We Are Responsible for Our Own Safety.

Today I am thankful that I understand that we are responsible for our own safety. 

I'm having a single-mommy money crunch moment and am scrambling to find $4,600  $5,100. 

Long story short, I've been so lazy in the past 18 months, I've used the mechanic down the street for all of my car repairs.  He's only two blocks away so it's easy for me to drop the car off and walk down the street to pick it up.  

Yes I'm stupid.  I should have caught on when the water pump kept going out every six months. 

I'd take the car in, he'd do $500 worth of work and I'd pick my car only to have it die within a day.  The second day, it would need $1,300 worth of repairs. 

I guess it takes three events for me to see a pattern.

In January 2017, I had the car towed to the mechanic by my house.  The water pump went out.  Soon after the steering column needed repaired. 

In May, the car was leaking coolant, I took it in and the mechanic replaced the water pump a second time.  That day, I had the mechanic put new brakes on the car. 

Well.....when I picked up the car and drove it home, I noticed a huge line of Dexcool running down the street where was driving. 

I took the car back and spent a little over a thousand for a new intake manifold. 

The car hasn't ran very well since that day. 

It started making a squeaking sound and didn't like to accelerate.  I took it back last month.  The mechanic replaced some wires for $300.  I drove the car home. 

The squeaking sound turned into a grinding sound.  I drove the car right back to the mechanic. 

Two days later he told me it needed a new transmission. 

It would cost $3,000.

Then, I read the reviews for this mechanic.

Um......it's not uncommon for people to claim their cars are damaged in his shop.

Rather than take it back again, I had the car towed to my favorite mechanic.  He's far away.  He doesn't advertise.  I can never remember the name of his shop.  

In a dream, I saw Jesus. 

That's when I realized the name of his business was JC. 

This guy is uber-Christian. 

He spent hours looking at the car.  This mechanic will never say a bad word about a competitor. 

I was upset. 

The water pump was out.....again. 

One of the radiator hoses wasn't put on correctly which probably led to the transmission overheating and ruining it. 

My sway bar is busted as are the links on the right side.  It wasn't rusted.  It was BUSTED. 

They sheered off the lug nuts on one of my wheels!  This explains why I lost my hubcaps shortly after they fixed the brakes. 

The damage? 

$4,600.  

*******

I called the dealer who sold me the car. 

All I had to do was say...

"Hi, this is [name that means girl], I bought a Buick...." 

I was greeted with 

"The hypnotist!  How is my wife's former car?"

I told him. 

He's like....well, at least you'll never go back to that shop again. 

No, I won't. 

I like this dealer.  His father sold cars to my dad back in Sheridan in the 70's. 

He gave me credit when no one else would.  I was able to pay this car off in two months. 

I never took the title to the DMV.  I guess I should do that some day. 

We spoke. 

He said, he'd be happy to sell me another car but, in all honestly, my car only has 80,000 miles.  Most of the parts and hoses are new.  Buicks can run forever if you keep the fluid changed regularly.  

He thought I'd be better off putting in a used transmission and keeping the car. 

My mechanic was hesitant.  Used transmissions don't have warranties. 

In the end we decided that we know what is wrong with this car so I won't be inheriting too many mystery problems that belonged to other people.  It's not the bad transmission that upsets me - on my car, it's not abnormal for the transmission to go out around 80,000 miles.  It's more that I took the car in numerous times for inspection and not once did the mechanic say that the motor mount was bad or the sway bar was busted.  At the first hint of squeaking, I took the car in to have the brakes redone a few months ago, they did not tell me the lug nut studs had broken off of the front wheel and sent me on my way.  

I wouldn't have minded paying for repairs even if they broke the lug nut studs.  It was an old car and things rust -but- it's scary that I could have killed someone driving down the mountain highway from Aspen to Denver if I had lost a wheel.  The poor transmission probably saved my life if not the lives of other people on the road because it got me a proper diagnosis.

I would have appreciated the other mechanic being honest.  I'll never take my car back to him.  

If I can find $4,600  $5,100 plus tax on parts, I can keep my Hypnomobile.   I just learned that fluid had damaged some part of the timing chain.

Sigh....

I just need the car to last me until I get my license to practice drug counseling.  I need it to last two to three years.

My mechanic thinks it will last five years. 

One of the credit cards I applied for when I thought I needed to scramble to pay for the tree removal was approved and I received it today.  

It has 0% interest for 14 months. 

That'll give me enough time to find a home equity loan to pay it off. 

******

I am the fence about spending $5,000 on a lawyer to make sure my ex pays child support. 

I'm not talking about the dinky amount due to him lying about being a homeless addict. 

He was originally ordered to pay $942 plus health insurance.  When they recalculated his child support it was around $1188 a month.  He made good money. 

He never paid it.  He doesn't carry insurance on the kids.

I hate Medicaid.  

I'm scrambling to find a job with health insurance.  The company I am working for now offers an older type plan with $10 co-payments and a $1,000 deductible.  I was hired in late November last year.  The premium would be over $500. 

They promised me health insurance within three months of hire.  So far, I haven't gotten it.  

I'm realizing now that it will never happen.

I'm interviewing in rehab centers in the hopes of getting a job that will make licensing go quicker and offer me the chance to buy affordable health coverage. 

It will be a pay cut but I only work in the hopes of getting insurance for the kids.

******

There are times when I think I should hire an attorney to sort out the mess with my ex. 

Then.....I read stories about kids murdered by their father because of child support hearings.

Being an impoverished mother is probably better than being a mother in mourning. 

My ex has called me up with some crazy crap in the past two years. 

He's accused an aunt of ignoring him in downtown Denver.  My aunt says she hasn't been down town in over five years. 

Of course, he's accused me of stalking him which is why he won't give me the financials he's court ordered to share every year.  He thinks I'll take this information and call his boss in an effort to get him fired. 

I've never done that. 

His sister has done that to me. 

I've never done it. 

He's a lot like my wheels - he has a couple of lug nuts loose. 

I don't want to mess with it.  

It's better to keep him at arm's length.  If he pushes overnight visitation, then I'll go after him for the past due child support and the judgments I have against him. 

He owes me $56,000 or so. 

He hasn't seen the kids since he left except to take them a movie and run off on them. 

I'd feel more confident in his parenting ability if his crazy stories would stop.  The crazy stories are ways of making himself a victim and justifying his game playing. 

I really ought to push for a therapist become involved but I'm not sure he'd cooperate.  

Judges let abusers see their kids all the time. It's about parental rights rather than children's needs.  Children don't need to feel threatened.  They don't need an awkward conversation every three years with someone who engages in emotional abuse. 

The problem with parental rights is the abuse and murder.  Dysfunctional, narcissistic parents often murder their kids to hurt the other parents.  Judges are blind to psychology.  They ignore abuse.

That could be because narcissists tend to be charismatic and believable.  They're victims tend to seem scattered and scared - not the kind of people judges believe. 

It breaks my heart. 

There was another murder recently.  A father murdered his teenagers because of child support.  He had a contempt hearing and didn't want to pay. 

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/two-sleeping-indiana-teens-shot-dead-by-father-who-kills-himself/ar-AAAtQlr?ocid=spartandhp

Could that be the fate awaiting my kids? 

My ex is unhinged.  His family does his bidding.  I'm too afraid to push it. 

My ex is probably going to get off Scot free.

Dysfucktional people tend to get their way because they're crazy.

******

I've decided to let that mechanic off Scot free, too.  I won't sue.  I will tell my neighbors to stay away.

He'll be out of business soon.

He's in his eighties.

I only hope I don't take this experience and turn it into ageism.

The lawyer who screwed me over was in his eighties, too.

I have to check my newly acquired bias now.

It may not be the professionals who screwed up so much as it was more likely their employees.  The mechanic had a younger guy do all the work.  The lawyer had a paralegal do all the work on the case (boy....was she pissed when she saw how much home equity I had earned in the past year...she made some snarky comments...my house was worth next to nothing during the divorce).

The reviews for the law office referenced a rude paralegal and bad legal advice which cost people a lot of money.

I probably won't mess around with family law.  I may be better off putting a rude man's name in the freezer.

*******

We are responsible for our own safety.   

I need a safe car. 

I need to stay safe from an ex-husband who puts his family up to stalking me. 

I need to keep the kids safe. 

It's up to me.  The authorities cannot help (if they even care to help).

911 is slow.

That's why I have to own a gun and teach my kiddos how to shoot.

That's why I have to try to avoid dysfunctional people.

I need a safe car so I don't cause an accident and risk myself or a stranger bleeding to death in a tin can on the highway waiting for an ambulance.

I need to find a way to pay off all of this debt.

The state sure nickels and dimes professionals.  My goodness.  I have to pay for several licenses for each of my jobs.  I must spend $300 a year on government licensing fees (on even years it's insurance and on odd years it's psychotherapy).

It's exhausting. 

I'll survive this mess.

One challenge at a time. 

Love ya, 

S.