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Hugs & Human Contact

 
Today I am thankful for hugs.
 
I think I miss human contact. 
 
I ventured out of the house again to go to a community event. 
 
I have a neighbor who has been trying to get me to date her high school sweetheart for about six months.  He was trying to wait in the wings.  I'm trying to hide. 
 
He's a nice guy....but...I don't feel him like I should.   I have to feel connected to people before I hang out with them.  It's weird....I know. 
 
She ran up to me and hugged me. 
 
I had just finished working out and taken a shower.  I have very long curly red hair.  It takes hours to dry. 
 
I felt icky, having her feel my damp head. 
 
Then, I was grabbed and hugged by a politician, a school board member and another parent. 
 
I miss being out in public. 
 
I can't stay stuck here. 
 
So...

I tried talking to the man in the basement again. 
 
I'll never understand him.....ever...
 
I explained to him that if I stay I'll never be able to hold a job or save money.  I'll never be able to finish my doctorate.  Worse, if I stay here I will never have sex again. 
 
The stalking scares me.  The yelling scares me.  The lack of access to money frustrates me. 
 
The lack of nooky makes me mean and nasty. 
 
I need to file for a divorce. 
 
I'd prefer that he cooperates with me.  If he cooperates, we can have a mediator take care of it for less than $750. 
 
If he wants to be a dick, I'll end up paying $4,000 for a lawyer. 
 
I told him that I may have to sell my wedding ring to pay the legal fees.  He got angry and started digging through his jewelry box hunting for his wedding band.  He became agitated and threw the box of jewelry on the floor.
 
I'm tired of this. 
 
He said that he would like me to stay married to him even if it means that I have an affair. 
 
No...
 
I'd rather leave first because the scenario he posits could hurt a third party. 
 
He is promising me anything I want. 
 
He's done that before. 
 
 I'm not buying it. 
 
I feel so alone.
 
I wish I had someone I could trust with the reality of the situation.  
 
Maybe, when it snows this weekend, my car will get stuck in another town and I'll have a couple of days of peace and quiet. 
 
That is what I'm aiming for. 
 
Anyone want to join me? 

Love ya,
 
S. 
 
 
 
 
 


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