Take Advantage of Change Moments

 

Today I am thankful for my decision to exit my job. 

I love working with people recovering from addiction.  Each and every person I've met with this issue tend to be diamonds stuck inside a ball of traumatic glue. 

Once the substances wear off, 

once they begin to work on their personal traumas, 

once they start setting boundaries with their demons, 

they turn out to be the best humanity has to offer. 

There is nothing that is a greater teacher of wisdom than the addiction journey. 

That said, 

the business is disturbing. 

Corporations try to buy out competitors to increase the cost of their services. 

(Note: this population tends to struggle financially so money really isn't always going to be there.) 

Corporations push counselors across legal lines. 

Regulations recommend a caseload of fifty. 

Now, they're telling me 100 is the norm. 

It's enough to make me want to start a campaign to get on the addiction counseling board at DORA. 

You cannot do good work in forty hours a week with a caseload of 100. 

Then again, 

in private practice, I capped my caseload at 20.  We typically did great work within four to eight sessions.  My initial methodology was short-term therapy. 

*****

It's not uncommon for stressed counselors to become anxious and obnoxious. 

Over the course of the past few years, I've tolerated verbal abuse, threats, and accusations that wind up making me laugh and feel sorry for my bosses. 

My former boss was a bully. 

My current boss is being overworked. 

That said, 

I'm beginning to see why I was bullied at my last job. 

It's starting to happen where I'm at now. 

Right now, it's just irritating. 

I'm going to leave before it gets too bad. 

Let me tell you why I keep getting into trouble: I hate bitching. 

So, my colleagues have figured out if they bitch about having to do something, I'll do it. 

I took on a group on Saturday through 1-1-2022 to stop the bitching.  The deal was that, after five months of my doing it solo, they would take turns with the group after the New Year Holiday so that I could attend to my coursework for my art and music therapy certification.  

I would do the group on the weekends I was not in school.  They would take turns the weekends I was in school. 

No one wanted to do that.  When I asked, I got a lot of bitching about how horrible the company was. 

So, I stopped asking and just said I couldn't do it because I was, quite literally, investing in making the groups better. 

I graduate with my certificate in two weeks. 

*****

Now, this week, I've been bitched at several times. 

I think the few stressed-out counselors who are bitching are misusing psychology to get me to do their workload. 

One was indirect, a woman was in the office adjacent to mine very loudly complaining that NO-ONE volunteers to help her and upset that we don't kick clients out of our offices to answer the phone to take her clients.   When she finished screaming, I reminded her that I volunteer to help her several times a week. 

She walked away without acknowledging me.  At this point, I decideded to stop jumping in to help her. 

Yesterday, I was confronted about doing my due diligence.  This bachelor's level counselor is why I'm planning my escape. 

I'm going to tell you part of the story because I think it will help someone. 

So...

I have this talent of getting people to tell me their stories just by saying "Hi there! How are you today?" 

I've had this talent since I lived with the homeless back in '87. 

People tend to tell me everything.  It is possibly because I work with traumatized folks (either in the realms of politics, advocacy, or counseling).  People want to vomit out the trauma.  They want to get it off their chests. 

I have kind eyes. 

In sum, it starts when I'm walking down the hallway and just using my catchphrase. 

"Hey there!  How are you today?  I like that [some unique quality of the person's presentation]."

Oh, I forgot about the silent ways we greet each other. I guess I should start there. 

Every single human being has a silent hello.  It's a form of body language that we use to signal openness while approaching another person.  We can usually see these several feet away. 

It can be an open palm gesture.  It can be a smile.  It can simply be a flick of the wrist, a turn of the head, a quick blink.  Everyone open to talking has something. 

All you do is mimic it subtly back to them and viola, they will talk to you if they are open to do so. 

It's instant connection. 

If there is one thing most people are hungry for, it is connection. 

This is probably why people talk to me. 

Yesterday (as usual) a complete stranger tells me about his health issues that he is in denial of.  I let him talk for a minute or so without interruption and he mentions that he is fearful and has quite a lot to live for.  He goes on to say that it is time for him to actually listen to his doctor and stop utilizing the number one legal substance that destroys the liver. 

I say simply, "You know, you're important.  [That substance] is dangerous to stop using on your own.  Any one of us will be more than happy to refer you to someone who can help you get it out of your system safety."  We do not specialize in alcoholism or detox. **

He smiles and goes off to talk to a nurse.  I wave, smile, and say, "It's always good seeing you."  I assumed he comes into the offices often as he knew his way around.  It turned out I was right. 

I'm trying to figure out the man's name and who is counselor is so I can send an email (which is what I typically do...it destroys my metrics but it helps the person which is all that matters). 

Well, the counselor confronts me because I spent 2 minutes talking listening to her patient.  Apparently, she overheard the conversation. Rather than take the opportunity to connect with her pt and offer to talk she decided to get upset with me. 

This is one of the counselors who badmouths the company to the hilt. 

So - I'm going to ask to transfer. If it is denied again, I'm going back into private practice. 

I love my boss but I don't want ShadowSiegfried to hypnotize her colleagues during a point of silent rage. 

*****

People are precious.  There are rare moments of insight:  These moments should be capitalized on rather than ignored. 

Especially in the realm of addiction.  Addiction is a deadly business.  I've seen statistics stating that a person addicted to heroin, fentanyl, alcohol and/or methamphetamine have a 76% chance of dying of that use. 

Anything that helps hit the reality of the impact of the disease home is important.  Options are important. 

If someone knows why they want to make a change and they are ready to do so - do not put them off and make them wait for their next monthly appointment. 

The momentum may be gone by then.  Hell, the momentum may be lost within the next ten minutes if the person isn't adequately motivated to move forward.  

******

What I want to tell you is this 

There are those rare and fleeting moments when your heart tells you that things need to change. 

Those are the moments you need to embrace. 

Sure, change is hard. 

Stagnation is harder. 

It is never too late to be the person you are meant to be. 

I don't even know you -but- I know this...

no two people are alike. 

You, by the very uniqueness of your expression, are important. 

Seize those moments - 

those moments where your heart, your gut or something beautiful inside you tells you things need to change 

and your mind is trying to keep up . 

Listen to that insight...

grab ahold of those rare moments with both of your hands...

sit on it...

ponder it...

reach out...

and reach up....

You are important. 

You are loved. 

Yes, you are loved.  You may not have met your tribe yet but know this, when you do...

you'll know that you are needed 

and you were loved all along. 

Love ya, 

S. 

P.S.  Yes, I'll continue to say hello to this gentleman.  No matter what his obnoxious counselor says. Addiction is a disease of isolation.  The cure is connection to healthy others. 

**Disclosure: My mother had seizures due to the inability to get alcohol.  She had decided to stop drinking on Valentine's day 1984. Her husband beat her up during one of these seizures and set her hair on fire leading to her death.  She died two days later on her 36th birthday after being beaten into a coma. The moral of the story is this: If you are alcohol dependent - get help.) 

Hugs...

The Farce that Endangers Domestic Violence Victims

 

Today I am thankful for being educated and paying attention in graduate school. 

Oh boy - 

I can't believe you cannot say the word Coronavirus on YouTube without getting kicked off or demonetized 

but 

you can call Amber Heard a liar and be a-okay. 

Oh lordy....

Sure, we all want to believe that Johnny Depp is a pirate. 

He's not. 

He's a man...

with an addiction...(or three) 

who cannot account for his behavior while under the influence of illicit substances. 

(This isn't exactly uncommon.) 

Depp claims he is a victim of domestic violence. 

It's incredibly common for abusers to turn the tables on victims and claim to be the victim because 

they don't get what they think they are due. 

Do you want to know who the abuser is? 

Here's a hint - 

it's the person pushing the court cases. 

The abuser is the person wanting an audience with the victim. 

The abuser is the person with the most power. 

This stupid court case is just an exercise in blaming the victim for the purpose of assuaging Depp's guilty conscience by finding something to blame his victim for and excuse his acts of physical violence. 

The trial is,in and of itself, abusive in nature. 

He continues the abuse through the court cases. 

(This, too, is not uncommon.)  

The longer this bullshit drones on, the more apparent it is. 

Yes, I hear that Amber Heard is Borderline. 

So what? 

Borderline?  It's an emotional dysregulation disorder (not a personality disorder). 

Borderline females tend to punish themselves and hold their pain in.  Borderline males tend to lash out.  

Yeah, I dated someone with BPD. 

It's no picnic. 

When it was over, he slandered me. 

Do you know what you do when you are confronted with a snake? 

You get the hell away from the snake. 

You don't call them into court to gaslight them. 

Only snakes do that. 

The only person making a mockery of Johnny Depp's career is Johnny Depp. 

If he had any wits about him, he'd stop this mockery of a trial and give a press statement expressing sympathy to his ex for the hard life she lived prior to meeting him. 

or whatever....

It seems to me Depp isn't that classy. 

That is why his career is in the toilet. 

****

I was following a couple of fellow addiction counselors and like, sharing, and subscribing (even watching the stupid commercials) to help them build revenue. 

These guys had to post videos about their suspicions that Amber Heard is guilty due to "blood splatter" and other gaslighting bullshit theories.  They obviously didn't pay attention in the post-graduate classes. They are also too stupid to realize that them getting drawn into the spectacle is hurting true victims of domestic violence. 

I'll never network with these idiots with doctorates again. 

Look -there are many true male victims of domestic violence.  People want to acknowledge that so much that they are buying into Depp's bullshit to make him the survivor that he isn't. 

Do you know why male victims of domestic violence stay silent? 

It's because of what is happening to Ms. Heard. 

When you tell your story, the abuser will mock you, humiliate you and blame you just to take the focus off of his (or her) bad behavior.  The abuser will go on a smear campaign and shout you down with their filth so you can't speak. 

You will look off into the distance (it's a trauma response). 

The abuser will mock you, try to humiliate you, and joke around. 

Do you want to know who the abuser is? 

It's the one doing the mocking. 

That isn't Ms. Heard. 

I pray this bullshit is over soon.  I tire of comforting abused people in public places worried that no one will believe them. 

As a child of the 80's, I hate to think that this is Mr. Johnny Depp's legacy to the world. 

If this goes on past Monday, I'll do a ritual to Artemis to protect Ms. Heard and the other women being tormented in court by their abusers. 

I was lucky.  Mine only sued me to get out of supporting his kids.  He continued with the court theatrics until he lost his temper in court one too many times and finally showed the judges what was going on.  

Abusers never take responsibility for their piss poor behavior. 

This court case is disturbing in soo many ways.  It seems that the public hasn't learned very much about domestic violence and believing victims. 

Sad to say, this disturbing exercise in gaslighting a victim of domestic violence publicly will only put male victims of domestic violence in a worse spot.  

Love ya, 

S. 

Family Secrets

 

Today I am irritated by libtards who don't know how to read scientific journals; 

even those libards I brought into the world. 

So - 

today I learned that one of my daughters took her younger sisters to get the Covid vaccines without telling me. 

Knowing that one is heading out of town for college and that the other will soon enter the world of work, I sat them down to talk to them about getting the vaccines. 

I'm reviewing the research with them.  The latest research out of Denmark suggests that the Novavax (AstraZeneca) vaccine is safer for young people than Pfizer or Moderna MRNA vaccines. 

That was when the two youngest girls imformed me that their twenty-two-year-old sister snuck them out of the house and had them vaccinated in the early days of the pandemic. 

Crap - 

this was around the time my daughter had a life-threatening allergic reaction.  She was sent to the hospital in an ambulance.  I was told she nearly died. We have epi-pens all over the place. The doctors could never isolate the culprit. 

Damn indoctrinators!! 

It's bizarre - the same people saying 'my body my choice' when it comes to abortion won't give parents enough time to follow the research before scaring kids into making life-altering decisions without the consent of their parents. 

Shoot - 

The now twenty-two-year-old went silent last year and refuses to talk to me. 

That's okay, it's her loss.  I'm not spending $15,000 a year supporting her if she's doing it on her own. 

Every kid needs time to soar.  I figured it was a case of someone saying stupid shit to get out of an arrangement that kept her from living life on her own terms.  Now, I'm thinking the problem was guilt. 

Damn - I really wish she hadn't gone behind my back before the research became available. 

I had to spend an hour after each of my vaccines in the care of the hospital due to allergic reactions.  I experienced syncope twice.  I had two accidents after my first vaccine (slipping a work and damaging my right knee and spilling 1ounce of industrial glue on my mid-section, private parts, and legs).  For days after the second vaccine, I had trouble with my language and cognition (even failing a class I've taken three times in the past ten years and forgetting my name) and fell resulting in a broken right ankle which was never treated outside of an emergency room visit due to the shut-down.  Both of my legs are now swollen and gnarly looking.  Exercise is painful so I'm slowly gaining weight.  I've put on an additional 20 pounds in the past year. 

It was something I was hoping to spare my kiddos. 

At least I'll be sitting pretty during the upcoming food shortage.  I'm working on planting a garden to help my neighbors should the worst come to pass. 

Don't trust your government, especially if the propaganda is in favor of corporate interests. 

Remember the early 90's?  Remember those hearings about nicotine and the insistence of some southern politicians that it was not addictive and that it had no links to lung cancer? 

I don't trust the government.  I got the shot because I work with people who have compromised immune systems.  It was the lesser of two evils. 

We are still living in an environment where there are limited resources and not enough vaccines to go around.  It was prudent then to wait and save the doses for those over 70 who were in more need than people who were less likely to die of the disease. 

People in other countries are still waiting for their jabs. I'm not planning on getting a booster. 

There is new research showing that people with severe allergies rarely get Covid (original research here)  Why put myself through that when I can save a dose for someone else who needs it? 

Young people, those who were relegated at home, and those who could survive the illness are less of a priority.  I can't believe my middle kiddo was so scared she snuck her kid sisters out of the house for the vaccines. 

Sigh - 

at least I know now where the allergic reaction came from and why doctors cannot find the source.  My daughter never told them she had the vaccine. 

Perhaps it's time for an appointment with her primary care.  

Don't hide stuff from your mother.  More importantly, don't hide stuff from your doctors. 

Now, the conversation has to shift to protecting their cardiovascular system (no more hamburgers or french fries), immune system, and be on alert for symptoms of appendicitis.  

Here is the latest study from Denmark.  It has not been peer-reviewed yet (but....in this political climate, I wouldn't trust that it would stay up given the corporate interests). 

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4072489

If the study has been removed, leave me a comment and I'll Dropbox it and put up a link.  Rumor has it that the research was suspended upon the initial findings.  They are enough to give anyone reason to pause. 

Here is a nice interview with one of the primary researchers: 

Take care of yourself.  

Love ya, 

S. 

Political Parties lead to Blackmail

 

Today I am thankful this prude wields the purple and black flag. 

Take heed aspiring politicians:

There is a reason politicos invite each other to orgies and drug parties: it's a way to get dirt on each other to force politicians to vote a certain way.  It's the start of a blackmail campaign.  When that doesn't work, they sick code enforcement on you, engage in silly calls to the cops, and break into your house in the middle of the night. 

 Oh, I forgot about the 8-hour deposition, that was fun.  Wanna scare lawyers?  Study covert hypnosis and when they ask what you do for a living, tell them that you secretly hypnotize people to meet their goals. That was the most trickster fun I've had in my life! 

Sexual invitations even happen in local governments. 

Someone tried to get this asexual to partake when she was aspiring to run for city council back in 2011.

Guess what she said? 

NOPE - 

that's my favorite word. 

I wish more politicians would say that word more often. 

The person wielding the invitation is lucky this addiction counselor didn't try to educate him on the role of neurotransmitters in addiction and how certain drugs and intimate activities mess with the chemical workings of the brain.  

I would have bored him to DEATH! 

I mean....literal death. 

Life is too short to risk the inability to feel pleasure on a stupid, meaningless escapade with slimy people.  

Love ya, 

S. 

Feelin' Policially Preachy

 

"Government is not the solution to our problem, government is the problem." 

- Ronald Reagan

Today I am thankful for an insight I've been preaching for twelve years:

 It's just a shame few people listen. 

Okay, everyone....

Listen up - 

the government that can grant you a right has the power to take that right away. 

If the government can give you the right to marry, it can take it away. 

This is why I believe the government should be out of the marriage business.  Marriage licenses came about because racists did not want white women marrying black men.  Without government interference, there would not have been that disgusting Jim Crow era.  Yes, Virginia, asshat politicians pushed racism.  That's not to mention the problem of governments engaging in fourth amendment violations of anyone who isn't white, sometimes with fatal consequences.  Where I live, they fired a police chief for daring to stop the carnage.

The government used to push homophobia. 

Now people are worried about the pendulum swinging the other way. 

The answer - get the government out of marriage! 

We also need to reduce the number of traffic stops by getting rid of victimless crimes.  If your behavior doesn't harm a soul, except yourself, it shouldn't be illegal.  

No victim ought to equal no crime. 

If the government can give you the right to get a job, 

to get welfare, 

to have healthcare, 

even to have an abortion

the government can take it away with a change in political weather. 

This is true of any right. 

We are seeing it now with healthcare and the abortion debate.  This is why I do not believe the government should be involved in healthcare.  Just look at what the Affordable Care Act did!  Few people I know see the doctor anymore. 

As an aside, have you noticed the trend in the last decade of politicians naming their bills the opposite of their intended applications? The ACA was intended to make healthcare so unaffordable that people would cry out for the government to take over.  

Maybe I should find more bills and make fun of their names in a future post. 

We are seeing that in the new abortion fury from the leaked Supreme Court memo.  As someone who had a complicated and life-threatening pregnancy in young adulthood, I absolutely believe that abortion should be between a woman and her doctor. 

The best government is small.  Hopefully, more people will hop on the limited government bandwagon. 

The scary thought is what the government will take from you should it pass any form of universal basic income.  If the government pays us, it will want compensation in our freedom.  

They haven't even given us anything and they're starting a ministry of disinformation. 

Beware. 

Love ya lots, 

S. 

** Gotta buy a puke green cheap bass to name Mike so I can slap it around A LOT - I'm pretty disgusted at the RINO mayor in Aurora and the lib-tard mayor in Denver.  I hate Hohner basses.  They sound almost as cheesy as that asshats pretending to have all the answers. 

 On the bright side, I play slap bass so much now, I don't feel pain in my right fingers.  People gasp when I grab things out of the oven without mits.  I probably shouldn't do that but it's a fun party trick. 

Feeling like a Cylon Hybrid: Insights from a Bathtub

 

My mind in the tub. 

Today I am thankful for downtime and salt baths. 

As a model, I would take a daily bath in which I would take stock of every inch of my body to ensure that it was flawless and hairless. Over the years, I did this less often.  Those baths turned into daily meditations and opportunities for me to take time to think about the next steps in my life. 

I've gotten most of my best ideas in the bath. 

The insights I got today are horrible. 

It can be summed up as 

Libertarians don't do Medicaid Fraud. 

Hell, we don't really like to take government funding. 

So.....

The addiction business is bizarre.  This week my former boss (the bully) tried to mess with the process of my current job. She sent someone to my workplace out of the blue and tried to obtain a scheduled narcotic one day before she could legally obtain it.  I saw my former colleague and tried to talk to her.  She left the room rather than talk to me.  Weird...

The game didn't work.  She had to come back and follow the rules to use the services of my current company.  I hope she realized I pulled strings to assist her in the past bringing it to her facility as soon as it was legal to do so (at the end of the business day).  

The last time I delivered it, there were a couple of snarky remarks about my keys.  They accused me of stealing a key to the facility.  I just shrugged my shoulders and ignored the comments.  I didn't think they were upset with me to the point of unprofessionalism.  

The time before that, my former boss sent me away telling me to come back later. 

Maybe I should be grateful that she is trying to save me time.  I am grateful that I don't work for her any more. The more I run into her, the more I want to sneak a Starbucks gift card onto my current boss's desk. 

Yes, the addiction business is strange.  The patients are beautiful.  Some of the therapists are strange. 

Wow... 

The fact she'd send someone into my current workplace to undercut me is something out of bizarro world. 

This boss used to mock the patients and allow them to be bullied by other patients.  Yes, she was right that the bulling victims were playing out childhood roles but without an understanding of that and without the opportunity to learn coping skills, the bullying was traumatic rather than helpful.  It didn't help that it came off as victim-blaming. I can't say the fates of the bullied. 

It angers me to my core. 

My current boss is beautiful in that she obviously cares for each and every one of the patients, even those she worked with at other facilities. 

I was informed her job is at risk. 

I'm hoping this is gossip. 

If they fire her, I'm gone. 

Seriously...

The rumor is that they are going to fire her because we are not billing Medicare as often as we can (something I read as engaging in Medicaid fraud).  I know of no specific instances of Medicaid fraud.  I do know that my colleagues are leaving the company in droves. 

They allegedly want us to bill the high-end services as soon as we possibly can rather than when the patient needs them.  

I'm hoping this is bullshit.  If not, I'm possibly going to jump back into politics or something. 

Me? 

No...if someone is going to see me while they are in distress and singing a new country music song** 

I'm going to help them rewrite their song. 

That is what a counselor does. 

(**you know....a country music song.  The kind of song where the cat, the dog, the singer's spouse, mom, and grandpappy die while their house is destroyed by a tornado and takes the truck with it kind of melody), 

The high-end service can wait until the key of their life improves.  The state requires this service every six months, they want us to bill it every eight to twelve weeks.  We are only able to bill it every 91 days (at least that's my interpretation of the law.  I could be wrong.) 

That is what an agency does. 

In the past 45 days, my workload has increased by 50%.  I assumed that I was slow because I'm new to the field.  I asked the high performers how they get their notes done.  I even went to an outside supervision group and asked how the therapists at other agencies get their work done. 

I thought I was the only one donating ten hours per week off the clock to do my notes. 

Nope...every master's level therapist working at an agency I spoke with reported doing work off the clock and on the weekends to get their work done.  This is especially true of the interns. 

I made better money selling insurance. 

The equipment sucks.  They use a VoIP service which slows down the computers to a crawl.  I have to go out today and buy my own hot spot to utilize the computer systems at another location where some of my newer patients get their services.  All of the counselors at this location quit so we had to take on their patients.  

Not sure I have the time or money to do that today. After making the repairs to my home, I'm going to be broke.  I'm told it will cost at least $2,000 to fix the doors.  I haven't had anyone give me a quote for the broken garage door. 

I buy my own equipment, my own malpractice insurance, my own tools of the trade, upgraded my phone and wifi service, and bought my own headset so I can talk and type at the same time Now I need my own laptop with a hotspot because I'm not allowed to use the wifi. 

I can make the same money working at McDonalds.  It would also be less expensive. 

This is flippin' insane. 

I don't mind investing in the patients.  Investing in a company that doesn't care about them is a different story.  I truly hope this is gossip.  

At this point, I'm concerned that they are going to go out of business. 

I pray I'm wrong. 

It's time to pull back my efforts and start seeing private clients again. 

I'm in the bath, 

unable to see past the bulge in my mid-section. So yes, the tip-off is that I've gained 21 pounds in the past year due to not having the energy to work out. 

Cortisol (the stress hormone) makes us fat, especially in the middle.  

I love our patients. 

I love my boss. 

They say that people leave their jobs due to their bosses.  If I stay, it's out of respect for her. 

Now, I feel like a Cylon with the first verse of 'All Along the Watchtower' going round and round in my head. 

There must be some kind of way outta here

Said the joker to the thief

There's too much confusion

I can't get no relief

Maybe I should not buy a hotspot and just pay someone to review my resume. 

Love you, 

S.