Today I am thankful for bad legal advice; it makes the aggressive lawyers seem more palatable.
Okay...
I spoke to my friend in the legal field. I wrote about him not too long ago. He's the one who has the same name as another friend that I am praying finds a hot girlfriend.
He spent over a half an hour on the phone with me.
He gave me the absolute worst legal advice in the world.
He told me to stay
in a sexless marriage
that's been on the rocks 90% of the time
with a man who is financially and emotionally abusing me
because it is romantic that he won't allow me to work or go to school due to his desire to take care of me.
It gets better...
If I divorce, I am going to have to consider paying him palimony because he let himself get obese and he probably has a heart condition now.
My autoimmune disorder apparently is meaningless.
It gets better still.....
If I divorce, I'll never find anyone to date me because I've had kids.
So, I guess those dinners and movies I am invited to are not dates. That helps me quite a bit there....I felt guilty for hanging out with men thinking I was leading them on. Since I've had kids, they are not interested. So, maybe I'm okay on that one.
He did agree that I need to be allowed to work.
He did agree that my spouse should buy life insurance.
He offered to take him out and talk some sense into him.
He also stated that the stalking may actually be from my in-laws. He said that it sounds like their crowding me and glaring at me in public may be due to them needing to say something to me but being unable to say it.
He offered to mediate a solution between my in-laws for free. He told me they may try to say untrue things about me that will be painful to hear.
I told him about the zombie baby thing. My mother-in-law called the house claiming that I aborted all her grandchildren. Her grandchildren overheard the message and the running joke is that their grandmother thinks they are zombie babies.
They say lots of crazy crap about me.
I mentioned my friend's generous offer to the man in the basement.
He declined.
So....it's off to a full fledged lawyer I go. I am also talking to the people at the local safehouse. I need to find a way to stay safe from the stalking. I told them about the money hiding business and they said that if it got to the point that I couldn't get gas money, they'd give me a bus pass so I could get away.
This is what I get for trying to be fair.
Darn it.....
I spoke to several lawyers. Temporary spousal maintance in this state is 40% of the higher earning spouse's income. It usually lasts for 1/2 of the duration of the relationship. I supported my spouse the first seven years of our relationship. Then he became ultra controlling and I ended up going behind his back to finish college. My college career ended because of stalking.
The truth of the matter is that if I leave him, he wouldn't have enough to live on for at least a decade.
I'm trying to find a way to get out of here without putting this man in the poorhouse. I tried starting my own business and I got harassed out of it by someone affiliated with him. I tried going to school to upgrade my skills and he and his sister started stalking me! I even took a few certification classes and he started to stalk me there, too!
If I can get licensed in my field, I can make six figures and solve this problem. The local government demands that I work for two years as an intern, so it is going to take some time to get to that point.
It is possible.
If I stay with this person, I'll always be in the poorhourse because he hides money and assets. I'll probably become homeless in the event of his death due to his desire to avoid life insurance.
Yep, he told me that he bought a policy through his place of employment that would only be worth one year's salary. Yesterday he said there must have been a paperwork glitch so he never got a policy. I'm supposed to be happy that he tried.
I need to get a job. If he's going to meddle in my affairs and let his flipping family stalk me, I need to get a divorce.
And, if local lawmakers demand that battered women attend mediation, they are doing an absolute disgusting disservice to them. I'm sorry.....
the mediators do not know a darn thing about psychology. If I take this man's advice, I'm dead.
Love ya,
S.
Edit later that same day: I contacted another friend's law firm. They can help me for $1,000. There is hope.