Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory.

I can't say that I buy into it very much.  People change over the course of their lives.  Healthy people grow.  Unhealthy people either stay static or regress.  So what one tests today may change tomorrow.

I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies.  If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors.  

I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories.  From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory.  A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. 

When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ.

When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP.  My ex is a ESTP and when he is stressed out he acts like an a-hole version of me.  The difference is that he thinks he can read my mind. 

 I can read him.  Truth is, I can read almost everybody. 

I say almost for a reason. 

I met someone I can't read.  I'm realizing that is a big attraction to me.  It's like a conundrum, built into a puzzle,  wrapped up in a box, and covered with layers upon layers of duct tape. 

Wow....He's an INTP.  I get it.  I get it now. 

What the heck do I do with it? 

He's not the first INTP that I've ever met.  My political party has a few of them.  They talk your ears off until your eyes glaze over.   They don't notice if you're wearing 5" high heel platform shoes and a short skirt in freezing weather, you must stand there and listen to them share their thoughts about Thomas Jefferson for three hours even if your legs go numb. 

I stand there and take it like a woman.   

Then, when they're finished, they'll either shake my hand or pat me on the back.  Once in a while, they'll hug me but that's usually after years of knowing each other  The next day, I'll usually get an apologetic email. 

They rarely call me unless they need something done pronto.  It's usually an email communication. 

I know the drill. 

None of them are married. 

I find that odd. 

But, oh well....

I found a Libertarian one that doesn't bore me with diatribes his about INTP counterpart Thomas Jefferson.  Nope, he talks about Albert Einstein.  It's not boring, probably because I don't hear it all the flippin' time.  

This is new.  In school, I'd hear about the INFJ - INTP connection.  It is akin to two aliens who find each other and click.  My friend can see through me.  We are more like two aliens that can see through the disguise of the other while everyone else is oblivious to the fact we don't quite fit in.  He can read me better than I can read him.    

I understand what is going on now.  Until recently, I thought this connection was merely a myth. 

I went to a personality forum and searched the term "golden pair" (INTP male and INFJ female).  There are a lot of webpages describing the phenomenon.  Some good, some freaky, but they are there.  Someone posted that in order to understand the connection, one must watch the movie "Contact".  A man explained his experience this way:

Eh, for a decent dramatic portrayal of an idealized version of the much-ballyhooed INTP-INFJ pairing, watch the movie Contact. Jodie Foster's character is a kind of hardnosed, dedicated scientist obsessed with a Big Question, and convinced that the answer is Out There somewhere, if she pays attention to the forces she sees at work in the manifest, objective world. Matthew McConaughey's character, the conveniently-no-longer-celibate ex-priest, functions as the little angel on her shoulder with a deep introspective awareness of what it's like to be one of several billion consciousnesses experiencing the world as they act upon its outward forms. (Making them a crucial piece of the forces-at-work-in-the-objective-world puzzle.) He's there to remind her that she can't really answer the Big Question to her own satisfaction until she understands why she's asking it.

I had to laugh because we had a conversation similar to that on Facebook two days ago.  He's frustrated with other people's lack of self-awareness and often tells them about it.  I'm not sure he understands why it is important for him to teach other people to look inside. 

We have philosophical conversations like that all the time.  They are quite entertaining.  I learn a lot -but- they keep me from working on things I want to do. 

He asked me if I was replacing my ability to understand subjective experience with his objectivism or if I were simply enhancing it.  I think it's more of an enhancement.  I think he's teaching me to start looking for real truisms which, sadly, makes me take a harder look at my theories about everything.  It's like the foundation of my knowledge base lacks healthy skepticism.  If the truth is missing from the foundation, the whole theory may collapse.  I have to re-assess a lot of things now.

He's probably the reason I'm questioning the truth of what I'm being told about the stalking, the money, and why I'm trying to escape this hell hole that I call my life.  That's about right.  I met him a little over two years ago.  I'd been trying to leave but the urgency has gotten worse since I've started learning the truth. 

Skepticism is not a bad thing. 

I thought that understanding the attraction would take it away -but- it really hasn't.

It does, however, reinforce my primary concern.  He wants a relationship of practicality.  If I can't shake the stalker, find a good paying job, and take care of business in a healthy way - I'm not relationship material. 

Sigh..

On the bright side, he won't want to control me.  He certainly won't lie to me.  He'll give me enough free time to practice my music and art.  It's neat that men like that actually exist. 

I still don't think it's doable.  I need a job and a finalized divorce first.  He's my friend.  I don't want him waiting while there are hordes of other woman around.  It kills me to see him alone. 

I'm off to polish my resume.

Love ya,

S. 

.