Hairdressers & Bankers

 

 

Today I am thankful for hairdressers.

 

 

The other day my daughter woke up with a haircut reminiscent of Cyndi Lauper.  She had woke up in the middle of the night and taken scissors to the right side of her head. 

 

 

I freaked out.  She told me she didn't cut her hair and didn't understand what happened. 

 

You can always tell when people lie to you, they stare deep into your eyes and don't blink. 

 

She did that. 

 

After about an hour of denying cutting her hair and my discovery of a pair of sheers in the bathroom, she told me that she woke up in the middle of the night and lopped off her hair because her father gets angry about her twirling her hair into knots when she's stressed out.  Rather than hear about it, she cut off her hair. 

 

I'm looking for a therapist for her. 

 

I don't think they will do as much good as the hairdresser.  She's a pro.  Our hairdresser did the ol' 80's trick.  She cut the hair so that if my daughter changes her part, no one will notice the bald spot.  In the eighties people would shave the sides of their heads but leave the middle untouched.  If they used gel, they could have a Mohawk.  If they didn't, they could comb their hair down to hide the shaved spots. 

 

The hairdresser told my daughter not to worry.  It's only hair.  Hair doesn't define you.  Be who you are and no one who matters will judge you for it. 

 

That incident is why I'm pushing the separation now.   

 

I'm tired of this.  I don't like how the children are being impacted by the yelling and the dysfunction.

 

I found a lawyer who offered to help me for next to nothing.  I can sell my vintage bass to get funds for him. 

 

My ex is trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to go. 

 

I explained to him that the minute I get a job, I have to leave because he'll stalk me or find ways of sabotaging me if he knows where I work. 

 

He said he won't do that anymore. 

 

Yesterday, he came back from his therapist and took responsibility for all of the stalking over the past twenty years. 

 

He won't admit to doing it.  He admits to not putting a stop to it when he knew about it. 

 

I'm supposed to stay now because, as he put it, he's "gettin' healthy".   The way he said that was so snarky, it is hard to take him seriously. 

 

This relationship is insane. 

 

I'm in a bit of a hurry today.  I have to clean up a little fire he made that could put me in jail.  He is in complete control of my old checking account.  I'm working on taking my control back. 

 

He gave me one check.  I used it to pay taxes that were due today. 

 

I called the bank and someone put a hold on that check.

 

I have to go to the bank and make sure they release the check. 

 

I don't want to bounce a check to the taxman.

 

That's what I'm doing now. 

 

There is another issue that is bothering me.

 

I have a friend who is pushing me to walk my talk and change my life....now!  That's not fair.  I am doing the best that I can. 

 

There are some things that take planning.  Leaving a man who is asking people to stalk you takes planning.  I need money.  I need a no contact order/civil harassment order.  I need a car that runs.  I need my own checking account and I need a job that he doesn't know about. 

 

I need to make sure he doesn't lie to the bankruptcy court and leave me holding the bag. 

 

If I run off now, I'll have to go into hiding.  That will ruin any chance in heck of my friend ever finding me again. 

 

I don't use my real name in public because of the stalking.  I had it changed when the stalking first started in 1992.  I honestly thought an ex was my stalker, so I hid and used the last name that he could  not possibly guess.  My Celtic last name became the first name of my ex.  My middle name was the name of an 80's song he detested. I changed the spelling of my first name.

 

I had an acquaintance with the same first and last name that I chose,  so I thought it would confuse my ex enough to leave me alone. 

 

Little did I know that I was barking up the wrong tree.  The stalkers were still talking to me, so they knew about my name and address change.  That particular ex has been trying to help me out now.  It's not him. 

 

I may end up reverting to my birth name if I can't hide from this guy and his family.  I don't want to do that because I will lose any minor notoriety I have earned.  If I plan, I can keep my identity.  If I have to run off in the middle of the night and hide, my pushy friend will never find me. 

 

Please understand, I do not have an emotional connection to the stalkerish guy in the basement.  It's been a long time since we've been close.  I'm just trying to keep everyone safe, including Mr. Pushy-pants.  There were whispers about him potentially getting a threatening email from my husband.  No one will confirm or deny that this happened.  I'm keeping my distance until I can discern what really happened. 

 

Love ya,

 

S.

 

New Entry: 

 

Today I am also thankful for bankers.

 

I've lived in this area for twelve years.  All this time, I'd visit the bank inside the supermarket.  I shopped for fresh veggies daily, hitting the sales when they hit the floor. 

 

Don't laugh, yesterday I got a cart full of groceries for $27.77.   I'm not talking about junk food.  Some of it was crap, I bought maybe seven bags of Hershey's chocolate to give to the neighborhood kids at Christmas (.63 cents a bag) and four bags of Tootsie Pops for 50 cents a bag (which are lollipops that make adorable Christmas ornaments when covered in felt).  I found a beautiful mark-down 3 pound beef roast for $7.  Two pounds of cheese for $7.  The rest were fresh fruits and veggies.  I did splurge on a $3.50 offering for the Goddess Lakshmi. 

 

I am pagan after all.  She's the goddess of abundance.  She's been good to me.

 

I also splurged on a $1 solar dancing penguin toy I found on sale and donated it to the Toys for Tots program. 

 

They closed the bank in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago without a word to anyone.  I was really worried.  Every time I visited the store, I'd wave at the teller.  Once when I gave a speech, she was in the audience and cheered me on.  I mean after twelve years, it felt like a real relationship. 

 

I was afraid that the teller had lost her job. 

 

I drove to a new bank in another city.  There was my teller friend.  She was transferred to a new bank.  I was very happy to see that she was doing well. 

 

The teller fixed the problem with the held check.   

 

And, guess what? 

I was informed today that he removed my name as the beneficiary of the mutual fund we started shortly after we were married.  We haven't contributed to it in four years.  He's raided it quite a bit. 

So, he's lying when he tells me he wants me to stay to work it out.  He wants me to stay so he can sift through the assets.  I guess I shouldn't feel guilty about leaving him.  I was thinking about waiting until after the holidays but maybe he shouldn't get that much time to play around. 

 

I may have found a way to fix my student loan crisis, too.   That was one thing that made me stay in this place longer than I wanted to.  I had no idea that I could lower the interest rate, get rid of the balloon payment, and adjust the payment to 15% of my real income while shortening the payment term.   

 

I adore my banker.  I betcha there are not many people who can say that.

 

I'm getting closer to getting what I need to get out.

Now, all I need to do is get treatment for being so jumpy.  I used to help people with that.  It's a short term therapy.  This should be easy.     

We can move mountains one step at a time. 

 

Love,

 

S. 

 

 

 

 

 



Bad Legal Advice

Today I am thankful for bad legal advice; it makes the aggressive lawyers seem more palatable.

Okay...

I spoke to my friend in the legal field.  I wrote about him not too long ago.  He's the one who has the same name as another friend that I am praying finds a hot girlfriend. 

He spent over a half an hour on the phone with me. 

He gave me the absolute worst legal advice in the world. 

He told me to stay

in a sexless marriage

that's been on the rocks 90% of the time

with a man who is financially and emotionally abusing me

because it is romantic that he won't allow me to work or go to school due to his desire to take care of me. 

It gets better...

If I divorce, I am going to have to consider paying him palimony because he let himself get obese and he probably has a heart condition now. 

My autoimmune disorder apparently is meaningless. 

It gets better still.....

If I divorce, I'll never find anyone to date me because I've had kids. 

So, I guess those dinners and movies I am invited to are not dates.  That helps me quite a bit there....I felt guilty for hanging out with men thinking I was leading them on.  Since I've had kids, they are not interested.  So, maybe I'm okay on that one. 

He did agree that I need to be allowed to work. 

He did agree that my spouse should buy life insurance. 

He offered to take him out and talk some sense into him. 

He also stated that the stalking may actually be from my in-laws.  He said that it sounds like their crowding me and glaring at me in public may be due to them needing to say something to me but being unable to say it. 

He offered to mediate a solution between my in-laws for free.  He told me they may try to say untrue things about me that will be painful to hear.

I told him about the zombie baby thing.  My mother-in-law called the house claiming that I aborted all her grandchildren.  Her grandchildren overheard the message and the running joke is that their grandmother thinks they are zombie babies. 

They say lots of crazy crap about me. 

I mentioned my friend's generous offer to the man in the basement. 

He declined. 

So....it's off to a full fledged lawyer I go.  I am also talking to the people at the local safehouse.  I need to find a way to stay safe from the stalking.  I told them about the money hiding business and they said that if it got to the point that I couldn't get gas money, they'd give me a bus pass so I could get away. 

This is what I get for trying to be fair. 

Darn it.....

I spoke to several lawyers.  Temporary spousal maintance in this state is 40% of the higher earning spouse's income.  It usually lasts for 1/2 of the duration of the relationship.  I supported my spouse the first seven years of our relationship.  Then he became ultra controlling and I ended up going behind his back to finish college.  My college career ended because of stalking. 

The truth of the matter is that if I leave him, he wouldn't have enough to live on for at least a decade. 

I'm trying to find a way to get out of here without putting this man in the poorhouse.  I tried starting my own business and I got harassed out of it by someone affiliated with him.  I tried going to school to upgrade my skills and he and his sister started stalking me!  I even took a few certification classes and he started to stalk me there, too! 

If I can get licensed in my field, I can make six figures and solve this problem.  The local government demands that I work for two years as an intern, so it is going to take some time to get to that point. 

It is possible. 

If I stay with this person, I'll always be in the poorhourse because he hides money and assets. I'll probably become homeless in the event of his death due to his desire to avoid life insurance. 

Yep, he told me that he bought a policy through his place of employment that would only be worth one year's salary.  Yesterday he said there must have been a paperwork glitch so he never got a policy.  I'm supposed to be happy that he tried. 

I need to get a job.  If he's going to meddle in my affairs and let his flipping family stalk me, I need to get a divorce. 

And, if local lawmakers demand that battered women attend mediation, they are doing an absolute disgusting disservice to them.  I'm sorry.....

the mediators do not know a darn thing about psychology.  If I take this man's advice, I'm dead. 

Love ya,

S.

Edit later that same day:  I contacted another friend's law firm.  They can help me for $1,000.  There is hope. 

Blogs & Documentation

Today I am thankful for blogs as they provide a useful form of documentation should the crazy people in my life get crazier. 

Before 2008, my blogs were boring.  I wrote about sex, hypnosis and politics.  I wrote about how hot it was being a vegan and watching a man eat pizza.  I'd write for hours pondering why I liked watching that only to figure it out when I hit 'publish'. 

That is the most vanilla thing I could never figure out. 

I have an ex who likes to eat pizza when we meet.  I think he found my blog. 

I'd write about how hot men with beards were.  Again, it would take hours of typing to actually figure out why. 

That ex has a beard now.....oh, myyyyy.

Ditto for bald guys. 

I wrote about the perils of aging and how driving on the interstate at night reminds me of the star field seen in the Peter Davidson's Doctor Who Intro.  Yeah, if I'm not paying attention, I may just see a face coming at me.  It's good to be attentive.



My blog droned on and on. 

Then I started getting frustrated by some chick that worked for the local government.  She was a lawyer representing my spouse's boss.  She'd call the house and tell me the craziest things about myself. 

Her client illegally stole money from me.   Her client slandered and libeled me.  She'd call to say that I could not do a darn thing about it. 

I did.  If you know my identity, you know I gave those idiots a run for my money.  I'm still not done.  I want to sick a legion of demons on them. 

I'm trying to get their employees unionized. 

There is only one thing an alleged black magick witch fears more than demons......

unions. 

Sometime around 2009, the former mayor got into the act.  He kept ignoring me when I tried to alert him to the shenanigans of his employees.  A city council person shared with me a memo he sent around saying that I shouldn't have a voice in politics.   Two years later, his own party asked me to take a run at his seat. 

Whenever I gave interviews, he'd circle the reporter and myself like a shark.  Yeah, I found a way to make him care about what I had to say.  I had a voice. 

I blogged about that. 

I documented everything.  I documented the stalking, the GPS box that fell off my car, the bizarre phone calls, the cops showing up in my garage one July evening (probably to install the GPS or to investigate the man they claimed was seen messing with my vehicle), the cops banging on the door in the middle of the night and the cameraman for the city television channel chastising me for kicking the camera that he hid under a table as I dined out with fellow activists one fine Tuesday night. 

If it happened, I blogged it. 

There were other stalking incidents that I wrote about.  The guy watching me in the diner for four hours as a married friend of the mayor talked about wanting to lick my crotch.  He wasn't interested in me.  I think he and his political friend were trying to catch me doing something wrong. 

Thank goodness I'm a prude. 

Okay, he was far too obvious for my taste.  If he had only ordered a slice of pizza and forgotten to shave that day, he may have had a chance. 

NOT!

Sigh....  

My adventures in politics are over. 

The stalking has not stopped. 

In anticipation of the divorce, I took down my blog because the last thing I want is a gaggle of lawyers finding crap to annoy me with. 

It was a conversation with a friend last summer that prompted me to question everything.  I told him about the stalking and he started to laugh.  He said that I wasn't important enough to have several stalkers and that if I were telling the truth, I needed to really examine my experiences and try to find the culprit. 

It started in 1992.  The last major freaky incident was in 2011 where a man hasseled me when I was leaving a pizza date with an ex who had forgotten to shave.  When I laughed at the guy for calling me a devil, he went on to threaten the people in my office building.  I had lent my office out to another professional that day, so I wasn't there.  The person they described matched the description of the man who approached me as my ex drove off. 

My ex was never one to capture the details of his surroundings.  He didn't hear my obnoxious laugh mocking the stalker.  Maybe he is immune to my evilness because he has learned to ignore me.  He's a smart guy. 

The people I think are stalking me contacted me last week by leaving a non-threatening message on the answering machine.  I ignore them now.   

I've known my in-laws since 1984.  I started dating the man I'm married to in 1992. 

I've always had trouble starting relationships as I'm always immune to the desires of men.  If they want me, I never realize it until they either have their hand on my crotch or their tongue in my mouth. 

The aha moments come when they've stripped me naked after years of verbal sexual play.  I usually end up saying something akin to "Oh...you like me.  I wish I'd have known this when you first invited me out to dinner 48 months ago."

I'm slow.   

I have married friends who now have taken it upon themselves to tell me who wants me. 

It's creepy. 

I feel guilty for inspiring so many red blooded American men to sport blue balls. 

I had no idea. 

This is pertinent because back in 1992, I had no idea that the man who wanted to be my spouse was into me until his mother started leaving harassing messages on my answering machine.  She'd tell me to stop f'cking him.  Not only did she say this, but so did two of his maternal aunts, two of his cousins and his sister.  On a daily basis, they'd fill up my answering machine with their filth. 

That is how I found out he wanted me. 

So, we dated. 

We'd go out to dinner and members of his family would be in the same restaurant watching him.  I live in a major metropolitan area.  The odds are near zero that it was a coincidence. 

There would be times when I'd go pick him up for dates and his family members would hop in my car and refuse to leave. 

There would be times when they'd be at my home. 

It was weird. 

I broke it off. 

It stopped for a little while. 

I don't want to go into how harassing phone calls have cost me my apartments or jobs.  I'll just say that when he moved in with me, the stalking escalated.  I didn't consider it stalking at the time but that is exactly what it was. 

His sister and cousin would drive by and report to me who I was with and what I was doing.

Then they started hasseling me at college.  They'd stalk me, spread malicious gossip to my professors, and call me daily to demand that I quit.  There were times they'd drive over to my home to do the same thing.  They'd ruin parties screaming at me because I was in school. 

I never understood this.....until today. 

I was informed today that a few years prior to our getting married, my idiotic spouse told his mother that we had an agreement that he would support me while I went to college.  He told her that we had agreed that he would put off college until I graduated.

We had no such agreement.  I was supporting him.  I paid most of the bills.  I paid the rent.  I bought the food.  He was only responsible for the phone and the electric. 

He told me that his mother was pressuring him to go to college.  He wasn't ready, so he said the noblest thing that he could think of.  He lied when he told her that he was supporting me through college at the expense of his own education.

It wasn't true.  No wonder they hate me!  No wonder they accuse me of controlling him!

The truth is that I supported him through his BA program!!  I even did some of his psych homework and edited his papers. 

I'm so flippin' pissed. 

He said that this corresponded with them harassing me over money.  Until we had to ask them stop harassing me at my home, there were times when his mother would get incredibly violent while claiming that I was making her son pay for everything.  She claimed that I was using him for money.   He said that when he finally told her that I was paying for everything, his sister started demanding that he sign his paychecks over to her. 

Like a dolt, he signed his paychecks over to his family!!

When I stopped working, they stopped asking for money.  I stopped working due to abuse that I endured from him. 

This is all so very sordid. 

I had no idea about this until recently.  I found out about him giving her money last year.  I had no idea why they thought he had money to spare because I was paying for everything. 

He married me and controlled me thinking their demand for cash would stop.  He quit paying it.  They became hostile. 

Oh, crap......I took away their money bag. 

I think this explains the stalking.  This explains the phone calls claiming that I "owe" them.  This explains the phone calls claiming that I am responsible for taking care of his parents in their old age. 

They had planned on him supplementing their income! 

I had no idea. 

I think I found their motive.  When they retired, the stalking picked up.  Maybe this is why? 

I don't know.

I haven't thought too much about how this fits in with his financial control, abuse and their behavior.  It's going to take awhile to sink in. 

I did realize today that he was talking smack about me to others.  I figured he was bad-mouthing me to his work-wife (the crazy chicky at the city who threatened to audit me if I so much as started a garage band in the city).  I guess he's been doing that all along. 

He doesn't understand. 

I want to get the stalking straightened out.  He's created such a financial mess that I'm going to have to get an income to fix it.  I'm terrified that the stalking will pick up again should I go back to work. 

If his sister, cousin or whoever he has enlisted to stalk me gets caught, he's probably going to get arrested also. 

I can't wait until I can find a way to get the heck out of here. 

My mentor had some excellent advice for me today. 

I'm supposed to consider the possibility of moving out of the country. 

It may happen. 

Darn....

I'm going to document this in case it escalates, as boring as this is. 

I don't know if I told you the story about his mother's phone harassment and why she is the crazy grandma.  I probably should....

Years ago, my mother-in-law found out that I went to the Ob-Gyn.  While I was driving home, she left a threatening message claiming that I murdered her grandchildren.  She said that if I didn't call her back immediately, she would beat up someone I went to high school with.   I wish I were joking.  This call led me to hire an attorney to write a cease and desist letter.  I found out later that she actually did drive to this person's house to harass her.  Why she didn't call the police is beyond me. 

If a crazy old lady drives to your house and tries to hit you....call the police. 

That day, my daughters overheard my mother-in-law's claim that I murdered them as she left her threatening rant on the home answering machine.  To this day, they claim that their crazy grandma thinks they are zombies because she thinks I murdered them. 

They are the prettiest zombies that I've ever seen. 

That makes me smile.  I'm happy that they can find the fun in dysFUNctional. 

Love ya,

S. 

Friendship & Delusion

Today I am thankful for friendship.

I woke up with a fever today.  It was horrible.  When I'm sick, I have to clean.  It is weird.  It's like I get all flippin' delusional and think that if I bleach everything in sight the germs that have invaded my body will go away. 

I wasn't alone today.  My teenage daughter would not let me clean. 

I have a dear friend from high school.  He's a lot like me.  He has OCD.  He's intuitive.  He's the one that used to have a cigarette whenever we'd start talking dirty. 

He's stopped smoking, so now I'm afraid to talk to him.  What will he do now that both hands are free? 

Oh, lordy....

He let me in on a secret today. 

It's obvious that I'm depressed.  This is why he and a couple of other guys from back in the day are contacting me. 

I was informed that the girl he used to know would never give up something she wanted for a man. 

They want me to start thinking about myself. 

I'm trying to get out of here. 

This isn't co-dependence.  This is trying to avoid paying alimony.  This is trying to get my finances under control so I don't have to depend on my ex. 

I'm trying to be fair. 

It's hard to be fair when I'm the only one working on it. 

We've been separated for six years now.  

He's left me more times than I care to count.  He's left me over garbage his mother says.  He doesn't love me.  

He wanted me to help him until he found a job.  He wanted me to act as his wife.  Then he promised to help me divorce.  He found a job and broke his promise.  He threw all of our money into his 401K and stopped paying the minimum payments on the credit cards (many are in my name).  Of course, he told me that he was making the payments.  I went on to search for a traveling sales job but never passed the credit check. 

To this day, I have no clue where any of our joint money is being held, how much is there or how to access it. 

I'm not sure if what I'm being told is true anymore.  I really am not sure if I care enough to find out.  

I need a divorce.   

I need to make it legal. 

You get to a point where you don't care anymore. 

The lawyers want me to wait until he files bankruptcy.  He's sitting on the paperwork.  He said he did that to keep me here.  He acknowledges that we are married in name only.  I don't understand why this isn't a problem for him. 

Maybe if we could find him a marriage minded girlfriend? 

Maybe we need someone to nudge him a little. 

I don't know. 

I feel stuck.  If I get a job, will he or his family stalk me again?  I should wait until I file for a divorce and get that no contact order before I make my move. 

This is weird for me. 

People are noticing that I'm sad.  I need to do something so they don't worry so much. 

It is weird. 

I don't understand why I have to rationalize leaving him. 

I don't quite understand why I can't cheat.  If we are not together, why am I faithful?

Maybe I am the probblem.  I think I've always drawn the line at moving out.  We are not together when I'm out of the house.  Maybe I need to redefine the end of the relationship. 

It may help me feel like I am making progress. 

Today I am also thankful for the power of delusion. 

Yep....

My ex thinks I'm a djinn master.  His family runs around stalking me and calling me evil and Satan. 

Maybe I should play the witchy poo thing up? 

Hmmmmm....

I wonder what I can conjure?

I miss my friends. 

I miss my hometown. 

Maybe it is high time that I returned. 

If my fever breaks, I may spend the weekend back home.  I promised my aunt and uncle that I would visit our relatives at the tiny cemetary a couple of blocks from where I grew up.  Perhaps it is time to keep that promise.

Besides, if my ex thinks I'm into necromancy, maybe my visiting the dead will scare him a little it. 

We shall see. 

I'm down but I'm never out. 

Love ya,

S. 



HIM

Today I am thankful for HIM.

I tend to hate Thanksgiving and Christmas.  They remind me of HIM. 

He is my first love. 

He flits in and out of my life during times of distress.  I don't quite understand the emotions that I trigger in him when he sees me.  It's a cross between love and disgust. 

He's really gentle around me yet I make him impatient.  The last time I saw him, he had a broken leg.  I was running late to a lunch appointment with him and I swear I saw him tapping his cast on the cold ice as he waited for me to cross the street. 

I dream of him once in a while.  I usually see him when I meditate during the holidays. 

I figure one of two things are happening when the dreams occur. 

It could be that dreams of him bring me a sense of comfort.  He is a reminder of innocent days gone by.  He is a reminder of friendship at a time when my life fell apart.  During our short relationship, I lost my aunt, my grandmother and my father. I also became homeless. I met him on the heels of my mother's death. 

He stood by me, even after we broke up.  He made sure I was okay after I was raped and became incredibly depressed.  He's probably why I became a therapist.

That could be why I dream of him when the sh!t hits the fan.

-or-

When I go back to my hometown for the holidays I think of him.  Those are our former stomping grounds.  I can't go to the spice shop without thinking of him.  I can't go to the only accoustic guitar shop in our metropolitan area without thinking of him.  I can't even see my PTSD doc without driving past the places we spent our time. 

It's hard. 

It does seem like dreams of him trigger actual real life visits with the man.  It could be because we frequent the same areas during the same time of year and run into each other.  I don't know.  I've never really thought about it. 

Last time I saw him, I saw him in pain.  I wanted to take him somewhere and kiss his leg (the broken one, don't get dirty on me).  That realization shocked the holy heck out of me.  It's like I have a tendency to babify him: I want to treat him like a little kid. 

What the heck is my problem?

 

I think he saw my lusting after him and ran off. 

He had good timing, too.  For just seconds after he drove away, my stalker approached me. 

I haven't seen him since. 

We connected a couple of times online but it is awkard. 

What the heck is wrong with me? 

I've been sick lately. 

I took a nap today and had the weirdest dream.

I'm going to have to ponder this. 

It takes place in a neighborhood where my new crush resides.  It was the place I spent a lot of time before I met my old flame.  I lived with my grandparents before my mother died.  My new friend grew up about a mile from my grandparent's old home. 

Yes, I have a crush on a guy.  At first I denied how I felt because this guy resembles my ex a little too much.  I mean, at one time, they had the exact same job.  They are the exact same age.  They are both of the same heritage.  They have the same eye color and the same face structure.

At first, I laughed it off because I really did not want to fall in love with a clone of someone else.

Then, after getting to know him a little better, I realized that it was the differences that I adore.  My new friend is silly, playful and completely unstuffy.  He's not uncomfortable with attention.  He speaks his mind.  He doesn't expect me to stay quiet.  He's open and wants me to learn to open up.  He doesn't think he owns me.  He gets disgusted with men who think they own women.  He has never once criticized my clothing, my hair or my make-up no matter how much mascara runs down my face.  Oh, and he's not an adrenaline junky.  He likes to hike, bike and get out into nature but he doesn't brag about hopping out of airplanes and breaking his limbs.

I'm trying to deny all of this because I haven't let it get very far for fear of hurting someone.  Still, when I see his picture pop up on social networking sites, I cannot deny that I care for him. 

I guess, in truth, I'd have to say that this is true for both of them. 

I'll tell you about the dream, if you want. 

I'm in a dark room by a charity that I visit every Saturday.  I donate my old clothes to them.  They give them to battered women.  Usually they replenish my wardrobe with designer clothes for me for the cost of the spare change in my purse. 

I'm in this dark room working on making recordings for people online.  I do this at night when no one is there.  I leave my protein shakes in the fridge.  I notice that some guy leaves his lunch there every day in a paper bag labeled "Tom".

One day, I spent an inordinate amount of time mixing one recording and am there until the sun begins shining.  I meet Tom.  It's my old friend. 

He asks me why I insist on wearing red dresses and high heels. 

He tells me to stop it and to be myself. 

Hmmmmmm...

I love red dresses and high heels.  I just could never wear that with Tom because we walked around too much in cold weather. 

I am not myself lately, though. 

I am usually flirty and filthy; yet I have no one to do that with. 

I hate politics but you wouldn't know it. 

I hate clutter but I have far too many clothes. 

I hate make-up but I wear it all of the time. 

I am a morning person but I find myself working until the wee hours of the morning.

Maybe I am not acting like myself. 

I should've apologized for kicking him off of Facebook. 

He made fun of me. 

He said that he likes getting to know his exes so he can rate them based on how happy he was that they are out of his life. 

I made it easier for him to consider me as being out of his life. 

Then he compared me to Ayn Rand. 

I hate Ayn Rand.

I can't be close to a man who is not cognizant about the differences between a big L Libertarian and a little l libertarian: one of us believes in freedom for all (including the freedom of poor people to peddle their wares without paying expensive licensing fees) and the others who believe in using licenses to further corporate monopolies.  It is a little more complicated than that but this guy does not understand politics at all. 

I wouldn't have minded explaining it to him. 

Sadly, uneducated liberals did it for me. 

They ask 'but who will care for the poor?'

The answer is charity.  Sweeties, charity doesn't make you sign away your property.   Charity doesn't make you dependent.  Charity serves a higher purpose than forcing you to lose dignity on the public dole. 

In my state, public assistance is a career death knell.  You have to give up your business, your low paying job, and your education for a pittance of support and the promise to do the state's bidding for thirty hours per week. 

Don't do it.  It is not worth it.   You'll be stuck without a way out. 

Government is the reason people are poor.  Government is the reason that people can't afford homes.  Government is the reason jobs are moving overseas. 

We have too much regulation.  We are regulating people out of their comfort zones. 

I can't stand it. 

It hurts. 

Maybe this is who I am now. 

I don't know. 

Garbage Dumps

Today I am thankful for garbage dumps. 

I had numerous phone calls yesterday from two different numbers five minutes apart.  I had no idea who the calls were from.  They've been calling quite a bit over the past couple of days.  Each number averaged five calls in the span of half-an-hour.

I turned off my cell phone. 

Now, my sister-in-law likes that trick.  She'll call constantly to, as she puts it, "force me to talk to her".  If that doesn't work, she'll stalk me.  When that doesn't phase me, she'll harass people associated with me and spread gossip.   She has also been known to recruit other people to do her dirty deeds. 

She's fairly dangerous.  She likes guns.  She's been known to harass my associates with them.  I fear for the people she comes into contact with. 

I truly believe that her and her brother are narcissists to an extreme.  They were both golden children who could do no wrong.  I feel for their brother.  He was the scapegoat.  I got in the doghouse with my mother-in-law because I gave him a car.  I guess it is against the rules to help the scapegoat. 

I'm not sure if this is why they harass me in public.  His family will literally visit me in groups, approach me and glare at me. They are like pack animals on the prowl.  It is insane.   The main actors on this stage are his retired uncle and aunt, his morbidly obese sister, his morbidly obese cousin, his father and his mother. 

Everyone else just kind of ignores them.   I'm beginning to think that the problem is a lack of jobs.  If we put these people to work they wouldn't have the time to annoy the heck out of me or anyone else. 

I've learned to live a quiet life.  I've learned to keep my personal information private.  I've learned to keep my phone numbers a secret, only sharing them with a select number of people.  I actually have public numbers that I use to forward calls to my cell phone.  That way when the harassment starts, I can block her. 

This only works when my ex cooperates with me.  His sister and mom know far too much about me, my whereabouts and what is going on in my life.  They've called the house and actually stated what I've done on certain days. 

I don't think the stalking is quite done. 

When does it ever end? 

I think I'm paranoid. 

I'm realizing, quite quickly, that my ex is in league with his family.   He must run to them with information about me and uses them to enforce his demands on me.  If I do not do exactly as he wants me to do, I find myself stalked and harassed by them. 

He worked for the city in which I ran for political office.  The city lawyers would call my house with the most obnoxious gossip about myself.  I honestly think he was triangulating with the people there. 

This year he took a new job with an old employer.  I've had his co-workers approach me about what they term my "adventures in government".  I don't know what he's telling them but I am not comfortable at all with it. 

They've told me that he's a bully.  Actually, I was asked how I could live with such an a-hole. 

I can't. 

I'm paranoid.  I don't answer the door anymore.  I don't answer the phone.  I'm terrified to go back into business for myself for fear another person will get harassed by people associated with my ex. 

I stopped talking to my male friends.  I've had to change all of my online passwords when a couple of them got nasty messages from someone claiming to be my husband using my accounts. 

He denies sending these messages. 

I believe he did.  

The most painful things are what he says during his ranting rages.  Let me give you a couple of examples.

"I get you pregnant so you can never leave me."

That's a nice way to ensure that one never gets to have sex again.   

"I want to take care of you so I meddle with your jobs." 

Then he'll try to convince me that he knows nothing about the stalking. 

"I need to protect you from [name of male friends or colleagues]."

Then he'll deny sending bizarre messages to them or stalking any of us.  Worse, he'll proceed to deny saying these things at all until he rages again. 

"I asked my cousin to track down [name of first love] to return everything he ever gave to you so you wouldn't have to think of him again."

This was a recent admission.  I had been told that he and his morbidly obese stalking cousin were not on speaking terms.  I guess this was not the case.  Apparently, he did this several years ago without my knowledge.  He was going through my artwork, journals and musical compositions in order to get a sense of what I could do.  He must've found my old friend's art.   It was wierd.  Back in '98, his cousin would call to report that she ran into my old flame at the supermarket and that he was married to a more curvy version of me. 

I was thrilled that he was married.  I didn't think too much of it at the time. 

Then my old flame's stuff started appearing all over the house.  Things that I thought were long gone would turn up in my bed, on the exercise equipment, and in the middle of the floor.  I found my daughter cutting up a handmade frame from a self-portrait my old friend made for me when we dated.  One Thanksgiving, I found a stuffed giraffe he gave me in the oven.  I would literally walk into my bedroom and find the giraffe hung with bedsheets, as though it were trying to commit suicide. 

At first I blamed my daughter.  Now, given the jealousy my estranged spouse admits to having for my former flame, I think he did those things. 

My first love came back to visit in '08.  I mailed all his pictures back.  I gave him back his artwork.  I wanted him to take his letters but he refused to take them.  They have since disappeared.  

I'm living with a crazy jealous guy. He's intrigued by voodoo.  Those things needed to go. 

And, worse, he says he has never spoken to my husband's obese cousin.  I hope she wasn't stalking them.  She lives two blocks away from my old flame's mother.  For the past several years, she's claimed to be dating a guy who I recently found out lives next door to my old flame's mother.  I wonder if she met him while stalking my ex. 

If so, perhaps she and her friend were too busy with each other to spy very much.

This is the trouble that insecure men can cause for other people. 

It is such a pain in the neck. 

Darn....if he's jealous that I still care about my old friend, maybe he shouldn't continue to be such a butt head towards me.   It's really hard to like a-holes. 



I have to find a way to get this guy out of my life completely.  I have to  hide everything I do from him in order to live a life on my own. 

I have to throw the guy in the garbage. 

I need to dump him and his obnoxious family.  This is taking far too much time to deal with. 

There is one thing that I've learned:

Don't let the trash drag you down.  

Oh, and if you are being stalked by a morbidly obese set of clowns....try to put on a show.  That is what I do. 

I entertain them. 

That way they have something extra interesting to gossip about. 

Love ya,

S.  

And, right now, as I write this blog entry, his cousin is leaving a message on our answering machine. This is a new number that is supposed to be private. 

She didn't threaten anything she said that she just wanted to 'talk at' us. 

So much for being estranged, eh?

The freaks come out at holidays. 

Happy Thanksgiving.

For me, everyday is unhappy turkey day.



Devilish Scorpio Promises

 

Today I am thankful for entertaining deals with devilish Scorpios because they make me laugh. 

 

 

I have an adorable Scorpio friend.  We met five years ago. 

 

We would play metaphysical mind games with each other.  We'd astral travel and report back what we dreamt about via the telephone. 

 

Sometimes we dreamt the same things. 

 

Other times we did not. 

We go into trances and talk about past lives that we may or may not have had together. 

It's like having a shared hallucination. 

 

This friend is a lot of fun. 

 

He's got his eye on an adorable brunette.  He wants to hang out with her and I'm trying to keep him from  ending up in the friend zone.  I told him my little story about not knowing that I was dating some guy until he got hurt.  He needs to be straight with his lady love so the same thing does not happen to him. 

 

We had our annual little birthday talk last night. 

He wants me to promise him that if we are both not happily married in two years, he wants us to tie the knot.

Uh....

I told him that I do not believe in marriage. 

He doesn't believe me. 

I put up with a bad marriage for twenty years.  I hesitated to leave.  I'm still stuck here.  He knows it. 

He doesn't buy my no marriage line. 

I can't pull the wool over this guys eyes. 

There are other reasons it won't happen.  First we have the same last name.  Too many people think we are married as it is now.  Could you imagine how flippin' awkward that would be if we actually tried doing that? 

I can find a thousand more excuses if I truly want to. 

Maybe I shouldn't be in a hurry to divorce because this is probably what is waiting for me.  Divorce would open me up to many more crazy conversations with men in the friend zone.

Sigh....

 

November 19 babies drive me insane.  I know too many of them that were born on this day in the very same year.  There must have been aphrodisiacs in the water on Valentine's day in '69. 

I was supposed to be born in mid-November that year but my astrologer mother did not want a Scorpio;  so she took a lot of drugs to cause me to be born several weeks earlier. 

I was so tiny that I wore doll clothes the first few months of my life. 

This may be a reason I feel an affinity to people born this time of year. 

Happy birthday you crazy guys. 

 

I'm going to pray that each of you find wives.

I'm not getting married again...and not getting into another relationship with a Scorpio or a Scorpio Ascendant with a Libra sun on the cusp.  Those are the only relationships I have ever had.......they are misery.   I saw "are" because these guys never really leave.....ever. 

Darn it, I have too much Pisces in my chart.  My mother should have warned me but I didn't believe in that stuff....until now. 

It's weird how life works. 

I don't know if astrology is real.  My working theory is that people are indoctrinated as to how to behave as young kids due to this pseudo-science.  Far too many November babies are taught to act like narcissistic perverts tantruming in high chairs. 

I need to find better playmates. 
 

Love ya,

 

S.   



Fate, Love and Stupidity

Today I am thankful for fate, love and my stupidity. 

 

 

I think I fell in love with a friend a couple of months ago.  Eros had his bow ready, he aimed and he fired.  I thought I was the only one that got shot. 

 

 

But, no....I was flirting with another guy and my friend's jaw dropped.  He was obviously hurt. 

 

 

Then, when asked by another person why I became an activist, I told the truth.  My ex had a crappy adventure with the local government.  The government lawyers, cops and bureaucrats drove me batty and I took control.  My friend was standing next to me and when I mentioned my ex's name he got incredibly quiet. 

 

 

It's been awkward since.   I really like being around him.  He is comfortable with silence.  I don't get that very often from anyone.  When we do find ourselves talking, it's like we have the same hobbies and thought processes. 

 

After all the drama...all the whining...all the yelling...and all the hitting that I've endured over the past 25 years, I welcome a soul mate who doesn't lose it. 

 

I don't think I'm his type.  I didn't think he was mine.  I do find him quite endearing though. 

 

I sense he is in pain.   I don't know if I should try talking to him or pray he gets a prettier chick. 

 

We've had a weird story. 

 

I met him on Facebook a few years ago.  He'd post between those awkward erotic postings of my other exes.   I tried to make them into jokes.  No one bought that.  There is nothing worse than your estranged spouse and your elderly aunt liking some post your first love makes about masturbation. 

 

The first thing going for this guy is that he keeps those kind of thoughts in private messages. 

 

The first time I saw my friend, he was sitting in a coffee shop during a political luncheon.  I didn't get to say much to him.  I had to get advice for some political issue I had gotten myself into and I only had an hour.  He sat there quietly staring at me.  I want to say that was over two years ago. 

 

He has the exact same name as another friend of mine.  My other friend has a similar birthday, similiar political mindset and the same patriotic avatar at one time.  This friend, with the same name, is married and had severe agoraphobia. 

 

When I received a text message inviting me to coffee from that name.  I thought it was my married friend with agoraphobia.  I knew he was seeking help.  I was excited that he was leaving the house. 

 

Of course, I went.  What am I?  Unsupportive? 

 

I was excited!!! 

 

Yeah!!!  

 

My super smart friend was going out into public!  I was looking forward to the day he'd run for congress or something. 

 

I think I got ahead of myself. 

 

I went and it was the other guy. 

 

I had so much fun. 

 

He's funny.  His laugh is the most wonderful sound in the world. 

 

He's filthy. 

 

I caught him staring at my butt. 

 

I paid for everything because I was embarrassed that I went on a date despite my crazy marital status. 

 

I'm married to a guy who claimed we were getting divorced once he found a job.  He only recently told me that he's lied and orchastrated crap to force me to stay with him for appearance sake. 

 

It's a lonely life.  I sleep alone and have for several years.   I rarely see my spouse.  He hangs out in the basement.  He ignores me.  The cops claim he's stalking me. So, we may get to spend time together that I know nothing about. 


I'm waiting for the lawyers he's hired to finish their legal crap so I can file for a divorce.   The lawyers want me to hold off looking for a job, restarting my business, or filing for a divorce until they finish their proceedings.  I've been waiting over four years for some legal crap to get settled.  Once one of his issues ends, he starts another one. 

I feel like my life is passing me by.   

 

In the middle of the night, I'll break down and cry.  I'll wish to have someone to love. 

 

I think my prayers were answered before I was ready for it.   

 

The more time goes by, the more enduring my new friend is becoming. 

 

I really like him and want what is best. 

 

I'm not it.  It's a sad thing to say but until I get my crap together, I am not best for him or anyone else.

 

That is a big problem for me. 

 

I can't jump in bed with anyone unless he's a friend.  If he's my friend, I'm going to hesitate to let him date someone as awful as me. 

 

Especially since I'm not divorced. 

 

I'm waiting....the lawyers are sitting on their tired little over paid butts. 

 

I heard from my friend today, not the one I lust after..... but the guy who shares his name.  My formerly agoraphobic friend has been busy.  He saw a friend of mine for therapy.  He went to school.  He has a new job. 

 

He called me today and left a message.  Guess what he does for a living? 

 

Matrimonial law. 

 

I'm not sure he can help but I'll give it a whirl. 

 

If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have met such a fun guy. 

 

Isn't it weird how the universe works? 

 

I wouldn't have accepted the date if it weren't for my confusion about those names.  If I hadn't mistaken those men for each other, I never would have gotten to know my new friend. 

 

Even if nothing comes of it, my new friend has changed my life.  He taught me to be more open.  He taught me to take risks, to learn something new, to get out there and live life.  He's changed me. 

 

If something more comes from this relationship, I guess I'll owe it to the guy who made me say yes to a date I didn't anticipate.  If he can get those papers signed, I'll really owe him quite a bit. 

 

If not, I'll forever remember the beauty of friendship and hope I can pass that gift on to someone else. 

 

Love ya,

 

S.   

 

 

 

 

 

 



Creme Filled Snacks

Today I am thankful for creme filled snacks.

Hostess is going out of business.  The Republicans are blaming the unions. 

Yeah...right....

They'd be better off blaming Michelle Obama and her war on sugar. 

Hostess filed bankruptcy in January and floated the idea of liquidation back then.  Google it if you don't believe me. 

The union employees probably didn't want to take a pay cut and impact their unemployment benefits. 

We all know this isn't the end of Ding Dongs, Twinkies and cement laden Wonder Bread.  Some marketer will buy the brand and the recipes and move the operation to Mexico or somewhere cheaper to produce crappy snack foods. 

You know, I've never had a snowball.  I guess I should go buy one. 

They always looked a little perverted to me. 

As a kid, I didn't find the look appealing but now.....it isn't all that bad. 

Sigh....

I stopped eating that crap when I became a model way back in the day. 

Okay, okay....the truth of the matter is that I just stopped eating.  No one tells you that it kills your metabolism when your old and going gray. 

That's not true.  My first boyfriend would freak out and take me out to dinner.  You know someone loves you when they share their food with you.  If I only knew what I could have done to make him happy and give me a protien shake, we'd probably have never parted.  It certainly would have been much cheaper than eating out all the darn time. 

Ah, to be young and ignorant.  He was the pervert.  He should have educated me.   Ah, it is just my luck to attract all the sweet gentleman to my side.  My friends get the cheating perverts.  I get the nice guys who want to wait until my divorce is final.  My friends are chunkier and have wider smiles.  I frown but am more slender because I get my exercise climbing the walls. 

On the bright side, I'm sure I'll survive the apocalypse.  I don't need food to survive.   I'm ready for it...bring it baby. 

Not really....I'll probably get shot when the government rounds up the activists.

According to the conspiracy theorists, I'm already dead. 

Oh....on another note, I saw a story from The Onion that makes me smile. 

Laid-Off Hostess Employee Forced To Look For Creme-Injecting Job Elsewhere

http://www.theonion.com/articles/laidoff-hostess-employee-forced-to-look-for-cremei,30425/

That's funny....I know several women looking for someone for just that very thing. 

Good luck to him. 

Love ya,

S. 

Scorpio Eclipses & Revenge Magick

Today I am thankful for Scorpio eclipses and being schooled in witchcraft. 

I am in a bratty mood today.  

As stated in an earlier post, I wanted to get lost in another town.  

I chose to get lost in Denver.  

Denver....

It has now become the land of greedy cowpoke politicians.  

Now, I like cowboys.  

As a teenager, I married a rancher.  

He taught me to never name my food.  

I made friends with one of his cows.  

I named him Angus after my favorite Scottish guitar player.  

He had it slaughtered as a wedding present.  

I was vegan.  

We lasted eighteen months.  

His mistress hung out with us during our honeymoon.  

It was creepy.

I was young and stupid.

On the bright side, I was so well rested.  

He was from Washington state.  The land of ranchers.  The land of rain.  The state without an income tax.  The land with decent education. The land of legal gay marriage and weed.  It is a very progressive state.  

This is unlike Denver (except the pot thingy).

Oh, the city council should be grateful that I do not live there.  

I received two parking tickets for following the instructions on their meters.  

It appears that the city council has changed the law but not the stickers on their parking meters.  

Let me explain.... 

The meters read that one has to pay for parking from 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. and that overnight parking until 8 a.m. is allowed.  I went out to dinner.  We were the only people in the frickin' restaurant.

I think I know why no one patronizes the businesses here on weeknights.  

I got a parking ticket at 10:17 p.m. for an expired meter.  The meter maid was too darn lazy to put it on my windshield.  I found it on the ground.

I did a quick check of the city ordinances and it appears that the city has (quietly?) reverted to 24 hour meters.  I wonder if people know this because nearly every car around me had a ticket on its windshield.

Oh....how nice.  

This is my second ticket.  

I received another ticket for not having the back bumper of my tiny car exactly flush with the meter.  I remember this clearly because the guy behind me would have been trapped if I had done that as the car behind him was incredibly close.  I pulled up a couple of inches as I was the first car on the block.  I had a couple more inches between myself and the curb in front of my parking space.  

I got a ticket for that, too.

I do not remember seeing a sign stating that my back bumper must be flush with the meter.  

All righty then....since I don't reside in your town and I do not have the time to get a mob in the face of the ICLEI influenced city council that wants people to ditch their cars and revert back to horses,  I'll do the next best thing.  

I'm mailing a check to the public works department in this one trick pony town.  

Yesterday, we had a Scorpio eclipse with a Scorpio sun and a Scorpio moon.  It was the perfect day to cast a curse.  

I've cast my check with a black magick curse to end Denver's little greedy charade.  Until they update their meters to reflect that people must pay beyond 10:00 p.m., all their tax hike ballot initiatives will fail.  I am very much familiar with TABOR. 

I may put up a Facebook page recruiting people to take a pledge to do that.  It depends on whether or not I get another ticket before I leave town.

The campaign motto could be

"We paid our fair share of taxes at Denver meters: Vote NO!"

It could work. 

If those at the statehouse are worried that public anger will cause them to lose their own tax hikes, ol' Hick can put in a call to his friends in Denver.  All they have to do is make their signs easy to read and understand.

Fair tickets are one thing.  Unfair tickets are another.  It is another form of taxation. 

We can always displace the money elsewhere. 

Behave or pay.  It amazes me that greedy public servants wonder why people strike down their tax initiatives.  You lose the trust of the people, you lose access to their votes and wallets.

Another municipality a little south-east of Denver is just beginning to figure that one out. 

Love ya, 

S.  

Karma

Today I am thankful for karma. 

I am a horrible person. 

I let him kiss me yesterday. 

I did it out of pity. 

He has the flu now. 

I am horrified at myself because it wasn't his face I saw when I closed my eyes.

I know I feel guilty when my diet consists of nothing except chocolate.  

The flu is his karma.

My snug jeans are mine.

I've got to stop this craziness. 

On the bright side, he'll never try to do that again. 

I'm feeling icky.  It could be the flu.  It could be guilt.  I don't know. 

Whenever I get sick and see doctors or shrinks they do me little good. 

They give me drugs. 

I never get well. 

I usually see Shamans.  

I fear what they'd do to pull me out of this mess. 

I feel played. 

I don't understand this guy. 

He only wants me when I want someone else. 

Then he won't let me go. 

He complains and whines when I'm in the public eye but watching me in public turns him on. 

So.....

I don't know what to do. 

I'm looking for a new lawyer. 

The idiot we hired has done a fine job of dragging things on far too long. 

I wonder what karma holds for lazy lawyers? 

Hmmmm....... 

Love ya,

S. 

Gloves & Hand Sanitizer

Today, I am thankful for disposable gloves and hand sanitizer.

So,

I think the stalker has taken a turn for the worse. 

At least it looks that way. 

There was a pair of bloody underwear sitting atop my garbage can today, in the middle of my backyard. 

They were not mine.  

They are cotton with purple and white horizontal stripes.

I prefer cotton undies with lace tops.  I like to wear solid colors. 

Besides, I wear St. Eve underwear because the name reminds me of my crush.

The only pair I have that are not Hanes or St.Eve have little cupcakes on them because I wear them with the fantasy that I'll get a lick of icing someday. 

That is the same reason I wear my Christmas undies with pictures of mistletoe on them......

all.....

year....

 long. 

Someday, I'll get a kiss. 

Horizontal stripes? 

I'd never wear those. 

They make my butt look big. 

The underwear was not there last night when I took out the trash. 

No one in my home claims responsibility.

I have no clue.

What in the world is the message? 

Mr./Ms. Stalker needs to be a little more direct. 

I don't understand what this person is trying to say. 

How can you intimidate me if I don't get what you are trying to do? 

Does someone need stalking lessons? 

Me, I need more disposable plastic gloves and vanilla scented hand sanitizer. 

Love,

S. 

Edit:  The more I think about it, the more I wonder if the squirrels are running around spreading other people's garbage around the neighborhood.  This doesn't fit the stalker's behavior at all. 

My stalker likes to have his family and friends go to third parties to spread malicious gossip.  They also like to threaten me on the telephone or drive by and make mention of what they saw. 

The cops say my somewhat estranged spouse is my stalker.

The "ex" says that his mother is my stalker.

No one has never left dirty undies before out in the open like that....keys, religious anti-abortion literature, notes and such but I've found an article of clothing. 

If I really wanted to catch him in the act, I'd just hire an escort to kiss me in public and make a huge spectacle of it.  I'm sure the stalker would come out of the woodwork then. 

He always shows up when he thinks I'm having lunch with an old flame. 

If I do that, I'm hiring a stripper that dresses up like a cop.

I've decided to go out and buy some nuts, seeds, and dried apple bits and put them out in the yard just in case it is a squirrel.  It could be a squirrel dragging our neighbor's trash into our yard.  Maybe it'll stop the craziness with regards to finding other people's dirty clothing in my backyard. 

Or else I'm insane and another party in my home is responsible for the errant underwear.   If so, that could be a good sign.  It will make things much, much easier.  If he has a girlfriend, then I have an easier exit plan.

We'll see. 

Cheers!