Internet Memes

Today I am thankful for internet memes.

There are those days when I really don't know what in the world to say. 

Have you ever had one of those days when you blow off an A-list party to hang with your ex at his office party so he has a shot at a promotion.

I walked in the room and was greeted with

"Hi RED!!" 

Here is the deal, I dyed my hair black last week.  I fried my hair.  It hates chemicals.  My curls are like tighter than tight.  It's snowing so I have a flipping fro, but this time, I do not look Irish. 

Now my hair is still a little red in the sun.  I thought I had a shot at getting a job if people didn't see my red hair.  After I did the deed, I realized that people would probably Google me anyway and see that I'm a redhead.  Then they'd read about my b!tchfests in the local papers and realize that I'm not very nice when I'm pissed, so I probably should stop messing with my hair. 

It was one of those office parties where you hear stuff like....

You tell it like it is, no wonder you lost the election.

Everyone thinks the hottest dance on the planet is

La Macarena

They don't understand that there is a reason one does not drag a 500 pound guy to the dance floor....

I haven't been CPR certified in many, many years.

And I had the priviledge of watching a drunk guy feel my ex's leg and I was not sure if I should give them some privacy, thank him for giving my ex some action, or simply pretend to be jealous. 

Sigh....

The day started out crappy, too.  I am being quite literal about this. 

Yep...

The sewer backed up into the basement, so the man in the basement smelled incredibly ripe.  He spent the entire day cleaning out the sewer system.  It appears that someone flushed a flippin' baby wipe. 

One wipe....

Sigh....

Speaking of arse wipes....

the Republican party has gotten on my nerves with a well publicized rant this morning.  They think they can sue Libertarians for getting on the ballot.  Rather than actually try to get to know the people they represent and do their best to actually represent the community, they want to litigate to get people who actually give a crap about the community off of the ballot. 

Yeah, right.... Good luck with that.  I'd be a Republican but I've met far too many who want to kill gay people and think I, as a woman, should make them sandwiches. 

If this witch ever makes you a sandwich, don't eat it.  I've developed a tolerance for mandrake....you, dear friends, probably have not.  I, seriously, have to bleach my kitchen before cooking for other people lest they die.  So, don't bully me into making you a sandwich.  If you're hot, I'll share my fennel and ginseng.  If you're not, you get valarian sprinkled on your Bologna. 

If we spew what we eat; then bologna IS the food of politicians.   

Oh, Republicans.....

They lost a race because a Libertarian took a chunk of the votes.  In the primaries of this race, one of the Republicans gossiped about the other.  His party dug up dirty laundry and hurled it at his counterpart.  He made such an ass of himself.  When one plays dirty politics, one associates his or her name with dirt. 

You can't fling crap without getting your hands dirty.

People get a sick feeling in their stomachs upon reading the name hurling the crap and the name the crap is being flung at.  Since both people were Republicans, their names began to cause a negative reaction about town.  The party invariably lost the elections since both of their candidates were associated with the flung poo.  

I tried to warn them.  They ignored me.  I predicted they would lose.  I actually tweeted the Liberal a congratulatory message on his impending win in November....LAST AUGUST!  I warned the party.  They ignored me.  They lost.  The Liberal won. 

I tried but as they say,

Stupid is as Stupid does. 

Oh lordy....

There is no limit to what I find amusing in this world....

I'd give it all for someone fun to frisk at night. 

At least, I still have my first love and a spare set of strings.

 

Alas, I picked the wrong time of year to stop drinking. 

I haven't touched a drop since October. 

I may reconsider.



Thank goodness I haven't sold my bass yet. 

  

Love ya,

S.