Under Surveillance

Today I am thankful for dreams:

The one I had this morning alerted me to the fact that I am under surveillance.

My therapist has asked me to keep a dream journal.  I said I would.  I bought a little leather journal but never write in it.  I tell myself that I'll remember every detail.  I know I probably won't.


I tend to have two recurring dreams.


In the first version, I'm usually cleaning something and a man is standing behind me trying to tell me that I need to do things for him.  The men are usually Michael or Steve.  I'm usually recounting the bullshit they've pulled in the past. 

In these dreams, I'll be cleaning something and find a piece of paper with blurred writing.  In one, I'm cleaning a refrigerator and this paper is stuck under a magnet.  In another, I am sweeping and it is on the floor.  I can never get close enough to read it.

I am thinking that the papers are probably representative of break-up notes and/or a divorce decree (or an official break-up note).


In the second dreams, I am talking to some mythical sentient being about my life and they are performing therapy and telling me what to look out for.  I once had dreamt of the Goddess Artemis telling me to keep my children safe from my ex-husband.  I once dreamt of a Watcher (fallen angel from Genesis) tell me to avoid dating men with red flags. 

In these dreams, they will have me recount things I've seen and heard through the day.  Then they will repeat it back to me.....kinda like a therapist would do.

In my dream last night, I am in my walk-in closet looking for a dress to wear for a dinner date with an old friend from high school.  This friend and I go back quite a way.  We never dated.  We never had a sexual interest in each other.  I've been to all of his weddings.  He was my ex's best friend in high school.  In this dream, I am going out to dinner to meet his fiancé.

I am in my closet, going through my clothes.  Do I want to wear my pink flower dresses?  Or my red suit?  How 'bout Cougar?  Should I go with basic boring black?

There is a camera in the light above me.  I'd best choose black and grab a pair of ugly undies, too.  That way it is obvious that it is not a fling.

Then I go downstairs.  My phone rings.  It is a client.  Do I dare answer?  I choose not to answer out of fear of a potential HIPPA violation.  I can't answer my phone and betray my clients if it is possible someone else is listening in.

I dreamt that I was recounting these experiences to a demon and wondering why humans were so much more frightening than Satan's henchmen.   The demon's reply.....well.....was that true power and control lies in knowing one has what he truly needs.  Only insecure entities need to scare others and threaten to harm them.

A demon doesn't threaten.  A demon doesn't attack.  A demon just provides the opportunity to allow people to exercise their free will.  Some people just can't help ruining their own reputations.

The trick is to live in such a way that others tricks and tactics won't harm you.

I was also warned to de-activate the cameras, too.  Demons only come when invited.  They'll leave when told to go away. 

Stalkers with cameras, won't go away.  The come whether or not they are invited.  It is up to me to cut their power. 

I woke up.

What a weird dream!!! 

******

Just a quick note -

Um......

Beware of ex-husbands gifting brand new survellience systems.

Um.....

When he set the system up for me, he unplugged the VOIP phone and inserted the camera.

He sat in front of me and played a recording of the conversations we had in the living room and footage of the view from the living room window.

Then we went to Washington. He was very kind. I didn't have to take him to the airport. He drove the van to the bus station. I just took the bus to the station and picked it up for him. He even gave me bus fare.

That was nice.

He called me last night to ask if I picked up the van.

I did.

Then he mentioned that he was watching the current footage from the camera....from his hotel room....in Seattle!

Um......

Um.....

I cut the power to the outlet. This is a little bit creepy.

******

Yes, on another note, I have been frustrated with the behavior of the local rights commission coming down on bakers. I became livid when they went after a baker who did not NOT want to write homophobic slurs on a bible shaped cake.

I have an idea.

This is one of those ideas I have to keep under the vest until it comes to fruition.

Wish me luck.

It doesn't matter what side of the coin you are on: harassing bakers is going to kill public support for the gay rights movement. I don't get the whole cake thing: I know bakers who step up to offer free cakes to gay couples in this situation.

I don't understand the furor, unless these couples are after a free cake.
I do understand the furor over forcing people to take on anti-gay art projects. If a government can force an artist to take one job, it can force an artist to take another.

It needs to stop.

I'll let you know if this works.

And P.S.  "Suck my balls" is not a valid argument for forcing artists to bake cakes.  Neither is "you're a bigot" and "let them eat cake!"  Part of me wonders if the religious right doesn't pay people to act like gay activists on forums to posit such stupid arguments.  I doubt it: That's probably just my learned paranoia talking. 

I'm in therapy for that. 

Ol' Siegfred has an idea to stop the madness.  I guess it doesn't matter who is being tyrannical.  It has to stop. 

Wish me luck!

Love ya,

S.


P.S.  Oh....for some reason when I hear politicians complain that gay people deserve cake, I think of Portal  It's not about the cake.  It's about marriage equality.  Why were these same politicians so slow to grant that?

No one answers that question.

It's not about cake....focus on what you truly want.     



Shannon's Car & The Bug Detector

Today I am thankful for the identification of the white Accord in my neighborhood.

So.....


Michael is in town this weekend.


Michael took me to see Shannon's car. 


It is sitting outside of Doug's Condo just a few blocks away.  Doug's condo has a garage. I assume that is where the truck is kept.

It is also the Accord that shows up on our surveillance footage in front of our house.


So....


I remember an April day in 2012, when I broke the first carpet cleaning machine I owned.  I was looking out the window and saw an 80's model white Honda Accord with two very obese people in it. I remember feeling sorry for them and wondering how they fit.

One was wearing a black coat.  The other a royal blue coat.  They both wore hats.  I remember thinking that it was odd that they were wearing so many clothes on such a warm day. 

There were there for quite some time.


It never dawned on me that it could possibly be Shannon and Doug. 



I am beginning to suspect that my in-laws were watching me all along. 


I'm not sure how to take this.

When I knew Shannon, she had an RX7.  I didn't know she was the owner of the Honda Accord. 


I guess that explains why I haven't seen the Accord outside in the past few months.  I thought it belonged to a neighbor. 

Shannon is dead, so I don't have to worry about her anymore. 


Mike still hangs around on the weekends. 

I caught Doug hanging out here nearly two weeks ago.


This is weird. 

I wish I knew why they were here. 


I think I need some distance from this place and this family in order to figure this out. 


*****
I bought a bug detector.


It goes nuts around my Aphrodite Altar and when pointed towards the light in the middle of my walk-in closet.

There are no electrical outlets near my altar.


My closet?  Nothing happens in there.  My ex picked this house out because I used to daydream of having a huge walk in closet that I could convert into a sexual rumpus room. 


That never really materialized.


My closet is just a destination for the boxes that I packed for my ex.  No one is going to see anything interesting happening in my walk-in closet. 


I'm wondering if the bug detector is picking up the neighbor's wifi? 


I don't think they're listening to our conversations.  Again, I wonder how they're getting the information needed to show up at the worst possible times.

I can't figure that out. 


******


The only question that I truly have is.....why? 

Michael told me a story about his mother.  He claims that she sat him down in 1997 and told him that she hated me but didn't want to run me off because it would ruin her relationship with him. 

I asked if she gave him a reason for wanting me gone.  He said no.  


I asked him if that was before or after he lied and said that I would not let him go to school.  That pissed me off.  I was hunting for scholarships for him and he told his mother I wouldn't let him go to school.  This was when the stalking got fairly bad.  This was when Shannon started harassing me at home and on campus .


It was after Michael told his mother that lie.  He said he lied to her because she was badgering him about going to school and he wasn't sure he'd be accepted.  Rather than explain things to her, he just lied.

I can see his mother's point.  I wouldn't like my child married to a controlling person either.

She should have told me what he said.  He should have told me why they were harassing me into quitting school.  He didn't tell me about his lie until 2012!!! 

Most of all, he needed to tell his mother the truth. 


After this conversation, I asked him to get his butt into therapy or move his things out of the house. 

He left. I'm sure he'll be back at 4:00 a.m. as he'll need a ride to the airport.


I think he'll be back on Easter. 



Sigh....


*****


I wish I were psychic. 

If there were such a thing...and I had it...I would know the truth about what was going on. 

A huge dose of truth is what I need right now. 


I hate to think that other people endure bullshit from people they love.


If you're going through something like this....please stay safe.

It is a crazy world out there. 

If there is one thing I've learned throughout this ordeal, it is that crazy people depend on our kindness and our patience to pull their crap. 

I need to be less nice.


Be nice to yourself first.


Love ya,

S.


Edit:  Apparently Michael took off to buy me a new security system. 

Should I be wary of ex-husbands bearing gifts? 

Well...this time I choose to be thankful. 

Dang Nambbit (w/ stalking resource).

Well.....hmmmm.......

I don't know.....

I am thankful for my Libertarian buddy in Vancouver.

So......


I graduated from college in Washington State.  I do a lot with the alumni association.  It is like a big family.  When I ran for mayor, I learned that the head of the small business association sent his kids to the same college I attended. 

He was very nice to me because of it.


It was like being with family.


My friend and his wife own a Mail Box businesses.  They are going to rent one to Michael, so he can contact his mother.  They'll do that....if Michael follows through.


Let me explain why this may save my arse.....


*******

Nine days ago, at 11:40 a.m., Douglas V3ga sat outside my house and blocked my driveway when I left to see a client.  He was in a white Dodge Ram pick-up that, I understand, is not registered to him. 


I followed it to an address down the street.  When I looked up the address on the voter rolls, Mr. Vega was listed as the resident.  He registered to vote on October 15, 2014 and took part in the election. 

I've been replaying that incident in my head quite a bit.  So much stands out for me.  He didn't make any of the right turns until I caught up with him (even when the road was clear).  It was like....he wanted me to know it was HIM and that he lived down the street!


Weird....


*******

So, all of these years I've been confused as to who is behind the stalking. 


I have always seen Shannon and her retinue of bullies do it.  I've seen them watch me.  They've followed me.  My friends, family and colleagues describe them when they've been harassed. 


So....for all intents and purposes....Shannon is the stalker. She's the one I witness breaking the law.

Shannon died on February fourth due to complications of cervical cancer.  She was 42.  I have a copy of the death certificate.  Douglas Veg@ is listed as Shannon's fiancé.


It should be over. 

Her death should have been the end of it. 



The cops have always maintained that my ex-husband, Michael, is the stalker.  They believe that he is the one who put the GPS device on my mini-van.  They believe that he is the one who hacked my phone.  They believe that he asked Shannon and her band of bullies to keep tabs on me. 

Yes, he is controlling.  Yes, he does things that totally betray his need to keep me under his thumb.  He took my car during the marriage on days I had to work.  Even after the divorce, he took my car.  I just let him keep it.  He spent my money AFTER the divorce.  He refused to move.  He used to take the kids to shop at the shopping center near Steve's house on the days I saw Steve (creepy....I know...but I wasn't aware of it at the time, so it didn't bug me).  Steve lived in the boonies about an hour away from my house near a school where an infamous shooting occurred in the spring of 1999.



Yes, I have caught Michael sitting outside of venues I frequent.  His former boss (the one he had the emotional affair with) claimed that she fired him for stalking me.  Even a friend of the sitting mayor, took me out for coffee to point out the dark haired man watching me.  The problem was that the guy sat in a high back chair.  He wasn't facing me at all.  All I could see was the top of his balding head. 


I don't have a clue who that was.  I can make assumptions.  Truth be told, I do not know.


I don't know what to think.  Michael doesn't harass anyone.  Shannon did that.


I have a hard time thinking of him as a stalker.

I wonder, though, if they worked in tandem. 


************


I called the police.  They told me NOT to contact Doug or anyone connected to him.  They started a new file.  They took down all the information I wrote down about Doug and the truck (including the license plate).  They took down his address.  They alluded to scheduling a talk with him. 

I called Michael and told him what happened.  He claimed that he would call the police.  He told me that the police told him NOT to have contact with Doug or any member of the family he thought was behind the stalking. 


The cops believe that contacting people about the stalking will make it worse. 


Michael claims that his mother is behind the stalking.  He says that she b!tches during holiday dinners so much that other people take pity on her and do her bidding.  Her bidding?  Well...they collect information for her in the form of pictures and gossip that she can use to further her agenda....whatever that is.

Doug was here on March 11th, one day after my former mother-in-law's birthday.



Yes, in the past I have had someone go through my garbage.  Yes, Shannon has called here claiming to have obtained pictures of my kids (so she knows what they look like).  At the time, I did a lot of art on Photoshop.  I was illustrating children's books and using my kids as models.


I'd take their pictures in costume....Photoshop the picture and throw the originals away. 

I stopped doing that after the phone calls started. I began keeping the originals. 


I asked Michael to deal with his family. 


He claimed he would go over to talk to them. 


Their behavior seemed to escalate. 

His mother and sister would call to threaten me.  They'd tell me where I was and what I was doing.  I stopped answering the phone and let the answering machine pick up.


I saved the tapes. 

They are in a box labeled "Toxic" hidden within a crack between my cupboards and a wall. 

********


Yesterday, Michael was in town. 


He works out of Portland. 


I asked him to call my alumist buddy in Vancouver, Washington to get a PO Box.  My friend is willing to forward Michael's mail anywhere in the world for a fee.  He'll even open it and scan it, so he can get his mail right away rather than let it pile up.

This would give him the ability to get his mail.  It may stop the little issue of being harassed by people connected to Michael's family. 




Well.....


Michael.....


hmmmmm......


he ignored the advice of the police. 


It would seem that he sent hateful messages to his mother, his brother and his cousin.  He described what Doug had done.  He described the surveillance tapes.  He told them to write a letter, send it to MY ADDRESS, and tell me what the he!! they want from my house.


Oh no....I want this over.

He just baited them!




*********


When someone harasses you consistently and you contact them.....it teaches them to continue.


If they are harassing me to get Michael to contact them, and Michael contacts them after the 50th incident, they learn that if they rough Siegfried up 50 times, Michael will do what they want and contact them. 


This is why you are supposed to ignore stalkers.


There is something else. 


I do not know if I buy Michael's story. 


He cannot tell me when he wrote his family about the incident.  I know we had a deal.  He wouldn't do that without warning me first and contacting legal counsel. 


He was supposed to have an expert guide him as to what to put in the messages to make it easier for me to get a restraining order should they continue.  I'll paste a link to the bottom of this post that will give examples of what one can say to further this end. 

He didn't do the right thing.  He invited my stalkers to have contact at my home!!!


Doug...well...Doug won't be hanging around too much longer.  His fiancé died.  He's going to want to move on.  Asking him to send a letter is a heck of a lot different than asking his extended family to bombard me with requests.


I have lived this hell for twenty-three years.  They will bombard me with requests. 


I am pretty darn angry.


I wonder.....why would Michael sabotage my case like that?


So.....


When he left I told him that I need to sell the house.  I can't take it anymore. 


He's upset with me.


Sometimes, though, the only way to stop stalkers is to move far away. 


This is where I am. 


Michael gets to move.


I am expected to stay here.


I am expected to put up with his psycho family. 


I can't do it. 


It is high time to think about what needs to happen to stay safe.


Love ya,

S. 

P.S.  This is a link to an excellent stalking resource.  It even has samples of No Contact Statements that one can use to document that the other party is to leave you alone.  The wording has to be exact.  The statement has to be saved.  It comes in handy when it is time for a restraining order.

https://www.victimsofcrime.org/docs/src/stalking-a-handbook-for-victims.pdf?sfvrsn=2

Frenemies

What happened to the band's official channel?  Wow...this one has links to buy the song on Amazon, so I'll post it. 


You think you're happy
Think you're free
But maybe we're just
Comfortably deceived.
- my favorite misheard lyric.  






Today I am thankful for political frenemies. 

I hung out with Democrat lawmakers today.  It is a different world.  They believe laws will solve all the world's problems.  They just make laws: they don't care if they are Constitutional or not.  Constitutionality is the job of the courts.  They just make laws: they don't care whether or not law enforcement actually enforces them. At least they're trying to do something.

This is in sharp contrast to Republican lawmakers.  They will test Constitutionality.  They will poll law enforcement.  It takes them awhile to pass a law. At least they're trying to see the unintended consequences of legislation. 

My issue?  Well.....I'm going to need people on both sides to see the problem. 

It is a problem with the first amendment. 

It IS a problem of association. 

It is NOT a problem of discrimination.  I don't give a crap what anyone screams at me anymore. 

My daddy did not fight in World War II and Korea so I had to make ineffective recordings to convert gay people. He did not fight in those wars to force artists to take jobs celebrating unions.  Heck, our veterans did not fight to force anyone to take any job.....period.

This isn't the USSR!

I used to argue with my dad.  He'd say that homosexuals are perverts.  I'd disagree and point to the elevated status homosexuals had within many Native American tribes.  They were androgynous.  Many tribes celebrated the fact that they could understand everyone. 

Now....after seeing the death, murder and rape threats over wedding cake and bathroom access.  I am beginning to believe that my dad was right. 

Only a pervert would threaten to rape a woman pointing out why she is afraid of a man in the ladies' room.  We typically tell little girls in danger to run to a woman's bathroom and wait for help.  Men won't follow her there.

That's not true anymore. 

It's a sad, sad world. 

*****

I am a little bit peeved about artists being sued for failing to create works for gay people.

I am seething about artists being sued for refusing to create works that are hateful towards gays.

I brought it up to my representative.  When he first graduated college, we used to debate tax hikes in public forums. I've gained some weight since then.  He barely recognized me.

He promised he'd take care of the issue.

There is a bill in committee to protect bakers.

There is also a bill that passed committee to protect therapists who refuse to conduct gay conversion therapies. I am a psychotherapist.  Should this bill pass, I cannot be sued for refusing to create a hypnotic recording to "cure" homosexuality.

How does one cure something that isn't a disease?

Nonetheless, I'm sickened by the whole ordeal. 

If one group can get pushy with artists, it makes it easier for others to push them around, too. 

We'll see if the politicians follow through.  

I'd hate to think that we need to put together a ballot initiative to protect artists and small business owners.  I think we have to start by explaining to people that laws to protect small business owners are NOT akin to the old Jim Crow laws of the  past. 

I was raised by my grandparents.  They remember those laws. 

Jim Crow laws forbade whites from associating with blacks.  They forbade seamstresses from sewing dresses for little black girls to wear to church.  The forbade white people from giving black people seats at the front of the bus.  They punished white people for feeding black people.

That didn't stop my grandmother and her mother from making dresses for the children who went to church.  My maternal great-grandma was a Pentecostal minister.  Pentecostal people see no color nor no gender.  We are all God's children.   She was also said to be the niece of the 18th President of the United States.  Imagine....I have genes that could scheme to win a war with bigots...even if I were inebriated at the time! 

I think I inherited her obnoxiousness. I also found her picture on Ancestry.com.  We have the same smile and fashion sense.  I swear, I have a suit that looks just like the one she wore at the turn of the century.



The conscious clause laws give everyone the freedom of association.  I'm thinking, at the very least, we need to allow them to apply to businesses with less than 50 employees (like we do other discrimination laws).  I'm sorry....but I do not want to be forced to create gay hate art. I am a one woman show.  I don't have time, energy, or inclination to do anti-gay videos. 

Conscientious objector laws and Jim Crow laws are very different things. 

Private businesses are NOT public businesses.  My art is not something that is mass produced.  It is not something that people can walk in off of the street and simply buy. 

This is why I reserve the right to refuse projects. 

I refuse projects that shame other people.  I will refuse anything shaming gay people. 

If I get sued, there will be hell to pay! 

I'm a redhead. 


Bakers can refuse specialized wedding cakes for any wedding.  I don't care what the PC police say - it is art.  Unless the couple is buying mass produced Twinkies, they do not have the right to barge in a small business and demand satisfaction.  Eventually lawmakers and judges are going to wake up and see what is going on.  I am pretty darn sure the voters do.   

It is tyranny to force an artist to take a job that he or she isn't passionate about. 

I'm going to say the same is true for photographs and videographers.  You want to hire someone who gets you....who gets your story.....who can frame the story of your love....

An ethical photographer will only take jobs where they can frame the story in a positive fashion.

For the law to demand otherwise is wrong. 

If that makes me a bigot, so be it.  It would appear that the definition of bigot has changed to mean assertive.  My daddy fought for your right to harass me if I do not conform.  Okay.....


If you threaten to rape me in person, I'll kick your arse.  I had a lesson in flashlight fighting the other day.  Bring it....

Oh, and the liberals have made it easier for people like me to have idiots like the gay guy who threatened to rape me tracked and arrested.  So.....this will be interesting. 


So.....let's see where this goes. 

I'll be pitching an idea for a ballot initiative if this isn't resolved in 60 days. 

I know a ballot initiative forbidding government tyranny will pass.  You cannot force an artist to work for you. 

You can't. 

It's wrong. 

Love ya,

S.

Edit:  Oh, I have to say that my Senator, my former Senator, and my house Rep knows about the stalking.  In fact, the other two reps for the areas nearby know, too.  The Senate minority leader knows, too. 


Either they've been with me during stalking events -or- they tried to talk me out of getting a gun.  Their fears are well founded.  Shannon looks like my daughter.  One of the senators was involved in a manslaughter case (accidental traffic accident) and it really hurt her.  She wanted to spare me the same fate.


One just introduced a cyber-bullying bill despite my warnings.  The cops won't take complaints.  The DAs won't prosecute.  I know....she's trying to be helpful.  The Senator who tried to help my daughter explained that it may or may not help - but it is a tool that the cops can use to stop stalkers that didn't exist before.  It's not his fault the cops refuse to take reports. 


I should say this....just because it is sweet. 

They still make sure one of them walks me to my car.  My Congressman watched me unlock my beat up car!  It didn't dawn on me why he was insistent that he see me off until I started driving away. 


He is a gentleman.  


I may hate their politics from time to time -but- it never hurts to feel grateful for the human sides of politicians. 


I'll try to remember the kindness they've shown me the next time I'm debating them. 

Love ya,

S. 



Funny Stalking Advice

Today I am thankful for therapists with a sense of humor.

So....I went to see my shrink today.


She knows all about the crazy crap I used to put up with from my now deceased sister-in-law. 

She knows about the crazy stuff I endured from my sister-in-law's fiancé, who often accompanied her on her crazy journeys. 

She knows that Shannon is dead.


The fiancé's name is Doug.


That Doug formerly lived an hour away but moved within blocks of my house in October of last year.  Yeah.....county records can help people uncover amazing information. 

Doug refers to me as Satan. 

He has, quite literally, walked up to me, grabbed my shoulder and said "Hi, Satan!"


I laughed.

I shouldn't have laughed. 

I think laughing made him do weirder stuff. 


It was funny....at the time. 


Yesterday he was messing with me at the house.  He had blocked my driveway and didn't move the massive truck he was driving until I started to back out onto the grass. 

At first, I wasn't sure it was him.  I followed him to an address that turned out to be registered to him. 


Now I want to know what he wants.


I have been given instructions. 

The next time I run into him, I am supposed to light a match (so it smells like sulfur),


take a deep breath in,

and in my loudest voice query

Why did you summon the all mighty Satan???!!!

Bow down to me, you mere mortal!!! 

That would be funny.


I think I'll just buy another camera for the front yard. 


*****
My therapist had a theory.  That theory is that my mother-in-law is trying to use her contacts to get her son away from me.  She thinks they may be watching the house to see if Michael still lives here.

She based that theory on things I told her about being accused of hypnotizing her son to stay away from her and being told to go away so he'd move back in with his mother.

Michael will NOT speak to his mother.  His mother blames me.  She's trying to get me out of the picture.

She succeeded! 

Shouldn't that be enough??!!

Well......


hmmmm.......


I guess I need to get the word out about our divorce. 


How does one do that? 


I don't know.  I'd be crying if I weren't laughing so damn hard right now!

Who is the devil in this case?

Me


or my former in-laws?


Love ya,

S. 

Closure...Maybe? (w/ edit)

Today I am thankful that I followed a man in a white Dodge Ram E1500:

He turned out to be too darn familiar. 

It was a very weird day. 

I think I found a new office.  Renting this one will give me access to four high end buildings across the city.


I'm fairly excited that things are looking up.

Hooray!


For the first time in years, I made my calendar public so that my clients could choose their own appointments.


I blocked out the hours 10:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.


That was a mistake. 


One of my appointments cancelled and I found myself home at 11:40. 


That was when I ran into a man who looked like Doug V.

Doug is Shannon's fiancé.  He is the man who harassed me in Arvada.  He's the guy who approaches me on the street to call me Satan.  He is the guy who went into a colleagues office, shuffled her papers and demanded to know where I went to church.  He was the guy who watched Thomas and I dine on pizza. 

I'm not sure if he's the dark haired guy who watched Jim and I. 

Doug has been known to stalk with Shannon.  I figured that since Shannon was dead, it would be over. 


I guess not. 

I had another appointment at noon.  I pulled out of the garage and noticed a white, single cab, Dodge Ram pick-up blocking my driveway.  I stop.  I put on the parking brake, take the key out of the ignition and start to walk around the truck to talk to the driver. 

The windows were heavily tinted.  I started to get a rotten feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

I decided to simply drive on the grass and into the street as to avoid this individual.

I went back to my car, buckled myself in, reset the parking break and started to back up.

The truck took off. 

I followed. 

I pulled up alongside him when we were stuck at a red light.  He had rolled his window down 1/4 of the way which allowed me to see part of his face and his silhouette.  Oh, my...I knew who he was in an instant.


I followed it to a set of condos three rights from my home.  He basically lives up the street. 

After I finished with my appointment, I looked up the address on the voter rolls.  Voter rolls are listed in order of address, not name.  If you know an address, you can find the name of the last tenant.  I guess there are some perks to being a political activist.  We know how to get information. 

Suite 103, at the address the truck stopped, belongs to Douglas V*g* born in 1972. 

His middle name is Vladimir. 

His last name is the same as a singer.  I actually know a couple of male musicians with the name Vega.  None are as famous as Suzanne.....yet. 

So....I'm a little freaked out. 

I called the police. 

They are patrolling the neighborhood.

They want to see the surveillance footage from the camera in front of the house.


Sigh....

I didn't know if I should write about this.  We have had bizarre things done to the porch in the past couple of weeks.  I thought it was negligible.  I actually went to a shrink because I thought I was imagining things.

I guess not. 


I'm thinking about selling the house and moving now. 

I may not.  I'm thinking about taking a swipe at the City Council seat.  I could be Doug's representative!

Wouldn't that be funny?


I don't know. 

My choices are school board, city council or a state seat next year. 

Decisions.....decisions. 





I know Shannon read this stupid thing.  I don't know that Doug did.  I'm going to write below as if he is as good a stalker as his former fiancée was.


Doug....if you are stalking this page....write a letter.  Don't show up again. 

My neighbors saw you. 

They will call the police if you show up again. 

I reported the license plate number to the authorities (611-*Q*).  They are searching the neighborhood for the truck.  My neighbor is a private investigator.  He's researching you.  So far he hasn't told me anything scary.  You're an unaffiliated voter.  That's so cool!  I have a little more respect for you after learning that tidbit. 

There is a pretty good chance that you borrowed the truck.  I'll contact Jewish Family Services to see if it was a company vehicle.  Yeah...my friend is a really good private investigator.  You drive for them?  Delivering lunches to poor children?  Wow....how did you caught up in such evil?  You seem to be a decent person. 


I am thinking of taking Shannon's death certificate to the police.  It lists you as her fiancé.  If they can link you to Shannon and the stalking, they have motive.  I have boxes of evidence against Shannon.  I never had the heart to get a restraining order. 

I don't have the motive.  I don't know what the heck is going on.  Michael thinks that you were here on behalf of his mother.  It was her birthday.  He thinks you wanted to try to get him to call her.

I don't know.  You may want photos of Shannon for a memorial.  I used to take photos and audio recordings of people giving their best wishes to others at parties.  I probably have things you want.

You may want to talk to Michael.  Michael doesn't live here.  I don't know where he lives. 

I don't know. 


Hanging around outside and blocking my driveway is only one way to get my attention.  It doesn't help me know what you need. 

I don't know what you want.
My best advice for you is to write a letter. 


I'll forward it to Michael the next time I hear from him.  I'll try to get him to send you some nice photos of your fiancé in her youth that I saved for our children.  I have the negatives.  I can replace the pictures.  I don't know where the audio recordings are.  I may have given them to her mother.


I'm sorry for your loss. 


I can't cope with the stalking.  I don't know why she and you felt compelled to do the crazy things you did.  Stop it. 


I understand that you were probably lied to.  I know that you were lied about. 

You don't know the hell Shannon's mother created for my family.  I had to cut ties when she threatened to lie to the cops about me.  I made the tough decision to stay away; that was the only way to protect myself from those lies. 

I was informed that YOU put Shannon up to stalking me.  I know that is not true.  You weren't around in 1992 when it began.  I know....you're innocent of anything prior to 2011. 

I know.....the stories that you are abusive to Shannon are lies.  The stories that you forced Shannon to pay for your college education are lies, too.  Do you know how I know?  They said the exact same things about me. 

Perhaps your God was looking out for you when he lured Shannon to more heavenly pastures.

That sounds like an evil thing to say -but- that family is crazy.  We can't fix crazy.  We can only hide from it.



I ask that you kindly stay away.  I offered to pay for a family therapist to re-integrate Shannon's mother into her grandchildren's lives.  That is her only route.  It's up to her to do that.  It is not up to you or me. Besides, the custody agreement unequivocally states that Michael's mother is to stay away from the grandchildren without Michael's consent.  I will be held in contempt of court if I allow her to see them without Michael signing an agreement.  If your aim is to get me to help Patricia see the girls, I can't help you.

This has been and always will be an issue between Michael and his family.  You and I are best kept far away from it.  The stalking drove me to divorce Michael.  Please don't make it drive me to getting you arrested.

Go your own way.  Move forward.  Find an honest girl who likes volunteering as much as you do. 

 

(Oh, the perils of dealing with the devil....this is the best song about dark magic pacts.)

Doug, stay the heck away from me....and my sorcery.  Master Satan would be incredibly offended that you called me by his name.  I think he's probably angrier at me than you.  I do piss off the sex demons because I'm celibate....and...I refused to sign that ten year contract.  I'm told that I could play better than Stanley Clarke if I signed that thing and sold my soul. 

It's tempting!



I never want to light another black candle again.  Every time I do that, people die. 


Maybe you're right.  Maybe I am Satan. 


Maybe I'm just effing with you. 


Okay....I'm just effing with you.



I still have my concealed carry.  To some liberals, that makes me worse than Satan!



Please....stay away. 

Love ya,

S. 

Edit:  Okay....okay.....I was informed that I cannot make a pact with the devil.  I was born with auburn hair, thus I have no soul to sell. 

I guess I'll never play as well as Clark, as Miller, as Wooten, as Flea, or Collins....


unless I practice 40 hours a week for four decades....

Hmmmmm....I'll be dead by then.


Maybe I'll be a bassist in my next life. 


Maybe......

The Misogynist Trans Advocates

Today I am thankful that I never had the displeasure of being threatened with rape by a man in a dress.

In fact, I was once spared an assault by a cross dresser.  He helped me fend off an attacker.  I miss Jim dearly.  Sigh.......


I have never once been ridiculed, insulted, or physically attacked by a gay man, a transsexual, or anyone who didn't identify with social constructs. 


What I am witnessing unfolding on Facebook and Twitter shocks the holy heck out of me. 


I think of my friends who died of AIDS in the mid-eighties and cringe. 

I think of the trailblazers who fought Amendment Two and feel incredibly sad.

I thought we had progress. 

Finally, duos of men and duos of women can walk the streets without fear of being beaten by cops. 


Finally, I can have a dinner date with my buddy who looks better than dresses than I do and not worry about what anyone will say or do.

Just when I think we've made progress, some misogynistic jerk has to run around shooting off his male privilege and threaten to rape women (and children, too).  He'll do it because he claims to be a "woman with a dick". 

Damn it!! 


There are a small number of idiots who are ruining all that activists have worked so hard to bring about....


There are men claiming to be women who want public access to lady's restrooms. 


There are men who are threatening to rape women who try to point out that women are assaulted in bathrooms.  These are MEN who claim that they are WOMEN with DICKS.

I have a newsflash for them: 

REAL WOMEN DO NOT THREATEN TO RAPE OTHER WOMEN.


Only misogynists do that. 

I am considering another run for office.  I haven't decided which office: I have until Mid-April to throw my hat in the ring.  When I run, I do get to talk to the eventual winner.  I will share what I have learned because few politicians have the time to actually research the issue.

After twenty hours of solid research. I have decided how I will vote if the issue comes before me.  I made my decision based on the hatred that I saw across Twitter and the nasty comments that I received via Facebook.  I will also stop donating to LGBT causes as of this day.

Sadly, today is the day that I have decided that I will never support legislation to allow biological males in female spaces. 


It seems to be due to a guy named Cristan Williams (transadvocate [dot]com).  His website is deplorable.  It's like he gets his kicks putting down women. 

I've also decided to share a link where a feminist has collected anti-woman hate male (Freudian Slip) from men who claim to be women.  It is disturbing:  http://bugbrennan.com/trans-people-say-the-darndest-things/

It didn't help that I saw this: https://gendertrender.wordpress.com/2011/09/06/who-are-the-males-who-sneak-into-michigan-womens-music-festival/

So no.....if you have a penis...you go to the men's room or pee on a tree.  If you allow your advocates to threaten to rape women, you have no business in ladies restrooms.  You give life to the idea that only perverted men want access. 


I wasn't decided until I saw the rape threats against feminists from Trans Advocates. 


If you threaten rape - you lose. 

If you don't speak out against your people who threaten violence - you lose.

If you want the general public to change their minds, talk to the few of you who act like misogynistic men. 


Change your PR - Change your Reality.

Until then you will continue to unravel years of hard work and destroy the very foundation of understanding many before you worked so hard to achieve. 

As of now, the few of you who threaten women make it look like you live in a sick narcissistic delusion where women don't count.

You are ruining it for everyone else.


You are giving life to the idea than transsexuals are perverts. 


Women count.  You're going to learn this the hard way. 


You are chasing off your allies. 


The way I understand feminism is that they want to do away with gender constructs.

Isn't that what Trans Advocates want?


I guess not. 


Damn.....I used to get mad at conservatives who called transsexuals perverts.  I won't laugh anymore. 

If you threaten to rape women - you're a sexual deviant and a pervert. 


This was a wake-up call. 


I am tempted to write an editorial and send a link to Planet Fitness. 

Planet Fitness may be afraid of the activists more than they are afraid of their bottom line. 

Women won't go where they will be afraid of rape. 


If you are a LGBT group, associate with abusers at your peril.  Their behavior mimics those of batterers who use their male privilege to abuse people they see as having less social power.
Wow.....just wow...


In sum, as long as trans advocates threaten to rape women, they are creating transphobia.  They are doing it all on their own.  They are self-sabotaging their own success. 

STOP THREATENING WOMEN!  START BEHAVING LIKE CIVILIZED HUMAN BEINGS NOW.


You are reaping what you sow. 



Love ya,

S.

Here is some light reading for people who have yet to decide the issue. 

http://transgenderreality.com/


https://factcheckme.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/rape-culture-simultaneously-exists-and-does-not-exist/


http://bugbrennan.com/trans-people-say-the-darndest-things/


http://transtrendwagon.tumblr.com/


http://thenewbacklash.blogspot.co.uk/


https://genderiswar.wordpress.com/2014/12/25/why-do-trans-people-do-that/





Silly Edit:  I did turn off comments due to the bizarre rape threats.  Don't want to give life to the hate.

Acceptance (with Edit)

Today I am thankful for acceptance but am starting to get a tad bit irritated by the tug of war between gay rights activists and conservatives.

I'm really beginning to become irritated by the whole gay rights -vs- anti-gay rights crowd.  I'm not against people having equal rights.  I don't want them losing jobs, homes, opportunity, health care and all of those things that the pursuit of happiness requires.  I don't want to put myself in harms way just so that a small group of people feel more accepted.

It would seem to me that both the groups of people are pushing for acceptance to the detriment of other people. On one hand, we have people who want to feel free to be themselves in public (even if some of the rules they want to apply put people at risk of rape).  On the other hand, we have people afraid of re-enacting the Biblical story of Sodom and Gomorrah (so they try to control the sexuality of other people). 

Enough Already!

*******


On Friday I had someone ask me to put together a Gay Conversion Hypnosis Recording to share across YouTube.


NO!

Absolutely NOT!

To me, that feels like shaming. 


Can you imagine what would happen if a young kid, researching his (or her) sexual identity, stumbles into something like that?

I would think it would make him or her feel ashamed.  It could create doubt as to whether or not the child is good enough because of who he or she naturally is.  It would create harm.   

Because most of my gay friends are male, I think of men.  I think of them as young boys being told they are less than other males because of who they are.

For the person making the request, I offered to do one on acceptance instead.  I wanted him to clarify if he wanted one on self-acceptance or acceptance of others. 

I never heard back.

*****


My friends have cautioned me to be more accepting of bigots. 

Geesh! 

Do I have to fear getting sued now?

People will threaten to sue you for NOT catering to gay people.  People will threaten to sue you for NOT catering to the anti-gay groups. 

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2015/01/22/us/ap-us-anti-gay-cake-discrimination.html?_r=0


What the hell is going on? 


Stop Suing People! 


*******


Planet Fitness is starting a big hullabaloo after they kicked a woman out of one of their gyms for complaining about a biological male in the woman's dressing room.

This individual (biologically a man) claimed to be a transgendered male who was afraid to use the dressing rooms with men.


So, one would think, that this individual would understand the fear a woman would have finding a biological male in the dressing room. 

One would easily understand that this person wants to keep his/her privacy intact.  This is probably why the other people in the club did not know about the "transgendered" status.



***Edit: The man has been found (scroll into the comments to find his identity).  He is a heterosexual cross-dresser and NOT a gym member.  If one looks at his Facebook page, one can see that  he identifies as a "male slut."  That would mean that he is not transgendered. He sees himself as a male.  He used the dressing room simply to hang his purse and coat.  Fair enough....


Just be forewarned that Planet Fitness is fighting a class action lawsuit because someone was secretly videotaping women in one of their tanning salons.  They should know that there are perverts out there who will bend the rules.  This is one of those rules that lends itself to abuse: someone will eventually try to put a camera in the locker room to tape people getting undressed.  It is inevitable.

http://www.iclubs.com/law-liability/class-action-lawsuit-filed-against-planet-fitness-over-hidden-camera-incident.html

This type of policy allows real perverts to get away with harassing women (and transgendered people as well).


Before you get too hyped up about this....ask yourself....how many times have you probably gone to the bathroom with a transgendered person and NEVER NOTICED? 

I'd say it probably happens more than we think it does, especially in areas with a diverse population. 

I only noticed a man in the bathroom once.  It was at a King Soopers store in the suburbs.  The man was dressed as a man: he wore a forest green button up shirt and tan khakis.  I walked in the restroom and apologized because I thought I went through the wrong door.  He told me that I was in the right place. 

It wasn't a big deal.  He went to a stall.  He came out.  He washed his hands. 
All was well. 


If he were staring at me, I'd probably have had a problem with it.  


That's the problem.  There are men, who are not transsexual, who will take advantage of this.  Who will the victims be?  Anyone who uses those dressing rooms.


*****



You can try to explain to people why this would scare a woman.  Women do get raped.  Women are conditioned to expect a certain level of privacy in dressing rooms.  We expect not to have to dress around unfamiliar biological males.

We do what we can to be safe. 


When you point that out, you get called a bigot!

I guess that means that the only points of view that count are those of the minority?

Not allowing for the sense of safety among individuals creates harm.  Deliberately putting forth a policy that can be misused by sexual predators creates harm.  I don't think people necessarily fear transgendered individuals; they fear predatory men being in the ladies locker room.  How does one differentiate one from the other?

Ignoring that reality is problematic. 


That is going to backfire big time! 




Geesh.....




I don't know what this country is coming to -but- I can see it now.


There are going to be a whole slew of laws pushed forward to protect people who do not identify with the sex identity society gives them due to their chromosomal heritage.  In response, there will be more laws pushed through that give people a religious exemption to do their jobs!

We don't need any more laws!

So now, my thoughts turn to how to prevent more laws from hitting the books -and- how to protect people from voyeurs. 

Planet Fitness has the right to do business as it sees fit.  Sure....but if I saw a truck speeding towards a brick wall, I'd honk my horn to try to get the driver's attention.

This is problematic, not only for the business, but for women who frequent this establishment.

If things don't change, I guarantee that someone will get raped.  I (and many other women) are honking our horns.  I'm not sure we're going to change the course of this business or the women who will be impacted by it. 

At least we can say that we tried. 

*******


What do we do with people who don't identify with either sex?  

I know someone like that.  I have to call that person by their first name because there is no pronoun that works.  The English language does not have a pronoun for someone that identifies as both a he and a she.   The word "they" makes it sound like the person has a personality disorder. 




How do we protect them?  How do we make such people feel welcome? 



Do we need to start having unisex bathrooms?


Wow....just wow. 



Planet Fitness is not going to be around very much longer.  I understand what they are trying to do....but...they are failing miserably.


On a personal level, if I get one more message calling me a bigot for pointing out the rape fears that some women have, I'm going to scream.


I don't think I'll donate to the Outright group again.


Sorry....but these activists have pushed me a tad bit too far with the threats of lawsuits and the pushiness. 

I am saddened by the Conservative activists who try to harass others. 

I'm growing irritated with the LGBT activists who do the same thing. 

Good luck with the name calling and the hate. 


I don't think people like myself are the judgmental ones.

Perhaps the movement needs to train their people on how to speak to others.  I do see a backlash in the near future.  I tried to be understanding but....there has to be understanding on all sides of the conversation.  If the LGBT movement doesn't want to try seeing alternate points of view, it will get nowhere. 



Pray I'm wrong. 


Love ya,
S. 





Edit:  I have been researching the odds of men who dress like women raping women.  I found a university in Bristol that claims women are raped by men (including transgendered males) every nine minutes (but can't find any explanation). 

I think that part of the problem is that I don't know the accurate terms to search for.  Do I search for transgendered?  Do I search for cross-dresser?  Do I search for bi-sexual?  I'll work on it and post as needed.

Now, I knew many transgendered males when I hung out with the gay crowd back in the 80's.  They taught me how to do make-up.  They kept me safe from a rapist.  Trust me, gay men are not weak.  They know how to fight and stick up for each other.  They've been doing it their entire lives.


In horror, I stumbled upon this story this evening.  A woman was sexually assaulted by a man wearing a dress in a public restroom.  This can and does happen.   This happened on Friday.  So much for all the activists who told me that these things don't happen and called me a Bigot for sharing my concerns.

I was hoping I would be wrong. 

http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Big-lots-sexual-assault-gregory-philip-Schwartz-san-diego-248669861.html

Sad News

Today I am trying to be thankful for sad news.

My ex-husband brought me a copy of Shannon's death certificate. 

They didn't find the cancer until a few days before she died. 

There was no service.

She was cremated. 

I am sad for her. 


I am sad for her family. 


I feel guilty for feeling happy that the stalking has ended. 


Couldn't there have been another way?



It's going to take a while to process this.


*****
I was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD.  I am in treatment. 

Things have been changing in my life. 

I will try to update soon. 

This is so very hard to process. 

I have had so many things change over the past eight weeks. 


I've started advertising again. 

I'm seeing clients. 

I was offered a job as a hostess. 


It doesn't pay well but it sounds like fun. 

I took a volunteer job as a publicity director for a local charity. 

I can get back out in the public eye. 

*****


Someone must be praying for me. 




I can only describe the changes as miraculous. 




Those miracles feel supernatural. 



Whoever you are, thank you for your prayers. 



I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and start giving back.

I never thought that news of my stalker's death would make me cry. 

I sure hope Shannon is resting in peace and has moved on to brighter pastures. 


Love ya,



S.