Today I am thankful for confusion because it is a sign and a signal that something is screwed up.
I tried to go one Christmas without arguing with the guy in the basement. I really, honestly tried.
We made it until midnight without harsh words. So, technically, we made it through a Christmas without a fight.
We don't really fight. It is more like one of us expressing a concern and the other person saying that no problem exists.
Tonight it was my fault. I told him that I was terrified that I was going to cheat on him. It would be nice to actually end our marriage, or failing that, ending the ambiguity about our relationship. I haven't been with a guy for....gasp...years!
He said 'I know'.
That's it. He knows. There is no solution. Nothing...
I went on to say that it would be nice to put an end to the stalking.
He knows.
It would be nice for me to be able to hold a job.
He knows.
It would be nice to know if I should unpack or pack.
He knows.
Oh, goodness, we went on for ninety minutes like that.
I was frustrated.
I am frustrated.
I think I'm attracting a couple of guys into my life who would be willing to help me stop feeling so frustrated.
I decided that I should stay away from men, even if they are witty, funny and have their names printed on my underwear.
Darn....
Merry Kissmass,
S.
