Costume Ideas

Today I am thankful that local lawmakers have inspired my Halloween Costume. 

I'm a witch 365 days of the year, that costume is my last choice for Halloween.

This year my costume was a toss up.

Given the recent cuts to my face, I thought I could go as a zombie.  It would require very little make-up.

I allegedly have inherited an object from a Satanic house that houses demons.  Maybe I'm possessed? If so, this costume would be fitting.

I have the cuts on my face. 

Sadly, I have her hair!  

Aside from this, I was stumped for ideas.

*****
As I drove around town, I started to think about how Democrats in Denver want to create a safe-haven for people using illegal drugs.

They want taxpayers to buy the drugs.

They want taxpayers to fund nurses to oversee the drug use.

They don't want to supply offices with Narcan.

They don't want to increase treatment options.

They want to promote illegal drug use.

Now.......I don't think victimless crimes should be illegal.

Honestly, I'd love to see them stop incarcerating people with addiction problems.

They won't do that.

Can anyone see the potential problem with the government enabling people who break the law?

I mean...what is to stop the cops from arresting these people?

Maybe no one sees the problem with this.

This just puts me in mind of the Colorado Child Support Enforcement Unit.

They're helping my stalker ex evade child support.

He's never paid it.

He sent an email last month telling me he didn't care about the kids.

He also stated that the CO-PEP unit suggested that he go into a program which will forbid him from working or visiting with the kids anywhere from 3 to 27 months.

I'm not thrilled.

I'm a little pissed that they demanded I hire a lawyer before they spoke to me.  Like I have money to spare.  It's not like I'm strapped for cash or anything (sarcasm).

Now, they're interfering in a private contract.

I realize the game.  I can't talk about the stalking or the child support while the kids are young because then they'll threaten to take them from me.

This is how they can keep terrorizing people by forcing them to stay quiet.

You can't talk about it without breaking the law.

They don't know me.

I'm scheming various ways to get support to stop the program.

I want the program shut down.

As of now, they will lose their funding in 2018.  I want to make sure the pipeline is cut off.

Me?

Well....I'm realizing that lawbreakers have more rights than those of us who follow the rules.

I realize that the State of Colorado has pretty much ensured that I'll never receive help from my ex.

I need to work two jobs and find a third income source.

I realized what I'll do.

I can't date.  If I date or get married, the stalking will pick up.

Marrying well.....well....if I found someone that could help a little bit.  I could share the rent.

Rather than getting into a relationship, I could stop taking in homeless youths and rent out the basement.

I'm thinking that could help my income.

Here is the game plan.

1. Find a job with more predictable hours.
2. Start taking hypnosis clients.
3. Get a home improvement loan.
4. Rent out the basement.
5.  Save my money and RUN FOR OFFICE so I can take these clowns down.
 I don't have to win.  I only run to get the conversation (aka party) started.

Next Saturday, I'm going to try to share my story with my senator.

She won't care.  Other people in the audience will care.

I am NOT amused.

*******
I saw a Donald Trump mask intermixed with Pennywise masks at a Littleton Costume shop.

I laughed.

He belongs with all the other clowns.

But....Where was Clinton?

*******
I flirted with a single father of three.

He was adorable.

He flirted back. 

He liked my mask.

(sniffles)

It's not a mask.....

Reality...it intrudes.

I'm old.

I'm ugly.

Botox doesn't hide scars from flying glass.

Cuts don't heal when you sleep three hours a night.

If I had more money, I could afford to take time off work to see the doctor and get a prescription for the cuts to minimize the scaring.

I don't have the money now.  I'm spending it on a lawyer.  Thanks COLORADO!

I'll vote against every flipping tax hike you want.

I can't afford them!!

Speaking of costumes,

Every time I get irritated with a public official, I imagine myself as Kali wearing the heads of men in a necklace.

In fact, a Shaman friend of mine once sent me a bracelet of red skulls to wear to political meetings.

I still have it.

You know....

I should start dressing as Kali every year.

Maybe I'd be empowered to destroy a few things - so better things can rise up.

Yeah, I will never get help being a single parent because the state is enabling a man who engaged in financial abuse and stalking.  They are continuing the abuse.

I guess after all those years of yearning for a career, I'll have to work triple time to keep up now!

I'm on my own.

I get that.

The problem for them is this......people who survive abuse have learned to be persistent and endure hell.  We have been through the fire and back.

How else do you intend to scar our faces?

I'm in this situation because the Gods want me to put an end it.

Thy will be done.

Love ya,

Kali S.

Vomit

Today I am thankful for the way my body is reacting to stress. 


Yesterday, after I took my vitamins I started to throw up.

I swallowed it so I wasn't late to work.


It happened today on my way to work.

I couldn't swallow it.

I went to work anyway.

I cleaned myself up.

I logged in to the computer and took my first call.


I NEED a new job (or two).


I took one call before I threw up again.

This caller was a field agent who wanted me to lie to a little old lady.

He wanted me to tell her that Medicare covered dentures.

No...it doesn't.

A Medicare Advantage plan may cover dentures.   If it is listed in the Evidence of Covered as being excluded - it will NOT be covered.

All Medicare Advantage plans will cover what Original Medicare covers.  Original Medicare only covers dental in very rare cases such as pulling teeth to help treat oral cancers.

If a plan doesn't cover dentures; original Medicare won't.

He was very cross with me.

I guess I was supposed to play dumb and lie so he could get the sale.

I can't do this anymore.

I was sent home for stifling vomit.

I spent the afternoon arranging job interviews.

Wish me luck!

Love ya,

S.

The Only Constant is Change

Today I am a mixture of frustrated and elated.

I am thankful for people who share their knowledge with me.


First, there was a young man at MAC Cosmetics who taught me how to hide the scars on my face.  I have to say, I felt normal after he put my face together.

I felt so normal that I started to wear my normal clothing (dresses and high heels).  Then I cried.

When I cried in joy, I ruined my make-up.

Right now, I am thankful for a young man named Michael and MAC.  I'll find a way to sing his praises.

*****
My boss gave me a day off to get my car fixed.  That was nice.

I'm not a sales closer.  I am good at closing when it comes to social service type of stuff (e.g. motivating people to do stuff or admit to stuff).

I'm horrible at pushing people into buying stuff in one conversation.  I'm more of a rapport builder.  I used to get my sales by following up with people.

In my job, if I can't sell them in ten minutes, I collect the lead for someone else.

I'm working on leaving and have a few job interviews scheduled.

My boss doesn't want to see me go and he is trying to get me to be a better closer.

I just can't push people on Medicare.  I can't bring myself to churn them from policy to policy.

I'm looking at jumping ship.

Maybe I'll leave a good LinkedIn review for my boss.

*****
My ex husband isn't working.  I don't think he's looking.

He got a child support discount because he promised to cover the children's health insurance -but- as he's not working, he can't do that.

Besides, he's never paid child support.  It's just NOT a priority for him.

I have to do it on my own.  The State of Colorado has given him three lawyers to help him shirk his responsibilities.

I'm definitely not happy about our tax dollars being wasted but that will be another story for another day, won't it?

I'm pricing individual and family health insurance policies.

I nearly fell out of my chair.

It will cost me a minimum of $550 a month to pay for their insurance.  That will be 40% of my take home pay from the job offering me the insurance.

The only reason I take crappy jobs is to be able to purchase health insurance with a group.  Group policies tend to have richer benefits and lower deductibles, co-payments and MOOPs. 

I think I'll need to go back into the hypnosis game just to be able to afford the premiums.

I can sleep when I'm dead.

YIKES!

I can't count on my ex.  It's a little overwhelming feeling like I have to do everything.

We'll get there.

*****
There are days when I need to trust the expertise of other people.

I have to trust my mechanic who will probably tell me that the reason my car rattles and shakes is that the gas mixture is too rich.  He'll reset the blinking check engine light and send me on my way.

I have to trust the oil change guys who said it was just a dirty filter causing the problem.

I have to trust the make-up artists who make me look human.

I have to trust that my lawyer won't let my ex-husband off the hook completely for child support and health insurance.

I have to trust my boss who actually improved my sales ability after the ten minute pep-talk.  I'm not good at pressuring seniors, so I'm looking for an exit. I don't want to drag down the numbers for his team and cost him a nice bonus at the end of the year.  I'll stay as long as he needs me to answer the phones but I'll leave the minute a closer interviews for my job.

May you be a person of your word.

May you also find trustworthy people everywhere you go.

Love ya,

S.

Stupid Things That Make Me Fat and Cranky

Today I am thankful that I learned what is causing my weight gain.

It is Benadryl. 

I take two doses every night.

I take Allegra every morning.

I started to do this when I learned I was allergic to the grass and trees in my front yard.

I discovered this when I found myself fainting during wind storms. 

It turns out I'm allergic to most of the trees indigenous to Colorado.

I was vegetarian at the time.  I learned I was allergic to most of the food I ate.

I loved soy, bananas, wheat, and peanuts.  I used to feel turned on by the way they made my mouth tingle....

Well....that's apparently NOT supposed to happen. 

Later I would learn that I was deathly allergic to shrimp.

So I take allergy meds.

I started taking them in 2010.

I've gained 25 pounds since then. 

I was told it was due to the allergy medications.

I stopped taking them.

I've lost two pounds.....

but I'm sneezing all of the time, my eyes are red and I look like I've been crying.

It sucks.

I should move.

This is hell. 

*******
I am also looking for a new job.

I don't know if I want to say why.....exactly.

I'm being told to apply unethical high pressure sales tactics to seniors looking into Medicare Advantage plans.

I was told my job was to write policies.....even if the plan wasn't a good fit for the consumer.

I was even told to sell plans to consumers that were ALREADY ENROLLED IN THEM!  If the plans continue into next year, why should I re-enroll them?  They don't have to do anything to stay in the plan.  This is an unethical sales practice! 

All that matters to my boss is the number of completed enrollments I submit.

I am at a loss for words. 

I truly am. 

Yes, that is the world of sales

-but-

I am working for a third party vendor

selling plans for a company that employed me six short months ago. 

I know this company very well.

They have a saying....

"Always do the right thing for the consumer."

In fact, my previous boss taped this statement to my desk.

It was the first thing I saw when I got to the office.

It was the last thing I saw when I left.

I wonder if the executives for the company I am selling for know this is happening.

I can't bring myself to lie to consumers.

So far....I haven't been fired.

Honesty and integrity.....that is how the company I am appointed to sell for would want me to represent them.

There was a situation where I did not do what my boss wanted me to do.  In the end, I was able to help the consumer keep her plan by following the advice of a former colleague at the insurance company I sell for. 

It worked.

Sigh.....

I'm tired.

I dislike being unethical for ten hours a day.

I'm looking for a job.

Maybe Medicare sales isn't right for me anymore.  I've never been asked to do anything unethical in this business until now. 

There are laws against that type of thing. 

I can see why now. 

I reason that if I lose my insurance license, I will never be able to retain my psychotherapy registration or afford my malpractice insurance.

If I lose one license, it will impact everything else.

So, I'm looking into driving for GrubHub to support the kids while I get on my feet.  All I need to do is find a decent auto insurance plan that will cover me while I'm working. 

And....I also need to get my Buick fixed.

*******
While driving the kids home from a school event, my car shuddered.

The check engine light came on and started flashing.

The car died.

I panicked.

After a little while I was able to restart the car and drive it home slowly.

I am not allowed to take time off of work to go to the mechanic, so I drove to work.

They're asking me to come in earlier than the local buses run.  It would take me 2.5 hours to walk to this location.

I drove the Buick to work the next day.

I panicked the entire way to work.

I planned on dropping it off to a mechanic after work but I finished up too late.

I wound up panicking while driving the entire way home. 

The next day, I started up the car to go to work and the check engine light was blinking at me.

I panicked.

I drove it.

I have to support the kids.  I'm not getting any help.  I have to keep this job until I find something else.

I was shaking and crying. 

Now, Denver is notorious for its pot holes. 

They are the bane of the city.


Pot holes are like prairie dog holes in the road. 



They are everywhere.

They ruin everything.

Many horses break their legs due to innocent looing prairie dogs.

Many suspensions are damaged due to pot holes.

Strangely....a pothole did me a favor.

I wasn't paying attention and I hit a pothole.

The car dipped down and jumped up.

I hit my head.

On the way down I noticed that the check engine light turned itself off.

I wonder what that was all about?

It doesn't matter.....I'm going to visit Midas on Saturday.

Maybe they can tell me what was happening.

Life is wonderfully bizarre.

May you find work and play that resonates with you. 

May all frightening alarms be false.

Love you lots,

S. 

Is it Stalking or a Random Hacker?

Today I am thankful for email notifications.

I'm getting notifications that someone is trying to change the password on my Twitter account.

I should be happy that they haven't succeeded.

This happens a lot.

The last time this happened, my account was suspended for a few days while Twitter helped straighten it out.

That's the problem with stalking....

you never know if these things are connected to the stalking craziness

or if these are random hackers trying to spam my Twitter followers. 

I don't know.

In times like these, I used to find comfort in psychological research. 

I'm not finding much comfort in the research pertaining to stalking. 

They say that the longer stalking goes on, the harder it is to extinguish.  They also say that if the ex-partner is angry or wants to hurt the victim, it can continue.

I'm going to have to get creative. 

Maybe I should change my legal name?

The stalking has pretty much destroyed my business and my online networking. 

Maybe it would be best to start over?

It got to the point where most of my web pages and sites were hacked.

My customers and colleagues were hassled in person.

When I ceased to work, my in-laws brought their crap to my door. 

I don't know.....

In business, I have a personal brand.

I have to use my name.

I can't let other people mess with my livelihood like that. 

I'm trying to brainstorm ways to protect myself.

In the past, I hired a gentleman in India to do my social networking for me.  It worked fairly well.  He has an IT background, so he kept everything very secure.

He'd make posts for me and answer people.

I can't afford him anymore.

Maybe I need to try.

Maybe I should give up on the idea of having a professional job until the kids are grown and I can move out of Denver?

The answer is somewhere.  I just have to find it. 

******
The problem I'm facing right now is my desire to get health insurance coverage on the kiddos.

My ex wasn't looking for a job when he refused to leave my home.  Our kids lost their health insurance coverage. During the divorce, he negotiated a child support reduction and promised to carry insurance on the kids.

That didn't happen for very long.

What my ex refuses to do, I have to do. 

It's always been that way. 

As a small business owner, I couldn't afford to cover anyone.

I'm trying to get a real job (in an office with a company) so I can get health care coverage.

In the beginning, I thought it was feasible to work 40 hours at an office and twenty hours at a small business.

The temp job I have now is demanding about 50 hours a week with a varying schedule.  I wind up exhausted. It's hard to see psychotherapy clients when one cannot guarantee a time slot for one's clients.

I'm thinking I'm not doing as well with the sales as I typically do.  This is probably due to the lack of sleep and the issues that ever-changing hours brings into my life.

I regret turning down a job offer I had two weeks ago.  A Durable Medical Equipment company wanted me to start in their sales department the day after they called.

I turned it down so I could give notice to the company I'm temping for. 

Things are getting so crazy there, I think I would jump ship in a heartbeat if I was given the chance.  They are asking me to work 70 hours a week.  If they don't get takers, they will make the overtime mandatory. 

I'm exhausted at 50 hours a week! 

They're just abusing all of the temps in the same manner.  I hear many of us taking calls from recruiters during our breaks. 

I don't know. 

I'm trying to be responsible.  One can try so hard to do everything that she cannot be responsible to all of the things she has to be responsible for - when you work too hard, some things fall through the cracks. 

Maybe I should give up trying to work a full time job and do a small business at the same time.  My business took a dive in 2011 when my ex-husband's family started hassling my customers in the office.  I've never really recovered from that.

I'm seriously thinking about giving it up. 

If I keep my small business, the question becomes - if I have a small business offering personal services, do I have to stop using my true name on my social networking to thwart the stalking?

In reality, I can't do that. 

The Department of Regulatory agencies requires that I use my real name and post my personal information publicly for all to see just due to my offering psychotherapy services.

I probably should throw in the towel.

As a licensed insurance agent, I am required to make my job information public.  The stalkers can easily see where I work.  In just a few clicks, they can look up my hours, too.

They can harass me at work.  

Maybe I need to change my name, stop being a psychotherapist and take an anonymous job delivering pizza or working at an office being a receptionist somewhere.

Maybe it is my licenses that are getting me into trouble?

It's sad. 

It's frustrating.

I'm really getting tired of being hacked and dealing with hang up calls from my ex-husband's family.

I thought divorce would end the problems.

It doesn't.

Rude people and stalkers just get more creative with their efforts.

I have to be more creative in my bid for safety. 

I'm sure there is an answer. 

If I find it, I'll post it.

Please stay safe out there.

Love ya lots,

S. 

Crazy Thoughts

Today I am thankful for the bizarre thoughts I have while driving.

Everybody undergoes a trance-like state while driving.  When driving, we in a state of focused attention.....a hypnotic trance.   We may feel like we are zoned out but, in reality, if a person dares cut us off in traffic, we would be on our brakes at before we ever knew what happened.

This is the phenomenon known as highway hypnosis.

None of these people are running in my area.  This is an advertisement for one of my favorite places to buy yard signs.

I stopped at a red light and noticed many campaign yard signs for my local government candidates in the corner.  Most of the signs were for Democrats.  Democrats, in this area, have a penchant for stealing yard signs of competitors and replacing them with their own (we've taken lots of videos of this over the past ten years or so).

I laughed when I realized that some of these people are going to be my future nemeses.

Then I realized that I need to leave the insurance business if I want to play in a political playground again.  Open enrollment coincides with the elections!

Not all Californian transplants are bad but I have to say, their influence has ruined our state.  We've had quite a few Californians move to Colorado over the past fifteen years.  They've driven up the cost of living.  They've messed with our political structure.  They've helped pass many asinine laws (e.g. speeding in the left lane of the highway or risk a ticket).

Transplants typically tailgate to the point where you can't see their headlights in your rear view mirror, which sucks, because there are streets I would turn to get out of the way if I knew that the driver behind me wanted to make a turn.

They are often too close for me to see their turn signals. 

Sigh....

Native Coloradoans have a habit of waving if you let them into your lane while driving.  Newbies don't do this. 

Today, after letting an older Californian man into traffic, he waved the I love you sign at me.

I fell in love. 

That hand gesture can sure make a man incredibly attractive.

Hippies are a lot of fun. 

I wondered what would happen if I shot people this hand gesture?

In reality, I typically make two motions with my hands while driving.

When someone is driving a car that sounds like it is on it's last legs, I do a protection spell with my hand. 

When someone is driving in a manner that risks other people, I do a banishing hand movement to get them off of the road.  I also do banishing spells at toll roads, too. 

I despise government fees, especially when half of the money raised goes to a private enterprise!  Why should taxpayers pay for the same road twice?  Why should tax money go to a for-profit corporation? 

Yeah...... CDOT will never again win a tax hike.  They've lost the trust of the people of Colorado. 

I hope their little public-private partnership was worth it to them.

If a red-headed woman, driving an 89 Buick with hypnosis placards on her car, makes a hand movement towards you and you're being a jackass, get off the road before you get raped by a speeding ticket or killed in a wreck.

Yeah, I admit that the things that cross my mind while driving are crazy.

At least I smile while I'm in my hypnotic trance.

May you be amused while stuck in traffic, too.

Love ya,

S. 

  

Exhausted and Frustrated

Today I am thankful that I'll only work nine hours tomorrow.

Word has gotten out that I'm looking for a permanent job.  In response, my boss is scheduling me for ten hour days Monday through Friday.  He's also pushing to get me to come in on Saturday and Sunday.

YIKES.

I dislike this job.  I love my customers.  I love helping older people find options for their health care coverage.

In the past I helped them connect with Medicaid, Medicare and Extra Help.  I would often help them find Special Needs Plans.

In this job.....

it's high pressure sales.

You just can't do that with this particular population. 

Senior citizens have seen it all.

They've heard it all.

If they, by chance, have forgotten any of it - they need protected.

Seriously....we have to look out for their best interests.

So...I get in trouble.

An elderly woman saw a commercial for the line I am authorized to sell and was confused.  She thought she would lose her Medicare if she didn't call the number on the commercial.  She called and I answered.

She was worried about losing her doctors. She said she loved her doctors.  It turns out she spent her entire life with the same insurance company in California.  This HMO has a closed network. She wanted to know what she had to do to stay in her plan.

I told her to grab her insurance card and look on the back.  She did.  I instructed her to call the member services number on the back before 8:00 p.m. to ask what she had to do to keep her plan next year.  She wrote down the question.

I know the plan she's on like the back of my hand.  I sold Medicare plans for that carrier for two years.  I can still rattle off the number to member services. 

Sigh......

Rather than be honest with her, I'm supposed to sell people like her an expensive plan.   The plans I sell now would not work with the doctors who are captive to the network she currently uses.

That's unethical!  

So....yeah....I need a new job.

That said, I do not work directly for the line I sell.  I used to work for them before they laid off their entire call center staff in Denver.  They are incredibly ethical which is why I took the temporary job.  I like the company I sell for.  The problem is that I am now working for a contractor who is pushing the sales in an unethical manner.

In between this job, the educational requirements to keep my licenses and being a single mom - I'm sleeping about three hours a night.

My hypnosis practice is on hold.  If I can't get my financial crap together, I may have to stop offering my services.  My lease will end in January. 

I'm thinking about closing up shop.

My face isn't healing.  My eyes are still swollen.  The cuts are still red and bumpy.

I don't know what to do.

Sleeping pills don't help.

The worst part is trying to get my kiddos to their doctor's appointments when I'm not allowed to take time off of work.

That's going to be some party trick. 

If I can figure out how to make everyone happy, I'll share.

*******

I keep getting correspondence from a Colorado unit tasked with coddling deadbeat dads.  I'm quoting an acquaintance when I say coddling.

These are the same people that promised to help me find a job if I cooperated with them.  Now, they want to help my ex cut his child support payments by more than 50% and make me responsible for everything else (health insurance, medical expenses and so on and so forth). 

They also wrote something to the court complaining about my supporting our 19 year old daughter through school.

Yeah - maybe I'll share my story with my acquaintance when it's over. 

They keep referring to the child support lowering case as The People of Colorado -vs- [Siegfred's Real Name].

Yeah, like the taxpayers of Colorado want the government to sue me into poverty. 

Do they want single moms on welfare?

It's bad enough that the kids are on Medicaid. 

That's a Libertarian sin. 

Don't force me on SNAP or TANF.

Make parents own up to their responsibilities....both of them!

Besides....I haven't done anything wrong.  The name of the case disturbs me.  It makes it sound like I'm an axe murderer or something. 

All I did was fail to roll over and abate child support for my ex. 

I'm just trying to help the kids.  I could help them more if I could afford to get them tutoring, field trips, braces and the things that teenagers need (clothes, shoes, reeds for wind instruments, books for school and so on and so forth).   

I don't receive child support.  I never have.  I'm supposed to receive it.

I gave my ex my car, paid his insurance and gave him money to go on his "business trips" for years after our divorce was final.  I did this because he promised it would help him stay employed and keep up with his child support obligation.

He's never paid. 

When I start to get away from him or seek help financially....he loses his jobs....without fail. 

It's not my fault he isn't working.

I've done everything in my power to be helpful.

When the stalking and yelling got bad, he needed to go.  He told me that since he keeps losing his jobs, he expected me to support him for four years.

Four years!!

If I told him about a job, he'd tell me to "F*ck Off."  It's to the point that when people looking for accountants reach out to me, I don't tell my ex anymore.

It's a shame.  Someone called here the other day with an offer for him.  I don't want to get yelled at again.  I'm torn between emailing him and opening myself to another barrage of hate mail or staying silent knowing that my ex will get out of helping his kids because he won't try to look for a job.

I'm thinking this irresponsible avoidance of life is a game to this guy. 

These State officials are playing on his team with our tax dollars.  I'm a tad bit disgusted. 

When I called to ask what was going on, they told me they wouldn't talk to me unless I hired an attorney.  They took information from me.  When they got what they wanted, they told me I needed a lawyer.

I had to put the legal fees on credit.  That is something I shouldn't have to do as a single mother.

The taxpayers are paying for them to act as his attorney.  This state office has three attorneys helping him abate his child support.

Three lawyers!!

I'm not a criminal.  We'll see who ends up in jail.  I'm not the one with the contempt action under my belt.

I'm beginning to regret asking the judge to keep him out of jail during the last contempt hearing. 

Here's the problem....

My ex made $50,000 a year.  He's an accountant. 

Now, he's being told that he's only worth $12 an hour by the State of Colorado.

What will that do to him?

He's upset with me.  He's sending me messages saying that he doesn't care his kids.  He is depressed.  He's worthless.  He doesn't care about life.

He's either trying to manipulate me -or- someone has told him he's worth nothing more than $12 an hour.

Why in the heck would the state agree?

The other question I have ....

well....

Why would the State of Colorado put a deadbeat dad into a program that forbids him from working for a period ranging from three to 3 - 27 months?

That's enough time to get him put in jail. 

Even if his child support is dropped to $100 a month.  If he's a year behind, it's a felony.

Besides, I thought their primary mission was to connect kids to their non-custodial parents?  Putting him in a rehab center where he's not allowed to contact them for months at a time is not helping the parent child relationship.

What in the world are they doing?

Maybe the organization isn't clear on their values. 

I don't know. 

I'll never understand.

Manipulative people always seem to win.

I can't waste time and money trying to fix lazy liars. I've got to figure out how to support the kids on my own.  

People go to crazy lengths to get back at the people they're angry at. 

Some will go to the point of voluntary impoverishment to get sympathy. 

My ex is angry at me. 

He's always been angry at me.

I wish I knew why.

******
All I know is that I need to find a way to triple my income in order to make up for the money he'll never send me.

I have no clue where to start. 

Here is a thought:

Rewarding deadbeat dads for being irresponsible isn't going to help him or his kiddos.  I don't know what you consider a deadbeat dad to be, so I'll define what I think a deadbeat dad is.  A father who doesn't bother with visitation is a deadbeat.  I can understand not paying child support when out of work.  I cannot understand a failure to even try to be there for the kiddos. 

As far as the State of Colorado, they'd be best served to help the responsible custodial parents get jobs (like they promised me back in July).  I can understand helping someone who tries to send something to the kids every month.

I think $25 would be cool.  I've never seen a dime. 

An accountant with a college degree is NOT what I would consider an impoverished dad.  A dad working at McDonalds (or even in the call center I work at) could be an impoverished dad.  All of the impoverished men (and women) I work with who make $12-$15 an hour have to be current on their child support because they are licensed as insurance agents in 37 states.  They are doing what they are supposed to do.

Someone making $25 or more an hour....no, that is not an impoverished dad.  Unless....he had a stroke, heart surgery, or lost a foot to diabetes.  If so, one would hope he would have told me that so I could have looked at the situation differently.

Is he on SSI disability? 

He's not. 

Absent a real emergency, this is a game.  Trust me, this isn't the first game since our divorce.

I remember a time he wouldn't move out of my home because he was going to get bariatric surgery.  It never happened.

I asked him to move out and he fell out of the back of a semi.  I had to nurse him through a surgery. 

Every time I asked him to move out, there would be another crisis.

This is just another one of those crisis.  Sadly, he has what appears to be the backing of the State of Colorado to engage in the games.

I've probably lost just by association.

A true winner doesn't worry about battles - she worries about wars.

My war is with tax dollar waste.

I'm seeing quite a bit of taxpayer waste here:

1. Support a deadbeat dad by paying his legal fees and providing three lawyers to him so that he can lower child support and make the custodial mother responsible for all costs of healthcare and insurance,
2. Put him in a program which forbids him from working or seeing his kids for a period of up to 27 months which puts the taxpayers at risk of having to pay for his three squares and a room in the prison system,
3. Force a woman and her kids on welfare and Medicaid/CHP+
-and-
4. Impoverish the family so much that the college aged student has to survive by utilizing government grants.

Don't you see?  This is adding up for my fellow Coloradoans.

They'll think they're right.  I understand suspending or abating it temporarily while someone is unemployed.  Don't lower it permanently.

You know something, I'm probably wrong because I'm honest. 

Manipulative people tend to get what they want.

In fact, that used to be his mantra.

He would say "Mikey gets what he wants."

Sad....eh?

******

I have no clue what to do. 

I know this is happening to me because, in the future, I'll probably have to face funding for this organization on some level.

In fact, I have frenemies who are either County Commissioners or running for the seats.  I would run for office this year....but....I need to work hideous hours now.  

I should mention this to them.

I've hinted at it.

I've NEVER told them which county agency was goading me and my ex to be irresponsible towards our children.

I have mentioned that a county agency is asking to drop my ex's responsibility for his kiddos and shaming me for supporting a college student.

I'll wait until this is over so I can show them the entire story. 

The Gods put me in these situations for bizarre situations.  There is a reason I'm enduring this.

I'll probably wind up doing something about it. 

We never know what the future holds. 

******

I'm writing to let you know I'm still alive. 

I'm still getting hang up calls. 

There are many numbers I cannot trace.

One number turned out to be a bill collector for my ex-husband.  They're calling my hypnosis business line.

This is getting exhausting.

I have to pay some of his bills because they involve the kids (charges that were incurred when they were on his insurance plan).

There are some things I will not pay for (his hand surgery, drugs and so on). 

I learned my lesson when he wouldn't pull the auto insurance policy and they deducted his insurance premiums from my checking account for months after he left this house.  I paid that after I was laid off from my job.

I told Ameriprise not to renew the plan since my ex wouldn't tell them he moved.

Do you know what is funny? 

The judge wanted him to pay alimony!

My ex didn't cooperate in mediation so I gave up.

That's partly why I say it is a game. 

He wins by ignoring stuff.

He will ignore this. 

The state has incredible pull.  If they behave as his attorneys, the kids will lose. 

*****

This is what manipulation looks like.

People play games. 

Employers play games with hours.

Salesmen play games with the truth. 

County officials play games to increase their numbers.  It's going to be funny when the future reveals how unsuccessful this program truly is.

Honest people don't get help from this program. 

Manipulative deadbeats do. 

It's sad. 

I have other lessons.

Single mothers wrinkle due to a lack of sleep.  I think I'm getting a bronchial infection and a rash.

When you're tired, you get sick easily and don't heal.

I have a lot of lessons. 

I know the kids and I are going to get skewered by the State of Colorado and my ex in court. 

That's my fault.

Yeah....on a metaphysical level I believe I brought this on myself. 

I complained about being celibate for well over a decade.

Maybe my ex thought it would be fun to gang screw me in court. 

Even if I tried to sleep, I'd stay awake worrying about it. 

The funny thing is....just watch....they'll bring up my blog in court thinking it'll shame me into conceding child support to help my ex get a real job.

Sure, it'll help him......once he gets it lowered to nothing, he'll go back to work as an accountant and tell me he's still poor. 

If I give up the funds, the kids will never get it back.  They'll be impoverished and miss out on the things that can help them start adulthood on the right track.

I'm thinking the State of Colorado has its priorities mixed up. 

They're lucky I'm too busy playing mommy and daddy to run around campaigning right now. 

Love ya lots,

S. 

The People in my Town

It's hard to imagine that we'll get no new Tom Petty music.  May he rest in peace. 

Today I am thankful for the people in my city.

I had to go out to get a bookshelf.  I still have too many books and it was time for me to organize them. 

They usually sit in little piles on the floor. 

I had a disturbing dream.  One I may or may not share. 

It involved a party in my home and a man from my past.

I've had several of these dreams in the past few months.

If people are going to come into my home, I may as well give them a space to walk.

*****

I guess I'll share the dream.

In the latest dream, I'm inviting people to my home for a mini-estate sale.  Everything is free. 

People are paying for stuff, so I designate one of my neighbors who needs money to play the role of cashier.

I truly have far too many clothes and shoes.  Many of them I've only worn once or twice.

In my dream, I see my red thigh high leather boots and my black thigh high leather boots just sitting there waiting to be taken. 

I actually have a pair of stripper boots that have inserts of various colors, so they match just about any outfit.

I'm seeing all of my favorite items in my dream. 

I'm trying to give them good homes.  

My tenor saxophone is given away.  My clarinet is gone.  Many of my dresses from India have found homes. 

I can breathe in my space again. 

People are bringing food. 

We're singing and dancing. 

It's nighttime.   I have a little string of lights lighting up the porch where people are gathered.

Someone, in her gratitude for the new clothes, brought me some of her homemade soap.

That's a luxury that I truly love.  I used to make my own soap before lye became hard to buy locally. 

As I'm socializing, I see a familiar face in the crowd.

It's a very old friend from school.  He's talking about his wife and how proud he is of her.

I can't find her to meet her. 

I've had this dream a couple of times. 

I never meet her.

He points in my direction but it's unclear exactly who he is pointing at. 

I wake up a little confused. 

I always have this dream when I forget to take my sleeping pills.  I was sick last night.  It's a long story.....I took in another young person.  My latest house guest is a pot smoker.  I'm allergic to pot.  I think I fainted from the smoke before I could take my meds.  Yeah, we'll have to have a talk, she isn't quite old enough to smoke the stuff legally.

At least, when I forget to take the sleeping pills, I can remember the dreams. 

On the bright side, the re-occurring dream has inspired me to clean out my clutter and donate some stuff to the local charities.

I donate ten items a week. 

Do you want to know something?  For a woman who is allergic to wool, I have far too many wool sweaters and coats. 

Sure, they're pretty.  What is the point of wearing them if you can't stop scratching?  I'm going to need more boxes for my donations. 

******

Since I smashed my face with the glass window, I hate being out in public.

I went to a few furniture stores and didn't find a bookcase that would fit into my room.

I wound up at Target. 

I used to frequent this store quite a bit before I became poor. 

I caught a glimpse of my face while grabbing dinner out of the freezers.  My reflection looked horrific.

I held my head down in shame. 

No amount of MAC make-up can hide the new scars around my eyes. 

It was the darndest thing, as I stared at my face in the glass, a woman came up to me and started to chat with me. 

She just opened up a salon down the street and invited me in for a consultation.  She sells the make-up I used to wear before I had to buy MAC make-up due to my television appearances.

The problem with MAC make-up is that it doesn't really have enough sun protection.  It's got a lot of chemicals in it and I don't really like how it makes my skin feel.

It's lightweight.  It just doesn't seem to help my skin the moment it comes off.  In the past, I wore Mary Kay and/or made my own make-up. 

I stopped doing all that when I needed to buy commercial make-up.

I just realized she may be able to help me. 

Someone offered me an interview for a in-person insurance sales job.  In this job, I would need to meet with people looking to buy health insurance plans.  I would be responsible for giving sales presentations to groups of people and meeting with them face to face.

I hesitate to take the opportunity because of the cuts and scars on my face.

Maybe I can. 

As I left, a young man approached me and asked about my family.  He looked vaguely familiar.  When I saw his name tag, I knew him in an instant.

Twelve years ago, he lived across the street in the little rental property.  His parents were going through a divorce.  His mom left.  His dad was struggling financially. 

He was scapegoated for the family's problems. 

He is a good kid.  Over the next year or so, he spent a lot of time at my home, doing his homework and playing with kids. 

I truly enjoyed the days he visited.  We'd have parties and he always attended. 

I always freaked out when he fell out of the trees he climbed.  He's the one that taught me why the Gods wouldn't let me have little boys.

I couldn't handle boys.  I'd worry too much. 

He's graduating from high school this year.  He is working at the local store.

It was nice seeing him.

I'm going to have to get something nice for this young man who has beat all the odds.   His parents faced homelessness.  He made it!  I'm so happy for him. 

Maybe it's not a bad thing leaving the house once in awhile. 

People still see the real me despite the scars.

It's strange how that brings tears to my eyes.

I'm not a leper.

I'm me. 

******
There was something else that happened today. 

A married male political activist asked me out to coffee.  I'm sure it is because he and his wife want to do something to honor the veterans in our city.

This person and I attended elementary and middle school together.  I lost touch with him when my mother died in 1984 and I moved across town to live with an uncle.  The man's parents are buried near mine at the local national cemetery.  He's a famous musician known for honoring veterans. 

Back in middle school, he had all the good solos in marching band.  He's only gotten better through the years. We lived in a tiny town and there couldn't have been 200 hundred students in the entire school.  It was funny, we usually won the competitions and the judges thought we were from Wyoming. 

No.....we lived in Colorado.

This gentleman found me on Facebook during my mayoral run.  We live in the same city now.

I declined the meeting.  It's instinctual.

In the past, whenever I was alone with men, I got stalked.

It didn't matter if I were with a married man.

It didn't matter if I were in public. 

My ex or a member of his family always seemed to be there watching.

That's why I take jobs in call centers.  They tend to be high security places.  It's hard to get stalked in a call center.

I stopped meeting with people in public. 

If my ex is truly in rehab, there is no danger....is there?

I'll stop being silly and get out and be more social. 

Who knows?  He may want to put together a small band to play for the families of people who paid the ultimate price for our country.

Or he may just need me to volunteer for one of his causes.

It can't be bad. 

I know great people.  Why am I terrified to be alone with them?

It's high time I stopped doing that. 

Love ya lots,

S. 

The Stalking Isn't Over.....Sigh...

Today I am thankful for Caller ID and Google.

Long story short....

My ex's cousins have been calling me.

They don't leave messages.

They just hang up. 

I Google the numbers of the hang up calls I get.

They belong to his cousins. 

I don't want to answer. 

They are calling a number that I don't share with many people.  Only a handful of people know it.

One of my former boyfriends has it in case he or his lovely lady need a kidney.  With all the pain meds I'm poppin', that kidney may have to stay where it is.  I need to stop taking NSAIDS like candy, lest I need to go on dialysis in the future. 

My sister, aunts and an uncle have the number.

I don't advertise it.  I keep it to myself.  I advertise VOIP numbers that I have forwarded to this number so I can keep location secure.

In the past, my ex's relatives would call my land line and hang up.  The cops explained to me that they did this to gauge if I were home.  If I answered, nothing would happen.  If I failed to answer, I would find one of them breaking into my home minutes later. 

This is why I NEVER answer my land line.  I still have it.  I just never answer it. 

This could be why they're calling my cell phone.  I let my guard down when I heard that my ex was in rehab. 

I bought a new phone to help with the job hunt.

I turned on my GPS so I could find my way to job interviews easily. 

I attached my phone to my Google account - the one that kept getting hacked.

That was a mistake.

My GPS is off now.

I've changed all my passwords and added two-party authentication to my accounts.   

I'm a little nervous. 

I don't know why they are calling me.  I don't know how they got my number. 

It's nothing that I can't handle.

I just wanted to document this somewhere.

It's a little weird. 

Every time I get hang up calls from my ex's relatives, the shit starts to hit the fan. 

If I turn up blue, it is most likely my ex or his family that sent me to my maker. 

******
It would be nice if I could talk to my in-laws without fear of being stalked or beat up. 

I would tell them that my ex claims to be homeless and is in need of help.

Then again, that could be the reason for the calls.

In the past, he'd lie to them and they'd attack me on his behalf.

I don't know. 

I wish I understood what was going on.

I don't.

******
I know my ex is angry at me.

He recently expressed his anger at my taking him to court to force him to vacate my home.  This was more than three years after he agreed to move out during our divorce.

I didn't want the house.  He gave it to me and wouldn't listen to me.  The mediator thought that my ex wanted me to stay in this house so he could continue to stalk me.

It was high time for him to leave - 39 months after he was supposed to leave.

Besides, he was mooching off of me.  I gave him my vehicle.  I paid for his auto insurance.  I gave him money to drive to his business meetings.

I make about 50% of what he made.  I can't afford to give all of my discretionary income to my ex, especially when he wasn't helping out financially or with the chores.  In the end, he didn't even want to tote the kids to and from school.

I understand he's angry because I stood up for myself.

People who feel entitled to your time and energy typically get angry when you start to assert boundaries to protect yourself.

I need to protect myself.

I'm staring to feel afraid again.

******

I don't really have the time to be angry.

I'm working a very erratic schedule.  It's enough to make me consider switching jobs before the end of the insurance enrollment season.

I'm so busy selling insurance that I had to put my hypnosis practice on hold.  One career makes up for the child support I never receive.  The other career feeds my soul.

It's probably my fault.  I asked for a job that paid me what I used to make.  This job has a lot of mandatory overtime, so I may just come close to making what I used to make by the time December 7th comes around. 

We'll see.

They only pay $1 in commission for each health insurance enrollment - isn't that cute? 

I used to easily make $1,000 a month in commissions. 

I'm not going to complain.

It's a job. 

I'm lucky to have a job (especially with this face).

I only have to work an hour tomorrow. 

I probably should take this time to heal my face from the injuries I sustained two weeks ago when glass shattered on my face.

I will wind up with four scars.

The two scars extending from my left eye form a little mask.

With all the cuts on my face, I look a little bit like my tabby cat.

There are two on my chin. 

I find myself wondering if Botox can fluff them out?

It still hurts to touch my skin.  Sometimes my eyes get so swollen from the scar cream that I cannot see.

Vanity hurts.

We'll see where I end up.

It's not so bad to get cut up when you're my age.  My skin is older.  Most people my age have wrinkles.  Two of the cuts look like they could be wrinkles.

If this would have happened when I was twenty, I probably would have been very depressed about it.

May you see the beauty of you at every stage of your life.

May you find solutions to all of your problems swiftly and easily.

Stay safe out there.

Love ya,

S.