Today I am thankful for foreclosure.
I finally realized how I can get my ex out of my house.
I can stop making the mortgage payments. If I do that, I'll be free of him in 90 days or so.
I tried cutting off the internet. I stopped buying expensive food and toilet paper.
I stopped doing his laundry.
None of this has worked to date.
I'm at a loss as far as what to do.
I'm told that I won't be able to get a court date until November. It shouldn't take that long to evict an ex spouse.
My lawyer said that I have to go through family court even though I've given him notice of eviction....twice.
My ex is playing head games now.
******
So much has happened that I don't know where to start.
I'm still having trouble with hacking attempts.
My Skype account was hacked on my birthday. I had the account suspended and am in the process of recovering it now.
I don't know why someone would hack my account but they did.
It's not like I talk to anyone anymore.
I don't use any social networking at all.
I realize that the point of the stalking is to isolate me.
I isolated myself in the hopes that it would stop. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I turn down dates. I don't socialize. I don't answer the phone. I don't chastise politicians who fuck with the Second Amendment and complain that their compadres think of the Constitution as a petri dish.
In the past, I would have had a lot of fun with something like that.
I didn't go public with a campaign to send Rhonda Fields a nice pretty expensive mirror so she could look into her eyes and say those words to herself.
I agree with her.
She should stop thinking of the Constitution as a petri dish.
It would have been a very, very nice expensive mirror....something that would be tasteful yet make the point.
She should thank my stalker.
It's hard to hate on Rhonda Fields. We're birthday buddies. People born the on that particular day are nightmares on wheels for abusive assholes. We're warriors with words. The problem is we differ as to who the assholes are. She thinks the government is sacred and should take guns from people. I see the government as being the instigator of problems and know that stalking victims need guns....even if they swore them off in childhood.
My neighbor, the private investigator, knew her son.
Even he couldn't hold back tears when her son was murdered for wanting to do the right thing. He wanted to testify against a murderer.
Memories are flooding back....the knock on the door.....the crying....the silence.
I never met the young man.
I only know of him through a neighbor.
I hate it when the government doesn't protect victims of crime.
******
The local government has a mental health program.
It's a nasty mental health program.
They tried to hike taxes several years ago to fund it. They had the marked ballots kept in an employee's house. This employee sorted them.
I think she was getting rid of the no votes.
A friend of mine found it and called the state.
People went to jail over that. The ballot initiative was suspended.
I tried to use the service once.....just once....
the psychologist had her back turned to me for the entire appointment so she could type notes into her computer....
worst rapport building ever.
I never went back.
My ex decided to go.
They got him an occupational therapist who says he could make a lot more money and promised to help him find a job.
Yet....this therapist is somehow emboldening my ex by making him a victim.
I'm supposed to let him stay here because he's depressed.
He's depressed?
His family is stalking me and I'm supposed to have a pity party for him because he's depressed.
I can't date.
I can't live.
I'm supporting his mooching butt......
and he's depressed.
I'm too busy to be depressed.
Those fucktards at the City Mental Health Center are going to get me killed.
Want a clue?
You're a therapist.
Deal with the obsession.....don't feed it!
Don't make him a bigger victim.
Don't they ask why he's living with his ex wife three years after the divorce?
This isn't normal.
The last thing I need are Ph.D. level ninnies normalizing emotional and financial abuse....with our tax dollars!
They need to get a clue or training about domestic violence.
The Mayor Pro Tem is on the Board of Directors. Perhaps I should have a word with her.
The city funded battered women's shelter is worse.
They've turned me away....twice.
The first time they told me that if I left my house, I'd be homeless. They don't help homeless women.
The second time they turned me away because my daughter just turned at eighteen.
I'm honestly beginning to think that Gateway Services and A*r*a Mental Health are front establishments. Perhaps they launder the tax dollars for other purposes.
In my experience, they do everything they can NOT to help.
They don't do anything of value except leach of off tax dollars!
In my therapeutic practice, I have been known to refer people to the Denver Safehouse and Arapahoe Douglas Mental Health. I've never heard a nightmare story about them.
I've lived the nightmare story here.
I'm not even going to mention the cops who refuse to take police reports because it's obvious my ex is just "messing with" me. I hear things like "just buy a new phone, ma'am" or "kick 'em out and he'll stop" and "Call us when you get a restraining order."
You can't get a restraining order without a police report to back up your claims.
It's hard to know exactly who to get the restraining order against. I'm hassled by HIS relatives. When I finally figure out who these people are, I don't know how to have them served.
I know he has to be putting them up to the crap. Proving it is another matter.
I'm pretty sure he's the stalker because his behavior is awfully strange.
The local government instigated this crap. He worked for the city. His boss and a cop told my ex that they knew he was abusing me. The police did nothing.
His boss and city lawyers stole the money I was saving to get away. I would later learn that the money was put into his boss's travel fund.
They did this to me TWICE!!! I don't know where the money went the second time.
This is why I became a tax activist.
As the stalking grows worse, I'm only getting more disgusted at the city level waste I'm seeing.
If the city services refuse to help me, what do they tell the single mother of young children relegated to living in her car because her abusive, stalking Cluster B ex thinks he's a victim?
I'm not a victim. I'm a fighter.
It is the rule of law that is making me a victim.
The process for getting this emotionally abusive monster out of my life isn't working.
Something has got to change. I'm pretty sure this shit is happening to me because the good Lord wants me to change it.
******
I'm having nightmares.
I'm dreaming of Djinn talking about killing my ex.
They say he's poisoning me and that he needs to go away.
Worse, I'm dreaming of men from my past wanting to talk to me but being afraid of my ex.
Funny thing is that these men were with me during stalking incidents.
I'm trying to understand my dreams.
What is my subconscious mind telling me?
Maybe I am tired of hiding from people to protect them from the insanity.
*******
Each and every day I ask him to move out.
He tells me that he has no where to go.
I tell him that this isn't my problem. My problem is that his family scares me, my accounts are getting hacked and I'm constantly having to replace telephones and computers due to the damage they sustain when I am not home.
He'll complain about not knowing where to go.
I'll stand my ground and tell him that I don't care.
That's when he'll say......"you never cared."
Yeah....if I never cared your clothes would be on the front lawn.
He says crap like that all the time.
The school counselor wants me to have a meeting with my ex to discuss the stalking and the impact it is having on our daughter.
I try to talk to my ex about it.
Whenever I talk about the stalking, he'll stare straight ahead with his arms crossed over his belly.
He never gives me eye contact.
He always has a crazy look in his eye.
I told him that people who love each other look at each other, especially when one of the couple is scared to death. Whenever I've tried to talk about the stalking, he's always held that posture.
He did this throughout our marriage. This is why we divorced.
I asked if he ever loved me.
He said "no."
The other variant of the mindfuck is the "divorce is only on paper" game. He has recently told me that he only divorced me so his family would leave me alone. He claims that if his family saw that we were divorced, they'd stop breaking into the house, coming at me head on in the street, grab me when I'm walking around town, calling and so on....
I'll remind him that I asked for couples counseling before, during and after the divorce so I knew that we were on the same page.
He refused.
The divorce is real to me.
*****
Why does he expect me to continue to let him live here? Why does he expect me to pay for his auto insurance? Or the food? Or the heat? or the water?
Why should I even give him the time of day?
This is all just a mind fuck.
I'm tired of it.
I'm disgusted with the government employees who try to normalize this.
Now, I'm being told that I need to stop talking about the stalking within earshot of the kids.
The claim is that I'm scaring them by talking about it. He is also claiming that the school psychologist is demanding that I set up a meeting with her and him at the school to discuss the stalking.
It is being said that I shouldn't be talking about it. Look....I talk about it to set up a plan for stopping it. The kids have to get rides to and from school because of the stalking. We need to have a safety plan.
We need to talk about it. My talking about it is NOT what is scaring the kids.
It's not like having some asshole set a paper on fire in front of my house when they were home didn't scare them.
Nor did watching a fat chick that looks like my eldest daughter break into the house.
What about the asswipe who came at us head on in a black SUV as I drove the youngest to school?
These things probably scare the kids more than when I talk about ways to solve the problem.
I'm sick of government employed psychologists who don't get it.
I'm tempted to go running to DORA to turn in the school psychologist who is more worried that I have spoken to Michael about the stalking within earshot of the kids and expects me to take time off of work to visit with her with my ex-husband in tow....
than she's worried about the boy who punches my daughter in school. She probably hasn't realized that I'm the one that found a website that bullied this bully.
My frenemie on the school board told me to talk to the school psychologist and social worker about it.
I did. The bully is being bullied. This isn't going to end well, is it?
I don't like bullies. I don't like it when schools don't do anything about it.
WE don't want another Columbine.
This psychologist might want to get clear on what is going on. My stalking isn't why this young man is punching little girls.
The last thing I want to do is schedule school conferences with my ex-husband. I'm trying to get away!!
Goodness gracious......
Don't they teach people about this crap in graduate school?
Maybe they don't. I learned about it when I was a victim's advocate for a former Arapahoe County DA.
The DA wouldn't prosecute when I could prove my accounts were being hacked by his sister.
He was probably too busy taking on an asshole who shot up a theater.
The DA did a good job there. I know he has political ambitions.
I don't have political ambitions.
I want justice.
Me? I think of Holmes and caress my black candles with black pepper, horseradish and sulfur.
A witch has to de-stress some time. If I can't have my life at least I can play into my ex husband's family delusion that I am a witch....with 465 active djinn....or that I'm Satan or whatever the story is this week.
If they believed what they said about me.....they'd be scared.
There may soon be a few black candles with my ex's name on it if something doesn't shift soon. I won't leave those candles lonely either. They'll have other names on it, too.
Love ya,
S.
