Skip to main content

Hugs & Human Contact

 
Today I am thankful for hugs.
 
I think I miss human contact. 
 
I ventured out of the house again to go to a community event. 
 
I have a neighbor who has been trying to get me to date her high school sweetheart for about six months.  He was trying to wait in the wings.  I'm trying to hide. 
 
He's a nice guy....but...I don't feel him like I should.   I have to feel connected to people before I hang out with them.  It's weird....I know. 
 
She ran up to me and hugged me. 
 
I had just finished working out and taken a shower.  I have very long curly red hair.  It takes hours to dry. 
 
I felt icky, having her feel my damp head. 
 
Then, I was grabbed and hugged by a politician, a school board member and another parent. 
 
I miss being out in public. 
 
I can't stay stuck here. 
 
So...

I tried talking to the man in the basement again. 
 
I'll never understand him.....ever...
 
I explained to him that if I stay I'll never be able to hold a job or save money.  I'll never be able to finish my doctorate.  Worse, if I stay here I will never have sex again. 
 
The stalking scares me.  The yelling scares me.  The lack of access to money frustrates me. 
 
The lack of nooky makes me mean and nasty. 
 
I need to file for a divorce. 
 
I'd prefer that he cooperates with me.  If he cooperates, we can have a mediator take care of it for less than $750. 
 
If he wants to be a dick, I'll end up paying $4,000 for a lawyer. 
 
I told him that I may have to sell my wedding ring to pay the legal fees.  He got angry and started digging through his jewelry box hunting for his wedding band.  He became agitated and threw the box of jewelry on the floor.
 
I'm tired of this. 
 
He said that he would like me to stay married to him even if it means that I have an affair. 
 
No...
 
I'd rather leave first because the scenario he posits could hurt a third party. 
 
He is promising me anything I want. 
 
He's done that before. 
 
 I'm not buying it. 
 
I feel so alone.
 
I wish I had someone I could trust with the reality of the situation.  
 
Maybe, when it snows this weekend, my car will get stuck in another town and I'll have a couple of days of peace and quiet. 
 
That is what I'm aiming for. 
 
Anyone want to join me? 

Love ya,
 
S. 
 
 
 
 
 


Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

Venus Meditations

  Today I am thankful for my new realization.  In my world, Friday is the day of love (reminds of The Cure - lol).  It's true.  Friday is the day of Venus.  Exhausted as I was after work, I went to my altar and lit a candle asking that my friend find whatever his life is lacking. Then I went upstairs and did my Friday night ritual to Aphrodite.  I lit a candle asking that I gain confidence in my ability to love.  I also ask that I recognize true love.  I was too exhausted to linger so I tried to fall asleep.  Have you been too tired to sleep?  It's horrible.  Your mind goes round and round -  you might recall things that happened recently (like the doctor telling me to be careful because I haven't hit menopause yet and I say, "not worried about it" while thinking that it's a good time to be in a sexual drought - hooray for me),  or things going on at work  (that I can hypnotize little cranky babies to sleep without sa...
Read more

Welcome to the Club, Zuckerberg (also a warning)

Today I am thankful for realizing that I am not alone.   There is a frustrating feeling that one gets when trying to educate lawmakers about the reality of the world in which we live. I saw this feeling expressed by Mark Zuckerberg during that charade of a Congressional hearing he took part in this week. Zuckerberg looks a mixture of angry and frustrated.  I know that face.  That's the face where I am stifling laughter so hard that it looks like I'm going to cry. That's my political face.  My background is in social science and psychology.  Imagine how irritating it is trying to explain that city policy is based on the concept of a traditional nuclear family (mom, dad, kids - people tied together by blood or legal policy).  As such, there are laws on the books that break up other types of families (more complex family systems of economic cooperation).  Trying to explain that there are  people who share economic resources without bloo...
Read more