More Weirdness

Today I am thankful for documentation.

While logged in to my computer this morning, I walked away to get a diet soda

(yeah, I know...that crap is worse than cigarettes)….

and when I returned, I noticed my command prompt box was open and someone was typing.

all I saw was run.exe in the command prompt box.

I disconnected my computer from the internet.

****

So....

I need a new computer.

I'm told I need to run "netstat -a."   I did.  I'm not sure I understand what I'm seeing on the screen.

I'll take it down to my crush at MicroCenter and ask him what he thinks.

I'll probably just get a new computer.... they tend to be cheaper than fixing the old computers.

Does this nonsense ever end?

It started getting bad in January, the same time my ex-husband started getting nasty.

All this does is confirm what the cops told me all those years ago.  My ex is stalking me to maintain control.

It may not be him, so I'll just light a black cat candle and pray for karma to take hold.

Love ya,

S.

Next day edit: So....I've been hacked.  So far, we've found 7 changes to the registry.

Weird.....

I should probably have my phone checked, too.

I have a very old ipad that I use to research.  For years, I've been told by the police to just buy new equipment when this happens and call them only after I've been injured.  Few people tend to understand stalking.  Fewer people understand that some abusers will use third parties to harass.

I actually found a recent qualitative study on the subject of online harassment which delves into the use of third party proxies.  I don't feel so much like a pariah now.

Men typically get access to your computers and phones because they are in close proximity to them and can install spyware when we are not looking.  I think this explains why he refused to move out of my house for over three years after the divorce.

It also explains the numerous broken phones and computers.

Now, I know why the police are certain Michael is my stalker.

I replaced my computer and phone within a month after he left the house.  I still don't know how he was able to hack my new equipment.

There were break-ins but I don't think anyone made it into the house.  My daughter claims she heard footsteps in the house one day but was too terrified to call the police out of fear the intruder would hear her.

Maybe he broke in?

I don't know.....we barricade the doors when we are home.

There will be a day when this is over....it may be when the kids are older and there is no child support for him to fight about.  I'm realizing that the intimidation is, in part, an effort to push me into forgiving his arrearages and the judgments I hold against him.  I've decided that I will not forgive any of his arrears unless he has something to offer me in return.

By that, I mean, I may forgive his arrears should I get a job in another state that pays well and I need his permission to leave with the children.

I'm not going to forgive them just because I hope and pray he'll leave me alone.  I've given this man so much after the divorce (money, my car, paid his auto insurance, paid for the mediators and so on) and he's never followed through.  Why would I think my generosity would compel him to behave?

It won't.

Once an asshole bully, always an asshole bully.

Here is a link to the study.  https://dl.acm.org/citation.cfm?id=3174241

You can click the PDF and download the paper for free.

Hugs,

S.

Dreams of Cindy

Today I am thankful for dreams of a recently deceased friend.

The comforting thing about dreams of the deceased is that we experience the joy of seeing them again a mental conversation with them without an awareness that they are gone.  

In this dream, we are visiting in her home.  She's playing a video game.  I'm unable to see the screen so I'm not sure which game she is playing.

She's stellar at video games. 

To be honest, for all I know it could have Pong.  We were both kids when that game came out. 

She's kicking arse without really concentrating on the screen.  While she's playing her game, she glances at me periodically to try to talk me out of getting a hysterectomy.  

I don't need a hysterectomy.  My uterus was mangled in a car accident when I was pregnant seventeen years ago.  The doctor thinks it would ease some of my physical pain.  The older I get, the more I consider it. 

Cindy and I are talking while she's playing her video game and she's telling me that she went in for a routine surgery, got an infection and died.

She didn't want the same thing for me and is begging me to reconsider unnecessary surgery.

In my dream, I remember thinking that she was talking about an idea for an upcoming book.  

Cindy was an author.  She wrote metaphysical romance novels - she wrote about vampires waiting centuries for their true loves to be born so they can turn them and live as eternal lovers.

I asked if she had an idea for a zombie love story. 

Upon uttering that in my dream, Cindy paused her game and gave me a quizzical look.  

I awoke.  

That was when it hit me that Cindy was gone.  

Truly gone. 

I swear I still feel her presence. 

*****

Yes, people die and we go about life.  For the rest of our lives, there will be those moments when we see something that we'd love to share with them.  There are those moments when we want to grab the phone and call them up.

There are those split seconds that we forget they are gone; because they're not truly gone so long as they live in our hearts. 

Cindy died six days ago due to sudden renal failure following a routine surgery.  

Her funeral is tomorrow.  

We are expecting a blizzard and I am tempted to get a hotel room near her church so there is no way I'll miss her service.  

Cindy was a teacher who wrote books on the side.  She always inspired young people to follow their hearts. 

I and so many others will miss her dearly. 

Love ya,

S. 

P.S.  Yes, I've changed her name out of respect for her daughters. 

Garage Door Opened On It's Own...Again

Today, yet again, I am thankful for a place to document the crap.

Some time between 8:15 am and 11:00 am, my garage door opened on it's own.

Nothing appears to be missing, not even the credit card I kept in my unlocked car.

I know for a fact the door was closed because I went out to get something out of our freezer around 8:15 am and the door was closed.

Now, because I'm volunteering with nurses my schedule is erratic.  Some days I'm asked to work the overnight shift, some days I work the day shift and other days I work evenings.

My sleep schedule is off.  The garage door must've opened during a nap I took between 9:30 and 11:00 today.

I'm going to just disconnect the garage door opener.  I cannot imagine how this is happening.

*****

Now.....I do have to press my garage door opener twice to get it to open.  I was informed that this meant there was a code grabber on the property.

https://www.wired.com/2015/08/hackers-tiny-device-unlocks-cars-opens-garages/

I cannot find any evidence of a code grabber on the property.

*****

This happens quite a bit.  Each time it happens I feel like I'm crazy or stupid.  Due to my doubt, I started to make a log of events as well as times I've checked the garage door.

The nice thing is that I know I'm not making it up.

I still don't understand the motive.  Maybe some one just wants me to feel like I'm going crazy?

I don't know.

I need a good security camera for the garage.

It'll be nice to get that new locking garage door and opener soon.

Love ya,

S.

Damn It: The Stalking Isn't Over

Well, Today I'm thankful that I finally realize that the stalking isn't over. 

I've always received emails from creeps claiming to know my passwords.  I get these on ALL of my email accounts....my business accounts and my personal accounts.

I assume that these are just spammers who gleaned information from database breaches of the past because the passwords they tell me they have are very close to passwords I used a decade ago.

Just now.....

as I started to type an entry to document some weirdness from my ex,

an orange box popped up claiming that I was logged out from Blogger at a different location.

Password changed.....

*****

It's not over, is it?

I thought it had just moved to financial abuse and legal harassment.

I guess not.

The games are crazy-making.  It's fashionable for Colorado to coddle deadbeat dads and help them off the hook for child support and health insurance costs.

It would probably be cheaper for me to hot foot the jackass and get another job so I can pay for everything myself.  I've paid 4x more in legal fees than he has cumulatively paid in child support since we were separated!

It would definitely be cheaper for the taxpayers.

He gets his lawyers from the State of Colorado.  That's probably why he can afford to bug me legally.  You know something? He can pay for his own lawyer like I do.

Now we have deadbeat dad welfare in Colorado.....disgusting! That is the final insult.  I'm sure he knows it upsets me to have taxpayers waste money on our lives.

I wish I could carve out time to fight the upcoming quest to defeat TABOR.  I really don't want the state to have even more money to harass single mothers with!

I probably should run to the papers with this.

People need to know where there hard earned money is going.

*****

Oh well....

the hacking is continuing.

Bring it, idiot.

If it helps, everything is backed up so I still have my stalking log.  The events are saved elsewhere.  Even if this blog is deleted, I have another place where I can find the information for the cops (not that they'll care unless I am murdered, at least then they'll know who did it).

I know he's running around stating that I'm making all of this up.  My garage door was damaged in January (don't know how) and the box of evidence I kept in the garage went missing when my door wouldn't shut completely.

Maybe he's trying to delete my blog or dig up dirt on me.  There really isn't anything he can find that will help him in any way.  The only motive I can imagine one having is to try to scare the shit out of me.

Sadly, this happens.  He always has to harass, bully or hate on one person.  In the past, I'd try to talk him out of harming other people and going to therapy.  Bullies don't do therapy.

Now, it's my turn to be his whipping boy.

That's okay...…come and play with the pissed off alleged witch.

Truth be told - if one spends his energy harassing me, I've got more control over him than he will ever have over me.

S.

P.S. I guess that when one marries an abusive dude, the manner of f*cking changes: within a couple of years after the marriage the carnal activity gives way to other types of financial f*cking and emotional/mind f*cking.

It's sad that the State of Colorado is his flying monkey.

Sigh....

P.S.S.  This is weird.  I'm getting emails from numerous accounts stating that I've been logged out and passwords have been changed.  I don't do anything with my phone due to the hacking.  My only guess is that my computer has been hacked.

Who has the time for this kind of crap?  Seriously.....