More Proof My Ex Is The Stalker

Today I am thankful for insight that helps me see how bad the gaslighting was in my relationship.

During my previous marriage, it was common to find pages online that masqueraded as me that had potentially embarrassing information.

There was the fake YouTube page with my name and the numeral 2.  It was allegedly suspended for sending nasty messages to people.

There were also times my web pages were hacked and filled with potentially embarrassing stuff.

For example, once my Amazon account was hacked and someone created a wish list with a lot of vibrators on it.

I'm pretty sure my ex-husband pulled those pranks now.

In the past month, I've found bizarre charges on my credit cards which were disputed.

One of my banks sent me an email telling me that my personal information was found on the dark web.

All of these things were taken care of.

None of these things point to my ex-husband directly.

*****

Enter King Soopers -

Over the past month or so, I found myself unable to take advantage of the coupons I download on their app because someone else is using them.

I like to use the coupons to buy stuff for the homeless people I visit.

Over the past two weeks, my phone numbers stopped working at the cash register.  When I went online, I found that my phone numbers were overwritten by my ex-husband's phone number and a phone number that was disconnected during the divorce due to harassment from his relatives.

So - it would seem, he's pissed off about something and trying to annoy me.

I initially thought it was because he wanted my gas points.  I spend a lot at King Soopers (especially because there is a store across the street from Cherry Creek State Park and I buy a lot of gift cards to give to the homeless that are harassed by a local Republican activist at that park).  Kroger gives double gas points for gift card purchases.

I cannot use the gas points because my Hypnomobile is a picky eater.  My old Buick hates Kroger gasoline.

It rides like a hydraulic low-rider if I put that stuff in it.  She jumps up and down, the check engine light comes on and it rides rough until I run it out of gas and put another brand in it.

Mike could have taken over my card just for the gas points.

Or he could have done it as an annoyance and show of power.

It was his phone number on my card!

We have been divorced well over five years.  Why would he do that now?

Sigh....

No matter - I got a new account.

In the back of my mind, it's further proof that he was the one who was messing with my online accounts and websites after the divorce.  

It's strange.  The more we get away from gaslighting, the more obvious the bullshit becomes.

Listen to your gut.  It's usually right.

Love ya,

S.

Ooops, Dennis Did It Again

Today I am thankful that I can still feel....irritation. 

Dennis is at it again.  

It's a shame I'm working 13 hours a day due to many friends who are sick with flu (or COVID-19).  I have to do what I can to help the homeless in the best way I can. 

I work to help them get over addictions. 

He posted this: 

Guess what I'm going to do?

I'll give you three guesses and the first two won't count.

Love ya,

S.

Dreams of Aphrodite's Wrath

Today I am thankful for remembering my dreams and pondering the messages in them. 

So....

I've been sleeping too much.

I blame my liver.

I've had liver pain for years.  I always thought it was my gallbladder.

My gallbladder is fine.

When the pain didn't subside, I assumed it was just fatty liver disease.  An ultrasound proved that it  wasn't.

Then I thought I had cirrhosis due to my love of vitamins.

It's not cirrhosis.

I have a tumor.

It seems benign but the doctor isn't sure.  I'm going to go in for a second MRI in the next few months.

It sucks getting old.

**********
I've had numerous comforting dreams of an old friend hugging me.

Sometimes we share a bed in a very mundane fashion. .

Being the prude I am, we are typically clothed as if we are hiking in Antarctica.

The dream last night -

well.....

he asks to see me naked.

I decline telling him that I'm insecure and ugly in my own skin.

In this dream, I turn my head to look away from him and catch a glimpse of a window.

I see molten fire and lava coming down the mountain and through the window.

I die and wind up in limbo with my cat and miniature poodle.

He's not in limbo with me.

Maybe in my dream, he escaped the fire and brimstone.

Well....

I think the Goddess of Love has made her point.

I keep pushing love away.

It's a sin to ignore the gifts Aphrodite brings our way.

I don't know what my problem is.

Perhaps I just don't want to be hurt or hurt anyone.

*****

The man in the dream and I were close in high school.

He has seen me three times in the past 12 years.

Each time....

I tried to hide my feelings to protect him and everyone else.

The waiters and waitresses knew.

In fact one whispered to me "he loves you" and she joked that she should give him some roses to give me.  That was the day I gave him an amethyst hoping it would lead him to the hottest available woman on the planet.

My life was far too messy at the time.

I gave up my space on the capital steps to be with him that day.

He seemed shocked when I started to tell him about my political adventures.  In fact, after I told him, I never saw him again.

He's tried to contact me a couple of times but I was never at the computer when the messages came.

He ignores my happy birthday messages.

I hope it is because he's happily married now.

*****

There have been numerous suitors.

Each time, I pray to Aphrodite and ask that he finds the woman who he is meant to be with.

Each one is now married.

Except Steve - I can't irritate another woman like that.  He's too violent.

I guess my goddess is getting irritated.

Today I have to ponder how to even think about inviting someone into my life when I'm accustomed to being alone.

I'm not even sure it can be done.

I can't hide away forever.

I can't continue to make excuses to push men away.

*****
The other day I had a friend tell me that he loves me.  He turned bright red as if he were embarrassed.

He has great ideas.  He's very smart.  I told him that I loved his intellect trying to steer the conversation into a more positive frame.

I know he has feelings for me.  He offers to go with me when I have terrifying consultations with doctors  and help me help the homeless.

I decline because he is in a long-distance relationship and is hoping to remarry his former wife.

It's hard to know how to proceed without leading him on or ruining the good thing he has going on.

Maybe I should....

think about trying...

to love someone.

If his flame moves to our state, I could be friends with both of them.

I'm not going to ruin their relationship.

It dawned on me that this line of reasoning sounds like the crap revolving around my head when my old friend used to come to visit me.

I was so terrified of hurting him that I possibly broke his heart.

Perhaps I need to stop thinking so damn much and start to live.

I hope he has all that he needs.

What would break my heart is finding out that he's been alone all of this time.

Love ya,

S.