Today I am thankful for the Scorpio full moon.
I'm busy - cleaning up my home, looking for work and trying to figure out my next steps.
It's also a very important ritual day for me, so I can't spend a lot of time online.
I should say that the city released the service dog today. I need to manifest a job so I can contribute to the lawyer's GoFundme page.
I had no idea my local government was behaving like this towards animals. I know they treat their employees and local activists like dogs.
I didn't know they treated citizens and their pets like that.
Because the people at the City Manager's office were good (somewhat) and eventually forced the shelter manager to do the right thing...
perhaps I'll lay off the PTSD service dog idea for now. I hear pit bulls are good PTSD service dogs.
Although, I wish I had thought of that before I developed the dog allergy. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 18. I was treated and it went well for awhile. I even worked with homeless vets (one of whom choked me) and domestic violence victims (and had a guy charge me across a table)...and didn't flinch.
The stalking started when I was 22. It got very bad when I hit 30. It became worse at the age of 41.
My PTSD re-surfaced.
I still think a service dog may help.
I'm too jumpy.
It's nothing mindfulness meditation and grounding exercises can't help.
PTSD is strange. There will be times I will literally start shaking with energy. Sometimes I won't even know the trigger. There are times I'll have to search the house to find out why I'm shaking. Usually, I'll find damage to the door or windows. It's almost like my subconscious mind is ultra clued into danger. My conscious mind is used to ignoring it.
Sounds are bad. You should see me at a fireworks shows.
It's almost comical.
Drums don't bug me. You think they would but they don't.
I like drums.
It's strange....
One piece of advice is to never sneak up on me. I have literally knocked people to the floor who have snuck up behind me.
Last year, someone threatened to jump me in the parking lot at work. I had to write her up for breaking a rule. After digging into it further, I found out that her immediate supervisor told her to break the rules!
I literally told this woman in front of HR "I've got PTSD - you may want to rethink your revenge."
When we drilled down what really happened, her immediate supervisor was fired. She kept her job.
Those words were said out of hurt.
She's friendlier now.
None of this really mattered. We were all laid off eight months later.
I'm trying to support her in her job search.
You'd never guess where she wants to work.
I'm not going to say a peep.
It's one place I will never work.
If she has the passion for the work, all the more power to her.
Me? I follow my whim and whimsy. I only wish it weren't so darn obnoxious.
I should have never switched from my music major in college. I never should have studied social work and psychology. That's my problem.
Deep down, I'm a social scientist. All these social ills have me wanting to implement change. If I were only a musician, I wouldn't bitch so much - I'd just write a bunch of minor keyed tunes.
Sigh.... Let's all sing "Mean people make the world a living hell" dolente in D minor.
I'll probably only find peace if I lived in a cave in the middle of nowhere. I need to find a hot guy in my age range who wants to live off of the grid.
Hey...I should carve that into a candle.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Love ya lots,
S.