A Kind Word

Today I am thankful that I have something nice to say about a judge.

Two months ago, an Arapahoe County judge allowed my ex to stay with me for another 60 days.

I'd been trying to get away from this guy since 2008.  He was court ordered to move out on October 21, 2013.

He never moved out despite my asking him to leave.

He would make excuses and he'd give a move out date.  Those move out dates would come and go without change.

I could not force him out of the house because I only had my divorce settlement giving me sole possession of the house.  I did not have an order forcing him out.

I either needed him to leave on his own or I needed an order of eviction.

After more than three years of games, he finally moved out on Friday.

I changed the locks.

We had a hearing today.

My ex didn't show up.

I was awarded thousands of dollars that I'll never see.

That money can be used as leverage to keep his stalkerish family away from me.

If they bother me, I can aggressively pursue collection of the judgements.

If they leave me alone, I can be more leisurely about it.

*****
The judge thought of something that the sheriff told me to do.

I had forgotten it.

The judge amended the agreement to state that Michael could only come into my home with my consent

-or-

with an escort of a sheriff to pick up his things.

The warrant that was issued for his arrest was stayed for 30 or so days.

That means, I don't have to worry about him being arrested and his family coming at me to punish me.

Way to go, Judge!

*****
I'm still frustrated that judges don't understand domestic violence.  They do see things I don't think about. I'll keep that in mind when I start ranting.

Love ya,

S.

Redhead Porn

Today I am thankful my daughters are not redheads.

My adult children were cleaning out their father's room.  He had many of the eldest daughter's things in that room; her jewelry, her furniture and her high school yearbooks.

She and the eighteen year old went inside to retrieve her things to take back to the house she bought a few years ago. 

They came out with Porn; porn of redheaded succubi.


I don't know what to think about it.

Is it a sign of love that your ex has stacks of magazines and movies of younger women who resemble you?

Or is it insulting that the kids found it?

I'm a little sad.  At least none of my daughters have the ginger gene.

*****

I'm a little disgusted.

Maybe.....those magazines have nothing to do with me.

Maybe he just likes redheads.

Who knows?

I need to burn those damn things in the fireplace.

*****

Speaking of hair color, I thought I should mention that the herb Foti is darkening my hair.

It's almost burgundy now.  The gray is fading into darkness.

Interesting......I only mention this in case someone wants to try it. 

Now, if only I could find an herb that keeps me from curiously reading old newpapers describing other mall attacks on December 27th of recent years, I'd be okay.

What we witnessed yesterday has happened before, exactly one year previously.

I didn't need to know that.

How does one cure curiosity?

I could probably go with a chemical lobotomy, huh?

Thorazine anyone?

Love ya,

S.

Stupid Cops: There is Such a Thing as Self-Control

Today I am thankful I was late to a movie: I think I missed the worst of a crisis situation.

I hate Century 16. 

It's the theater James Holmes shot up on a hot July day.

Century 16 is an anti-gun theater.  They have signs posted that forbid citizens from concealed carry.  The business owners can do whatever the heck they want to do.  I have (hopefully had) a stalker.  I had to do what kept me safe.  I avoided the place.

Of course, in the real world, homicidal maniacs don't typically obey posted signage. 

I thought I'd give the theater a second chance after they said they would not collect attorney fees from the victims who unsuccessfully sued them for their anti-gun stance.

That was the worst $36.00 I've spent on Fandango.

I'm never going back to that theater. 

I promised to take my kiddos to the 6:20 showing of Rogue One.

I was at a mall, hoping to get my children something to eat before the movie started.

I never made it into the mall.  My children and I still got an eyeful.

http://kdvr.com/2016/12/26/aurora-mall-evacuated-after-large-disturbance/

I saw a young black female thrown to the ground by a cop.

It had better not be an Aurora officer.  I love  most Aurora cops.  I've seen some behavior though that I do not approve of, behavior that the city officials and lawyers excused. 

I'm not thrilled about the officer that arrested a rape victim for saying a word that meant vagina. She beat and arrested a woman for saying the word cunt.  The charge was "verbal abuse of an officer."

 I'm sorry....someone grabs my cunt, I'm gonna use that word.  Any cop who arrests a woman for saying that word because it hurts her feelings is a tax wasting pussy (the word pussy is not the insult there).  As hard as it is for a woman to call another woman a pussy, it's harder to realize that there really is no word strong enough for a cop who arrests a rape victim for describing her attack because she finds a word offensive. 

It could be that the cop was a rape victim treated poorly by the military.  I think she was the latter.

It doesn't matter. 

False arrest and malicious prosecution steal funds from taxpayers.  It costs the police officers the trust of the people.  Losing the trust of the people will cost police officers and city officials a heck of a lot more in the long run.

Of course, Aurora cops don't take stalking reports.  Last week, when I told an Aurora dispatcher I had trouble seeing in the dark, she wanted detailed physical descriptions of two people in front of my house fighting over a parking spot. Umm...what part of "I can't see in the dark" did she not understand?

Sigh...

It's a comedy of errors. 

I was rear-ended not too long ago.  I let the other driver go because I feared she'd get shot by the cops.

That's what cities lose.  They lose revenue.  When I was rear ended, there were a lot of police shootings in the news.  People of color are a little nervous.  It wasn't worth it to call the police. 

Today was worse. 

My daughter saw another woman being dragged by her hair by a cop.

The Mayor needs explain what the hell happened that warranted that type of abuse of kids.

The news is staying mum.

Did those kids have guns?

Why are they being beaten and dragged?

There needs to be an explanation.

So far, there isn't one.

Heads up.....there needs to be a REAL explanation.

I predict a few lawsuits. 

*****
I've lived a few dark years.

I've tried to get into the mind of creeps.

If I were a terrorist,

I'd cause a disturbance to lure as many cops to one location as I could....

then I'd pull some stupid stunt across town.

Right now, at the time of this writing, we have too many of our cops in one location.

I've decided not to spend any more money in Aurora or Denver tonight.  I'll buy our supper in Parker. 

I think it's safer there tonight.  Parker's cops aren't in Aurora. 

I wouldn't put it past a terrorist to do something stupid here or in Denver.

I have a word of warning for the higher ups:

Think things through before you react.

Never put all of  your eggs in one basket.

The name Aurora is certainly fitting; the Pagans believe that the goddess Aurora didn't think things through, either (Google Aurora, Circada).

I've got to go calm down some kids who saw too much today.

The youngest is crying.

Damn you stupid abusive cops....what's your mantra?

Is it...

if it moves, drag it buy the hair and beat it?

You've got to improve your image.  The few assholes are making the rest of you look bad. 

I just saw a news flash that said that Denver cops were on the scene.

That could explain the dragging crap....

A word of warning to Aurora cops -

be mindful with whom you associate,

you don't want Denver's Police brutality shit to stick to you.

Damn.....

Edit: Now the news is reporting that this was something set up on the Internet and that many locations across the nation were involved.

Again...pay attention....

If this were a nationwide incident...

Why weren't the police aware of the chatter?

Hindsight is 20/20.

I can't fault them for not being psychic.

I can ask...

Who is behind this?

Who is watching?

Who is to say that this wasn't a practice run?

The next time there may be a second incident while the officers are busy at the mall.

It's been years since I've bought anything at that mall.  I probably will never visit it again. 

******
I've been accused of being a conspiracy theorist before.

It's only a theory until it is proven.

Conspiracies happen all the time!

******
Remember...

the children who were harassed today

will be the taxpayers of tomorrow.

Would I have fought tax hikes if Denver's bike cops James and Miller hadn't thrown me to the ground on a June day in 1987?

Probably not......

I never told anyone what happened when I tried to report the pushy cops.  Let's just say, that was a lesson in the need for transparency.

Many government officials and employees are not held accountable for their behavior.  That's probably why I woke up when an Aurora Tax Audit Supervisor stole $500 from my family because my ex husband had a Sudoko book on his desk.  I never really got a straight answer from the city.  They took the money for a variety of reasons and put it in this woman's travel fund. 

What they did was wrong.  Having the Assistant City Attorney taunt me over it was stupid.

It took me too long to realize why I was pissed.  I've long been at the mercy of government officials who were not accountable for anyone.  I started that journey as a foster child.

Some government employees are untouchable. 

They shouldn't be.

It's sad. 

*******

Respect must go all around.

City officers ought to behave

or they'll pay the price later.

Teenagers grow up. 

How do you want them to think of you when they're at the ballot box deciding on a funding initiative?

How do you think that young lady thrown to the ground will vote in just a few years? 

I'll try to post the pics we took today if I can post them.  There were a lot of cops there. 

NEXT DAY EDIT:

This is interesting: http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/kentucky-s-mall-st-matthews-shuts-down-after-brawls-involving-n486341

The same thing happened exactly one year ago.

Who is behind it? 

Why?

Silent Nights

Tonight I am thankful for the lack of drama.....

and sleep.

I am really thankful for sleep.

I forgot how much I missed my herbal tea at night.  The bad situation caused me to retreat to my bedroom or hide out in my car.

The little rituals that made me happy went by the wayside - things like working out and sipping damania tea....I haven't done those things since my ex lost his job and spent nearly every hour of every day in this house.

I hadn't done these things in over a year.

****

Life if peaceful.

I'm getting about seven hours of sleep now.

I still have nightmares. They're not nearly as scary as they used to be.  Now they typically involve my ex-husband digging up the front yard to grab things he's hidden from me during the divorce.

That betrays my subconscious belief that he's hiding crap -or- that he's digging his own grave.

He never said good-bye to the kids.

One is hurt.  The other two are pissed.

I don't know what to do.  I convinced one of the kids to buy their father a Christmas gift.  The others....they won't. 

The eldest is coming to visit tomorrow.  She hasn't stepped foot in this house since the divorce was final.

******

I haven't worn dresses for a few years since the mess on the leg incident in 2012. 

My sister noticed.  She bought me a red dress.  It's four sizes too small.  I used to be a size 8.  I'm a 12 now.

I've gained twenty pounds.

So....I've been cleaning the house so I can get to my workout equipment.

I don't know how long it will take me to get over my fear of wearing dresses.

Change happens one day at a time.

It's strange what this situation has stolen from my personality.

*****

I've spent the past day with the girls cleaning the house.  He left so much stuff here, much of it broken.  I don't know what to save for him or throw away. 

I don't know if it is even my place to save his things.  Some of them seem valuable (like his comic book collection).  Some of it seems silly to keep (like his mid-nineties pocket computer w/ the broken installation disk).

I found a reproduction of his parents' wedding photo.  He needs to keep that, doesn't he?

*****

I'm in the process of getting the information and artwork off of the computer that was smashed last April.  My daughter is helping me hook it up to another computer to see what I can save.

I managed to log back into my Facebook account after ten months.  I was terrified of being hacked again.

I used a tablet.

I had several messages waiting.  A guy from high school wrote to ask where I was.  He lives four blocks from me.  I haven't seen him around town but that could be because I've spent much of the past year running away from home.

One of my favorite authors wrote to me a few months back asking if he could be of support to me.

That made me cry.

I need to get my bearings before I can go back to being in the spotlight again.

I've got so much to pay forward now.

******
I do feel a little guilty.

I've asked this guy to move out every day for over three years.

He chose to move out on 23rd of December.

He complained about having to be alone over the holidays.

My adult daughter chastised me a little bit today.  She said that she refuses to be in a relationship with people who have baggage.  My ex would complain that I shouldn't blame him for his family's harassment of me.

It's their problem.  He claims to have nothing to do with it, therefore, I should have ignored it and allowed him to stay.

He didn't want to deal with their abuses.

He fed into it.

My daughter said that this is baggage.  It is hard to deal with people whose personal life impinges on your freedom.  It's okay to leave people like that.

She's right.

I shouldn't let it get to me.

*****

No matter where life finds you,

I hope your holidays are happy and peaceful.

May you make new friends and discover that your friends treat you like family.

It's a beautiful feeling.

Love ya,

S.

Keys and Garage Door Openers

Today I am thankful that my keys have been returned and I finally have both garage door openers.

He left most of his stuff here.

His clothes are still piled on my exercise equipment.  I miss working out. 

I'm going to have to get rid of them.

He did not say goodbye to the kids.

He handed my keys to my eldest daughter.

She said he was angry.

The locks have been changed.

*****

I'm at peace.

I am concerned.  I've received an email where he is threatening not to cooperate with the court.

That won't bode well for him.

That's not my problem.

*****
When you're a psychotherapist, the Gods send you the clients you need.

I'm seeing a lot of people who can't seem to get away from their exes.

It's interesting the things I ask them.

It's interesting the things my clients teach me.

One woman was talking about loving her ex.

She dreams of him.

She misses him.

She worries for him.

She doesn't want him.  She just wants what they had together.

That speaks to me.  Maybe.....that's what I've been trying to do for the past 30 years.

I've probably been trying to recreate the closeness of that first relationship.

I've failed miserably.

The problem is that the first relationship was not supposed to be a relationship.

It was a friendship that shifted.

So maybe....I need to make new friends.

I'm hoping that I've cleared a little space in my life to do just that.

May you find what you long for and live in peace,

S.

The Perils of Being a Poor Recording Artist

Today I am thankful for sound proof foam.

I realize that I need more of it.

My makeshift recording studio is in my bedroom.  I used to record in my basement but my ex lives there.

I had to put it in my room.

I'm using quilts and a makeshift eggcrate foam filled box for my microphone to record my vocals in now. 

It's a little uncomfortable.  I can't project my voice doing that.

I just don't want to mount black foam on my bedroom walls.

What would people think?

It would look like I'm more exciting than I really am. 

So....no.

I use a cheap Yeti microphone now. 

That sucker picks up everything.

My neighbors got into it today.

I could hear every single word on the recording.

It was supposed to be a meditation recording.

Upon playback, I heard....

Make yourself comfortable......

"Don't touch my car!!"

Close your eyes now......

"Help!! Help!!:

and imagine a safe place......

"Asshole!!"

filled with objects of special significance to you..

"Someone Call the Cops NOW!"

This went on for a good ten minutes. So I called the cops.

I went outside with the dispatcher on the line to see what the fuss was about. 

Well....I live next to a rental property.

There must be two or three families living in this three bedroom house.  They have seven or so cars and two motorcycles. 

They were arguing over a parking space!!!

Um.....I think they are too young to understand housing codes.  It won't be long before another one of my neighbors calls Code Enforcement. 

They used to park and partially block my driveway.  It didn't bug me when they did that because it kept Mike's family from parking in such a manner as to impede my ability to leave the house.

When they saw what a poor driver I am, they stopped parking near my vehicle.

So....I'm off to bed realizing that I have to shelve my recording project another day.

No one can relax to the non-ambient sounds of people cursing and fighting.

******

The 911 dispatcher was strange.

I told her that I was having trouble with my eyes.  For some reason, my asthma is o bad now that I am having trouble breathing in the cold air.

I know....I have an inhaler.  I have no clue how to use it. 

I'm having trouble seeing in the dark. I think I have an eye infection.

Upon hearing that, she wanted me to give in depth descriptions of the vehicles and all five of the people involved in the dispute.

I was outside and couldn't breathe.

I definitely could not give her the detailed descriptions of all of the vehicles.  I'm not sure if the woman involved in the argument lives at that address or if she is dating one of guys - her vehicles is one that I have not seen before.

They should be careful.  I'm sure they are breaking city code just by having so many tenants and cars.

It's probably incredibly stupid that they call attention to themselves. 

I told the dispatcher to forget it.  I can't see.  I can't breathe.  If they could not send an officer down to handle the dispute it wasn't worth the effort.

The sad thing is that I have their dispute on tape. 

I'll record over it tomorrow.

People are weird....very weird.

Love ya lots,

S.

Exhaustion

Today I am thankful for exhaustion: Perhaps I'll get more than four hours of sleep tonight.

It's been a crazy couple of days.

I had several recording products to finish for clients.  I had forgotten that the computer in my studio was smashed.  So, I had to scramble to get the software on my new computer.

Much of my software doesn't work well with the newer computers.

I need to buy a used older model.

*****

They say the Gods (or the God and/or the Universe) sends you people you need.

Yesterday I spent two hours consoling a woman from Broomfield who was raked over the coals in divorce court by her abusive ex.  Her story sounds a lot like mine.

I'm not the only one.

I'm realizing that this is a systemic problem.  Now, I'm pondering how to broach this topic without embarrassing the judges behaving this way.

I did not tell her what was going on with me.  I taught her a couple of NLP stress management tips and sent her on her way.

It was the least I could do.

*****

Last night, I became frustrated when I realized my recordings were not going to be finished in a timely manner.

I mentioned how upset I was that things around the house get broken. I told Michael that I need to understand what is going on for my mental health.  On some level, I believe that if I know what other people want, I can make it a win-win situation.

I asked what he was planning on doing.  He became upset, stomped off and told me he'd move out on Tuesday.

It's 10:00 p.m. on Tuesday.  He's still here.

I don't understand what is going on. 

It makes me sad.

******

There are a lot of other things going on but I'm too exhausted

I don't know what to share except that some things don't change and the civil judicial system doesn't understand domestic violence and control.

I wish I could change this. 

Love ya,

S.

Edit: It's Wednesday night and he's still here. 

I wonder why? 

Family Law Farce

Today I am thankful that I realize I'm in a hopeless situation:

The realization will keep me from wasting my energy fighting a losing battle.

My ex is still here.  It's the same as it has always been.  He gives me a move out date and it comes and goes without any action. 

He hasn't packed a box.

He told the teenager that he'd be back at home at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow night.

He's not moving out.

He lied to me.

I'm sure it's because the family court judge gave him 60 days in my home.  The judge said he could stay until December 28th.  The judge didn't tell him he had to leave.  The judge said he had to have a plan by December 28th. 

Sigh.....

He's going to milk it for all its worth.

I'm beginning to doubt the judge can do anything.

This is probably why people play games in family court.  Judges are clueless.  The games wear on and on.

I'm trapped in hell with my ex-husband.

I wish I believed in Hoodoo. 

I'll bitch to my friend just in case her little dollies can help out.

I'm also going to share my story with my legislator frenimies.  I know they can do a thing or two about this.  Other people are probably enduring the same crap. 

If I can spare one other person this hell, it'll be worth it.

It's not a free country when you're forced to live with your stalkerish ex three years after the divorce is final. 

I really need to change the locks!  I bought them over six months ago.  I'm tired of the locks breaking. 

I guess I need to cope with the panic attacks a little longer. 

I'm a prisoner. 

Love ya,

S. 

Control is Hard to Understand

Today I am thankful for insight.

It's Saturday.

Upon learning that the City of Aurora has paid two months rent for my ex and that he could move into his new place at any time, I demanded that my ex move out immediately.  I told him I wanted him out by midnight.

That was Wednesday morning around 7:00 a.m.

I hate it when people waste taxpayer money.  I'm not thrilled the city is housing stalkers and domestic abusers while letting domestic violence victims be turned away by the shelter.  I've met a few women escaping violence living by the fence of Cherry Creek State Park.

They were living there before Aurora cops harassed them out of the area.  That is state property, I don't understand how local cops can take control of Colorado property.  It must be some type of crazy agreement they have with the State.  If I weren't so stressed, I'd look into it.

Even the local politicians have control issues. 

I pray the women are not there today.  The high will only be seven degrees.

*****

My ex is still here.

Not one box is packed.  Three years ago, I packed several boxes for him.

He hasn't started to move out yet.

He told me it is because he doesn't want to live alone.  He wants to stay here with me and the kids.

I've heard this before.  I've heard this each and every time he left me due to the crap his family would say about me.  He'd run off for days at a time and leave us alone not knowing what was going to happen.  I'd get a large note promising that he'd change and get into therapy.

He rarely did go to therapy.  When he did, it wouldn't last very long.  He'd come home and tell me that the therapist wanted me to change my behavior.  I wasn't supposed to talk to him in the car.  I wasn't supposed to talk to him in the morning.  I wasn't supposed to talk to him after work.  He needs time to himself.  I need to respect that.

Then he'd quit therapy.

This time, I don't think he quit.  I think he either lied to his therapist -or- his therapist is inept.  It's still the same.  He says that he tells the therapist that his family stalks me (or us) and that the therapist won't help him come up with a safety plan.  My ex is the victim of his family.  There has been no referral to a abuser's group.  I just have to put up or shut up until he's ready to move out.

I'm not a big fan of Aurora Mental Health or Gateway Battered Women's Shelter.  When I speak to people, I offer other resources to them. The county resources tend to be better.

That therapist helped this guy justify staying here this long.  It's wrong.

Anyway, each and every time he'd leave me, he'd come back and say that he doesn't want to live alone.  During our divorce mediation, after I was led out of the room so he and the mediator could hammer out an agreement, he said the same thing.

The mediator put in a clause allowing him access to my home on holidays.

I had been yelled at prior to the meeting, so I would have signed anything they put in front of my nose.

That was nearly three and a half years ago.

******
This is what I do not understand.

In 2001 and again in 2011, I told him that if we could get individual counseling and then marital counseling, I would hold off on the divorce.

In 2012, after I caught his sister entering the house with a key, I also told him that if we could get away from his stalking family or he could explain to me how they got their information while working with experts to make it stop, he could stay.

He never did these things.  This is why we are divorced.

In fact, he'd rage.  He'd lie about me to people.  Computers have been destroyed (including many meditation recordings made for sale on the Internet that were professionally rendered).  Accounts have been hacked.  Money has gone missing.  His relatives harassed me (nasty emails, blocking me in my driveway, grabbing me on the street, harassing colleagues, professors, friends, landlords, employers and relatives, watching me in public...there's more).  

It's a mess.

Divorce didn't stop it.  The property damage is still happening. The hacking is continuing.

His family isn't bothering me as much since I filed the contempt charge against him.  I've caught my ex trying to tell me that Doug drives a white Ford or a Dodge Ram with a tool box in the back. When Doug last harassed me he drove a White Dodge Ram, without a tool box in the back. I think my ex is trying to change my story so I'm not believable.

This should be over.

I don't understand why I need to continue putting up with this.

I don't understand why this guy is a victim if he didn't try to solve the problem he created in the first place.

He lied to his mother in 1996, telling her I would not let him go to college.  At the time, I was working on getting him a stipend for his education.  He claimed he lied to his mother to get her off of his back because she was hounding him about college.  There was something about her promising to pay for his college education and then reneging on her agreement.  I was trying to get him the funds to make their agreement irrelevant.

This was when his relatives started cornering me in my home, calling constantly and making threats.  His sister also harassed my graduate school professors. At the time, I didn't know why his family was so angry.  Michael admitted to this lie in 2008.  For years, I couldn't understand why they didn't want me in school.

It's hard to believe that one lie can cause so some damage! 

I wonder what else he told them?  His maternal uncle once saw me outside of a church in 2010.  He came within inches of my face and glared at me before spinning on his heels and walking off.  What in the world would make John act like that?

These are the things that scare me.  I just want to get away from it.

As far back as 1992, I was threatened by people I never met (who look like Doug), following me around in my car, approaching me in the front yard, breaking into the house, leaving weird messages for my employer and landlords.  It even cost me an internship.  It's hard to look back on how much the intrusions have cost me.

Almost every aspect of my life has been touched by this stalking nonsense. It is still going on. 

Yesterday, I arrived to my office and someone had unlocked the door.  Nothing was disturbed. 

I'd better tell my landlord.  This is the second time this has happened this month.

I'm tired of it.

*******
The question of the day is 'Why'?

Why do people behave like this?

Why do they act like assholes thinking they'll get something out of it?  I just want to get them away from me.

My ex claims he wants to stay here but he never wanted to deal with the stalking.

If one truly wants something, why wouldn't he do what it took to get it?

If he doesn't want to live alone, why would he push me so hard that I am too afraid to let him live with me?

It would seem like the stalking is more important to him than living in this house.

It has to boil down to control.  The stalking gave him a lot of control over my life.  It is probably too hard to give that up. He's probably going to stay here until the morning of the 28th. 

That's the day we go to court.

Control....it really does not make sense. 

It's a lot to think about.

******
I only have two tidbits of information to takeaway from the therapy I've had in the past 24 years.  These things ring true in the advice my psych professor gave after an interaction with my sister-in-law. 

• Get away from crazy makers.
• Ignore stalkers.

It can be hard to get away from crazy makers.  When some are rejected, they turn to stalking.

Ignoring stalking is hard to do.  When you ignore stalkers, they threaten to go after people you love to get your attention. 

I could ignore them up to that point.  I even ignored it when they threatened to visit my high school sweetheart's mother and give her things her son gave me.  I mean...really....what are the odds they know her name?  They certainly didn't know where she lived.  Could they?

That's insane!!

The threat is that one of the relatives dated this woman's neighbor.  That's how they knew where she lived.

I got rid of everything from my past.  Hopefully that was just stupid talk.  The local cops didn't take it seriously. They didn't even want to take a report when Doug hassled our billing clerk at my office.

I just moved my business out of the area, hoping it would stop.

I think of all the energy wasted on death threats, suicide threats and other mayhem, I just want to walk away from it all.

That's what I thought the divorce was.

I guess not.

*****

I don't know.  I guess I'll just stay silent.  Make recordings for my clients and do some Christmas shopping.

That'll keep my mind off the nonsense.

It'll be nice to sleep a full night without waking up at some random noise outside.  It'll be nice not having to sleep with pepper spray and various protection gear.

I want my life back.

Love ya,

S.

Sunday morning edit:  Well...it looks like I was duped again.  He's not moving out. 

I'm at a loss as to how to get away now. 

On the bright side, this probably means that he lied about the City of Aurora paying for his rent.  So I guess I don't have to worry about stopping the practice of rewarding domestic abusers with our tax dollars.  

I guess there is a silver lining there, huh?

Today, a local news channel profiled the stories of women killed by their abusers because the local police refused to take police reports.

My ex wanted to watch it.

I couldn't.  This shit happens far too much.  The police aren't there for victims of family violence, be they men or women.  The courts aren't here for us. We are on our own.

This is why I support the second amendment. 

I hate guns.  I grew up with an Arsehole that liked to play Russian Roulette.  He nearly killed my sister with that game before he shot himself - on December 26, 1986.

I hate guns.  I hate Christmas.

I've learned to tolerate both.  Guns are a necessary evil.  I am responsible for my own protection and the protection of my children.  No one else gives a damn.

The cops don't care.  Judges don't care.

It's a fact of life I had to come to terms with.

Please do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your loved ones.  Avoid the crazies and stay safe out there!

Love ya,

S.

Lessons I Keep Repeating

Today I am thankful for lessons.

They say if you need to learn a lesson, you'll keep living in hellish circumstances until you change your behavior as a result of learning that lesson.

I'm reminded today

Don't try to out cray the crazy.

Don't try to out manipulate a manipulator.

Just get the hell out of their line of sight.


Love ya,

S. 

The Promise

Today I am thankful that my ex promised to move out this weekend.

He asked for more gas money.  I gladly bought him a $25 Citgo gas card.  I spend more for his gasoline than I spend for my own.

I am still thinking that he's not thinking ahead.  He says he has a shot at a good paying job.

He'll need a haircut.

He'll need money for gas to get to the job interviews.

He'll need money for auto insurance.  I'll have to remove him from my policy the day he moves out.

I don't know the line between helping and enabling.

I'm not sure what I should do.

I'll let my lawyer know.

I'll be more forgiving to the judge, if my ex follows through.  I will still go to my lawmaker frenemies on the Judicial Committee to explain what happened and suggest that judges be mandated to pay for domestic violence training.

If I were still Libertarian, I'd vie for a run at the house.  It's not worth sacrificing my faith.  No matter, I can get more done if I work behind the scenes.

To hope and happiness,

S.

I know the song I posted seems inappropriate.  I can finally clean the house, repaint the walls, get rid of the mice and the mold, drag my last bass from it's hiding spot and keep it out to play, change my locks, have parties and get on with my life.

It's sad that I'm happy.  This took too long.  It would be one thing if he wanted to try to stop the stalking.  He won't.  He won't explain it.  He won't take steps to put a stop to it.  There are times when he gives me misinformation about it.

I'm happy that it could finally be over.

I'm actually smiling. 

Thank goodness. 

Captains, Ships and Curses

Today I am thankful for the delusion that I'm a witch with 465 or so djinn.

It's just a delusion.

A fun one.

At least, I think it's a delusion.

So.....let me be blunt

The Denver Police Department are stealing blankets from homeless people on cold nights....

claiming that the blankets are evidence.

Oh really....

It's a shame I don't watch T.V. 

I heard it from the mouth of a homeless man.

A quick Google search proved it to be the truth.

So....

This puts me in mind of Hitler.

Hitler gave orders.

People followed them.

Commanders gave orders.

People followed them.

These mindless drones engaged in the slaughter of millions of innocent people.

The mindless drones who were caught were charged with war crimes.

I'm not too happy with the Denver cops.

I threw away the invite to donate to their toys for kids program this year.

Behave and you'll get what little money I have.

Harass the poor....well...you've lost my trust.

I'm not nice when you've lost my trust.

If police unions in other jurisdictions are staying silent on the matter, they're complacent.  In other words, don't ask for a tax hike until you grow your collective spine and speak up.

Cops aren't looking good as it is.  Why let this band of idiots make the image problem worse?

Your Denver brethren make you look evil.  That's not good, is it?

I don't blame the cops in the video I saw.

I blame the mayor.  I blame the city council.  I blame the police chief.

Maybe I'll play around a bit.

I've decided to drink my ceremonial wine.

I've lit my sulfur.

I've lit my black candles. 

I'm ready to make a few wishes.

MAY MAYOR HANCOCK, EACH MEMBER OF THE DENVER CITY COUNCIL AND THE DENVER POLICE CHIEF LOSE THREE THINGS OF EQUAL PERSONAL VALUE AS THOSE BLANKETS AND TENTS WERE TO THE PEOPLE THEY ORDERED THEM STOLEN FROM.

SO MOTE IT BE.

We'll see.

Maybe Demonic vessels need to charge in the full moonlight for them to work.

It's a fun experiment.

I don't see what makes the lives of politicians more valuable than the lives of the homeless.

I'm just a delusional witch.  Maybe the isolation from the stalking is beginning to get to me. The government forced me to live in this situation.  My anger is steered in the right direction.
-
I'm not sure what is more delusional; the assertion that I have djinn -or- the belief that stealing blankets from the homeless serves and protects the citizens of Denver.

I don't know what religion these assholes claim but I'm sure their Gods can't be too pleased with their crap either.

They need to backpedal....quickly.

In the stories of the Bible, Moses cursed those who enslaved his people and stood by while his people were being killed.  In Pagan stories, the Gods often show up as homeless drifters to test who has empathy and compassion for those with little.  People without compassion were punished while those who shared their gifts found those gifts multiplied.

Maybe these so-called leaders are Atheists and don't give a damn what the Gods think.  Okay, here is something more frightening for them to consider.

People are pissed.  I've not met one person who sees the utility of stealing blankets from the poor.

They are pissing off the electorate. 

It's not a wise thing to do unless they want to lose their political careers.

Why am I cursing the city council, the mayor and the police chief?

Captains go down with their ships. 

Yeah.....maybe there is nothing to this hoodoo.  Maybe the demon in the volcanic rock I'm holding isn't real.

My anger is real.

I'm not alone. 

Hell hath no fury like a pissed off electorate. I need to find more people just like me to take on this
challenge.

We are not a free country if a cop can steal our shelter.  I wish the Anarchists weren't a lazy bunch of inactive people - they'd be the perfect people to explain it to Denver's so called leadership.

Denver needs to do more than stop taking the blankets and tents.  They need to repeal the homeless camping ban. 

In the meantime, I'm going to drift off to dreams of chilly council members, mayors and police chiefs.  If there is such a thing as karmic justice, their furnaces will quit working.

Love ya,

S. 

Wierd Dreams

Today I am thankful for Carl Jung.

When I think of the filthy dreams I've having, it helps to think of Jung.

A shrink may tell me that I have an unconscious urge to be with someone from my past.  Jung, well....he'd say that I'm running from my animus.

I'm running from my power.

So...the past two nights I've had dreams about someone I used to know.  I affectionately refer to him as the Vertigo Instigator.  When I'm near him, I can't decide if I should fall or flee.  I usually just stand there getting dizzy to the point of needing to go to the emergency room.

I now carry Meclizine to my home town when I go to visit with the homeless....just in case...a vertigo attack comes close.

It hasn't been a problem.

Yeah....I avoided the place for years.  Avoidance is stupid.  It's my home. I tend to get drawn into political battles there because I care for my former neighbors.  The population is aging.  They're going to need people like me to pay attention. 

I didn't realize how much I'd been to the grocery store until a young man approached me to ask for a donation to the school.  Apparently, he sees me there a lot so he thought I'd like to buy coupons from local retailers.

Children....they see things we refuse to see.

******

I've had a lot of dreams about Mr. Vertigo.  I push them away.

I've had one....it won't stop.  Perhaps if I understand its meaning, it'll go away.

In this dream, my old friend, invites me to his apartment so I can pick up things from my past. I enjoy spending time with him.  I express curiosity about my high school ring.  I wonder if it looks just like the signet ring I wear.

I'm curious if I can get back in touch with the me from my youth.  I'm more approachable when I'm me.

In the dream, I go.  As I enter the apartment, I am followed by my ex.  Mr. Vertigo notices and has a friend entertain my ex while I follow him into an adjoining room to get my things.

In this room, he gets very close.  Before I know it, he's moving my hand towards an exposed and rigid body part.

I apologize. 

I flee without my things.  

I watch him walk outside with my ex.  There is a beautiful girl with them.  I pray she is Mrs. Vertigo.

*******

Now, I woke up freaking out a little bit. Dreams starring my old friend always make me cry.

That would never happen because....well....because my old friend and I have scruples.

When we were dating, he really wasn't that into me.  I mean, we shared a hotel room at seventeen.  He was a gentleman.

I didn't turn him on....sigh.

Besides...we are civilized.  I know that the mind is more of an aphrodisiac than.....well....jumping right into things.  We can talk the talk; I'm not sure that I have what he needs to walk the walk.

I don't know if I could do that with anyone anymore. 

It takes a woman about seven hours of alone time with a guy before getting to that point for the first time.  It takes me a heck of a lot more time.

I'm not sure that contact five years ago, six years ago or thirty years ago counts towards that seven.  We've had seven hours.  It feels like we have always been friends.  I'm not sure we could have been more.

I'm not what he wants.  If he didn't jump me at seventeen, he isn't going to jump the middle age version of me.

Still...it is unnerving to have dirty dreams of someone you used to know.

*******
This man looks similar to me.  We have the same face.  We have the same hair.  He has blue eyes.  I have green mood eyes that turn to brown if I get angry or stressed.  He has more facial hair - I have two hairs I need to pluck, he's got a whole beard thing going on...

Other than that, we are very similar.

We looked so much alike, our classmates thought he was my brother.

It was creepy when we dated because people thought we were inseparable because we were siblings.

If we were to kiss, people became incredibly confused.

I look just like his mother.  I think it was hard for him to kiss me.

He looks like my father.  It was weird for me, too.

Sooo.....

There are reasons we are not together.  I don't know exactly what they were.  They are there.

********
I justify these dreams, which have come and gone for over thirty years in various forms, with Jungian interpretation.

I am not dreaming of Tom.

I am dreaming of my animus - the masculine part of me that takes action - and works towards achievement.

My animus is not allowed to get rigid or else my ex gets pissed. My power is why I get stalked. Stalking keeps me quiet and weak.  Controlling men are not threatened by weakness. They are threatened by independence and power.

I am holding back. 

I am not whole.  I've split off from my strength.

I'm waiting for my ex to leave to let my animus back in.

I can't keep doing that.

*******
Furthermore, I'm not afraid to go to my hometown for fear of running into Tom.  I'm afraid of getting so riled up due to the pain the citizens are enduring (e.g. homelessness that the community is trying to solve) that my animus is going to take over and make a mess of things.

Without my creativity, my anima, my animus isn't going to solve many problems.

Weird.....

********
I awoke and saw that a Pagan Libertarian friend has been trying to reach me.  He's handsome, smart, kind-hearted, lives 1,000 miles away and is five years my junior.

As much as I'd like to talk to him, I've been hiding from my online contacts due to the stalking and hacking.

Maybe I should get things resolved and call him back this time.

Maybe I need to stop seeing myself as old, ugly and ineffective.

Maybe it's time to stop pulling away from my animus, grab him and get back to being myself.

I need to get it together and become whole again. 

If I do that, maybe the dirty dreams will stop.

Love ya,

S.


Edit five days later:  Okay, so deciding to embrace my masculine side made the dreams stop. The vertigo is still there.  I still have panic attacks at home. 

But, I don't have nasty dreams anymore.

That must've been what was going on.  I was disrespecting my tough gal side.

I get picked on for being too feminine.  I'm pretty girlie. I even own pink suits! I could probably wear a different dress and pair of shoes each day for six months!

 I fell in love with a $2,400 vintage pink Fender bass not too long ago. 

It's worth more than my car....so....

I let it go. 

If I would have realized the key to stopping these types of dreams is fighting more of my own battles, I'd have done it sooner.  I guess I can afford to be a little more tough and action oriented.

Life is good when one can sleep!

Love ya,
S. 

Researching a Judge

Today I am thankful I finally have the name of the judge who allowed my stalker ex to live with me for 60 more days.

My ex is trying to evade the next court hearing.  I think he is doing that so he can buy himself more time in the status quo.

This judge should know better.  It appears that when he was a judge with Douglas County, he granted a restraining order to a woman who was murdered by the subject of the restraining order a few days later.

 This judge knows the worst case scenario.

http://www.denverpost.com/headlines/ci_18092538#ixzz1MnYVRPQd

I missed my meeting with a local lawmaker last week because I was asked to work.

I'm going to try to meet with lawmakers from a town I used to do activism in.  This lawmaker likes to help foster children.  We'll talk about the hardships foster children face when we meet.

Maybe she'll listen. 

Our judges really need to understand stalking and domestic violence.  We were divorced nearly three years ago.  He said we would divorce nine years ago; he's been making excuses to stay here since.

It's about control.  Sure, he hasn't hit me. He has hit walls, cars, tables and made choking gestures at me to get me to shut up.  How long will it be before he hits me?

I'm no longer the person who kept shrinking herself to fit into his world.  Whenever I step out of the role he built for me, the stalking picks up.

I know he is behind the stalking.  The cops tell me that when he moves out, I'll be safer.

Why can't I move him out?

Any judge who thinks that a woman has to continue to live this way because the guy has gotten away with bad behavior this long - just doesn't get it.

I'm trying to get away.

I can't.

Cops don't take stalking reports.  They tell me to keep him away and he'll stop messing with my head.  They tell me I'm in danger but that the children are safe.

We don't know what his family is willing to do. 

Yeah....maybe I am a tough cookie.  That doesn't mean I want to live like this.

That doesn't mean that this is good for our teenage girls. 

What are we teaching these young ladies to put up with?  

I'm having trouble finding time to see the counselor.  I have five more visits to use by the end of the year.  I'm having to work two jobs, I'm having a tough time carving out time.

I need to get the kids in counseling. The stalking has caused us to shrink our lives.  We don't go outside.  We don't live.

I'm trying to get away so we can live.

Why would a judge force me to live like this?

Perhaps this is is a systemic issue rather than an oversight. 

I don't know yet.

Why do I have to continue living with this way?

I'm trying to get away.

I've been trying to get away for years.  I finally managed to save up money for a lawyer, little good it did me.

I'm sure the last thing this judge wants is a second murder under his belt. My circumstances are different.  I could never get a restraining order because cops don't want to take police reports.  It's hard because my ex is getting his family to harass me.  It's hard for Aurora cops to arrest people who live in Littleton, Westminster and Thornton.

There has to be an answer that will benefit the community.  I hope I can find a way to change things so no other woman is stuck with a controlling ex.

The worst thing is that I don't think my ex is taking things seriously. He keeps getting what he wants.

He finally joined a job training program last week.  He refuses to say when he'll move out.  I can't see how he could.  Even if he found a job paying $50,000 (like his last job), it is doubtful he could save enough money to make a down payment on an apartment.

I gave him the vehicle I was awarded in the divorce.  When I gave it to him, it was to save his job.  He let his car fall apart and didn't have transportation.  Last summer, someone hit the van.  He received $1,980.  I signed it over to him with the intention of allowing him to collect the money to move out with.

This was July.  He's still here. 

He's not going to leave.

He isn't going anywhere.  He'll lie.  He'll agree to anything.

He'll never follow through.  We need to have consequences that will push him to follow through.  I need something that the police can enforce.

I don't know what police need to take action.

I've got to find a way to repair the house so I can sell it and move away.

That's probably the only way to stay safe.

Wishing you all safety and peace,

S.  

Craziness

Today I am thankful that I've lost my patience.

So.....

I found out that there was nothing wrong with my furnace.  I was about to leave work early to bring home an HVAC guy

and Michael told me that the problem was the batteries in the thermostat.

I remember thinking that was the problem.  I was told it wasn't the problem, so I started to hunt down a loan for a new furnace.

I don't know if it was an honest mistake

or more drama.

I'm too tired for drama.

***********************

My ex has been trying to get my lawyer to vacate the next hearing date by claiming he has to work the day of our next hearing (three days after Christmas).

Um....he doesn't have a job. 

He says he might have a job.  He doesn't know when it would start or what hours he would work.

It seems to me he's trying to keep the status quo by putting off court.

I asked him when he would move out.

He said he did not know.

I begged him to call his mother to ask if he could live with her.

He refused.

I feel stuck.

I think the $4,500 (soon to be $6,000) family court disaster won't do any good.  This guy is good at manipulating people.

He's trying to buy himself more time. 

*************************
I told him the only way he could stay would be to sit down with a therapist and I and tell me exactly how the stalking is going on.

He needs to tell me how he's getting information to his family....

who is involved....

what he or they want....

and help me put a stop to it.

He refuses.

That is why he needs to go.

I can't even be a friend to my stalker.

I care about the homeless.

My ex is pushing the limits of homelessness with his behavior.

I'm pretty sure he's doing this crap to justify living in my home with me.

I wish other people would get wise to it.

He first left me in 2008!!!!

He left again in 2010!!!

He was supposed to move completely out in October, 2013!!!

Now that he's supposed to go, he refuses.

I'm frustrated.

This is all about control....control of my time....control of my finances....and control of my energy.

I wish I could get to the bottom of the crap....understand it....and put a stop to it.

I don't understand why the people who are supposed to help me refuse to do so.

I'll be livid if the lawyer or judge gives this guy more time in my home and my life.

This is unhealthy.

I give him gas money.  I feed him.  I probably should shine his shoes and pay for a haircut so he can get a job. 

I really should not have to put myself in danger because he makes stupid decisions.

Sigh.....

Love ya,

S. 

Oh, Baby It's Cold Inside

Today I am thankful for blankets and the fact I can let the water run to prevent the pipes from bursting.


Monday night, I did a ritual to protect the people in Arvada from the cold.

When I arrived home on Tuesday, my ex told me that the furnace had gone out. 

I'm nearly on the verge of tears because I really don't know what in the world is going on.

I'd cry but I don't want the tears to freeze.

We still do not have heat.  I think the motor on the furnace is bad.  I'm looking at $4,000 for a replacement.

If I hadn't had to spend $4,500 on a lawyer, I could have paid cash for the furnace -but- I hired a lawyer thinking it help stop the bullshit. 

It didn't. 

It just siphoned my money.  I'm still supporting my ex-husband.  Things are still being broken.  Last week it was the locks on my garage door.

Yesterday it was the furnace.

This is getting expensive.

******

I find myself wondering why my ex-husband is running around claiming that he's the victim of stalking.

He says his family is harassing me because he's not talking to them.

They don't harass him.

They harass me.

The police tell me that they are working in tandem with my ex-husband.  The police tell me that my ex will do crazy things to be allowed to stay with me and that once he moves out it will be harder for them to stalk me.

Getting him away from me seems impossible due to the court system.

He swears up and down that he is the victim.

I ask why he won't help me solve the stalking problem.

I ask why he doesn't think I should move out and away from the harassers.

I ask him why he won't seek therapy to learn how to be safe from the stalkers.

When I ask these questions, he just ignores me.

It breaks my heart.

*******
I could not take today off of work.  It's the seventh of December.  It's the biggest day in the Medicare insurance sales world.  I HAD to work.

In fact, I actually had another job offer this morning.  Medicare sales is only hot between October 15th through December 7th.  Accepting that other job is a one day deal.

I wasn't interested.

The family will have to go without heat just one more day while I scramble to get money to either buy a new furnace or fix the old one.

I'm sad.

I really don't know what is going on.

That's what I want....to know what in the world is going on.

What is the truth?

What is coincidence?

What is sabotage?

What is really going on. 

I also wonder.....

Am I worthy of love someday?

Am I doomed to be alone because this will never end?

I've been alone for many years.

He started calling me his ex over nine years ago.

It's been too long.

Tonight, of all nights, it would be nice to share my bed with someone.

I just share it with books.

On the bright side, I have so many clothes that I'm going to pile them over me to keep me warm.

Maybe all those dresses I bought on sale will help get me through the night.

Stay warm.

Love ya lots,

S.

A New Spin on Homewrecking

I am thankful when the gaslighting stops bothering me.

I'm not so thankful when the gas lights go out.

So....things are breaking in my house.

In the past four months,

I've discovered that there are mice living in the basement.

Yesterday I was told there was a leak in the basement bathroom that is leaving mold on the wall in the bedroom my ex-husband lives in.

Today, he informs me that the furnace isn't working.

Within eight weeks of his losing his job, I had to replace the hot water heater, two or three phones, one computer and a washing machine.

The gutters are falling apart, that I knew.  I have been trying to replace them.....

but....I don't earn enough money for a home equity loan.  To get the loan, I must prove that I get child support.

I don't.

So.....I don't know what to do.

My ex is lazy. 

He won't help.

I came home from work, found out the furnace broke and I've been trying to take it apart to see what is the matter.

Usually, I can remove the panels.  For some reason, it is impossible for me to remove them today.

I wonder....how much of this is dumb luck?

How much of this is sabotage?

I really shouldn't be forced to live with my stalker.

I'm a little ticked at a stupid Arapahoe county judge. 

Seriously.....the divorce was finalized nearly three years ago!

He was supposed to move out on October 21, 2013!!!

Why do I have to deal with this?

There are games.

Stalkers play games.

They ask their friends and family to follow and harass you when they sense they are losing control.

They take your car when you have job interviews.

They harass your friends and family.

They threaten to harass childhood friends.

They punch walls and corner you leveling threats to your face.

They hide money.

They refuse to give you your portion of the divorce settlement unless you cave into their demands to stop dating.

They threaten suicide if you leave.

They call you pretending to be lawyers or other public officials to try to figure out what your up to doing.

They quit their jobs and refuse to look for new ones when you hire a lawyer.

They tap your phone.

They hack into your online accounts.  I still don't have access to Facebook, Skype, Google+ or LinkedIn.

I'm trying to find another job and those online contacts are worth a lot to me.  This is annoying.

Yesterday, my ex mentioned knowing how many times I trained with an off duty Jeffco cop to fight off his stalkerish relatives. 

How did he know that?

This is creepy.

It's no coincidence his family harasses and follows me around while he refuses to move out.

Michael is my stalker.

I believe Michael is now messing around with the house.

I'm to the point of being incredibly angry.

I guess he had to find something to do....I don't go online anymore.  He can't hack anything.

Now, he has to mess around with the house to get my attention.

******
I overheard someone talk about me today.

It was eye opening.

I was described as cute.  This person said I seem very nice to everyone and that I'm pleasant and polite on the telephone with customers. 

This person also said that it was incredibly shocking for him to overhear me threatening to remove a bad judge from his seat by his cojones and throw him into a domestic violence training program.

When I said that, I was talking to a licensed therapist.  She asked me if I felt suicidal and homicidal.
My answer was that this was the most violent thought I've had in years.

That is the truth.  It's more fun to play among the living than the dead.  As someone who is an alleged witch, I ought to know.

Besides, killing and harming people wound destroy my fun. It's fun to watch healthy people squirm.

Since I don't have a love to make squirm in beautiful ways, political activism will have to suffice.

You know what?

Bad public officials need removed.  This judge may well get me killed.

He needs retrained or removed.

I make no apologies for those comments.

******
Years ago,

I feel asleep while meditating to the God of War.

You may know him as Mars or Ares.

In my dream, he drank whiskey and laughed asking why I thought a man would want to be with a woman who fought for herself.

He said men want women they can protect.

I tend to protect myself and everyone else.

No man wants that.

The best part of the dream is that he goes on to describe Aphrodite.  The Goddess who can exhaust him by virtue of her love. 

In the dream he said, here's $60.  Go buy yourself a new dress.  You haven't worn one for awhile.

I awoke and found $60 by my side.

I have no clue how it got there.  Maybe I dropped it years ago and my subconscious mind remembered.

I wound up buying numerous dresses with that money.

I wore one last Sunday when visiting the homeless. 

That's the first time I have worn a dress in years.

******
If I don't fight, who will?

I don't think I sound evil.

I think people who want stuff they are not entitled to having think of me as evil. 

I'm not evil.

I certainly never have to yell.


Maybe someday I'll meet a man who likes to fight for people more than I.

I'll grab him.

Alas....I'd probably meet him now....when my ex won't leave me alone....and I can't date.

So....

I'm probably going to have to get cozy with the idea of fighting.

******
I've been talking to people that I know have been homeless and people that I know are homeless activists.

I have some ideas as to how to proceed.  I'm investigating their feasibility.

I'm sure you'll find out if they ever work. 

I'll let you know if something exciting develops.

Love,

S.

The Weird Al Effect

Today I am thankful for the Weird Al Effect.

What is the weird Al effect?

Well....

That is when you are singing to original songs on the radio....

but Weird Al lyrics cross your lips. 

It's when....



becomes



When you hear Coolio,...



and you sing about Mennonites.



When we hear someone croon about being horny



and we celebrate those sizzling cunning linguists.




Weird Al even sings about the nerds....like me.




There is a Libertarian lawyer I truly respect.

He gives speeches with the intent of helping people know their rights during traffic stops.  He's a great speaker and has a way of drawing the audience into the discussion.

He always cites Jay Z.  When he talks about cops trying to catch us riding dirty, I always have to cover my mouth so I don't ruin his speech with my horrid singing.

Sigh.....

Although a true Trekie may like other Captains like Archer, Pike, Janeway or Sisko.  Sisko's my favorite.  He's a badass.  He can sing.  Have you ever heard Shatner sing? 

Well...I think Shatner's a better singer than I.

I always wanted to be a badass who could sing.  Alas....we cannot have everything.

********
Speaking of singing.....

In the early eighties, Denver Trekkies sang mutilated Christmas Carols during their conventions.  We rewrote the lyrics, Dr. Demento style, to honor our favorite Sci Fi mythology.

The Christmas Carols were a warm up.  We'd always wind up singing the Monty Python Lumberjack song....often. 

You know the one....



I was eight years old when the tradition started.  I stopped attending the meetings and conventions when I was fourteen. 

Two really cute boys wanted me to go hang out with them to learn Klingon.  I decided against it.  This would turn out to be the worse decision of my life.

I thought it would make more sense to learn something useful.......like Spanish.  I had three years of Spanish in college.  Do  you know what language would have landed me a counseling internship?

Klingonese. 

They needed someone who understood Trek culture and could speak Klingon to visit with a patient at a local psych ward.  It could have been the perfect opportunity. 

Yeah....

now I counsel people to pursue their interests because it may lead them to some unseen wonder.

Wow....

******

I last heard these songs in 1984.  I barely remember them.  They do sneak out of my mouth when I'm singing to Christmas carols in public.

Yesterday, while Christmas shopping I heard "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman."

You know the one......




This melody was used to sing about Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan (the original movie - where Spock gets radiation poisoning due to fixing the warp drive that had become misaligned).

I don't remember the full song...but apparently my subconscious mind does.

I found myself perusing designer dresses and belting out

"He wandered in to fix the warp, where humans do not go...
leaving fans filled with sadness and woe."

Ooops....

Christmas is going to get incredibly interesting if I'm ever diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

******

We had a song about Yoda, too.  I can't remember it.  Any attempt at recollection only brings me back to Weird Al.

I love Weird Al.  When I was a kid, he was my rock star.  I saved up to be one of one hundred or so people at a concert he had in 1984.  His posters were all over my wall.

Yeah....I'm weird.  I've always been weird. 

Life is more fun when you're weird.



Sometimes, if we express our weirdness and follow our interests, we come up with a unique set of skills and abilities that can enhance our careers.

I probably should learn Klingonsese.  I actually had a co-worker I'm trying to train say that he did not want to talk to customers today because he only spoke Klingon.  He sells Medicare plans.  He'd better talk to customers today.  Business will dry up in just a few days.

I wonder what would have happened if I bellowed "PAHTAK!" at the fellow.

My boss may have Googled it.   She would not have approved.

It would be fitting.

Love ya lots,

S.

A Day Among The Homeless

Today I am thankful for conversation with beautiful people.


I have a talent for getting people to approach me and talk to me.

The secret is copying a small facet of a person's body language upon approach.

If they move their hands side to side, do that.....they'll approach you.

Find something small.....copy that....people will acknowledge you.

I spent my afternoon talking to homeless people in my hometown.

I emptied the cash in my purse.

It wasn't much.

I spoke to them.

They were all male.

They have been homeless on average of one year to eighteen months.

They are not from the big city.  They are from the same city I visited today. In other words, the men I spoke to today were priced out of their Arvada apartments.

They are living in Arvada.

The city council is barking up the wrong tree by blaming Denver and Aurora.

I don't live in Arvada anymore.  I gave up my Arvada business due to the stalking.  They may not want to hear from me or care for my help.

My cousin ran for city council in Arvada.  He didn't live long enough to see this painful sight.

He was my younger cousin.  He died of skin cancer two years ago.

What would he do?

I don't know. 

Would his ghost lead me here?  I hope he'd have much better things to do in the after world.

Maybe I should try to do something to honor Justin.

I'll reach out to the tiny church these men spoke about to see what I can do.

I have no clue when my next day off is. 

I plan on going back.  I don't know when...if I did, I couldn't say....because I don't want Mike's family to harass me there.

They'd probably be too afraid to harass me when I'm near homeless men.

People avoid homeless people.  I think people avoid things they fear.  I don't think people fear homeless people per se, they fear the idea that it could happen to them.  People fear becoming homeless.

As I wondered around, I noticed that many of these men have adopted street dogs. 

It's interesting how generous those with the least can be; the less we have, the more we tend to give. 

The question begs to be answered:

What can I do?

******

I parked my hypno-mobile and walked up to my former office.

As I approached I noticed a man to my left.  He walked fast.  I quickened my pace.

He approached me asking how to get to the airport.

I asked "Why?  Where would you rather be?"

He said he was just joking.

I looked at him, inquiring "How long have you been here?"

He was stunned.

He was a handsome man of color in his thirties.

He spoke of his children. 

He missed them.

He wanted to know how I knew.  How did I know he was homeless?

Before I could answer, he figured it out.

He looked into my eyes and said "Oh.....you have to promise to do whatever it takes not to come back."

He knew I was once homeless.  He wanted me to promise that I'd never let myself be homeless again.

That was hard to hear.

Am I that transparent?

I gave him a wad of cash.  I have no idea how much.  It was probably $10 or less.  

It wasn't enough. I'd need at least $5,000.  He'd need rent, deposit, food, a coach/counselor......$100 would have been a pittance.

I shook his hand.  I wore a Djinn ring.  As we shook hands, I wished out loud that a miracle would quickly come his way.

He said it already had.

It broke my heart.

In all my years talking to homeless people, this was the first time someone guessed why I care so much.

I think it unnerved me on some level.

He knew I saw him as a human being.

I'm afraid he saw into me.

I'm still in hiding.

******
I am bothered that the Arvada city council and that the local press is that out of touch.

They need to have someone actually talk to the homeless in the city.

That is the only way they'll be able to root out the cause of the problem.

*******
Arvada is an ICLEI city.  ICLEI is a treaty that Mayors sign promising to do three things each year to cut pollution.  I'm not a fan.  As a pretend Mayoral candidate, I promised never to sign it.

It's a mess.  They're letting some European group ask them to make life more expensive for their constituents. Politicians work for their neighbors, the taxpayers and their constituents.  The needs of the community must come before the needs of some greedy conglomerate trying to handcuff free societies to stupid rules.

ICLEI used to be big on sustainable housing.  They used to promote cheap apartments near rail stations.  Arvada will soon have a rail station about one block away from this burgeoning homeless population.

They have built apartments nearby.  They are not affordable.  It would seem that they have strayed from their ICLEI promise.

I never thought that would work.  Greedy developers often push city council candidates that will help them get tax breaks.  Those tax breaks never, ever get passed down to the townspeople.  They just increase the corporations profit margin.

I have no clue what to do.

*******
As I sat in the Arvada park in my Druid cloak, I mindlessly broke twigs while drilling down why I hate the government.

I know why I hate the government.

It's so big that it has an issue holding government agents and officials accountable.

That's always been where I step in.

Here's a short list of the things I've fought.  I've never fought alone.  I've always had the good fortune to find like minded souls to help.  By the time I get pissed off, I quickly learn that there are hundreds more like me.  The trick is to find someone willing to be the front men while I can sit in the background and do the grunt work.

I like grunt work.  Sadly, the spotlight has a way of finding me. 

1987:

- Foster parents forcing kids to have sex in the hopes in getting the girls pregnant so they'd get more money each month. Bonnie never went to jail.  Some of those kids sued the state of Florida.  I don't know if their lawsuits brought them comfort.

1999:

- Schools teaching telling parents to put their elementary age kids on Ritalin.  They'd call social services if the parents objected.  It took me a decade to find out that Jefferson County and Denver County Public schools received $400 per child coerced onto the medication.

Denver tried it with me.  They tried it with my nephews.  It got to the point that the Head of Elementary Education hated hearing my name.  My middle name is a guy's name.  When you hear my name - you know who I am. 

This is how I met lawmakers the first time. Luckily, I was a graduate student and knew a lot of politically active psychology professors who loved to write letters to government officials.  One of them gave me his letters right before he passed away.  They were funny. They had a lot of NLP in them. I treasure them greatly.

2008:

- A city auditor who illegally fined her employees $500-$1,500 cash whenever they didn't do what she wanted them to do.  We got caught for $500 because my ex allegedly beat me, feel asleep at work, didn't steal $250,000 from local businesses, and because I allegedly fake heart attacks - no, I was never able to drill down exactly why she stole my grocery money.  Another man was fined $1,500 because he stayed home with his sick daughter.  As I became more politically active, I'd learn about more employees facing fines for minor things.

Do you want to know about the fine that makes me angriest? It was a $300 fine for a man who would not promise to refrain from talking about politics at church.  I was asked to leave his hearing by the Aurora Civil Service Commission.  The board made the same claims about his wife that they made about me.  They also accused the man of being violent.  I met an attorney who represents union employees in hearings and she said that the tactic the city uses is common.  Men are always said to be violent and women are said not to be team players. This lawyer suggested I introduce a Union into the city to help the employees.

The union wasn't interested.  I tried.  Libertarians believe in private contracts.  If the employees agree, why not?

The city council never did anything to stop this behavior.  I wound up whining about it to a friend who practices hoodoo.  She took care of it.  That night, I had a dream the lying, fining bitch crashed her jeep.  I hear she was in a crash and can't walk anymore.

Stupid woman.....

Stupid City Council....maybe I need to talk to my hoodoo buddy again. 

I still hear stories of the illegal fining of city employees.  I warn them when I meet them. This is why I ran for office.  I wanted to put a stop to the crap. By the time I was asked to run, I heard about a heck of a lot of crap (cronyism, arresting rape victims, assaults against citizens and on and on and on).

Sigh....I'm more powerful where I am now.

This is just a sample of crap I've fought.  It all drills down to one thing:

A LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE EMPLOYED BY THE GOVERNMENT.

I don't hate the government - I hate how there is no accountability and assholes get away with a lot of crap.

Accountability and transparency - that is where the fight is.

I have to find my bearings so I can jump back in the ring.

Love ya,

S.