Today I am thankful that I am recognizing attempts at control.
I'm not sure exactly what to do about it.
So.....
On Monday, my ex-husband demanded that I hunt down the title of the mini-van I gave him after the divorce so he could sell it for scrap.
It took awhile.
I found it.
He wanted me to meet him at a parking lot somewhere to drop it off. I can't mail it to him. He didn't want to pick it up from my house.
He threw a conniption when I expressed discomfort about meeting him at a parking lot.
I finally relented.
I waited at the bus stop. The bus arrived. He wasn't on it. I waited for about twenty minutes before I realized that....he may have gotten off at a stop closer to my home.
I went home. He wasn't there.
I returned back to the original parking lot to find him waiting....angrily...because he'd been there ten minutes!
He was livid.
His level of anger made me uncomfortable.
I swore up and down NEVER to play that paperwork game again.
He does this to me every two to three weeks.
It's exhausting.
*******************
Now, he's playing the same game with visitation.
He claims he's living in a half-way house.
He says that he's unemployed (but refuses job offers I tell him about).
He sold the car.
Now....the game is to ask for visitation at times when I'm busy or asking it just a few hours before he wants to exercise it.
It's a crapshoot as far as what days he wants. Nothing resembles his original visitation.
I'm expected to drive the kids around because he can't.
There are times when he's asked for visitation during times I have job interviews or clients.
I told him NO.
In fact, I told him that I just want to go back to the court ordered schedule because I cannot continually avail myself to his demands. I need to know what to expect. I'm not trying to be difficult but he's communicated with me several times this week in order to ask for something.
It's getting to the point I don't want to check my email anymore.
I'm trying to get away from him and build my life away from him.
When it comes to following the visitation guidelines, he told me NO. He cannot follow the court order because he is unemployed, basically homeless and has no car.
I don't know if I believe him.
I need to know what to expect. I need to have time to build my life, find a job and clean up the mess he made.
I've been unemployed a little over six weeks now. I've spent most of that time cleaning up after him, packing up his things, hunting down documents for him and that kind of thing.
I'm tired.
.
I'm debating taking him back to court to hammer out a visitation agreement he can live with.
I know he'll go to jail if he shows his face in court again.
He owed me more than $52,000 as of last August. He was found in contempt of court. I have THREE judgments against him.
I shudder to think how much he owes me now with interest.
Maybe this need to control is due to his unemployment?
Maybe he has the time to be annoying now?
Or maybe I'm more available to him because I'm here.
This is exhausting.
I probably should sell my house and move.
Love ya,
S.
NEXT DAY EDIT: It's the narcissist attack game. I can't do anything right. Even if I do it right, he'll re-write history.
So on Friday, he asked for visitation this coming Tuesday (the 30th). I've got a client and a job interview so I told him NO.
The job doesn't pay well. It's at a call center. I asked one of my creditors for a deferment and they offered me an interview. Awesome, isn't it?
My ex then wrote yesterday (Saturday) asking that he have visitation today (Sunday).
I told him NO because we made plans. We visited my ex-husband's father's grave. He's buried by my dad and a family friend, so it wasn't too far out of the way.
I didn't tell my ex that. Those were the plans for today.
I received a nasty email today complaining that it's too much of a burden for me to help him schedule visitation a week out.
A week?
He gives me a few days at the most. Even then, he's not very specific as to the hours. The expectation is that I drive the kids around.
After much thought, I told him that any variations from the court ordered visitation would have to be made a week prior to taking place. I asked him to verify when he will pick up the kids this coming weekend.
We'll see.
He's going to demand that I drive the kids around to meet with him and he will NOT let me know when until the very last minute. In sum, it should take control away from him and narrow down the times he can demand from me.
In reality, that will mean that I cannot see hypnosis clients the days he wants to exercise visitation because I'll have to clear up my day to deal with him and drive the kids to the venues he wants to visit with them.
Just watch......
The stalking hasn't ended, has it?
The longer this goes on the more clear his role in the stalking has become.
He's keeping tabs on me.
He's keeping control of my time.
It's very depressing.
With the level of anger he demonstrated towards me last Tuesday (when I dropped off his paperwork), I'm feeling very uncomfortable. I'm almost to the point of asking to drop the kids off to visit him at the police station.
I'm not sure that's a good idea if my ex doesn't have a car.
I'm almost to the point of taking him back to court.
This time I won't ask the judge to keep him out of jail.
Sigh.....
Love ya,
S.
EDIT LATE SUNDAY NIGHT:
I just got another email.
So...now....he's upset that he has received correspondence from the state about child support and that he has to pay rent and has no car....so he doesn't want to see the kids. He asked me to apologize to them for him.
I've asked the state to log any child support payments sent to me so they can keep track of it. The letter is a statement telling him NOT to send me money - to send it to the state. It's not like he'll ever pay it. Just in case....if he pays them instead, I don't have to worry about keeping track of it. There will be a record and it will keep him out of jail.
It's safer for everyone this way.
That must be the reason he's so angry with me. The social workers know he's unemployed. They promised to help him find a job because you can't get money from someone who doesn't have any.
It seemed like a win-win at the time.
Yes, I have spoken to their hiring manager, too. I'm trained in social work. They need someone who is bi-lingual. My Spanish is mal.
I did apply with another department across the hall from the child support division. If I get that job, I can't run for office. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I need a job, so.....I'll take my chances.
I'm not going to respond to his email.....
I think he's upset that I asked him to give me some notice prior to changing up the visitation schedule.
I'm not comfortable with this at all.
The level of anger he showed towards me on Tuesday scared me.
What do you want a bet that I'll wind up as a curious murder story on 9News?
Whenever I go to visit the cemetary, the rain starts.
It is fitting -but- I take photos of the gravesites for the relatives who live out of the country and state....
those people who cannot visit their dearly departed.
The pictures look better without the raindrops.
I'm at home now, wearing my firework dress and waiting for the rain to stop.
The jackass next door is keeping his little dogs outside in the pouring rain.
They're crying and whimpering.
The only shelter they have is a trampoline.
It's absolutely horrible.
Part of me wishes that they'd dig a hole under the fence and come over here.
I've got four teenagers living at the house that would love to take care of them.
I can go out and get myself some allergy medication.
The dogs belong to the guy that freaks out when people park in front of my house.
He must've had code enforcement called on him yesterday.
His very pregnant wife was outside on her hands and knees pulling the weeds.
I'd help her but I'm afraid I'd smack her spouse if he brandished his gun at me again.
It's best to stay away.
She'd have had better luck waiting until today to pull the weeds. Weeds are easier to pull when the ground is still wet.
I can't help assholes and idiots.
I need to save my energy for the people who really need it.
Love ya lots,
S.
So....I saw that my dad's half-brother and his wife died within the span of three months. They're buried close to my former father in-law. My "uncle" was an asshole. He abused his wife. The son fled a murder scene of a classmate (but my sister and I couldn't prove it so it's still a Denver cold case). It was just best to avoid these jokers because trouble seemed to follow them around.
These are NOT people I could know in real life.
Now I can leave them flowers.
Since their lives weren't very peaceful, I pray they can finally rest in peace now.
Yeah......
It's sad when I see names of familiar people buried next to relatives. That's what happens when you grow up in (1) small towns with small cemeteries and (2) in a military community near a National Cemetery.
A guy I went to high school with played taps hundreds of times today for the people at the cemetery.
He does it every year.
I only bring flowers.
I'm going to have to start buying stock in a flower company -and- tissues.....I buy a lot of tissues, too.
Today I am thankful for my built in warning system.
I have PTSD.
Sometimes I get panic attacks.
For me, they are incredibly brief. They may last five seconds or so. It's a little spinney type of sensation that gets my attention and then goes away.
I do have asthma. It feels similar but it is different in that the asthma causes me to cough when I can't breathe.
Panic attacks do not cause coughing. They make my heart race, they make me spin and I get breathless.
I just think of grounding my feet into the ground and I'm better.
***************************
Today the young lady staying with us graduates high school.
The plan was that the young lady have breakfast with her family and that they would drive her to the venue.
I was to drive my daughter to the auditorium so she could watch her friend graduate.
Those plans changed about 90 minutes prior to the graduation.
The young lady's father decided, in his infinite wisdom, that he and his mother were going to pick up my daughter.
They even drove to the house.
I did not know.
This guy scares me because he has a lack of boundaries.
He'll openly talk about how pushy his mother is.
The last thing I want for my daughter is to deal with them hounding her for three hours about the reason I let his daughter stay here when he gets abusive.
Remember.....this was the guy who called me a "man-hating lesbian" and came to my door when I asked him not to come over.
He has no boundaries.
He scares me. I'm probably more scared of what I would do if he pushed or hit me.
Some guys think women like me are wimpy. It's more that I'm terrified he'll wind up hurt.
***
It was at the point just prior to him arriving to my home today that my internal radar went off.
After talking to my daughter for a few minutes, he decided that he didn't want to take my daughter to the auditorium, so he drove off.
Within 40 minutes of his leaving, my daughter said her head hurt and she began to throw up. She's in bed resting.
She's going to miss the graduation.
No, he did not give her anything to eat.
I'm not sure exactly why she is sick.
I'm trying to get her to go to an Urgent Care clinic down the street.
Something is wrong here.
*******************************
There was a murder in the area over the weekend.
It was a divorced couple.
The ex-husband, wife and the four year old boy were found dead in the family home. The man stabbed his ex-wife and son. Then he shot himself.
This is what countless therapists thought was going to happen to me.
I was warned that some guys stalk and kill their ex-wives with the deluded belief that they can have their family back in the afterlife.
This has me a little freaked out, especially given my interaction with Michael earlier this week.
Michael wrote to me on Monday demanding the title to a van I gave him after the divorce. I gave him the van because he needed it to keep his job. When the van was in a crash, I signed the title over to him so he could collect the settlement money and move out of my home.
He took the cash.
He didn't move out.
It took me another seven months to evict him.
He wrote me on Monday wanting the title so he could scrap the van. I didn't think it was in this house. It took me several hours to find it.
I found it.
I taped it to my door and went about my day.
I found out later that he wanted me to meet him in a parking lot with it. I told him 'No.' I'd prefer to mail it.
He wouldn't take no for an answer. Email after email arrived basically claiming that I wasn't being considerate and that I had to meet him with it in hand. He didn't want to walk to the house because it took too much of his time.
I met him at the time and place he requested. He missed the bus so I had to go back.
He's unemployed. A neighbor promised him a job and I tried to give my ex the information and he refused it.
The whole time I was with him he was angry. He was incredibly angry. He was shaking and scowling and I was NOT comfortable in his presence.
Due to that interaction, I decided that I will never answer any emails that do not have to do with the kids.
After reading about the man who killed his ex-wife and son, I decided not to keep anything of his around that would give him cause to visit my home or meet me alone ever again.
*********************************
My internal radar is going off.
I'm getting hang up calls from a hotel down the street. I'm trying hard not to freak out.
It could be a wrong number.
It could be the young lady's relatives who are visiting from out of town.
It could be my ex. If he is homeless and can't pay the rent, it's possible that he's hanging out in a hotel.
I don't know. They aren't leaving messages.
I'm feeling a little off kilter.
That's the utility of PTSD and panic attacks.
There is something afoot, I just don't know what it is.
Maybe I should check the windows and doors.
be right back.....
*************************************
I didn't see anything wrong.
One of the locks is a little bit sticky. A little WD40 and all will be well.
Nothing seems wrong.
I don't know.
*** There is a lesson here.
The lesson is that I need to set better boundaries with controlling people.
You can always identify controlling people because they are the ones who don't take NO for an answer.
Both my ex and the young lady's father are controlling people.
My ex is angry that I've given his basement apartment to someone else. When I met him in that parking lot, he had a suitcase with him. It was small. There didn't seem to be much in it -but- it was suitcase.
Maybe he thought he could come back?
I don't know.
I'm very uncomfortable now.
He IS angry.
I'm frustrated.
I'm busy.
I'm thinking that my radar is telling me not to let people drag me into uncomfortable territory. Most of the trouble women find themselves in is due to manipulation -
we let people violate us by taking small steps...
they just want 30 seconds of our time.....
then they want to use our bathroom....
then they are in your home and have a multitude of ways to harm you....
The police - they won't do a darn thing until the damage is done. You can't even have people escorted off of your property if they claim a right to be there.
I NEED to get better enforcing my NO when these folks show up on my doorstep unannounced or call to demand that I do favors for them. I tell them no. The problem is that they argue and makes scenes.
I need to get comfortable slamming the door on them or ignoring my phone.
Maybe it's a bit of a stretch -but- something is making me uncomfortable.
I tend to get myself into trouble when I ignore that feeling.
I'll write back if something interesting happens.
I think the goal is to learn how to ignore pushy people who can't take no for an answer when it comes to my time and energy.
I ran around this afternoon trying to get the title of my old mini-van to my ex.
He needs to sell it to pay his rent. I put it in a manila envelope and taped it to my front door this morning. Then I texted him to let him know he could pick it up and then I went about my day.
I saw a hypnosis client.
I flirted with a hot job coach.
I talked politics with another political activist. We have similar goals and I want to get a small army together. There is power in numbers. The nice thing about armies is that there is always someone else willing to be the face of the army. I prefer the grunt work. Building websites is more fun than giving interviews.
I've met some great reporters though, so it's not too bad.
I worked on my resume.
When I came home, the envelope with the title was still here.
I lost my new phone somewhere in the shuffle. It's probably in my office. I haven't had time to get back down there to pick it up.
My intention was to go back to my office after feeding the girls dinner to grab my phone.
Michael wanted me to drive to meet him at the store at 8:00 p.m. so he wouldn't have to walk to the house from the bus stop. It's about a ten minute walk.
My intention was to be at my office at 8:00 p.m. so I could return calls. I typically return calls at 10:00 a.m. or 8:00 p.m.
That didn't happen.
My kitchen sink sprung a leak.
So, my daughter and I went to the hardware store.
I flirted with a cute older guy and got the supplies - only to come home to find an email from my ex demanding that I meet him at the store either at 8:00 p.m. or 10:00 a.m. tomorrow.
Neither of these times work for me.
He sent me an angry email telling me that he was trying to accommodate my needs and that it would only take me 30 seconds to get the document to him.
No, it would only take 30 seconds for me to address an envelope, stamp it and stick it in the mailbox.
He didn't want to do that. He claims he doesn't get his mail.
He's not accommodating me. I'm accommodating him. This has become an ordeal in and of itself. It takes hours to hunt down documents he "forgot." I usually find them in bizarre places (e.g. in a pile of documents on a forgotten bookshelf or behind filing cabinets).
The tone of his letter bothered me. He doesn't understand that even though I lost my job, I still work. Looking for a job is a job in and of itself. I don't have time to drop everything and cater to him.
I just wanted it to be over. Angrily, I emailed him and told him that I'd drive to his apartment and hand it to him myself just to end this ordeal.
As I went to leave, a firetruck pulled across the driveway.
One of the neighbors was sick. It was the little boy who is soon to be homeless due to the City of Aurora's stupid neighborhood restrictions on unrelated household members.
I've already taken in one homeless child. I can't take in another or I will be in violation of the city's rules. Yes, I am considering taking a stab at a council seat although I'd probably be more effective on a commission somewhere.
While staying out of the way of the paramedics, I emailed my ex-husband and told him I couldn't leave.
I waited for the paramedics and firefighters to leave. They were very efficient. They were in and out within 20 minutes or so.
My ex said he'd be at the bus stop at 6:00.
I made it there by 5:55.
I stood waiting in the wind for several minutes.
He didn't get off the bus.
I waited about twenty minutes before I thought that maybe he'd gotten off at a different stop and walked to the house.
I drove home so I wouldn't keep him waiting in the chilling wind on the porch.
He wasn't there.
He texted my daughter angrily because he just arrived at the bus stop.....
30 minutes late!
He was pissed off that I wasn't there waiting for him!
I forgot how frustrating it was for me to try to read this guy's mind to keep him happy.
Damned if I do......
Damned if I don't.
I'd rather not.
As I left to bring the document to my ex, my neighbor who runs a call center ran up to the car and offered me the opportunity to interview for a job. I mentioned that Michael was recently fired and doesn't have enough money to pay his rent. I told him that Michael's last job was in a call center so he told me to tell Michael, too.
The neighbor told me that he wanted me because I know a lot of people and will bring business to him. I used to train call center agents. I can't work with Michael. He can only hire one of us.
I drove to the grocery store. Michael was there. He was angry because I had the audacity to keep him waiting.
Thirty seconds my ass....this had become a three hour ordeal for me!!
I told him about the job. It pays $3 an hour more than the call center job my ex was just fired from.
He refused to hear about it.
He said he didn't want to do phone work. He doesn't have other jobs on the table. He needs money to pay the rent.
No, I cannot give him a place to stay.
I told him that I had no choice to work being the only one who supported the kids. I had to take any job I could get.
He told me that's okay. He's never going to pay his court ordered child support. I have to do what I need to do.
***************************************
I guess that is the difference. Some people understand the need for work. We understand that working is important if we want to maintain our credit and keep our family sheltered, clothed and fed.
Sometimes that means selling knives for commission at the grocery store. I've already turned down two insurance sales jobs (hourly plus commission) because I have a month long jury duty service in June. One of the employers told me to get in touch with him in July.
Sigh......
I guess I'll never understand my ex-husband.
He's lazy.
Now, eventually......I had to make a couple of trips to the hardware store and flirt with the cute guy. Michael took the tools, so I needed to buy a plumbing wrench.
The right tool made all the difference in the world. I got a new mat for the front door and some LED light bulbs so I don't have to change them so much.
I didn't buy tomato plants....not yet.....
we had snow last week.
I'm waiting a little bit.
I think I enjoy hardware stores a tad bit too much.
*******************************************
We finally made it home around 8:00 p.m..
My daughter went to work under the sink.
The sink works like a charm now. There are no leaks.
I think my daughter has a bright future ahead of her as a plumber!
Before she wakes up, I think I'm going to install a prettier soap dispenser and pump. The one that came with the house is really decrepit.
I'm loving YouTube. Is there anything it can't teach us?
We can do anything if we are just willing to roll up our sleeves and buy the right tools.
Love ya,
S.
NEXT DAY EDIT: After a night of trouble sleeping, I decided that I am going to have my ex's demanding emails forwarded to a folder in my in-box that I never look at. I'm only going to allow him to contact me via text message in regard to the kids.
I'm not his gopher. I'm not his secretary. I'm certainly not his job coach. If he doesn't want to give me a valid mail address, I can't mail anything to him.
I'm not his mother. If he expects to live here, that can't happen.
I certainly will never again give him a vehicle or pay for his auto insurance.
He is an adult. He can do stuff for himself, even if it is to go to the DMV and get a copy of a title he threw behind a filing cabinet in the basement.
The past two days have been crazy. Never again am I going to drive around in circles to do favors for this guy or tear my house apart looking for his misplaced documents.
Harley is a study in Stockholm Syndrome. No man is worth that crap. Today I am thankful that I realized that my stalkerish ex isn't done.
No, my ex isn't done yet.
Not only does he have people feeling sorry for him because I threw him out (3 1/2 years after our divorce decree ordered him out)....
he doesn't understand what a divorce is.
Every few weeks, I get an email asking me to hunt down documents for him....once it was mail, then he claimed he didn't receive his mail, then it was for tax records he failed to forward to his new address, then he wanted his college transcripts.....now he wants the title to the van I gave him.
He wants the documents then he wants me to deliver them to him.
He is always in crisis....
his new apartment has bedbugs,
his roommate is a recovering addict,
he was fired....again.
He implies that it is my fault because he cannot live here.
I tried to give him the house in the divorce. He didn't want it. When I tried to move out, he'd threaten to move and leave the kids alone. When I agreed to stay, he wouldn't leave.
This is a game to him.
After we divorced, I gave him my mini-van. I'm still making payments but he needed the car for work. I gave it to him in the hopes he would keep his job and eventually pay his child support.
Then he lost his job......again.....he got a new one.....lost it....and got another one....and was fired.
He left the title of the van here. He wants to sell the van for scrap and I must deliver the title to him immediately in a parking lot somewhere.
It took me years to save up for a lawyer.
We went to court.
The judge gave him 30 minutes on one day to pick up his stuff from my house by March 30th. He's supposed to have a peace officer with him when he visits my home.
He took more than four hours the first day and came back a couple of weeks later.
He never has a police officer with him.
He is still consistently begging for documents/things. I've had the VA thrift shop over here to take many of the things so the young lady living here has somewhere to park.
Anyway, every two weeks or so.....he'll want some document that I don't know I have.
He'll tell me that I can find them on the computer, desk or on the kitchen table.....
like I haven't cleaned in the six months since he was ordered out or donated the computers to charity.
Then he'll want me to meet him to drop them off.
Every time he does this, I'll ask him if there is anything else he wants so we can get it out of the way.
He'll say no.
Then he'll want something else.
*****************************
The worst part of it is that he'll promise to visit with the kids and wait until the last moment to make plans. Once his last minute plans overlapped with a hypnosis client so I couldn't drive the kids around.
He promised to visit with them in two weeks.
He never did.
It's maddening. I cannot afford to take time off of work to wait for him.
He's irresponsible.
I cannot afford to be irresponsible.
******************************
I really don't have time.
I'm looking for a job.....pronto.....because I'm not getting any of the court ordered child support or help from him.
I'm trying to grow my own business as well as take classes to learn new skills so I can provide for the kids without his help.
And he's trying to monopolize my time.
It's maddening.
I know what it's about.....
He's hoovering.
He's wanting my time and my attention.
It's getting exhausting.
I'm pretty sure that he's going to be homeless soon and I think the game is to try to get back into the house so he can live rent free again.
I took in a young lady whose nasty father threw her out.
I have no room for a stalkerish ex in my home.
I am a kind person.
I just need to focus on what I want right now.
Playing gopher for my ex just doesn't fit the bill any more.
Today I am thankful for misogynistic rants; they help you see people for who they really are.
I'm having trouble breathing due to my asthma and I know....I know.....I need to get to a doctor.
This is going to be choppy.
********************************
I took in an 18 year old whose father likes to beat her up in the middle of the night.
She stays here when he loses his cool. I've warned her that, as a therapist, I'm a mandated reporter.
She has a younger sister. If I hear anything about him hitting her sister, I will be forced to call the department of human services.
I know where they live.
I don't know the man's first name or the name of the minor child.
His last name is the name of my favorite brand of brass instruments. It's also sounds exactly like the name of my favorite Trek Villain.
This guy.....this guy.....had the absolute audacity to call me up and claim that I'm a man-hating lesbian!
Isn't that cute?
Maybe he thinks that because I drive a Pride Parade float.....
Or maybe it's because I won't do what he tells me to do.
It was just a message. I didn't get to respond to him.
I guess women who don't do what men order them to do hate men.
This guy is a piece of work.
I'm beginning to fear for his wife.
I fear for his younger daughter. He takes the kids to therapy but he....
get this...
sits in the room with them!
I'm curious as to whether or not the therapists are licensed. If so, they are NOT behaving ethically.
***********************************
He's wrong about me.
I'm not a man-hating lesbian.
I'm much, much worse....
You see.....
hate and love are opposite sides of the same coin.
To hate someone means that they elicit an emotional response. He's not worthy of that type of emotional energy.
If I had an emotional response - it would mean I cared.
I don't.
I'm indifferent with regards to men I don't respect or want.
An indifferent woman is much, much harder to control than a woman who has to please men.....
-and-
she is harder to control than a woman that hates men.
He doesn't have anything I want.......unless it is to stop abusing his kids in the middle of the night.
He won't.
Seriously.....there is no value proposition there.
The only person I want to change her actions is the young lady staying here. I'd like her to speak to a police officer about the abuse. She needs empowered.
I'd like her to see an ethical and unbiased licensed therapist.
********************************
Asshats are going to be asshats. There is nothing I can do to stop that.
I don't care what he wants.
He may want to control my behavior.
I'm a hypnotist.
I tend to do the controlling in my communications.
Man-hating lesbian -
Wow....I've heard it all.
In 1987, I got kicked out of a band because I wouldn't sleep with a percussionist.
She was a beautiful busty blond
-but-
she wasn't my type.
I know.....there is some inexplicable attraction between bass players and drummers.
It's weird. It really is.
Love ya lots,
S.
Edit an hour later:
He just called my daughter trying to set up a meeting with me.
I'm sitting here singing "Hell is for children."
I'm doing a horrible job of it, too.
No. It wouldn't be wise to meet with me when I'm bloated, angry and accused of misandry.
- With apologies to Gene Roddenberry
The best thing I can do for this guy is to let the situation grow cold.
Here's a tip:
Calling someone names is a good way to keep them from ever wanting to talk to you!
Lesbian?
Wow.....
just wow....
People are weird.
They really are.
I don't want people like that in my home or my life. NEXT DAY EDIT:
He came over to the house unannounced and we had what felt like a dick measuring contest.
He endured my not wearing make-up and exposed gray roots.
He endured my sinus infection breath.
He's afraid that I'm trying to turn his daughter against men in general.....
and him in particular.
Ugh!
He explained that he threw his daughter out of his house because she had dirty forks in her bedroom.
Dirty forks.......
I don't think I'm the person he has to worry about turning her against him.
I only asked him one question.
How old is your daughter?
She's 18.
There is nothing I can say to turn her against anyone.
All I can do is give her space.
That's it.
Maybe give her names of police officers and therapists.
He apologized for calling me a man-hating lesbian.....he said this because he felt I was trying to take his daughter away.
All I said was "feelings aren't facts."
I gave him my business card and let him know that I'm a mandated reporter.
There is only one way to build rapport with someone who hates you......
find common ground.
I asked.....
"What do you think of Donald Trump?"
He hates him.
Everyone dislikes something about Donald Trump.
He left feeling understood.
I think I understand him (cough...anger.....rage.....narcissism?...cough.....can't diagnose....mustn't diagnose.....emotional dysregulation disorder...dangerous temper.........not a guy I want in my home.....cough).
I feel like I got out of a pissing contest with a dangerous idiot.
Oh, get this....I'm a man hater because I "threw my husband out of the house." Um.....ten years after he left me, called me by a different last name and said he wanted a divorce. He was told to leave numerous times in the three and a half years AFTER OUR DIVORCE WAS FINAL!
I didn't tell this guy that; he was just grasping at straws to make me look like the bad guy.
It's none of his business just like his forks are none of mine.
Manipulative people disgust me.
Decent people don't let their kids' teenage friends become homeless two weeks before graduation.
Sigh......
NEXT TIME THIS GUY SHOWS UP WHEN I TELL HIM NOT TO COME OVER -
I'M CALLING THE POLICE.
***************
I learned something today.
I'm not a man-hating lesbian.
According to millennials, people who don't want romantic relationships are a-romantic.
So, I was informed that I'm an equal opportunity a-romantic hater.
Today I'm going to spend time with ghosts who share my mental illness. For many years, it was known as "shell shock". Some veterans came home and re-lived the war at the dinner table.
My dad re-lived World War II and Korea. As early as I can remember, he'd get drunk and I'd wind up knocking him over to take the gun he had pointed at one of us.
That's probably how I'm going to die. I'll probably knock over an aggressive idiot with a gun and get shot This is why the gun-toting neighbor makes me nervous, especially when he passive aggressively starts baiting the biker neighbors in front of my house. It's going to get ugly. I'm having a tough time convincing them to live and let live.
I'm fairly sure the gun grabbing from my youth is where the PTSD comes from. That and having to save my mother all the time. My very first panic attack occurred the day I failed.
I've had so much professional therapy, I became a counselor. I've had so much audible EMDR that I play it on my bass when I'm stressed out.
Other things women have to endure brings it right back....rape....stalking....getting hit so hard you wind up with a subdural hematoma.....
those things retrigger the PTSD.
I truly respect the dearly departed at this place. They lived like this for years without help.
****************************
Today I've got flowers, bottled water and Pepsi cans to leave as gifts of thankfulness.
Yeah, I visit the graves of friends and acquaintances of mine.
It's a Pagan thing.
At least I'll have something to look forward to when the time comes for me to go into the light, I'll be anxious to put faces to the names.
If anything interesting happens today, I'll update.
I learned that the City of Aurora did not do anything wrong THIS TIME when it came to the service dog getting out.
I read that the disabled gentleman was outside and the pup blew through the fence and got out.
IF they kill the dog....then..... I'll blame them for doing something wrong.
It is illegal to hold a service dog even if it is a pit bull.
This dog did not bite anyone.
This dog did not attack anyone.
There is no reason for it to be put to death.
Yes, it was wrong to force someone to register a service dog.
I know they are doing their jobs -but- the problem lies with the disinformation that people formerly on the City Council disseminated.
I found the source. It's a woman who was bit by a pit bull. She's very good with web design and marketing......
It's a shame that she's bad at statistics.
I'm very sad that one person could ruin the reputations of so many cities and be responsible for the death of so many dogs.
On the other side of the coin, one person can reverse the situation.
Could it be you?
********************************
Someone told met that each pit bull case costs municipalities about $68,000 to prosecute.
In researching it, the City of Aurora paid more than $130,000 to defend the pit bull ban the last time they tried to kill a service dog.
$130,000 for one case!
I don't know if it's true -but- my ears perked up.
Why are we wasting money?
What else can we spend that money on?
They're angry that we fought a library tax. I got death threats over that.
How about putting that money towards the libraries?
The last time I visited the shelter, it was full with court case dogs. Only eight dogs where up for adoption.
When I sat in court, most of the dogs were pit bulls.
How much money are we spending on it?
They have my apologies. When I find a job, I'll donate 10% of the funds from my first week either to this shelter or MaxFund.
Don't kill the dog. Let the gentleman take her out of the city.
If they do that, I won't have to run at large.
They'll like me better that way.
************************************
My distrust stems from the obnoxious behavior of former city employees and the city attorney who harassed me on their behalf. I know lawyers try to intimidate people so they win. I understand that they lie, too. My experience with is that they throw a bunch of poop at the wall and wait around to see what sticks.
Most of the poop were lies. They were insane, stupid lies (e.g. claiming that I fake heart attacks, get routinely thrown into walls and so on). Nuts, eh?
The problem with knowing that someone is lying about you is that it makes it tough to trust the organization. If city lawyers are lying about who I sleep with, how can I trust them when they say a bond issue will go to the purpose stated (but not written explicitly into the bond measure)?
I can't.
Lying employees reflect poorly on the city.
Dishonesty kills rapport.
It makes it tough to give the city the benefit of the doubt.
I hope they clean up their act.
Love ya,
S.
Edit: I'm probably going to have to run for City Council. I'm a little ticked at the city right now.
1.) They won't tell me if they killed the dog - so I have to assume they did.
2.) The new homeless coordinator refuses to return my call. I offered to volunteer (for free....). Okay, I'm not going to help her fight off the coming storm from Ward II. I can see the writing on the wall. People are going to fight the proposed shelter.
3.) I never heard back from the City Manager's office or my City Councilman about the housing code. I found the answer I needed. The code must change. It discriminates against non-traditional families and homes that help disabled folks. Most cities have laws on the books that allow unrelated people to live together if they function as a traditional household. Aurora doesn't. Weird, eh?
Three strikes.....YOU'RE OUT!
Actually, it's more like 30 strikes. These are the three most recent ones.
I have two frenemies who threw their hats in the ring for the same seat. I'll probe them for their knowledge about these issues before I barge ahead. I'd prefer they run. I can teach them how to gain rapport with people quickly and make their words memorable.
I won't waste my time if they want to make people homeless, keep charging homeless people $500 a month to share a bedroom with drug addicts, not offer real solutions to the homeless, kill dogs for inarticulate and unreasonable reasons, violate the ADA and continue to avoid the concept of transparency.
That's what the people running this city currently do. We need new blood.
The difference between these two frenemies and I is striking though - they'll RAISE TAXES.
I won't. I'm more apt to want to cut expenses because I'm cheap.
Besides - my favorite word is NO!
The city can save a crap ton of money by getting rid of stupid BSL.
The person who finds a real answer to the homeless dilemma could find FAME. Egotistical suckers go for things like that.....
Today I am thankful that I don't own a female dog in this crazy city. That said, I've been called a female dog.
I predict that there are four people who will need to find new jobs in the near future.
It would seem as though they violated the fourth amendment and stole a dog with the intention to kill it.
They know who they are.
If you believe the gossip, all a witch needs is a name, birthday and/or a picture.
All a politician needs is a hypnotic speech.
What am I?
What is the real threat?
Hang on to your boots ....
you're going down.
It just may not be in the way you expect.
I'm a politician again!
These animal control supervisors allegedly lied and said a psychiatric service dog was at-large and threatened to kill her. They seemingly broke into a citizens home to get the dog. It's hard to know who did it. The door was damaged as was the door jam. A dog was let out.
Why would they need to violate the fourth amendment if the dog was at large?
Yeah...the family suspects the animal control officers. After what I've seen on online, it's hard to believe they wouldn't stoop this low.
City employees did a little fourth amendment baloney with me back in the day....so I'm not quick to dismiss the citizen's theory.
This family needs a hidden security camera to catch the wrongdoers.
Little do they know that this antic is what pushes activists into politics.
I'd like to ask them...... Wanna see another bitch at-large?
Bad humor - but something I thought a couple of animal control officers on the cusp of a job hunt would enjoy.
I can only be G-rated funny now. My songs have to be mild.
sigh.
Update: I wanted to run to my media contacts. I didn't. The story the Animal Control Officers are telling is that this service dog was picked up in someone else's yard.
If so, who broke into the home? There is damage to the door and frame. There was boot print. The cops said no one broke in. I question why they didn't truly investigate. Perhaps they are covering for the city employees behaving badly?
Maybe a neighbor is breaking in because they don't want the dog in the neighborhood?
This is the second break-in within one month. It needs investigated. This looks bad.
I've seen it before. I've had police officers come to my home based on crap a City Auditor and Ass't City Attorney said. Those poor cops......enduring my hospitality.....twice......uninvited! One of them got to meet my pink baseball bat. I probably should have warned him about the PTSD.
On the bright side, I never made them coffee. Back then, I didn't know how to clean out the coffee maker......ewww!
Hey, life is a learning process.
I know illegal activity happens on the part of some city employees. I know the departments support each other - the cops supporting the auditor had to know what they were doing. I know this type of conspiracy hurts the 99% of employees who follow the rules and behave ethically.
By the way, neither the auditor or the cop is currently employed with the city. The assistant city attorney is still there, but in all reality, she's so rude - she probably couldn't find a job anywhere else. On August 6, 2008 she asked me one question that led me to be an activist. She asked "what are you going to do about it?"
I hope she liked my answer.
Remember......don't mess with the fourth amendment.
I don't know what happened this time. All I know is that the behavior is shifty. It doesn't make sense. We need to eradicate the breed specific legislation in this city because it's giving a whole slew of people reasons to act like idiots. The laws are rooted in fiction. They're ruining the city's reputation. They don't need the bad press.
Worse, I see city employees making mistakes. There is a lot of misinformation about the ADA circulating. I don't like what I'm hearing. Today I was informed that I had to have my service dog certified before I brought him or her into the city.
Um....no. That's not true.
This crazy bureaucratic game may find its way into a book I'm writing. I just have to find anagrams of the officers' names.
Don't worry. It's fiction inspired by real life.
My sister writes the biographies.
I write hypnotic fiction and articles for psych journals
and song lyrics.
I love writing song lyrics.
Love ya,
S.
Fiction tends to bring out the best hypnotic phenomena. I bet that city employee regrets calling me a witch all those years ago.....
I'm going to play that one up until it gets incredibly old.
It's funny.
There is nothing metaphysical about it. The truth is, people who don't do their jobs well wind up unemployed.
I'm busy - cleaning up my home, looking for work and trying to figure out my next steps.
It's also a very important ritual day for me, so I can't spend a lot of time online.
I should say that the city released the service dog today. I need to manifest a job so I can contribute to the lawyer's GoFundme page.
I had no idea my local government was behaving like this towards animals. I know they treat their employees and local activists like dogs.
I didn't know they treated citizens and their pets like that.
Because the people at the City Manager's office were good (somewhat) and eventually forced the shelter manager to do the right thing...
perhaps I'll lay off the PTSD service dog idea for now. I hear pit bulls are good PTSD service dogs.
Although, I wish I had thought of that before I developed the dog allergy. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 18. I was treated and it went well for awhile. I even worked with homeless vets (one of whom choked me) and domestic violence victims (and had a guy charge me across a table)...and didn't flinch.
The stalking started when I was 22. It got very bad when I hit 30. It became worse at the age of 41.
My PTSD re-surfaced.
I still think a service dog may help.
I'm too jumpy.
It's nothing mindfulness meditation and grounding exercises can't help.
PTSD is strange. There will be times I will literally start shaking with energy. Sometimes I won't even know the trigger. There are times I'll have to search the house to find out why I'm shaking. Usually, I'll find damage to the door or windows. It's almost like my subconscious mind is ultra clued into danger. My conscious mind is used to ignoring it.
Sounds are bad. You should see me at a fireworks shows.
It's almost comical.
Drums don't bug me. You think they would but they don't.
I like drums.
It's strange....
One piece of advice is to never sneak up on me. I have literally knocked people to the floor who have snuck up behind me.
Last year, someone threatened to jump me in the parking lot at work. I had to write her up for breaking a rule. After digging into it further, I found out that her immediate supervisor told her to break the rules!
I literally told this woman in front of HR "I've got PTSD - you may want to rethink your revenge."
When we drilled down what really happened, her immediate supervisor was fired. She kept her job.
Those words were said out of hurt.
She's friendlier now.
None of this really mattered. We were all laid off eight months later.
I'm trying to support her in her job search.
You'd never guess where she wants to work.
I'm not going to say a peep.
It's one place I will never work.
If she has the passion for the work, all the more power to her.
Me? I follow my whim and whimsy. I only wish it weren't so darn obnoxious.
I should have never switched from my music major in college. I never should have studied social work and psychology. That's my problem.
Deep down, I'm a social scientist. All these social ills have me wanting to implement change. If I were only a musician, I wouldn't bitch so much - I'd just write a bunch of minor keyed tunes.
Sigh.... Let's all sing "Mean people make the world a living hell" dolente in D minor.
I'll probably only find peace if I lived in a cave in the middle of nowhere. I need to find a hot guy in my age range who wants to live off of the grid.
My ex-husband isn't paying support or seeing the kids.
He's not working, so he can't.
He was working. He didn't pay then either.
He was recently fired again.
I get it.
Life can be tough.
A few weeks ago, a judge gave him two hours to collect his stuff from the garage. He emailed me the day before telling me that he wanted the television, so I gave it to him.
He told our youngest daughter I'd buy another television by Easter.
With what money?
I have to work two jobs and I still don't come close to what he made.
Right now, I'm down to one. It's a self-employment contract position. I have expenses to pay before I break even.
******************************
It gets worse.,,,
He wanted to take the kids to the movies last weekend but did not arrange it with me.
He emailed one of the kids.
I sent him an email asking him to let me know what was going on so I could plan my weekend accordingly. He's asking me to transport them, so I need to know when to meet with clients and make what money I can.
He decided not to visit with them.
He had some grievances.
First, he's upset that the kids don't answer their texts right away. The kids say they can't read his texts and always get error messages.
We have old phones. I buy cheap service and sometimes it takes awhile for the texts to come through. If I had more money, I'd upgrade.
It could be that I didn't set the phones up correctly to receive his texts. He's more than welcome to fix it.
He didn't want to do that.
He contacted the youngest on Facebook and told her that he had no money so he had to borrow money from his roommate to go to the movies.
I feel as though I'm expected to give him money to take the kids to the movies.
If I do that, where will it end?
**********************
Since he's left, we've been to court twice. He only showed up once.
He was complaining that he had to leave my house and live in a hovel with bedbugs.
Then he lost his job.
I fear he's going to ask to live here.
I can't even let him into the house for fear he will never leave.
That happened once. I can't let it happen again.
It's very hard and expensive to evict him.
In my conscious mind, I know that my responsibilities towards my ex-husband ended the day we signed the divorce agreement.
It should have ended the day he left me (the first time) but, in reality, it ended the day we signed the separation agreement and the court approved it.
That was nearly four years ago now.
This is a little frustrating.
I'm realizing that if I don't give him money, he will continue to complain to the kids. I don't want them to feel sorry for him.
I'm a little torn.
It's very depressing.
For what it's worth, I'll ponder the lesson and, perhaps, write more.
I guess I could buy him movie passes when I finally find another job.
Still, I don't know.....
There is a fine line between charity and enabling.
Today I am thankful that I held my tongue and didn't share too much truth.
I should start off by saying that my gun toting neighbor is being incredibly quiet. His dogs go outside but he doesn't.
That means, I don't hear screaming, yelling or any bizarre nonsense anymore.
I just hear the doggies bark at each other.
I should be happy.
The problem, though, is that the Code Enforcement officers are circling the block like hungry sharks.
I don't know if the gun toting neighbor is calling on everyone else
-or-
if everyone else is calling on the gun toting neighbor.
Sigh......
Life is happier a few doors down.
***************************************
There was an adorable Chihuahua running around the street and gleefully rummaging through the trash that had been set out on the curb.
He was the sweetest little doggie.
I saw him when I was driving down the street.
I stopped in the middle of the street and got out of the car. The little pup came up to me and started to bark, like he was telling me about the treasure he found in the huge plastic bags.
My other neighbors noticed that I was stopped in the middle of the street and came outside to offer assistance.
The little pup started growling.
It was almost like he didn't want so many people invited to his party.
He was adorable.
I offered to take the pup with me on my errand and come back to find his owner.
The last thing I wanted was the little dog to get hit by a car.
My neighbors told me to get to my meeting. They promised that they'd take care of it.
I made them promise not to call the pound.
Chihuahuas could be mistaken for wolves or pit bulls or loch mess monsters or whatever the heck the Aurora Animal Control Officers are dreaming up to fine people for today while euthanizing their pets.
Don't laugh. I don't trust the pound with the current people at the helm. I mean they don't know the difference between a German Shepherd and a wolf. How can I trust they know the difference between a Chihuahua and a Chupacabra?
A lovely lady I'd never met scooped up the pup and went door to door with him. Another neighbor bagged up the trash.
It's awesome.
Not everyone on my block is a self-absorbed ninny.
Life is better three doors down.
That was a refreshing experience given my normal interaction with the neighbors.
******************************************
Interactions are what we make of them.
The energy that we bring into our interactions often determines what people get out of them.
Over the weekend, a local activist posted pictures of a Pinata depicting Donald Trump getting beat up at a public school.
The school district promptly put the teacher on leave.
This woman started getting death threats. I've only met her a handful of times and I can tell you that she is an activist who works to help children railroaded by the public school system.
The students were threatening her. They were in their late teens.
Teachers and parents would admonish her for "arguing with children." These weren't children, they were young adults in much need of respect.
After several hours had passed, you could see the students asking questions about the Constitution and wondering why free speech didn't exist in public schools.
They wanted to save the teacher's job. The activist agreed that the teacher shouldn't be fired. There needs to be a conversation about appropriate political discourse on public school grounds.
I read through the thread and thought that this woman may have inspired a few future politicians.
I was excited for her.
But.....many of them went on to threaten her again.
The school was shut down. The harassment this woman experienced became worse. The kids became agitated.
She and the some of the kids are still talking. After another day of this, they are telling her about bullying at the school and the lack of response from the administration.
She offered to help.
Some of the young men and women are angry that the school took action after seeing her post but they ignore the bullying that the parents are bringing to the attention of the district.
This woman and the kids are now talking about ways to end bullying and to educate the district as to what is going on at the school.
I wonder....if she had put different energy into it - what would have happened?
Her energy was one of a mentor, advocate and teacher. Most of the kids responded by sharing their stories with her and asking for her help.
If she were obnoxious and angry, I know things would have been much worse.
The story isn't quite over. This woman and her family are still receiving threats.
It's hard to say how this will end.
The lesson is that the energy we carry can truly influence a situation for better or worse.
It's something to ponder.
Love ya,
S.
Edit 9:32 p.m. - Darn it, I spoke too soon. The gun toting neighbor is outside my house screaming...
BOO-YAH....
I wonder what he's so happy about?
I hope he just got promoted to a good paying job in Singapore.
He's a statist. He likes calling the police on everybody. He'd probably like Singapore.
Today I am thankful that I changed up my Friday ritual a bit.
I grew up in several Mormon households. In that religion, there is something to do every day.
Sunday, we went to church.
Monday - we stayed with our family.
Tuesday - the men would go to church.
Wednesday - the kids would go to church (or boy/girl scout meetings).
Thursday - the women would go to church
Friday - I don't remember Friday - all I remember is that Grandma always made fish. She wasn't Catholic.
Saturday - there was usually a community event.
Paganism is similar in that there are different rituals for different days.
This is my tradition.
Monday - light a silver candle for a moon Goddess
Tuesday - light a red candle for a God of war
Wednesday - light a blue candle for a God of communication
Thursday - light a green candle for a God or Goddess of abundance
Friday - light a pink candle for a God or Goddess of Love
Saturday - light a purple candle for a Deity of protection
Sunday - Light a gold candle to a God of the Sun
Yes, my house smells like a candle store. If you study Jung, you will understand that the Gods represent human archetypes and the mythos that makes up our collective unconscious.
I guess I worship my occupation on some sick level.
Friday is the hardest day because....well....I tend to set roses out for Aphrodite, Strawberries out for Eros and grapes out for Dionysus. An alternative is to give money to charities that promote something these Deities would approve of (e.g. helping people heal or build their confidence (Aphrodite/Eros) or supporting the arts (Dionysus).
The Friday meditations are always intense. I usually fall asleep and awaken after having disturbing dreams.
Yesterday, I still set out the roses.
I'm used to the smell. I think it helps me meditate.
But, this time, I lit a white candle to Isis and Osiris and made an offering of very expensive bread (that will be broken down and fed to the birds when I go up into the mountains).
I got dizzy and fell asleep.
The reason for this change is that I've been doing cord cutting exercises to try to keep from getting drawn into other people's drama and energy.
There is a golden cord that won't cut. It's in my fourth chakra. I have no clue what it is or where it comes from.
I think it's new. I've never really dreamt that one before.
I wanted to know why I'm experiencing this.
Is it supposed to represent universal love?
What in the world is this?
While sleeping, I did have strange dreams.
I saw places in my mind that I am familiar with. I saw my home town.
I saw children I've never met.
I awoke this morning and my body felt like it was on fire, not a bad feeling or anything.....
just a weird feeling.....
like I'd burn up if I didn't get out of bed and take action now.
I think I'm supposed to go to the places in my mind to figure out what it is that energy represents.
Two very strange things happened.
First, my hypnosis client cancelled, freeing up my entire day.
Secondly, the little ten hour tea light is still burning fourteen hours later. In fact, the little wick was all that was left of the candle four hours ago.
It's still burning.
I don't know what to do with it.
This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands.
I feel.
I don't want to feel.
Tomorrow, I may just light a candle and beg for a job so I can use up some of my free time.
What do you want a bet that I'll wind up working with children?
May you find all the answers to the mysteries of your life easily and effortlessly.
Love ya,
S.
Edit later the same day:
I followed my intuition.
I drove home.
I found myself in the midst of a four hour chat with a childhood friend.
He was having a bad time.
He is a first responder who couldn't prevent the death of a young man from suicide and he needed to talk.
The death was quite some time ago but the young man's face still haunts him.
My old friend is in town for a funeral.
He needed reminded that his life is worthwhile.
If there is ever a time to feel love for someone - it is in a time of crisis.
He wants to run for City Council (in another state).
He'd be damn good, too.
He used to protect me from bullies back in high school.
He'd walk me away from the drama.
When I was being abused at home, he carved a little wooden angel for me. I still have it. I bring her out at Christmas.
I cry when I see her. I remember that she was meant to watch over me.
He was the neighbor boy.
He grew up to be a war hero.
That sounds like the background of a first responder, doesn't it? Always protecting people and serving others.
He's a good man. He has a good family.
He married a redhead with flaming hair.
He loves his wife deeply.
He is a hero firefighter in his local community.
He is now an empty nester who is feeling that loss.
Today he is feeling guilty for a suicide he could not prevent.
I'm thinking that is why I couldn't cut the golden cord of universal love energy over the past couple of days.
He needed it.
Maybe some things are meant to be felt.
I'll ponder this and visualize sending some of beautiful energy to my old friend.
I think we pray to the same God, we just call him by different names. I can change it up without offending my God in any way. When praying for others, I will use their language.
That's strange.....silent tears are still flowing down my face...I can't stop them. I don't feel them until they've hit my cheek.
I look to the right of my computer screen and saw that he just sent me an IM.
Maybe we are all connected in some beautiful cosmic way.
I pray he finds whatever he needs to remind himself of his value.
Please focus on the positive things you do and your wins, it will help you keep your losses in perspective.
Today I am thankful for the Aurora Colorado Shelter Employee telling her friends about a legal case and letting them bash their legal foe in social media with information only an insider could have!
Whoa!!!
This is insane.
Perhaps I need to jump back into politics.
If something upsets me this much, I may as well put a stop to it.
Let me explain how this went down.
I'm friends with numerous animal advocates from across Colorado.
I'm beginning to see the results of this individual's information come across my Facebook feed. I've seen it for several days now.
Apparently, this person friended the dog owner who is suing the city, got a lot of personal information and then ran to Facebook with screenshots to smear the victim.
How in the world is this going to help the city's case?
Does the City Attorney approve?
Probably not.....he seems like he has scruples.
Some of the information this employee and her friend shared is wrong. She claims it's illegal to "fake a service dog."
Yes and no.
I mean, Colorado has a new law on the books stating that private business owners don't have to accept your non-service dog onto their premises. For this reason, they can only inquire as to whether or not the service animal performs a task for you that assists you with a disability.
That's what faking a service dog means. That law is intended to keep healthy pooch owners from bringing their dogs into the food lines at restaurant buffets.
It's not intended to discriminate against dog breeds. That law most certainly does not apply to one's own home.
"Faking a service dog"....seriously.....you've got to be kidding me.
Service dog....well, that phrase is a little weird.
My neighbors' dogs provide a service to me. They make me sneeze. I'm deathly allergic to them. I get so swollen that my wrinkles pop out. That's the best time to smear glycolic acid on them.
Dogs are awesome. Is there anything they can't do?
Wrinkle removal, that's a service. The question is whether or not that service helps me with a disability.
Vanity is not a disability so far as I can tell so I cannot claim any pup to be my service dog. The prohibition against bringing fake service dogs into public spaces helps me breathe easier because it minimizes my exposure to those wonderful allergens.
Getting back to the point, this woman claims the defendant is faking a service dog because it wasn't registered with the city.
Um.....the ADA forbids cities from requiring that service dogs be registered.
I addressed one of the posts.
I shared it to my wall with a message.
That message is
1.) Municipalities cannot force the registration of any service animal. They can only require that the owner follow all licensing and vaccination requirements.
This is, in part, due to HIPPA. As a therapist, I cannot let on that anyone has contacted me, let alone tell anyone why. HIPPA protects individual's private health information. A municipality has absolutely no business inquiring about the reason someone has a service animal.
It would be akin to me running up to a client in a grocery store and saying
"Way to win over your cougarish sex addiction, Mrs. Robinson! Tell me, how is Ben? "
This may be the means by which pit bull advocates overturn the breed specific legislation. It cannot exist without violating the ADA.
2.) It's shameful that employees are running around spreading confidential information about an open case. They are harassing the other party. Aurora can fine employees who behave this way.
I don't like the fines. I'm trying to warn this person.
In this case, the information can cost taxpayers a bundle in the event of a lawsuit. This person needs reigned in. My concern is that if she is taking this to the point of bullying someone online and sharing private information, it is evidence that she's done something wrong.
There needs to be an investigation.
In my experience, this type of bullying only occurs when someone is insecure.
Why would she be insecure?
What did she do wrong?
I guess I could print everything out and put a buzz in someone's ear. Maybe if the staff is confronted, the perpetrator would blush and be found out.
The writing style is feminine. I think it's a woman. My understanding is that it was a female officer that wrongfully took the animal.
My bet is that it's her. It could also be the woman that runs the shelter, too. I'd need to hear both of them talk for awhile to determine whose speaking style best matches what I'm reading.
Geesh!
I never understood how government employees could get away with being so childish. In fact, while cleaning out my basement, I found a 18" stack of papers with court documents filled with lies about me from city employees....
city employees who had never met me....
but would learn about me just a few months later because I threw my hat in the ring.
I can only imagine how much that would hurt if I had a disability that was shunned and had my private life spilled all over Facebook.
I was diagnosed with a disability. I am in denial of it so the Aurora City Attorney's mockery of my fibromyalgia didn't phase me. I had a lot of chest pains. I fainted a lot back then. I only learned recently why. I have another issue that doesn't quite raise to the level of a disability.
It's easy to control.
I was only harassed on the phone, in newspaper forums and in legal documents. Code enforcement had a bit of fun, too.
I couldn't imagine what I'd have done if city employees took away an animal I depended upon for survival and had their friends libel me on social media.
I'm disgusted by what I'm seeing.
I know the tactic. They're trying to wear their opponent down with harassment and slander.
It has to stop.
How much are taxpayers paying these employees to behave like this?
It MUST stop.
I pray the posts aren't being made from the municipal building or the animal shelter.
3.) If none of my friends run for a council seat, I WILL. I have four Facebook friends who ran in the past. If they run, I won't.
At this point, we are letting people who screw up bully their victims to try to silence them.
I hate that game.
It's a humiliating game.
It's an expensive game.
It reminds me of all those phone calls and court documents I used to get from certain city employees telling me that I faked heart attacks, that it was time for me to get a damn job because I had a master's degree, that this vegetarian ate too many cheeseburgers
and so on and so forth....
Lies and games are expensive to the tax payer.
Lucky for them, I'm a hypnotist.
I found the game fun.
It was funny having an eight hour covert hypnosis session with expensive lawyers.
They told me a lot about the wrongdoing at the city.
Other people won't be so amused.
I pray they knock it off.
I only need 100 signatures to take a stab at an at-large seat.
It's only 50 for a council seat.
That's it. I could have that in a matter of hours.
I have until August to decide. I have far too many hats, I won't mind losing one.
Maybe Aurora needs someone on the council unafraid to ruffle feathers.
I wish they'd do it now. I wish they'd speak up.
They know right from wrong.
I'm shocked they won't fight for what is right.
A government making laws should know enough to honor the laws of the land.
It sets a good example.
Sigh....
I don't think it's too early to announce my intentions.
I was hoping it wouldn't come to this.
Nothing has changed in ten years, has it?
I guess I need to finish what I started years ago.
I'm sad. If I hadn't seen those posts today and if that dog had come home, I wouldn't have made this decision.
It's okay. We need to update our housing code to sync with Federal law anyway.
This will help me work on that, too.
I was just hoping they'd prove me wrong.
How disappointing.....
Love ya,
S.
Another Edit:
I had a guy who dated me threaten to ruin my reputation if I ever ran for office again. I wonder if this little dude, with the horrid criminal background will make good on his threat. He's the guy that thought it would be funny to threaten to stalk me and lie to get a restraining order. It upset him that I refused to talk to him after all that.
Sigh.....yes, it's been three years -but- there is always someone connected to him bugging me.
The next few months are going to get interesting.
I've got to do what I've got to do.
The only other way I'm going to stop the nonsense is to find another candidate who has the courage to speak to these issues.
I'm making the phone calls now.
Yeah, no one wants to mess with me.
I have a very scary disability. I don't do well when physically attacked or with weapons pointed at me (which is why the gun toting neighbor freaks me out). Some people with PTSD don't know their strength until someone grabs them and winds up on the ground.
After doing some checking, I actually qualify for a service dog. I'm debating.......the allergy can be worked through with more exposure to dogs.
I'm tempted to go through the process to license a restricted breed just to see if the City of Aurora will ask for proof of a disability. If they do, I'd sue just to put a stop to it.
I'll only do that if I can find a lawyer wanting to get his/her name in the papers.
05/09/2017 - The City of Aurora did NOT let the dog go home. Based on what I see, it appears that they are illegally demanding proof of the disability. It's a violation of the ADA to ask about the disability, let alone want proof. All they can ask is whether or not the dog provides at least one service to help an individual with a disability.
I am thankful for the professor up at Washington State who made me study the ADA and the Child Nutrition Act (CNA) in college. I never thought I'd use the information. He warned us that working in mental health will put us in touch with people who are impoverished due to disabilities.
He was right. I use it ALL the time.
I also use Medicare/Medicaid law quite a bit, too.
Few politicians and government officials understand the law.
That's a shame.
If you make the law or make your living by the law,
