A Homeless Guy Kept Me from Leaving Work on Time: He May Have Saved My Life

 

If you're going to have your buddies break in your ex's house; have them take the guns.  This prey is a pretty good shot. 

Today I am thankful that I came home late. 

So, I called home at 5:00 to ask the college kiddos home for Christmas break what they wanted for dinner.  It took a while but then one of them sent a text saying that their dad just picked them up unannounced to take them to a movie. 

I stayed at work late after running into a homeless man in the elevator.  He had no shoes.  He had no coat. He said he hadn't eaten all day. 

He asked if I had snacks. 

I'm a fat chick.  I always have snacks. 

I walk the man to my office and showed him my snack bar.  He helped himself to a few items.  I told him that I was allergic to nuts and the man did me the favor of taking all of the snickers, trail mix and peanut granola bars he could carry. 

I thanked him for saving my life. 

He could barely hold his bounty.  Earlier today, I was at a Christmas party where a beautiful nurse gave me a bunch of fluffy socks in a festive bag. 

I gave them to the man so he could layer up. Knowing the kind heart the nurse had, I'm sure she would approve.  

My boss donated a coat.  I had a new tube of toothpaste and brushes.  

We called around trying to get him some shoes. 

He had a mini gratis therapy session.  I spent a little over an hour with this man trying to help him survive the oncoming cold snap.  It is expected to get down to -50 tomorrow. 

I had to leave as they were locking the doors and managed to get this man to someone who could help with shelter.

Two hours late, I made my way home. 

When I arrived, I found my front door wide open and the dog staring out the iced-over glass screen door. 

[again] 

and wondering why this shit happens when my ex shows up unannounced. 

My doggo led me to the basement.  Every single time I tried to go back up the stairs, the dog would bark until I came back down. 

Houston doesn't typically bark.  He does this little dog yodel thing that Besinji's do. 

This went on for about twenty minutes. 

I called my sister who heard it.

and was advised to call the police. 

I did. 

I shared photos showing the damage to the doors the last time my ex came over unannounced. 

They walked the house and didn't see anything out of the ordinary. 

Nothing was taken. 

All my basses and guitars are here. 

The Christmas presents are here including a new Fender guitar (for the granddaughter) 

and unwrapped apple watch for my sister. 

The weapons are still here. 

The funny thing is, when I went looking for asshats in my house, I didn't grab a gun or a baseball bat.  Nope, I grabbed hair spray. 

I don't think there is any better weapon than hair spray - lol! 

The police told me hunting for asshats hidden in my home was a mistake.  I did as I was told and left in my car. 

When I came back, the only thing missing is the little box that makes my camera system work. 

Strange....

This time there were no footprints on the front door. 

The door jamb wasn't broken (my handyman did a heck of a job fixing the doors after they were pulled off the hinges last June). 

So.....

I don't know. 

The police ensured no one was in the house. 

They even tried to ease my mind so I "could sleep." 

They claim that the wind opened the door (not so sure because I had heavy glass screen doors installed). 

I'm beginning to wonder what is up with my ex. 

This would be the third time this year that things happened when he showed up unannounced. 

When we were married, members of his family broke in all the time.  They broke in for several years after the divorce was final. 

He'd feign ignorance. 

I'd usually find GPS boxes or other tracking crap on my property within weeks of these events. 

Deep down inside, I'm feeling set up. 

Sigh....

I guess that this is a sign and a signal to help the homeless more.  I was detained long enough to avoid whoever got into the house. 

I also have to find a new box for my camera system. 

My aunt told me to sick my familiars on them. 

Boy, I hate witchcraft. 

The last time I did that, the woman who broke into my house died within 24 hours of undiagnosed cancer. 

The time before that, her father (who allegedly drove by the house every afternoon), died of undiagnosed cancer. 

I really don't want to do that.  I'd prefer to solve things the mundane way. 

Maybe I should don the druid cloak one more time. 

I wonder if it still fits? 

Stay safe out there. 

And for Hades' sake, do not fuck with Irish American witches who dabble in gray magick. 

Still....

I'm grateful for that homeless guy.  I think he saved my life in a way that had nothing to do with peanuts. 

I'm thinking I need to rent my basement apartment out to a tall, bulky guy.  Maybe I need someone here who can scare off creepy people. 

I'll think about it.  It'll be easy to find a taker if I charge $400 a month. 

Maybe I should do that.  

Love ya, 

S. 

 

Soon, I'll be Unemployed (update)

 

Well, my grandboss (boss's boss) activated my Libertarian side: I'm not sure if I'm going to act like a crazed activist phantom or tap into my obnoxious Liberarian dark side. 

I just know that powerful people will be more than happy to gut the funding for the program should word get out. 

Sigh....

So yesterday, I was called into a meeting where the grandboss asked me to engage in Medicaid fraud. 

Actually, he's been asking for a while but I've never done it. 

He wants me to bill based on the type of services I offer, not the amount of time I'm giving Medicaid patients. 

So if I talk to a patient for an hour and ask questions about his or her needs, write up a treatment plan and do some psychotherapy, he wants me to bill separately for each service noting that one of the services bills for a flat rate of 90 minutes. 

My take is that the patient deserves 90 minutes of time and attention before I add to the bill. 

I've never done what he has asked.  They created a new EHR that takes the billing out of my hands.

  Now, I'm worried. 

He pressed the issue yesterday.  There were words.  This guy told me that I didn't know what I was talking about. 

We had a public tiff during a staff meeting the week before, too.  

So, I spoke to a lawyer.  Yep, it's insurance fraud.  I knew that as I gave up 46 insurance licenses to become a therapist. Worse, the lawyer has seen it before; companies will ask healthcare professionals to do this and then feign ignorance when they are caught. 

Luckily, I saved the email telling me that this method is corporate policy.  It's a shame that I didn't record the meeting. 

So, 

it is with a heavy heart that I have to resign from my 70 patients.  I sure hope my boss lets me take the $500 of therapeutic props I purchased out of the office before I'm walked out the door. Maybe I'll load them into my car before I visit with the boss.

I spent several years fighting to reduce taxes on my fellow citizens.  I'd be a hypocrite if I behaved in such a manner to increase the costs. 

Love ya, 

S. 

P.S.  How does one write a resignation letter? 

My initial instinct is to create stationary made up of coded law with the little part about insurance fraud highlighted. 

Sigh.....

I guess I'll sit down with the boss and share what I know and negotiate a way to get the hell out of dodge.  They'd better pray that none of my political frenemies, especially the conservates, ask me why I left my job. 

That would get ugly. 

Next Day Edit: 

So, I went to work bright and early and brought boxes. I packed for a bit before I clocked in. 

After that, I followed the advice of a lawyer who helped me when I fought the city and sent an email to my boss requesting clarification on the demand to engage in fraud. 

It was akin to 'Did I understand correctly?  Are we supposed to bill x, y, and z at the same time?  How do we track the amount of time that is billed to ensure accuracy?' 

The response was non-existent. 

I then called my supervisor and told her I needed to have a difficult conversation.  I expressed my concern and my intent to ensure that the company and my colleagues are protected. 

Rather than have me resign, she promised to connect with corporate - but- I later learned that she did not know who would answer the question. The legal and ethics department email is no good. 

So - I don't know.....

There is an employment lawyer that helped me deal with the shenanigans at the City of Aurora when the Tax Audit Dept/City Manager/Police Dept. harassed me in an attempt to rattle my ex-husband and prevent him from suing for wrongful termination. 

(Long story short: Never harass strangers, some of them can be ornery, well-educated, and enjoy public speaking!) 

Corruption happens. 

Misunderstandings happen.  

 I'll give people a chance to explain and reconsider their stance but if they don't, then I have to decide how to respond.  Truth be told, I don't want to be associated with people who violate the law. 

Sadly, once one sees corruption, one cannot unsee it. 

I hope the corporate officer who made the suggestion of Medicaid fraud misspoke. 

Unfortunately, that no answer is an answer in and of itself. 

I'm beginning to think that I need to leave the addiction counseling field. This agency is wanting to engage in fraud.  The last agency wanted me to work 20 hours for free on top of my 40-hour shift work and call it an internship. 

I'm wondering if the exploitation is why the burn-out rate is so darn high. 

Love ya, 

S/ 

  

Change: The Only Constant in Life

 

Today I am thankful for transitions. 

So...

I guess I'll start this story at work. 

I'm a therapist that works with a specific, misunderstood population.  Many of my colleagues are unlicensed. 

There is gossip - 

a lot of gossip 

about my "crazy curly" hair, 

about my personality, 

I care too much for the clientele,

and the perception that I'm "too nice." 

If only these gossips would look me up on Google, they'd see the truth. 

I'm not above fighting and winning wars.  Nice is as nice does.  Sometimes nice means chewing the arse of an abusive, word-twisting, ignorant asshat or two. 

Last Wednesday, that is precisely what I did with a corporate stooge who, should I be dumb enough to follow his advice, will put my ability to do the work I love at risk. 

So, the gossip has changed 

Now, I'm fierce in advocating for those who need it the most. 

Yep.  I've even run for mayor to stop rape victims from being arrested for reporting the crimes against them that happened in police custody.  I'd do it again.  

Most of my clients are homeless.  Eighteen months ago, I dreamed of Shango (Nigerian God of Thunder and Fire) urging me to help the homeless. There was a vision of a beautiful man of color, hands folded in prayer while his wrists were shackled, praying by an open garbage can. I met the man in the vision that needed my help earlier this year. He and his family found a home yesterday. I dreamt of Shango smiling last night.  

Too many black and brown people are incarcerated, treated like garbage, and left to die on the streets.  Sometimes alcohol and drugs are the only things available to pull them out of the painful terror of homelessness. 

I wish there was more I could do.  My dream is to start a co-op in the plains of Colorado to help homeless people learn life skills. 

Last month, I got myself dolled up to go to a conservative shin dig but arrived at the venue a day early.  I was embarrassed but the group welcomed me with open arms; I learned that they operate a community garden and coffee shop that employs the homeless.  This was one of those synchronicities that are life-changing. Right now, I'm thinking of leaving my job just to intern with this group and find out what I need to do to make my dream a reality. 

The asshat corporate stooges I currently work for are just going to push me to do just that. I guess they're part of the synchronistic journey, too. 

There are days when I play with the thought of running against a mayor dumb enough to pretend he was homeless for a day and publicly showed his stupidity by declaring that people choose to live that way. 

That man is a RINO. This libertarian has absolutely no respect for tax-wasting RINOS who ought to get the hell out of the way and let private entities fix the problem.  I'd change my mind if he would implore the lunatic vigilantes in the Tea Party in my town to knock off their theft of the property of the homeless so people like me don't have to spend our time helping them get replacement social security cards and IDs so they can work. 

Why would he do that when the Democrat stooges took the tax funds voted in to help the homeless to pay for the homeless sweeps in Denver?

Do you want to see a homeless person cry?  Remind them that they are important just by virtue of being a human being. 

They are treated so poorly that they often forget it.  

Our politicians and the absurd policies they promote are sick and twisted. 

***

So....

I've been having dreams of that blast from the past again.  He's not dying.  He's not drunk.  He's just trying to get me to follow him far from my home.  If I go, he starts bitching at me for not being the quiet, meek little woman he expected me to be.  In the dreams, he's trying to shame me for having a voice and honoring belief systems that he disagrees with. 

In dreams of the past, I would run away out of fear. 

In this one, I told him that we were too different and I'd find my own way home alone. I walked away into a crowd of homeless people.  

That is progress.  

***

The only issue is that the politics of the day are weaponized against people who fight the system. 

I still can't use Twitter despite Musk purchasing it. 

Facebook still limits what I see, like, and post. 

My livelihood could be put at risk if I piss off unelected bureaucrats.

Still....

I did fairly well when the local cops and city managers violated my fourth amendment rights by breaking into my property and harassing me via the court system. 

I also did well when they unfairly fined me and refused to take reports of stalking on the part of my ex-husband and his family. 

So....

'Eff it.  

We can't enjoy life if we live in a cave out of fear of smaller, less-enlightened and fearful people. 

Love, 

S. 

Shhhh

 

Communism is afoot. 

Whenever Marxism takes hold there is an assault to free speech.  There are political games and attacks.

 Well, to tell the truth, that happens with Capitalism, too.  Back between 2008-2012, yours truly had numerous run-ins with the police who violated my fourth amendment protections at the behest of a corrupt city manager. The mayor at the time told me they fired the corrupt asshat.  

I'm not so sure.  The crap didn't stop for over a year after that.  It got so bad that the city council changed the reporting date for PACS so they could fine our PAC out of existence. 

Yep, the city I live in runs itself like a Banana Republic.  They've trained me to spot what is going on at a national level now. 

People are being attacked for political purposes.  The justice department and the tax collectors are being weaponized. Right now, given some of the latest shit, I'm thinking very hard about going dark for a bit and only posting mundane crap while I regroup and find a new strategy. 

I'm sure you'll see me again, it just may not be here. 

I pray that the globalists stop the assault against our farmers, our ability to be mobile, our private property, and our very lives.  I pray that the traitors will be brought up on charges and that our republic will be restored. I pray that people see what is going on.  The WEF is about amassing more corporate power, nothing else.  The green agenda is a smokescreen enabling them to get more control. 

I'll stop talking about it here.  

I know, firsthand, how people in power will attack your vulnerabilities when they fear you. Now that my kids are grown, the only vulnerability I have is my ability to earn a living.  I need to diversify my income streams before I jump back in the fray. 

The last time, they attacked my divorce agreement.  Yep, I'll still squawk about the rape of the taxpayers to pay my ex-husband's way out of child support.  I'm sure some corporation somewhere would have rather had that welfare money.  How dare they pay for four lawyers to help my abusive ex get out of child support?  Doesn't the government have rich people to support?  

He still comes to the house, too  (a little hot foot powder is in order). 

If you know me, you know that one of my favorite prompts "It's not the government's role to _________________." 

Right now, I pray that the calvary is elected in November.  If not, brace for genocide.  I don't mean to be so negative but I'm a student of history.  I only hope that the calvary isn't tardy.  

Get your stuff in order.  It's going to be a wild ride.   

This Trekkie also implores you to listen to a Canadian passionately remind us about the foundation of our country: 

Love you, 

Siegfred 

Stalker Hanging Out in View

 Today I am thankful for confirmation that my ex-husband was my stalker. 

So, my ex-husband has taken to visiting the kiddos outside of the house unannounced for hours at a time. 

It's happened twice in the past week. 

Both times, the kids left the door open.  My curtains were open.  

Damn...I don't want my ex to see inside my home or my activities. 

If I want to do things with the kids, he'll find out about it and swoop in and do it before I can. 

I work too much. 

If he paid the child support he agreed to pay when I let him off the hook for alimony, I wouldn't have to work so damn hard and I would be home more often to do stuff with the kids. 

This was political...

I'm pretty sure Colorado hiring four lawyers to represent him to lower his child support was payback for me fighting a couple of tax hikes. 

I'm not the only activist single mother in Colorado whose ex was helped to harass her in the court system.  

Soon, my pretties, soon....

the asshats will get to see my manicured claws. 

****

I can't stand it when my ex hangs out outside of the house. 

Houston (my pup) stands at the top of the stairs and growls and barks the entire time. 

This was eye-opening. 

This was the doggo's behavior when my home was broken into.  

I'm thinking that this is proof that my ex was the culprit, despite his denials and protestations claiming that I am a liar.  

Sigh...

This was the guy who refused to move out of my house for over three years after the divorce is final. 

He's the guy who I owe thousands of dollars in legal fees due to his legal games that were funded by Colorado taxpayers and the legal lie that my ex was an alcoholic who never touched a drop of alcohol. 

Not sure how that works....(unless he took a UDS when he didn't take his diabetes medication....that could cause a positive alcohol result...but they never produced proof of the test they used to gut his child support.) 

Laywers....Liars...same thing to me.  

But....

On Monday, I drive the youngest to college.  He's not going to pay a dime for her schooling. 

I do. 

He gets all the glory. 

I get all the work. 

Once she's out of the house, I can start talking about CO-PEP and the games they played to get my ex out of supporting the kids. 

May this never happen to another single mom again. 

I hope I never see this guy outside of my home ever again. 

If I do, maybe I can buy an amp big enough to rattle his car windows. 

What do ya think? 

Love ya, 

S. 

An Idea for the Collective Conservative Consciousness

For a while, I've been irritated by fake charges and bullshit hearings: 

Now ,I'm hopeful that the Jan.6th committee gives way to keeping our republic out of the hands of elitist globalists. 

I'm spending most of my days cleaning up the mess made by asshat politicians who shut down the economy and made many of my neighbors homeless.  I am putting yet another black dress on in preparation for another funeral of someone who died in his youth due to a blood clot that I'm pretty sure was taxpayer-funded (damn Phizer and Biden for ordering an unConstitutional mandate to take an untested drug). **

I'm an INFJ. My rage is silent.  My kindness will give way to obnoxiousness that those who piss me off will regard as evil.  I'm not sure what I can and will do yet, but I'm always surprising myself. 

It just occurred to me.  The Democrats are behaving like traitors to the UN and the World Economic Forum and putting into place all sorts of lunacy to further their agenda.  There is really no time to write about it now but nearly 12 years ago, most mayoral candidates were asked to sign an ICLIE treaty promising to take actions utilizing unelected bureaucrats to further the UN green agenda.  I remember the treaty asking for one action to further their agenda the first year, two the second year, three in the third, and so on. 

Signing such a treaty is traitorous as are those who push to violate the Constitution to please these globalists and destroy our way of life. True, we need to change some things, however, it is maddening to know that these same globalists pushed oil, pushed fertilizer and other things they are trying to ban now after they made their fortunes.  Of course, the green agenda is a farce to open other markets so they can make new fortunes.  Ten years is not enough time to reverse the damage these globalists previously caused. 

Starving millions of people to push their agenda is evil, at best.  

Our Democrat traitors are charging people for a peaceful protest outside of their nation's home.  Yes, I say peaceful as the bullshit I see broadcast seems faked in some manner.  The whole January 6th committee crap does not make sense and appears to be a fraudulent distraction hell-bent on distracting everybody from the traitorous bullshit occurring on the part of the new occupant in the nation's house and his handlers. 

Here is the idea: 

(this is an oldie but a goodie)

Remember McCarthy and his war on Communism? 

Why can't we put asshats on trial who are furthering the  Rockefeller, UN and WEFs agenda? 

It is traitorous. 

Maybe we should start with Fauchi and anyone who publicly pushed the lockdowns and funded the gain of function and biological warfare experiments. 

Or maybe, we should go after US members of the WEF.  Gates, perhaps? 

If we can't do it now, I guarantee that short of election fraud, we can do this next January. 

We also ought to stop funding the clique known as the UN, too.  Why continue to pay our own bullies? 

Hugs,

S. 

**I just remembered that I should tell my boss about the Denver Cop parked behind my car at work last night.  He tailed me through the parking lot and stopped. Another cop picked me up and followed me several blocks. Don't know if that was about me, my homeless buddies, or them trying to dig up dirt on people struggling with addiction.  That chick in the Buick with the gun rights bumper sticker is kinda obnoxious.  She tends to utter Latin curses and wave her left hand at asshats in cars when she feels threatened or irritated.  If you were a Denver cop tailing a redhead in a Buick on Leetsdale/Parker Rd. yesterday, get thee some holy water pronto.

My Stalkerish Ex Must Be Trying to Get me to Move (w/edit)

 

Domestic abusers and stalkers are nothin' but spoiled, insecure bullies.  Police departments are often their biggest enablers.  The sad thing is that many of these mass shooters are domestic abusers.  Cops don't often take reports so these guys stay off of their radar until it is too late.  My stalker has threatened the government but I don't have any solid proof except what I'm told he posts to Facebook. 

The words I hate saying the most is 'I told ya so.'  May I never have to say them again. 

Today I am thankful for professional opinions. 

So, 

I've been interviewing contractors. 

They're warning me that someone has tried to break into my home. 

One told me today, "I've only seen that kind of damage during hurricanes." 

Damn it....

The sad thing is that I could call the police, 

but they'd tell me they can't do anything because stalking is a civil matter 

 (grrrr - I should've run for office again after that crap from the cops - maybe it'll just be ammo to run again. I'm a former victim's advocate.  Yeah, I know the cops were being lazy and feigning ignorance.) 

Okay...

there is a trick to this...

that trick is to hide all my matches 

so I don't do anything I'm going to regret. 

I'm just like everyone else, 

when I get scared, 

I'm prone to acting out of my shadow. 

Someone deserves to be cursed. 

Damn it. 

(but rather than resorting to witchcraft, I'm just going to call my lawyer and start collecting the $40,000 he owes me. I think the State of Colorado allows 11% compounded interest.  Over nine years, that's going to be quite a pretty penny.  Just to think, I wasn't going to go back to court to renew the judgments but, you know what?  If someone is going to destroy my home, well, I'm done being nice.) 

Truth be told, I really don't have to do anything.  

Someone is due for some shitty karma. 

I only hope I don't have to see this person go down in flames. 

Love ya, 

S.  

Well...it's two days later and my savings account is $1,100 lighter.  At least now I have security doors. 

Damn it. 

If this guy ever pays me the $40,000 he owes me, I'll be able to recoup this and the other things this guy has cost me over the past thirty years. 

I'm lucky I had the money. 

Hugs, 

S. 

Perspective

 

Today I am thankful for perspective. 

Too many people are dying.  

I've lost two folks this week.  It's a sad thing. One of whom just got off of the streets.  Homelessness does a number on the health and well-being of our brethren. 

The government trip towards communism is pissing me off. 

I see the carnage it's creating yet I have no clue what to do. 

Over the years, the universe has taught me that if I pray for a change I'll be given an ugly, heavy hat and directed to throw it in an ugly horrible ring.  That must be due to my ancestry; I'm a descendent of a Post Civil-War Era President who won a war drunk and a Ringling Brother who left the circus to rescue horses. 

The truth is that I'd rather do other things; 

make art, play music, conduct art and music therapy groups.....

just about anything other than bitch in public and get booed by cherry-picked asshats invited by red politicians.  

Yeah, many town halls have audiences who are invited because they'll go easy on the politicians. 

Sad, eh? 

What do I think of politics? 

Politics is proof that this plane of existence is a type of hell. 

I got into the car today and let myself cry. 

Then it happened, I turned on the radio and heard my favorite Clinton. 

Isn't there anything that George Clinton, Bootsy, and crew can't fix? 

I sat there, stone-cold sober from the losses when I realized that the people in charge of this country are traitorous lunatics who never studied history.  They're leading good people into another hellish circus that could put the country into famine and war. 

Most other people are awesome. 

There are more good souls in this country than there are traitorous lunatics. 

I honestly believe that someone desecrated the Georgia Guidestones to stand up to the depopulation plan the Freemasons, the WEF, Bill Gates, and other godless UN nutjobs are pushing.  

When one bitches, whines, and complains, one ought to find a way to solve the problem. 

Right now, I don't know what I can do to help the 20 or so homeless folks I talk to on a daily basis. 

I bought a little prayer candle with St. Jude on it. 

Do you want to know something disturbing? 

When I pray, 

the universe forces me to take some type of action. 

I'd bet that happens to you, too. 

I'd also bet that most of the time that action is not what is expected. 

I'll light it tonight and ask for direction. 

Sigh....

well, see. 

What do you bet someone will present me with an ugly, old hat and a petition? 

May all your prayers be answered in a manner that doesn't freak you out. 

Love, 

S. 

An Evil Footprint - Good Thing For Footprints

 

Today I am thankful for my neighbors. 

 So, I've been hesitant to share this...

Last Monday, I was on my laptop trying to do some homework for my Jungian Sandplay class when my dog went nuts...

I heard a thud...

and looked out the window. 

I saw my heavy glass entryway barely hanging on to the house. Three of the four corners of the metal door frame were off of the entryway, and the door was hanging off of the house. The only thing holding it together was the wiring for the vintage doorbell. 

At that moment, I felt incredibly lucky that the glass didn't smash into the ground. 

That loud sound drew my private investigator neighbor and the renter next door, who helped me remove the wires and move the heavy door to the side of the house.

The entire outer door jam is gone. The wood frame of the house is exposed! 

Yikes.

The neighbors noted the damage to my garage door, my back door, and the front door. The PI also noted that the contractors replaced all of these doors and that they didn't do a good job. 

My daughter sues bad contractors. She's been urging me to sue since they stopped working on the house and left a gaping hole in the upstairs bathroom. 

My water in the kitchen stopped working, and one of my new walk-in showers fell apart shortly after they left. 

Holiday parties suck because all the men who come try to fix my house. 

I don't let them. The best story I tell them is that I'm a feminist bumble bee. The story starts by saying "I'm Mzz. [last name]," which means that I have to do it myself, but I am way too busy. It'll hurt my pride to have people fix my house for free. They can fix it if they charge me a market rate. Since they love me, they refuse to charge me money. 

My sister's boyfriend, my daughter's boyfriend, my now deceased bass player brother, and my twin nephews were very offended. 

The last thing I want to do is abuse the people I care for by taking advantage of them. 

So, my house remains falling apart as I ponder the folly of allowing a government I am pissed off to pick a contractor to fix my house. Those asshats broke everything. At least I caught the electrical mistakes early and had them fixed during COVID. I was lucky to find an electrician needing work after having his business shut down by governmental asshats. 

So—

I'm hunting for a contractor but—between

school and my job with over 70 psych patients, I have little time for anything. 

(I sobbed when I realized that I hadn't played with Charlie in nearly a year. I picked him up, but then my term paper began calling to me. I'm tempted to bring him and Tom to a music group for people in recovery - they'll get some love there. I may never see them again but it's not like their strings are getting any use in my dusty recording studio.) 

I'm going to stop school in the fall for my own sanity.

All this time, my daughter, who sues bad contractors for a living, begs me to file suit. I just told her that I was blessed when they installed steel doors and put the hinges on the inside of the house. 

That possibly saved my life. No one has broken into the house. This is why, no matter how badly the contractors damaged my house, I will not sue the contractors.

Someone has broken into the garage, but my house seems to be a fortress. 

Yesterday, my washer broke as I was helping an elderly woman do her laundry. I wound up driving her to a laundromat and having an adventure talking to my fellow Aurorans. An elderly black woman at the laundromat taught me how to get in and out within an hour. 

The trick is to use a warm dryer. Additionally, I learned that to be a good community member, one must offer a warm dryer to someone needing one.  

See? The people here are beautiful. I could always digress and tell you tons of stories about the lessons of the people who lived in old Aurora. I'm smiling as I remember how strangers saved me in 1998 after I was involved in a hit-and-run. They called the police, who went off looking for me. I had hit my head and could barely walk. Not really thinking, I ran off to school to take a scheduled test, an act that would turn out to be a mistake that led to a lifetime of physical pain. Many years ago, a local paper dubbed me "the Accidental Auroran" because I moved here because the people in this area are beautiful, kind, and grounded in reality. Maybe someday I'll tell you the story of the black man I met in '92 who used to save people on the side of the road who ran out of gas to teach people that "not all black people are bad." That story broke my heart. I hope he realizes that he's beautiful and good even if he doesn't always stop to save people. Maybe I've been trying to be like him all of these years; as the daughter of a fireman, I just can't get myself to save people with a flammable substance. I just carry extra water and food.

*****

Yesterday, I took a break from my studies to work on the garden a bit. 

That's when I noticed it.

a huge footprint on the door leading into the garage. 

Damn it. 

*****

I am deeply spiritual. It's very hard for me to feel connected to the Divine with all of the crap going on within my country.

I fear for our homeless (most of my patients are homeless), and I squarely put the blame on the stupid politicians who bought into the COVID hysteria and shut down the economy, causing a cascade of economic harm that made homelessness a middle-class phenomenon. 

If I had a dollar for every college-graduate homeless person I had met, I would buy a chunk of land in Eastern Colorado and start a farm to house as many of the homeless as I could. 

Alas, it won't happen. 

For most of my life, idiots have been dismantling the Constitution, but it has never been so overt. The COVID-19 was the start of the dismantling of the house I always loved the most. 

On this day when we are supposed to celebrate freedom, I stayed at home studying how to help people break out of their own internal prisons.

and wondering if I need to put that aside and start working on fighting for the freedoms that our travestious politicians are stealing. 

If I'm ever shot, you'll know why. 

 

This brings me back to footprints. 

We don't really walk alone. We are part of a vast network of people, many of whom walk alongside us and take small opportunities daily to remind us that we are not alone.

You know what I'd love to see? 

It just hit me—

the local paper is struggling.

Wouldn't it be cool if they had a section allowing people to share stories of the kindness that occurs within this city? 

You know, I'd donate $25.00 a month to see that. 

My budget is ruined due to the cost of food and clothing—not for myself but for those around me. I've been meaning to pull back.

Perhaps spending money to change the negative atmosphere in my city would be a better investment than cheap socks, shoes, bottled water, canned food, and trail mix.

Hope is priceless. 

Well, I'll finish my term paper today and, if I have any energy left, I'll consider writing a letter to the editor. Someone at the laundromat told me that he no longer wears his mask and publishes snark. That used to be my favorite part of the paper. This might be a good thing. It's time to get serious and, just maybe, it is time for us to support smaller papers now that the syndicates only cater to Richie Rich and ignore the 90% of us who keep the world running. 

It's something to think about. In this world, it's obvious that the Christian Jesus is letting the greedy dark lords have power. He hasn't come back yet. 

We don't really walk alone, do we? There truly are angels here on Earth.

We have to honor those everyday strangers who walk with us. They do a greater service than we realize. 

Love you, 

S. 

 

Somber Day

 

Today I am thankful that I can feel...

I'm just not happy about what I'm feeling. 

My closest bass player buddy was found dead this morning.   He was the one whose mother raised my youngest sister in foster care.  I got him interested in playing so much so that his mother forbid me from talking to him for five years. 

Galen played in a local metal band.  

On Christmas, he was saddened when he couldn't come over.  His mother was sick and couldn't make it to the house for our party. 

Word on the street was that he had a crush on me. 

I adored him deeply -but- he's like a brother to me so, it wouldn't have gone anywhere. 

My entire family is in shock.  

No one knows what happened. 

My thoughts are two-fold; 

it's either the fucking Covid vaccine.  I'm seeing many people pass away due to blood clots. 

But - 

I'll be really pissed if he died from fentanyl. 

Times are rough.   

Sigh....

Life is not fair. 

Hold your loved ones close. 

For no one knows how much time we have with them. 

Love ya, 

S.  

Irritated Laughter

 Today I am thankful for a CEO who assuaged me from my guilt. 

Last week, I decided to leave my job due to a toxic work culture.  I was asked not to quit but to request a transfer because the entire company is short-staffed. 

I requested the transfer It was denied.  I was told they didn't want to lose me.  They offered me a work-from-home position instead. 

I hate working from home! 

I have a master's degree and work as a counselor.  I make what the kids at the burger joint make.  I justified the low pay because I want to help the community. 

So, I agreed to stay. I felt guilty for wanting to leave. 

Half the staff quit in the past three months.  They fired the supervisor.  I had to hire own my supervisor to comply with state law surrounding my credentials. I have to purchase my own insurance, and my own supplies (even my own key because the last counselor forgot to return hers). 

So - 

Today we get called in a meeting.  The CEO threatened us.  If we don't bring in a certain amount of revenue each month, they'll take away our so-called work-at-home perks. 

Do you know what I hate more than working from home? 

Threats 

and pushing me to commit fraud. 

No one I know is complying with double-billing.  We work to hard to get licensed, it's just not worth it.   

So - 

I guess I'll start answering some of those LinkedIn queries for interviews. 

Just putting this out there - if you are a CEO with a huge company pushing the boundaries of legality in a field known for a shortage of qualified workers... 

um....

don't threaten your employees.  If your billing software is broken, fix it.  Don't blame the workers for your revenue shortage if they're doing the work and the money doesn't match.  If you're not advertising your services, it is not up to your employees to drum up business. 

If I'm going to do advertising, it'll be for my private practice.  

I guarantee within the next thirty days, they are going to lose at least one of us.  If I were a betting person, I'd bet 20% of the staff jumps ship in the next month. 

Just watch. 

The thought of possible fraud just makes me want to hop back into activism.  Think about it - perhaps there is a reason Medicaid didn't cover much in the mental health department in years past.  

Sigh....

This company is giving me libertarian ammo. It would be a shame if I had reason to point and shoot my mouth off ( had to clarify that thought as too many people read figurative things literally).     

Maybe the addiction business isn't a good business for someone who cares about the taxpayers.  I've seen too much in the past twelve years or so. I've seen things ranging from allowing women to be raped in rehab and then setting them up with false charges to avoid a lawsuit, to bullying patients, engaging in wage and hour violations as well as requesting professionals engage in fraud.  I'm wondering if part of the problem is people working in addiction having to face their own demons. 

I'm seeing a lot of strange things that I've never seen before in the world of work. 

Maybe I need to go to my private office and dust a bit.  Maybe I don't play well with others.  

It's probably time to work for myself again. 

Hugs, 

S. 

Lucky

 

Today I am counting my blessings. 

My youngest is heading off to college to study forestry.  I remember, years ago, taking her to a National Park somewhere (New Mexico maybe?) when she was a kiddo and I was trying to escape her father's stalking crap. She had a conversation with a forest ranger and decided that this was what she wanted to do with her life. 

My daughter was beginning to doubt her career choice.  There was this horrible gut feeling that I needed to take the first and second week of June off and go to Wyoming.  It couldn't wait.  I don't know why.  I got the old Buick fixed up with new tires and drove 600 miles to Yosemite.   We spend numerous days in the Teton National Forest and finally made it into Yosemite on June 8. We spent the entire day there and I rented a cabin on a ranch with plans to go back the next day. It was gently raining when we left. 

Houston had a lot of fun at Yosemite.  Now, whenever I open the front door, he wants to jump in the car - lol! 

My daughters refused to go back.  They missed the cat and wanted to go home.  So we returned from our trip two days early.  

When we got back home, I learned that the park was closed due to the heavy rain and flooding.  Most of the roads were closed when we were there because the snow hadn't yet melted. 

Sigh...

I'm glad we missed the drama. 

Dramas happen all around us.  Most of the time, we don't see it. 

Let me tell you about the Raven at Old Faithful (the link will take you to a live cam of the geyser). 

There was this black raven who flew circles around the geyser.  It was scarred up and had some damage to one of its wings.  I wondered if the poor bird had been caught in a plume and wounded at some point. 

I, with my kiddos, watched the geyser as the bird continued to fly around Old Faithful.  Sure enough, five minutes ahead of the scheduled time, the geyser erupted and that bird flew a wide circle around the geyser, eventually landing on the sand to the right of the stream of steam.  It was like it was taunting the monument.  

That is one brave bird.  

I should go back, take some photos and write a children's book.  I'm surprised no one has done that yet.  It could be a good fundraiser for the park.   

Seems like a good story about overcoming trauma. 

I'm feeling pretty lucky that we didn't get stuck in the park.  This buck was very hyper, part of me wonders if he had a sense of what was going to happen. He kept charging at the cars.  Sad to think of what may have happened to him.  Animals are smart, hopefully, the wildlife isn't too impacted by the flooding. There are so many dramas and stories at that park that we will never know about.  

Listen to your gut, it never leads you astray.  

Love ya, 

S. 

Strange Times (with edit)

 

Today I am thankful for options. 

When I was hiding from my stalker, I kept my hypnosis office but rarely saw clients so I didn't have to worry about my ex's family hassling them in the waiting room. 

That happened too much when I did hypnosis full-time. 

I paid the rent faithfully and still do to this day.  I've been at my present location for well over a decade now. 

The only job I could do safely was work as a supervisor in a call center because the premises was on lockdown and my ex would be arrested if he threw a fit. 

Well, 

I've finally felt safe enough to go back into counseling and work in a facility with security. 

There have been no issues with creepy ex-husbands bugging me there. 

It's nice. 

I still see the occasional hypnosis client. 

Get this - 

I don't make much money. 

Most of my money goes into education or things for the patients. 

(shhh) 

My caseload has grown from 50 to 75! 

I've been given one three-hour group a week with the promise that my caseload would stay at 60. 

(yeah right) 

Everyone is quitting. 

I nearly quit yesterday after growing tired of the negativity and having a nurse gaslight me and a patient. 

It's a long story....

I'm working hours I don't even charge the company for.  There are twelve-hour days (tomorrow will be fourteen hours).  I asked to transfer....but everyone is incredibly short-staffed; it wouldn't be fair to do a complete transfer. 

The problem is that I have too much respect for my boss.  I just hate how corporate treats her and everybody else.  Part of me wonders if that is why a certain nurse gaslit me and my colleagues complain so much. 

*****

Work should energize you. 

When I do hypnosis, I leave work happy, energized, and wanting to run a marathon. 

Same with play therapy and art therapy. 

This is also true of volunteering with the homeless. 

My job just leaves me exhausted. 

I couldn't pinpoint it until today. 

I went in an hour early and felt like a badass running around and helping people whether or not they were on my caseload.  People had needs.  I filled them.  I was energized. 

Then a colleague complained that I had to help someone because the person assigned to her told a lie and refused to help her. 

At that point, the energy drained from my body.  I wanted to sleep so badly that I rubbed my eyes and smeared my eye make-up. 

I spent half the day looking like a surprised raccoon! My colleagues and patients are far too kind to tell me to check my face.  There are lovely people in the world.  

Upon making it home, I crashed.  I found myself awakened by a patient call.  I answered (off the clock) and did a session.

Now, I'm hyper. 

That is when I realized that I hate bitching.  I can't tolerate it!  

Okay...maybe that is the key to my survival.  

Stay away from complainers. 

******

Here is the rub. 

I just answered my email. 

I was offered an interview for a medical call center position that pays MORE than I make as a counselor. It's not even a supervisory role! 

Part of me wants to jump on it.  It's located near my hypnosis practice.  I could do both.  Maybe if I do that, I won't feel as burned out as I do now.   

What a sad day!! 

What in the world causes mental health professionals to be so undervalued that call center employees make more money? 

Sigh....

It would free up time to finish school. 

I'm a master's level addiction counselor and certified expressive arts therapist (music, art, play therapy).  I'm in school studying Jungian play therapy and am working on getting my Marriage and Family Therapy License.  Once I gain those licenses, I'll probably just go back to my office. 

In this business, the only way to make money is to work for yourself. 

(Here's hoping that the ex is too old to bug me.) 

That's food for thought. 

I feel undervalued as an addiction counselor and it zaps my energy.  Perhaps it is time to go where I'm valued. 

It's sad I'm actually considering it.  

Love ya, 

S. 

Edit 6/19/2022

Well...I think I'm depressed. 

I had a convo with the boss at another facility and asked to transfer due to, what I termed, "toxicity." This was my second request.  I was informed that they were waiting until my facility had hired more people. 

Then another employee at my facility quit. 

My boss will allow a part-time transfer which will take most of my caseload away.  I struggle with abandoning my patients, especially if they see me at the facility part of the time.  It could cause psychic distress to people wondering why their counselor dumped them. 

Yeah, I understand that they don't want to lose other employees.  The rub, was a tiny comment thrown in there about people in my age range.  It was insinuated that, at my age, it's best to stay put.  If I were younger, I could jump on new opportunities. 

I need to stay grounded.  I know a heck of a lot of counselors in my age range who have just switched jobs and are happy.  

Rather than transfer, I am looking for another job.  

I may wind up calling the medical call center tomorrow. 

It's hard to imagine that this job is aging me.  I'm having chest pains and joint swelling.  It doesn't help that their insurance plan denies paying anything - even for physicals and labs with doctors, they recommend from their plan.  I can't get refills on my blood pressure meds. Every time I call Blue Cross Blue Shield of Texas, I get a different story; (1) the lab provider is not in-network, (2) the lab is in-network but the doctor I saw was not in-network, (3) the doctor I saw was in-network but the wrong doctor signed the lab paperwork, and (4) We cut a check for $57.00 (half the cost of the labs) but it was never sent (no one told me why).  I have been disconnected numerous times while waiting for answers.  I've been meaning to fill out the long-form with the Department of Insurance in Texas and request an investigation. I'm not even receiving estimations of benefits (which is required by Federal law).  They say they will send them.  They confirm my address.  They never arrive. 

I'm sad to say this, it is time to leave the company before it kills me.  I've taken on so much debt to set up practice the way they'd like it to be and taking courses to add new certifications so they can offer new services, only to find out that the company changes direction with the wind. They don't even help with malpractice insurance costs.

At least my investments are transferrable into my private practice.  

Yesterday, I found a memo encouraging Medicaid fraud.  I won't follow those rules. It's not their license on the line, It's mine.  Luckily, I pay for outside supervision so I can get an honest take on the legality of certain practices.  

We are in a recession.  Jobs are soon going to be very difficult to find.  It's time for me to jump ship and go back into private practice. 

There is a part of me wanting to move to Longmont.  I drove through last week and saw that the homeless population is burgeoning. With homelessness come the drugs that help people cope with the despair.  Boy, oh boy, I sure hope Ms. Liberal Crazy Pants isn't still on the City Council.  That could get awkward! 

Life is short - may you live and work in an environment that gives you the experience of joy and allows you time to live rather than just make a living. 

Love you, 

S

 

Living Incognito

 

Growing up, my parents constantly sang the Bobby Bare version of this song to me.  Yuck! 

Today I am thankful for my middle name. 

In my real life, my first name is slang for girl*. 

My middle name is a guy's name. 

My last name is my ex-husbands' because I was too lazy to change my driver's license.  It's one of the most common last names in the world. 

I'm finally realizing that is why the Democrats keep calling me Mr. [husband's last name]. 

They see my middle name and just rush to judgment. 

They think I'm a dude. 

I'm not Mr. Blah....

That's the name of my stalker!! 

Perhaps I need to change my middle name. 

It may just be easier to start publically posting my pronouns which are 

she/her/hers. 

****

How I came about the name was pretty weird. 

When I was 18 years old, I was being beaten by a drunkard so I left.  He kept finding me and trying to rape me. 

So...I just hid and changed my name.  I chose the same name as another woman in my city. 

It's a little bit funny because my own family still doesn't know my complete name. 

The ruse was up when the internet became commonplace. 

This guy eventually found me took me to court and pulled a DARVO. 

(the shit Depp is pulling with Heard). 

Denial....he wanted so bad to be a victim to assuage his guilt for beating me up. 

He lost his case. Once his experts learned what I did for a living, his case crumbled to dust. 

It broke my heart when his new wife called me crying and begging me to tell her how to stop him from putting her in the hospital.  I didn't know what to tell her except to call a domestic violence hotline. 

The name change only cost me $30.  

That was money well spent.  Before that, it was not uncommon for him to brag about ruining my vehicles.  He was a mechanic who had a penchant for cutting my transmission hoses. I had a good seven years free of him.  He found me in 1999. 

Creepos are expensive! 

He finally left me alone in 2004 after trying to push me into his car for sex.  My protective neighbors caught him and he never came around again. 

I think that was how Michael learned that I feared stalkers.  What harassment I endured from the first guy was quadrupled by Michael and his creepy family. 

This is probably why I won't date. It's not worth the risk.  

Maybe it's a good thing the Democrats think I'm a dude.  Maybe it gives me a sense of power. 

It's cool. 

I wonder when they'll connect that the red-headed woman at the City Council meetings is actually Mr. Blah the psychotherapist who wants to help homeless addicts - lol! 

I just gotta say, though, that this whole thing is bruising my ego a tad bit. 

Maybe I'll go on a diet, buy a few more wrap dresses and get myself a makeover. 

Love ya, 

Mz. S. 

*Darn, I just began to think my entire life is a Tommy Roe album given my name and propensity for vertigo - lol! Maybe my subconscious took in all those songs my mom used to play constantly around me as a baby.  Listening to the old Bobby Bare song (covered by Blake Shelton above) makes me wonder if  I internalized the bit about sleeping with guns and wearing red satin dresses - hmmm. Be careful what you sing to your kids. 

They could grow up to be overly dressy Libertarians - gasp! 

There are several songs with my name out there. I am often serenaded in public. 

I used to drive alcoholics in recovery to AA meetings in a huge bus. They'd sing an 80's tune to me. If I hit a curb, there would be a chorus of 

"Oh, [first name]," complete with fake British accents. 

It's adorable. 

My favorite song someone has sung to me in the street is from India.  An older woman sings this to me when she runs into me....she even does the little dance. 

Cracks me up ,,,,, 

This whole thing makes me grateful for those Dems that call me a dude. 

(Yeah, it's gone on for thirteen years or so now....almost like a running joke.) 

They don't sing to me. 

They respect me enough to throw facts and figures at me.  As a former researcher, I'm a data monkey. 

It took a while but, at least, I have my positive spin on it. 

Hugs, 

S. 

Take Advantage of Change Moments

 

Today I am thankful for my decision to exit my job. 

I love working with people recovering from addiction.  Each and every person I've met with this issue tend to be diamonds stuck inside a ball of traumatic glue. 

Once the substances wear off, 

once they begin to work on their personal traumas, 

once they start setting boundaries with their demons, 

they turn out to be the best humanity has to offer. 

There is nothing that is a greater teacher of wisdom than the addiction journey. 

That said, 

the business is disturbing. 

Corporations try to buy out competitors to increase the cost of their services. 

(Note: this population tends to struggle financially so money really isn't always going to be there.) 

Corporations push counselors across legal lines. 

Regulations recommend a caseload of fifty. 

Now, they're telling me 100 is the norm. 

It's enough to make me want to start a campaign to get on the addiction counseling board at DORA. 

You cannot do good work in forty hours a week with a caseload of 100. 

Then again, 

in private practice, I capped my caseload at 20.  We typically did great work within four to eight sessions.  My initial methodology was short-term therapy. 

*****

It's not uncommon for stressed counselors to become anxious and obnoxious. 

Over the course of the past few years, I've tolerated verbal abuse, threats, and accusations that wind up making me laugh and feel sorry for my bosses. 

My former boss was a bully. 

My current boss is being overworked. 

That said, 

I'm beginning to see why I was bullied at my last job. 

It's starting to happen where I'm at now. 

Right now, it's just irritating. 

I'm going to leave before it gets too bad. 

Let me tell you why I keep getting into trouble: I hate bitching. 

So, my colleagues have figured out if they bitch about having to do something, I'll do it. 

I took on a group on Saturday through 1-1-2022 to stop the bitching.  The deal was that, after five months of my doing it solo, they would take turns with the group after the New Year Holiday so that I could attend to my coursework for my art and music therapy certification.  

I would do the group on the weekends I was not in school.  They would take turns the weekends I was in school. 

No one wanted to do that.  When I asked, I got a lot of bitching about how horrible the company was. 

So, I stopped asking and just said I couldn't do it because I was, quite literally, investing in making the groups better. 

I graduate with my certificate in two weeks. 

*****

Now, this week, I've been bitched at several times. 

I think the few stressed-out counselors who are bitching are misusing psychology to get me to do their workload. 

One was indirect, a woman was in the office adjacent to mine very loudly complaining that NO-ONE volunteers to help her and upset that we don't kick clients out of our offices to answer the phone to take her clients.   When she finished screaming, I reminded her that I volunteer to help her several times a week. 

She walked away without acknowledging me.  At this point, I decideded to stop jumping in to help her. 

Yesterday, I was confronted about doing my due diligence.  This bachelor's level counselor is why I'm planning my escape. 

I'm going to tell you part of the story because I think it will help someone. 

So...

I have this talent of getting people to tell me their stories just by saying "Hi there! How are you today?" 

I've had this talent since I lived with the homeless back in '87. 

People tend to tell me everything.  It is possibly because I work with traumatized folks (either in the realms of politics, advocacy, or counseling).  People want to vomit out the trauma.  They want to get it off their chests. 

I have kind eyes. 

In sum, it starts when I'm walking down the hallway and just using my catchphrase. 

"Hey there!  How are you today?  I like that [some unique quality of the person's presentation]."

Oh, I forgot about the silent ways we greet each other. I guess I should start there. 

Every single human being has a silent hello.  It's a form of body language that we use to signal openness while approaching another person.  We can usually see these several feet away. 

It can be an open palm gesture.  It can be a smile.  It can simply be a flick of the wrist, a turn of the head, a quick blink.  Everyone open to talking has something. 

All you do is mimic it subtly back to them and viola, they will talk to you if they are open to do so. 

It's instant connection. 

If there is one thing most people are hungry for, it is connection. 

This is probably why people talk to me. 

Yesterday (as usual) a complete stranger tells me about his health issues that he is in denial of.  I let him talk for a minute or so without interruption and he mentions that he is fearful and has quite a lot to live for.  He goes on to say that it is time for him to actually listen to his doctor and stop utilizing the number one legal substance that destroys the liver. 

I say simply, "You know, you're important.  [That substance] is dangerous to stop using on your own.  Any one of us will be more than happy to refer you to someone who can help you get it out of your system safety."  We do not specialize in alcoholism or detox. **

He smiles and goes off to talk to a nurse.  I wave, smile, and say, "It's always good seeing you."  I assumed he comes into the offices often as he knew his way around.  It turned out I was right. 

I'm trying to figure out the man's name and who is counselor is so I can send an email (which is what I typically do...it destroys my metrics but it helps the person which is all that matters). 

Well, the counselor confronts me because I spent 2 minutes talking listening to her patient.  Apparently, she overheard the conversation. Rather than take the opportunity to connect with her pt and offer to talk she decided to get upset with me. 

This is one of the counselors who badmouths the company to the hilt. 

So - I'm going to ask to transfer. If it is denied again, I'm going back into private practice. 

I love my boss but I don't want ShadowSiegfried to hypnotize her colleagues during a point of silent rage. 

*****

People are precious.  There are rare moments of insight:  These moments should be capitalized on rather than ignored. 

Especially in the realm of addiction.  Addiction is a deadly business.  I've seen statistics stating that a person addicted to heroin, fentanyl, alcohol and/or methamphetamine have a 76% chance of dying of that use. 

Anything that helps hit the reality of the impact of the disease home is important.  Options are important. 

If someone knows why they want to make a change and they are ready to do so - do not put them off and make them wait for their next monthly appointment. 

The momentum may be gone by then.  Hell, the momentum may be lost within the next ten minutes if the person isn't adequately motivated to move forward.  

******

What I want to tell you is this 

There are those rare and fleeting moments when your heart tells you that things need to change. 

Those are the moments you need to embrace. 

Sure, change is hard. 

Stagnation is harder. 

It is never too late to be the person you are meant to be. 

I don't even know you -but- I know this...

no two people are alike. 

You, by the very uniqueness of your expression, are important. 

Seize those moments - 

those moments where your heart, your gut or something beautiful inside you tells you things need to change 

and your mind is trying to keep up . 

Listen to that insight...

grab ahold of those rare moments with both of your hands...

sit on it...

ponder it...

reach out...

and reach up....

You are important. 

You are loved. 

Yes, you are loved.  You may not have met your tribe yet but know this, when you do...

you'll know that you are needed 

and you were loved all along. 

Love ya, 

S. 

P.S.  Yes, I'll continue to say hello to this gentleman.  No matter what his obnoxious counselor says. Addiction is a disease of isolation.  The cure is connection to healthy others. 

**Disclosure: My mother had seizures due to the inability to get alcohol.  She had decided to stop drinking on Valentine's day 1984. Her husband beat her up during one of these seizures and set her hair on fire leading to her death.  She died two days later on her 36th birthday after being beaten into a coma. The moral of the story is this: If you are alcohol dependent - get help.) 

Hugs...

The Farce that Endangers Domestic Violence Victims

 

Today I am thankful for being educated and paying attention in graduate school. 

Oh boy - 

I can't believe you cannot say the word Coronavirus on YouTube without getting kicked off or demonetized 

but 

you can call Amber Heard a liar and be a-okay. 

Oh lordy....

Sure, we all want to believe that Johnny Depp is a pirate. 

He's not. 

He's a man...

with an addiction...(or three) 

who cannot account for his behavior while under the influence of illicit substances. 

(This isn't exactly uncommon.) 

Depp claims he is a victim of domestic violence. 

It's incredibly common for abusers to turn the tables on victims and claim to be the victim because 

they don't get what they think they are due. 

Do you want to know who the abuser is? 

Here's a hint - 

it's the person pushing the court cases. 

The abuser is the person wanting an audience with the victim. 

The abuser is the person with the most power. 

This stupid court case is just an exercise in blaming the victim for the purpose of assuaging Depp's guilty conscience by finding something to blame his victim for and excuse his acts of physical violence. 

The trial is,in and of itself, abusive in nature. 

He continues the abuse through the court cases. 

(This, too, is not uncommon.)  

The longer this bullshit drones on, the more apparent it is. 

Yes, I hear that Amber Heard is Borderline. 

So what? 

Borderline?  It's an emotional dysregulation disorder (not a personality disorder). 

Borderline females tend to punish themselves and hold their pain in.  Borderline males tend to lash out.  

Yeah, I dated someone with BPD. 

It's no picnic. 

When it was over, he slandered me. 

Do you know what you do when you are confronted with a snake? 

You get the hell away from the snake. 

You don't call them into court to gaslight them. 

Only snakes do that. 

The only person making a mockery of Johnny Depp's career is Johnny Depp. 

If he had any wits about him, he'd stop this mockery of a trial and give a press statement expressing sympathy to his ex for the hard life she lived prior to meeting him. 

or whatever....

It seems to me Depp isn't that classy. 

That is why his career is in the toilet. 

****

I was following a couple of fellow addiction counselors and like, sharing, and subscribing (even watching the stupid commercials) to help them build revenue. 

These guys had to post videos about their suspicions that Amber Heard is guilty due to "blood splatter" and other gaslighting bullshit theories.  They obviously didn't pay attention in the post-graduate classes. They are also too stupid to realize that them getting drawn into the spectacle is hurting true victims of domestic violence. 

I'll never network with these idiots with doctorates again. 

Look -there are many true male victims of domestic violence.  People want to acknowledge that so much that they are buying into Depp's bullshit to make him the survivor that he isn't. 

Do you know why male victims of domestic violence stay silent? 

It's because of what is happening to Ms. Heard. 

When you tell your story, the abuser will mock you, humiliate you and blame you just to take the focus off of his (or her) bad behavior.  The abuser will go on a smear campaign and shout you down with their filth so you can't speak. 

You will look off into the distance (it's a trauma response). 

The abuser will mock you, try to humiliate you, and joke around. 

Do you want to know who the abuser is? 

It's the one doing the mocking. 

That isn't Ms. Heard. 

I pray this bullshit is over soon.  I tire of comforting abused people in public places worried that no one will believe them. 

As a child of the 80's, I hate to think that this is Mr. Johnny Depp's legacy to the world. 

If this goes on past Monday, I'll do a ritual to Artemis to protect Ms. Heard and the other women being tormented in court by their abusers. 

I was lucky.  Mine only sued me to get out of supporting his kids.  He continued with the court theatrics until he lost his temper in court one too many times and finally showed the judges what was going on.  

Abusers never take responsibility for their piss poor behavior. 

This court case is disturbing in soo many ways.  It seems that the public hasn't learned very much about domestic violence and believing victims. 

Sad to say, this disturbing exercise in gaslighting a victim of domestic violence publicly will only put male victims of domestic violence in a worse spot.  

Love ya, 

S. 

Family Secrets

 

Today I am irritated by libtards who don't know how to read scientific journals; 

even those libards I brought into the world. 

So - 

today I learned that one of my daughters took her younger sisters to get the Covid vaccines without telling me. 

Knowing that one is heading out of town for college and that the other will soon enter the world of work, I sat them down to talk to them about getting the vaccines. 

I'm reviewing the research with them.  The latest research out of Denmark suggests that the Novavax (AstraZeneca) vaccine is safer for young people than Pfizer or Moderna MRNA vaccines. 

That was when the two youngest girls imformed me that their twenty-two-year-old sister snuck them out of the house and had them vaccinated in the early days of the pandemic. 

Crap - 

this was around the time my daughter had a life-threatening allergic reaction.  She was sent to the hospital in an ambulance.  I was told she nearly died. We have epi-pens all over the place. The doctors could never isolate the culprit. 

Damn indoctrinators!! 

It's bizarre - the same people saying 'my body my choice' when it comes to abortion won't give parents enough time to follow the research before scaring kids into making life-altering decisions without the consent of their parents. 

Shoot - 

The now twenty-two-year-old went silent last year and refuses to talk to me. 

That's okay, it's her loss.  I'm not spending $15,000 a year supporting her if she's doing it on her own. 

Every kid needs time to soar.  I figured it was a case of someone saying stupid shit to get out of an arrangement that kept her from living life on her own terms.  Now, I'm thinking the problem was guilt. 

Damn - I really wish she hadn't gone behind my back before the research became available. 

I had to spend an hour after each of my vaccines in the care of the hospital due to allergic reactions.  I experienced syncope twice.  I had two accidents after my first vaccine (slipping a work and damaging my right knee and spilling 1ounce of industrial glue on my mid-section, private parts, and legs).  For days after the second vaccine, I had trouble with my language and cognition (even failing a class I've taken three times in the past ten years and forgetting my name) and fell resulting in a broken right ankle which was never treated outside of an emergency room visit due to the shut-down.  Both of my legs are now swollen and gnarly looking.  Exercise is painful so I'm slowly gaining weight.  I've put on an additional 20 pounds in the past year. 

It was something I was hoping to spare my kiddos. 

At least I'll be sitting pretty during the upcoming food shortage.  I'm working on planting a garden to help my neighbors should the worst come to pass. 

Don't trust your government, especially if the propaganda is in favor of corporate interests. 

Remember the early 90's?  Remember those hearings about nicotine and the insistence of some southern politicians that it was not addictive and that it had no links to lung cancer? 

I don't trust the government.  I got the shot because I work with people who have compromised immune systems.  It was the lesser of two evils. 

We are still living in an environment where there are limited resources and not enough vaccines to go around.  It was prudent then to wait and save the doses for those over 70 who were in more need than people who were less likely to die of the disease. 

People in other countries are still waiting for their jabs. I'm not planning on getting a booster. 

There is new research showing that people with severe allergies rarely get Covid (original research here)  Why put myself through that when I can save a dose for someone else who needs it? 

Young people, those who were relegated at home, and those who could survive the illness are less of a priority.  I can't believe my middle kiddo was so scared she snuck her kid sisters out of the house for the vaccines. 

Sigh - 

at least I know now where the allergic reaction came from and why doctors cannot find the source.  My daughter never told them she had the vaccine. 

Perhaps it's time for an appointment with her primary care.  

Don't hide stuff from your mother.  More importantly, don't hide stuff from your doctors. 

Now, the conversation has to shift to protecting their cardiovascular system (no more hamburgers or french fries), immune system, and be on alert for symptoms of appendicitis.  

Here is the latest study from Denmark.  It has not been peer-reviewed yet (but....in this political climate, I wouldn't trust that it would stay up given the corporate interests). 

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4072489

If the study has been removed, leave me a comment and I'll Dropbox it and put up a link.  Rumor has it that the research was suspended upon the initial findings.  They are enough to give anyone reason to pause. 

Here is a nice interview with one of the primary researchers: 

Take care of yourself.  

Love ya, 

S. 

Political Parties lead to Blackmail

 

Today I am thankful this prude wields the purple and black flag. 

Take heed aspiring politicians:

There is a reason politicos invite each other to orgies and drug parties: it's a way to get dirt on each other to force politicians to vote a certain way.  It's the start of a blackmail campaign.  When that doesn't work, they sick code enforcement on you, engage in silly calls to the cops, and break into your house in the middle of the night. 

 Oh, I forgot about the 8-hour deposition, that was fun.  Wanna scare lawyers?  Study covert hypnosis and when they ask what you do for a living, tell them that you secretly hypnotize people to meet their goals. That was the most trickster fun I've had in my life! 

Sexual invitations even happen in local governments. 

Someone tried to get this asexual to partake when she was aspiring to run for city council back in 2011.

Guess what she said? 

NOPE - 

that's my favorite word. 

I wish more politicians would say that word more often. 

The person wielding the invitation is lucky this addiction counselor didn't try to educate him on the role of neurotransmitters in addiction and how certain drugs and intimate activities mess with the chemical workings of the brain.  

I would have bored him to DEATH! 

I mean....literal death. 

Life is too short to risk the inability to feel pleasure on a stupid, meaningless escapade with slimy people.  

Love ya, 

S. 

Feelin' Policially Preachy

 

"Government is not the solution to our problem, government is the problem." 

- Ronald Reagan

Today I am thankful for an insight I've been preaching for twelve years:

 It's just a shame few people listen. 

Okay, everyone....

Listen up - 

the government that can grant you a right has the power to take that right away. 

If the government can give you the right to marry, it can take it away. 

This is why I believe the government should be out of the marriage business.  Marriage licenses came about because racists did not want white women marrying black men.  Without government interference, there would not have been that disgusting Jim Crow era.  Yes, Virginia, asshat politicians pushed racism.  That's not to mention the problem of governments engaging in fourth amendment violations of anyone who isn't white, sometimes with fatal consequences.  Where I live, they fired a police chief for daring to stop the carnage.

The government used to push homophobia. 

Now people are worried about the pendulum swinging the other way. 

The answer - get the government out of marriage! 

We also need to reduce the number of traffic stops by getting rid of victimless crimes.  If your behavior doesn't harm a soul, except yourself, it shouldn't be illegal.  

No victim ought to equal no crime. 

If the government can give you the right to get a job, 

to get welfare, 

to have healthcare, 

even to have an abortion

the government can take it away with a change in political weather. 

This is true of any right. 

We are seeing it now with healthcare and the abortion debate.  This is why I do not believe the government should be involved in healthcare.  Just look at what the Affordable Care Act did!  Few people I know see the doctor anymore. 

As an aside, have you noticed the trend in the last decade of politicians naming their bills the opposite of their intended applications? The ACA was intended to make healthcare so unaffordable that people would cry out for the government to take over.  

Maybe I should find more bills and make fun of their names in a future post. 

We are seeing that in the new abortion fury from the leaked Supreme Court memo.  As someone who had a complicated and life-threatening pregnancy in young adulthood, I absolutely believe that abortion should be between a woman and her doctor. 

The best government is small.  Hopefully, more people will hop on the limited government bandwagon. 

The scary thought is what the government will take from you should it pass any form of universal basic income.  If the government pays us, it will want compensation in our freedom.  

They haven't even given us anything and they're starting a ministry of disinformation. 

Beware. 

Love ya lots, 

S. 

** Gotta buy a puke green cheap bass to name Mike so I can slap it around A LOT - I'm pretty disgusted at the RINO mayor in Aurora and the lib-tard mayor in Denver.  I hate Hohner basses.  They sound almost as cheesy as that asshats pretending to have all the answers. 

 On the bright side, I play slap bass so much now, I don't feel pain in my right fingers.  People gasp when I grab things out of the oven without mits.  I probably shouldn't do that but it's a fun party trick.