Today I am thankful for the sensation of being too tired to care anymore.
Michael has been out of town.
I bought snacks for him and his traveling companion.
I've been driving the mini-van I've just signed over to him. It's driving a little bit funny. It turns out that the radiator is damaged on the side the Centurylink driver hit when backing into the van.
At 216,000 miles, it needs a new radiator.
I have babied this van. I know it like the back of my hand.
At 1/4 tank of fuel, the engine makes a strange sound when it revs up. You can't let it go beneath a quarter of a tank without putting too much stress on the gas pump.
I miss my van.
I found another at a local dealership. It's a slightly never model with 96,000 original miles. They want $3,000 for it. If my mechanic says its a good deal, I'll buy it.
I've been driving my old baby home.
The stalking has made me paranoid. I double check locks and doors several times a night.
Last night, I made sure the garage door was closed when I arrived home. I checked it again two hours later.
It was closed.
When I awoke it was open.
Upon discovering it open, I thought maybe something was keeping it from staying closed.
I closed it again.
It stayed closed.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
Someone is trying to mess with my head.
I'm tired of changing locks and garage door codes.
I'm sick of it.
Michael claims it's not him.
He swears up and down it's his family.
Here's the thing....
he won't deal with his family.
He won't help me solve the problem.
As far as I'm concerned, he's just as guilty as they are.
I am posting the eviction notice tonight.
IF YOU DO NOT TAKE CARE OF ISSUES CAUSED BY PEOPLE AFFILIATED WITH YOU, YOU ARE GUILTY OF COVERT APPROVAL.
I can't figure out what the hell is going on.
I just want to get away from it.
This is exhausting.
Other people need to deal with their own problems -not create more problems in my life.
Well today I am thankful for good credit and for knowing NLP.
My car broke down.
I was driving to see the one client who schedules and NEVER shows up. Luckily, he was a no show this day....as always.
There was a coolant leak. Michael and the neighbor offered to fix it.
They put in the new hose.
I tried to drive it to work the next day. Two miles down the road, I cracked the head gasket.
That's okay.
The car was ugly. I wanted another car anyway. It was a stopgap car designed to help me cope until I received the funds from the divorce settlement and could earn a steady income.
I'm still waiting.
*****
Now, my ex-husband isn't working. He claims to be working a commission only insurance job* so he can't afford to move out, help with bills or pay child support.
I signed over my mini-van to him. A guy with Centurylink hit the van and drove off. The company offered the owner of the car $1,850 to promise not to sue. I signed it over to Michael so he had money to move out with. This is after they deducted about $130 for him to buy my van back from them.
Yeah... insurance companies crack me up. Their insured damaged my legal property and wanted me to buy it back before they settled for the crash.
Now that my car is toast, I probably should buy a used car with cash. I've been looking hard.
Luckily, I got a decent tax return last year.
I can't find one for under $5,000 that doesn't leak, shake or suck. I keep catching the owners of the used cars lying to me. It seems that most people I talk too buy them at auction and sell them with major problems. In the ads, they say these are their cars that they've babied. Eventually, they'll tell me the truth after I quiz them enough. NLP does come in handy when detecting lies.
I've heard too much.
I think I'm going to buy from a dealership now.
I did find a near new Nissan Leaf for $8,000. I am eyeing a Nissan Sentra for $12K with 13,000 miles on it and a seven year warranty.
I qualify....I just don't want to take on another payment when I know I'm not going to get child support or help. If I'm hurting for money then I'll pressure my ex for money.
If I pressure him for money, he won't move out.
I could easily afford the car if I give up my hypnosis business.
I don't know.
*****
I thought I was doing the right thing.
A guy from Centurylink hit the van I gave my ex-husband and took off. It's a Mercury Van with a Nissan motor. I worship Hermes (aka Mercury). I love Nissan.
Centurylink offered him $1,980 for repairs to the van and a promise not to sue them.
I signed it over to my ex-husband so he could take the money to move out.
He hasn't received the money. He says he needs a salvage title before the insurance company will pay for the van.
I don't understand. I'm NOT going to pay for the Salvage title Centurylink adjusters are asking him to get.
Centurylink is lucky I signed the van over to him last week. He never took the title to the DMV. I'm just irritated enough to go to war with their insurance company for fun. I'd sue them for property damage and traumatizing the child that was in the van when their driver backed into them and took off.
I once thought of changing my name to Sue Happy.
When people try to mess with me and I tire of trying to deal with stubborn pricks, I tend to sue.
I've been involved in several lawsuits....all justified. I've always gotten what I asked for with attorneys fees.
Maybe I could....maybe......lose the title and then go after Centurylink (and their adjuster from Sedgewick), get Michael's money and demand that he leave.
Actually....he never took the title to the DMV. I guess the van is still mine.
Just call me sue happy. I'll have fun with that adjuster at Sedgewick.
I'll start by talking to my buddy with the insurance commission. If they're demanding that I buy a title before paying for the repairs, I think they are on the wrong side of the law (unless it has changed).
I have several friends who are personal injury lawyers.
They'll have good ideas as to how to get the ball moving on this.
*****
*Speaking of insurance agents, Michael has decided to be one just like me. I'm a little creeped out and find myself pondering why people with narcissistic tendencies have to copy others. It's a little sad...as though they never had time to find out who they are so they borrow the identities of others.
I don't want to be an insurance agent. It was a stopgap job to help me get survive until I received the divorce settlement.
Again.....too much money is missing. I'll probably never see any of it nor will I receive child support.
I do work for a big insurer. I always wanted to be a health psychologist. I was stalked out of my doctoral program. Which is sad because I was offered the chance to teach but I couldn't handle Michael's sister harassing me on campus. I gave up on that dream.
My employer is looking for health coaches now. I really want that job.
I'm working on it.
*****
Mike has been driving me to used car dealerships. I pay for his gas. I buy him snacks for his "business trips."
I'm not sure they are business trips or if he has a girlfriend.
I'll go with whatever is going on. It's movement. Movement is good. Lack of movement leads to stagnation.
Movement will lead to moving on.
I hope he has a girlfriend. If not, I think he wants us to pretend to be married again.
I can't do that.
I forgot what kissing feels like.
I don't remember sex.
I'm lonely.
One of my friends thinks Michael knows he messed up and is trying to win me back by refusing to leave. Only intensive psychotherapy could make me even consider keeping him in my life.
He won't see a therapist for more than a few visits.
It'll never work.
*****
I really wish I had a boyfriend who could help me pick out a decent car. It would be nice to have a big strong guy around who will talk me out of the tiny purple Nissan Versa.
I can't seem to get ahold of my friend's dad who works for the Dodge dealership. I'm visiting with his counterpart at the Nissan dealership (owned by the same company). Her name is Maria. Maria is awesome. Marie doesn't balk at the purple car although she thinks I'd be happier in a maroon Altima and that's because I stare at it a little too much. She's focusing on used cars with a seven year bumper to bumper warranty. I haven't been able to beat her offers anywhere else.
It would be nice not worrying about more than standard maintenance for a few years.
I'll let you know what happens.
I think I'm wore out on people who lie be they stalkers, exes or used car salesmen.
I will probably buy a new car. Maria has been the only honest salesperson I've met so far.
The absolutely worst thing about not having a car is riding public transportation.
I sat in a wet spot. I had another therapist tell me that this is why Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory" series wears bus pants.
I don't have time for TV. Thank goodness for YouTube.
Riding the bus makes me think of my first love. We dated before we could drive, so we took the bus everywhere. There was at least one time when we missed the last bus home and I'd have to rent a hotel room until we could wait until it was time to catch the next bus in the wee hours of the morning.
Luckily, he was a gentleman.....for the most part.
Now that I am riding the bus more often, I am finding myself dreaming of having long conversations with Tom while riding public transportation.
I wonder what I'm processing. Maybe I should pay attention to what we talk about in the dreams. Maybe my subconscious mind has recorded some stellar advice from him. He always had good advice.
Who knows?
Maybe my subconscious mind will have Tom tell me to buy a good solid steady Toyota with a normal car color....say metallic gold.
I always wanted a hippie relic from the sixties. I always wanted a VW bus. I could pick one up cheap. People won't know that I'm buying it because I'm cheap; they'll just accuse me of being nostalgic.
The worst part of all this is that I've never owned a car worth more than my bass guitars.
Worse....if I buy an expensive car, I'll have less money for musical instruments and art supplies......sigh.
IF YOU ARE ONE TO DEAL WITH THINGS IN REALITY AND THIS PISSES YOU OFF -SKIP TO THE ** BELOW THIS POST.
No, I'm not a feminist. A true feminist would not wish rape upon anyone.
Me? I believe that some narcissists need to have their world view re-defined. I wish this pair of asshats would have a physical demonstration of why rape sucks.
They need to experience a narcissistic fall to grow up.
May they get that so they don't continue to rape and pillage while excusing their piss poor behavior.
Maybe they'll learn to leave their rape drugs at home.
I have a hunch that someone used rohypnol.
Maybe I should dig up the incubus amulet. Someone sent it to me in 2007 and claimed it was a portal to a set of bi-sexual demons.
I wonder if they grant wishes?
Hmmmmm.....
I'm tired.
I'm deluded.
I only have this collection because it's an awesome way to get free jewelry.
I don't fear magick, witchcraft or spell work. It's more of a curiosity with me.
I find that people send me what they fear. I do get objects sent from the estates of witches who have passed on sent to me. Many witches have a piece of jewelry that they wear for all of their magick, most often lockets; these objects are believed to carry great power. People will send me these artifacts when their relatives pass on.
Maybe some day I'll tell you some of their stories.....maybe.
As far as the Djinn, it's up to you decide what to believe.
Do you believe?
Well, do ya?
I'm just having a little fun.
Assholes tend to piss people off. Those two idiots will get what is coming to them eventually.
No wishes need to be made.
There are demons in human form. They are commonly known as thugs.
Thugs have wives and daughters. They'll find a way to teach Brock Turner a lesson.
I don't need to make a wish at all.
It will be done.
Love ya,
S.
Fun Fact - I actually hold a California license and do a lot of business in that state. Out of concern for my clients and the young women of California, I decided to do something about it. In fact, I could be in Stockton today but I declined the opportunity thinking I'd be in a mid-western court dealing with my....um... undesired roommate. I decided to fax this form in because I don't want this happening to my daughters if they were to visit Santa Clara.
Um.....there are a lot of things people can do with asshat public officials. My hobby is exposing such creatons. I had my fifteen minutes of fame giving dumb bunnies like that a run for their money.
Pesky is a pest.
Pests are removed.....
plain and simple.
We've removed stupid politicians out here.
It's nothing to get rid of a horrible judge.
Anyone who says that there is nothing we can do about the stupid and sexist public official is more delusional than I am (even with my spell bound, haunted, creepy jewelry).
If you'd like, I can make another wish......
I'm cackling now.
I guess I need to go grab a broom.
If I really wanted to, I could wish for a safer car or the ability to sing in the shower without making my neighbors call the cops thinking that I'm being killed by a bunch of cats in heat.
Somehow it feels better to test metaphysical scary objects by wishing for revenge for those with the least among us.
I guess I'm not wishing for revenge. I'm wishing for justice. I'm wishing for hope of a brighter future....with fewer victims and much less pain.
Pray for these things in any fashion you wish.
It can only help.
/
Edit 06/09/2016:
Well, it would seem like I'm not the only witch wanting to curse this abusive rapist.
I didn't care too much about the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp divorce.
I really didn't.
I didn't really understand what was going on until I saw numerous stories hit the press in which Depp's friends and family started to bad-mouth Heard.
Abusers do that. They get so caught up in denial, they have their friends and family go out on a smear campaign.
Depp must've done it.
This behavior is typical of narcissistic abusers.
I've learned the hard way.
I'll light a candle for Amber Heard and pray she can find herself a more honest heart.
Crazy people do what crazy people do. It is no reflection of the person suffering from the abuse.
Don't waste time responding to the bullshit, it's done to draw you back into the abuse.
Ignore him and hope a woman will become his next prey....maybe another narcissist w/ Borderline tendencies. They can bring narcissistic men to their knees.
I don't think I'll be able to sit through any more of Depp's films after that.
What a loser!
Non-abusive men who are falsely accused of domestic violence do not go on emotionally abusive smear campaigns. Only abusers do that - they do it to deflect attention from their wrongdoings.
You'd think Johnny Depp's supporters would be smarter than to become abusive in an attempt to prove their friend innocent of abuse.
They are proving his guilt. With friends like that, one doesn't need enemies.
Sigh.....
People are stupid.
I am finally learning the lessons of being a stupid woman who believed the lies of abusive asshats.
I pray you learn my lessons before you live them.
Love ya,
S.
Edit 4/22/2022
I cannot believe a judge was dumb enough to let Depp go through with defaming himself in a trial that appears to be an abusive asshat's dream.
Oh...my...gosh...
I know abuser's like to pull the attention away from themselves and blame other people for their issues but, it appears that Depp doesn't know that this is only cementing that he's a narcissistic abuser hell-bent on gas-lighting his ex one last time.
This will probably end his career. Part of me wonders if he is funding those bizarre pro-Depp comments in the YouTube comment sections.
Seriously?
Whether male or female, once out of the relationship, a victim of domestic violence would stay away from a hostile ex. He or she wouldn't provoke an attack. It is better to stay silent and let the abuser make his or her bullshit known
exactly as Heard and her lawyers are doing.
That judge would be wise to grant a mistrial.
Depp pulled this shit with Heard in England and lost.
If I were that marriage counselor, I'd make sure my malpractice insurance would cover me in the event of a lawsuit. She isn't very bright either and needs to revisit the work of Lundy Bancroft and theories pertaining to reactive violence.
I wonder if an MFT in Colorado can file a complaint against a psychologist in California? I'll look into it. That woman is triggering fear in victims across the nation.
I fear for the men and women stuck in violent relationships with this trial. I'm sure it's fueling numerous rages. I remember volunteering with battered women at the height of the Simpson trial. There was an uptick in cases. Men thought they could get away with Murder...
like O.J.
Ugh.....
when near a snake....
do your best to get away.
Don't try to reason with a snake.
Don't try to charm a snake.
Just get thee away.
I pray the judge loses that seat on the bench. Never give an abuser this type of attention. When he realizes what he has done to his reputation, Depp will just scapegoat Heard harder. Abusers never take full responsibility for their bullshit.
It is disturbing that Depp is being allowed to display his narcissistic abuse in full glory. He is doing this to pull his ex-wife back into the abuse. It's disturbing that he has found allies to do just that.
It is what it is.
It's an injustice to Heard. I hear her. Perhaps this is a good Saturday to meditate to Branwen.
Should I be thankful for coincidences or worried about being stalked?
My boss gave me six hours off today with pay. I guess that is something to be thankful for.
I have a colleague who loves Ube Mamon. It's a Filipino chiffon cake. I'm trying to find it for her in my cowpoke town.
So....I spent the six hours given to me to shop for Ube Mamon powder (powdered purple yam) so that I can make the cake for her.
I went all over town stopping at every Asian market that I could find.
When I didn't find it in the city I live in,
I drove all the way out to my hometown.
There is an awesome Asian Market there.
They didn't have Ube Mamon, either. They had coffee that I order from India but no purple yam powder. On Amazon, the coffee is $42.00. At this shop, it's $7.50.
I stocked up on coffee.
No worries.....I can get Ube Mamon on Amazon. There are videos on YouTube and Recipes on Pinterest that can walk me through making the delectable treat.
I just wanted to surprise her with it this week. Now, I'll have to wait.
Ah, we must all wait for the good things in life.
*****
As I made my way through a town called Arvada, my ex-husband sent me a text message asking me to pick up wheat tortillas for dinner.
I didn't tell him I wasn't working. I typically work 12 hour shifts. At the time he texted me, I wouldn't normally have a phone with me nor would I be available for another four hours.
I was within one block of a Kroger, so I pulled over and went inside.
As soon as I entered the store, I heard my name.
I ran into his cousin!
This is the woman I have known since I was fourteen years old. She was the one who would drive by my house and call to say she could see me in the kitchen window. She was the one who called to ask where I worked the day before Doug and Shannon started hassling me at my Arvada office.
She is also the one my mother-in-law threatened to beat up if I didn't call her. After years of avoiding them, I received an answering machine message from my mother-in-law accusing me of aborting her grandchildren. She said she knew I went to the gynecologist and demanded that I call her. She threatened to attack my former friend if I didn't call.
I didn't call.
I never figured out how my mother-in-law knew where I went. She obviously did not know why I went to the doctor but she knew where I was.
Apparently my mother-in-law made good on her threat. My former friend was too afraid to call the police.
I avoided the lot of them due to the craziness of the situation.
Today I ran into this cousin who I went to high school with, who dated my first love's neighbor a few years back, who appears quite stalkerish on her own.
She told me that she doesn't talk to anyone in the family anymore due to the toxicity. She said that she knew for years that Doug and Shannon lived right down the road from me but she is sure they weren't stalking me because they would talk to everyone about being afraid to run into me at the supermarket!
Yeah...they just ran into me.
They would watch me have coffee with men with their computer and phones aimed towards me. It didn't matter if I were sucking down caffeine with professors, political advisors, political adversaries, colleagues, an old boyfriend and the guy I dated after the divorce. It didn't matter where I was, either: They would watch me in numerous cities across the metro area - not just the neighborhood market!
She said that she thought that their seeing me was just a coincidence.
Yeah....they only ran into me on accident and spent four or more hours staring. There were times they'd follow me into stores and my companions would be afraid for me if I left first, so we'd sit until they had to get up (too use the facilities or whatever). What that didn't happen.....there were times when I thought they either had steel bladders or were wearing Depends underwear, my companions would cause a scene and rush me out of there.
This was not an isolated occurrence. It happened several times a year.
I guess I'm supposed to believe the story. Call me paranoid. I don't believe them.
I told her I caught Shannon trying to break into the house, hanging out in the front yard with a Catholic literature on abortion and Doug hanging out blocking my driveway.
She said that perhaps I was mistaken.
Or it could be that she was mistaken.
Maybe they were stalking me.
Ya think?
The GPS box and hijacked phone were clues.
I told her the cops think Mike is putting his relatives up to harassing me.
I'll never know the truth.
I just need to stay away from it. It's too crazy for my taste. It is embarrassing. It's expensive; lawyers, private investigators, security cameras, alarms, brass bump-proof locks, encryption software and new computers and phones are expensive.
I hugged her and left - slightly miffed that everyone in that family knew Shannon lived close to me
and
THAT THEY BLATANTLY LIED TO ME ABOUT IT!
They told me she lived in Golden, Boulder, Westminster and Thornton. They told me she lived an hour or two away!
They lied.
She lived down the street.
Even this cousin's story had changed.
I'm sad. This just makes me realize that they are in cahoots with Michael.
Was the run-in today a coincidence?
Or did someone know both of us were near each other.
I don't know.
I don't care.
They have an agenda.
I have an agenda.
I am unclear as to their agenda. Mine is to move on with my life.
My former friend also told me that Michael's mother disowned him. She said that my former mother-in-law is running around telling everyone that "Mike is dead to her."
Um.....then why does she have a penchant for calling my home on Valentine's Day asking for Michael to move in with her?
Something is off.
Someone is trying to get me to believe a story.
I left a sweet little tidbit for the gossip mongers in the family.
I'm evicting Michael. I'm not sure when the lawyer will serve the papers. The process is in motion. I just don't know why it is taking so long.
I made it known that Michael has nowhere to go.
Maybe his mother would like some help keeping up her home and garden.
We'll see.
I know I cannot speak to these people ever again.
When she asked for my phone number, I got my old phone out and called her. It's the number they've always had. It's the number to the phone Shannon had hijacked.
*****
I just wish I knew how deep this rabbit hole goes.
I'll probably never know.
I just need to get away from the Mad Haters. That's all they have in common - hate.
