Hairdressers & Bankers

 

 

Today I am thankful for hairdressers.

 

 

The other day my daughter woke up with a haircut reminiscent of Cyndi Lauper.  She had woke up in the middle of the night and taken scissors to the right side of her head. 

 

 

I freaked out.  She told me she didn't cut her hair and didn't understand what happened. 

 

You can always tell when people lie to you, they stare deep into your eyes and don't blink. 

 

She did that. 

 

After about an hour of denying cutting her hair and my discovery of a pair of sheers in the bathroom, she told me that she woke up in the middle of the night and lopped off her hair because her father gets angry about her twirling her hair into knots when she's stressed out.  Rather than hear about it, she cut off her hair. 

 

I'm looking for a therapist for her. 

 

I don't think they will do as much good as the hairdresser.  She's a pro.  Our hairdresser did the ol' 80's trick.  She cut the hair so that if my daughter changes her part, no one will notice the bald spot.  In the eighties people would shave the sides of their heads but leave the middle untouched.  If they used gel, they could have a Mohawk.  If they didn't, they could comb their hair down to hide the shaved spots. 

 

The hairdresser told my daughter not to worry.  It's only hair.  Hair doesn't define you.  Be who you are and no one who matters will judge you for it. 

 

That incident is why I'm pushing the separation now.   

 

I'm tired of this.  I don't like how the children are being impacted by the yelling and the dysfunction.

 

I found a lawyer who offered to help me for next to nothing.  I can sell my vintage bass to get funds for him. 

 

My ex is trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to go. 

 

I explained to him that the minute I get a job, I have to leave because he'll stalk me or find ways of sabotaging me if he knows where I work. 

 

He said he won't do that anymore. 

 

Yesterday, he came back from his therapist and took responsibility for all of the stalking over the past twenty years. 

 

He won't admit to doing it.  He admits to not putting a stop to it when he knew about it. 

 

I'm supposed to stay now because, as he put it, he's "gettin' healthy".   The way he said that was so snarky, it is hard to take him seriously. 

 

This relationship is insane. 

 

I'm in a bit of a hurry today.  I have to clean up a little fire he made that could put me in jail.  He is in complete control of my old checking account.  I'm working on taking my control back. 

 

He gave me one check.  I used it to pay taxes that were due today. 

 

I called the bank and someone put a hold on that check.

 

I have to go to the bank and make sure they release the check. 

 

I don't want to bounce a check to the taxman.

 

That's what I'm doing now. 

 

There is another issue that is bothering me.

 

I have a friend who is pushing me to walk my talk and change my life....now!  That's not fair.  I am doing the best that I can. 

 

There are some things that take planning.  Leaving a man who is asking people to stalk you takes planning.  I need money.  I need a no contact order/civil harassment order.  I need a car that runs.  I need my own checking account and I need a job that he doesn't know about. 

 

I need to make sure he doesn't lie to the bankruptcy court and leave me holding the bag. 

 

If I run off now, I'll have to go into hiding.  That will ruin any chance in heck of my friend ever finding me again. 

 

I don't use my real name in public because of the stalking.  I had it changed when the stalking first started in 1992.  I honestly thought an ex was my stalker, so I hid and used the last name that he could  not possibly guess.  My Celtic last name became the first name of my ex.  My middle name was the name of an 80's song he detested. I changed the spelling of my first name.

 

I had an acquaintance with the same first and last name that I chose,  so I thought it would confuse my ex enough to leave me alone. 

 

Little did I know that I was barking up the wrong tree.  The stalkers were still talking to me, so they knew about my name and address change.  That particular ex has been trying to help me out now.  It's not him. 

 

I may end up reverting to my birth name if I can't hide from this guy and his family.  I don't want to do that because I will lose any minor notoriety I have earned.  If I plan, I can keep my identity.  If I have to run off in the middle of the night and hide, my pushy friend will never find me. 

 

Please understand, I do not have an emotional connection to the stalkerish guy in the basement.  It's been a long time since we've been close.  I'm just trying to keep everyone safe, including Mr. Pushy-pants.  There were whispers about him potentially getting a threatening email from my husband.  No one will confirm or deny that this happened.  I'm keeping my distance until I can discern what really happened. 

 

Love ya,

 

S.

 

New Entry: 

 

Today I am also thankful for bankers.

 

I've lived in this area for twelve years.  All this time, I'd visit the bank inside the supermarket.  I shopped for fresh veggies daily, hitting the sales when they hit the floor. 

 

Don't laugh, yesterday I got a cart full of groceries for $27.77.   I'm not talking about junk food.  Some of it was crap, I bought maybe seven bags of Hershey's chocolate to give to the neighborhood kids at Christmas (.63 cents a bag) and four bags of Tootsie Pops for 50 cents a bag (which are lollipops that make adorable Christmas ornaments when covered in felt).  I found a beautiful mark-down 3 pound beef roast for $7.  Two pounds of cheese for $7.  The rest were fresh fruits and veggies.  I did splurge on a $3.50 offering for the Goddess Lakshmi. 

 

I am pagan after all.  She's the goddess of abundance.  She's been good to me.

 

I also splurged on a $1 solar dancing penguin toy I found on sale and donated it to the Toys for Tots program. 

 

They closed the bank in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago without a word to anyone.  I was really worried.  Every time I visited the store, I'd wave at the teller.  Once when I gave a speech, she was in the audience and cheered me on.  I mean after twelve years, it felt like a real relationship. 

 

I was afraid that the teller had lost her job. 

 

I drove to a new bank in another city.  There was my teller friend.  She was transferred to a new bank.  I was very happy to see that she was doing well. 

 

The teller fixed the problem with the held check.   

 

And, guess what? 

I was informed today that he removed my name as the beneficiary of the mutual fund we started shortly after we were married.  We haven't contributed to it in four years.  He's raided it quite a bit. 

So, he's lying when he tells me he wants me to stay to work it out.  He wants me to stay so he can sift through the assets.  I guess I shouldn't feel guilty about leaving him.  I was thinking about waiting until after the holidays but maybe he shouldn't get that much time to play around. 

 

I may have found a way to fix my student loan crisis, too.   That was one thing that made me stay in this place longer than I wanted to.  I had no idea that I could lower the interest rate, get rid of the balloon payment, and adjust the payment to 15% of my real income while shortening the payment term.   

 

I adore my banker.  I betcha there are not many people who can say that.

 

I'm getting closer to getting what I need to get out.

Now, all I need to do is get treatment for being so jumpy.  I used to help people with that.  It's a short term therapy.  This should be easy.     

We can move mountains one step at a time. 

 

Love,

 

S.