Freedom

Today I am thankful that I am free. 

I passed the test. 

It was negative. 

I am free to be me. 

Now, I'm sucking down lemon balm and rose tea to rid myself of heartbreak! 

To complete the spell, I have to bury an egg and thirteen walnuts. 

We shall never feel each other again. 

I am so happy!

No man will ever again get to own me! 

I am free! 
Love ya,

S.

Celibacy

Today I am thankful for the lessons I learned from the most recent relationship fiasco.

Celibacy rocks! 

I will never again bitch about sleeping alone. 

I have a new appreciation for my former sexless marital life.

Celibacy means never sorting out another person's mind games. 

It means I don't have to worry about expensive estrogen pills that make me sick...

or trying not to snore in the middle of the night. 

Celibacy means not sucking down simethicone tablets so one doesn't fart while being plowed. 

Celibacy means not worrying about lustful north migration and bumping heads on the headboard.

Celibacy means not worrying about the garlic one ate at dinner,

whether or not the hair is trimmed short,

whether the legs or smooth,

or if you have spare underwear in the glove compartment.

Ah, maybe my life isn't so bad after all. 

It's all good! 

I guess the trick is finding someone who is worth the estrogen, the simethicone, and the Nair. 

Love,

S.

Lemon Balm Tea

Today I am thankful for Lemon Balm Tea. 

I blocked my "boyfriend" akin the old saying "out of sight, out of mind."

Oh, if it only worked that way.

It turns out that he is insane. 

Or he doesn't listen. 

It makes more sense that he is insane.

He is angry that my divorce is final in eleven days.  He pretended to forget that we delayed the final hearing so my ex could get a tidy tax refund.  We had that talk months ago before I let him get me alone.  He said he was an anarchist, so the government didn't define my relationship in his eyes. 

Well....I wanted time alone and away from craziness in his life and he threw my divorce in my face.

It was his ace in the hole.  I wasn't ready for a relationship.  I let him push me and now I'm pond scum because I didn't wait for my divorce to be final.

I remember him asking if an eight year celibacy streak was enough time alone. 

I guess it wasn't.

It was more like seven years. 

Because he bitched about my marital status, I told him that I would avoid him until the divorce was final and my ex took his last box out of the house.   He's got so much crap over here, some of it boxed up prior to 1994, he won't be gone anytime soon (even if he moves out). 

 I'm sure my former boyfriend will find another love by the time that happens.

He's a Leo.  Everything is a fight.  If I want five minutes to myself, it's a fight. 

I needed a weekend away from his family dynamics.  I needed a weekend away from being pushed for sex. 

I have awful memories of his mother calling during moments we were close. 

His mother dictates when I go home by when she lets him see his daughter.  I can only imagine how controlling she will be when she has both his son and daughter. 

Then, I'm going to stay mum on what the Gyno told me.

Well....maybe I should say....I don't know. 

My birth control isn't effective.  We don't know why.  It could be that the pain medications I am taking are messing with my liver and so my body isn't processing it as it should.  If one is spotting all the time, she's not safe to screw unless you like watching her knit booties. 

I can't knit....so....

I can't be with a guy until I try something else (unless he likes rain jackets). 

I love ginger and parsley tea.  I'll suck that down to make sure nothing comes of this little fling.

I'll suck the Lemon Balm to get over my feelings.  Black candles, lemon balm, and eggs. 

I even have the perfect lighter. 

I bought it for Steve before he went bonkers. 

It was a custom Zippo made in brass. 

It had his name on the lid. 

It had a Bob Marley quote on it "Light up the darkness."

He likes to light cheap apple scented candles when he's feeling amorous.  Aphrodite likes apples, so I always thought that was a cute thing to do.  I bought him a huge three wick apple candle from Yankee Candle. 

I was going to let him ponder the meaning of the gift. 

To me "light up the darkness" means fighting for the underdog.  The fact that Bob Marley said it makes it about social activism.  I wanted to see how Mr. Reads-Too-Much-Into-Everything would take it. 

I wanted to flirt with him by dropping it off on his porch, wrapped in tissue inside an apple scented wooden box with a sweet and loving Christmas ornament as a bow.  The ornament was pewter.  It was inscribed "with loving thoughts of you at Christmas." 

I thought he would enjoy pondering what was on my mind when I bought everything. 

I never got to give it to him.  His mother and father wanted to do something with him and picked him up several hours earlier that originally planned. 

I never got to drop the gift off. 

He only wanted me to drop it off if it led to sex.  Sex on that day would have led to babies....

NO!! 

I made the right decision for everyone involved.  My friend....myself....his mother.  

His mom...well... she's getting far too old to steal another child from her son. 

Then he sent me this email about how gift giving makes me break up with him.  No....he bitches and gives me the suggestion that I'm breaking up with him.  Then he whines about my life.  Then he attacks. Then he's gone. 

This time...he blamed Bitcoin. 

Bitcoin made him crazier than a pit bull foaming at the mouth.

Don't ask me. 

I don't know. 

I give up. 

I am not ready for any relationship. 

I should be laughing at the absurdity of it all. 

I'm crying. 

I'm not ready for a relationship. 

I don't know if I should write about my disdain for Porn Star Sex.  Sex is NOT supposed to be what we see on TV.  It's supposed to be down and dirty.  It's supposed to be real and spontaneous.  Look, I'd rather have a short dirty scream fest than 40 minute yoga fun. 

Do I mention the nightmare of shushing?

Ugh!!

Some women actually like fellatio.  If she's bleeding all the damn time, there are alternatives. 

I feel lost and inhibited around him. 

If I can't do one thing....and I can't do the others....what is left to do?

I don't know if I should write about my penchant for buying bass guitars after break ups.  

I bought a five string Steinberger after Thomas.

I got a custom made five string Koa wood Peavey after Ross. 

Mike promised me a fretless Fender.  I sold my guitars to stay afloat.  I am saving up for a fretless bass. 

Steve....what is that worth?  An eight week fling where we spend half of it arguing over some stupid things he wrote on Facebook? 

Hmmmm.......do they make bass guitars cheap enough? 

I know.....I know.....

I think I'll go out and buy myself a kazoo and make all the damn noise I want to make!!! 

Love ya,

S. 

Witchy Life Experiences

Today I am thankful for knowing what life experiences I DO NOT want to repeat.

 

 

I feel as though I have spent my entire adult life extricating my lovers' gonads from their mothers' smothering arms. 

 

I never want to do that again.   

 

My current love has somehow managed to allow his mother to control her grandchildren (his children).  This gives her a certain amount of control over him.  He has become her puppet. 

She has already (allegedly) made mention that he should leave "people like [me] alone."   That's enough for me.  I've not really been comfy with the relationship since my boyfriend told me that. 

Now, I'm less comfortable than ever.  It's a long story and one I don't understand.  Either he withheld information from me for some unknown reason -or- his mother withheld information from him.  Either way, it puts me in an uncomfortable position where I feel rushed into meeting his children. 

Now, there are general rules that I learned in social work school about meeting another single parents children.  Typically your relationship ought to be on solid ground for over three months before one does that.  We haven't had two months of a continuous romance.  I'm not ready. 

This man does not have custody of his children.  His mother has custody of one.  His ex wife the other.  He rarely sees them and his mother is the gatekeeper to time with his offspring. 

You'd have to kill me before you could do that to my babies.  If an old geezette wants a baby, she can adopt one of her own or try IVF.  There is no reason to steal your grandbabies....none...nada...zip!

Having a mother as a gatekeeper for your kiddos gives her an awful lot of unnatural control over your life. 

 

I will never again spend time with a man whose mother has him by the balls. 

 

Men who have puppet master mothers tend to allow their mothers to control their love interests. 

 

That won't fly too far with me. 

 

I'm a witch.  He won't like what will happen if his mother gets controlling on my path.  The last mother who did that went blind, developed RA, and her husband died within 48 hours of me lighting a candle asking that my stalker go away.  Sadly, the daughter picked up where my father-in-law left off.

 

In 1990, the woman before that broke into my house and beat me up as I sat in a bathtub. She was angry that the police caught her son beating the hell out of me. 

She left me battered and bruised.  She had an aneurysm and died a week later. 

Tommy's mother was a saint.  I'd love to see her win the lotto -but- she was always too saintly to gamble.  I think she is still alive.  She'd be in her 80's now. 

 

Please.....leave me alone. 

I inherited 4oo+ magickal artifacts said to contain Djinn and other wish granting entities.  It could be that one of them may be real.  I don't know.  All I know is that people who piss me off end up dead or severely injured.

I like to stay away from assholes because I hate funerals. 

 

I tire of casting wellness and protection spells for my enemies.  I just revoked a wellness spell I had cast for the City Attorney.  I can't handle the constant harassment he puts on my path.  He needs to leave me alone.  Why keep him well enough to continually harm me?

I don't date often but my boyfriends' controlling mothers have never fared well. 

 

Besides I'm too busy to play games with people like that. 

 

It's best to let the man go.

I like balls.  I can't play with them if his mother has them. 

I'll nurse my pain with vodka. 

 

Love ya,

 

S. 

 

 

 

 

 

Alone Time

Today I am thankful for having alone time. 

If the men in my life don't shape up and/or ship out, I'm going to have a lot more alone time. 

My ex is guilt-tripping me into staying married.  Our divorce will be final in sixteen days.

My best friend is guilt-tripping me for not meeting his family. 

My family is trying to get me to become a lesbian. 

I am tired. 

My ex is insane.

My current flame is getting pushy.  

I am thinking that I am going to be alone.

I am tired of the antics of other people. 

I don't know. 

Is love really worth it?

I need to lay low for a couple of weeks. 

I'll take some time to think about what I need but I'm fairly certain that it does not involve men. 

Love ya,

S. 

NPD Communication

Today I am thankful that I am finally understanding NPD Communication strategies. 
 

They triangulate!!!  In other words, they communicate through third parties.

I don't like the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) label.  I am a trained psycho-therapist and it is fairly vague.  It only describes a certain subset of behaviors.  

My ex was diagnosed with NPD. 

He has to control everything!!! 

He is always the victim!!! 

 

I'm being stalked by members of his family but haven't seen any of them following me around in a little over two weeks.  I'm silently cheering. 

 

My ex will tell me that he is a victim of his sister. 

 

That's weird. 

 

 

I still can't figure out how she knows where I am and what I am doing. 

 

My ex must be telling her. 

 

My ex was supposed to move out on October 21st.  I politely gave him until November 1. 

He was supposed to help me fix my van in exchange for me signing an alimony waiver and giving him the newer car. 

 

He's still here. 

 

He is still driving my ratty old unrepaired mini-van. 

 

He is living off of the IRA he promised to give me in the separation agreement.  I do not have access to the account. 

 

I'm still being stalked (at least, as of two weeks ago). 

 

Sigh....

 

Yesterday, I let him accompany me while Christmas shopping. 

 

That was a BIG mistake!! 

He ran around talking about how he needed nothing, because he had nothing, because I took it all away. 

 

He slept apart from me off and on since 2001. 

 

He has physically left me three times since 2001. 

 

Around 2002, he started telling me that we were in a 'fake marriage' and that divorce was imminent, so he didn't have to talk to me...

 

We've been in a sexless marriage since 2008.   

 

What pisses me off is that he...... HE IS THE VICTIM!!!! 

 

HE DIDN'T SEE THE DIVORCE COMING!!! 

 

Oh, my goodness!!! 

 

I'm upset. 

 

He wants me back. 

 

Now, at this point, it is obvious that I have a new love.  I spend the weekends with him.  I smell like his cologne and that ought to be enough to express that I am not able to continue in a relationship with my ex. 

 

Do I dare go into details?  Ladies don't do that. 

Do I say that Aerosmith did a song about Steve? 

Sigh.....

I'm intimidated by my boyfriend's physiology.  I don't know what to think about that. 

 

I really don't know.

How does one go back to an abuser one perceives to be tiny? 

Again...it's probably just perception. 

The kinder a guy is the better he is in bed. 

So....who knows? 

Who cares? 

It's no secret. 

Why am I worried? 

*****

 

It gets worse. 

 

I am trying to start re-start my business.  I can make good money in my business. 

 

However, I need to be stalk free.  I need access to money. 

 

I do not have these things yet. 

 

I am working on it.  I have an office.  I do custom voice-over work for others in the field.  I am working on it. 

 

My ex wants to be in control of my money. 

 

He wants me to get an office job somewhere. 

 

He wants to know where I work. 

 

I'm looking at Christmas presents in a department store and my ex turns to me and says, "Did you tell your boyfriend that I'll move out the day you get a real job?"
Should I?

 

Why? 

 

My ex wants my boyfriend to find me a job. 

He wants to use me to communicate with Steve. 

It seems like they should just meet. 

*****

My ex (Mike) wants my best friend (Steve) to find me a job. 

I'd laugh but it hurts too much. 
 

I can just as easily go down to the local drug and alcohol counseling center and get one myself - if the owner doesn't realize that I'm the politician who threatened to shut him down because he lets his male clients rape the female clients.  Then he blames the alcohol!!!!  You know, his clients were drunk and had lower inhibitions, so it's not his fault they f*ck:  It's NOT LIKE keeping drunk men and women separated is the detox centers responsibility or anything.  UGH!!!!  If a client tells the police she's been raped, the city attorney has false charges filed against the rape victims. 

This drug and alcohol center is heavily supported by the city government.  They get their clients from the police department. 

They need to get out of my town!  I'll find a way to do that.  

I'll find a way after my life settles down. 

With regard to my job search, my issue is my celebrity.  I have to be careful about the jobs I seek now. 

 

Maybe something in PR? 

I don't know. 

 

 

*****

 

I'm wondering if I should invite my boyfriend into my world a little more.   Maybe if Steve were real to Mike, he'd leave me alone. 

 

I don't know. 

 

I don't like the triangulation thingy. 

 

Maybe the local McDonalds will give me a job. 

 

I could volunteer for a tax activist.  That's a job!! 

 

Sigh....

 

I betcha if I found a job, my ex would have a new reason to stay. 

 

I'm in pain. 

 

I wish I new what to do. 

*****

You know what's funny?  One day my boyfriend jumped on me and tried to kiss me.  I was annoyed and not expecting it.  I called him "Mike"! 

At least I get his name right when it counts. 

That's a bad sign, isn't it?  If I call you Mike and that's not your name, BACK OFF!!!  

 

I'm off to see a shrink.  This is weird. 

 

 

Love ya,

 

S. 

Edit Later that day:

So, I went to the shrink's office. 

Me shrieking when people sneak up on me and calling them the name of my ex is a symptom of my PTSD. 

My shrink liked the idea that I got talking to Steve about taking Yoga classes to get rid of the anxiety. 

That helped a lot. 

I felt confident that I could get my life back. 

All I had to do was stay positive, embrace the changes in my life, and things would fall into place. 

Mike would move on. 

I could be with my best friend. 

All would be well. 

I came home to find my ex calling to check up on me.

What the hell? 

He's never leaving, is he? 

Now I find myself depressed and sad. 

I think I know why he wants me to stay in this house. 

I think I know why he won't leave until he knows where I work. 

I'm sad.

 I hate my life right now because I don't see a way out.   

I really don't. 

I can have all the court orders in the world but there is nothing on the planet that will make my ex follow them. 

Sigh...  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cheap Cell Phones

Today I am thankful for cheap cell phones. 

I'm a little bit freaked out today. 

My ex hasn't left the house in 72 hours.  He claims that he is sick. 

I don't know.  Maybe he is.  Maybe he isn't. 

He won't go to the doctor. 

After talking to a fellow stalking victim, I realized that my Android phone had spyware on it. 

My phone was accessing the 3G network and changing my settings all by itself.  It would install new files without my permission and my permissions on the phone were changing.  I thought I had gotten it wet but that wouldn't cause the problems it is having. 

My phone was hacked and has to be reset. 

The weirdest part of all is that my sister-in-law has turned up in places I was visiting.  One day upon seeing her watch me at a coffee shop, I found a protective shield for my vehicle hanging on the ground when I went into the parking lot.  I'm wondering if a new GPS device was installed on my car. 

I'm praying for a new car. 

I'm thinking they are using my phone to track me. 

They know about my relationship with Steve.  Okay, everyone knows I'm seeing him -but- my ex knows specifics that I do not tell a soul!  

It has to be the spyware on my phone. 

Today I am working on getting a new phone.  I bought two very old 2005ish era cell phones for my carrier.  I can't even text on them.  They don't have a prayer of getting any information about me now. 

 The moment I mentioned that to my ex, he fell ill and is moping about in his bedroom. 

I realized how the spyware was put on my Andriod phone.  I'm not happy about it.  I had the same password to my Google+ account that I used for Facebook.  Shannon had hacked my Facebook account numerous times.  I found out by inspecting my Facebook settings; there were log ins from her home town.  The day after I changed my password, I was locked out of my account for several hours because someone had tried to log in numerous times. 

If a stalker has your Google+ password, it is easy for them to go to Google Play and download spyware that can take control of your phone and/or activate the microphone (which could be how they know about Steve and I having certain adventures). 
Steve told me how to do a two part Google authentication process to put a stop to it. 

My hairs are standing on end. 

I'm shaking constantly. 

My ex has to be my stalker. 

I am terrified but don't know exactly why. 

I thought I should document this. 

I know he is blowing through my portion of our settlement to pressure me into staying.  I feel pressured into staying but the divorce is so far gone, it will be nearly impossible to stop now. 

I need a job that my stalker doesn't know about. 

Wow....

Love ya,

S. 

31 Days To Go

Today I am thankful that I have 31 days to go until my divorce is final. 

My ex is still living with me.  He is telling me that he will not move out until I have a good paying job. 

That is the catch-22.  I don't know how to get a good paying job working for someone else.  I haven't worked in a traditional job in 17 years.  I haven't held a job in 22 years without being stalked by a member of his family!  I have no references that will not tell prospective employers "she's afraid to come into work because some fat chick follows her around" or "her husband doesn't want her to work."

I am not sure I can do that until I know for sure the stalking is over.  

I can work for myself.  I am not sure that I can work for anyone else. 

It is creepy. 

I spend the weekends that my ex wanted with the girls with Steve. 

It is incredibly creepy to have my ex call me when I'm with Steve to ask me to pick up stuff at the grocery store. 

I spend money on myself and to support Michael which comes from my portion of the divorce settlement.  Mike hasn't turned that account over to me yet.  He just takes money out of it and puts it in the joint checking account in order to run the household.  I don't know where his money is going.  By law, so long as he lives in this house, he does not have to pay child support. 

My ex has the better end of the deal.  My money is his money so long as he's in the house.  His money is his money.  Unless he's being ultra irresponsible, I don't know where those funds are going.

I have decided to continue to allow Michael to borrow my van.  I don't care.  I'm not as nasty as he is.  He won't share his car.  I'll share mine.  I bought mine with a loan I took out (he never has to pay on it).  We used family funds to pay for his car.  We used my share of the divorce settlement to put a new engine, alternator, and do other repairs to his car. 

I am a bigger person. 

I am much luckier because I am a good person.  I have more friends.  I get more opportunities. 

I guess it all works itself out in the end. 

I do find myself asking how much can an ex screw me out of in the next 31 days? 

There is no way I can protect myself. 

The soonest I can begin eviction proceedings is January 9th.  I'm not even sure that I have it in me to do that.  I can imagine the children getting upset with me if I push my ex out of the house before he is ready. 

Maybe I need to do a love spell.  Maybe I can ask Isis to bring my ex a love who won't put up with his crap. 

She'd help him move out. 

We'll see. 

I think my biggest fear would be hurting Steve.  He's been my friend for three years.  I can't imagine life without him.  If my ex continues to sabotage me and take up a large chunk of my time, I can see how I'll lose my best friend. 

I should be more available to my friend and less available to provide homemaking services to my ex. 

That's the thing....he's not really supporting me.  I'm still doing his laundry and spending about two hours a day cooking and cleaning up after him.  Who needs who here? 

I don't know how to divorce, huh?

I'm not doing it right. 

I don't think it is proper to bleach your ex husband's whites while talking to your love on the telephone. 

That is incredibly creepy.

I guess this should have been expected.  We stopped sleeping together in 2001.  We've had a sexless marriage since 2008.  We've been roommates.  I guess divorce does little to change the reality of the situation. 

We are still roommates.

Divorce just frees up some of the money my ex has been controlling for years, keeps him from ripping me off as much as he was because the courts will hold him accountable, and it will help me put an end to the stalking.

I should say one thing, though.  Steve is very well grounded in logic and science.  He has this amazing ability to debunk most of the bullshit I've been spoon-fed over the past 22 years.  That truly is helping me get away from the crazy crap. 

It helps knowing that my van won't blow up.  So I can look for a job. 

It helps knowing that being followed isn't a problem.   Shannon, William, Rhonda, Doug and whoever else is recruited to follow me isn't the problem.  The problem is how other people perceive their behavior and the property damage they cause. 

It helps knowing that I CAN get a restraining order if Shannon harasses another colleague or damages property.  I can prove those things. 

It helps knowing that I have a huge support system. 

Most of all, it helps knowing that there is one person in the world who has faith that I can solve my problems by myself.  I usually do. 

There is something about another human being having faith in us that makes everything brighter. 

I am a lucky woman indeed!

Love,

S. 

The Comedy of Asking to Borrow a Narcissist's Car

Today I am thankful for those moments where I get confirmation that my ex has NPD.

According to the separation agreement, he was supposed to move out and split the assets by November 1st.  He didn't do that. 

In exchange for keeping the newer car with the new engine, he was supposed to get my car repaired or help me buy a newer one.  He didn't do that either. 

Over the past few days, my van has been acting up.  I'm having trouble starting it.  It stalls at lights.  The brake light comes on.  The check engine light has been on for five years. 

Today, after driving it for about a half of an hour, the smell of gas fumes overtook the cab.  I can't drive it anymore due to the fear of an explosion. 

I asked to borrow my ex's car.  He's sick.  He's not using it.  I have to pick up the kids.  I have to go to a meeting. 

One thing about people with NPD is that they will claim to have the same problems or gifts that you do. 

If you have an IQ of 140, so do they (or maybe they'll claim an IQ o 160).

If you have a million dollars, so do they.

If you have the flu and need a day off, so do they. 

I asked to borrow his car for a couple of hours and his response was

"My car is having trouble starting.  It stalls.  There is a smell of gas fumes that permeates the cab so it isn't safe to drive."

So, no I can't borrow his car because my car is fine.  His car is having issues. 

I can't drive mine.  The suspension is shot.  My ex promised to fix it.  He bought the parts and sat on them for several months.  A mechanic told me that he thinks the bolts at the manifold are broken. 
It's better to junk the car at this point. 

I'm a little pissed.  I'm not sure how to buy a car with no access to money.   

Oh, goodie!!  The kids and I are out of luck. 

That's okay.  Maybe it's time for him to move out, split the money, and honor his part of our separation agreement. 

I am kind to him.  I still scrub the stains out of his clothes.  I bleach his underwear.  I put sheets on his bed.  I cook for him.  I clean up after him.  He is spending my portion of the settlement on our living expenses.  He is expensive!! 

Why bother helping him anymore?  Why allow him to stay here?  He can't give me the slightest consideration. 

Why in the heck should I? 

He has no idea how angry I am at this very moment. 

I'm angry enough to hold him to his promises. 

He has taken my car without my permission recently.  He did it the other day.  My mistake was asking for permission.  I'm not a thief and I wasn't raised in a barn.  I ask permission.  I don't steal. 

I'm upset because I have to take public transportation in sub-zero temperatures with two very painful temporary crowns in my mouth.  The cold air makes my jaw throb. 

I'll deal with it. 

Love,

S. 

A New Life

Today I am thankful that I am beginning to see a new life for myself. 

I have a friend who is an insurance salesman.  He sat down with me for an hour and solved quite a few problems for me. 

That was helpful. 

The brakes on my van went out on the way home. 

Yesterday, the damn thing kept stalling. 

I guess it is time to pray for a newer car. 

The frigid temperatures are making it hard to breathe.  My teeth still ache from my dental work. 

I stopped at the local thrift shop looking for craft ideas for Christmas.  There is a guy who works there who flirts with all the ladies.  He flirted with me.  He said he always imagined that I was a doctor or a teacher given the way I dressed.

I told him that I used to be a hypnotherapy instructor.  His eyes widened.  He quickly went back to work. 

He set out one of those 1970s era French bread pans. 

I love those things. 

Mine broke in 2011 and my life hasn't been the same since. 

That was lucky. 

The problem, though, is that the dough won't rise due to the cold temperatures in the house.  I made a batch of rolls instead.  That's not as much fun as French bread but the kids loved them. 

I was bitchy. 

I bake when I am bitchy.

I was angry when my ex asked me to proof a letter to the City Council asking for a payment plan for a fine he was issued that is due tomorrow!  He sat on it a month. 

Now, according to city code, if he doesn't pay on time, he will be served to go to a hearing.  It will undoubtedly be a kangaroo court where he will have to pay all sorts of attorney fees and court costs.  He may even go to jail.  I'm not sure if my divorce will be finalized if he goes to jail. 

He's controlling everything.  I can't get my life back until the divorce is final. 

Since my ex has been raiding my portion of the settlement to live on (even though he works), I figure that there is no harm in stealing a little more to pay the assholes at the city. 

I was so angry that I put a black magick curse on the check. 

Why not? 

It's fun!!! 

Touch it at your peril. 

I was angry with him. 

I am angry that he is raiding money. 

I am angry that he is creating a lot o drama.

I am angry that he has no intention on moving out until after our divorce is final.

Part of the settlement was that my car would be repaired so he could have the new car. 

It wont be repaired until he gives me the portion of the settlement we agreed upon.  

That's okay, I guess. 

I will be cash poor until then. 

I am hurt that he is stealing those funds but I really can't do anything about it. 

I am trying to get work. 

The stalking, though, it scares me enough to keep me from seeking public opportunities. 

If I only knew what the stalking was about, maybe I could address it and everyone could move on.

I told my ex this and he blamed me for the stalking.   

He said that the stalking is my fault because I do not confront my stalkers in public! 

His family is stalking me.  They are getting information about my whereabouts from him and he thinks it is my fault. 

I'm angry. 

I'm pissed. 

I am talking to fellow activists who have been stalked by the police department.  They're not so sure that my in-laws are the only ones stalking me.   They think that having cop cars sit outside my home on a daily basis for three years points to them as being involved somehow. 

They think that the police department put the GPS device on my vehicle. 

I don't know.  I did find one of them in my garage messing around.  But then, the day after the GPS box was taken off of my car, my sister-in-law called offering us a phone on her family plan that had GPS on it. 

I don't know. 

I'm just a tad bit creeped out. 

The City of A*rora can steal what is left of a single unemployed mother's retirement for their own filthy gain.  I am now out $650 worth of money due to unfair fines. 

Considering that $62K went missing from the retirement accounts since 2011, $650 seems like a pittance.  The retirement accounts are at 1/20th of their original value. 

That is not a lot to live on or to start my new life with.  Nonetheless, the piggies at the city will get their money.  I hope they choke on it. 

The City Council will abuse the members of my household until they get their money.  It doesn't matter who racked up the fine, I have to pay it so my kids never again see the cops banging on the door to harass us at 2:00 a.m. on a school night just to make a point to my ex.

They did that once.  They laughed at me and claimed they were banging on the door because I called 911.  The phone company confirmed that 911 was never dialed. 

The assistant city attorney got upset that I turned her into the regulatory commission for breaking numerous laws, so she had the police harass me.  When I realized what had happened and that she had the blessing of the city council, I cursed the council so that no tax hikes would pass until I got an apology and the original $500 they stole from me back.  

They've never apologized.

They've not won a tax hike measure since.

Stupid men....never, ever ask a witch what she is going to do about unfair abuses. 

I've yet to show them all that I can do. 

Love,

S. 

B!tchy Witchy

Today I am thankful for being a b!tch. 

I made two executive decisions. 

First, I'm going to do everything in my power to avoid talking to my ex.  He's insane.  He's confusing.  When he talks to me, I run for chocolate.  I've gained 7 pounds dealing with him over the past two months. 

So...I'm going to take no more shit from him.

I'm going take a portion of the $5,000 my ex stole from the IRA I received in my divorce settlement package to fix my teeth and advertise my business.   I don't know how much is left.  I'll just take it out of the bank in $350 increments until it is gone. 

I'll do what I can to increase my business while I can. 

I have a lot of great mentors.  They'll teach me how to use my skill and charm to make money.

I'm also going to get the kids to the orthodontist and make the down payments on their dental work if the funds are still there. 

Because the City of A*rora is hounding my ex over a $150 fine and it makes him cranky and makes me have to deal with him, I'll probably fund that out of that money, too.  It would be nice if my ex would take some responsibility for his garbage. 

And if the city tacks on fees, I will be livid.  Ms. Musician made a recording of the City Clerk telling me they would do no such thing.  The Clerk lied when she said her letter detailed the fine (it didn't).  If she lies again, I will feel even more motivated to re-post my HarassNoMore page! 

I haven't even uploaded all my dirt on the Mayor and members of the City Council yet!  I was waiting for the divorce to be final.  The City Attorney asked my ex to promise that Mrs. Smith wouldn't post a damn thing.  Well, you know what?  Ms. Smith WILL and she'll enjoy every flippin' moment of it!

None of the dirt is personal.  It is just a collection of abusive emails that I received from various politicians and city employees. 

I'm going to curse the check I make out to the City Clerk and the check I make out to the Sherriff.  If you want to annoy the hell out of a witch at Christmas, I promise you that your days will be much less merry and much more dreary.

And you know what?  The mayor has inspired me to buy myself a State Union of Taxpayers membership for Christmas, so I can keep up on the tax hiking creeps that are making my life miserable. 

Yes, I desire the ability to give as good as I get when it comes to creepy politicians.  That's all I truly want.  I want to annoy my harassers to the point that they decide it is better for them to leave me the hell alone!

 

If Mr. Smith gets too cranky, I'm buying myself a new gun.

 

*****

I had some dental work done this morning.  I cannot talk.  I look like a chipmunk.  My face is still numb and swollen.  I have a fat lip.  I haven't been hit.  My Angelina Jolie lips are due to my sparkly new crowns. 

The entire few days have been crazy.  The weather is currently eight degrees below zero.  Every time I breathe, my teeth ache.  I may have to go back to the dentist in the morning. 

*****

 

I've been trying to spend more time corresponding with kind and loving people than with people who drive me insane. 

I wanted to promote a friend's pages online.  She has an anti-stalking page. 

She asked me to promote it online.  I did. 

My ex promoted it too!!! 

The cops say he's stalking me.  I have caught him on a few occasions.  His sister shows up to events that he knows about.  He's got to have something to do with it. 

He denies it.  It drives me crazy.  This is one reason I cannot speak to him anymore.

Do you know how weird it is for one's stalker to promote every single thing I promote?

Ugh!!! 

*****

I am trying to give more time to my love than my ex. 

It is a darn difficult thing to do with my ex living here and all. 

I am beginning to feel incredibly depressed by my ex's presence.  I am hurt by the constant string of lies.  I fear what will happen the moment I go back to work. 

I never know what is going on.  I don't know if he'll do his part of the parenting plan.  I generally wind up making myself available to do the things he promised to do due to his lack of consistency. 

I am realizing that I am becoming very depressed about it. 

I am having a tough time leaving the house again. 

My ex tantrums every time I spend time with my love. 

I can't stand that. 

This is hurting me deeply. 

This is why I have panic attacks. 

I am beginning to have them again. 

*****

I'm checking in.  I'm okay. 

My life is beginning to feel quite surreal. 

I hope it gets better from here. 

Love,

S. 

An Ornery Plan

Today I am thankful that I have an ornery plan.

If you read my blogs, you know that I am being stalked by my in-laws.  I'm not sure when they are considered my former in-laws.  I haven't willingly spoken to any of them since 1998. 

The cops say my ex is putting them up to it. 
My ex says they are doing it on their own so he doesn't care about it.  This is why I kicked him to the curb.  If your sister is following your spouse around while you sit on your hairy ass and do nothing...it is YOUR PROBLEM. 

I'm pissed.

My in-laws will follow me around and menace me.  They say things like "You bitch!  You won't let my brother [insert crazy demand for money or time here]......"

-or-

"You bitch!  You won't give my brother his mail and he missed my [insert family event or intervention session here]....."

I do give him his mail.  I think he just chooses to ignore it.  If they were nice to him, I bet he'd give them a forwarding address. 

My former in-laws like to harass me on the street and call me Satan.  That's not an issue. 

The issue is when they go to third parties and start lying their asses off.  They'll go to my bosses, my colleagues, my neighbors, professors and anyone they can and tell them that I've got plans to either shoot my friends, spy on my friends, harass my friend or so on. 

That game only worked once.  They convinced a mentally ill neighbor that I was spying on him. 

That was sad.  He got so paranoid, he lost his job and his home. 

By the time I knew what had happened it was too late.  He was complaining that my fat sister was harassing him. 

I.....don't....have....a....fat....sister!

My sister in law, Shannon, she topped 500 pounds.  I was excited for her the day I saw her on Good Morning America touting her 300 pound weight loss. 

I wonder how much of that she lost following me around. 

Sigh....

Maybe next time, she'll shout diet tips at me and I'll shout back my appreciation.  If it works, I guess I can throw Starbucks gift cards at her in appreciation.  The last time I saw her, she was watching me inside of a Starbucks.   

Other than the stalking incidents, I don't talk to them anymore. 

I do, however, talk to my brother-in-law's bill collectors - several times a day!!!!

 

 

It would seem that William and his wife Kelly have used me as a reference.  That is weird because I haven't spoken to them since 2005ish when William followed me around a Pagan Fair blaming me because his brother didn't show up to an event. 

 

I have spent the entire morning trying to make ONE fifteen minute vocal recording.  The phone keeps ringing.  I had to turn the ringer off. 

 

Each time, it has been one of William's bill collectors. 

 

This is what I'm gonna do. 

 

I am going to arrange a meeting with the bill collectors and my stalkers. 

 

I am going to invite the bill collection agent (or an agent of his in town) out for coffee. 

 

I am going to post my whereabouts online. 

 

I will point them to the direction of either Shannon or William. 

 

Perhaps this will put a stop to the stalking. 

 

If that doesn't work, the Private Investigator I hired to reveal the identity of my stalkers managed to gave me their cell phone numbers.  I'll just give those to the bill collectors.  That will me the act of last resort. 

 

If I ever see Shannon, Doug, William, Kelly, John C., Rhonda, or any number of those former in-law jokers again.....I'm giving their cell phone numbers to the creditors.  They are blood relatives.  I'm a stalking survivor.  I don't know how to locate William.  He and his sister sure know how to locate me!!!

 

I hope this is the last time I ever see them watching me slurp tea. 

 

Love ya,

 

S.