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Confusion

Today I am thankful for confusion because it is a sign and a signal that something is screwed up.

I tried to go one Christmas without arguing with the guy in the basement.  I really, honestly tried. 

We made it until midnight without harsh words.  So, technically, we made it through a Christmas without a fight. 

We don't really fight.  It is more like one of us expressing a concern and the other person saying that no problem exists. 

Tonight it was my fault.  I told him that I was terrified that I was going to cheat on him.  It would be nice to actually end our marriage, or failing that, ending the ambiguity about our relationship.  I haven't been with a guy for....gasp...years!

He said 'I know'. 

That's it.  He knows.  There is no solution.  Nothing...

I went on to say that it would be nice to put an end to the stalking. 

He knows. 

It would be nice for me to be able to hold a job. 

He knows. 

It would be nice to know if I should unpack or pack. 

He knows. 

Oh, goodness, we went on for ninety minutes like that. 

I was frustrated. 

I am frustrated. 

I think I'm attracting a couple of guys into my life who would be willing to help me stop feeling so frustrated. 

I decided that I should stay away from men, even if they are witty, funny and have their names printed on my underwear.   

Darn....

Merry Kissmass,

S.







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