Today I am both thankful for signs yet confused about what is going on. Can't my local government behave itself? Ugh!!!!
I'd hate to think the only thing I'm known for is being Sue Happy.
Over the past eight weeks, I have received one mail and one text message from two different city employees looking to sue their employer.
One man wrote to me on my hypnosis website stating that he received a right to sue letter from the EEOC and wanted my time. The EEOC only allows people to sue if the complaints are valid.
Someone must have done something epic-ly wrong.
Another woman, somehow, found my personal top-secret telephone number and left me a message today.
She seemed sincere, so I'll give her the names of a few lawyers I know.
As a result of these messages, I thumbed through the 18" stack of legal papers I have left over from my ex's lawsuit against the city.
That was funny. The City Attorney asked my ex to sign a statement that Mrs. [his last name] wouldn't speak the truth of the matter.
Who is his Mrs?
I'm a MS. It's pronounced MIZZZZZ.
You know, like a feminist bumble bee.
MZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Since I didn't sign it, I can say whatever the heck I want to say.
It's still annoying how government lawyers get away with hiding the truth.
I re-read the slanderous testimony of the Ass't. City Attorney (emphasis intended). I re-read the letter from the Supreme Court suggesting that we sue her personally for breaking the law.
I filled myself with old, angry energy. The kind of angry energy that makes black candle flames dip, swerve and blow out glass candle holders.
It's irritating being stuck between two lying asshat narcissistic idiots. My ex lied. The City Attorney and his former Supervisor lied. The Human Resource Director, City Council and former Mayor covered it up.
I hate it when people lie to me. What makes it worse is that I can tell when people lie to me. Discerning what someone is lying about is the hard part.
Don't.....don't make me break out the Jezebel Root.....again.
Just....don't.
I swore off witchcraft.
I wonder what would happen if I paid a buddy conjure a couple of demons to patrol the city building?
It would just be for fun.
No one believes that stuff, right?
It's almost Samhain. It could feel like an authentic ritual.
Truth be told, abusive employers fear unions far more than the superstition of demons. I should just bend the ear of union leadership. The problem with this is that Union leaders also want to push laws that impede qualified people from earning money in this city unless they are members.
I often joke that people fear unions more than demons.
Demons are easier to control than unions.
The hematite placed on the municipal property is still there - thank goodness. It was a protection spell cast for the police and fire department in 2009.
I guess I could pay a coven to re-cast that one. It would be like tithing for me. I'd rather be donating money to help blind people buy smart glasses. I guess I could skip one payment.
Yes, I am a religious nutcase.
Who knows if superstition is real? It feels better giving positive vibes rather than wishing death and destruction on people.
I don't know exactly what is going on in the city I live in. My suggestion to the City Attorney is that he call off his dogs and stop abusing the employees.
He doesn't have to listen to me.
It's just a suggestion.
It takes less time to solve the problem than it does to worry and wonder about it.
Right now....I could use a distraction against the crap the narcissist ex is pulling. Local government officials unintentionally inspired abuse from this guy.
They accused him of abusing me. They claimed he threw me into a wall and repeated this quite a bit in public. They didn't inform the police of the alleged abuse.
They talked about it. They didn't do anything about it. Their inaction taught him that it's okay to abuse a spouse and that there are no consequences to that behavior.
Within a few months, my ex started getting more abusive and stalkerish. He didn't do all of the stalking. He recruited his relatives to do it on his behalf. Someone hacked my phones, my computers and put a gps box on my car. My ex blamed the city.
I don't know. It was my in-laws who kept hassling me in public.
I informed the police.
They never investigated.
Now my ex has the impression he can get away with whatever the heck he wants to do.
The City Attorneys taught my ex that liars prosper in court.
Ugh......
Perhaps there is a reason the word lawyers sounds a lot like the word liars.
I'm unsure how long my ex lying in court is going to last. Eventually a judge is going to tire of the game.
I really.....don't....want to light another black candle.
The last time I cast a spell - one of my stalkers died within a few days of undiagnosed stage four cervical cancer. This person was Michael's sister. She and her boyfriend harassed me unmercifully. It turns out, they lived up the street from me.
The time before that, one of my stalkers died within 24 hours of cancer that was said to be in remission. This was my ex's father. He would drive by the house about the time the kids came home from school.
I hate witchcraft. It scares the heck out of me.
Lighting a candle is one heck of a stress reliever.
When weird stuff happens. We'll never know if it's real or coincidence.
There are truths that I can glean from the weird stuff I've seen over the years.
1.) If you're busy stalking someone, you're not taking care of yourself. This could cause death if you're ignoring your health.
2.) Any man refusing to work a steady job to avoid child support will eventually destroy his career prospects and kill his shot of living the life he desires.
3.) Being an arrogant attorney inspiring others to break the rules will eventually lead to your downfall and the end of your career. Any politician who turns a blind eye to this will wind up paying a similar price, too.
Your downfall will probably not be due to witchcraft -
it would just be due to the natural consequences of stupidity.
I would highly suggest that some people wise up - narcissist or not.
I won't ask for details....this time. Usually, if I'm bothered by something three times, I tend to get too curious for my own good.
That's when bad things happen.
One more contact and I'm in......mark my words. I am a big believer in the concept that the Gods will keep reminding you of problems until you solve them.
I have always been uncomfortable with the manner in which my local government abuses its employees. Perhaps that is why I am here......now. Maybe I need to cut the fictional crap and go to town in real life again.
I sure hope that this isn't the answer to my prayer. I recently prayed for a week asking "what can I do to help the community?"
I would hope it would be something more beneficial than shutting down and/or exposing abusive, lying arrogant city attorneys. I'd rather help those down on their luck find their confidence and self-worth again.
Whatever the Gods put in my path ought to be reckoned with.
I'm going to put this message out into the universe. This is directed to the now unexposed predator breaking the law.
Now, you don't have to listen to me or STOP your bullshit. Just know people are wise to your antics. In this economy, there are far too many smarter, more qualified and ethical people ready to step into your place.
Ah, what the heck - I love the smell of licorice candles this time of year.
Strawberry candles are nice, too. Red candles are said to bring the subject of the rant chant so much prosperity that they leave their position of influence for greener pastures and stop abusing the citizens and employees.
What will it be?
Sadly for a-holes, I like the smell of licorice more.
You've just gotta ask yourself one question.....
does the wicked witch like her licorice
cherry red
or
anise black?
I'm probably just messing with you.
I mean ....... you're not superstitious......are you?
Basically, the scam is to take a low paying job and then submit that as proof of income to the court.
******
I am in the process of hiring a family law attorney.
I took some time to talk to a friend of mine who is a lawyer. He prefers to spend his time helping defendants he feels are being railroaded by the system. He's a defense attorney.
He's been divorced and knows the games people play.
This is what he surmised.
My ex had a very stable job history until 2008. He worked for the same company for nearly 20 years.
This lawyer knew we were having troubles in 2007 because I had hired him for another issue. In fact, he warned me about the stalking and told me to change all of my internet passwords.......in 2007!
He claimed Michael was stalking me despite my insistence that the only person harassing me was Michael's sister. He urged me to file for a divorce immediately because he feared that Michael would raid the retirement accounts.
Yes, this lawyer proved correct. Michael raided the retirement accounts. I estimate about $50,000 to $65,000 has gone missing. I cannot find the paperwork, so I'll never know exactly how much money he took.
I did get a judgment for $15,000 that went missing after we filed for a divorce.
The stalking may have been a means to get information he could barter with during the divorce.
During our conversation today, I mentioned that my ex started calling me his ex-wife in 2007. His uncle died in 2007 and he returned from the funeral calling me Mrs. Erickson.
Erickson was the name of an old high school boyfriend.
I gave my ex the benefit of the doubt. Milton Erickson is the name of my favorite hypnotist so, at first, I assumed that he meant I was a good hypnotist.
I soon learned that Michael was talking to his cousin every day. I went to high school with this cousin and she knew about my old boyfriend and I. In 2007, this cousin claimed to be dating my old boyfriend's neighbor.
Upon reflection, I realized Michael was making a crack at my former relationship and our marriage. That hurt deeply. Despite promises that he would seek counseling, his calling me by a different name felt like a punch in the heart.
My lawyer friend said that it would seem that another lawyer told my ex to leave the high paying job until the divorce was final.
This would explain his firing from the City of Aurora in 2008.
Perhaps my ex engineered what went down with the City of Aurora and purposely failed to meet his collection quota. I'm not a fan of gotcha taxation: It seems unfair to small businesses given the city's alleged focus on compliance rather than review generation. The auditors stated they focused on compliance but after having one of them deposed, I learned that their jobs depended on revenue generation and some of the tactics they used were downright illegal. That was between 2007-2011.
Aurora has new leadership. I'm hoping the illegal and unethical tactics have stopped. I heard from bar owners that auditors would show up with cops demanding to see the accounting books late at night and then citing them for not having them available while threatening to take their liquor licenses. Auditors are supposed to give business owners a realistic amount of time to share their information. A government employee cannot demand it at 2:00 a.m.
Local governments should not force their auditors to collect $500,000 in fines every year.
*My hope is that these type of performance quotas will stop because they breed illegal activity.
Still, the City Attorney had absolutely no business fining us illegally and letting his minion ass't harass me on the phone. I had a little too much fun with them after that.
If they had left me alone, I wouldn't have contributed my skills to the anti-tax groups or play wanna-be politician.
*I hope the activists pass their latest initiative. It'll stop the illegal fines once and for all (for small businesses, city employees, citizens and especially motorists).
There is a lesson there.
To quote Will Smith: "Don't start nothing, won't be nothing."
My ex got a really good paying job at his former employer about the time he filed bankruptcy. I couldn't proceed with the divorce until the bankruptcy was completed. He drug the paperwork out on that. It took three years to get him to comply.
It was over in 2013. I filed for divorce immediately. We signed the paperwork in September. My ex wanted the actual divorce date to be January 2014 so he could claim a nice tax refund.
He was supposed to move out in October 2013. He didn't.
He was supposed to share the marital funds with me by November 2013. He didn't.
He lost this job two years later in September of 2015.
My lawyer friend asked what happened in September of 2015. "Well....I saved up money and was interviewing family law attorneys to help me get Michael out of my house. I rarely went a week without a member of his family harassing me and I was becoming incredibly frightened.
The day before he was fired, a woman called claiming to be with a law firm. She said no lawyer could help me and hung up. Two weeks later, the real lawyer called me and said she was out of town. She apologized for not returning my call. That's when I realized he or his sister had hacked my phone and Gmail account to find out who I called. They spoofed the call to try to derail my attempts to get him out of the house and to get the funds I was awarded in the divorce. When he lost his job, I was afraid to go to court for fear I'd have to pay him alimony as the judge gave us two years to discuss it. I tried mediation but Michael refused to cooperate"
Yeah.......I'm feeling like a fool for having to have someone spell it out to me.
I guess it's not uncommon for irresponsible non-custodial parents to quit their jobs or engineer firings so that they bottom out their income when they're looking at family court drama.
In fact, my ex has claimed to be fired each and every time we had a court date. He lost his insurance job a couple of days after I filed a contempt action against him for refusing to leave my home. He told the judge he hadn't work in over a year. That wasn't true at the time of our hearing. I fear what will happen if he shows up in front of a judge with a copy of his work history.
Now, I'm seeing the game clearly.
It's sad.
It's so very sad.
I don't want to play.
I have the names of three more attorneys. I'll hire the best one.
*******
My attorney friend gave me a pep-talk.
I am in no way, shape or form responsible for finding, printing and returning documents to my ex so he could find a job. In recent months I was asked to get copies of his college transcripts, car title and other things that he left here in a big pile.
I spent hours hunting down these documents. There were times I couldn't find them.
Michael argued with me for taking too much time getting these things to him.
In all reality, Michael can get these things elsewhere. He can go to his college to get the transcripts. He can go to the DMV to get his title.
I don't have to drive to bus stops looking for him to return documents he should keep track of.
I should never have given him my mini-van after the divorce.
I should never have paid for his auto insurance after he was evicted from my house.
I should never have given him money for petrol.
My ex asked for these favors and funds, claiming it would keep him employed so he could pay child support.
He's never paid child support.
I was reminded that he's not a man of his word.
He's never paid a dime.
There is no return for the investment of my time and money.
The favors are just a means to control me and waste my time.
I am to knock it off immediately.
It is so noted.
********
Of course, I cannot repeat any of the conjecture about my ex in court. I only share it so anyone else who follows this blog due to dealing with a controlling person can see the game.
He was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It is one of four disorders that encompass the Cluster B designation (Narcissist, Histrionic, Borderline and Anti-social). Cluster B people tend to be slick. They have an excuse and an explanation for everything.
This where I tell you to trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it usually is. You're not paranoid. You're paying attention.
Maybe this story will help someone get out faster than I did.
I never considered he played games to put himself in dire straights so that he could take control of the post-divorce situation.
Who in their right mind impoverishes themselves to get out of child support and alimony?
Apparently more people do this than I realize.
Oh, and the biggest clue that he had a problem was his constant threat of suicide if I tried to assert myself. Once I asked how he planned to do himself in.
He stated that he wanted to go out the Monty Python way by eating himself to death. That should have been a clue that he wasn't serious.
If an abusive guy threatens suicide, they are most likely trying to control your behavior. I'd get help. You never know if the man is one of those suicidal people that will take you and kids with him so you can be a family again in the afterlife.
Murder suicides are happening far too much.
********
My lawyer friend went on to complete an internet search on the place my ex claims to live.
The internet search was quite revealing. I'm going to keep this stuff to myself until the attorney I hire has a chance to comment on it.
It's probably nothing but conjecture.
It'll probably go nowhere.
I'll share it anyway.
Learning what I did made me feel like I've been played like a chump.
The city didn't do the stuff my ex claimed.
The City of Aurora is NOT paying his rent. He probably told me that in the hopes I'd run to my reporter buddies and make a fool of myself.
Michael claimed that the city was paying for his housing because he was technically homeless.
I meet so many homeless people on Colfax, I'd be incredibly pissed off if the city were paying my ex's rent and letting mentally ill people freeze to death in the cold or suffer from heatstroke in the summer.
******
Maybe I'll write about spending four hours in the ER with a homeless man. That's how I spent the wee hours of my Saturday - with a homeless 55 year old man at a local hospital. This man has an addiction problem - he knew about Aurora Mental Health. He knew about Aurora Warms the Night.
He did NOT know about PATH (a program which offers a path out of homelessness).
He said that his ID, birth certificate and SS card were stolen. He needs those things to access services.
He also said that there are only 50 beds available to the homeless in our city of over 350,000.
He claims there are no lockers to store his IDs and belongings. My understanding is that Aurora was using the money they collect from marijuana sales to fund services for the homeless (providing lockers, help securing documentation, a 4,000 bed shelter, mental health and job services among other things).
I guess I need to do more research. Perhaps these services won't be available for a while.
There are times when I wonder if the Gods put people like the homeless man on my path so I hold the local government's feet to the fire.
The more I have to deal with my ex's antics, the less time I have to push accountability.
The more jobs I have to work, the less time I have for activism.
Maybe the government wants to help my ex be a deadbeat -
or would he be a turnip?
If one plays poor, one cannot pay bills.
He's not a victim. He put himself in this situation by playing games.
In the end, the children will pay the price for his gaming the system.
*******
The lessons from my post are
1.) Be as good to as many people as you can because you never know if they'll be able to give advice in the future.
2.) If your husband starts calling you Mrs. [high school boyfriend's last name], file for divorce before he cleans out the 401K and plays games with his employer. Yes, I found some of his former supervisor's written rants in the paper pile in the basement; aside from her bizarre gossip about me - her stories about his behavior mirror my experience with him.
Most notably she wrote "Michael is playing games."
Yeah....he does that.
So did she. That's why I wasn't sympathetic to her when she lied about me in a public forum. She's a government employee and I was shocked at how much the City Attorney repeated her bogus lies aboout me. The outcome would have been much, much different if she hadn't broken the law in relation to me. I should mention that every wife of a city employee fined was said to have been abused and non-cooperative. Every man fined was said to be abusive. So, the City Attorney is responsible for the lies (and was not just repeating what Michael said). I confirmed with a Union Attorney that this is a strategy used to intimidate employees into quitting their jobs.
Michael's former boss claimed I was being beat but didn't report it to the cops. Mike's boss was dating a cop - they were both city employees. The least she could have done was reported her conjecture rather than use that as an excuse to steal $500 in cash from my family. Tax Auditors and City Attorneys cannot levy fines against their employees as it is against Federal Wage and Hour law. I heard she was fined illegally, too. Illegally fining employees is a horrible way to bolster tax revenues.
I got the best of the situation. I'm not done yet!!! Taking off my blindfold was stupid- I was the last person city leadership wanted to see their illegal shenanigans. I've fought government organizations since I was sixteen years old fighting to get my sister out of an abusive foster home. I've had a heck of a lot of practice being an activist.
Yes, my ex is a bully. The City Attorney is a bully. When two bullies play keep away from a person impacted by the game - the story can get incredibly complicated. Bullies complicate things in the hopes that everyone throws up their hands in frustration and ignores the information. This is WHY bullies win in court - judges and attorneys get frustrated and stop paying attention.
3.) It's okay to say NO to a control freak. They'll promise to do what they are supposed to do if you give up things you need. Don't do it. It's not your responsibility. They won't keep their end of the bargain anyway.
When I share this advice, I'm not only talking about abusive exes. I'm also talking about unethical government employees. Don't give in to their crap.
4.) Spending eight hours in an ER can teach you a lot about your local government. I did some research for the homeless guy today. A city council hopeful gave me the names and resources to share with him. My gut feeling is that I can find him at the local daily lunch provided for the homeless. I wanted to volunteer but the hours conflict with the temporary job I found.
********
I don't know what to do.
I'll keep interviewing lawyers and hire the one that sounds confident in separating the truth from the lies.
I doubt one I hire will tell me what my friend had the nerve to say.
They are ugly, revealing truths.
I only wished I had listened to this lawyer friend ten years ago. It would have saved me a heck of a lot of time and money.
Love ya lots,
S. Next Day Edit: I decided that I didn't want to deal with my ex-husband's crap anymore. My friend's insight stung and I thought it would be best to pass it off to someone who has met him.
The more I reflect on it, the more I realize my ex was screaming for a divorce for well over a decade.
I hired my former attorney again. I like him. He won't care about the conjecture or the games played during the marriage. He'll just wants the facts I can prove. The facts in and of themselves are pretty damning.
He's too much of a gentleman to tell me what my friend told me so I'll let it go.
It dawned on me that Michael is playing games to stay on my radar and continue to get my attention.
I'll let the lawyer deal with Michael's bull crap so I can focus on other things like working two jobs to support the kids. My hypnosis practice is on hiatus so I can focus completely on gaining a new job.
-Also-
The little tidbit about being nice to everyone has paid off. Tomorrow I have my third interview for a job in Golden. It pays $19.50 an hour. I won't work a solid 40 hours a week but I'll get more licenses and have improved job prospects if this company lays me off.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to a street on Broadway that I used to frequent when I was a child.
The thrift shop I used to visit is still there. In fact, the Saturday volunteer remembers me from long, long ago. One of my activist buddies runs the prepper store next door. Down the street is a Native American bead shop that used to buy cow hides from the saddlery in which I worked as a salesperson back in the early 90's.
I used to go to this town every Saturday until I got a job as a salesperson. I found that I made more money on Saturday than any other day of the week.
I chose to work on the weekends.
I decided that I needed more tea. I like the teas and herbs at the bead shop, so I made the trip. My step-father was Cherokee. In my adult life, I find myself taking on some of the Pagan traditions.
I bought bilberry, oris root, sage, sweetgrass, linden flowers and several other herbs.
I started to walk towards the Thrift shop so I could say hello to the clerk.
As I walked down the street, I noticed the ritual candles that I use in my Pagan rituals in a display in the window of a Catholic book store.
At the Pagan store, these candles are $12.
They are $2.95 at the Catholic store. I stopped in and stocked up.
The clerk must've thought I was crazy.
While I was there, I saw this ritual.
I decided to try it.
I'll copy and paste it below.
Yes, I felt a little silly but thought maybe it could put me into a more positive mindset.
Rituals are helpful for me in that they distract me from the things that make me bitch and moan.
If I'm thinking of divine love and mercy, I'm not wanting to strangle people.
******
This is a ritual for three wishes.
I guess I can write what my wishes are and whether or not they came true.
One did already. I'll put a star next to it.
I don't know if these things work because of divine intervention, or belief or the law of attraction.
Maybe we delude ourselves into believing that our wishes come true so that we can rationalize the use of our time and energy.
I guess it doesn't matter.
I was super happy that I didn't complain too much during the entire time the candles burned.
Here is the ritual. I couldn't remember everything I read, so I Googled it and copied this from a website.
*******
Light 3 white candles on a white plate and put sugar all around it. Set a glass of fresh water next to the plate. Put it in the highest place in your house (top of refrigerator, attic, etc).
Ask the archangels for 3 wishes: one for business, one for impossible and one for love.
Do this petition for three days. On the third day publish this prayer. Results should manifest by the fourth day.
Prayer: St. Michael, St. Gabriel, and St. Raphael, please be with me today. Please hear and answer my prayers with your divine grace, intervention, and kindness, I love you all, please help me so that my prayer requests all come true quickly, Amen.
[mention your request here]
Heavenly Father, you have given us archangels to assist us during our pilgrimage on earth. Saint Michael is our protector, I ask him to come to my aid, fight for all my loved ones, and protect us from danger. Saint Gabriel is a messenger for the Good News, I ask him to help me clearly hear your voice and to teach me the truth. Saint Raphael is the healing angel, I ask him to take my need for healing and that of everyone I know, lift it up to your throne of grace and deliver back to us the gift of recovery. Help us O Lord to realize more fully the reality of the archangels and their desire to serve us. Holy Angels pray for us. Amen
********
These were the wishes
1.) A job where I make enough money I won't even care about child support.
I'm still looking as of today. I applied for a job in Arvada that pays more than I've ever made in my life to do the exact same work I did at my previous job. Wish me luck.
* 2.) True love.
This came true. I think my true love is a kitten who wondered on to my doorstep and refuses to leave my side. She's worth the allergy meds. I've posted her picture to numerous websites. No one has claimed her yet. The vet doesn't think she's a year old.
My Facebook friends suggested that we name her Cleopatra.
I'll have to post a picture of Cleo someday (after I'm sure she doesn't belong to anyone else). In the meantime, this is a pic stolen off of Pinterest.
3.) Find something that I'm meant to do to help the community.
There's too much to do. I'll know it when I find it. I figured if I'm going to reach out to angels, I probably should try to be kind to others on some level.
There you go. This is what I've been doing the past three days. My house smells like a candle shop.
I think the cat likes the perfumed candles.
I don't think a male will want to visit this perfumed house any time soon. The entire house smells like burned vanilla sugar cookies put on wax paper while they were still cooking.
Yum.....
not.....
No matter what the rituals of your life are, may all your wishes come true.
Today I am thankful that I realize that I take on too much due to the irresponsibility of others.
I also realized that I need to stop helping asshats.
Last week I wrote something about paying my ex-husband's bills if I find a good job. His bill collectors are calling me. I think one of his bills hit my credit. I don't know how that happened but I was going to pay it off......
until I got a packet from my former attorney today.
My ex did something so egregious that I cannot help him anymore. I can't pay any more of his bills. I can't give him any more money. I will not give him any more of my assets.
In the past I did those things because he promised it would help him stay employed and pay child support.
Of course, he's never paid a dime. Even when I gave him my car, paid for his gas and auto insurance, it didn't help him keep a job.
He slinked out of alimony. That bothers me only a little bit. My intention was to get a good paying job while hiding from his family so I wouldn't need it.
Hiding from his family is proving difficult. Things still get broken and hacked. To be fair, I don't know if they're responsible for the nonsense.
If I could KNOW the stalking were over, I wouldn't be so terrified to go out and drum up business.
Every time I've advertised, his relatives have harassed me.
If my face is in Westword, my former in-laws are at my door.
It's scary.
Sometimes I think the only way to stay safe is to be silent.
******
This week, my ex lied to the county child support officer about his earning capacity. He told them that he is only capable of making $15,000 per year when he's lucky enough to work full time. If I do not provide firm numbers to assert that this isn't true within 48 hours, he'll slink off with minimal child support and no longer have to provide health insurance on the kiddos.
He doesn't do these things anyway but I'm trying to prevent becoming his money bag.
They are trying to set it up like I AM the high income earner at $1,814 per month in unemployment.
My ex made between $40,000 - $50,000 per year since 1996! That is when he chose to work. He had a three year span about a decade ago when he refused to look for a job. I stopped telling him about job leads when he started to scream at me. It's a shame. I saw a job that he qualified for at the county that started around $73,000!
What can I do?
My being labeled the higher earning parent will put me at risk of paying him child support even though he doesn't help with the kids - or visit - or call them on their birthdays.
When he gets a burr up his butt he'll send me a nasty message claiming the kids aren't getting his texts. I don't think he understands -but- since I lost my job we are all on a cheap cell phone service. Fancy videos don't go through.
I'd change that if I could afford to change it.
I can't. I haven't fixed the leak under the sink. Someone busted more locks on the doors and one on a window. Thank goodness I can prop chairs under the door handles and sticks in the windowsills to keep people away.
I'm living lean right now.
I have to raid my 401K and miss out on unemployment because I took money to hire a lawyer. If I take money to live on over the amount of $400, they take my unemployment.
After reading the lies and growing tired of it, I realize the need to hire an attorney to go through the process with me again. I don't want to give this guy an audience that won't look at him like he's being irresponsible and can see through the games.
This time
if a judge wants to put him in jail....
I won't beg them to keep him out.
That was stupid.
I learned my lesson.
I have to stop trusting people to do the right thing.
******
There is more going on......
I'm building a new website because someone registered all the Gmail address with my name - every variation of my name. Someone even registered a long email address consisting of my first, middle and last name. What are the odds that another woman has a guy's middle name?
Yeah.....I don't think that's very likely.
Maybe there is some poor woman in my predicament with the same stupid monogram.
Or worse, maybe there is some poor bloke out there named "girl."
That would be sad, huh?
I bought a .me domain and am using that to field emails. I had to opt for that after I found that someone is cybersquatting domains with my initials and last name. Fortunately, I own domains in my name - I always have. I did it to prevent being cyberbullied.
Someone went so far as to create an Amazon wish list with my name and photo. The wish list consisted of absolutely huge sex toys. I've also seen a similar account on YouTube and Google+ where someone is masquerading as me but not being very flattering about it. The Google accounts don't use my photo but they use my name and occupation!
Sigh.....
I figured I should showcase my writing and web design talents on my new website. Today I spent time creating a video header and trying to decide what to write about.
I'll probably keep it tame.
Maybe I'll write about smart goals or something.
I'll think about it.
There is so much crap on the internet, I want to do put something out there that is somewhat useful.
******
I'm really frustrated.
I'm behaving myself. I'm worried about money.
I just have to take $3,000 - $5,000 for a retainer.
My retirement is almost gone.
I guess I could sell the house if I need to do that.
I'm just tired of playing games with someone who is in need of control. He's lying through his teeth. Why do social workers believe him?
I even provided them with his the pay stubs he left on my basement floor. They should show the truth.
Ugh.....
I'll just give them to my lawyer.
I have applied for the child support technician job more than once. I get emails saying that I'm no longer under consideration for the position - I think they can't use me because I'm not bilingual.
My background is in social work.
I can do basic math. $12 an hour is not $15,000 per year. It's a little over $24,000.
I can't believe someone can work a $12 an hour job for three months and claim that is all he is capable of making after more than 25 years at the higher salary. Six months previously, he claimed his earning capacity at $65,000.
It's annoying.
If I cave into this game now and let him lower his support without a fight,
the next step will be for him to try to get me to pay him child support to even out the incomes between the houses.
I know that's probably not going to happen but I don't want to reward bad behavior.
If you give a monkey a banana, they'll want another soon after.
He needs to work for his supper.
I don't want to deal with it anymore.
I need a lawyer who doesn't mess around.
Who knows?
Maybe my lawyer can help me get out of Colorado.
I still have licenses in eight other jurisdictions.
I can go nearly anywhere.
Maybe it will be easier to find a job in Oregon or Washington State.
We'll see.
I don't mean to complain but narcissistic men sure want a heck of a lot of attention.
I think I'll hire a scary guy to give my ex the attention he deserves.
Love ya lots,
S.
Next Day Edit: I called the child support office that Michael asked to review his support order and they refused to speak with me because I have an attorney on my record.
I had an attorney.
If they won't talk to me, I can't challenge their finding that Mr. Accountant is only capable of making $15,000 per year.
I need a lawyer.
Luckily, I know a lawyer who understands narcissism (NPD). He doesn't fiddle fart around with billing and try to charge me for calling in with my credit card number.
I've hired him before. He's so honest, he's been trying to pay me a $25 credit since 1999!
My ex was told he had NPD. I don't believe he took an MMPI so the diagnosis may be off.
For the longest time, I didn't believe the opinion of his therapist.
After our divorce and after my ex didn't move out, I began getting advice from some of my psychologist buddies, they believe him to be NPD, too.
I guess only a narcissist would expect his ex wife to give him her car, buy his gas, pay his auto insurance and support him for three years after a divorce -
and then yell at her when she finds someone wanting to interview him for a job paying $37,000 a year to start.
Yes. I need a lawyer.
I know who I'm going to hire this time. I sent him an email and he gave me a cut rate retainer at $2,500.
Maybe the tables are turning.....I can give this up to someone smarter than I.
Today I am thankful for the joyful sound of a purring cat.
Over the past few days, I've noticed a small gray tabby cat hanging out on my windowsill peering into the house.
It's very small.....almost a kitten.
I think it likes me because I drink Japanese catnip to help me relax. Yes, I have to order it from Japan. Shhh......let me tell you a secret. It's the primary ingredient in an expensive supplement (sero-vital) and I'm too cheap to pay $99 a month to get a supply of catnip and amino acids.
Now, as Pagans, we believe that visits from cats are signs from the Goddess....be it Bast (daughter of Diana)....or Isis. They should be honored guests.
Cats (as well as other animals) are to be respected and revered. A good Pagan does rituals with fish for Isis and puts it at the crossroads to feed her sacred cats.
The problem, though, is that I don't trust that the fish we buy at the store won't kill the cats. I haven't been very good with the rituals of late.
We let the cat stay in the house because we have raccoons that frequent our block. It can't hang out in the garage because there might be anti-freeze on the floor.
It's here....purring. I want to replace the carpet and the furniture so it won't be a loss if it sharpens its claws.
I am thankful it still has its claws.
*******
Yes, I am allergic to cats.
No, I cannot breathe well. I'm popping allergy meds like candy.
I'm itchy as heck but it could be that I mowed the lawn and pulled the weeds earlier today.
I don't want to blame the cat
******
The cat doesn't have tags (which is a violation of city code that was enacted in 1994).
I asked the neighbors if the cat had a home. I was told it belongs to the gun toting neighbor who lets his dogs cry outside 24/7.
I tried to ask the gun-toting neighbor if he owned the cat and he just drove off. His houseguest said it was his cat.
I don't know what to do.
*****
My 18 year old has a boyfriend. They've known each other since the first grade. They've dated off and on since ninth grade.
He's been visiting a lot because he's home from college for the summer. He and my daughter will sit outside and talk for hours on end.
He is an animal lover who has an affinity for cats.
He witnessed our gun-toting neighbor kick the cat. The young man was fuming and wanted to take the cat home.
We picked up the cat and took him inside. I posted a lost notice online and was informed that there was a coyote roaming the neighborhood. I've never seen a coyote. I've seen four raccoons that hang out together and a beautiful fox. I've not yet seen the coyote.
At that moment, I decided not to let the cat stay outside any longer. It's not safe.
The cat is staying with us tonight.
The kids want to keep the cat.
They have named it Adonis.
I'm not even sure the animal is a "he." So we may wind up with a Persephone IF we don't find its owner and IF we can keep it.
******
A word to the wise......
It's a bad idea to let your cat roam at large in the city. There are too many dangers that face pets; cars, coyotes, abusive humans.....to name a few.
This poor cat doesn't even have tags. We don't know if it has had its shots or is registered to anyone.
I don't trust the local animal control not to kill it. In talking to the woman who took over the shelter a few years ago, it seems like she cares more than the previous manager. I bet she'd do her best to find a home for the kitten or a shelter to take it in (which is refreshing, actually).
As much as I respect the intelligence of this woman, there is just something I don't quite trust. I can't put my finger on it. I should listen to my intuition.
Maybe it's not her I can't trust.....maybe it's something organizational that doesn't sit right.
I need to follow my instincts here.
If we can't get an answer from the creepy neighbor, we'll take it to a vet tomorrow to see if (s)he is micro-chipped.
Please.....take care of your animals....don't let your cats roam at large in a city, especially if you live within two miles of TWO reservoirs/nature reserves.
There are predators out there - both human and otherwise.
Today I am somewhat thankful for the child support office.
My bachelor's degree is in social work. I specialized in child development. When I interned with the county I was shocked at the sheer number of professionals who didn't understand that an individual's mental illness could impact the functioning of a family.
I left to pursue my graduate degree. My master's degree is in psychology. I wanted my doctorate but Michael's sister harassed and stalked me on campus. They offered me the chance to teach but I was so afraid of her, I declined the associate professorship.
Crazy people can influence other people in not so positive ways. In sum, the person with the most flexibility tends to control the system; be it political, be it familial, be it business....people who can bend and sway with the wind tend to come out strong. No one can be as flexible as a person three fries short of a happy meal.They can threaten you, beat you up, lie to the cops and do all sorts of creepy crap. Crazy people can scare you with their driving. They can take chances that more responsible people won't take - they're flexible like that. Everyone else is too busy watching the flexible person in the hopes that they can stay sane and safe. See? Flexible people get a lot of control by being unpredictable.
Yes, I believe this describes Donald Trump. Love him or hate him - he's flexible and he's in control.
That said, people have a habit of calling someone crazy when he or she does not bend and sway to their collective demands.
For instance, women are called crazy when they won't clean up after guys, or let them sleep around unprotected with hookers, or give them tons of money, or question their pathological lies.
Presidents are called crazy when they march to the beat of a different drummer.
Calling one crazy does not necessarily mean that a person is mentally ill or has a personality disorder. It could mean that they have the unmitigated gall to call asshats out on their bad behavior or ignore the dictates of a bunch of loud mouthed people who may or may not know what they're talking about.
That is why when men call their exes crazy, I tend to run off before I get branded as a crazy, too.
No, this is not a politically correct statement -but- it is helpful in explaining advanced psychological concepts in an easy to remember fashion.
******
It took me eleven days to get the documents my ex requested. He is refusing to work and wants to lower his child support......Not that he's ever paid child support.
I received a letter demanding a lot of information about my life.
Michael was beginning to scare me. He's been angry that I stopped paying his auto insurance in March. He was angry that I let a homeless girl live in the basement apartment. I think he wants my car.
I let him use my mini-van because he said it would help him keep his job. I signed the title over to him when it was wrecked and the person who caused the accident offered him $2,000. I thought it be money that could help him move out.
I shouldn't have listened. When he asked to use my Buick, I declined.
When he found out I was looking for work and was at home more, he started to make crazy demands on my time. He wanted me to hunt down documents to deliver to him. He didn't want me to mail them to him. I couldn't tape them in an envelope on the front door because he didn't want to pick them up.
He expected me to drop them off to him. He was rarely where he said he would be. He'd be angry if I kept him waiting (because I driving from bus stop to bus stop looking for him). I would spend hours attending to these demands during the week.
If I wouldn't do what he asked, I would get a series of emails complaining that I didn't help him.
After a few days of harassing me to get paperwork from him, he started demanding that I drop the kids off to the movie theater during weekdays. I think I was supposed to pay for the movies, too. The day he asked corresponded with a job interview. It was a Tuesday afternoon. I asked that it be another day so I could prepare for my interview.
At this point, he sent me a scathing email telling me I was uncooperative and that I would be even if he gave me seven days notice of a change in plans. I thought about it and realized that if I had seven days notice to help him, I could schedule my job interviews around his demands.
I wrote back telling him I liked the idea of a seven day notice for visitation that occurs outside of his normal schedule. At this point, he wrote back saying that he didn't want to see the kids. He also expressed anger that the state had contacted him asking him to pay child support through their registry.
He was in court for contempt a few months ago. I needed to get him out of my home. The judge noted that he hadn't paid child support. I asked the judge not to send him to jail and stated that I would have any payments logged through the state so they're kept track of. Apparently, Michael did not approve.
*****
Now, I have to provide documents pertaining to my life. After I was laid off from my job, I lost access to the computer system (rightfully so). Although I was receiving direct deposits of monies owed by the company, I did not receive the paycheck stubs.
It took two weeks to get this information from my former employer so I could get it to Michael.
******
Thursday was a disappointing day.
I stopped taking hypnosis clients because I wanted my schedule clear for when I started work on Monday, August 7th.
I called to verify the time and place to report to work and was told that I would only be working from August 28th to December 31.
So...I've decided to look for another opportunity.
I did follow through and spent the afternoon at a drug clinic to prove that I don't smoke pot.
I'm allergic to hemp.
It explains why all my hippie clothes itch and why my hemp shampoo made my hair fall out
It's hard to be a bohemian when you're allergic to pot.
After waiting for two hours I was told that I drank too much water and the test was non-conclusive. It's up to the company to decide if they want me to go through the test again.
I may not have a job on August 28th after all.
That only means that there's something better out there for me.
******
After visiting the drug clinic I took my documents to the child support office. I mentioned that I was feeling a bit pressured to let Michael off the hook for child support due to the demands he was making on my time earlier.
They saw my WARN lay-off notice. They saw copies of my severance checks and business profit and loss statements.
The lady who took the paperwork expressed empathy for the loss of my job.
I mentioned that I had applied for a job in their office but I was not bi-lingual. I also applied for the division that works with Medicaid and was supposed to start next week but that Trump had cut the budget so it is on hold.
Typically, they only help non-custodial parents find work.
They said they'd help me. Apparently, they are testing the waters in helping custodial parents find better jobs.
I would like that very much.
Maybe something good will come from Michael's skating around his monetary responsibilities.
If I manage to get a good job the first thing I'll do is start paying off his creditors that are hounding me.
May all the good that you do come back to you a thousand fold.
Love ya,
S.
Edit: 08/15/2017
Well....the Child Support office is a tad bit dishonest.
1.) The Child Support Office does not help custodial parents find jobs or gain job skills. The woman that told me that was mistaken. They only help non-custodial parents do that. Since Colorado is a state where both parents' incomes play a role in the determination of child support, it doesn't really help the non-custodial parent if I cannot earn decent money. My aim would be to negate the need for child support.
2.) Two Child Support representatives promised that I'd have to agree to a modification. That is not true. It took two business days for them to send me a letter stating they will modify his child support down by 55% because he submitted paycheck stubs for a $12 an hour job at a call center. They would modify without my consent unless I could prove that their math was faulty.
I had to hire a lawyer because the child support office claimed they couldn't talk to me anymore. That lawyer sent them a 19 page document detailing how they are acting incongruently with Colorado law by not looking at what my ex was making.
Okay.....I'm now considering hiring a collection agency so I can get the case away from this organization. They're going to reward my ex for his bad behavior. This is going to cause trouble for my kids.
It's stupid to reward someone for engaging in self-sabotage. My ex always manages to get fired right after I file for a court hearing or ask for mediation. That way, he can claim poverty.
I think the game is to take a low paying job and submit those few paycheck stubs as proof. Then after the dust settles, go back to being an accountant/auditor.
I find this infuriating because I held a management position at a call center prior to my lay off. I dealt with motivating agents. As such, I often heard about jobs from competitors. A friend who managed a call center at a cable company offered my ex the opportunity to interview with a competitor making $16 an hour. My ex flat out refused. The sad thing is that this competitor is in need of people who can understand statistics and analytics - he'd move up the food chain quickly. My ex yelled at me when I mentioned it.
I'll be quiet.
I won't reward crappy behavior.
I'm looking into hiring a private firm to collect the past due support. If I do that, the state of Colorado can't get their dirty hands on anything enable my ex to continue his games.
He's playing poverty.
Don't reward that.
It does get creepier. He found out the young lady was no longer living in my basement apartment. My ex is being nice as pie and talking me up to other people. I think he wants to move back into my house.
Today I am thankful for an epiphany; the stalkers cannot have confirmation of their successes.
I've been trying to reflect on the stalking.
I'll never really understand it. I'll never know why my sister-in-law and her boyfriend watched Tom and I drink tea.
I'll never know why his sister watched Steve and I drink coffee.
I'll never know who was watching Jim and I discuss hypnosis in a coffee shop. He looked just like Mike but I didn't get close enough to be sure it was him.
I'll never know how his cousin knew I'd be at King Soopers on the other side of town on a Sunday I typically worked.
I'll never know who hacked my phones or why Michael's voice could be heard on them even though no incoming call was logged.
I'll never know who damaged my laptops.
I'll never know why the police were meddling around in my garage or who put the GPS box on my car.
I'll never understand why Mike's friends would call to harass my boss until I lost my job.....I cannot forgive the asshat who harassed me when I interned for the DA. The DA needs to arrest this guy for murder. I told the Assistant DA what I know. this guy murdered his 18 month old daughter. The press knew it (one reporter was sued for telling the truth). I knew it based on a phone call I received the day she died. When his wife left him, an Arapahoe County judge gave him custody of the two other children.
What does one do if people in the judicial system refuse to deal with domestic violence? Our power does not extend beyond voting NO for retention every few years.
I'll never know why my ex-husband's sister harassed my professors on campus.....
or why she broke into the house....
why her boyfriend would hang outside my house until he was confronted by my biker neighbors (who I miss...stupid Aurora.....the city had them evicted because too many disabled vets shared the rental home).
I am realizing that Michael was the stalker and the proof is in the fact that he refused to leave my home as per the divorce agreement. The kicker isn't that he refused to leave my home....the kicker is that he refused to allow ME to leave the home.
His motive was control.
I'm realizing that all the demands on my time since I lost my job are ways to keep tabs on me and control of my time. I don't check my email as much as I used to check it due to the weirdness.
I get the sense that the child support modification game is similar to the alimony game. He lost his job right as I requested mediation. Alimony was off the table because he zeroed out his income.
He hasn't really looked for work. If I tell him about a job he yells at me.
The child support paperwork is just a way to get more information about my life. I'm tempted just to ask the county to leave him alone. I can live on four hours of sleep. I can work three jobs.
This guy will pretend to be impoverished until he zeros out his child support. He told me that the City of Aurora has provided him with a vocational counselor who said he could earn $90,000 a year. He also tells me that the city is paying for his apartment (which he claims is shared with a drug addict and hordes of bedbugs).
I don't know what to believe. I'll be very irritated if I find out that this abuser is gaming the system and living off of the city's general fund (or pot revenue). I wonder if the City Manager could tell me just how they are funding these alleged benefits.
The City Manager's office isn't very transparent.
I haven't dared mention this to my activist friends because I don't know if it is true.
I could always contact the local reporters who need a story. Again, it's hard to tell if my ex is lying to me.
Why waste a reporter's time if my ex is making it up to try to get my goat?
I won't give him the reins.
*****
The stalking is weighing on my mind.
This all comes on the heels of more property damage. I realized I cannot say what has been damaged because it will make it easier for people to break into my house.
I cannot fix this damage easily. I need to get a loan. I tried earlier but the bank wanted proof that I receive child support.
I don't. I never will.
I may have a temporary job on Monday. My former employer wants me to report on Monday but they won't tell me when or where. The division was sold and they're still a little disorganized. So, until I have that information, I don't think I'm employed. It is a 20% pay cut. My commissions which were previously around $1,000 a month will be capped at $250.
It'll buy me some time to figure out what to do.
I know the people working there, so it'll feel like a party on some level.
I signed up with a delivery company. I just have to find better auto insurance just in case something happens before doing the work for them.
I'm still terrified to advertise my hypnosis business. Whenever I spend large amounts of time in my office, my in-laws show up or the door is damaged.
I may want to wait until things blow over before going back into my beloved profession full time.
******
I found myself whining to a big shot Libertarian about it after she commented on a news story.
We had a news radio host arrested for sending harassing text messages to his ex. Many people don't understand the big deal.
The big deal isn't the text messages. It is the fact that people without boundaries escalate their behavior. I laughed off Mike's family for more than 20 years before I started to consider what they were doing to be stalking.
The day the tide shifted was 1-11-2011. They roughed up a 65 year old woman in my office building because she wouldn't tell them where I went to church. She was too terrified to cooperate with the police.
That was the day, I realized how dangerous this game had become.
It had also become expensive. My hypnosis business has not quite been the same since that day.
Many people I know think obnoxious men should be allowed to behave like idiotic little boys. You know what, if someone won't leave you alone even though you ask them to leave you alone, that person has issues.
Those issues can become deadly. At this point, they're treating you like an object not a person. It's easy for some people to justify destroying objects.
Don't think you can deal with it alone.
My Libertarian friend thinks domestic violence laws are crap. Yeah, I think people in the system could be better educated about it because the true abusers know how to manipulate the system. Sociopaths and other sinister asshats throw whatever they can at a wall and hope it sticks. People with scruples may find it hard to sort out the crap from the truth so they throw their hands up in the air and let the abusive lying jerks win.
My activist friend shocked me by telling me to me to start calling the police.
I don't call anymore.
I stopped.
I quit calling the day someone set a fire on my porch and the cop who answered the non-emergency line said my ex was just messing with my head. I got tired of hearing that the Arapahoe County DA won't prosecute stalking unless it is a slam dunk case. This was the rationale the cops used to refuse to take reports.
And this DA wants to be Governor......that's cute! It's NOT going to happen. I don't care if a washed up rock star gives him an endorsement. This guy is not very dedicated to the law of the land.
I did call the police the when an at-large felon tried to sexually assault someone in the neighborhood. I sat with the girl when she made her report. He was caught a few hours later.
I did call when I thought the neighbors were going to kill each other over the parking spot in front of my house. The dispatcher argued with me. No one was sent out. I was pissed. I'm a hypnotist. I took care of it myself.
I was in my recording studio at the time making a meditation recording for someone dying of cancer.
So, I told them that I recorded their disturbance.
I did.
If they settled down, I'd destroy the recording.
Problem solved.
Easy....peasy.
*****
I don't know.
I need to get the house fixed up to sell it. It needs new paint, new gutters, a new roof and new carpet.
I need to ask permission from the court to move.
It is becoming apparent that I've got to get out of the line of fire.
I'll never know why this happened.
I know that my ex lied to his family. They said he told them that I abused him. In turn, they harassed me. My ex said that they were trying to push me out of my home.
I don't know why the city attorneys did what they did. They repeated his lies in court and then later claimed that my ex lied to them, too -but- why they'd illegally steal money from my family and try to intimidate me on the phone is bizarre.
I don't think they expected my reaction. Um.....yeah.....it's not every day someone starts a PAC because a local government is allowing its employees to break the law, is it?
I'm going to laugh about that until the day I die (which may be sooner than I want if I don't move).
The issue with the city will be another fight for another day.
I'm a bit excited. Another Libertarian has actually figured out how to prevent what happened to me from happening to other people. This guy is awesome.
If his ballot initiative passes, the city will have to turn over any fines collected to the charity of the payer's choice.
This is all I wanted the city to do with the $1,000 it took from me (no, they didn't stop at the first $500 they took). The first chunk of money went it into my ex's supervisor's travel fund. I don't know where the other $500 went. I wanted them to give the money to charity and stop illegally fining employees.
I can help fight that issue a new way without taking credit.
That's awesome.
******
Yes, I want to play the witchy crap up again.
A couple of days ago, a political wanna-be explained why everyone calls me a witch.
Didn't I know?
All hypnotists are witches!!!
I wish I could find a spell to let me have a familiar without sneezing then.....
If I were an all powerful sorceress, my life would be much, much different.
I'd have a cat and a pit bull. If my friend succeeds at passing his ballot initiative, the city won't have any financial reasons to want to fine people for having pseudo wolves and for mistaking boxers for pit bulls.
Yes, I'm excited. It would be nice to but an end to what I call "gotcha taxation."
In thinking about it, I guess I'm a witch with a capital B.
It helps to remind myself that some people are strange.
Other people are brilliant.
Some of us are stranger than others.
I'm lucky in that I hang out with people so bright that I don't have to stay in the dark very long.
May you find your tribe and enjoy your time with them.
