Typically those that that aren't kind are severely hurt (even the cluster b's but their hurt cannot be easily helped and they'll just draw you into their manipulative web). It's estimated that .1% of the population are psychopaths and 1% are sociopaths.
Today was a weird day.
I felt like a new born deer trying to walk with the crutches. It was bizarre and funny. My kids initially didn't believe anything was wrong so they didn't want to help me. Now, that they know there is a fracture, they're helping me get stuff to and from the car.
I get in trouble for scooting down the stairs (can't figure out the crutches thing yet). I also have no clue what to wear over my cast. I've been wearing my new collection of dresses.
Early in the day, I received an email from my new boss reminding me to get the urine screen. I had completely forgotten otherwise I would have done that while I was at the hospital Wednesday (as Quest has a walk-in clinic there).
After driving to the first location, hobbling out of the car and falling over my crutches in the parking lot, an EMT tells me that the computer isn't working and I'll have to do the test elsewhere. I had to hold back tears. My arms and back were hurting.
The EMT comes out from behind the desk and shows me her knee brace. She gives me a lesson on using the crutches. They were too small but could be easily adjusted. My weight needs to be on my armpits not my forearms. I may want to consider a knee cart.
What initially started out as a disappointment turned into the best experience of the day. They deserve a nice Yelp review.
I went to the location at the hospital. There was a patient in the elevator, a young man with a middle eastern accent who helped me get in to the elevator, he pushed the button for me and directed me to the office. We were there for the same thing, he even helped me get checked in without falling over by showing me that the check-in system was wireless.
The LPN there told me that when she was studying for her licensure, she fell on her ankle and broke it. She also waited several days to get to the doctor but she was able to pass her exams and it was just a story. I think she was better hypnotically than I - the lesson is that this will just be a story in little to no time.
She also gave me pointers on how to use crutches.
One of my neighbors sold me a brand new knee cart for $50. Her husband oiled it and made sure it was in great condition. It looked brand new. I promised to pass it on to someone in need when I was done.
I'm blessed.
My doctor never received the paperwork from the hospital but he thinks I'll be good as new in six to eight weeks. My ER doctor wanted me to see a surgeon. My doctor doesn't think it is necessary. I'm fairly mobile and don't seem to be in too much pain. He thinks I'll be okay with a soft cast. I only chipped a portion of a bone (lowest portion of my left medial malleolus). He doesn't believe it will cause much of a problem with my mobility once everything heals but wants to see the x-ray first.
There was a gentleman at the doctor's office using a cane. He smiled, pointed at me and said "we're the same." I offered to get the door for him and he laughed with a beautiful Nigerian laugh.
For a moment, I had forgotten my situation.
It's great when we forget our worries, even if it is just for a moment.
*****
Thinking back on my day, there were numerous beautiful people doing little things that made my day better. I want to be like that. Even if I do one little thing each day, one little act of kindness, it will be enough to make a difference.
It was an interesting lesson.
May all your lessons be pleasant (without the broken bones).
So, on Feb. 3rd, I slipped in a puddle of water on the stairs at work. I banged up my right knee, coccyx and right wrist pretty bad.
Apparently, everyone heard the THUD. That was embarrassing.
I never had my knee looked at. Shortly after I slipped, I got the first Covid shot. It made everything hurt. I wanted to make sure that the pain was due to the fall before filing workman's comp.
Three weeks later, I was set to get that second covid shot and....BAM! I spilled an ounce of nail glue on my pants, burning the skin off of both of my legs, my buttocks and my labia. It got me somewhere else, too.
I kinda fear finding a relationship because I'm not sure if certain things would be super painful. Let's just say that the sensations I have are bizarre, unpredictable and intense.
Don't burn your (thing some guys don't know exists).
yeah.
Thank goodness I'm a hypnotist and can push physical sensations away at inappropriate times.
Or at least I thought I could.
Today, as I was stepping on the stair leading into the garage, my right knee gave out on me and I fell on the concrete floor and twisted my left ankle.
So....
today my right knee and left foot and ankle are swollen beyond recognition.
I can't walk. The pain is intense to the point I cannot push it away.
I literally cannot walk!
It took some time but I crawled up the stair and back into the house. I crawled into the house and after about two hours, I was able to crawl myself to my bedroom.
My poor doggie was crying. He still refuses to leave my side.
Here's my problem -
Um -
I'm told I need to go to the hospital.
I can't walk.
My closest family members died in the past year. The people I call on are now (hopefully) hanging out with the higher power.
How in the world am I going to get that x-ray?
I could call an Uber but I don't want my neighbors seeing me crawl out to the car. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me.
I promised to volunteer this week! I can't take videos of homeless veterans if I can't get to them!
My heart is broken. I think I know someone willing to do that for me....hopefully....if she's still in town for the holiday..... She's gonna laugh.....really, really hard when she sees me.
Sigh....
I wanted to hear my school chum play TAPS for the veterans who didn't make it through their service. He likes to play for my step-dad. I had the thought today that many veterans make huge personal sacrifices during their service and leave a little part of themselves behind. Why don't we have a song for that sacrifice?
Sigh...
But on the bright side, if I can't make it to the kitchen, maybe I can lose a few more pounds!!
(There is always a bright side....always.)
Darn it!!!
This is going to get interesting.
Sigh -
maybe I shouldn't have ran away from all those guys over the past decade.
If I had a relationship, I'd have a ride to the hospital or someone to go out with my credit card and grab me some crutches.
I'm screwed.
So - I think I've learned my lesson.
The next handsome guy who asks me out (once I can walk) is gonna get a date.
This time, I'll try not to dive for the check.
I'll just pay him back in more interesting ways. I just have to find a way to pay him back that money can't buy.
I should've figured that out years ago...but then I'm asexual so that's typically the last thing on my mind.
Never mind,
scratch that....
I just remembered some types of falling are far more painful that the falls I've endured over the past four months.
*****
Since I'm stuck with my computer and can't move, I'll have plenty of time to type out a plan.
With as klutzy as I am, I'm surprised I'm still alive.
Love ya,
S.
P.S. Oh, great - I drank a bunch of water when I was wallowing on the floor. When they built the house, they opted for a huge walk-in closet rather than a bathroom in the master bedroom.
I have so many dresses, that closet felt like the best thing that ever happened to me -
UNTIL today!
I'm regretting that decision now.
Sigh....
Next Day Edit:
Well, it took a couple of hours to throw some clothes on and crawl out to the car. I would up at the hospital because a nurse told me to go.
It turns out that I fractured my ankle.
That little doggie still refuses to leave my side. I can't believe such a sweet spirit was found on the street wearing a cat collar. He hates the crutches but he tolerates them for me.
No matter what nonsense the politicians at the city pull, at least a civil servant found and saved my little guardian angel. When I want to get pissed off at the lot of them, I think of the person who saved Houston - it makes me less likely to throw a fit.
Yeah - not so sure I trust the vaccine. I won't let the kids get certain vaccines until they are of age because they haven't been on the market very long. If they are going to get sick, at least it'll be their decision.
With Covid, my rationale was bizarre -
It was....
I have an eating disorder so I eat a bunch of diet foods containing aspartame, sucralose, saccharine and a host of other bizarre chemicals (possibly formaldehyde because I swear some stuff tastes like particle board....that's supposed to be a joke but if you've tasted diet food, you'd wonder).
I eat so much weird stuff, what harm can mutated RNA do that I haven't already done to myself?
The first shot made me tired and made the pain in my injured knee worse.
The second one gave me a sore throat, chills and made me sleep. I slept 16 hours yesterday.
The problem with sleep is the dreams.
This time the dreams were weird.
I'm in an empty room with an old friend huddled in the corner ignoring me like I'm some kind of ghost.
I ask him to teach me that trick. I want to ignore ghosts from my past, too.
Because he's ignoring me, there is no answer.
At least he didn't die, break a leg or get injured in this dream.
I awoke inspired to clean my room.
It's all good.
I haven't been feeling well the past couple of months. So, I started to take a prescription my doctor gave me in 2012 that I never filled.
It was for Wellbutrin. I took it because my boss said she had complaints about my energy that she refused to specify. She couched it as depression.
When I identified the source of the complaint, I learned it was anxiety. The person who complained likes to play on her phone, watch her daughter play games on the weekend and doesn't really like to work. She also likes to complain about her narcissistic ex husband and his personality disordered wife who has him by the gonads. She talks about her upbringing from an emotionally abusive father with the nurse in front of the patients. I tended to run around and make myself scarce.
I don't blame her -but- I am one who will take on everything so that I don't leave work behind for the next shift. That could explain why I felt anxious from time to time. It felt like I had to take on the bulk of the work plus work my boss asked me to do because of my master's degree. There were times it was too much.
She had issues with anxiety, too. People who spread gossip tend to project their issues onto the subjects of the gossip. I gave her a worry stone made from her birthstone to deal with her anxiety. Worry stones are the fidget toys of the ancients.
I was as kind as I could be to her. I'm not sure if I'll unblock her on Linkedin, though. She seemed genuinely shocked that the boss said I hypnotized the patients. It seems doubtful that she spread that lie. It's almost as if my boss were grasping at any straw to get me to quit.
That strategy worked.
The whole thing is weird.
The last month, after my boss accused me of hypnotizing everybody, I started to take 10mg Wellbutrin twice per day for the anxiety. It was strange. I had short term memory problems. I could not remember my name for about two hours after taking my medication. My ears would ring horribly and I would literally feel myself fight to gather a coherent thought. I was nauseated, my face went numb....and my blood pressure was unusually high.
Yesterday, I tried to do an exercise in a class I'd taken numerous times over the years. I've never failed the class - ever. I've never had a problem talking. It was weird....I kept losing my words.
I haven't taken that crap since. It's been well over 24 hours now. That stuff is 90% out of my body. It's nice to be able to remember what bills to pay.
The lesson here is that if a job is making you run for mind-altering medications, just find another job.
Last week, my former boss texted me several times and had her RN buddy do the same. They claim they never received the key I left in the cabinet. There comes a time when one has to step away from things that we are unsure are drama or real issues.
Given the bully-shit and the gossip I was presented with from these people over the past four months, I'm thinking it's more drama. They are going to use me as the scapegoat as long as they can.
The only way to deal with people wanting to blame you for their problems is to leave them alone to sort it out. They can't blame you if they don't know what you're doing.
They can deal with their own locks. I need to deal with my sanity. If I'm feeling generous, I'll keep my promise to HR and talk to them about what happened rather than run to the Feds or Glassdoor.
Maybe I do need to ask that dream character how I can ignore ghosts from my past (even the most recent ghosts of nasty former colleagues).
On the bright side, I've connected with many wonderful former supervisors. I still miss one. He died of Covid last year and is buried close to my parents. I wonder if my trumpet-playing buddy will play for him on Memorial Day?
I'd love that.
*****
The past few days, I've been thinking about my Grandmother. Her eldest daughter and only son were alcoholics. They would blame her for their behavior. Grandma's response was classic -
She'd say "I'm not your Jewish carpenter."
Not sure how well that would sound coming from a Bohemian woman wearing a crystal in her Druid cloak.
*****
I have to give people the benefit of the doubt.
After all these years, I found myself uncomfortable in my transpersonal and humanistic training at my former workplace. Working at the company that had a huge focus on the 12 Steps. After a while of being called into the boss's office and presented with bizarre accusations, I started to believe my boss when she said I never fit in with the company. In fact, I started taking it as my not fitting in with the industry.
This morning I realized that she was right. I don't fit in with the company.
The 12 Steps focus on one's defects. It is fairly moralistic, judgmental and blaming. It labels people struggling with addiction. It bothered me to use terms like "addicts" and "patients" and that the company has a cookie cutter approach to treatment. We are not people to be molded into model citizens. It used to drive me up a wall when my boss would categorize all people struggling with addiction as "liars" with control issues. The addiction may cause them to lie but we should be careful about labels.
We are individuals. We are pioneers. We have intrinsic value as individuals that no one else has because we are each unique in how we view, understand and navigate the world. In my faith, we were created via love and bestowed with a uniqueness only unto us as individuals. No one else can make the contributions we make - no one. We should foster the actualization of the true self rather than push people into boxes far too small for their whole presence of spirit to fit.
Where would humanity be if we allowed every person the opportunity to shine in their truest light? We would be far more advanced than we could imagine.
My former boss lady is right, I don't fit in with that cookie-cutter, last century company culture. Its not 1930 anymore. We're pushing 2030!
Its time to evolve.
When I think of the company, I feel nauseated. When I looked at my face during a Zoom meeting yesterday discussing the issue, you could see the disgust on my face. It permeated every meeting I had for the rest of the day. I thought Wellbutrin would help - nope - I just forgot my name and how to talk
People must've thought I had a stroke or something.
Sigh -
I won't take that stuff ever again.
Today I'm wondering if I can hypnotize myself not to look like I'm going to puke when I think of the whole experience. I may see these people again at conferences or during legislative meetings: I don't want to vomit on their shoes. Truth be told, in that line of work, it happens far too much.
*****
I'm on to bigger and better things.
Not sure where to go from here. May have to hire a lawyer if the weirdness doesn't stop soon. Wanted to go to the City Building and educate the mayor but they are still doing Zoom meetings.
I didn't want to look I was going to throw up during that meeting. Zoom and I don't get along. I can't get a good read on people if I'm not near them in person.
Sigh -
I have an idea to push Coffman on to a different path. Right now, I'm recruiting help.
There are some things that an activist has to keep quiet.
If I don't write for awhile it's because I'm working very hard trying to unlearn all the crap I learned in
the past two years. I'm also scheming.
*****
Whoever you are, know you're important. It may take a while to figure out where you shine the most but, trust me, your light is necessary.
Advice is free and worth the cost - but at the risk of sounding annoying, I'll write the following.
If I leave you with any advice, it is to find those things that make you happy and do more of that. As an orphaned teenager, I was often alone. I used to find joy eating lunch with homeless folks. I spent my best birthdays doing that.
I never thought that would lead me to politics or a career I truly loved.
In high school, I spent the afternoons outside of a retirement home talking to former jazz musicians. This was in the mid-eighties so these guys literally played the jazz clubs in Five Points. They taught me so much about saxophones (they used to make them in numerous keys.....these guys could look at something and tell me how it would sound and how to improve it....they even knew where to buy the best gear cheaply). One guy made me consider learning the slide trombone (never did, though). These men developed my appreciation for the therapeutic value of music. I should never have stopped visiting them. Maybe that should be my dissertation - the use of music to help dementia patients. Truth be told, it's probably been done. Maybe when I have a spare moment, I'll hit the journals.
Just know this - following your bliss and your joy will lead you to your passion. Find your passion and the money will follow.
Wishing you much joy, passion and prosperity on your journey,
I was bullied from my last job by some woman from Arizona who scoffed at my famous associates. Well, she didn't exactly scoff at them. She insulted them and made bizarre assumptions about them.
When she found out who my mentors were, she kinda went crazy. Apparently someone on the staff knows someone who has a beef with a famous mentor of mine.
Whatever.....
Towards the end of my employment, this woman called me into her office nearly daily. She hated my hair. She refused to give me eye contact. I wasn't allowed to take time off to go to the Emergency Room due to a chemical burn (by the time I got to the hospital, there was nothing they could do). I couldn't take time off to get my knee looked at following a workplace injury. She also accused me of bizzare things (hypnotizing the patients) and claimed my mentors hated the company (?).
Oh, I think she tried to diagnose me with an unspecified mental disorder. After getting some texts from her and her minions post-employment, I'm thinking that those contacts may be causing panic attacks. Perhaps I developed one due to the bully-shit. I'll hire someone else to deal with the texts. If the panic attacks are situational, they'll end on their own.
Boss lady also criticized me heavily for wanting to help homeless folks (which is bizarre when one realizes that 50% of our residential clients were homeless before they came to our facility).
At the time, I didn't hate the company. After dealing with the bully-shit and HR's refusal to do an exit interview, yeah....I've lost respect for the company and thinking about bending the ear of the lawmakers who fund Medicaid services for homeless folks.
I gave them a shot at getting feedback. They didn't want it from me. They can get it from someone with a heck of a lot more power.
I may have to hire a lawyer to get my knee and hip looked at after falling. There is nerve damage in my right hand due to not getting to the ER in time. I also promised a contact with the Federal Government that I'd file a report based on something illegal they asked me to do. I refused to do it which is probably why boss lady was grasping at straws to harass me into quitting.
My former boss lady and the other therapist at the facility said that people with Medicaid don't get customer service and insinuated that they get less treatment than people with private insurance (that really pissed me off because if taxpayers are paying for something, we ought to get true value for our dough).
I'm also realizing that I may need to block her and her lackeys. Bullies don't like to let go of their prey, do they?
After a while, I began to doubt the industry and thought about finishing my doctorate and do other types of counseling.
*****
Two weeks ago, I gave my notice to my boss after speaking to someone who does very important work for the city in which I live. He told me that 25% of the clients at the city detox are homeless.
They had an overnight position available (don't sleep anyway and I've worked in detox overnight before), doesn't pay anything (but I get to help homeless folks) and
maybe I was wrong about the city in which I live. This could give me the opportunity to change my opinion.
I mean...they helped me get a loan to fix up my house (but hired contractors who broke more than they fixed - gotta remember to hire someone reinstall the brand new shower and the kitchen faucet).
Animal control did find this awesome doggo that I adopted from them.
That's positive, isn't it?
Maybe the city isn't that bad?
Thursday I accepted a job working for the city, at a significant pay cut, because I wanted to work with people who restored my passion for addiction counseling and helping the homeless.
Then -
our mayor opened his pie hole.
I don't really respect him any more.
He was my congressman.
Now, he's the mayor.
A year after I ran for his seat, his staff refused me entry into a town hall meeting because they assumed I lived in Arvada (based on my Facebook page stating I went to high school in Arvada). If they would have scrolled down, they'd have seen that I lived in his district for nearly twenty years.
That's okay - I would've enjoyed hypnotizing the liberals to calm down but I think the politician and his staff liked having the liberals shut the meeting down. They could try spin the event to get conservative brownie points and donations.
I was amused by the story in the paper.
No hard feelings.
Sadly, my joy at accepting the job died Monday. Our dorky mayor wants to institute a camping ban (obviously due to being in bed with the local Tea Party and ignorant of the problems camping bans pose).
The mayor is a fake conservative. A REAL conservative would understand two things (1) The Constitution is our handbook and (2) protecting property values is not the role of government.
Depending on how ignorant the conservative is they may actually understand that taxes and regulation undermine home ownership and price people out of housing.
This guy is liberal wolf disguised as a conservative sheep. He has his lackeys too. They don't give me panic attacks. They just make me giggle.
One of them just called me a liberal.
At least my gut got a work out due to all that laughing.
I'm more conservative than most Republicans. I actually believe that freedom is the birthright of every soul in this country. Blame my faith (which borders on Deism).
*****
Now, I'm writing a letter to get out of a job I accepted. I can't work for the city if they are out to destroy the very population I'm trying to help.
The universe is protecting me. I've been counseling homeless addicts for awhile now as part of my practicum. I just had an interview at a company that I hear is very skilled at helping those in need and actually honors its commitment to the community.
Best of all - there are several women with curly, red hair on the staff.
There is a perfect job for me somewhere.
Now, I'm praying the detox can find three people to take my place who won't be irritated by the politics of the people running the entity that employs them*.
If I keep that job, I'll just get someone in hot water. It will be nearly impossible for me to keep my mouth shut. Eventually, my overly proper tongue will start lashing out at asshats who pretend to have leadership skills.
There is so much I'm wanting to say but I'm going to try to fall asleep now.
I'll try reaching out to the mayor. I'll be ignored.
I'll probably have to repeat what I did the last time a Republican mayor ignored me.
What do you want a bet that I'll either start a new PAC or run for office in the next few years?
This is why I'm single.
Truth be told, I don't know what I'll do yet. I used to think I flew by the seat of my pants because I am crazy.
I'm not crazy.
I think it's because I'm female.
I'll think of a plan and change my mind.
Love ya,
S.
* Oh, I forgot to say that this was the very building where the woman was raped and brought up on charges of verbal assault against an officer because she used the word "cunt" to describe the assault. The city made up charges against her in an attempt to keep her from suing due to their own ineptness.
The building was owned by Jefferson Hills but rented by Arapahoe House (don't know why the CEO didn't tell me that during the phone call in which he tried to intimidate me - that would have been a completely different conversation.) Arapahoe House went the way of the Do-do bird and opened up the community to competition.
The city bought the building and expanded it. Given the work they're putting into the building, this shouldn't ever happen again. So, I can let go of that subconscious concern. That female politician who predicted back in '11 that the city would create its' own detox running Arapahoe House out of business stood by her word. I knew she would.
I just feel sad for the women who were assaulted prior to the change in ownership.
Today I am thankful that I am gracious and can ignore attempts to irritate me.
So....my boss called me into her office in late January and said that she had gotten a complaint about "my energy."
She couldn't say what exactly was wrong with my energy (to be fair she hadn't earned her counseling license yet).
I asked if it were impacting my performance.
She said yes but had nothing to say when asked how it was impacting my performance.
She asked if there were changes in my life. Yes, numerous people have died of Covid and other illnesses in the past year.
As I sat there in my mask, she told me to "smile more" and stop acting depressed. I could not get time of work to mourn.
Oh, and I never fit in with the company because no one likes me.
I have to say that was hard because I really wanted to giggle.
Then she was upset that a patient said nice things about me.
This was when I started sucking down energy drinks like crazy so I didn't act like Eeyore. After that, the two gossips decided to run around telling everyone I had an anxiety disorder.
By the way, none of these players were licensed at the time. I think my boss is awaiting her addiction license...but...she didn't have it at the time.
Of course, the meetings became more frequent and more bizarre.
Today it was very hard for me to keep a straight face. I'll admit there was one time when I had to stifle my anger.
****
I arrived to work. My colleagues presented me with a gift bag packed with a wine tumbler (maybe for Dionysus? I don't drink alcohol), Positive Energy Tea and a Relaxation Tea.
That was the dig.....those were gifts to help my non-existent anxiety disorder and resolve the complaints about my energy.
I won't be anything other than gracious.
That was very thoughtful and kind, even if it were meant as a parting shot.
I love tea....so...I'm sure the people that don't know about my boss's passive aggressive digs didn't mean any harm by it.
When my boss left, the patients presented me with a card. Their children had scribbled in it. Someone made a beautiful artwork of Winnie the Pooh and crew in the rain (which made it hard not to cry).
Made me wonder if they heard the comments about my being Eeyore. .
I asked if I could donate it to the daycare where I work. I was told no.
Truth be told, the artwork should stay in the facility as a symbol of love from the patients who are moving forward with their lives and hopefully inspire other young patients.
The patients asked me to remember them.....Yes, I will always think highly of them and keep them in my prayers.
I'm trying to brainstorm things to do with them on my last two days at work.
They are beautiful souls. I only wish they knew and believed that.
*****
After everyone had left, I was informed that many people quit after being harassed in the morning staffing meetings. One woman would cry in her car. Another had a panic attack.
The woman who curled her hair was fired.
I wasn't the only one being bullied.
Given that these were young women fresh out of college, I am livid.
How dare this person harass the passion and spirit out of people new in the field?
Ugh.....
It's a good thing that all those posts about black candles are not in my true nature.
If anyone is worthy of a black candle,
it is a workplace bully scaring new folks out of the field.
I'll light a white candle and pray her boss sees her for what she is -or-
that she learns leadership skills.
*****
Please protect those around you.
We spend so much time with our coworkers, it is painful to see them abused.
That has never been something I could ever tolerate.
I look so much younger in the pictures due to the poor pixilation!
Or it could be that I'm not worried about people who tell stories to my boss anymore.
I'm still not sure if the colleagues pegged as the gossips really did it...or if my boss made stuff up because she's afraid I'm going to grieve her.
I didn't see her do anything illegal. I cannot grieve her.
She keeps talking about "gray areas" of the law and that I need to understand that those exist.
She never tells me the context of those comments. One of the alleged gossips keeps talking to me about this "gray area" that I know nothing about.
So -
I asked the alleged gossip who cries when she's alone what she would do if someone lied about her. She said that she would pray for them.
So, I'll pray for her.
( just like I do for the guy in my past....I'll light little white candles and pray for her happiness because if she's crying all the time, she's going to need it).
I told the other alleged gossip what happened and said that whoever told the stories was an angel because that person got me thinking about workplace bullying in the addiction field and that insight was able to help me help a dear friend.
I gave her a nice worry stone made from her birthstone. It's said to help with anxiety because if she told the boss I had anxious energy, she's projecting. She needs the worry stone.
She loved it.
I have five more days to go.
I feel very sad for the woman who was said to spread most of the gossip. She had the second Covid vaccination and was forced to come to work with a fever and chattering teeth.
Maybe I should pray for her like I will for her cohort and that blast from the past?
I'm going to need more white candles. I go through about 50 a week now!
Where can I buy stock in a candle company?
The saddest part about this is that I know what goes around will eventually come around. I'd hate to see who the next workplace bullying target is.
Luckily, I won't be there anymore.
*****
Now, I'm trying to decide which job offer to take.
I'm probably going to take both.
One doesn't pay well -but- the education is priceless. I owe this entity quite a bit and I'll get to work with the homeless. Besides a woman I work with is friends with the manager and several of the staff. She gave their knowledge of the field and compassion for the clients rave reviews.
How can I lose?
( Never mind….I probably shouldn't ask that.)
The other job is a contract job where I am providing counseling to folks on a sliding scale ranging from $0 per hour (for homeless folks in recovery) up to $45 for low income individuals. This is the job that I took the selfies for.
You know what, I look twenty years younger just because I'm actually sleeping! I'm not worried about the lunacy of liars or the reasons why they lie. I just accept that this happened.
If I take the two jobs, I'll be too busy to wallow in self-pity.
At least I met some beautiful souls while working for the company over the past two years.
***
Oh no!
I just realized that I sound like a Monty Python song.
Oh, the horror!!
I'd better to listen to The Cure, Nine inch Nails, Manic Street Preachers or something equally negative to balance the joy I'm exuding.
Well....I thought the bullying at work was kept secret from the patients.
I'm still nice to my colleagues (even the gossipy ones and the boss who revels in the gossip). I still buy birthday cakes, expensive birthday cards and gifts for everybody.
One would hope a leader would be far too busy to give life to stories.
I still enlist help of my colleagues to pick out the flavor of the cake and help make the decorations.
I must spend $50 a month on birthdays.
I spend about $100 a month on office supplies and donations. Last Friday, I spent over $50 buying clothing for the patients so they could go on a hike. The Case Manager asked me to take them shopping, she just didn't give me very much money to buy clothing for 14 people. I had to add to the pot.
They don't know that. I told them that ARC donates coupons to pay for things non-profits need, then I sent them to wait for me while I paid for the stuff.
I didn't lie.
I just didn't tell them what they didn't need to know.
I'm trying to change the energy of the workplace.
*****
After I spent money on the clothing, a former employee broke down and told me that two specific people were gossiping about me and that the boss was rewarding them for making up the stories. Apparently, I am the topic of discussion during the morning staff meetings. She also called it bullying and suggested that I get out before I get sick.
When I was trying to prevent the facility from violating the ADA with a deaf patient, the counselor told me to stay quiet when I tried to share the solution we used at Kaiser and Optum. She told me that the politics of the office would cause the suggestion to go unheard. She also told me that I needed to find my tribe and the place I fit in.
I put in an application to a competitor on Monday and was offered a job on Tuesday. The moment I had the offer, I called and gave my two weeks' notice.
I'm still smiling. I'm still being nice. I'm still hoping to change the energy of the workplace but I know that they're trying to make me into a scapegoat. The moment I leave, they'll have to find someone else to fill that role.
Maybe I should print out those incriminating emails for HR? Honestly, I doubt they're even interested in them.
I also received a phone call from the Federal Wage and Hour Department. Yep, they're breaking several laws (even a couple I didn't know about). I had no clue that companies are required to pay employees to attend required trainings. I was asked to file a complaint on my last day.
I probably will.
*****
There was a moment that broke my heart.
A patient asked me if I worked seven days a week.
Sure do. (Most people I know work seven days a week).
Where do you work?
I didn't tell her. I just said I worked for someone else in the field.
At this point, the patient asked "Is your other employer nice to you? They'd better be because when they aren't I want to kick their........." she became silent.
Hoping to make this a teaching moment for someone used to having to prove herself, I said "Yes. Mean people are like snakes. It's best to stay away."
Another patient started talking to her about jerks. So, I walked into the office and sat down next to one of the gossips and asked if there was any possibility that the patients overheard any of the stories circulating about me.
She didn't think so. She thinks that they could perceive that I was unhappy.
Boy - I will be pissed off if the stories interfered with the treatment of the patients!
I wrote an email to HR letting them know about the notice I gave Tuesday, reminding them that I should have my PTO paid and asking them to call me if they care to know why I decided to leave.
Their job is to prevent the company from being sued. If I read my notes to them, they should be able to discern what is gossip (vague feedback) and what the manager could have done differently (ignore the gossip and give concrete feedback).
Man, I hope the patients aren't focused on that drama. I pray they are focused on themselves. If they don't get what they need out of treatment, that will increase the odds of a lawsuit.
Sigh....
Positive energy usually changes negative behaviors. I'm shocked that my efforts are failing.
Please surround yourself with positive people who resonate with you. Life is to short to hang around bullies and asshats.
and the fact that I really don't like suing people (despite joking about it all the time).
Yes, I've sued people (but, they were bad....really, really bad).
I really don't ever want to have to do that again....
ever......
Seriously.....
So - I got a couple of bites for jobs helping homeless addicts.
This is exciting!
The jobs don't pay well but, at least, my soul will be fed.
I'm looking forward to the interviews tomorrow.
The other day, I had yet another colleague tell me that two women I work with are trying to get me fired. We've lost so many people due to the obnoxiousness.
The last one who quit told me the boss was mocking my psych degree and credentials when I wasn't around.
Another women told me that she was the victim of workplace bullying in a previous job so she knows it when she sees it. She left. She told me to get the heck out of there before they kill my spirit.
Apparently, a woman they got to agree to work an additional 20 hours a week at no pay as an intern on top of her paid 40 hours is spreading the lies. The new person who cries when she's alone is helping her. According to one of my former colleagues, they do the very things they claim I do. I think they're poking around my LinkedIn profile - so I had to block them. They claimed I hypnotize everybody (probably got that from LinkedIn.)
I have a policy,
if I lose three nights of sleep over a job, a man or a situation (and it's not an act of God like an illness, dementia, cancer or a tornado),
I either fight it or leave it to suffer it's own grizzly demise.
I haven't slept more than four hours a night in days. This time, it's not due to the nightmares but to the taunt that "it's a small world and [my] career will end if [I] burn this bridge" and that I "never fit in with the company."
If I didn't fit in, why did so many people offer to give me references?
Why have I been there more than two years?
Yeah....that's weird.
It doesn't matter.
As much as I like to light candles, I'm not too keen on blowing up bridges.
I'm fighting the urge NOT to give the woman who cries something that will help her reach her dream faster. I'll probably share it with her. She's possibly just trying to fit in.
*****
I went to Facebook for the first time in ages. Couldn't even remember the darn password.
I asked some select former colleagues for references.
There is a beautiful woman in Oregon. She was a victim's advocate at the time Michael was stalking me. One day when I was freaked out, she called me and pointed out that he always seemed to have my phone. She's the one who realized that he was using the phone to track my wearabouts.
We pretty much decided to become addiction counselors at the same time.
It turns out, she's being bullied, too.
I had a very long conversation with her and got to return the favor. We talked about people in recovery who are prone to acting chaotic and like "dry drunks." If we actually look at what they are doing to us, it is reminiscent of the behavior of people stuck in addiction; (1) lying, (2) keeping secrets, (3) blaming someone else for one's own mistakes.
She laughed. Our bullies said the exact same things to us - we don't fit in, people don't like us, we're incompetent, we focus too much on ethics - lol.
I'm the only one accused of hypnotizing everyone but other than that, our experiences were pretty similar.
She's not going back to the company bullying her. She'll get her hours elsewhere.
I knew there had to be a reason for this.
The bullies are just cogs in some grand universal scheme.
There is a chance I'll have to hire a lawyer to ensure they don't defame me to future employers.
If getting away from the stress and seeing a chiropractor won't help my back, I may have to sue for workman's comp.
It'll be nice not to have to sue a bunch of obnoxious people.
May everything work out for you, too,
S.
Next day edit:
I gave my two weeks notice. I told the boss that my gossipy coworker is going to be happy.
I went out and bought the most expensive graduation card I could find for the gossip. She's graduating on my last day.
The card has a glass etched suncatcher with a poetic quote on it.
If anyone needs some joy and inspiration, it is her.
Poor thing -
Before I gave my notice, another student called me. She was in tears and about to give up on her master's degree because of bullying on the part of licensed counselors at her Practicum site. One of the guys has a counseling license. He's sexually harassing her and actually showed up at her house! He brags about his AR15 in supervision meetings.
I told her what they say about men who brag about big rifles in public.
She laughed.
It's been ten hours since I spoke to her and she seems to be in better spirits.
