Today, as dark as it sounds, I am thankful for terror.
Terror is a useful warning device.
Those alarm bells are ringing. They are ringing so darn loud that some of my friends are picking up on it.
I can't pinpoint what is scaring the holy heck out of me.
The stalking bugs me.
It usually picks up around October and ends with a bang in Mid-January. I haven't heard hide nor hair of the stalker since January 12th of 2012. His sister, the one who admits to doing the stalking, called me despite having a cease and desist letter but that was nearly a year ago.
I've had tons of anonymous hang up calls this year. I've had several this week.
No one following me or anything.
The last stalker was a male. When I go into hypnosis to remember the incident, my mind goes to a man flirting with me as I sat with my old flame. The man was in his late thirties, blond with a horrible fake and bake tan. He just stared. He sat at a table for two with with a tall, dark haired man wearing a black coat. I never saw the face of the man sitting with him as he always sat with his back turned to me. I remember the irritation on Tom's face when I'd look away to stare back at the blond guy four tables down. I remember noticing this guy about an hour before the tall, dark haired man approached me to call me Satan.
That was about a week before I found out that a tall, darked haired guy in a black coat was harassing other tenants in my office building. He was holding my picture and demanding to know where I went to church.
I called the police in the area. They told me that they knew most of the people who frequented the park where the man approached me. They had no clue who this guy was. The officer did tell me that he knew I worked until the wee hours of the morning and that he was concerned for my safety. Until that incident, I always felt safer at my office than at home.
Then my ex started getting ultra weird.
I can't shake the feeling that the police officer is right. The man in the basement is behind the stalking because he is jealous that I had lunch with my high school sweetheart. He's always been jealous of Tom. Always.....even before we dated.
It took me far too long to know that the Tom jokes were about someone I knew.
How did he know about the guy I dated five years before I met him? His best friend and his cousins went to high school with Tom and I. His cousin shared a locker with me and would give him copies of my poetry.
He knew of me five years before I ever met him. This is kind of creepy in and of itself.
This all new news to me. I'm a little sick over it.
About eight years ago, someone went through my artist portfolio. My artwork went missing and I would find things that Tom gave me all over the house. These were things that I thought I threw away long ago.
I haven't had a lot of time for art since Mike has been in my life.
Mike recently told me that he went digging through my stuff because he wanted to see my work.
I can't sleep.
I keep seeing my sister-in-law in my mind's eye. I'm not talking about my husband's sister. I keep thinking about his brother's wife. Her name is Kelly.
Kelly is always angry.
Shannon called here last year and said something about having Kelly on her cell phone family plan and having the ability to track her. I am wondering if Shannon is stalking Kelly, too.
What other people don't know is that Shannon threatened to kill Kelly. My mother and sister-in-law threatened to kill her when the cops were called to the home due to her husband's violent behavior.
Her husband's name is William. William is my ex's brother.
William is a gem in a dark, rough and ugly kind of way. I remember watching him beat the hell out of Shannon because she didn't believe that the lead singer of WHAM was gay.
Yeah, this was awhile back.
I'd say early 90ish.
Few people cared about George Michael's sexual orientation. I mean, unless you're dating someone, it is not of your darn business what he wants in bed. To be fair, George Michael sang about wanting to be some one's father figure. He came out in his music early in the game.
Still, William beat the hell out of his sister for not believing it.
I couldn't break up the fight. William and Shannon's parents didn't try to stop it. Disgusted, I left and I was threatened for leaving. I broke up with my husband over that mess.
It ended our relationship for a month or so.
That incident helps define what scares me. When William gets angry, he grabs shovels, shoes, or whatever tool he can reach for and goes to town on his victim. Then he calms down and claims not to remember what he did. He claims to have done it while, to quote him, he does this stuff while he has "blacked out."
He's not the only one to do that.
Mike will rage the craziest crap at me. He's scream and yell that he needs to control me, or that he's afraid that if I work, I'll have sex with another man. He'll rage, yell, punch things, threaten to kill himself and drive like a maniac,
then claim he can't remember doing those things.
He was gone the entire day yesterday.
I think he has a girlfriend. This is a good thing because, if it is true, he'll leave me alone. It also explains where our money is going. He stole $17,000 from our retirement account last year alone.
I found out two weeks ago when I pegged the bankruptcy lawyer. He also claimed to have a couple of hundred dollars stashed in a private account. The judge asked for the money in that account. My husband claims the account doesn't exist, so I have to ask my family for that money to give to the judge.
Why would Mike claim that he has money on a court document that he claims doesn't exist in real life?
I don't know what he took from our retirement accounts between 2008 and 2010.
I know that this year, he's making decent money but leaving me with less than $200 a month for groceries and gas. The bankruptcy judge has mentioned that we have at least $1,500 of disposible income every month. I really do not know where that money is going.
I don't know.
I think he's hiding money so I don't leave. He likes the the appearance of a marriage. For a decade, he called it a 'fake marriage.' He doesn't want the intimacy or the relationship. He just wants to look like a happily married man.
I'm hurting.
It's his threat of suicide that scares me. I'm terrified he's going to kill me or the children before ending his life. I'm terrified he may take an officer down with him.
This is why all our kitchen knives are dull. This is why there are no arrows in this house. This is why I do not own a gun.
I'm praying his lady love will move him out of town.
If she gives him something to live for, we are no longer in danger.
I'm not sure that people know he's threatened to kill himself. I don't want one of my other exes pegged if I wind up six feet under. Tom tried to help me get out. Ross tried to protect my daughter and granddaughter from it. I hope they don't blame the wrong guy.
Mike is really, really blaming his mother and sister. He swears up and down that they are stalking me. It makes no sense for them to be stalking me.
He was the only one who knew where I was going the day I went out to lunch with Tom. Tom didn't even know. Mike did.
The most telling thing was that moments before the stalker approached me, Mike had called and left a message for me. He called to see if I was okay.
That was the last contact I had with the stalker. After that, he approached other people in my periphery. I've cut off from people for fear of them getting harassed and hurt by this freaky family.
That was my mistake. I should've kept going.
My stalker is obviously afraid of cops, lawyers, and politicians. He has never approached me in a political venue nor have I had a politician call me to complain about being harassed by a tall guy holding my picture.
This is weird.
Mike does blame the local politicians for the stalking. This is funny to me. Yes, some officials have tried to get me involved in bad behavior but, to be quite fair, they have always been straight forward about it.
Always......
The cops who approach me or hung out in my garage and yard were always in uniform.
It was quite common to find cop cars sitting outside of the house. I don't know if they did that because I was an activist who got on some one's nerves -or- if they know I'm being stalked.
I'm beginning to believe that they may have saved my life. The stalker has never approached me in this town. Could it be because of the cops hanging round?
Mike claims that he's seen his family drive by the house when the kids were walking home from school. I've never seen that.
The men who promised me sexual favors usually admitted to knowing a politician (one in particular). It is a little sad that the man behind that doesn't understand that women are not usually motivated by promises of getting sexual favors.
Even the cameraman who visited me in the restaurant claimed to be the neighbor of the politician referenced above.
They've never lied about trying to catch me doing something wrong.
They've lied to me and are easy caught contradicting themselves.
I find the politicians to be far more amusing than threatening.
The politicians I know are not sneaky. If they are, they are very obvious about their intentions.
It is easy to catch liars when they know they are lying. Their body language and eye patterns will give them away every time. Even on the telephone, it is easy to catch a liar. I'm a former musician. Their vocal tone will tend to get higher in pitch when they are unsure of what they are saying.
Mike scares me because he lies in ways that are hard to detect. I think he believes his delusions so it is harder to catch him lying because he, quite literally, believes that he is telling the truth.
Please pray for us.
This is not something that I've encountered before.
I am terrified.
Love,
S.
P.S. The stalker is on a 'Satan' kick. He is running around claiming that I'm evil. My mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and my cousin-in-law are on a 'Satan' kick as well.
They think I'm a witch.
If I were a witch, wouldn't they think that I'd have released the hellhounds by now?
Sigh.....