients weren't alive during the cold war.  This feeling of dread pertaining to the world stage is new to them. 

Me?  We lived with it daily.  I remember the school drills where we prepared for a nuclear attack.  I grew up near Cheyenne Mountain.  We'd have been flattened by a nuke. 

My step-dad would tell me, "just sit under the school desk and kiss your ass goodbye."  Hardly appropriate for a 9-year-old girl to hear but he was an alcoholic. 

Yeah - 

Now, my world revolves around addicts. 

The beautiful thing is that humanity has evolved to the point that almost everyone I meet is pissed off at Putin and want him tried for war crimes.  It's a shame our fat-headed leaders haven't evolved.  Why should they?  It's not their children who die in their wars. 

War is profitable, too. 

Rich asshats stand to make a killing. 

There are more of us than there are rich asshats.  

***

What's a three-syllable word for Russians? 

Hmmmmm......

Why do I ask?

Well....I literally thought about grabbing my synth, tuning the Fender Precision, warming up the tenor sax, and covering the song. 

I was all psyched up. 

Then we had a potluck at work. 

Someone put peanuts in the salad. 

Some redheaded idiot thought they were garbanzo beans. 

That same redheaded idiot forgot the Benedryl. 

I spit it out. 

My throat became sore. 

I flippin' lost my voice. 

I left work with two realizations. 

First, I'm going to get a first aid kit for the office.  

Secondly, it must've been Divine intervention.  Despite all those years of singing lessons, my voice would be the perfect weapon of mass destruction. 

I didn't sing. 

I saved your life. 

You're welcome. 

Just teasing, 

S.  

p,s.  I think the word 'dictators' would fit. 

nah....it doesn't. 

Why mess with perfection?