We Are Responsible for Our Own Safety.

Today I am thankful that I understand that we are responsible for our own safety. 

I'm having a single-mommy money crunch moment and am scrambling to find $4,600  $5,100. 

Long story short, I've been so lazy in the past 18 months, I've used the mechanic down the street for all of my car repairs.  He's only two blocks away so it's easy for me to drop the car off and walk down the street to pick it up.  

Yes I'm stupid.  I should have caught on when the water pump kept going out every six months. 

I'd take the car in, he'd do $500 worth of work and I'd pick my car only to have it die within a day.  The second day, it would need $1,300 worth of repairs. 

I guess it takes three events for me to see a pattern.

In January 2017, I had the car towed to the mechanic by my house.  The water pump went out.  Soon after the steering column needed repaired. 

In May, the car was leaking coolant, I took it in and the mechanic replaced the water pump a second time.  That day, I had the mechanic put new brakes on the car. 

Well.....when I picked up the car and drove it home, I noticed a huge line of Dexcool running down the street where was driving. 

I took the car back and spent a little over a thousand for a new intake manifold. 

The car hasn't ran very well since that day. 

It started making a squeaking sound and didn't like to accelerate.  I took it back last month.  The mechanic replaced some wires for $300.  I drove the car home. 

The squeaking sound turned into a grinding sound.  I drove the car right back to the mechanic. 

Two days later he told me it needed a new transmission. 

It would cost $3,000.

Then, I read the reviews for this mechanic.

Um......it's not uncommon for people to claim their cars are damaged in his shop.

Rather than take it back again, I had the car towed to my favorite mechanic.  He's far away.  He doesn't advertise.  I can never remember the name of his shop.  

In a dream, I saw Jesus. 

That's when I realized the name of his business was JC. 

This guy is uber-Christian. 

He spent hours looking at the car.  This mechanic will never say a bad word about a competitor. 

I was upset. 

The water pump was out.....again. 

One of the radiator hoses wasn't put on correctly which probably led to the transmission overheating and ruining it. 

My sway bar is busted as are the links on the right side.  It wasn't rusted.  It was BUSTED. 

They sheered off the lug nuts on one of my wheels!  This explains why I lost my hubcaps shortly after they fixed the brakes. 

The damage? 

$4,600.  

*******

I called the dealer who sold me the car. 

All I had to do was say...

"Hi, this is [name that means girl], I bought a Buick...." 

I was greeted with 

"The hypnotist!  How is my wife's former car?"

I told him. 

He's like....well, at least you'll never go back to that shop again. 

No, I won't. 

I like this dealer.  His father sold cars to my dad back in Sheridan in the 70's. 

He gave me credit when no one else would.  I was able to pay this car off in two months. 

I never took the title to the DMV.  I guess I should do that some day. 

We spoke. 

He said, he'd be happy to sell me another car but, in all honestly, my car only has 80,000 miles.  Most of the parts and hoses are new.  Buicks can run forever if you keep the fluid changed regularly.  

He thought I'd be better off putting in a used transmission and keeping the car. 

My mechanic was hesitant.  Used transmissions don't have warranties. 

In the end we decided that we know what is wrong with this car so I won't be inheriting too many mystery problems that belonged to other people.  It's not the bad transmission that upsets me - on my car, it's not abnormal for the transmission to go out around 80,000 miles.  It's more that I took the car in numerous times for inspection and not once did the mechanic say that the motor mount was bad or the sway bar was busted.  At the first hint of squeaking, I took the car in to have the brakes redone a few months ago, they did not tell me the lug nut studs had broken off of the front wheel and sent me on my way.  

I wouldn't have minded paying for repairs even if they broke the lug nut studs.  It was an old car and things rust -but- it's scary that I could have killed someone driving down the mountain highway from Aspen to Denver if I had lost a wheel.  The poor transmission probably saved my life if not the lives of other people on the road because it got me a proper diagnosis.

I would have appreciated the other mechanic being honest.  I'll never take my car back to him.  

If I can find $4,600  $5,100 plus tax on parts, I can keep my Hypnomobile.   I just learned that fluid had damaged some part of the timing chain.

Sigh....

I just need the car to last me until I get my license to practice drug counseling.  I need it to last two to three years.

My mechanic thinks it will last five years. 

One of the credit cards I applied for when I thought I needed to scramble to pay for the tree removal was approved and I received it today.  

It has 0% interest for 14 months. 

That'll give me enough time to find a home equity loan to pay it off. 

******

I am the fence about spending $5,000 on a lawyer to make sure my ex pays child support. 

I'm not talking about the dinky amount due to him lying about being a homeless addict. 

He was originally ordered to pay $942 plus health insurance.  When they recalculated his child support it was around $1188 a month.  He made good money. 

He never paid it.  He doesn't carry insurance on the kids.

I hate Medicaid.  

I'm scrambling to find a job with health insurance.  The company I am working for now offers an older type plan with $10 co-payments and a $1,000 deductible.  I was hired in late November last year.  The premium would be over $500. 

They promised me health insurance within three months of hire.  So far, I haven't gotten it.  

I'm realizing now that it will never happen.

I'm interviewing in rehab centers in the hopes of getting a job that will make licensing go quicker and offer me the chance to buy affordable health coverage. 

It will be a pay cut but I only work in the hopes of getting insurance for the kids.

******

There are times when I think I should hire an attorney to sort out the mess with my ex. 

Then.....I read stories about kids murdered by their father because of child support hearings.

Being an impoverished mother is probably better than being a mother in mourning. 

My ex has called me up with some crazy crap in the past two years. 

He's accused an aunt of ignoring him in downtown Denver.  My aunt says she hasn't been down town in over five years. 

Of course, he's accused me of stalking him which is why he won't give me the financials he's court ordered to share every year.  He thinks I'll take this information and call his boss in an effort to get him fired. 

I've never done that. 

His sister has done that to me. 

I've never done it. 

He's a lot like my wheels - he has a couple of lug nuts loose. 

I don't want to mess with it.  

It's better to keep him at arm's length.  If he pushes overnight visitation, then I'll go after him for the past due child support and the judgments I have against him. 

He owes me $56,000 or so. 

He hasn't seen the kids since he left except to take them a movie and run off on them. 

I'd feel more confident in his parenting ability if his crazy stories would stop.  The crazy stories are ways of making himself a victim and justifying his game playing. 

I really ought to push for a therapist become involved but I'm not sure he'd cooperate.  

Judges let abusers see their kids all the time. It's about parental rights rather than children's needs.  Children don't need to feel threatened.  They don't need an awkward conversation every three years with someone who engages in emotional abuse. 

The problem with parental rights is the abuse and murder.  Dysfunctional, narcissistic parents often murder their kids to hurt the other parents.  Judges are blind to psychology.  They ignore abuse.

That could be because narcissists tend to be charismatic and believable.  They're victims tend to seem scattered and scared - not the kind of people judges believe. 

It breaks my heart. 

There was another murder recently.  A father murdered his teenagers because of child support.  He had a contempt hearing and didn't want to pay. 

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/two-sleeping-indiana-teens-shot-dead-by-father-who-kills-himself/ar-AAAtQlr?ocid=spartandhp

Could that be the fate awaiting my kids? 

My ex is unhinged.  His family does his bidding.  I'm too afraid to push it. 

My ex is probably going to get off Scot free.

Dysfucktional people tend to get their way because they're crazy.

******

I've decided to let that mechanic off Scot free, too.  I won't sue.  I will tell my neighbors to stay away.

He'll be out of business soon.

He's in his eighties.

I only hope I don't take this experience and turn it into ageism.

The lawyer who screwed me over was in his eighties, too.

I have to check my newly acquired bias now.

It may not be the professionals who screwed up so much as it was more likely their employees.  The mechanic had a younger guy do all the work.  The lawyer had a paralegal do all the work on the case (boy....was she pissed when she saw how much home equity I had earned in the past year...she made some snarky comments...my house was worth next to nothing during the divorce).

The reviews for the law office referenced a rude paralegal and bad legal advice which cost people a lot of money.

I probably won't mess around with family law.  I may be better off putting a rude man's name in the freezer.

*******

We are responsible for our own safety.   

I need a safe car. 

I need to stay safe from an ex-husband who puts his family up to stalking me. 

I need to keep the kids safe. 

It's up to me.  The authorities cannot help (if they even care to help).

911 is slow.

That's why I have to own a gun and teach my kiddos how to shoot.

That's why I have to try to avoid dysfunctional people.

I need a safe car so I don't cause an accident and risk myself or a stranger bleeding to death in a tin can on the highway waiting for an ambulance.

I need to find a way to pay off all of this debt.

The state sure nickels and dimes professionals.  My goodness.  I have to pay for several licenses for each of my jobs.  I must spend $300 a year on government licensing fees (on even years it's insurance and on odd years it's psychotherapy).

It's exhausting. 

I'll survive this mess.

One challenge at a time. 

Love ya, 

S.  

Documenting Weirdness (and edit)

Today I'm thankful that I can document strange things.

This is something that previously happened quite a bit in front of my home but seemed to have stopped about six months to a year ago.

This may not have been about my family or my ex.

I'll document it here just in case.

I will not post the individual's license plate number.  Rather I will highlight and underline the numbers and letters in the order they appear just in case I wind up deceased -

or if this person had the wrong house and someone else winds up hurt.

Around 6:15 this evening, a tall Caucasian man (perhaps 6'2" - 6'4") was banging on one of the living room windows. We have 4 windows on the lower level, he chose the one nearest where I was sitting.  The window was open and I had a fan running.

He was thin and lanky.  He wore a white or light blue button up shirt with vertical blue stripes and blue jeans.  He appeared in be in his early twenties.

His hair was dark.

He seemed angry or emotionally distressed.

When I approached the window I didn't see him.

I asked the kids to come down and let me know if they recognized the bright red Honda Civic blocking the driveway.

They didn't.

I ran for my rifle.

Getting closer to the window, I noticed that he was standing next to the window just out of my line of sight.

Shadows give away important information.

I told my eldest to grab the v-tech phone and call the non-emergency dispatch line.

At this point, the young man started to stagger away from the window sauntering across my front yard.

I couldn't tell if he was full of emotion

or drunk.

I didn't smell alcohol but I probably wasn't close enough.

He walked towards the red car that was parked in front of my driveway and sat there for at least five minutes, with his door open, and staring at his hands.

That made me nervous.

I called dispatch.

I didn't know if it were an emergency, I don't mind wading through the IVR system and waiting a few minutes to speak to an officer.

When an officer came to the line, I gave my address and told him that it wasn't an emergency but I needed advice.

The young man must've saw me in the window with the phone.  At this point he grabs a phone and appears to be texting someone.

He sat there a few minutes longer before starting the car and pulling into my driveway.

After about a minute, he left.

I got the make, model and license plate number of the car.

The officer read it back to me so I'd have the information.

I let him know I'd call if this person returned.

This individual was either impaired or emotional.

The energy was strange.

This isn't the first time this has happened.  I've had strange people bang on my door, bang on my garage door, bang on my windows, break into the house, turn on the water and cut my garden hose, burn stuff on my porch, tear apart dolls and decorative stained glass flowers in my front yard as well as smash the various lights that grace the yard.

It became very frightening between 2012 and 2016.  I thought it had stopped.

Perhaps it had not.

I find myself wondering if this person had the wrong house.  If so, I'm very scared for the person he was looking for.

Due to the frequency of people who wind up doing crazy crap in my front yard I have to wonder if one of the neighbors is a drug dealer.

-or-

this could be a continuation of the crap I dealt with from my ex-husband's family.  It wasn't uncommon for his family to lie about me and send angry people to confront me.  The other trick they liked to use is to claim I was married to his brother and send my brother-in-law's debt collectors to my house in an attempt to collect the money.

For the most part, I have the ability to calm people down and get them to see reason.  Sometimes, especially with the bill collectors my ex-husband's family sent to me, I've had to grab knives or weapons to keep them away.

That hasn't had to happen since October 1994 when they sent a trio of  car repo-men to me.  That crap ended when they saw that I drove a beat up old Mercury Lynx.

Good ol' Hermes had my back that night.

This wouldn't be the last time I'd see the repo-men.  They'd make appearances in front my home twice within the next three years.  At one point, they even followed me to a Sears in Lakewood.

Who does that?

Seriously.....

I'm still afraid of the games.

Perhaps I need to keep my crossbow near the door.

Sigh....

One would think they'd know not to mess with pagans.

******

Today....I couldn't fight very much.

I spent yesterday with four pit bulls in a mountain town.

They are the sweetest little angles.

Their fur feels like Satin.

If I can ever get a pit bull for my PTSD, I'm naming him or her satin.

It'll sure make people talk given my alleged religion.

Fashionistas worship satin. 

Alas, due to my allergies, I'm having trouble breathing and seeing so I wouldn't have wanted to confront this person.

Most of the young ladies living here are gay or not dating.

This was not someone's love or former love.

He slightly resembled my eldest's boyfriend but he's a tad bit older and drives a much nicer car.

My eldest's boyfriend nearly died due to opioids and is the reason I plan on carrying Narcan.  Since the city is helping me with the tree, I can finally save my pennies to buy two doses ($140.00).

This man and my daughter are a little pissed at me right now.  I don't believe that the path he's walking is an easy or safe one. Hopefully they'll reach out before he kills himself by taking the Fentanyl laced crap. Too many people I know are losing their kids to Oxycodone laced with Fentanyl.

It scares me that he and his huge long haired dog are living with my granddaughter.  I had to babysit her when he was hauled off in an ambulance due to an overdose.  He OD'd in front of her!!!

I'm surprised CPS didn't get involved.

There were EpiPens throughout the house.

That poor little girl inherited my reddish auburn hair and my allergies.

Sigh....

*******

I'm putting this here because, quite honestly, I don't believe this is something that happens to many people.

What are the odds that upset people come banging on a window more than once in a lifetime?

It wasn't a client either.

I have NO clue who it was.

To be quite blunt about, he looked a lot like me with the translucent white skin and dark hair.

Most people in my family are short.  The men are rarely taller than 5' 7."

Maybe he is one of my new found sisters' kids?  I don't know.

My sisters call me when I'm working.  Since I'm working, job interviewing and going to school I haven't had a lot of time to call them back.

He didn't leave a note, though.

One would think he'd leave a note.

Sometimes it's best to document things just in case they become problematic.

Hopefully, it was nothing but someone who had the wrong house and was frustrated with traffic.

Love ya,

S.

Edit 09/17/2018

I think it was a contractor trying to quote me for tree removal.

The reason I say that was that I received a text with a quote from someone two hours later.  They did not give the name of their business.  I suppose I could call them back and get the name.

They also left a text asking me to give them a chance.

In my view, the very phrase "give me a chance" shows incompetence and a lack of confidence.

I probably won't hire them.

I did my witchy thing hoping the person will find jobs that suit his competence level and help them. make money.

Knocking on my window was weird.

It shouldn't have scared me that much.

Besides, he came in $600 higher than the other people I called.

He looked dejected as he stared into his hands.  Hopefully his deity heard my prayer.  He seems to need the money.

If these things scare me, I need a service animal (and steroid injections).

Edit 09/18/2018

Around 3:45 today a woman was waving at the children as they were walking home from school.

I was home today.  I had just picked my car up from the garage and it started making a metal on metal grating sound as I accelerated.  I took it right back to the mechanic. 

I watched her as she followed them to the porch.  One of the kids shut the door and locked it behind them.

That woman came up and jiggled the handle several times!  

I made it known that I was watching her.  She left and made her way to the neighbor's house with an older guy. 

They were wearing tan pants and light blue shirts. 

I wonder if they were with A*P security peddling systems? 

I'll call A*P. 

I think I'll scratch them off my wish list.  Perhaps that was the lesson.

I checked the door.  She didn't leave anything.  Usually when salespeople jiggle the handle, they are attaching sales flyers.

There were none.

That bothers me.  

I need better security cameras but if I find they were the ones breaking my boundaries, I'll never buy from them. 

It's hard to imagine door to door salespeople and home improvement contractors getting so darn brazen. 

I have a no soliciting sign.  The city asks that solicitors honor those.  

I also have a sign suggesting that I have an attack dog.  There is also another sign warning of the video surveillance along the property.  

Perhaps I'd have better luck if I painted a pentagram on the door.   It will be easy to find decals for that this time of year. 

I could also put an upside down broom on he porch.  Those are said to ward people off. 

Do you why? 

I don't. 

I assume it is because of the way witches of old used to use their broom handles to go on psychedelic journeys.  They'd smear psychedelic herbs on the handles and mount them.  Apparently the vagina can absorb intoxicants. 

Yep.....

I know, right?  

It puts a new spin on ridin' dirty, eh? 

It's not worth risking the splinters.  

I'd laugh if someone stole the broom.

*****

Yeah....I wonder how long it will take for me to get over the stalking crap?  Will I always be afraid of strangers knocking on the windows and jiggling the door handles?

Should I be afraid of these things?

I don't even know what normal is any more.

I have dreams of men....

men trying to hug me, kiss me and touch me....

I'm always too damn afraid to let them close because I care for them.

I'm probably just sad because I went to a rock shop in the mountains and thought about the security guard who used to spend hours upon hours with me talking about classic rock, the Colorado scenery, gemstones and rocks common to Colorado and how to make beautiful jewelry.

I was promoted and moved into another office.

He quit his job and I never saw him again.

He called my house once a few months after he quit his job. I  didn't answer.  My ex was still living in the house and I didn't want to pull him into my private hell.

I miss him.

I'm still hesitant to bring anyone into my own private little hell.

When will it be safe?

I'm not sure it will ever be safe for me.

Love ya, 

S.  

.

Quick News Update regarding Local Government (plus Wonderful Update)

Today I am thankful that the city is rid of the animal control officer who couldn't tell a German shepherd from a wolf-hybrid.  

Link to Story: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/aurora-dog-capone-wolf_us_58c9977ee4b0ec9d29d84c85

The city threatened to kill the dog if it couldn't be rehomed at a wolf sanctuary (which probably would have been a death sentence in its own right)

It is fortunate that the family had the funds to fight.

So many families don't have money to spare. 

I don't know why the animal control officer is gone. My hope is that they didn't initiate an illegal fine to be rid of her.  I'm hoping that this woman is on to better things.

At least, from my point of view things seem to be getting better.

Now, if only I could find the time and money to help do something about the obnoxious and unethical pit bull ban.

Sigh....

I'd have hoped that lawyers would do something but I finally realize now that they profit from the problem.

It's going to have to be solved by common people.

It's nice to have something positive to say.

Love ya lots,


S.

Edit 09/18/2018

The new mayor is amazing.  Now there will be a ballot initiative to reverse the pit bull ban.

I truly hope this is the end of the mess and the murder.

Thank you to whomever put this into motion.

When I get my crap together, I'll do a tad bit more to help.

For the past few days, I've watched the news reports out of North Carolina.  It's heartbreaking how many dogs and cats were abandoned to drown.  Many good people worked to save these animals.

The question for me is 'how can people be expected to care about cats and dogs if their own government kills them for reasons that don't make sense?'

The government considers itself a role model.  So far, they haven't a done a good job.

This will be one step in the right direction.

Now, if only I can get real health insurance and afford a primary care doctor, I may be one step closer to an emotional support dog.  I think I need to get steroid shots.

The next post will detail why I need a support animal - I'm still traumatized by the stalking.

Love ya,

S.

Integrating Feedback

Today I am thankful for the thought processes sparked by feedback.

It's not uncommon for a woman like me to hear things like

'I know you don't like men right now....,'

'Some guy must've hurt you horribly...'

'It must be hard to trust a man like me...., '

or

'not all guys are out to hurt women.'

Typically I hear these things when I won't date someone.

Yesterday, I heard it from someone who was in a happy relationship and was trying to help me with something outside of the realm of dating.

That shocked me on some level.

I talk to a lot of men on a day to day level,

some are mentors,

some are neighbors (just not the gun-toting freaky dude next door),

some are clients,

others are people that I mentor.

Today I met a very attractive man in a wheelchair that nearly got hit by a truck at 5:30 this morning.  He has to ride in the street because the city doesn't have ramps for the sidewalk.

I approached him to talk, complimented him on the smooth handling of his wheels -

it was hard not to grin when patted the armrests on his chair and said 'yeah, I made this [chair] my bitch.'

I think I'll take photos of the intersection for the councilman if he's ever on another crusade for votes.

Fate put me on a bus today with the man in the wheelchair. We chatted until I realized where we were.  Sadly, it was the wrong bus so I ran around trying to find my way around town.

It's amazing that I was early to work despite getting veered off course.  I guess it is a good thing to leave two hours early for a job five miles away from home.

Here is the truth.

I don't hate men.

It's more that the last guy I dated taught me that men want women half their age.

Unless I find someone who is 98, I'm not going to find anyone.

I'm okay with that.

The relationship before that was with my stalkerish ex.  It's a shame he didn't see that his controlling behavior scared me away.

I've had a lot of deep relationships with guys, some platonic and a few that weren't.  For a while, I felt like the angel of death because I'd get close to someone and they seemed to die within a few years.

Right now, I think I just want to process everything.

*****
I've had teenagers refer to me as asexual or aromantic.  It's not that I hate guys, I'm not just ready for intimacies.

I joke and say that I'm an equal opportunity hater.  I hate people.

I have an issue with the word asexual, doesn't it mean that I can reproduce by myself...like a flower?  Why can't it mean that I want to work on my own shit before bringing someone else in my world?

I don't understand some things about our culture.  I wish I could but I don't.

Apparently there is a flag for people like me.  It is comprised of every color I hate.

.

Yes, the cake is why I'm a size 12. 

Many people I know in my generation eschew labels.  Human beings are often too quick to put each other into little stereotypical boxes that may or may not be accurate. 

I wonder why the millennials are pushing stereotypes based upon assumptions.  The only benefit I can think of to force people to self-identify their sexual preferences (e.g. with colors, a flag or the placement of jewelry) is to prevent another person from being embarrassed about asking for sex. 

My lack of understanding must mean that I'm old.  

*****

Yes, I am avoiding intimate relationships.  I tell myself that I'm ugly and that my skin feels like sandpaper, my mouth tastes like sardines and that I need more cosmetic surgery that it's worth to disrobe for anyone.

It seems to work.  I haven't kissed anyone in years.  I don't think I kissed anyone after my divorce was final.

Don't even ask about the other.....

There is another negative self-construct I have.  It's been deconstructed in numerous therapies since I was a child.  It is that I am horrible in relationships because my childhood was fairly shitty.

This is because I've had a couple of people say that I will never amount to anything because I was a foster child.

This has driven me batty over the years.  There is a thought that I'm insecurely attached to people and cannot have relationships.

Of course, as a child, I was very close to my grandparents so the therapists point out the flaw in this theory.  The past two men blamed me for everything that went down.  Part of me wonders if it is because I was a foster kid.

Being orphaned has impacted me on a very deep level.  There is this overwhelming sense that I'll never really fit in anywhere.  Nothing I do will ever prove that I'm a success.

I haven't met many foster kids with master's degrees.  I'm not sure I'll be satisfied with the doctorate.

Too many of my foster-siblings have been shot and killed by police officers.

It's sick to think how little we treat people who have PTSD.  I'm sure there is some correlation between not treating our veterans well and the increased incidence of violent police encounters.

What can any one person do?

*****

Yes, I am well aware that my experiences as an orphan have colored my experience of governments.

It is obvious that I don't trust the government.

As I walked around town because my car was in the shop, I pondered why that would be.  The social workers helped almost as much as they hurt me.

One Thanksgiving evening when I was twelve, my step-dad tried to have sex with me  I kicked him off.  He called the Sheridan police department and the officer threatened to arrest me for talking back to my step-father as I sat in a tub trying to rub his stench off of me.

I knew the cop was stupid.  He was leering at my mother's 34G breasts.  My step-dad's brother wanted to be the mayor.  My step-dad had a hell of a lot of pull so I knew the police wouldn't help.

I told my grandmother.  Of course, a few days later, a county social worker removed my sister and I from the home.

The government is a mixed bag; some people hurt, others help.

I don't think the horrors of government really started to bug me until I was eighteen.

I was raped at seventeen.  The cops threw me to the ground in the hopes I had drugs.  No report was filed.

I didn't trust the cops.  It didn't really phase me.  I lived on my own and their involvement would have just caused more trouble for me than it was worth.

My anger didn't grow until I fought with the Denver Department of Social Services trying to get my sister out of a sexually exploitive foster home.  The governor had to get involved to stop that nonsense.

After removing my sister from the sexually abusive foster home, the dumb social workers awarded custody of my sister to a pimp.  It took nearly twenty years to extricate her from prostitution.

She NEVER had therapy to help process the sexual abuse in the foster home prior to being sent to live with the pimp.

I know...…right?

What the hell passed for social work in 1988?

That is probably the origin of my disgust with the government.

For about a decade I was busy doing other things, sure I'd write a hypnotic letter here and there and join other campaigns but I didn't go all out balls to the wall with anything until 2008.

That was the year Attorney Evans with the city awoke me from my slumber when she called up my home and tried to threaten me for inquiring about an illegal $500 workplace fine.

She made me laugh.

Her attitude was everything those idiotic social workers had.

I have a memory of meeting with the social workers in the pimp's house prior to them giving him custody.  There must have been hundreds of dildos and vibrators placed around the house, on living room bookcases and even the mantle in the dining room (where food was being served....yuk!).

They were everywhere!  Whatever gave these social workers the idea that my sister would be safe in that environment was beyond me.

Maybe they were sexually inexperienced or something.

Perhaps they didn't know what a rabbit was.

Maybe they thought those were hundreds of colorful and strange plastic cactus sculptures.

I remember meeting one of them for coffee at an IHOP and trying to get her to explain why the sex toys didn't bother her.  She didn't seem to see an issue with it.

It broke my heart when my concerns about my sister being induced into prostitution were proven to be the truth.  A Denver police officer worked very hard to extricate my sister from the profession.  He's the reason I pray for the force despite the ugly abuses of a few of the bad apples.

Sigh....

Those social workers are why I vote for politicians who are not as white as the driven snow.  I want leaders who know and understand human nature.  I don't want them to live in a puritanical bubble. They need to understand issues such as sex trafficking, prostitution and sexual slavery.   I don't want someone so green in the gills as to not understand the truth about the ugliness in human nature.  They also ought to understand the difference between victimless crime laws based on puritanical ideology (e.g. laws against homosexuality) versus crimes that involve victims (e.g. statutory rape, child prostitution).

That's what cracks me up when politicians attack those who've had sex scandals.  I don't like Clinton because he lied about it.   I have a hell of a lot of respect for people who own their authenticity.

 I certainly don't want lawmakers to be as naïve as those social workers were.  Who is so stupid as to think a twelve year old can live with a single 35 year old guy and 150 or so vibrators and live a life of sexual purity?

Okay don't answer that.

Denver social workers are that stupid.

There is something to be said for life experience.

There was no accountability for those social workers just as there is no accountability for the City Attorneys now.

I spent years paying homeless people to watch over my sister.

The government didn't care.

It's disgusting.

Far too many people in power love to wield their power even if it hurts others.  They tend to turn a blind eye to the misbehavior of the people they're supposed to watch over.

I think the misbehavior fills me with rage due to the injustice my sister experienced.  Apparently, people with my personality type are slow to rage but when it hits - watch out!

It's not that I don't trust men.

I don't trust bureaucracy.

I probably can go a tad bit over the top in my anger.  My shrink buddies call that my shadow side.  My shadow is extraverted, obnoxious, sensing, thinking and perceiving (she's an ESTP).

She's really good at creating political slogans, too.

The sad thing is that people seem to like the evil Siegfred part of my personality than the real me.

Sigh.....

********

Organizations can get so big that there is no accountability.  People go around in circles just trying to accomplish something.….anything.

The government is too damn big; that is why some government employees get away with every little thing.

That is also why good employees are never recognized.

I could write forever about all the crappy stuff the government has done over the years.

I really don't know if there could be a solution that wasn't Anarchy.

It's so sad.

The government's only directive is to grow itself.

The problem is only going to get worse as more and more people join a system with little accountability.

This is the best flag to describe me at this point in my life:

Love ya,

S.

Raising Energy and Cackling

Today I am thankful for leaked photos showing the aftermath of Denver's pit bull ban. 

These are useful for raising one's level of anger.

Anger is useful when it comes to scheming,  problem-solving and engaging in sorcery.

Yesterday my Code Enforcement Officer, may his God bless his soul (seriously), reminded me that I was wrong to trust the government.

He's the same guy that evicted the veteran next door based upon the complaints of the gun-toting neighbor. The gun-toting neighbor would brandish his pistol when the neighbors parked in front of my house.  I asked them to park in front of my house to keep my stalker away.

Mr. Anti-Gun Safety never pointed his pistol at my stalker.

I think the code enforcement guy has empathy he just lacks the ability to connect with people.  That ability would probably be hazardous to his occupation.

The issue is probably one of poor management, lack of investigation and/or crazy quotas.  I mean the city doesn't pay attention when I tell them about the neighbor and his gun.  At least the cops don't care.  Neighborhood services tried to mediate but that won't work when the neighbor likes his power.

He's entitled to enjoy power.

That's okay.

I enjoy the sight of his footprint in chili powder and I'll like the sight of the moving vans even more.

When it comes to the tree,

I'm saddened that I thought the problem had been solved only to find out that it has not.

I've got to come up with $2,000 for the tree and $1,500 to repair my old Buick (cracked head gasket).

My credit cards are maxed out due to attorney fees trying to get CO-PEP to listen.  I had no idea that they were funded by the Fatherhood Initiative.  That explains why the lawyers lied for him.  Fatherhood.gov is anti-woman.  It's anti-child.  It certainly spreads a lot of myths about domestic violence (hint: it's not an anger management problem).

One of these days, perhaps, they'll wake up and see that gutting a guy's child support by lying about his life circumstances will only keep him from his kids.  Men in this situation will voluntary stay away.  The last thing my ex wants is for me to know he's not a homeless alcoholic.

Too late.....I figured it out.  He's lucky the City is making me too poor to hire an attorney.

I still have my green and black candles.

Green candles and basil can help me find the funds.

Black candles and chili powder will make me smile again.

I'm applying for credit cards.  I haven't been successful yet. If I can't get the credit, I'll do my best to think positive.

We need to lose weight anyway.  There goes my grocery money for the next three to four months.

I'll make it work.

If only the city had been more forthcoming about it last month, I could have raided my IRA during renewal time.  If I do it now, I'll have an additional 10% fee (not counting the 40% tax).

There goes my retirement.

*******

I have let my vexation list grow a tad bit too long.

I haven't done anything to stop

CO-PEP (The sexist Fatherhood Initiative coddling deadbeat dads at the expense of single mothers),

the murderous pitbull ban,

the harassment of the homeless,

and the racial discrimination on the part of the peace department.

I should probably hot foot the nutball next door who screams at us when we whack the weeds in the backyard by the fence. He also yells at my exterminator.

There is someone else who needs the DUME treatment.

I need to walk my talk so to speak.

On the bright side, there are a lot of supplies in my house.  I found them while cleaning.

The energy is lacking.

I need to raise my energy.

I'm going to share the photos that I use when I'm pissed off and need to give a passionate speech or curse someone.  These were leaked photos of the dogs killed in 2016 due to the pit bull ban.

Here are a few of them:

Each one of these dogs was loved. 

Each dog represents a family that doesn't trust the government any more. 

This puppy seemed so full of life until an asshat touched it.

Why are men so cruel?

I read that more than 3,4000 pit bulls were killed by Denver between 1999-2009.  

What makes the lives of men more important than the lives of their best friends? 

Laugh if you want - revel in your delusion that you're superior to this species - then watch Independence Day or Terminator.

It would seem that the collective unconscious understands that humans are going to find or create a race of beings intellectually superior to them.

If they are anything like us, we can kiss our sorry asses goodbye. 

We're lucky that the dolphins haven't tried to kill us yet (just teasing....maybe). 

*****

I don't know if I should beg Artemis to forgive these political asshats who push to kill dogs.

Artemis is one of our household Gods so I don't think I'll beg for the forgiveness of idiots who refuse to listen to reason.  They're wrong.  They make excuses.  As long as they refuse to see the error of their ways I'm not sure it's wise to beg their forgiveness.

I can beg that they see the light.

It's incredibly hard for me to imagine that the Jesus of Christianity is okay with men murdering the pets, family members (or in my religion, familiars) of their brethren.  If he's the same Jesus I read about in the New Testament, I don't believe this is okay with him.

Then again, that's why I'm no longer Christian.

I have a lot of issues with Christianity.

I will always think that Romans was a chapter written by government handlers to garner respect for their pitiful behavior.

Maybe I should read a passage or two before I hit the Psalms.

Roman 13 always gets me going.  It's the one that says that government authority was put into place by God.

Whose God?

Not mine.

I wonder what the Great Spirit of Native American mythology thought about the corrupt US government murdering the native peoples.

That government wasn't chosen by The Great Spirit.

Jeff Sessions recently invoked Romans 13 to justify Trump's crap.  I hate Hillary.  I dislike Trump.  Sessions should get it through his thick skull that most United States citizens are not Bible thumpers.  Uninformed comments like that will probably cost Trump his next campaign.

Idiots do what idiots do.

It's sad when idiots are not teachable.

Or when one has to expend an incredible amount of energy teaching idiots lessons on human decency.

*****

Witches do what witches do.

Let me get in my mood and then I'll do what I do.

Witchcraft is the challenge I wanted to overcome in this life.  It won't happen.  I will not learn how to defeat bullies without raising energy in this lifetime.

My seventeen-year-old self would be so damn disappointed in me! I refused to curse my rapist.  I found my resolve to leave bullies alone weakening by the time I was 29.

The bullies started to piss me off.  Sadly, my stalker used a Denver cop to harass me.  He was eventually fired because he harassed a lot of people.

I had to turn to herbal spells to be rid of Sgt. Cook.

I didn't expect Shannon or her dad to die the days I lit the black candles.

*****

I need to put the anger to good use.

I thank the local government for reminding me of who I am.

My demons have been lonely.

I'll wake them up with the gift of fire.

Cue the cackling,

Some Spiteful Witch,

S.

The Most Dangerous Words In My Lexicon: I'll Take Care of It

Today I am thankful for a threat from the City of Aurora to take me to court over another tree: it reminds me that a deal with the government is akin to a deal with the devil

(if you believe in the devil). 

There is a tree on the property line.  It was planted by the person who owned the house prior to me and the guy who used to own the house next door.

I think there was something going on between these two because there was actually a secret entrance from my fence into the neighbor's backyard.  There is a little sidewalk that used to go into each property. The woman who owned my house was a single mom.  The guy next door was married and he said he was at my house all the time.

Oh...

Now the entire sidewalk in on my side of the neighbor's illegal fence.  Yes....my former neighbor wanted to put up a fence that was against the code.  The city told me to ignore it so I made him do it on his property.

This guy started to engage in crazy home improvements on his property without permits.  He'd cut down my fence (and was forced to rebuild it).  He cut the cable.  He did all sorts of strange things.

Worst of all, his contractors would fight in my front yard on those days when I stayed up until 4:00 am making meditation recordings.

Their fighting woke me up....so...

One Tuesday, I did a ritual to Ares outside to show them how people who love fighting honor the art.  There is probably a blog entry about that.  His contractors were kids who liked to wear their pants so low that their underwear was exposed.  One does not have to act like a gangster to wage war.

The guy wound up moving shortly afterward and selling to my gun-toting neighbor.

I guess the bloody steak and my ritual crooning was too much for him to bear.

I should act that one out again if the hot foot powder doesn't work.

Because I fear the new neighbor losing his cool if he's asked to pay to cut down the tree, I agreed to let the city help me with that expense*.

They asked me if they could write ME up for the tree on both properties.  Because I expected them to help cut it down, I allowed them to write me up for the dead tree.



Once they wrote me up, all communication seemed to be cut off.  I called once two weeks ago asking what was going on and I was assured they would help...

but today.....they're threatening court and jail.....

That's what I get for trusting the local government.

I'll take care of it.

I'm going to start by going to the county to see if they put a lien on my house.  If not, I'll ask the city to send me back the documents they had me sign.

I am considering sharing feedback with the head of Neighborhood Services.  The reason I don't share feedback with the city is that they tend to illegally fine their employees in cash for crazy crap. I've heard of fines ranging from $300 (for answering a hypothetical question about voting) to $1,000 (for staying home with a sick child).  My family was hit for $500 because my ex had a book on his desk; my ex sued and found out that the fine was to intimidate him into quitting because he was overweight. I should publish the transcripts from the depositions and share the nasty emails I received from the former head of the Tax Audit Department.  No, I'm not a monster: I'll block out the names.

The fines are the only thing I have been unable to get fixed at the city.  Recently, I visited with the HR and was told that they haven't changed their employee handbook.  The illegal fine policy is listed on the last page.

Sigh...

That's why I wind up fighting tax hikes and running for office.  It's really the only way to expose the devil in their details without causing someone to be fined.

*******

I'm wondering if I should ask the neighbor for help and risk a bullet in my head -or-

if I should take out another credit card.

I found myself saying in a phone message to the code enforcement officer at the city:

"I'll take care of it."

I will.

The last time I said that to a government employee, it was to an Assistant City Attorney.  It was August 6, 2008.  I reported the illegal $500 fine and the freaky city lawyer became nasty about it, laughed and asked what I was going to do to stop them.

She hung up the phone before I could answer.

I prayed to my Gods about it.

Hermes answered in the strangest way.

I also blogged about it in numerous venues. Shortly after that, I met some politically minded people and we started a Political Action Committee to fight the city's funding.

I hope I'm too busy for that now.

There is a mood I get into when I take on the government;

I talk differently,

I walk differently,

I fight differently,

and my fear goes entirely out of the window.

This is just another lesson that the government cannot be trusted.

I'll take care of it.

*****

I'm filling out credit card applications online.

I'm asking for tree removal recommendations.

I'm debating if I should risk the guy next door shooting at me.

I have ways of getting my money back.  I just don't like to utilize them.

I'll take care of it.

I wonder if those funds for home improvement ever get audited?

Hmmm….

I'll take care of it.

Every month when I pay that new credit card bill (if I qualify), I'm going to think about how many other people this happens to

and I'll vow to take care of it.

They waited until my birthday to threaten me.

Isn't that cute?

That's my worst day of the year.

I'm always in a shitty mood on my birthday.

This is going to be fun.

Worse.....

I believe that whatever you do on your birthday is indicative of what you're going to be doing for the next 365 days.

Since I just learned of an incredibly unconstitutional thing out of Morgan County that probably should go to the press (may have to wait until October just to see if they have the balls to risk trouble with the State and Federal government....that's when the judge will rule on the Sheriff's illegal request).

and then I was threatened with possible jail time for cooperating with the city...

It would seem that I'm going to spend the next year fighting the government and scheming against people who are not quite honest and transparent.

I promise to do my very best not to resort to curses.

I try to avoid witchcraft.

I'm good at the dark magick.  It scares the holy crap out of me.

I avoid casting spells.  I've fallen back on my old ways of late.

Yeah.....I have a quick little spell that I call the Law Enforcement Revenue Enhancement Spell that I cast on people who tailgate me or nearly run over pedestrians and motorcyclists.  It empowers vehicles to become cop magnets.  The intention is to educate motorists about driving safety.

Maybe I should change that up into a car break-down spell just so the universe gets them off the road.

It's stupid for a libertarian witch to wish to increase government funding.

I'll take care of it.

I promise.

I only hope that I will be as kind as I was in 2009.  It only cost $70 million smackers and one person had a jeep accident (but she was very violent....seriously....violent.....she sent me the nasty emails and probably had some road rage going on).   She continued to harass me until the high priced lawyers the city hired told her to leave me alone.

I should know better than to trust the government.

Lesson learned.

If this was done on purpose, I guess the City Council misses my frightening face.

That won't have to be the case much longer.

Although this blog is partly fiction, some of the material is real.

Truth be told, magick won't necessarily fix anything.  There are more obnoxious ways of reminding them that they cannot be trusted.  I don't want this to happen to someone else.

I'll take care of it.

I'm not sure how I'll do it yet.

Rest assured I will.

I feel betrayed and set up by the local government...…again.

I should know better.

I'll take care of it.

I wonder where the promised funds came from in the first place?

I'd bet there are rules that the city must follow to get these funds.

I'd bet that those rules were broken.

Let me do my research.

I'll go back to filling out credit card applications.

I'll try to avoid my famous "get a better job" for city employees spell.  If these people were put up to setting me up, they need better jobs.

The city manager will fine them if they do not comply with requests, even if they are illegal.  Gosh, that policy needs to change. It can only lead to corruption.

I just learned that I was duped.  I checked the city website.  There is no program that would help with the tree.  So why did they need all my financials, paycheck stubs, and bank statements?  Why did they visit my yard?

This is heartbreaking.

It's sad.  It truly is.

I was hoping that my mistrust was wrong.

I wonder who the mastermind was?

Well, bitches and witches don't need names to cast a curse.

We just target the program.

It's a good thing that I have a lot of war paint.

It would seem that the universe wants to remind me that the government isn't trustworthy.

Perhaps its a reminder that I need to get back into activism.

Lesson learned.

I could cast a spell for money but I don't like casting spells - so I'll look for a fourth job.  My hours were cut down to 18 a week, so I'm doing hypnosis on the side.  I have school and am trying to get my hours so I can be licensed.

If I need more money, I'll guess I'll have to find it somewhere else.

The universe must want me to continue to fight the local government.  I guess that's what I need to do.

I tried to cooperate.  One cannot cooperate with people who play games, lie about nonexistent help or try to trap you into taking responsibility for an issue that doesn't solely belong to you.

I'll take care of it.

I'll get my money back in spades.

Love ya,


S.


Edit three days later:  I have learned that the city will pay for the tree using tax dollars collected from people who smoke pot.  I really don't like being in a situation where I cannot come up with a couple of thousand dollars on the fly.

My engine gave out on the way home.   A driver pulled up behind me as my hazard light flashes and followed to the nearest mechanic, who luckily, was the guy who fixed the head gasket and exhaust manifold a couple of months ago.

The car feels like they're still bad.

I have to say that the people who live in Aurora are great.

The government scares me.  It's not really the employees so much as it is the leadership.   It's not the Mayor, he's just a figurehead.   It's the legal team and the City Manager that I don't trust.

As individuals, the people seem all right.  It's the gestalt of the organization that bugs me.  The organization is too darn big to get answers.  The individual people come together to create this monstrosity that is hard to navigate.

The punitive management style is irksome.  The most distressing thing to me is that a government, tasked with creating laws and enforcing them, fails to honor the most basic Federal laws.

They illegally fine their employees.

The fines make it hard to share feedback.  I don't want someone fined for bullshit so I stay silent about things - good and bad.

I owe a cop some gratitude.  He told me about a volunteer opportunity with addicts.

It's the little things...

My prayers about the fines may have been answered but I'll have to stay quiet for now.

Good magick and good activism have to be done stealthfully.

Let's just say....others are disgusted about the way that some governments illegally create revenue.  They really shouldn't be creating revenue on the backs of their employees.

I need to seek them out.

The Problem with Hang Up Calls

Today I am realizing that the stalking isn't quite over and that I have to relocate. 

I've been getting a lot of hang-up calls on the landline.  Typically they are robocalls or calls from my ex-husband's bill collectors.

There have been a few over the past couple of days that scare me.

The phone will ring twice before I'll answer.  I will say "hello" and there will silence on the line before the call disconnects.

I don't accept blocked calls anymore.  I can see the numbers that call.

I'll call them back.

When you call a robocall back, you tend to reach a non-working number.

When you call a bill collecter back, you'll speak to someone on staff trying to extort information out of you.

When you call back a hang-up call and get a personal answering machine that does not divulge any information, it can be a little bit scary.  When this happens several times a day, it can be unnerving.

I used to get hang up calls right before I'd catch my ex-husband's sister breaking into the house.

The police said that she would call to see if I were home.

If I didn't answer, she'd be on the doorstep with a bump key in the lock within minutes.

This is happening far too much.

If I Google the number, I don't find anything.

Things are going to escalate, aren't they?

Sigh.....

I wonder if things would improve if I changed the landline number.  I'd hate to do that because I don't want to be accused of making it hard for the ex to contact the kids (even though he still has their mobile numbers).

Perhaps if I disconnect the landline, then there will be no further calls to see if someone is home.  There would be no way to track us using the phone.

I know the hang-up calls are not someone trying to get ahold of the kids as they each have their own personal phone number.

The only thing I can imagine is that the former in-laws or my ex-are up to the same game.  No one hangs up if they have business with you.  If they have a wrong number, they won't keep calling.

This is bizarre.

It could simply be time for me to get a real job so I can afford a better security system.

In the end, that's probably the best thing I can do.

Stay safe out there,

S.

The Evil Eye is Really Just a Hex Message

Today I am thankful for a new lesson: I can't have dogs without an epi-pen.

The other day, I had a job interview.  The job would be an immediate pay cut -but- the experience is exactly what I need if I want to be a drug and alcohol counselor.

I've seen too many people die of an opioid overdose in the past eighteen months.

To be incredibly open about it, the only reason I haven't worked in the field is that I don't like the government.  I don't trust the government.  I have a very hard time working in a field where most of the funding comes from the government.

I found the perfect company.  It's private pay only.

If I'm hired, my boss would be a libertarian.

It's exciting -but-

I'm still in school and can't be as flexible as it appears they'd need me to be to suit their business.

I really need more experience with heroin addicts.

So, I haven't decided if I want to pursue the job as a recovery coach.

It gets even better....

the facility is a block away from my office!

Sigh.....

*****
I've sworn off men.  I have to tell myself lies to keep myself from dating.

I tell myself that I'm gross, overweight and ugly.

My self-talk is even worse than that.  I know the reason I do that is because I don't want to get caught up in another relationship with someone who either lies about me or stalks me.

I'll probably check in with a doctor about that because it's not healthy to make up crap about your body that your doctors disagree with.

I am incredibly embarrassed by my appearance.

It's very rare that I meet anyone that I am even remotely interested in.

When I do that, I have to make up crap about looking like a dude or having non-working parts or something just to keep my head down.

On Saturday, when I had that rare spark of interest, I decided I was going to adopt a dog.

I went to the pound.

They had numerous dogs that resembled my spirit animal.

I'm small, golden haired and bark at the slightest thing out of place.  If you piss me off, I'll bite your ankles off.

I've always thought that Chihuahuas were my spirit animal.  Sadly, I'm highly allergic to them.  

They didn't have many dogs up for adoption, most of the dogs there were for court cases, so I drove the hypnomobile to Westminster which is about forty minutes away.

I drive like an old lady so it is about an hour away.

Apparently, the city has to rent out space from a pet shop in a town 20 miles away due to the stupid pit bull ban.  Having this space will allow them to find homes for the pit bulls without killing them.

Now, I'm not a fan of the woman who runs the shelter -but- I have to say I respect her for this.  Since she's run the shelter, I haven't seen blood all over the brick walls from the dogs wagging their tails.

I'm still not happy about the German Shepherd they tried to put down because they mistook it for a wolf -or- the picture of the pile of dead pit bulls when the ban went into effect (she wasn't there for the second item).

I guess this is a creative way to make lemonade out of the lemons the idiotic city council (and the voters who supported them) gave her.  In this probably healthier than what some of us may have done.



The tide is turning.

I foresee the pit bull ban will be lifted within the next year or so.

******
At the Westminster shelter, I fell in love with a male poodle named Prancer.  I played with him and he licked me.  I didn't get hives.

It literally met a guy and found myself wondering if he were the one!

I was sure I was going to take him home.

I took videos and arranged for my daughter to come see him.

Then....I started to have trouble breathing.

It wasn't too bad...at least not at first.

The weirdest part was the woman that runs the shelter showed up.

I left determined to come back the next day.

I perused the store looking for doggo supplies.

What other bed could a dog have in a houseful of nerds? 

I love this chew toy but, alas, they're out of stock. 

As I walked through the aisles planning the budget, I spied the woman who runs the dog pound at my city giving me the evil eye!

That was funny.

I didn't think she knew who I was.

Perhaps she did - few people are as freakishly looking as I am.

Sigh.....

I went home with the videos of the dog to share with the eldest.

On the ride home, one of the kid's eyes turned beet red.  I had to pull over because I began having trouble breathing.

I started to have pain in my neck and left ear.  I'm still having it....three days later!

I called a doctor and was told that there is really no way of knowing if the pup I wanted caused the allergic reaction or if it were the dander of the other dogs.  She suggested that I only adopt from shelters that specialize in poodles so that I know for sure that I'm not allergic to the dog.

The biggest nightmare would be to adopt a dog and have to surrender him to the shelter.

Sigh....

I hope they don't kill the pup if he doesn't find a home right away.

******
I may just hire a therapist to review the reasons I fear getting intimate with men.  In my world, I know therapists of just about any specialty.

At first, I thought I needed a cosmetic surgeon.

Maybe I don't.

Maybe I just need to realize that at my age, no one expects physical perfection.

If I can jump into another Ph.D. program, I'll be too busy to worry about it.

I'm eyeing two schools; both require residency in California.

*****
I've uncovered something politically creepy about the issue with my ex.  If you remember, the State of Colorado paid for three lawyers to drop his child support.

They weren't interested in the truth.  They literally lied to me to get me to agree to drop it.

They claimed he was in a 27-month drug and alcohol rehab program that would forbid him from working.  My ex-swears up and down that this isn't the truth (after I signed a statement agreeing to gut his support and sent it to the court).

My ex won't comply with the court orders to tell me where he lives or works.  He's playing games with visitation.  I'm not sure if I should waste money I don't have to take him back to court to try to revisit child support and rework the visitation schedule to something he can live with or just let it go.

He's not seeing the kids now.  He's not calling them.  I fear that if this doesn't change soon, he will irreparably harm the relationships he has with them.

I can't keep throwing thousands of dollars at lawyers when he doesn't cooperate.

This is maddening.

I don't know if he's a drug addict or not.  That makes it hard for me to want to help him with anything any more.

I've learned that the National Fatherhood Initiative* is one of many pork projects that are paying for the lawyers of deadbeat dads.  It is paying for housing, food, legal fees, job training, education and other things for fathers (not mothers) without regard to income.

If a mother wants TANF or SNAP she's interrogated and put on time limits.  There are NO funds to help battered women with a divorce or child support issues.

The National Fatherhood Initiative will even pick up the legal fees for custody issues for fathers (regardless of criminal background).  This is why violent felons are ending up with custody, 70% of the time!

It's disgusting.  I always thought my ex used government funds to take me to court just because it was offensive to my sensibilities as a libertarian - but now, I know that the patriarchy is alive and well within the government.

Now, I know which battleships* must be shot out of the water.

Sigh.....

It goes much deeper than Colorado.

I have bigger fish to fry than a crazy chick who is going to wrinkle by glaring at me in a pet shop.  I hope she's successful in saving the majority of the dogs.

As disgusted as I am with her defending the indefensible actions of her underlings, I have mad respect for some of the things she has done.  Her predecessor was a hot mess.  At least I can say some good things about this woman.

Now, if only she can train her employees better.

Luckily for several people, I still cannot speak due to my sore throat.  Breathing is tough.  I'll see if I can carve out time to visit a doctor tomorrow.

******


The allergies suck.  We have a pear tree that is finally bearing fruit.

The sad thing?  We are all allergic to pears!!

When we planted the tree, we didn't think it would be an issue.  For me, I thought pears were supposed to make your mouth tingle.

Nope.....

I need to find someone who can tell me how to figure out when the food is ripe and if there is a pantry that will want the pears.

They are completely organic!

It is a huge harvest.  Large harvests typically mean horrible winters.  Make sure you have good snow tires this year.

Sigh....

Love ya,

S.