Connected Threads

Today I am thankful for the understanding I feel when all the threads of a confusion situation finally meet.

 



I hate conspiracies.  I always have and I always will.  Given enough time, money, attention and research one can usually figure out who is behind even the worst of situations. 

 

It's easier to get to the bottom of political problems that it is to find out when someone has a personal problem with you. 

 

Now, over the past twenty years, I've had trouble understanding how my stalker knows where I am and what I am doing on any given day.  Next month will mark the twenty-first year I have had to deal with this stalking problem. 

 

At first, I thought it was several people.  Now, I am narrowing it down to just one.  The man in the basement wants a reconciliation; he doesn't necessarily want to be in a sexual relationship with me, he wants to be married to me in the eyes of the public. 

 

I want a divorce. 

 

Why? 

 

The stalking drives me insane.  It has escalated in recent years.  It bothers me quite a bit.   I wasn't neurotic about it when his sister pulled her gun on the neighbor; he was young and could take care of himself.  I didn't get neurotic about it until an elderly lady in my office building was menaced by a man whose description matched a man seen watching my high school sweetheart and I in a restaurant.  The guy later approached me and tried to strike up a conversation by calling me Satan. 

 

I laughed at him and walked off. 

 

My old flame asked me what I did to cause my in-laws to hate me so.  Do you know what I did? 

 

I finished college.  I finished college despite one of them stalking me on campus.  I finished college despite all the crap they pulled.  I finished college despite the phone harassment, the physical harassment and them blocking my car in my driveway during visits so I couldn't leave and get my homework done in quieter restaurants. 

 

They hounded me for being a college student.  His mother and aunt explained it to me thusly, no one is allowed to outperform my sister-in-law.  She didn't have a college degree, so I wasn't allowed to have one.  She was over 500 pounds, I was supposed to gain weight.  She didn't wear make-up, I wasn't supposed to either.  She was the shining star in the family and I was not supposed to steal her thunder.  I thought that was ludicrous; how does one hold herself beneath an unemployed, thirty-something woman who lives with her mother?

 

I couldn't do that.  When I started to do things for myself, I was stalked.  I never told anyone other than their son where I was going.  How did they know where to find me?

 

How did they get my phone number?

 

How did they know when I was at the doctors office? at work? at school? volunteering?  How did they get the phone numbers to the places I volunteered?

 

That is what drove me insane. 

 

I finally have an answer. 

 

It is a friend from high school. 

 

I didn't think she was a part of any of this.  She is Mike's cousin.  They talk on a daily basis.  He tells her E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.   She would visit the house and take pictures. 

 

The stalker has pictures. 

 

We spent about four hours talking about the stalking yesterday.  One of the lawyers I considered hiring for the divorce is hitting on me on Facebook (which pisses me off to no end).  All the while the chat ding was going off and driving me insane. 

 

My ex thinks that a man wanting you to talk about kinky fantasies is not interested in having a fling.  Uh....somewhere along the line, my relationship with the lawyer strayed from a professional one.   That probably happened when he discovered we were Facebook friends for several years before I called his firm.  That flirting business is the last thing I need right now.   Unless he has a way to catch a creepy guy watching us in a restaurant, I'm not interested. 

 

Getting to the bottom of the stalking is important to me.

 

I want to know how to stay safe.  I need to know how my in-laws know what they know about me. 

 

Yesterday my ex told me that his cousin was disappointed that we did not go to a party she had set up with his family.  She wanted me and the kids to go so they could see their paternal side of the family.  Apparently the fact that we both didn't go to her party, putting on a happy face and pretending to be happily married upset her.  She wants to broker a reconciliation between my ex and his mother.   

 

I distanced myself from her when she pulled the same stunt with me five years ago.  She wanted a baby shower, so I got to work putting everything together.  When I got the guest list it was only me, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, I realized that she didn't want a baby shower at all.  She wanted to put together an intervention. 

 

I declined and had another friend from high school help her put together a real baby shower.

Now, before I get too far into this....I learned yesterday that our brother-in-law lives within a block of this cousin and that they see each other all the time.  That could be the driving force behind her desire to force us to come together.  This brother is pretty enmeshed with his mom and sister.  To this very day, his mother, sister and father will call here talking about seeing that brothers kids and demanding to see ours.  

Mike says that he sees his parents drive by the house.  I have never seen that but if they are driving by, they are probably doing that to get a glimpse of their grandkids.  A better thought would be to call and talk to their son without yelling or threatening him.  That would probably do the trick. 

 

It is nice to want to force people to get along.  It doesn't work with alcoholics and personality disordered people.  There is something bigger going on here, something so big that scapegoating and tormenting me won't get to the bottom of it.  In my view, the paternal side of the family needs to develop a relationship with their son before I go toting their grandchildren off to see them. 

 

When I had money, I offered to pay for counseling.  They were offended. 

 

I had a friend offer to mediate for them for free, they are still offended. 

 

I don't know what I can do right now other than get the stalking bozos arrested the next time they torment people I know. 

 

Last night, the man in the basement admitted to telling his cousin where I was on the days I was stalked. 

 

I don't know if he set it up.  I do know that he is sharing information with his family that I am uncomfortable with. 

 

We did have a hang up call on Christmas.  I got several anonymous breathing type calls on my google voice business line over the holiday.

 

This is crazy. 

 

I can't have a relationship with my in-laws.  They like to harass people over the phone. They are threatening.  They are menacing.  They lie.  They stalk.   They steal.   I don't know that all of them do that.  Someone in the family does and is very protected.   It could be the lot of them.  Or it could be one of them.  Either way, it makes me distrust all of them. 

 

I'm not sure why they do the things they do.  They just do.  I don't want any part of it. 

 

I don't know how much my ex has to do with it.  I can't ever consider reconciling until I figure out why he allows his family to harass the holy shat out of me. 

 

This is where it gets weird.  Every in-law in that family has been targeted by a stalker.  This is inter-generational.  His mother would tell me stories of her mother stalking her brother's ex-wife. 

 

Yep, grandma had a key made to her son's house.  She allegedly used it after stalking his wife and caught her in bed with another man.  Her story about catching the wife in adultery mode caused a divorce. 

 

They brag about that. 

 

This generation has ten children.  Two to the aunt.  Three to the first uncle.  Two to the second uncle. Three to my mother-in-law. 

 

Do you want to guess how many have been married? 

 

All but one.  500 pound Shannon has never been married.  Shannon is the person who admits to stalking me.  Shannon is the person who pulled a gun on our neighbor. 

 

Most of the ones who were married were married less than two years.

 

Two of them have been married less than five years.  They moved far away and I hope they keep their wives from their gossipy, stalkish and abusive father. 

 

 

Do you want to guess how many have been married over fifteen years?  Three of them.

 

Of those three, do you want to know the fates of the in-laws? 

 

One allegedly killed himself after his wife left him do to her family's gossip. 

 

The other, who I knew quite well, was stalked incessantly by his in-laws.  His solution to the problem is quite novel.  He became an over the road truck driver and is only home three nights a year.  He is the one married to the cousin trying to put together parties to force everyone together. 

 

The third person is me. 

 

The more I look at it, the more it is beginning to appear to be a systemic issue. 

Maybe I do need to get one of them arrested.

 

I want to get the heck away. 

 

There has got to be a way to stop the stalking or to catch them in the act. 

 

I'll find it if they don't move on. 

I have a couple of friends who say stuff like this:

"Look at yourself!!  You don't even know whether you are married and you're sticking around like a loon trying to find your stalker!  Just leave already!!"

Ummm....the stalking will pick up the moment I file for divorce.  It would be best to get the bozo caught now than deal with it while trying to rebuild my life. 

I want to move on without my stalker(s). 

The cops say that he is the stalker. I don't trust the cops after what I endured from the city attorney's office.  As individuals, the officers are stellar people.  It is the system that I have a tough time trusting.  The city manager's office abuses the employees; they are often bullied into harassing citizens.  I don't blame the employees, I blame the city manager for the problem.

And, there is some evidence that the cops may be right.  My ex claimed his therapist suspects NPD.  Narcissistic men will yell at people when they are embarrassed.  On the days that I am stalked and tell my ex about it, he will yell at me for hours on end. 

Every time his parents or sister act up, he screams and rages at ME! 

He could very well be the stalker.  I wish I knew.
 

Love ya,

 

S.