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The Problem of Stalking and Controlling Relationships

Today I am thankful for the insight of my psychotherapist.
 
 
Psychotherapists typically see other psychotherapists just as a matter of course.
 
 
I've spend most of my adult life in psychotherapy.  It helps.
 
 
It is not uncommon to have a client bring in an issue that uncovers your own.  At that point, one needs to go see someone to work through their stuff in order to be present with his or her clients.
 
 
I have a therapist. 
 
 
She resembles Shannon in many ways.....she is shorter and much skinnier.
 
 
She has Shannon's voice, hair color and style.
 
 
She doesn't have Shannon's smirk.
 
 
I've seen her for a about a year or so.
 
 
I stopped practicing psychotherapy for two years when the stalking made its way to my office and other therapists as well as the billing specialist were harassed.  I went back into private practice in 2013 but took clients by referral only.
 
I've only started advertising again this year.
 
My therapist and I talk about soundproofing the walls. 
 
We talk about our contrasting styles and how our decorations connect with our clients.  How she likes to choose things that say "I understand you."  She also went to college in Washington.  She is now in the doctoral program I fled when the stalking followed me to campus. Her decorations resemble the colors of her college mascot.  She also has numerous photos of sights and tourist attractions in our neighborhood.  She wants to be seen as a trusted confidant and neighbor.
 
I like to keep my office decoration minimal.  My intent was to keep the conversation pieces out of my office.  I do have positive affirmations painted on my walls. I have abstract art.  My intention was to have people come in and start talking about their needs without their small talk about being influenced by the décor.  Often abstract art can be used as a mini Rorshach test.  People sharing their opinions about pieces can shed light on where they are in life and what they are going through.
 
The therapist I share my office with says that she can see my personality in the decor despite my desire to keep myself out of it.  It is positive.  It is bright and sunny despite my attempts to keep it black and white. 
 
The candy.....the cough drops....the free pens....and magnets with the affirmations on them.....all say.....I care.
 
I tried.
 
One thing psychotherapists are great at is pointing out those areas where you are lacking insight.  By this I mean those things that are so obvious that other people can see them but they are invisible to you.
 
These are the blind spots.
 
My therapist, Mary, pointed out a big blind spot.
 
She asked why every surveillance camera that was brought into this house goes missing or breaks quickly.
 
I don't know.
 
Maybe they are cheap?
 
I told her that I bought several surveillance cameras.  Last week, while perusing Amazon, I bought one for the children that constantly monitors people who come to the door.  It has a motion sensor and snaps a picture at the slightest movement.  That way, they will never be scared again when someone comes to the door pounding on it while I am away.
 
I told my ex-husband about the camera.  I said that he could open that box and install it if he wanted to.  It was for the safety of the children.
 
There are things that I did not say.  There are deliveries that will not come to the house. I cannot write about those.  Let's just say, I want to put an end to the mystery NOW.
 
My therapist asked me if I was concerned that the new camera would be broken if I told my ex-husband about it.  I responded that I had to tell him about it.  The monitor would be in plain sight so the kids could use it.
 
Well......I should have listened to my therapist.
 
Last night, I arrive home from my insurance sales job around midnight.  I sell in Hawaii.  When it is midnight here, it is 8:00 p.m. here.  That makes for a long night.
 
Michael told me that the camera I ordered for the front door was missing parts and cannot be installed correctly.
 
I don't know if Amazaon screwed up or if my ex doesn't want the camera installed.
 
No matter......I've got something else up my sleeve.  I wish I could write about it because I think it could help someone in my situation.
 
All I will say is this.....they have numerous cameras for front doors.  You can go to Amazon or Ebay and order a peep-hole camera which snaps a picture when someone knocks on the door.  You can buy a doorbell camera that snaps a picture when someone rights a door bell.  You can buy a mini-camera the size of a paper-clip that has a motion sensor and a 32gb memory card - it will record if it senses motion.  There are a lot of things you can do. 
 
Just don't do what I did.....don't tell the person the police say is stalking you that you have a camera because it could be disabled.
 
If I have any other tips, I'll share.
 
Love ya,
 
S.
 
P.S.  I vow to research stalking and computer safety.  When I find something helpful, I will post the link.  I'm also putting together a Stalking Safety Tips pin group on Pinterest.  Right now, it is listed under my business name but maybe I can put it under the name Siegfred Smith.
 
There is one other thing.  I have noticed that the stalking picks up when I use Facebook.  I stopped posting and haven't had an issue since.  The stalker could harass me when it looks like I'm reaching out to other people. It could also be that s(he) is monitoring my page and reminded to harass me when s(he) sees my name pop up in their feed.   I don't know.   My friend count jumped when I became involved I politics - most of these people are not my real friends, they are frenemies.  They use Facebook to keep tabs on me and dig up dirt.  I don't really do anything interesting enough to create a scandal.
 
There are perks to being boring.
 
Love ya lots,
 
S

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