Snowed In (with added case law)

Today I am thankful for.......

I'm not sure....yet....

let's see where we end up.


It snowed over the weekend.

I kicked the weekend off falling asleep during my ritual to Aphrodite and Eros.

I was incredibly disrespectful.

I wasn't wearing make-up.  I wasn't dressed up.

I didn't have any decent offerings.

I just fell asleep.

My Saturday morning dream consisted of a face from my past and above song playing as the soundtrack.

Not good......I had dreams of someone in a burn unit and spent most of my weekend with a hauntingly sad feeling in the back of my head.

It would seem I need to either sleep less or skip the delta dream state somehow.

Maybe I can try lucid dreaming.

The dreams are getting old.

**************************************
I spent Saturday seeing hypnosis clients and driving in the snow.  I love April snows because people have finally figured out how to drive in the snow and there are fewer close calls.

It was a heavy snow.  I couldn't shake it out of the leaves of the city owned tree in front of my house.

It's going to need to be trimmed now.

Where am I going to find the money?

*************************************

I spent today meditating and researching.

I was asked to write an article about the ways in which local governments cause homelessness.  I've done a lot of research.

Yes, it starts on the municipal level - with housing codes and restrictions.  So many shitty things....so few words.

The publication only wants a 500 word article.

How can I keep it that short?

YIKES....

People have been researching this topic since the 1980's.  I'm shocked that no one has caught on yet.

The sick part is that I've already gotten the attention of a whack job that works at the city owned mental health center.

Yeah, this person believes that 90% of homeless people are homeless due to mental illness.  [Imagine a buzzer sound].....the truth is that 20% of homeless people have a mental illness (some of that may be caused by the trauma of homelessness).

Another crazy person claims that 79% of the homeless are veterans (buzzer sound)....that figure is 8.6%.

Wanna bet they're gearing up to ask for a tax hike?

The last time the mental health organization requested a tax hike, they broke so many laws that people went to jail. 

The city needs to teach its people to research prior to opening their mouths.  If they're going to run to social media with misinformation, they may not want to name a city facility and tag me in their answers.

We all know that governments only care about increasing themselves.

It's enough to make me sick.

In fact, it has. 

I need to figure out what to do next. 

People promise to help.

They won't. 

This is why I'm meditating. 

I'm not so sure it's going to matter much in the coming months.

There is a weird feeling blowing in on the wind.

Can you feel it? 

The atmosphere is off. 

I can't put my finger on it.

**************************************
I'm still a little disgusted with what I've seen go down since I've been spending more time at home.

I'm still confused by the behavior of the cops

and concerned that the stalking is going to pick up.

The cops were harassing one set of neighbors (the bikers who rent the house directly to the east) at the request of a nasty homeowner (house directly west) who brandishes his gun at people who park in front of my house.

The bikers were parking in front of my house to keep my ex-husband's family away.  Now, they're being evicted due to the threat of fines from the city (due to shitty regulations and numerous calls by my other gun toting neighbor).

I probably would not have had to ask them to park there if the cops would have taken police reports.  They never did.  They told me that my ex was just messing with my head and to get a restraining order.   

You can't get a restraining order without a police report.

The cops also told me to buy new equipment (computers and phones) but they never investigated anything. They just blamed my ex-husband and told me to get him out of my house.  That took three years and cost me $6,400 in legal fees....AFTER THE DIVORCE WAS FINAL!. 

My ex husband got help from the city (that refused to investigate) and they are paying for his housing.  The shrink at the city owned mental health center convinced him that he's the victim. That's not good because it means he's not taking responsibility for his life.  The last time I saw him, my ex was upset because the city provided housing had bed bugs and that's my fault somehow.

Sigh....

Men who don't take responsibility for their lives and play the victim are prone to abuse (e.g. stalking).

It's like I fear the problems coming full circle.

I fear the stalking is going to pick up. 

The cops won't do anything.

In fact, they won't do anything about the gun toting neighbor who drew the line in front of my house dictating where I can park. 

The cop told me to park where I want.  Okay, so what's going to happen if I get shot?

The cop is playing code enforcement officer.  He was going next door to tell my biker neighbors that they have too many cars.  There is no law pertaining to that in Municode.  I also checked with the City Manager's office.

Who does this cop know? 

Perhaps he is a friend of the gun toting jackass or he's afraid of someone on the block.

We do have a little old lady from Austria who is really bad.  She'll bring gifts to people to try to get into their houses and threaten to call social services on the family.  Thankfully social services won't intervene without a referral from a cop.  She could be the one complaining.

The renters who were kicked out told me that she comes over all the time with diapers. 

Nosey people suck.

I just want the government to define its laws so they can be challenged.

I'm wondering if the law stating that only four unrelated persons can inhabit a structure is discriminatory in nature.  Many of these laws were put on the books to keep gay people from living together.

Maybe this law is intended to force marriage. Until very recently, same sex couples could not marry.  It may have kept two unmarried couples from living together.  The law would only pose a problem if one of those couples had children. 

I need to do more research.  I've already found case law which would invalidate any definition of family as "four or more unrelated" persons.  I guess it's up to the landlord if he wants me to challenge it.   He seems afraid of the cop. 

I'm amused by the cop. 

It's strange. Last summer, a couple of activists from a gay rights parade decorated my car. I've left the decorations alone.  

Yes, I drive the rainbow hypno-gay-pride mobile.

Maybe they did that so I wouldn't forget them. 

I think of these people each and every day. 

***************************************

I realized today that when I share invitations with people on social media....

I CAN NEVER GO TO THE EVENTS.....

I'm not sure the stalking is over.

I have to stop telling people about cool events unless I don't plan on attending.

***************************************
Social media is strange in and of itself.  I've only been on Facebook now for three weeks and I've already had enough with married guys trying to get my attention.

The problem with being female....is the horny married men intrigued by my occupation.

This is really a waste of energy for me. 

I should write a book on erotic hypnosis so guys can buy it for their wives and leave me alone.

I'm getting to the point of ignoring any man who contacts me online. 

There are far too many creeps out there. 

Maybe today I am thankful for the ability to turn of my computer.

Yeah, I'm satisfied with that one.

Love ya,

S. 

Next Day Edit:

Based on the case law I'm finding the City of Aurora is guilty of discriminating against disabled people (again)....

Hmmm.....this is interesting....disabled people cannot be singled out in zoning code.

Get a load of this....this is only one of many incidents I'm finding.....

[in] 1993, a federal district court in the case of Oxford House v. Town of Babylon, 819 F. Supp. 1179 (E.D.N.Y. 1993) concluded that the federal Fair Housing Act prevented the Town of Babylon from evicting recovering alcoholics and drug addicts from a group home based on the town’s zoning definition of family. The town alleged the house was being used in violation of the single family zoning because the residents were transient and not a family. Under the town code, a family is defined to include those related by blood, marriage or adoption, or not more than 4 unrelated individuals living in a stable, non-transient household. Oxford House accommodated between 5 and 8 transient residents. Under the Fair Housing Act, it is unlawful for government to discriminate in the sale, rental or use of housing on the basis of handicap and individuals recovering from drug or alcohol addiction are considered handicapped under the Act. In the court’s view, applying the town's zoning definition of "family" to evict the Oxford House residents due to the size or transient nature of the group living arrangement would discriminate against them because of their handicap. The court determined that the town's interest in uniform enforcement of its zoning ordinance was not a sufficient governmental interest justifying the eviction of the residents of Oxford house, since it had a much greater discriminatory impact on the handicapped.

The questions is of the day is.....

What business does the government have defining family?

Let me see if I can find someone on the state level to intervene.   

Sigh.....

Love ya,

S. 

Gratuitously Grouchy

Today I am thankful that I can work as much as I want and stay away from the house.

I made the mistake of coming home before 5:00.  I had a hypnosis client and went shopping.

I wore my fake wedding ring and realized that it is a stupid thing to do.  More men flirt with you when you wear those.

I'm not sure why. 

Oh my....

***********************************

I walked in the door and my home phone rang.

No one calls my home phone except the heavy breather and my ex's collection agencies. 

I only keep the number because....don't laugh.....because the digits are an ancient spell to contact a djinn...consisting of the numerals 2468..  Those are the digits in my phone number (some of them are repeated).  I'm not going to give you the order of the numbers because then you'll know my phone number. 

I thought the phone number was funny given my hobby of collecting alleged haunted artifacts.  I'm tempted to try one of the artifacts out.....yeah....but.....you know.....I'll explain below. 

This caller was my neighbor.  She was in tears.  Two city representatives handed her a notice telling her that the family had to vacate the property within 45 days.  The landlord was there.  He was very sad.

The landlord said that they are great tenants.  He wants to keep them -but- some nosey asshole (my words) keeps calling the cops and code enforcement on them.  The city wants him to evict.

The reasoning the city reps gave is that there is ONE too many unrelated people in the house.

One person. 

They're going to increase the homeless population by four because of one person (who is disabled, by the way).  Oh, they have two children.  The three year old had surgery on Wednesday.

I'm not impressed with the asshole neighbor.

I asked if the neighbors being evicted knew who their councilman was.  The landlord informed me that in talking to code enforcement, he was informed that if they called the councilman, it would cause an investigation and fines. He begged me not to call him.

I want to know who told him that!

I was irritated.

Want to take a wild guess who I called?

The City Councilman called back faster than I could answer the phone. 

Yeah.....the city councilman is going to look at the case and explain the code to me.  I asked the neighbor to send questions to the Councilman.

It's weird, I can't find it in MuniCode.  I'm sure it's there.  I just can't find it.  I want to know if children are counted as "unrelated persons."

I'm trying to understand how they are breaking code.  I want to understand how the asshole calling the cops can get away with it.

I'm beginning to dislike people. 

I really am. 

***************************************

I'm in the middle of the problem.  The neighbor to the right of me keeps calling the cops on the neighbor to the left of me.  The neighbor to the right of me brandishes his gun at people who park in front of my house. 

The little turkey with the gun won't give me eye contact.  He just ran from me when I went outside and said "hello."

He did it.  I hope he's proud.  He managed to get a family evicted.  The elderly landlord has just lost his retirement income until he finds another set of tenants.

I've lost my biker neighbors who keep my ex's family away. 

This little 'effer is going to have a curse cast upon him. In fact, I just cursed him as he ran into his house.  I used the meanest words I could......

"May everything you do come back to you seven fold."

I know he heard me.

As far as the haunted artifacts, I don't know what I'm dealing with.  If there are metaphysical entities with extraordinary power, why would they give a crap what this little piss ant has done?  I'm sure they'd want to do something far more interesting.

Given the stories about the djinn**, they'd want to do something far more entertaining for them and dangerous to us. Some things are fun to think about.  If I could make him wake up in a rainbow colored house and wish that he would have many male suitors, I would.

If I could wish that he'd get a better job in another area, perhaps Aleppo, I would do that in a heartbeat.

This guy is insane.

The problem is that he hasn't realized that I'm crazier. 

**For every evil there is corresponding goodness. We are not unprotected. 

As far as this crazy situation, I have to find the good in it or a way to make it good for others. 

*******************************

My musician buddies think we need a jam session.

I gave my good amp away. 

I'd need to borrow one in order to make this asshole's floors move. 

He wants to call the cops?  I'll give him a reason. 

Don't mess with a musician who loves to play bass. 

I'm so out of practice that the sound may just kill him. 

An angry chick has got to slap something, ya know. 

********************************
So much drama.

I've decided I can't be home anymore.

I don't think I want my kids here, either. 

It's bizarre.  It is almost as though the only people who work on this damn street are the cops and code enforcement officers the little tattletale turkey calls.  He's a horrible neighbor. 

He leaves his dogs outside all day.  One of them cries all the time.  I'll go out and talk to the dog through the fence.  It's heartbreaking.  I fear someone calling the pound because I don't trust them not to kill the poor little guys.

It's sad but it's true. 

I'm too libertarian-minded to call the city about the trash in his front yard, his lack of landscaping or his unlicensed business.

It's a shame other people in the neighborhood are just as angry as I am.

I know they're getting ready to retaliate. 

Who am I to stop them?

*******************************

More to the question, why are the cops and code enforcement enabling this nasty neighbor?  They know what he's doing (they can see it).  I've also alerted the police to his propensity to brandish his gun at people who park in front of my home. 

This guy is probably elated that he got his way.

The rules don't apply to him.

I don't think the police officer in charge of this neighborhood understands what happens when you give into a narcissist.

You create a monster!

A tip off to his narcissism is his stated belief that the rules don't apply to him. 

Seriously......

It IS going to get worse......much worse.

The deadliest words out of my mouth are "I'm going to take care of it."

I said that this morning.

The cops don't get it.  Code Enforcement doesn't get it.

Ugh.....I'm going to have to take care of it. 

I won't have to shoot anyone, brandish a weapon.....

I only have to say six words.

(Yes, I stole that from Doctor Who.....)

Truth is, I only have to make one sound and move my hand). 



The brain will fill in the missing letters....

He'll hear....MOOOVVVEEE!

********************************

My therapist buddies think I should reach out to the asshole and try to find out what need he is filling by calling the cops all the time.

It may be that harassing people is how he alleviates stress. 

Yeah.....[grumble.....grumble....], harassing other people will not fix his life. 

He probably needs help finding a job. I know this because he uses his two jobs as an excuse to keep his yard a filthy trash heap.  He told me that he carries a gun while driving for Uber and he has his own business. 

I know just the people he should talk to if he wants a real job (with benefits). 

If he ever talks to me without running away, I'll give him a business card or two to some recruiters.

Geesh......

I'm shaking my head so much that I'm getting whiplash!

May your days be sunnier than mine.


Love ya lots,

S. 

Anger

Today I am thankful for rage.

I am frustrated because I cannot drill down what exactly is making me feel rage.

I know why I am angry.

I know it has to do with watching people cry today in municipal court.

There is something strange going on that I can't quite put my finger on.

I know it has to do with people obviously lying.

Body language speaks volumes.

I know it has to do with unfair laws and unfair fines.

I know it has to do with political hypocrisy.

I think there is more to it than those little things.

I've been angry at the local government a very long time.

When people rattle off the name of their City Councilmen, it's sad that I know he won't give a hairy rat's ass about his constituents. 

Of course, I can't say that.

It's true. 

I'm not saying all the men are bad on council are bad.  A couple care quite a bit.  There are those who are more political oriented and really don't care about more than maintaining the status quo.

I'd nearly walk to the ends of the earth for the ones that care.  I'm not to the point of trusting the city enough to give things to them....yet... this is probably due to my personal experience with the council member who doesn't care.  He used to be a city employee.  His staff were a bunch of obnoxious liars.

Maybe I'm pissed because I've dealt with government assholes my entire life. I was related to an step-uncle who wanted to be mayor of a small town. He beat his son within an inch of his life in front of me.  That was the day I learned I could modulate my voice to make people fear me.  I was twelve.  Even with that, the local government didn't care.  The COUNTY did.  They investigated him for child abuse.  He never went beyond the role of fire chief.

This is probably why I don't like the idea of my municipality becoming it's own county.  There would be no checks and balances.  There would be no one to report abuse to because no one within the organization listens. 

I think the abusive crap I've seen in my step-family and in the foster care system is why I was initially drawn to social work.  I had uncovered so much sexual abuse in foster homes as I tried to extricate my sister from the system.  I wanted it to stop.

Then, there was the time a couple of Denver cops threw me to the ground and searched me for drugs.  They were angry when I didn't have any.  Their names were James and Miller.  I remember a big six on their squad car and seeing them roam around Capital Hill on their bicycles.  Another cop told me to avoid them. 

I went down and spoke to the homeless kids and they told me they were often rolled for drugs. That's probably how I developed relationships with homeless people. 

I tried to make a report.  Denver refused to listen.

When I was raped, I was thrown out of Denver General Hospital because I a minor.  I was emancipated.  My parents were both dead!

I had nowhere to go to file a report. I was okay.  I was old enough to get a job and pay my own way, so to speak. 

Younger kids had nowhere to go to make a report and have it taken seriously. They couldn't earn money.

I wanted to be one person who wouldn't ignore it. 

I learned how to get attention.

This city....oh, my....it's a  bureaucratic nightmare.  No one cares if you see blood in the cages at the animal shelter. When I reported that, some jerk threatened me.

Don't worry.  I'm a hypnotist.  He got the worse end of the conversation.

• Remember that was before the new shelter manager took over.  I can't blame her for that.  I don't trust her because of it.  She's entrenched in the same system so it's hard to trust her, especially after what I witnessed at the animal court today.   

No one cares when the city kills your service animal because she is a pit bull! This is a violation of the ADA!

BINGO! 
That's why I'm angry.

The City Attorneys are so full of themselves, they can't reason their way out of the little box they've built for themselves.

They KNOW that they have to honor the ADA but they play every game in the book to avoid it.  This is the ignore 'em until they pay the fines and go away dance. 

I hate that dance.  That dance is going to cost the taxpayers a fortune.

That's why I'm pissed off.  The family had nowhere to go to report this. 

There is no advocate in this city. 

There is no one to go to when things get bad.

If you start a political action group to try to fill that need, the city council messes with you and uses campaign finance law to shut you up.

I'm not sure exactly what to do. 

I have to give it up to my Goddess.

****************************

I'm religious.  My Deity got my attention.  I got the exact result I prayed for. 

However, there must be more I need to do.

I can't figure out what it is.

Too many people roll over and play dead. 

Part of me wants to volunteer to help the homeless in this city.  Rather than drive to my hometown (over an hour away), I should probably stick closer to home. 

More to the point, I don't want to volunteer for the city.  I don't want to give them any more than I have to because I DON'T WANT TO ENABLE THE BAD BEHAVIOR!

There is a lot of bad behavior. 

There is a lot of justification for the bad behavior at the top.  The average employee is decent, professional and humble. I feel somewhat protective of them.  They have it rough because they can be illegally fined on a whim.

The problems stem from the City Manager's office and the City Attorney.  The problems were there before the new City Manager took the helm. 

I guess it comes down to one word - TRANSPARENCY.

There is a horrible lack of transparency.  CORA requests aren't typically answered.  The City Attorneys act like answers are trade secrets that they have to keep.  Yeah.....like no one else is in the business of screwing people. 

There is no transparency. 

The breed ban enables the shelter to demand DNA tests from the provider they choose.  I want to know if there are kickbacks.

I have the same question about behavioral specialists.  People have to use the company the city chooses for them.  Are there kickbacks?

There was one occasion today when I thought the defendant may have needed an interpreter.  The judge didn't offer.  What is the protocol there?

Are there performance goals for city employees that might result in their lying and unfairly targeting citizens?

-or-

are city employees still fined if they don't follow the unethical dictates of supervisors?

So....in drilling it down....I'm upset at the lack of transparency and the lack of accountability.  There is no place people can go to report wrongdoing.

What can I do about it?

I don't know.

These thoughts would probably be amusing to the good ol' boys network that runs the place.  They forget, the good ol' boys network is aging to the point of senility.  I know those words are hurtful but the good ol' boys model is fading into obscurity.  The people, in and of themselves, might be okay.  It's the sum of the parts that is horrible.  The groupthink won't last. 

There is one thing I do know.

The Gods don't get your attention and leave you hanging.  I'll light a candle and meditate over it to see what must be done. 

*******************************

I've been to the municipal building three times this week. 

There is a homeless woman I see with her push cart one block away.

I wonder........

does the Mayor notice her as she sleeps under the trees?

What would he say?

I know he cared.  What would he do?

Would my City Councilman care?

He's allegedly big on housing issues.

I know one of the at-large members would care.  He'd have me contact him to get the name of the social worker that needs the volunteer and see what they could offer her. 

I don't know if I want to help enable the bad behavior or associate with this organization as anything other than an outspoken citizen.

I'll talk to people I know who are homeless advocates before approaching her. 

People who are newly homeless will talk to people.  They'll share their stories.  People who have been on the streets a long time tend to have a difficult time trusting people because they've been let down in the past.

I need something tangible to offer her before I can earn her trust. 

*********************************

The problem with a lack of trust, it makes it hard for people to associate with you.  One bad apple can spoil the bunch.  There are many good people in the organization but the spoiled apples take all of the attention.  The bad apples dictate who can say what to whom. 

We smell rotten apples more than we smell the good ones. 

Those rotten apples will contaminate everything.

I'll pray about it. 

There is probably little I can do. 

*******************

These problems are only going to get worse.

If we let the animal control department continue it's course, they're going to need a bigger facility.  Right now, I guarantee people are unhappy with the shelter due to recent events in the news (trying to kill a shepherd because an officer mistook it for a wolf).  No one would vote on a tax hike to fund a new shelter. 

The homeless population will continue to grow as rents rise.

We can't afford to be idle.

*******************
There are times when I ask myself

who are you to do something?

The question that really matters is

how important are you that you can ignore this?

I'm not a city council member.  I'm not the mayor.  I'm not the city manager.

I'm a taxpaying citizen, just like the people railroaded in court today and just like the homeless person.

I'm nobody.

I can't ignore it. 

Love ya lots,

S. 

Witchy Project: Does my love life need fixed?

Today I am thankful for well meaning witchy friends.

I think I finally understand the dirty dreams.  It's probably my subconscious mind trying to figure out what love means to me.

Love is unconditional.

Love is there whether or not I'm alone or in a crowd.

To me, love doesn't mean owning someone or clinging on to them.

Love just is - whether or not the ones we love are with us.

That is what I've learned about myself over the past six months or so.

I am capable of love.

I'm not capable of having a love/sexual relationship.

*************************

I learned last night that a witchy friend had her coven cast a love spell for me.  These are spells where no one is named.  The intention is to find someone who would be a good match for me.

They may have been concerned about my being alone. 

Everywhere I went, I had puffy crying eyes.  She said she wanted to cast a spell to ward off my stalker but she was too afraid of what would happen to the perp.

I guess she choose something more positive instead.

This spell was cast on Samhain (Halloween).

This could be the reason my dreams about men from my past have picked up steam.

Most of the dreams are about the first relationship.  That is probably where my relationship train derailed.

No matter the dream, they each taught me that I run away from relationships.

In fact, I've discovered that I have a phobia of relationships. 

I panic now at the slightest interest from a man. 

I wasn't always this way.

I'm not sure exactly when that started.

In fact today, someone mentioned that public speaking was the everyone's greatest fear.  In my head, I disagreed.  I tried to imagine the worst speech I could ever possibly give

and then

I had the sick realization that I'd prefer to speak to a bunch of murderous government employees where I'm planning to gut their pay.....

than kiss a man. 

That's a bit weird.

I'm realizing I have a full blown phobia.

It probably stems from being choked the last time I kissed somebody. 

That's probably why I'm not keen on dating. 

**********************************

I don't know exactly why I run away. 

I probably ran away before I dated the last guy.

Maybe I'm not happy with my appearance.

Maybe I feel too old.

It could come down to my last relationship and my desire not to be ridiculed day in and day out.

I really don't want to date someone who plays relationshit games with me ever again.  I don't want to be put in any more double binds. 

The last guy would demand crazy stuff from me. 

If I didn't do what he wanted, he'd run around on social media telling people that I didn't love him.  He'd have our mutual friends contact me and express their concerns.  Two of them were very cruel (one knew me years earlier from a business relationship...he brought up the fact that I never slept with him and called me a tease).

Ugh.......

If I gave in to him and did what he wanted, he'd ridicule me in public for not having self-respect.  Again, his relatives or friends would contact me expressing their concerns.  Sometimes they were not very nice about it.

I never want to live like that again.

Damned if you do.....damned if you don't. 

I'd rather I didn't. 

Besides...I never want to be stalked again, robbed again or beat again and put in the hospital.

I'm tired.

I think, for me, true love is a bass guitar, some oil pastels and a goldfish. 

It could be that my attitude is fishy.  I don't know. 

If you care, they actually make Goldfish bass guitars,.

****************************************

Maybe that's the result of the spell,

To put me in touch with the panic.

To tell me that I am whole all by myself. 

I don't need a man. 

The last guy basically told me that I had to be perfect to be loved. 

Perfection isn't going to happen with me. 

I'm fine with that. 

**********************************

There is a lesson from the dreams of my first love.  In all of the dreams where he is hitting on me,  there are much prettier women standing near him and behind him.  I tell him that all he has to do is turn around!

Oh, crap.  That sounds like something I've actually said to him, a couple of times (I'm remembering a really pretty woman with a laptop making eyes at him in a coffee shop and urging him to say hello...he refused).  I've even written it to him online, when he brought me up on Facebook in response to a hot chick asking what he was into.  That was the day when I knew I was in his way.  I've avoided him ever since.  Maybe I shouldn't have?  I don't know.

Darn it!!

I knew this all along!!!

My dreams are just repeating what I already intuitively know!

I know I'm not what he wants because he broke up with me, albeit thirty years ago. It didn't work out. I was lacking somehow.  When he shows up, I feel strange because I don't know what he needs to hear.  I know the truth.  He needed someone better suited to him.

If I love someone, I'll want the very best for that person.

There are prettier women out there.  There are thinner women out there.  There are wealthier women out there.  There are smarter, more talented and more expressive women than I.

I'm not the best catch in the world.

I want the best for the people I care about.

I know men tell me that they want someone who understands them -but- I'm not convinced that's all they need.  Who is to say a hot thirty-something won't be able to understand you when given half the chance?

I'm thinking that they truly want someone younger, prettier, fitter, smarter......and on and on. 

They need someone special. 

I have had men tell me that they love me because I care. They can feel my compassion when I work with the homeless or the elderly.  They say they love me for that.   

It's puzzling to me why that would be.

My compassion doesn't mean I'll meet their unique needs.  It takes time to develop a relationship and to grow.

You don't just hear someone's voice and fall in love.  It doesn't work that way. 

It takes time.

Yeah, I know there is a second lesson.  If the actor in my dreams is a mirror for me.......

all I have to do is turn around to find guys, too.

Yes, I get hit on.

No, I don't think I can take anyone up on anything right now. 

I'm too afraid.

I've got some guy from high school blowing kisses at me on social media.  Our reunion is coming up.

I'm not going to go.

I can't. 

He calls me a hottie. How does he know?

He hasn't seen me for at least ten years.

I may have looked nice thirty years ago.  I may have looked nice ten years ago.

We grow and change. Who is to say I'm attractive now?

I don't have pictures on social media because of the stalking. 

This guy does NOT know what I look like at all. 

Why is he flirting?

Sigh.....

**************************
After these dreams, I realize that some of us don't have another half.  We are meant to be alone. We are more true to ourselves when we are alone. 

I think people who are meant to be alone are blessed with a dysfunctional partner picker.  We miss all the red flags.  We end up in bizarre situations because we are far too patient and we don't send assholes packing sooner.  We put up with a lot before we get angry. 

Worse, we can't reason our way out of a dysfucktional relationship. 

I love myself enough to stay away from potential dysfunction. 

I wonder how much of the dysfunction I create in the relationship?

I should have stayed away the first time my ex-husband's family started stalking me in 1992!

I didn't.  I broke up.  I took him back and I kept putting up with it!

That's dysfunctional. 

**************************

I know that people will say that my last relationship triggered the wounds from my childhood.  I was an orphan and not really wanted by my extended family.

I don't know.  I think I moved past that.  My family talks to me now.  They seem to like the fact that I have a masters degree, that I am a rabble-rouser and I think they're proud on those rare occasions when they see me in the papers.  They also take credit for the fact that I didn't turn out to be a drug addict or an alcoholic despite my crappy upbringing.

I think my attitude is due to my age.  I think it is an evolutionary instinct to be alone if you're not intending on having kids.  I tend to steer my male friends to dating young women so they have more options for their future. 

I think his behavior makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint.  Older women won't do those things easily.

I've chosen to be alone.  Perhaps that spell has caused me to focus on the reasons for it so that I can be at peace with it.

This is probably not the result they intended for me to get from their love spell.  I'm too old to have my love life fixed. 

Even magick can't help me. 

It is what it is.

Maybe I can find more love if I just love in a platonic fashion. 

May you find all that your soul needs to be happy and feel loved.

Love ya,

S. 

NEXT DAY EDIT: After writing this post, I've been more cognizant of flirting when it happens.  I'm very uncomfortable with it.  It makes me sad. 

I get the impression that men think they have to make me smile.

I think I forgot how to smile.  It's not their fault.  They can't fix me. They're not responsible for my smiles or lack thereof.

A neighbor told me that people shouldn't mess with me because I'm a "badass."

Yeah, he was flirting.

I'm not a badass.  I have a fat ass. 

I'm just tired of bullshit.  I think that kind of badassery just comes with age. Most people in my age range either become complacent or want to change things.

********************

Flirting shouldn't make me cry. It did today.

I feel broken. 

Maybe I need to spend time doing things I want to do (e.g. play bass, draw, take a walk) rather than things I feel I need to do (e.g. research social issues and make meditation recordings).

Change takes time.

*******************
I've decided that I just need the appearance of unavailability.

I'm not sure the stalking is done.  I still get a lot of hang up calls.  I answer.  There is silence on the line, breathing and then the person hangs up.

Whenever I post to Facebook, I get friend requests from people with no friends.  If I delete the request, another one pops back up. It's just easier NOT to post anything online. 

I've decided to wear a fake engagement ring and stay away from social media.

That should fix the problem. 

Cheers!

Love ya,

S. 

More Hoovering

Today I am thankful for boxes and a reminder that my ex-husband doesn't understand boundaries.

I am tired of hoovering.

On Thursday, I received an email that my ex-husband had been fired again.

I did not respond. 

Friday night, he requested that I drop off the teenagers for a visit at a movie theater on the other side of town on Saturday afternoon.  I had an eye appointment.  I had about 12 hours notice. 

The kids hadn't seen their father for over four months, so I agreed.....reluctantly. 

He wanted them picked up three hours later.  The girl staying here offered to pick them up after the movie because my eyes were dilated and I could not see.

The divorce decree spells out visitation quite clearly.  He's to pick them up and drop them off.  He's supposed to see them every Friday through Sunday on the first, second and fourth weekends of the month.

He's supposed to carry health insurance and pay child support.  None of these things are happening.  It's funny, when we divorced he made twice of what I made at my last job.  His last job was also at a call center.  Our wages were similar but he can't afford to help out. 

He's the victim. 

I understand that things happen.  I don't mind being flexible so long as it doesn't impinge upon my lifestyle.  

These demands are starting to do just that. 

He's a victim.  I have to make allowances for his victimhood.  He just got fired....again.  He's unemployed.  I need to understand.  He's in a bad situation.

I have to help him.

I'm almost in the same boat.  I kept my hypnosis practice going but I need to get health insurance.  I need to find a job NOW!

I don't want to waste any more time packing up this guy's stuff and waiting for him to pick it up. 

I spent the first two weeks of my unemployment packing up his things and cleaning up the mess he made.  He only took some things.  He decided he wanted the tv, vcr, movies and music after we decided the kids would keep these things during our separation agreement mediation four years ago.  I found out that he wanted these things 48 hours before he came to pick them up.

Sigh...I gave it to him just to end it. 

I received an email today.  He wants to come over on Monday to pick up the rest of his stuff. 

I told him no.  I keep finding stuff of his around the house.  I'd like to have some time to pack it up.  Maybe he could pick it up during the next weekend if he visits the kids.

He argued with me saying that Monday (today) is the only day he'll have a van.  That was my van.  The one given to me in the divorce.  The one I paid for with student loan money.  The one I signed over to him when a driver for Centurylink hit it and offered $1980.00 if we wouldn't sue.  I signed it over to him so he could get the money and use it to move out.

Of course, he stayed here another seven months.  I don't know what he did with the money. 

Ugh.....

The judge gave him 30 minutes to pick up his stuff.  He needed a police officer present.  I let him take a little over four hours to go through his things while making a mess of my garage without a police officer. I'm not looking forward to repacking everything. 

Now, he wants another day.  It HAS to be tomorrow.

I tried to set another boundary.  My weekdays are reserved for job searching and hypnosis clients.  I really don't want to sit at home and wait for him.  I can't even go into my recording studio because I have to be able to hear the doorbell ring. 

It's a major time suck.

I don't want to park outside of my house and deal with the asshole neighbor who brandishes his gun because he thinks he owns all the street parking.  Monday is the day this neighbor needs the parking in front of my house.  Monday is the day he pitches his MLM products and has a lot of guests over.

Monday is this neighbor's favorite day to call the cops. 

I'll keep the stuff in the garage if he'll take it. He's been saying that he doesn't want the clothes.  He wants me to donate them.  Yesterday he reaffirmed that he didn't want the things in the garage, all he wanted was his hats.  Hats are clothing! They're in a box in the garage.  I'll sort through them and set them out.

I'm sure glad I didn't call the Disabled Vets Society to pick up the clothing yet. 

I wonder.....

how much of this emailing and messing around with court orders is an attempt to stay connected to me?

Is this how the stalking morphed?

I need to go low contact.

I'm thinking the judge spelled out the rules for picking up his stuff so it wouldn't become a drawn out ordeal. 

I wonder how long this can go on?

Why am I not allowed to set boundaries?

People trying to escape toxic relationships are often hooked back into them by wanting to

be loved (missing being in a relationship),
alleviate guilt (stay together for the kids),
and/or
get help (financial, daycare, help around the house).

My hook?

That's the need for fairness.  All these years, I've tried to be fair to him. 

I couldn't leave between '01-'07 because he had some health issue (e.g. claims of traumatic brain injury or needing surgery).
I couldn't leave between '08-11' because he needed a job.
I couldn't leave between '11-'13 it was because he wouldn't give me legal paperwork.
I filed anyway. 

At first, he took a traveling job and was rarely here.  He'd give me move out dates and they'd come and go without anything happening.

When I started interviewing lawyers, he lost his job.  His job loss has been the excuse to stay here and make demands on my time since. 

Fair?

Is it fair that I want to live alone four years after he signed the separation agreement?

YES!

It took three years and $6,400 in legal fees to get my ex-husband out of my house - after our divorce was final.  The divorce seemed to take forever, too.

Thankfully he left in December.

It's still not over, is it?

I realize that I'm never going to get away, am I?

I'm glad I decided to be alone.



I don't believe in fairy tales.

Even if I were in a fairy tale, I'd never be the princess.  I'd be the magician, the witch or the sorceress.  We don't get the prince.  We get something much more fun and interesting.  Even if I did find my delicious devilish delight, I'd run away for his sake.  I wouldn't be easily found - no glass slippers for this girl.

Honestly, there is no reason to put another soul through this drama. 

I need a better story. 

This one is exhausting!

Sigh.....

Love ya,

S. 

Edit:  Now, I'm seeing text messages expressing concern about my sight. 

Maybe I need to just give up trying to get away.

It's not going to happen.

I don't know what is fair.

I try to help.

I've tried to help for years.

Nothing I do really helps.

It's not like he listens to me.

It's not like I know what in the world is really going on between him and his family.

I have the urge to hide from him and anyone who knows him.

It's not a nice feeling.

I just don't know what else to do. 

All I can think is that I need to put my needs first.  My job hunt has to be my priority.  The things he wants has to take a back seat.

He isn't paying child support.  What happens if I'm not working?  Someone has got to do the grunt work.

I'm the only one willing to roll up my sleeves to get it done.

One day at a time.

That is all that I can do. 

We Need a Redhead Lobby

I heard this song today.  Upon listening to it, I realized why I don't want a relationship.  I like to  fight (or cause trouble for people who try to control others).  I realized that my God is the masculine energy that picks me up when things start to get....um....interesting.  I would never dare to put another mortal man in between me and trouble.

That said.....

Today I'm thankful that I have a temper.

As a young child, I had a red curly fro.  I should post a picture.  On Facebook there is a picture of my redheaded mother pushing me in a stroller and my red curls are literally glowing in the sun.

As I grew, it darkened up quite a bit to a very dark warm brown.

There are pictures of me in the sun, wearing my Easter dress, and wrestling with boys. 

My hair was dark.

Around my birthday in the fall, it would lighten up.

When my hair lightens up, I'm a ginger.

For over thirty years, I've been trying to get my warm dark brown wavy hair back.  I had a perm at 17.  My hair lightened up.  My hair turned bright red. 

It's never been the same. 

Darkening my hair never works.....for long.  I've even paid hairstylists to color my hair.  It doesn't keep.   

There is too much red in my hair.

My friends say my hair has an identity crisis.

No it doesn't.  It's red, albeit different shades.  It's always red.

I'm the one who is in crisis. 

It will go brown or black for a few days but it'll always fade to red. 

Always red.

I hate it!  Even if I manage to darken most of my hair, there is always this reddish cast to it.  When I'm in the light (or on TV or in the paper), I look like I have an 'effin' red halo.

I can always pick myself out of photographs in the paper. 

I hate it!

This is one reason I hate taking my picture. 

I look like a demon.

I was horrified to find myself in the back of this picture with red hair flying in the wind. My hair was supposed to be dark brown.  My hair wasn't in my thoughts at the time. This was the day after a lunatic shot up a theater.  I was praying to Osiris.  It was beautiful.  A little boy who stood in front of me was wearing Osiris brand shoes.  Seeing the name of the God of the Dead was, in my mind, a symbol that my prayers for the dead were answered.  I needed to turn my prayers to Isis (Mary) and Horus (Jesus) ..to the living.

One of the women standing next to me broke down in tears.  I hugged her.  I never knew her name but she was in my prayers for a very long time. That was  almost five years ago.  Those left behind after a tragedy need to be assured that their lost loved ones will always be remembered. We will always remember.....always.

*******************************

When I see public schools in the United States suspending girls for having red hair, it is a little bit disconcerting to me.

They claim it is an unnatural color.

I can certainly see how one can have golden brown hair one day, go home for spring break and enjoy the sun, only to return a week later with red in her hair.

It always happened to me.

I was never threatened with suspension.

If I had been, I'd be fighting district wide tax hikes.

Redheads have attitude.

Maybe that's why school officials are scared.

I am almost to the point of opening up an online community to support young ladies that have this happen to them.  I think redheads need to stick together.  We should slam these unenlightened educators in social media, in emails, in the papers.  Can you imagine anything scarier than a bunch of angry redheads?

One thing that school officials need to get straight is how this impacts natural redheads.  Imagine having red hair and being, say age five or six.  You're too young to understand the Christian history and religious superstitions that claim red hair is a bad thing.

You just know you have red hair.

You are reading in the paper that red hair is bad and unnatural

and that you can be punished for it!

Kids are egocentric.  This means that they tend to take everything in.  If a young child's red hair is bad, they often reason that they are bad.

How do you think that feels?

How do you think it impacts the development of their psyches?  Or their self-esteem?

I certainly don't want my tax dollars used to torment red headed people....especially children.

I don't think public school principals understand how hair color works.

Warm brown hair + public swimming pools + sunshine =  red hair

Discriminating against older kids with red in their hair will impact younger kids with red in their hair.

It will also piss off redheaded adults, who vote and pay taxes.  Don't mess with a redhead.  Never mess with a group of them.

In about ten years, I'll be a natural platinum blond.  I'm not going gray.  My hair is turning a soft white.  I'll probably have it cut like Andy Warhol.

I'll be a redhead in disguise. 

My temper will still be there. 

If this public school discrimination crap happens in Colorado, I'll work on gutting the funding for the public education system and giving it to private schools and homeschoolers.  That's a promise. 

I may do it anyway.  It's a long story but I had an interaction with a public school employee yesterday that left me scratching my head and worrying about this woman's mental health.  Maybe I'll talk about it below.

Remember, redheads endure a lot of teasing, taunting and discrimination.  We'll dish hell out on a platter to anyone who harasses a child over red hair.

We need to have an online support group where kids can turn when this happens to them. 

*******************************

Yeah, yesterday one of my kiddos had a migraine. She very much wanted to go to school (because she's a straight student with a 4.0 average).  I said she could go if she promised to see the nurse if she starts to see flashing lights.

That's the sign that appears right before she vomits.

I don't want the teachers cleaning up the vomit.

That was when I was informed that the school nurse doesn't see kids for migranes.  There only eight reasons a child can see the school nurse.  Each of them start with B.  Migraine starts with M.

I kept her home and called the nurse demanding to see this list of eight reasons a sophomore can see the school nurse.  I expressed concern about kids getting hurt and resulting litigation that taxpayers will have to fund.

She told me that I was threatening her and hung up on me.

Threatening her?  Seriously?  My idea of a threat involves bombs, guns, pretending to be the Punisher, or Batman or some other renegade with deadly toys.

To some liberals.....any disagreement is a threat.

I called her supervisor.  I called the Principal.  I expressed my concerns.  They had the cowardly nurse send me the list. Sure enough, it's written for elementary school students. 

The game plan is for my daughter to say she has a Bad Headache because BAD starts with B! Geesh.....

I'm thinking about homeschooling.

I also found out a neighborhood boy who puts up with other boys hitting him was expelled.  After being thrown from his seat in the lunchroom, he said he needed a knife.

He was expelled for making a threat.

He was in the lunchroom. 

The bullies, of course, get to stay.

I'm regretting not fighting the last tax hike.  This is what we're funding? 

Seriously?

My house payment is going up $200 a month for this?

NO!

***********************************

Right now, I'm having trouble seeing.   

My eyes are so dilated that look like I've taken a bunch of drugs.  I went to the eye doctor seven hours ago! 

My former employer is reneging on our agreement.  That won't last (evil laughter).  Out of fear that I'll lose my health insurance, I decided to get some things taken out of the way like my eye exam, dental exam and I probably should get a mammogram (yeah.....I have a breast cancer sign....there is an inverted thing going on but it goes away when I drink collagen so I don't know if I should take it seriously).  

If I tell anyone I know, they'd drag me to the doctor and hide my car keys until I was irradiated. 

Part of me thinks that the radiation is the problem.  I started seeing signs a year ago.  Several years ago, a dentist gave me several x-rays on an older machine without a lead bib.  Part of me has been a little paranoid since that day. 

I had my eyes dilated for the first time today.  Everything is fine. I don't need bifocals.  My wallet is $300 lighter.  My eyes are black and I can't see very much.

I didn't think it was a big deal.  I can see street signs.  I drove home. 

When I tried to answer my phone, I realized that I couldn't see the buttons.  I'm having trouble seeing the computer.  I tried to make homemade bread with my new bread maker; it was funny trying to read the recipe book and press the right settings. 

I wonder how it's going to turn out.  I'm sure it will be fine.  Bread is bread.  You can't really mess it up too bad.  I might wind up with dough or something but the recipes are usually very similar.

I'll let you know if it turns out to be funny.

I feel like I'm killing time until my eyes go back to normal.  I really need to get back into the studio and make some recordings.

I'm very behind.

I love having so many teenagers around.  They sure make life fun.  It's going to be difficult when they move out.

They are running to the store for sandwich supplies.  I guess they're counting on bread. 

They may wind up with pizza dough!

May you find people to support you when you need it.
May your have people around to help when you're experiencing downtime.
May you be supportive to people you care for who are in need.

Oh,

NOT EVERYTHING IS A THREAT - people use knives in the lunchroom and conservatives want to spare entities supported with tax dollars from lawsuits.

Finally, leave redheaded children alone!! 


Love ya lots,

S. 

Another Day Another Batch of Dogs (edit)

Today I am thankful for a sign from my patron Goddess.  

The city has taken three more dogs and are threatening to kill them.

Each of these dogs were named after Pagan Goddesses.

One of whom is the patron Goddess of Dogs - the deity who, in a dream, gave me my green eyes and red hair so that I would remember my mission.

I awoke looking different.

This goddess came to me in my sleep.  She told me I'll always be loved by one man who suffers in silence and that I'll fight for women, children and those among us with the least.

All I can do is pray for the man and help him when he reaches out. 

I do my best to fight for kids, women and people in general. 

I worship archetypes. 

She is MY archetype. 

She protects women and children. 

This Goddess only loved one man.  He now lives among the stars.

I loved once.  He breathes under the same stars I do. 

I choose to be alone: This gives me more time for rabble rousing. 

The Goddess has given me a task I have yet to complete. 

I have to find a way to help others without being a statist. 

That's the trick. 

How do I help people without begging the government for money?

I need to shoot the right arrows and hit the right targets. 

I need to get better at hunting. 

**************************************

Guess what ritual I'm going to perform?

Oh, this is going to be funny.

I wonder if they can guess the dogs' names? 

There is more than one.

There are three!

Can a sign from the Gods be even more clear?

I have to take action. 

Do city leaders even consider they are upsetting Pagans?

Many of us revere animals, especially cats and dogs.

What in Hades are they doing? 

Holding felines and canines for ransom and killing them when citizens can't pay their fees. 

They are threatening sacred animals with death if people can't afford their unfair taxes.

Imagine how much that frustrates a libertarian pagan!

Imagine how many candleholders blow up when I express my frustration.  That's how much anger this creates.  The candles literally explode with energy.

I may do another ritual for Nemesis.

That was fun.

The last time that happened some city employed liar crashed her jeep.  I had to reverse the spell out of fear she would die of a stroke. 

I'll call my friends so they can alert their covens. 

I've heard enough. 

I'm going to start sitting in on the hearings.  I'll be the redheaded lady who looks somewhat familiar.....the one you recognize....but don't know.....

The one that smells of incense.

The one chanting under her breath.

The one who feels a bit familiar.

The one you don't dare speak to.

I'll be clutching a talisman.......

with a spell to bring down the ringleader and anyone who lies in order to score the death of an animal.

Do the right thing by these families,

by the citizens of this city

-or- you'll regret what comes next.

*******************************************

Ask yourself....

am I messing with you

or am I telling the truth?

Am I a religious zealot?  Or am I just angry that my tax dollars are being used to abuse my neighbors?

What on earth can an unemployed redheaded hypnotist do to take away this abusive stream of revenue? 

I can't be the only one tired of seeing this animal abuse play out in the news. 

Honestly, how much trust are city leaders building within the community by letting employees act this way?

It's doing more harm than good. 

Enjoy the fallout boys.

I wrote this on a Friday night.  It's the perfect time to light a candle for Liber.

Love ya,

S. 

Edit four days later:  I spent the morning in court observing the proceedings.  There were eleven cases heard.

The dogs referenced in this post got to go home.  The owner will have to go back to prove they were licensed in the city. 

Two dogs were surrendered.  The shelter promised one of these owners that her dog would not be killed but the judge did not comment.  This woman, in tears, pleaded with the judge to let her rehome the pit bull to another city. 

The judge tugged on his left ear and ignored her.  His body language indicates that he felt for this woman and wanted to distance himself from the emotion she invoked in him. 

She pleaded again.  He ignored her.

The judge has compassion.  Why did he not address her question?

I overheard the City Attorney promise her that the dog wouldn't be killed.  It was not read into the record.  She just said that to the defendant.  I couldn't get the attorney's name.  In fact, most of the city attorneys wore badges that were hidden beneath their blazers nor did they introduce themselves to the court.  I mentioned this to the city manager's office today.  The reason I mention this is that there is really no point in having security badges if we can't see the people work for the City of Aurora.  In this day and age of bomb scares and what not- you really want to see people's badges.


The lady that runs the shelter spent the court session playing on her cell phone.  Cell phones are banned in the courts.  She didn't know that.  This is disrespectful to the people in the gallery who are having to follow the rules.  I mentioned this to the city manager's secretary.   I know they don't care.  She's giving the impression that these proceedings are not important.  Sometimes it's good to know how citizens perceive things. 

Most of the people in the gallery are upset and scared.  They were resigned to whatever the city attorneys told them to do. 

The lowest fine was $700.  The average fine for a completed case was $2,050. 

Most of the cases seemed to be in the fourth ward.  The addresses for each of the cases were not made clear.  I wanted to get a sense if people were being targeted for living in a certain area.  I couldn't readily determine that.

I visited the shelter.  There was no blood on the walls unlike the last time I visited (a few years ago). It looks like they now contract with third parties to adopt pets out prior to killing them. 

-but-

I counted 38 kennels.  Several of them were outside of my line of sight.  We were not permitted to go beyond the first eight kennels to the left (the dogs for adoption). 

The shelter appeared full (I couldn't see beyond the first 18).  Only 8 dogs were up for adoption.  The other 30 or so were there due to court cases!

The shelter is full.  I have to say I've never seen that before!

I have concerns.  I'll mull them over and start talking to advocates.  It may need to be an educational campaign rather than a political one. 

Yes, I AM angry about a lot of things.  I'm skeptical because I've had experiences with the City Attorneys lying about me to get a fine out of my ex. They never met me prior to lying about me.  Part of me wanted to see if they used the same catch phrases during all of their trials. That's what I tend to notice in all of the city attorneys.  They say the same things about everyone they prosecute. 

There were no trials today.  I couldn't gauge. it.


That said,  I don't doubt for a moment the dog catchers are expected to lie so the attorneys can win their case.  I fear that the dog catchers may be fined if they don't lie.  As I sat in the gallery today, I heard murmurs about lies being told about the owners and the dogs.  I believe it.  I just want to know what the benefit to the lies are.  Are employees avoiding fines?  Are they getting bonuses if they win cases?  Most people are honest.  Why would they lie? 

Although it looks like some positive changes have been made at the animal shelter, there is a problem somewhere.  It is at capacity and most of those kennels are filled with dogs brought in due to court cases.  Because this city will take dogs without knowing what breed they are and forcing the owners to submit to animal DNA testing, my take is that the problem is a lack of training on the part of the animal control officers (inability to identify breeds) and the breed ban itself because it is creating the need for testing.

The strangest thing I saw today was the demand that defendants had to pay $25 if they chose to have a trial by jury. I've never heard of defendants having to pay a fee to preserve their right to a jury trail.  That's the first thing I've got to research.  I don't think that's Constitutional. If it is not Constitutional, no home rule city can bend the rules to collect that money.  I'll report back what I learn***. 

I'm not sure how I'll proceed.  I know I will continue to light the candles and pray.

This is crazy.  Our population explosion doesn't quite explain how full the shelter is. There has to be something else going on. 

Love ya,

S. 

***It looks like many courts demand a deposit from defendants for the anticipated jury fees paid the first day of a trial.  I may want to dig into case law to find out why.  It would seem that this could explain how impoverished people have a higher chance of incarceration (crap....they woke up the social scientist in me....).  Maybe this is another fight for another day. 

Homecoming

Today I am thankful for home. 

I visit my hometown twice a month. 

Whenever I am there, I usually wind up talking to homeless people.  They basically live in the courtyard of my first hypnosis practice.

When I was a teenager, my former office was a pharmacy.  My first boyfriend and I would hang out in the area.  We'd buy each other soda and coffee.  He bought me stuffed animals and cards at the pharmacy.

When I had the chance to get an office there, I jumped all over it.  My office used to be the place the pharmacist filled prescriptions.  I still had the sliding window that had been there all those years!

My intention was to keep that office and rent an apartment across the street.  I did not intend to get the house in the divorce. 

When my in-laws started stalking me at the office and hassling the other tenants, I gave up my dream office.

It was lovely.  We had leather furniture and jazz motifs. 

It was perfect.

There was a rabble rousing lawyer across the street.  He'd pick on the TSA in the press. 

There was a Pagan shop one block away. 

There is an acoustic guitar shop around the corner.  There is a gun shop. Live music plays on the weekends. 

It's home. 

My cousin and his wife owned the dress shop next door.  I'd watch my uncle faint when he would catch a glimpse of me through the window.

I look exactly like his long-lost sister.  She died when I was a child.

Once in a while, I'd hear him say......Carol.

That was her name.  I grew up to look just like her. 

He'd say my name as I'd rush outside to steady his walk.

I miss those days.

Those were days before the homeless crisis....before the little church across the street took in the people who were priced out of their apartments.

I have a lot of respect for that congregation.  They took in the homeless BEFORE they got approval from the City Council.

I'm proud of the people in my hometown.  They're so down to earth.  We are to do the right thing and bow to the higher authority before bowing to the government. I'm pretty sure that's where I learned to challenge authority! 

Don't get me started on the Bible and Romans.  That chapter basically states that we are to cow down to the government because God put them in power.  Yeah....right.....I'm pretty sure ancient government officials wrote that chapter and inserted it into the Bible to justify their control.

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My cousin died three years ago.  He ran for city council the same year I ran for mayor.

He was a statist.  A statist is someone who thinks that people should bow to the government.

His heart was in the right place -but- you can't fight for freedom by taking away the rights of private property holders. His cronies wanted my landlord to gut our offices and put in a restaurant.  We would have to find other digs during the construction process. When she balked because she'd lose revenue, they had code enforcement ticket her for having a rip in a curtain. 

That pissed me off. 

I love freedom.  I think the government is too bossy and impinges upon freedom by over-regulation and threatening small businesses who don't follow their dictates (e.g. gut your offices and put in a restaurant or else we'll fine ya.....geesh!)

We didn't agree.

He was 35 when he died.  He died of skin cancer. 

It's not fair. 

He was adopted.  We would joke that he was the best looking member of our family because he was adopted. 

His four children are gorgeous! Yes, he adopted two of them.  They're family. 

They were too young to lose their father. 

*************************

I received a call today from an aunt. 

Rumor had it that I'd been fired. 

I wasn't fired.  My company couldn't afford to do business in Denver and sold the outfit to a company in another state.  They moved my job to an area near Wyoming and cut the pay drastically. 

I'm still working, just not as much as I like to work. 

I was offered a job today.  I don't want it.  It's door to door sales for a construction company.  They're sure I'll do well.  I balked when I was told they wanted to hire me because of my appearance. 

Um.....maybe they didn't see me close up.  I don't always look like this.  In fact, today I'm not wearing foundation. 

I'm wearing spackle. 

It fills in the wrinkles. 

I have days where my make-up smears and I'm bloated. 

I don't like how I look.  I certainly don't want to get a job based on my appearance.

Ugh..... I know younger women who are prettier.  These younger women are experienced in selling construction services.  I'm going to send them to this company. 

My aunt and I spoke about other job opportunities I have.

I told her that I was offered a chance to interview for a job working with the homeless.  My pay would be dependent upon tax dollars and, as a libertarian, this offended my sensibilities. 

I've always had the ability to talk to the homeless.  I think it goes back to spending time with them when I was a fearless teenager.  Long story......I was too young to be on my own.  I lived in a scary part of Denver.  The homeless people looked out for me.  I let them use my shower and gave them food. 

Some of them would take the bus to visit me when I moved to the south side of town.  They would visit the fourth of each month, after receiving their social security money. 

The homeless and I had adventures, too.  Maybe someday I'll write about those. 

I told her what I found in my home town.  That I go to the square to talk to the homeless and that the City Council in this city is out of touch.  The City Council blame Denver and Aurora claiming that the homeless are refugees forced out of these two towns. 

That's not what I hear when I talk to these people.  When I talk to these folks, they've lived in Arvada a long time and were forced out due to rising rents. 

I wanted to know what Justin would do. 

It's his city.

My political adventures take place on the other side of town. 

She didn't know. 

Perhaps I could find inspiration if I meditated to a monument erected in Justin's honor. 

She asked me if I saw Justin's clock.

What clock?

The clock in the square by my old office.

There is a clock in the square where the homeless people hang out?

I'm there quite a bit.  I've never noticed a clock. 

Apparently it's been there about a year.

I think I'm too engrossed in the conversations to pay attention to my surroundings.

I'm going to have to go home to pay my respects. 

I just have to go at a time no one will guess -or- I could take an escort.

My stalkerish in-laws live a few blocks away from the area.

I always have to vary my routine, so I'm not discovered.

It's annoying. 

I don't think it's over quite yet.

*******************************
I just got an email from my ex-husband.

He's been fired from his fourth job in 18 months. 

That means....he'll have a lot more time on his hands. 

Sigh....

I have no clue what to say. 

I hope he's joking.  It may be an excuse.  He's not paying child support and I received a college tuition bill.  I asked for some of the past due child support so I could pay it. 

Maybe he just told me a story so I have to find an alternative to asking for his help.

I'll find a way to get the money.  It was a surprise bill.  It had to do with a financial aid mistake.  It's just a little bit more than the amount I'm supposed to receive per month for child support.

I'll never see any of that.  I should just let it go.

I should know better than to ask for his help.  I've known the man over 25 years.  He's not reliable.

It's up to me.

*******************************************

In the end, we are the only ones responsible for our lives.  We are the only ones we can hold accountable for making the world a better place.

May you be the change you want to see in the world.

If you're the praying type, pray for the homeless.  Colorado lawmakers are criminalizing homelessness.  In Denver, they can't sleep in public places (even in their cars).  The only place they are untouchable in Denver is private property.  Many of them are now squatting on private property so the cops don't beat and rob them. 

We needed the right to rest law.  People misunderstood it so it was voted down. 

I've got to get money to send to the bill's author so he can clarify what he's trying to do and run the bill next year.  This bill will keep homeless people from squatting on private property. 

This politician will make a great governor.  He's probably one of two Democrats I'll ever vote for. 

If you know me, that's saying a lot!

There has to be an answer that protects the rights of private property owners and allow the use of public property by people who paid taxes once upon a time. 

Love ya lots,

S. 

Today's Running Post

Today I am thankful that someone on my block works; even if it is only the cop and the code enforcement officer.

I do see the occasional hypnosis client.  I don't charge Medicare recipients or people with terminal illnesses trying to make the most of the precious time left.

I wouldn't call it a job right now because I don't make any money.

I do rent an office and see clients.  I rarely work more than 10 hours a week doing hypnosis.  I spend a lot of time in my home recording studio.  This is where I typically inadvertently record the neighbors arguing with each other over the parking spot in front of my home.

This morning, I went off to my office and came back four hours later.  Lo' and behold the cops were out here again harassing the renters.

They don't say anything to the flippin' gun owner who hassles people who park in front of my house!

It's starting to get annoying.

It's insane.

Each and everyday I see a cop or code enforcement officers.

It's neighborhood tit for tat

and it's driving me insane.

Doesn't anyone on this damn block hold a job?

They sure have a lot of time to mess with each other!!!

Wow.....

******************************

The nasty, gun toting neighbor is incredibly lucky that I'm libertarian leaning.

What this means to him is that I won't call code enforcement because his dog digs holes under the fence, the neighbor throws his trash and yard refuse over our shared fence, his fence is against city code (made with both aluminum and wood), he stores garbage in the front yard and his yard is 100% rock (against city code).

I won't call animal control when his bull dog gets loose.

I won't call my arch-enemy in the tax and license department to report his unregistered business nor will I report his wife's daycare.

He's very lucky.

I even warned him that he can get fined for these things knowing that the neighbors will eventually call to report him.  I guess right now, everyone is focused on harassing the renters.  Once they move away, people will find another home to pick on.

It will probably be the gun toting lunatic's house.  Karma eventually comes home to roost. 

On the same note, every time he calls the cops with his bogus complaints, he wastes taxpayer dollars.

That's another way to piss off a libertarian neighbor.

When I get ticketed for having a guest park in front of my house and the cop doesn't measure 5' from the driveway, I get irritated.

I'm already planning my fight against the upcoming tax hike.  Yeah, the city claims to be 4.4 million in the hole.  What do you want a bet they'd like to circumvent TABOR?

This neighbor doesn't want to frustrate me. 

I can be.....quite....funny....and irritating at the same time.

******************************

I'll add to this post if something more interesting happens.

The cops were out here again.

I'm getting very angry.

Sigh.....

I'll do a native American sage burning to clear the air.

What do you want a bet that the asshole gun owner is going to call the fuzz on me for having pot?

I'm allergic to pot, so I'm never near it.

The last time a neighbor bothered me, it turned out to be due to a threat my stalker Shannon made to them.  I used to play Squirrel Nut Zippers to keep them away from my house.  That was 20 years ago. 

When the cops finally drilled down what happened, that Shannon told this guy I had him under surveillance, the neighbor told the cops that it made sense because I was a nice person....who just had horrible taste in music. 

Isn't that cute?

This guy is not as smart as the neighbor from long ago.

Let's see what this new guy does!

Someone recently told me that guys like that need to learn that when you point a finger at someone else, you've got three pointing back at you. 

I can see bad things happening to this guy because he's an asshole. 

It's sad when you see an impending train wreck yet cannot do anything about it. 

YIKES!

Love ya,


S.

Home Rule Cities and God's Dominion

Today I am thankful for being spiritual.

I'm researching breed ban legislation.

I've met someone else from Arvada whose hobby is saving pit bulls.  He says that Aurora is hiding behind home rule status as an excuse to kill service dogs. 

I can actually see this.  The former city attorney played that game with my family some years ago.

They were wrong.

We sued.

They were quick to settle. 

I want to know when it became acceptable for cities to claim an exemption from Federal and State law due to home rule status?

There is no truth to that.  It's just an argument cities use to enforce unethical laws. Seriously.....cities cannot use home rule status to deprive citizens of rights guaranteed by Federal or State law.

If Aurora and Denver would prefer, we could play around and put a constitutional amendment on the ballot clarifying that they have no right to mess with the rights the State and Federal government confers to them. 

Geesh! Why can't people just behave?

How can we get rid of home rule?  If they want to keep it, they best not abuse it any longer. 

Next thing ya know, they'll claim dominion over the affairs of the Gods.  Okay, that may be a stretch.

Aurora will not be able to get away with that game forever.  This is not going to last. 

Sigh....

I'd best get to work. 

I pray they change their behavior before I play my hand.

Love ya,


S.