Saturday, December 26, 2015

Scared

Today I am thankful for fear; it gives us the energy to get away from danger.
 
 
 
I've been trying to talk to Michael about what he wants to do.
 
He's scaring me. 
 
 
Michael says that he stays in this house to put a stop to the stalking. 
 
 
I'm pretty sure he's the stalker. 
 
 
He accompanied me to my aunt's house for an impromptu Christmas party. 
 
My sister said that it was nice that we were back together.
 
 
We are not back together.
 
He won't talk about moving out.
 
 
My sister said "he loves you....just a little too much."
 
Stalking isn't about love.
 
Stalking is about control.
 
I'm scared.
 
I can't sleep as I fear getting stabbed or beat to death in my bed.
 
I don't know why I'm afraid he's going to lose it. 
 
I have to find a way out.
 
Love ya,

S.
 


Thursday, December 24, 2015

Knowing (working post )

Today I am thankful for knowing.

I am also thankful for knowing a lot of shrinks.

I am doubly thankful for knowing a lot of anti-taxation activists.


I do know that Michael is my stalker. 

In talking to numerous experts, there are several clues.

He acts like a controlling man.  He takes my car (remedied by buying one too beat up and small for him to fit into).  He takes my money without a second thought.

He refuses to give me eye contact when I try to deal with the stalking.

He yells at me when I try to put together a safety plan.

The stalking incidents always take place when he is not around: That means that the stalking is meant to keep tabs on me.

He did something even stranger - he did my Christmas shopping for me.

He's not working!!

Where did he get the money?

How do I know my kids will like the gifts he said I bought for them?

I don't understand how this works.

I was told by a psychiatrist yesterday that I NEED to go back to court and demand a psych eval.

I just want to understand the stalking.  I somehow believe that if I understand it, I can protect myself from it.

I am even trying to make excuses for Michael.  For many years, I thought it was due to a head injury.  Recently, I thought it could be due to dementia.

The psychiatrist told me that he's too organized for that.

He believes Michael is still talking with his family due to his mother calling here on Valentine's Day asking for him to move in with her.

I wish I could find a way to get to the truth. 

I'm thinking he's been fired from two jobs now - he blamed me for that.  Then he claimed he never blamed me.

The Ass. City Attorney said he was fired for telling her that I faked heart attacks.  They gave him an impossible quota to fill and fired him for being unable to finagle a half a million dollars from King Soopers within 30 days.  I adore King Soopers.  They give so much to local charities.  They do so much for the community. I wish I could publish what I saw in those court documents.

I never would have known about the quota if the City Attorney hadn't paid a high price lawyer to depose me.  I learned a lot about the sneaky antics of our city leaders that day.

If it helps, I spoke about how we punish businesses who choose to cater to people in this city when I ran for office.

My family was fined $500 from the local municipality because Michael didn't steal money from King Soopers/Kroger through unethical audits.  That was my grocery money.  It would have gone to Kroger anyhow. 

I fight tax hikes in my spare time now.

I will never understand why the Aurora leadership thinks it's okay to steal money from an abused woman.and her children  I hope someone explains it to the City Manager - abused women put up with lots of shit.  They are mean!  There is nothing you can do to her that her abuser hasn't already done.


Nothing scares me outside of his family.

Nothing.

I could give speeches to an arena of liberals talking about how they are not entitled to my money.

I wouldn't be afraid.

I'm afraid of crazy people who think they own me and know no bounds.

That last $500 fine they levied against him in 2013, cost me $10,000.  They changed a due date on a PAC report and fined him $500 for missing it.  He raided the money he was supposed to give me in the divorce to pay the City of Aurora.  I asked for a payment plan so I could pay his debt.  We were divorced at the time but I didn't want his debt to impact my home.  The City Clerk refused unless I wanted to go on camera to talk about being abused and stalked in front of the City Council.  That video would have been on YouTube. 

That video probably would have put me in danger should Shannon or Doug have found it.  The last thing they wanted me to do was go public.

When I did...things got ultra scary.

I asked Michael to pay it.  He said he'd take it from my funds.  When I looked at the books, he took $10,000!!!!

I'm ticked.  I'm scheming.  There will be a day I will get my comeuppance from people who enabled an abuser to steal my money.


Crap....the least they could do is ask their officers to start taking reports when I call them with IP addresses of Facebook hackers that match my in-laws computer -or- take reports when someone bangs on the door and cuts the hose or pretends to be my insurance agent to get in the house.

I quit calling the police.  They are sure it is Michael.  They don't want to arrest him make it worse. They say that I can get a restraining order without proof.  That's what they want me to do.  You can't get a permanent restraining order without a police report.  A temporary restraining order is just going to piss off the stalker.     

When it comes to messing with crappy municipal policy, I've decided that I need to begin by dealing with the abuser and his kin.

Anyway.....

Michael has claimed he was fired from this last job because I called him after someone banged on my front door three times (what I refer to as the scary knock), tuned on the water hose - and cut it!!!

.....while the children and I were home scared to death.

I called him to find out if he had footage of the perp due to the camera he installed in my living room. 

Yes....his cell phone....the one he got from work....had recordings of my conversations in the living room.  The camera faced out of the window but the recordings were made of people talking inside of the house.

Yes, it was creepy but I thought it would help me identify the person who likes to bang on the door and engage in property damage  - on Wednesdays.  

I don't know if he was trying to help or gain my permission for stalking me.

I feel bad.

I know stalking is due to an obsession disorder.  He can get help!

I don't want to keep putting my life on hold pending his decision get help.

Oh.....the Psychiatrist laughed when I mentioned that he blames his mother for the stalking.  She's blind.

"Is her name Daredevil?", the psychiatrist asked. 

"No." 

"It's not her."

I know.  I just wish I knew how to fix it.

It could be the uncle who ran up to be in public to glare at me - his face within inches of mine.

It could be the brother upset that Michael won't help his mother.  This brother has stalked me at metaphysical fairs and can get very violent on a dime.  He doesn't remember hitting people.  He confronted me in front of  a group of witches.  He went on claiming I won't let his brother talk to him. They cast a spell on him while he was harassing me.

It could be Michael asking them to keep tabs on me. 

I wish I knew.

It's a shame that they resemble my daughter.  If they didn't, I'd carry my glock around more often.

I wish I could fall in love with a bodyguard - or a sharpshooter.

I'm off to go Christmas shopping and switch around a few tags. 

Maybe I'll flirt with a security guard while I am out and about. 

Love ya,

S.  












Narcissist Tip Off

Today I am thankful for insight.


I spent six hours yesterday trying to talk to Michael about what he wanted.

He tells me it doesn't matter.

I let him know that I need to know what to expect, I'd like to know if he's planning on moving out .

He won't tell me.

I told him that I was creeped out by the stalking.

He says he has nothing to do with it.

Exasperated, I finally told him that the only reason he was here was due to his stubbornness.

He was supposed to move out in October of 2013.

He never did.

It didn't bother me so much when he was traveling all of the time.  He'd only be here on a few weekends and need a ride to the airport.

Since he lost (or gave up his job), he's been here non-stop.  I can't use the home gym because it is in the basement.  He's here constantly.  I can't call the shelters or the stalking hotlines.  I can't contact lawyers.  I can't invite people over.  He is here...all...of...the...time. 

I feel trapped. 

Maybe I'm supposed to feel trapped.

I've spent several hours each week trying to talk to him about moving on and out.

We've never had an agreement allowing him to stay here.

He just never packs his stuff.  In fact, I started packing him up in September of 2013 when we signed the divorce agreement.  Those boxes are still in my closet. 

I need to find a way to hire an attorney.

I need someone to come up with an agreement and force Michael to honor it.

I am frustrated.

I went to my therapist to talk it all out.

I walked away with this tidbit -

A narcissist is someone who makes decisions for you without consulting you.

Yes, this was the case.

I lent him $4,000 to go to his friend's wedding.  He promised he would return the money he didn't use.

He said he only spent $1,800 on the trip.  I never saw the money.  He decided it would be better spent on collectibles than returned to me.

This was 1994.

******

That year, I didn't want him living with me.  I wound up getting kicked out of my apartment.  My landlord told me a woman continually called her telling her that Michael was living with me.  She said that this woman called so much, it was wasting the time of the staff.  This went on for three weeks and I was told that if this woman didn't stop calling, I'd be evicted.  Within a week, someone broke into my apartment, destroyed the lock, punched a hole in the wall and damaged the pipes.

I was given a three day eviction notice.  That day, my ex-husband's uncle asked that we move into his house and it was ready for us.

I'm pretty sure Michael was behind that.

*****

He took my life savings shortly after we were married and put it on a house I didn't want.  The house was in a bad neighborhood.  There was no access to public transportation and it was an hour away from work. When I objected, he started to yell at me.

He already put the money on the house.  I would have lost it if I didn't go through with the mortgage.

Once we moved in - he took my car.

I couldn't keep my job.

*****

This time....he decided that if he were nice to me, I'd take him back without asking him to go into therapy.

The deal we had was, he could stay if he were in therapy and we had a legal agreement allowing him to stay.

He refuses to talk about the legal agreement.  He's never gone into therapy.

Why?

Well....he decided he could stay......if he were nice....without talking to me.  Of course, he didn't tell me this until last week.

Ugh....

*****

I am frustrated.  I am expected to play nice because it is Christmas.

I share this in case someone else resonates with it. 

On the bright side, I'm too busy to cry too much about it now.

If he wanted me, he would have gone into therapy years ago.  He hates his mother so much so, we couldn't be intimate.  I reminded him of her.

Therapy would have kept us from living over a decade in celibacy.

It's unfair to ask me to continue to live this way. 

I feel guilty for wanting to move him out of the house -but- if he wanted to stay here, he would have treated me with more respect.  He would have not yelled at me, lied to me, lied about me and encouraged his family to stalk me.

I'm tired. 

I really am.

I am looking at apartments.  Yes, he gave me the house in the divorce -but- if I am not safe here, it's time for me to move on.

Love ya,

S.


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Edit: Doing Too Good of a Job

Today I am thankful for people who express honest anger.


I am thankful for Tim.  Tim is the guy who trained me to sell insurance.  I met him at the Phish concert a little over a year ago.

I took the weekend shift because those are the days no one wants therapy. In all my years being a therapist, I've only had one Saturday client and one Sunday consultation.

It's nice to have a job working for someone else.

It's nice to be someplace with high security and safe from the stalker.

I also like getting away from the ex who is squatting in my home.

To be more fair, the weekends are the days my ex is supposed to be with the kids.  When (or if) he moves out, he'll be with them on the weekends and I can work long hours doing something that I feel is worthwhile.

Besides....I feel like I don't belong in my own house because he somehow has the money to spoil the kids.  When he's here, he does things for him.  He buys things for them.

I don't have that kind of money. 

It's best if I am not there when he is there.

I work twelve to fourteen hour days during the weekend.

That's going to change next week.  I hear they will cut my hours and award the most coveted schedules to individuals who rank highest in performance. 

I wanted the crappy schedule.  I'm new.  I thought I'd rank the lowest because I'm new.  I figured I'd get the schedule no one else wants. I wanted the heavily disliked weekend schedule. 

I guess I was wrong. 

*****

I happily came to work yesterday, set up my desk and overheard Tim's co-instructor complaining about some woman who has only been with the company three months being ranked higher than her.  She was really upset.  She wondered how some newbie could steal her schedule and threatened to quit.

I didn't even consider it was about me.  I know this woman is an asset to the company.  I had a hard time believing that the boss wouldn't want to keep her happy.

I respect this woman.  She's a wonderful salesperson.  She has a good heart and an understanding nature.  She makes her client's feel cared for.  She has a very high closing rate, somewhere to the tune of 70%. 

Tim has a closing rate of 93%.

My closing rate is only 54%.

I am no one.  Compared to these superstars, I am no one.

I figured that my job is on the chopping block. 

I've been learning everything that I can about insurance sales.

*****

Tim approached me yesterday.  I looked at him and told him that I wanted to be like him.  I wanted to reach those numbers, too.  Did he have any tips for me?

No.

He wanted to know why I was ranked higher than he and the other trainer.

I was shocked.

I asked the site manager about it and was told that the rankings came down from corporate.

I just don't understand.

I know I wrote to corporate to help them get out of paying a tax to the city I live in.  This is the city I ran for office in and the city where I was involved in a lawsuit against the tax and license department. I know that department has an evil side.  It was the head of that department that told me I needed to pull a business license to have a garage band!  I remember receiving an email from her, her name was Robin, claiming that I needed a business license in this city because I bring my briefcase home from my office in another jurisdiction. Let's just say Robin is the reason I'm a tax activist. If I can take money from Robin's coffers and put it back in the pockets of the job creators - it's a win.

Sadly,  I actually had to argue with the payroll manager a little bit because she thought I didn't know what I was talking about.  I had to track down a tax auditor for the city they own offices in to explain it to them. The city they are licensed in does not have a head tax.  They were able to save a bundle of money and ask for a refund.

Could that be why they kept me?

When it comes to job performance, I don't make as many sales as the trainers.

In the end, it is the sales that count.

*****
I stayed a couple of hours after my shift to talk to the best salesman in the department.

He explained it to me.

They see raw talent.  They see that I can calm anxious people down and that I can sell to people who call to complain.

I just need to be smoother in my presentation and I'll do very well in sales.  He spent two hours mentoring me. 

His advice - go off script but don't let it sound like you're going off script.  The customer has questions he or she doesn't know she has.  Intrigue the prospect.  Get the prospect to beg for more information.  Get them to say yes....yes....yes.

Apparently, my 54% closing rate is actually fairly high considering the shift I work.  I work the hours that customer service is closed, so most of my contacts are customer service related.  I get very few sales calls. 

Apparently, I make the most of the contacts that I have.

If I get the shift the trainers want, I could have their numbers.

*****
Competing with my mentors and taking their shifts is truly an uncomfortable place to be.

I've decided to start looking for another job.

I still don't know how corporate did their rankings.  I don't know where I rank. I don't want to know.

All I know is that corporate decided who to keep and who to fire.  They decided who would get the best shifts.

I don't know what to think.

The more I see people I respect, people who trained me, people who mentor me being fired or ranked lower or given crappy shifts - the more I wonder how I'll be rewarded when I reach those numbers.

You can do too well at a job. I understand now why other companies turned me away for being overqualified.  It's weird when someone you train looks better to corporate than you do.

Wow....

I'd best get to writing cover letters.

Love ya,

S.

Edit two weeks later: I really respect my boss and colleagues.  The operations manager is incredibly smart.  They found a way to keep the trainers happy.  I don't want to give away too much but they see the value in keeping the most productive members of the team happy despite orders from Corporate. 

That means I'll get great training as long as I stay.  The commissions are not very good.  My counterparts at other companies make $210+ for each sale.  I make $5. 

If I learn to sell, the sky is the limit.  The great training is worth the small commissions. 

Thought I'd share. 

 







Thursday, December 17, 2015

The Right Job at the Right Time

Today I am thankful for my insurance gig.


I took the insurance job because I was recently divorced and needed health insurance.  I chose this company because they had pretty good security and I was acquainted  with one of the bosses (because I met him at the Phish concert).

It is three blocks from my hypnosis business.  I work seven days a week, twelve hours a day.  Five days during the week, I play hypnotist.  Four days of the week, I play insurance agent.  The weekends, I do a bit of both. 

I never thought it was going to come in handy.

It did yesterday.

My uncle married a greedy lady.  I know it's not nice to say but it's the truth.

When my mother died, my maternal aunt took me in.  She didn't want to be a mother so she gave absconded leaving me to live with my maternal uncle.

He traveled a lot.  I spent most of my teenage years basically alone.

When I was sixteen, my uncle met a redheaded Russian woman.

She was abusive.

One day, my step-father and I overheard her bragging to a cousin saying "when the old man dies, we will get everything" during my grandparent's 50th anniversary party.

We told my grandfather.

He changed his will.

She became incredibly abusive.  She'd dig out my tampons from the trash and put them around the house right before company came over.  Then she'd embarrass me.

I told my uncle.  He called me a liar.

Still in high school and too young to enter into a legal agreement, I moved out of the house and into a scary part of Denver.

I visited my grandfather three days a week.

One day, when I was 24, his speech was slurred.  I called a friend who told me to call his Medical Power of Attorney because my Grandfather had a stroke.

I called my aunt so she could tell my uncle.

While my grandfather was in the hospital, my uncle and greedy wife sold his house, all of his belongings and used the money to build an addition to their home. I bought what I could afford to buy to give back to my grandfather.  I bought his favorite clock and things he cooked with.  I returned them.

My uncle and his wife were punished by the city - the city valued their addition at $500,000.  Their home was previously assessed at $60,000.  Their taxes skyrocketed.

I guess that was Karma.

Grandfather recovered from the stroke and had no where to go.  He wound up living with my uncle and his wife.  He would tell me that his money was gone and that my uncle's wife would demand money from him daily. 

He didn't live very long after that.  When he died, they tried to give me 1/8 of the insurance money (my mother's portion divided in two for my sister and I).  My sister and I were too pissed off at my uncle to take it.

I honestly thought of the money as blood money.  In my mind, it was cursed.

If you see the painful things happening in my uncle's life, you might think it was cursed, too.

*****

Well.....I've avoided my relatives because of the stalking and the crazy crap in my life.  They didn't want to hear about it.  I'd talk to them about being stalked by my in-laws and they would hang up me.  Yeah, they're right. I am too negative.

I keep to myself.

I got a frantic call the other day from a relative.  The aunt who abandoned me as a child was in the hospital. 

She didn't have a stroke.

They think she had sleep apnea and didn't wear her oxygen.  She awoke and fainted.

My uncle and his wife were talking about selling my aunt's house to hide the money from Medicaid*.

Now.....my aunt is smart.  She designated my twin nephews as her Medical Powers of Attorney.  One is in medical school.  She always rescued them when their mother was in trouble.  That woman raised them.  She is, for all intents and purposes, their psychological mother.

Their mother manages a skilled nursing facility. She gave them a list of resources.

My uncle and his wife were still talking about selling my aunt's house.

They don't know what is wrong with her.  They insist that they have to sell her house and hide the money so that Medicaid will pay for her nursing home care while she recovers and home health services if needed. 

I asked why they were jumping the gun.

I was told it was because her insurer (an HMO) does not cover skilled nursing care or home health services for Medicare recipients.  Medicare requires it.  People get at least 100 days of skilled nursing care under Medicare.  The first 20 days are at no cost (after deductibles).  The trick is to make sure that one has been in the hospital for at least three days as an inpatient.

I asked who her carrier was.

I sell for that carrier.  In fact, I sell many of the policies that my aunt holds on a weekly basis. 

The first twenty days at a skilled nursing facility is $0.
Days 20-100 have a $40 co-payment.

Part time home health services are covered for home bound seniors with a physician's approval at no cost.

I asked them to download the Evidence of Coverage and look it up for themselves.

As I spoke, my relative felt reassured.  We need to wait until the diagnosis has been made.  We need to remind my uncle who holds the Power of Attorney for my aunt.

My relative remarked that it was great that I held that job at that time. 

I was able to give them the confidence to stand up to my uncle and his wife.

Everything happens for a reason. 

If I hadn't stormed out of a concert crying because my boyfriend left me alone in the stands, I wouldn't have met my boss.

I wouldn't have known how to motivate my relatives to stand up to my uncle and his wife.

Couldn't they at least wait until a diagnosis has been made?

I know that carrier offers second opinions, too.

*****
The funniest part of this story is that my uncle's greedy wife called me to tell me that my uncle wants to talk to me.

I was busy today.  I had a job interview.  I had to answer a subpoena.  I had to get everything notarized and copied so I can send them to a reporter.  I'm still debating going to the press.  Then I had to spend an hour in line at the post office so I could send the lawyer's requested information via certified mail. I had to meet with a mediator who told me that my issue with my ex isn't really a good fit for mediation, she urged me to hire a lawyer.  I had two hypnosis clients.  

I had too many excuses to call my uncle to hear the BS.

I'll call him when we know what is going on.

It makes me wonder.....maybe there is a reason things happen the way they do.

Maybe it's not a bad thing to grab opportunities, even when you're not sure they are what you want.

I wonder why I had to run into Ascension Health......what's the lesson there?

I seriously debated opening a second business under the name Ascension Insurance - just to be a brat.  Years ago, I learned that the best advertising is my name. The problem is that using my name brings out my ex's family.  They scare me.  DBA names are not as good as using your name.

Neither Ascension Health nor Ascension Insurance are registered in my state.  I don't know why they brought me into their argument.  I'm not fun to argue with.  I like to give money to politicians that promise to limit abuses of the law (trademark, subpoena and others).  I also like to fight tax hikes that Catholic organizations demand while complaining publicly about abuse of taxpayer dollars (e.g. Medicare and Medicaid fraud). 

* I applied for a job as a Medicaid investigator several months ago.  I think I may print out some information about how the state tracks down assets that have been hidden and give that to my uncle.

Oh well....my attention has been shifted to things that need repaired in our judicial system.  I guess I guess I can find something useful to do now.


******

I tried to talk to Michael about moving out.  He doesn't want me to move out.  He doesn't want to talk about moving out.  I feel guilty when I try to talk to him. I don't know why. 

He doesn't really talk to me.  He doesn't give me answers.  When I ask what he wants, he tells me it doesn't matter.  I feel like I'm going crazy.  I'm getting depressed.  I can't stop crying.

I'm thinking that the only way for me to stay safe is to cut my losses and give everything to him.

I'm that scared.

I wish I knew what to do.

I asked him to take my name off of the marital checking account.  He said he'd never do that.  I think he's trying to set us up as common law married.  I don't use that account.  He was supposed to sign it over to me -but- he claims to have deposits coming into it, so I won't close it out.

I have no clue what is in it.

I could always keep myself busy fighting wars with stupid people.  It boggles my mind when I think of how many people ruin their lives putting up with dysfunctional people.

I've got too many important things to do right now.

Love ya,

S. 


Sunday, December 13, 2015

Letters from Scientologists (w/ an edit)



Today I am thankful for science fiction.

I grew up in a Trekker household.

Most people referred to us as Trekkies.  The politically correct term was Trekker.

I went to every possible science fiction convention in the area.  I met James Doohan when I was five.  I got lost in a hotel and started crying.  I barely remember the gentle grandfatherly man who consoled me, grabbed my hand, and let me stand next to him at a table while he signed papers. 

I remember his hand.  He was missing fingers.  He didn't say anything about it.  He gave me some water and told me to stand next to him and he'd find my family for me.  Sure enough, my aunt came to the front of the line to get his autograph.  I vividly remember her yelling at me for bugging the star of the attraction.

Later, I would learn the man's identity.  He was Scotty.  He didn't sound like Scotty.  He didn't look like Scotty.  He was a kind man who, to this day, influences me when I see a child lost in a store looking frightened. 

I also met Nichelle Nichols briefly when I was twelve.  She's beautiful.  She literally sparkles.  I don't see Uhura in her so much as I think of Rosa Parks or Dr. Martin Luther King.  I have so much admiration for her after she spoke about being the first woman of color on television who was in a position of power.

I just took it for granted that women, even black women, could be educated and fill important rolls.  I wasn't aware that there was a time minority women were portrayed as victims or prostitutes.  Because of her I fight for the underdog and I am not afraid of aging.  Aging can be beautiful.  I hope I shine as brilliantly as her.

Every time I get a newsletter from the Scientologists, I laugh a little.

Somehow they found my birth name.  They send me letters addressed to the name on my birth certificate. 

They're not really the cult for me.

If I wanted to be in a cult, I'd invite my stalkerish in-laws in my house for dinner, let them sleep in my car to scare me, give them access to my bank account and perform in front of the camera they put around my house (the one I know about went missing, too).

I tried that.  I hated it. 

L. Ron Hubbard really wasn't my favorite Sci Fi author.  Gene Roddenberry is pretty good.  I'm not sure I like the socialism in his works but I can identify with many of his characters.




If I were to join a cult, I think it would have to be one based on Star Trek.....maybe Deep Space Nine.  If you knew me, you'd know I'm a lot like Benjamin Sisko. I'm fairly mystical in nature and tend to have a lot of crazy coincidences in my life that mess with my sense of reality.  In addition, I don't bluff and I don't put up with crap for very long.  When I get angry, all bets are off.

Nice try, Scientologists.....

I have to decline the invitation to join your cult.  I have enough stalkers in my life right now.  I'm not really a big fan of Hubbard.  I think I know quite a bit about the law of attraction (thinking about solving the stalking brings stalkerish ex husbands into your daily life) and mind control (given that I'm a hypnotist and all).

Hit me up if you decide to live on the set of the Enterprise, B'Hala or even the Holodeck. 

Oh....it would be good to prove that Shelly Miscavige is still alive.  When I hear that story, I wish it were true that I could control dark entities to harm other people and make them behave.  That was a rumor that a mad guy I dated briefly spread around.  Rumors are funny.  After that, no rumor you spread about me would work to control me either. The rumors you Scientologists post on Twitter are transparent; you do that to try to control people you're afraid of losing or talking. 

Been there....done that.  Psychopaths bore me whether I'm dealing with them on a micro level (one on one) or on a macro level (as a group of politicians, dysfucktional in-laws or cult members).

I'm not a good fit for your organization.  I'm too obnoxious to be controlled.

If you want my ex-boyfriend's address, let me know.  I'll leave your newsletter around for Michael, too.  He may enjoy the Sea Org. I doubt he has any assets for you to sift through.  If you touch my assets, I'll find a way to take you down. 

Have a great day.

Cheers,

S. 

02/24/18:  I'm still getting their mailings....sigh....  They must need more cash.  Look, Scientology is dead.  It died when they killed someone and stalked people who left.  Now...I realize that this religion probably started because it's founder wanted to pay less in taxes.

I'll vow to fight the taxes that led him to create the cult... I beg them to stop inundating me with the brochures.

I'm building a vexation box.  I think the intention will be to take down the names of the people put within by exposing their wrongdoings.  If I so much as get one more mailer, that organization and the name of it's current head will be the second and third name in my box: the first name will be that of a mass murderer who has yet to see real justice. 

I really hate domestic violence.  I hate it when women go missing.  The Scientologists never did prove that Shelly Miscavige was still alive.  One can guess as to why they can't produce that proof.

I lost my mom to domestic violence in 1984. I was a child and I remember our family scrambling to find money to buy the dress she would be buried in.  If I had one superpower, I would rid the world of assholery -but- I'm just an alleged red-headed Irish witch.

It would be wise to stay out of my line of sight.

B!tchy Witchy S.



Saturday, December 12, 2015

What I Play When I'm Pissed




Today I am thankful for my Vintage Peavey T-40.
Well....I tore my nails up.
I don't play as well as I used to play.

As a teen, this was my go to stress relief song.  In college, I got offers to play lead guitar in bands because I was fast...but I'm not a guitar player.  I play bass because I want to feel the music. 
I'm old now.  It's a bad sign when you put down your bass because building an app would be less frustrating. Yes, I'm trying to build an app.  I just can't figure out what to give people; free hypnosis recordings? Coupons?
When I know, I'll build it.  I'll probably get 2/3s of the way through it and wind up paying someone to fix it for me.
That's how I roll.  I'm weird that way. 
I fall in love with basses more than men.
I feel in love two weeks ago.  It was hard to walk away from this hottie.
So...the next time I do something seemingly impossible, I'll splurge on bass lessons. 
There is one silver lining to being stalked for so long.  Dealing with other issues seems incredibly easy.  Nothing scares me outside of the stalking....nothing.

Love ya lots,

S.


Thursday, December 10, 2015

Don't Poke a Caged Animal

Today I am thankful for 501c3 financials....the press...and being a brat.
 
 
This morning I tried yet again to speak with Michael about what was going on,
 
why I am afraid,
 
what he wanted,
 
what he expected,  

and what I can do to put an end to the crazy crap.  
 
As I sat there talking to him about being afraid to answer the door.... 
 
there was a knock at the door...
 
it was forceful but not the scary three pound knock that usually precedes some type of property damage.
 
It is Thursday.  The stalker rarely bugs me on Thursdays.   
 
Michael answered the door.  
 
A man wanted me to accept a subpoena.  I told him that I had a stalker and that I was afraid to name my identity.  I asked who hired him. 
 
He refused to tell me.
 
I was shaken.  
 
I was pissed.  
 
I prepared for war.  
 
I dialed the lawyer who sent it to me.....without reading it.  I was furious.
 
I wanted to know..... 
 
Who....hired him?
 
What....were they bugging me for....at home?
 
Why....are they bugging me?   
 
Well....it appears that I use a word on my website, on my business cards, in my marketing and just about everywhere that a Catholic non-profit thinks they own.

That word is "ascension."
 
It's a common word.  An insurance agency is using that word.  A Catholic non-profit is suing the insurance agency claiming that they get to be the sole users of this particular word.

https://dockets.justia.com/docket/missouri/moedce/4:2015cv00283/138117

The insurance agency subpoenaed me so I could prove I've been using that word for years.
 
The Catholic non-profit, Ascension Health, also claims to be the biggest non profit health provider network in the US.  Well, that claim would depend upon how one defines the term "biggest."  

Um......remember that after the divorce, I took a job selling health insurance in numerous states? I did that so I could purchase my own health insurance and keep my small business. 

Ascension Health may have the most hospitals but they are NOT the biggest not for profit health care provider in the US.  Kaiser Permanente is the biggest non-profit healthcare system in the US.  Ask an insurance salesperson.....she'll know.  This sales person also knows that CMS doesn't approve of the use of superlatives (e.g. biggest) nor are they forgiving when misinformation is being given to people in the community.

What Ascension Health wrote on their website may be a Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Service (CMS) violation.  Maybe I can calm down by scouring their website for more potential CMS violations and reporting them. 

I'm too late.  CMS already has them on their radar.  This story is sad.  They neglected impoverished elders enrolled in a government funded all inclusive care program!  Ooooh.....I'm even angrier now.

http://www.modernhealthcare.com/article/20151123/NEWS/151129974

They've been sued by the Department of Justice.

http://www.fiercehealthcare.com/story/doj-settles-450-hospitals-250m-over-false-claims-act-allegations/2015-10-30

The sad thing is that I'm not sure CMS cares.  I am being told by elders that sales people for a rather large Medicare Part C insurer are trying to trick them into enrolling on outbound calls in Virginia. They are called with a robotic pitch and told to push on two in order to enroll now.  That's a CMS violation.  No one at the Virginia Department of Insurance bothered to return my inquiries as to how to report.

I thought it was my duty to report these types of things. 

On the bright side, I heard those stories during open enrollment.  They could simply choose another Part C plan and enroll cancelling out the one they didn't want.  Medicare has a list of options on their website (or they could call 800-633-4227 24/7 for options).  Now their only option to switch is to choose a five star plan or qualify for a special enrollment period.

Elders have more life experience than we do; many of them won't tolerate these kind of abuses.

*****
It appears that I have been subpoenaed in a Trademark Bullying case. The last thing someone like myself should do is stand silent.

http://www.businessnewsdaily.com/813-trademark-enforcement-bullying.html  

*****
 
I'm debating going to the press with the subpoena.  You know what?  It's Christmas.  This health care network takes in millions of dollars of donations.  People are so very generous this time of year.  If they knew this organization was hassling people over a word....spending thousands of dollars suing them.....would they choose to send their money elsewhere?

Money used to sue people is not going to their stated mission. 

When it comes to donations, I wish I had more money to give to the local union of taxpayers.
 
The reason is that this health care network.....this religious organization.....is accepting taxpayer funds.

I'm trying to get ahold of their financials now.
 
I'm scheming.
 
I'm incredibly pissed. 

The group sued a fellow group of insurance agents.  Their lawyer subpoenaed me because my hypnosis business name has the same word in it that both businesses use. 

They scared the holy crap out of me.  It was mostly about the timing. 

They could have sent me a letter to my business.  They could have shot me an email.  They could have called. 

No, they had to come to my house....when I'm talking to the guy behind the stalking trying to resolve it...and I'm used to being punished by his relatives when I try to talk to him and figure out what is going on.

I'm terrified of answering the door at home.

The lawyer apologized for scaring me and told me to go to the police.  I have.  I've gone numerous times.  What I need is hard core proof for a judge.  I need a camera that won't break or go missing or whatever the heck happens to them.  I'll deal with it.  I don't feel like I'm ever going to get away.  Since Tuesday, I've found that I can't stop shaking or crying.

The last thing I need is dinky harassment from an entitled charity. The word this so-called charity thinks it owns is a common word. 
 
This little  drama caused a process server to interrupt me while trying to talk to Michael to set up a timeframe for moving on with the hopes of fixing the stalking in my life.  Ugh...now I am being given the impression that a very old word meaning "rising up" cannot be used in my business because some Catholic organization thinks it owns the rights to the sole use of it.  They are harassing other health insurance producers for using this word that I use in my hypnosis practice.

The lawyer who subpoenaed me didn't know I was a licensed insurance agent.  He found my hypnosis websites.

You cannot....let me repeat....you cannot hold others to obeying your trademark for common words.  You can get away with harassing people over trademark coined words and coined phrases.  If you have a distinctive meaning to the word, you could get away with that.  To go and harass people over a word that is commonly used in health care, psychiatric circles and among self-help gurus is a tad bit over the top.

Sure, you can open the dictionary and trademark "is" or "transformation" or "ascension" - but you can't run around suing people for using those words in sentences.  Lawyers are happy to take your money. 

Activists and people who don't want to be harassed will balk if they find you're wasting taxpayer funds bugging the heck out of them.  Hint - never boss around a self-described libertarian activist. 

I was livid with the knock on my front door.  When I saw who was behind it, I was even angrier.

A non-profit?  Seriously? 

THEY ARE WASTING TAXPAYER DOLLARS!!  They could put the money they are using causing legal trouble back into the care of their patients....but no....let's harass small business owners, who in turn, annoy some pissed off stalking victim trapped with her ex.  Let's waste her time.  Let's scare her.

I guess it's easy for an organization to behave that way with other people's money.

If they were a for profit enterprise, would they be a little more fiscally astute?

They claim to be a non-profit.  I need to find their legal expenses.  I live with an unemployed stalker....maybe he can find some hidden tidbit for me.  I don't sit and stew.  I take action.

http://ascension.org/about/community-and-investor-relations
 
I'm scheming....It also looks like I'm going to need to do more research on 501c3s. I never knew they could have investors. It would seem like something a political activist needs to know.

I wonder if this Catholic organization has ties to an expensive tax proposition in Colorado to fund something they call Colorado Care.  I guess I can research that, too.  Perhaps both groups have many of the same donors or board members.  Maybe I have just discovered the means to kill the measure.  I met with a Catholic charity five years ago and they were trying to influence lawmakers into helping them increase taxes for a healthcare organization.  If Ascension Health exemplifies the care Coloradoans would get under such systems, it'll be easy to beat the measure.

Here's a tip: Don't harass strangers, especially when you have no clue who they are.  If you do that, at least Google their names and scroll down to see the common search terms used to find them. 
 
I'm sure there is something that can be done.  Taking away money from these idiots and their lawyers would be a huge task and certain to keep me too busy to deal with my ex and his family.

Mike scared the heck out of me. The lawyers just got in my face at the worst possible moment.

*******

Mike is maintaining his innocence.  I don't believe him anymore.  Too much has happened in recent months. I was told that he was fired because I called him during his business trip minutes after I hung up with the police after a guy banged on the door, turned on the water spigot and cut the hose.  Ten minutes after he said that....he denied saying that.

It's been like this all week.  The emotional abuse had been tough to bear.  I feel like a stranger in my own home.

I notice things that are moved around in the garden.  I hear all the knocks on the windows and I don't know if it is my imagination or not. I am in fear.  I want to move.  I am afraid.

For now.......
 
I have to dig up my documents, put them on a zip drive, drive to a copy shop, and mail them to a lawyer.
 
 
Consider it done.
 
 
However......my ire is with a Catholic organization ......engaging in trademark bullying......that is accepting large donations.....and taxpayer funds....and putting our elders at risk.

*****
 
I have a better idea.
 
Let's take away their mad lawyer money. Let's gut their funding.  Let's educate the taxpayers. 

They picked the wrong name to claim to own.  It would have been best if I had been left ignorant of the lawsuit and able to spend this morning planning a mediation with my ex.

But no.....

I had to dig up documents to submit to a lawyer defending someone in a similar occupation from a trademark bully.

I have a more pressing legal problem at the moment.  I'm terrified. I have to play meek and quiet to survive.  To survive, I have to be isolated and hidden.  I'm hurting right now. 

I think there is some mental issue at play with Michael. I am realizing that mediation won't work.  I'll have to sell the house out from under him.

I am working on a post to describe the terror I felt on Tuesday while trying to solve the stalking issue.  It was six hours of frustration and horror.  In sum, when I try to ask what he wants, he'll rotate between silent tears, defensive yelling, guilt tripping me or hitting things. I should have called the police.  I can't find the words to describe it.  When I do...I'll share.  Mike is still living here.  I am frightened.  He isn't working now.  If I demand that he leaves will bad things happen? 

He says he wants me back.  Years ago, I told him he would need therapy to stay with me.  It's never going to happen.  He's never going to go.  I need to find a way out of this mess.

He told me that he had found a new therapist. I was hoping his new therapist would help him gain clarity.  He never saw this new therapist.

I am trying to get us into mediation again.  The deadline for that is January 9th, 2016. 

The stalking takes precedence over everything in my life.  I am feeling trapped with my ex; he lost his job and has no where else to go.  I am feeling trapped by the stalking; if I do things my stalkers don't like I get harassed.  I'll be damned if some self-righteous tools bug me. I have a bias.  I think of the Catholic church as a "demonic" organization.  I light candles, incense, and pray to immortals, too.  I'm called demonic for that. 

As a Pagan, I don't have an issue with "demons."  I do have an issue with self-righteous Catholics - as my stalkers claim to be Catholics who never go to church.  I also take issue with a-holes who waste taxpayer funds on frivolous lawsuits.

I wish Ascension Health loses an anti-trust lawsuit and is forced to sell off some of its holdings swiftly.  They keep buying other health companies up.  I saw an article saying that they were eyeing the insurance market.  For this reason, I suspect that this Ascension Insurance business is their next target. They couldn't buy them out because they're privately held.  I'm wondering if they're trying to sue them to end them.

This is a little bit weird....Whenever religious people bug me, I secretly wonder if they'll buy the same crap Steve spouted about me?  Will they stop being stupid if they think a possessed Pagan sent demons after them? If I'm called to testify, I'll wear an upside down Pentagram.

Again....if I could control demons....the world would be a better place...because they'd be banished.  That was a silly piece of gossip for Steve to spread.  If you see the car I drive, you'd know I have no supernatural power. 

Demons don't scare me.

Crazy, self-entitled people scare me. 

They scare me more when I am stuck within a crazier situation.

Maybe my thinking would be clearer if I weren't freaked out and crying.

An apology and a dropped lawsuit might calm me down.  If they can sue one business or group of insurance agents, what is stopping them from suing me?  

Now that I think about it....with all the legal trouble they're seeing, perhaps it would be best for Ascension Health to rebrand.  

I want to rebrand.....after the stalking ends.  I'm keeping my name until then.  I don't know if I want to share the word ascension with a group that neglects their elderly patients.

I'd be shocked if these sue happy lawyers win a lawsuit forbidding insurance agents from using the word "ascension."

http://www.lanepowell.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/glazera_007.pdf

This is the wrong time to harass me. 


*****

I've been crying since Tuesday.  I need to find a way to stop.  I hate to say it but I may simply need to sell my house out from under my ex.  The lies confuse me.  I know I'm never going to get away.

I don't need any other self-righteous weirdoes making things harder for me.

Let me get out my vexation box and comb a website for CMS violations.  It'll calm me down.

Hell hath no fury like an angry redhead.      

Love ya,
 
S. 

Edit:  This is interesting.  Ascension Health has a trademark for "Ascension Health" and "Ascension Health, Inc."

Maybe I'll see what it takes to snag the trademark for "Ascension."

$275 in taxes legal fees and my lawyer will do it for $69.

I'm a licensed health insurance agent (40 hours per week).  I am also a behavioral health provider (30 hours per week). I use the word ascension on all of my business cards.

The color of their logo resembles mine.  Can I sue?

No, I'm not a wasteful a-hole. 

My beef is with the wastefulness and the neglect of our seniors.  Pagans revere our elders.  I'm pissed at the disrespect shown towards those who made this country great. 

I miss being an activist fighting tax hikes.  Maybe this Ascension lawsuit business woke me up.  You don't get to rip off the taxpayers and act like unrepentant a-holes.

Never.....wake up sleeping activists....ever.

I guess it's time for me to resurrect the bully blog.  I shut it down because the city lawyers who broke the law  asked me to.  I decided that it would be easier to embark on a campaign for mayor and tell the community what they were doing.

The election has been over for four years.  People are still coming to me with stories of illegal fines meant to bully people over 40 into quitting their jobs. 

I'll put it back up with a new post next week. 

I'm tired of staying quiet due to bullies. 

I'm too old to play games.


 


Saturday, November 21, 2015

The Problem of Stalking and Controlling Relationships

Today I am thankful for the insight of my psychotherapist.
 
 
Psychotherapists typically see other psychotherapists just as a matter of course.
 
 
I've spend most of my adult life in psychotherapy.  It helps.
 
 
It is not uncommon to have a client bring in an issue that uncovers your own.  At that point, one needs to go see someone to work through their stuff in order to be present with his or her clients.
 
 
I have a therapist. 
 
 
She resembles Shannon in many ways.....she is shorter and much skinnier.
 
 
She has Shannon's voice, hair color and style.
 
 
She doesn't have Shannon's smirk.
 
 
I've seen her for a about a year or so.
 
 
I stopped practicing psychotherapy for two years when the stalking made its way to my office and other therapists as well as the billing specialist were harassed.  I went back into private practice in 2013 but took clients by referral only.
 
I've only started advertising again this year.
 
My therapist and I talk about soundproofing the walls. 
 
We talk about our contrasting styles and how our decorations connect with our clients.  How she likes to choose things that say "I understand you."  She also went to college in Washington.  She is now in the doctoral program I fled when the stalking followed me to campus. Her decorations resemble the colors of her college mascot.  She also has numerous photos of sights and tourist attractions in our neighborhood.  She wants to be seen as a trusted confidant and neighbor.
 
I like to keep my office decoration minimal.  My intent was to keep the conversation pieces out of my office.  I do have positive affirmations painted on my walls. I have abstract art.  My intention was to have people come in and start talking about their needs without their small talk about being influenced by the décor.  Often abstract art can be used as a mini Rorshach test.  People sharing their opinions about pieces can shed light on where they are in life and what they are going through.
 
The therapist I share my office with says that she can see my personality in the decor despite my desire to keep myself out of it.  It is positive.  It is bright and sunny despite my attempts to keep it black and white. 
 
The candy.....the cough drops....the free pens....and magnets with the affirmations on them.....all say.....I care.
 
I tried.
 
One thing psychotherapists are great at is pointing out those areas where you are lacking insight.  By this I mean those things that are so obvious that other people can see them but they are invisible to you.
 
These are the blind spots.
 
My therapist, Mary, pointed out a big blind spot.
 
She asked why every surveillance camera that was brought into this house goes missing or breaks quickly.
 
I don't know.
 
Maybe they are cheap?
 
I told her that I bought several surveillance cameras.  Last week, while perusing Amazon, I bought one for the children that constantly monitors people who come to the door.  It has a motion sensor and snaps a picture at the slightest movement.  That way, they will never be scared again when someone comes to the door pounding on it while I am away.
 
I told my ex-husband about the camera.  I said that he could open that box and install it if he wanted to.  It was for the safety of the children.
 
There are things that I did not say.  There are deliveries that will not come to the house. I cannot write about those.  Let's just say, I want to put an end to the mystery NOW.
 
My therapist asked me if I was concerned that the new camera would be broken if I told my ex-husband about it.  I responded that I had to tell him about it.  The monitor would be in plain sight so the kids could use it.
 
Well......I should have listened to my therapist.
 
Last night, I arrive home from my insurance sales job around midnight.  I sell in Hawaii.  When it is midnight here, it is 8:00 p.m. here.  That makes for a long night.
 
Michael told me that the camera I ordered for the front door was missing parts and cannot be installed correctly.
 
I don't know if Amazaon screwed up or if my ex doesn't want the camera installed.
 
No matter......I've got something else up my sleeve.  I wish I could write about it because I think it could help someone in my situation.
 
All I will say is this.....they have numerous cameras for front doors.  You can go to Amazon or Ebay and order a peep-hole camera which snaps a picture when someone knocks on the door.  You can buy a doorbell camera that snaps a picture when someone rights a door bell.  You can buy a mini-camera the size of a paper-clip that has a motion sensor and a 32gb memory card - it will record if it senses motion.  There are a lot of things you can do. 
 
Just don't do what I did.....don't tell the person the police say is stalking you that you have a camera because it could be disabled.
 
If I have any other tips, I'll share.
 
Love ya,
 
S.
 
P.S.  I vow to research stalking and computer safety.  When I find something helpful, I will post the link.  I'm also putting together a Stalking Safety Tips pin group on Pinterest.  Right now, it is listed under my business name but maybe I can put it under the name Siegfred Smith.
 
There is one other thing.  I have noticed that the stalking picks up when I use Facebook.  I stopped posting and haven't had an issue since.  The stalker could harass me when it looks like I'm reaching out to other people. It could also be that s(he) is monitoring my page and reminded to harass me when s(he) sees my name pop up in their feed.   I don't know.   My friend count jumped when I became involved I politics - most of these people are not my real friends, they are frenemies.  They use Facebook to keep tabs on me and dig up dirt.  I don't really do anything interesting enough to create a scandal.
 
There are perks to being boring.
 
Love ya lots,
 
S

Friday, November 20, 2015

Document, Document, DOCUMENT!

Today I am thankful for the ability to document stalking crap.


My brand new ultra-expensive 32 gb Samsung phone has been hacked.

At least, I think it was.  It will flash various screens while it sits on the table charging.  It should be silent and off when I am not using it.

I fell asleep for five hours, when I awoke the phone was flashing.

*****
I'm trying to remember all of the weird stuff that has been going on this week so I can write it down to remember it.

I apologize for this being so choppy.  I've been working twelve hour days selling insurance and providing hypnosis services.

If you want a boon in business, put an ad on a coupon website.  You don't make any money (they keep most of it) but it's a good way to get the word out about your services.

I built a new website and a web app. They are pretty spiffy! 

I'm busy.  I'm tired.

I need a place to document this.
*****
On Sunday, November 14th - I awoke to find that someone had opened the back gate.  I have so many locks on that thing - NO ONE should be able to open it from the outside.

*****
Two week ago, I discovered that the web cam on my computer was disabled.

Not a big deal, right?

Well.....the web cameras are inaccessible on all of the other computers in the house.

ALL OF THEM.

Every single one. 

There are six computers in this house.  There are five tablets in this house.

I'm going to run to my office in twelve hours (after my insurance shift is over) to check my work computer and tablets there.

This is  scary.  Can someone hack your computer camera so you cannot use it?

I'll have to make a mental note to research that.

It sure makes Skype conferences impossible!

******
I'm realizing that Michael is the stalker.

He has to be.

I saw my phone acting up and I asked him if he touched it.

If he touched it, it would explain why the screen was not in screensaver mode.

He yelled at me claiming that I didn't trust him.

He's right.  I don't.

I am just trying to figure out what is going on and find a solution.

If he touched the phone, it's not a big deal.

If he didn't, I should scared.

Why would he yell at me for trying to reality check a scary event?

Ugh...

I asked him to move.....again.

I don't feel safe right now.

We'll see.

I am realizing that if Mike wasn't stalking me, he'd probably be as scared as I am.  He is not concerned about it.  He doesn't like trying to solve the problem.  He ignores me when I try to solve the stalking problem.

An innocent man would not ignore me when I mention a desire to move out of this house.

I'm an idiot.

I believed the wrong person.  I disbelieved the wrong people (the cops).

Oh, and the ceiling fan that overlooks my bed suddenly stopped working three years ago ('bout the time Michael claimed a camera was in there).

My spy camera detector picks up wifi waves.  With all the tech in the house, it's hard to determine where a spy camera would be.

I don't know what to do....

except to move.

I don't know what I am dealing with, exactly.

That is what makes it dangerous.

If I could prove that it was Michael, I'd feel less afraid.

The only proof I have points to Douglas V. V3ga (who moved from Golden, Colorado to within a half mile of my home).  Doug was dating Michael's sister Shannon.  I've only met him once - when he grabbed me in public and called me "Satan." 

I have caught him watching me at various points over the years.  No words were spoken - he and Shannon just.....watched.

Why?:

Did Michael ask them to do that?

*******
There is another thing......it's kinda strange.

Several of this blog's posts are missing, too.

I guess it is time to change the password.

Yikes!

My computer is probably infected.

Damn it.

This is insane.

It really is.

Please.......if you think you are being stalked......trust your instincts.

The police officer told me that it is always the "person you'd least expect."

She's right. 

He was.
*******
I have done a couple of things to try to catch the stalker in the act so I can go to the police with proof.

I can't tell you about them now.

When it works, I'll share my method - so you can use it to stay safe, too.

If you want inexpensive spy gear - try Amazon and Ebay.

They have a lot of nanny cams in the form of coat hooks and pens.

I share that because I didn't buy any of those.

I have something better.

That's all I'm going to say for now.

Stay safe!  

Love ya,

S.

EDIT SOMETIME LATER:  I do have an old tablet that Michael doesn't know about.  It was hidden under piles of size 8 clothes in my bedroom.  The camera still works.  Only the computers were tampered with.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

My Resignation Letter To the Libertarian Party

Today I am thankful for closure.
 
Warning: This is a serious post - for once. 

I am sharing my resignation letter to the Libertarian party.  I was told that I needed to send one in, so I sent an email to the Records Director and asked if he wanted me to mail it.  I never received a response. 

I do know that they are getting the message.  They have finally put an ad forth to find someone to take my place.  I was told that they would probably fold the group because people are not participating.

Why would that be?
Why would people join the party and hesitate to take action?
Perhaps they feel like they won't get anything done? 
Perhaps they feel alienated?

We need to find out why and change our ways. People cease to be motivated when they do not see results for their efforts, don't feel appreciated or find themselves slandered for doing the best that they can.

Yes, I am still bothered by the very public smear campaign against the man in Florida.  I thought this party was above that.

In talking to fellow therapists, my staying with the party after Adrian Wyllie harassed a man some claim to be mentally ill could harm my career.  It is unfortunate that the story went viral and hit the local papers. People want to know if I have spoken out about it.  I can't really without making the candidate seem to be mentally ill.

I don't know if he's insane or a genius that doesn't hold Libertarian ideals.

Now, as Pagans, we learn quite quickly that there is a fine line between genius and insanity. 

The ego is that line.

 If one lets his or her ego get in the way, he and she can get into crazy territory quite quickly**.  Belief is a powerful thing.  It can help us reach new heights.  If we take it all too seriously or think we are more than others, we can do great harm to ourselves and the people around us.

This man may not be mentally ill.  His ego may have taken hold of his beliefs.  Wyllie may be tired of losing so he lashes out like a childish bully.  Maybe both of them are acting out of ego.  Maybe my leaving is acting out of ego.  I don't know. 

Truth be told, I don't need a political label to sit in meetings and give ideas about fighting tax hikes and poor government policy. 

As far as being tired of losing, I never really thought of myself as a loser.  The groups I have been involved in have won everything we sought to achieve.  We were multi-partisan and we always won.  Alone I am nothing.  In a group, especially a multi-partisan group, things can get done.

I was asked a few days ago to teach some activists how to use covert hypnosis to give speeches. I can't find a colleague who has a group in the area, so I'm putting together a course and a practice group for them.  I'm hoping someone with more time steps up....if not....well....

I still have ways to fill my time.  I'm just sad it came to this.

I thought I joined the Party of Principle.  If thought-crimes are punishable by public shaming and we don't feel empathy for people who may have mental illness (or that we mock for being crazy in the press), we lack those principles we claim to have.

If it is a matter of one bad apple, consider censuring him before he ruins the bunch.  All it takes is one poisonous personality to ruin it for everyone else. 

I will still find a way to do what I like to do, the political label won't change who I am. 

Here is the letter:

***************

It is with great sadness that I write this letter to indicate my resignation from my role as ******* ******* ******* with the Libertarian Party of ***************. I am no longer qualified to perform the duties assigned to me.

I did not make my decision to change my party affiliation lightly.  What I have witnessed play out in Florida has plagued my mind.  It appears that our party leadership approves of the public persecution of individuals for mere thought crimes.  

For a psychotherapist like myself,  the Non-Aggression Principle means more than disavowing physical aggression against others.  It includes such things as emotional abuse, cyber-bullying, and public harassment.  The act of sending out a press release with the intention to engage in a smear campaign against a candidate hopeful (e.g. shaming someone for college assignments and calling former religious colleagues to dig up dirt to air publicly in the press) is a form of public harassment. If we suspect a candidate has a mental illness, as was suggested in several articles, the very last thing we should do is run to the press. We have other options that are less dangerous to that person's mental health (e.g. NOTA).

It is unclear to me how the Senate hopeful from Florida broke the Non-Aggression Principle. Sure, he wrote a lot of offensive things. I did not see where he actually attacked anyone.  On the other side of the coin, I can find another instance where the former chair of the Libertarian Party of Florida allegedly engaged in the cyber-bullying a Libertarian Gubernatorial hopeful who threatened to engage in a lawsuit  (circa 2010- 2013).

In organizations, the silence of the leadership on such issues lends an air of covert approval.  The deafening silence helped me see that the party is going down a road that I cannot follow.  Until the situation corrects itself, or the national party makes a statement about the issue or even censures the former chairman of the Libertarian Party of Florida, I will cease to donate my time, energy or money to the Libertarian Party..

Additionally, sensationalizing a rare behavior and pairing it with a religious label can be offensive to individuals who identify with that label and do not engage in such behavior.  My step-father identified as Native American.  Pagan practices were common in my household growing up.  I found the manner in which this controversy presented itself to be offensive: I humbly suggest that the party leadership and affiliates put out a message of inclusion to libertarian minded folks.

Let me be clear. We cannot win a race by sabotaging members who want to play on our team. We need to model respectful political discourse.  We can attack ideas without attacking the people presenting them.  We can have public debates without running to the press with what amounts to little more than gossip.  

Sincerely,

S.


 

 

Place for Documentation

  When I was a kid, I wanted to be a pilot.  My stepdad would talk about flying into Germany during World War II.  I'd spend my weekends...