Today I am thankful that I realize that I take on too much due to the irresponsibility of others.
I also realized that I need to stop helping asshats.
Last week I wrote something about paying my ex-husband's bills if I find a good job. His bill collectors are calling me. I think one of his bills hit my credit. I don't know how that happened but I was going to pay it off......
until I got a packet from my former attorney today.
My ex did something so egregious that I cannot help him anymore. I can't pay any more of his bills. I can't give him any more money. I will not give him any more of my assets.
In the past I did those things because he promised it would help him stay employed and pay child support.
Of course, he's never paid a dime. Even when I gave him my car, paid for his gas and auto insurance, it didn't help him keep a job.
He slinked out of alimony. That bothers me only a little bit. My intention was to get a good paying job while hiding from his family so I wouldn't need it.
Hiding from his family is proving difficult. Things still get broken and hacked. To be fair, I don't know if they're responsible for the nonsense.
If I could KNOW the stalking were over, I wouldn't be so terrified to go out and drum up business.
Every time I've advertised, his relatives have harassed me.
If my face is in Westword, my former in-laws are at my door.
It's scary.
Sometimes I think the only way to stay safe is to be silent.
******
This week, my ex lied to the county child support officer about his earning capacity. He told them that he is only capable of making $15,000 per year when he's lucky enough to work full time. If I do not provide firm numbers to assert that this isn't true within 48 hours, he'll slink off with minimal child support and no longer have to provide health insurance on the kiddos.
He doesn't do these things anyway but I'm trying to prevent becoming his money bag.
They are trying to set it up like I AM the high income earner at $1,814 per month in unemployment.
My ex made between $40,000 - $50,000 per year since 1996! That is when he chose to work. He had a three year span about a decade ago when he refused to look for a job. I stopped telling him about job leads when he started to scream at me. It's a shame. I saw a job that he qualified for at the county that started around $73,000!
What can I do?
My being labeled the higher earning parent will put me at risk of paying him child support even though he doesn't help with the kids - or visit - or call them on their birthdays.
When he gets a burr up his butt he'll send me a nasty message claiming the kids aren't getting his texts. I don't think he understands -but- since I lost my job we are all on a cheap cell phone service. Fancy videos don't go through.
I'd change that if I could afford to change it.
I can't. I haven't fixed the leak under the sink. Someone busted more locks on the doors and one on a window. Thank goodness I can prop chairs under the door handles and sticks in the windowsills to keep people away.
I'm living lean right now.
I have to raid my 401K and miss out on unemployment because I took money to hire a lawyer. If I take money to live on over the amount of $400, they take my unemployment.
After reading the lies and growing tired of it, I realize the need to hire an attorney to go through the process with me again. I don't want to give this guy an audience that won't look at him like he's being irresponsible and can see through the games.
This time
if a judge wants to put him in jail....
I won't beg them to keep him out.
That was stupid.
I learned my lesson.
I have to stop trusting people to do the right thing.
******
There is more going on......
I'm building a new website because someone registered all the Gmail address with my name - every variation of my name. Someone even registered a long email address consisting of my first, middle and last name. What are the odds that another woman has a guy's middle name?
Yeah.....I don't think that's very likely.
Maybe there is some poor woman in my predicament with the same stupid monogram.
Or worse, maybe there is some poor bloke out there named "girl."
That would be sad, huh?
I bought a .me domain and am using that to field emails. I had to opt for that after I found that someone is cybersquatting domains with my initials and last name. Fortunately, I own domains in my name - I always have. I did it to prevent being cyberbullied.
Someone went so far as to create an Amazon wish list with my name and photo. The wish list consisted of absolutely huge sex toys. I've also seen a similar account on YouTube and Google+ where someone is masquerading as me but not being very flattering about it. The Google accounts don't use my photo but they use my name and occupation!
Sigh.....
I figured I should showcase my writing and web design talents on my new website. Today I spent time creating a video header and trying to decide what to write about.
I'll probably keep it tame.
Maybe I'll write about smart goals or something.
I'll think about it.
There is so much crap on the internet, I want to do put something out there that is somewhat useful.
******
I'm really frustrated.
I'm behaving myself. I'm worried about money.
I just have to take $3,000 - $5,000 for a retainer.
My retirement is almost gone.
I guess I could sell the house if I need to do that.
I'm just tired of playing games with someone who is in need of control. He's lying through his teeth. Why do social workers believe him?
I even provided them with his the pay stubs he left on my basement floor. They should show the truth.
Ugh.....
I'll just give them to my lawyer.
I have applied for the child support technician job more than once. I get emails saying that I'm no longer under consideration for the position - I think they can't use me because I'm not bilingual.
My background is in social work.
I can do basic math. $12 an hour is not $15,000 per year. It's a little over $24,000.
I can't believe someone can work a $12 an hour job for three months and claim that is all he is capable of making after more than 25 years at the higher salary. Six months previously, he claimed his earning capacity at $65,000.
It's annoying.
If I cave into this game now and let him lower his support without a fight,
the next step will be for him to try to get me to pay him child support to even out the incomes between the houses.
I know that's probably not going to happen but I don't want to reward bad behavior.
If you give a monkey a banana, they'll want another soon after.
He needs to work for his supper.
I don't want to deal with it anymore.
I need a lawyer who doesn't mess around.
Who knows?
Maybe my lawyer can help me get out of Colorado.
I still have licenses in eight other jurisdictions.
I can go nearly anywhere.
Maybe it will be easier to find a job in Oregon or Washington State.
We'll see.
I don't mean to complain but narcissistic men sure want a heck of a lot of attention.
I think I'll hire a scary guy to give my ex the attention he deserves.
Love ya lots,
S.
Next Day Edit: I called the child support office that Michael asked to review his support order and they refused to speak with me because I have an attorney on my record.
I had an attorney.
If they won't talk to me, I can't challenge their finding that Mr. Accountant is only capable of making $15,000 per year.
I need a lawyer.
Luckily, I know a lawyer who understands narcissism (NPD). He doesn't fiddle fart around with billing and try to charge me for calling in with my credit card number.
I've hired him before. He's so honest, he's been trying to pay me a $25 credit since 1999!
My ex was told he had NPD. I don't believe he took an MMPI so the diagnosis may be off.
For the longest time, I didn't believe the opinion of his therapist.
After our divorce and after my ex didn't move out, I began getting advice from some of my psychologist buddies, they believe him to be NPD, too.
I guess only a narcissist would expect his ex wife to give him her car, buy his gas, pay his auto insurance and support him for three years after a divorce -
and then yell at her when she finds someone wanting to interview him for a job paying $37,000 a year to start.
Yes. I need a lawyer.
I know who I'm going to hire this time. I sent him an email and he gave me a cut rate retainer at $2,500.
Maybe the tables are turning.....I can give this up to someone smarter than I.
I haven't slept since I received the packet.
Love ya,
S.