Today I am thankful for the characters in Broadway plays.
A man who I went to high school with found me on Facebook ten or so years ago. I'll refer to him as Mr. Cheeky.
Every week or so for years, we left obnoxiously sexually charged and cheeky comments for another high school friend.
These comments, at least in my mind, helped our friend meet his wife.
They were filthy posts.
We'd make them worse.
This friend and I hung out a bit. He'd talk about the woman he later married. We'd talk dirty to each other and he'd have to run outside and smoke a cigarette.
He wanted to date me -but- I was unavailable. He loved this other woman who lived thousands of miles away.
I'd listen.
Mr. Cheeky and I would encourage our friend to meet with the woman he obviously had a thing for.
He finally bought a plane ticket and brought her home.
It's awesome!
The lovely woman he married is funnier that we are!
Years later, it's easy to see that they are perfect for each other!
They are living proof that there is someone for everyone....
at least if you're not too scared to be who you truly are.
Really....how can the one meant for you find you if you pretend to be someone you're not??!!
Over the years more people joined our filthy party. There were six or seven of us just having innuendo filled dirty conversations on Facebook.
Last April, I stopped responding to the posts because my computer was damaged.
I no longer partook in the little dirty fun.
When I got involved in politics, they cleaned it up....
a little....
I would tell them not to embarrass me in front of the Christian Coalition.
Besides, some of those Republicans are in a dirty, filthy league that I am too innocent to join.
Eventually, the hacking got so bad that I was terrified to log into Facebook.
So I hid.
I always knew Mr. Cheeky was a neighbor.
I always knew he lived close by.
I knew this because we'd post about the same car accidents outside of our homes, or the tornado sirens or police activity....
Crap, the neighborhood is going to hell, isn't it?
A few years ago, I stopped posting my pictures due to the stalking so I'm not sure if he'd recognize me if he saw me.
He's worried. One of my friends from work posted his concerns that I was unemployed on Facebook and Mr. Cheeky saw it and reached out.
He sent me a lot of messages trying to cheer me up.
He asked me today what I looked like.
I said....
"Imagine little orphan Annie at middle age after she lets herself go!"
His response ?????
I love redheads!!!
Awww......
******************
It's not really fair the he asked what I look like.
He knows what I look like.
I've been in the paper.
He betrayed this later in our conversation.
I know who he is. He works down the street and runs a hardware store - the place I run to when my house falls apart. His colleagues are always saving me from mice and other home related disasters.
He looks like my uncle...the man who raised me.
Men who look like men I respect from my youth are dangerous.
Women fall in love with men who remind them of their father figures.
I have to stay away.
*****************************
Now, I feel the need to hide.
He asked if I date.
I said no.
I never date.
I just find men to hang out with.
The last guy didn't want to leave me alone....so....
I'm alone.
I can't date.
I think I'm going to be alone until I get reconstructive surgery.
I gotta make myself worth someone's time before I start hanging out in the fun way.
At least that's what I tell myself so I don't get desperate and start wanting to....[censored....].
He told me I'm too pretty to be alone.
I don't understand men.
I get called beautiful a lot.
I don't understand some words.
What is beauty?
What is pretty?
Is beauty giving money to a church thumbing its nose at a city government by housing the homeless?
Is beauty hypnotically bitching out a powerful group of assholes in defense of someone else?
Is beauty making someone see the uniqueness of his or her truth?
Is beauty a lipstick smudge on an excited [censored]?
Seriously.....I don't understand the meaning of the word.
Does it denote physical characteristics?
Or actions?
Feelings ?
What does the word mean?
I have no clue.
******
If you follow Jung, you know there are various archetypes.
I think I spent my life through my twenties living as the orphan archetype.
I lost my parents at a young age. I lived in foster care. I never really fit in. I tried to fit in. I played bass and saxophone. I pretended not to sing. I hated standing out in a crowd. I needed to blend into the band.
Everyone is equal. Everyone deserves connection. I was everything you saw me to be. I had so much empathy that I became a counselor and attracted sociopaths into my life.
I just wanted to fit in somewhere and to belong. I wanted to be a solid citizen, pay my taxes, volunteer and be a good little soldier.
Then government assholes high on power started fucking with my family.
Then they fucked with me so much so that they awoke my childhood anger. They brought out the fight I had in me from my teenage years trying to wrestle my sister from a sexually exploitive foster home.
I forgot how angry I was as a kid.
I don't trust assholes who profit off the government - blame shitty foster parents for that.
I realized that blending in didn't stop the shit from happening so I changed my strategy.
At thirty-eight, I found myself to be more of a Trickster.....The Coyote....Loki.....
Man....did I stand out from the crowd.
In doing so, I got some shit done.
I didn't get enough done....but some things changed.
I'm probably too pissed off to be a hero.
I'm never going to be Luke Skywalker......or a Lover.....or a Sage....or a Ruler....
I can pretend to be a Magician....
I'm a witch but only when I'm a trickster.
I have no clue who I am right now.
I have friends from my youth who somehow came back into my life.
I am alone.
After tomorrow I will not longer have a job.....
I'll still have my business.....
but no steady income.
******************
I did something stupid today.
I begged a judge not to send my ex-husband to jail.
The judge said that there would be no way to force him to do the things he's supposed to do if he doesn't go to jail.
Jail won't get him to do what he needs to do, either.
He turned in the key to my house.
He gave me back my garage door opener.
He hasn't broken in.
The guy outside my house wasn't Doug.
I turned the other cheek.
I pray I'm right.
I pray this shit is over.
I hope I don't grow to regret the decision not to imprison the guy who made my life a living hell.
Today I am thankful for laughter.
I heard this song.
It made me giggle.
As a child, I had two nicknames;
Siegfred (because I reminded an aunt of the prankster in the All Creatures Great and Small novels or maybe because I'm not afraid to run with the big cats.....I don't remember now.....it probably had something to do with me hanging out with animals....)
-and-
heathen (because....I'm unapologetic).
Yeah......
The real truth of this is that... we are all heathens to someone!
I'm Pagan - I'm a heathen to Christians.
I'd say that Christians are heathens to Pagans.....but too many Pagans worship Christ.
I'm libertarian leaning - I'm a heathen to RINOS (Republicans in name only) and Demoncrats.
Liberal republicans are heathens to me.
Some people think all politicians are heathens.
Seriously.....
We are all freaks.....we are all crazy....we are all different.
Variety is the spice of life.
You know, the trick is finding people whose freakiness meshes well with yours.
Oh....
the psychopaths, they pretty much permeate about 1% of each group......
well, unless you're a dude in prison than your chance of lovin' on a psychopath rises to one in four....
so.....
Just stay away from the people that can't play well with others. Remember.....a heathen is just someone who doesn't drink your favorite flavor of Kool-Aid!
My dreams are inspiring me to be more artistic. Most of my hypnosis clients see me to help break down blocks to their creativity.
I have been insanely busy. I'm finishing up my last week as a quality analyst in the sales department for a major health care company.
My boss panicked when I accepted a layoff agreement. They want to give me three months pay to look for another job.
I couldn't pass that up.
I promised to stay two weeks to help him out.
I get paid the same whether I stay home or go to work.
My team won't be released until April, so I decided to stay until the end of March.
**************
No, I haven't lit my multitude of black candles.
There has to be a better way to put into the universe that my local government needs to employ people with scruples.....
and the City Attorney who looks like my brother-in-law needs to.....um.....learn ethics and empathy or find another job.....
he enables abusers and liars......just like his predecessor.....
as does the abusive chick who runs the Animal Shelter.
Strange.....when I'm upset with someone....I run into other people pissed about the same thing.
That's how I wound up fighting tax hikes!!!
It's strange. I live in a city called Aurora: Due to the work of an idiotic councilman turned city attorney, they banned pit bulls. In this city, a pit bull is a mythical creature with locking jaws and mechanical legs (ugh...). They make this breed look like a canine version of the Six Million Dollar Man!
I met the best pit bull activist in the town I grew up in....Arvada. He was standing outside a King Soopers collecting money for a breast cancer charity. He had the cutest pit bull. The pit bull was why he got so many donations. That dog had eyes that made you empty your wallet into the donation box!
We attract that which we think about. I hate assholes who believe in canine mythology and kill dogs due to their stupidity. I found someone to help me stop it.
Now, as a witch, I'd could just ask a coven to cast a werewolf protection spell upon the city.
I've debated it.
I haven't done it.
Spells can be scary.
When I was a little girl watching my mother paint our front door red, I decided I didn't want to be a witch.
It seemed silly.
It seemed scary.
It also didn't seem to do any good.
It didn't do anything to save my mother from the abuser she married.
I finally cast my first spell in 1999 when some asshole kept harassing me in court. It was a simple spell to keep troublemakers away from my house.
Lo' and behold the person I thought was behind the harassment kept coming over. It was my in-laws who stayed away. I finally realized who was behind the stories that caused the trouble.
We moved and I didn't cast the spell again.
The next spell I cast was in 2009 after nearly a year of crap from the City.
I cursed them and the sitting mayor after I got a crazy email from a city councilwoman. I did something nuts to break the spell for the mayor who won (long story). The other spell can only be broken when the city attorneys stop lying about the citizens and employees.
That spell is NEVER going to be broken at the rate they're going......sigh.
I can't break it.
As part of that casting, I cast a couple of protection spells on the city employees, cops and firefighters. They're being messed around enough by the lawyers and HR. I didn't them hurt by the antics of the so-called leadership.
After that.....I swore I'd never cast another spell.
I lied.
I cast three more.
Each one was cast after numerous stalking incidents.
I lit a black candle after etching "please stop the stalking" into the wax.
The first night my father-in-law died. They said he was cleared of cancer the day prior of his death. He died suddenly of cancer before the candle burned down.
After nearly two more years of hell, I did it again. This time my sister-in-law died suddenly of undiagnosed cancer.
After eighteen months of more hell, I did a third time but wrote "please stop the stalking in a way that won't physically harm the perpetrator."
My ex-husband lost his job before the candle burned down.
I swore off spells.
Don't mess with witchcraft; you'll get drunk with power.
Worse
when stupid people die (usually because they're stupid)
and you've wished ill upon them (usually because they're stupid assholes)....
you feel guilty.
So, twelve black candles sit unlit by my bedside.
There has to be a better way.
I need to give it more thought. I could bitch out the city council in three minute increments. That does little good. They don't have very much power.
They also tend to like money. A lot of the shit that I witness is about their backhanded ways of collecting revenue. Let's see what we can make up to fine people for today, shall we?
It seems like that's the game.
It's frustrating.
There are better ways of teaching people lessons that hypnotically bitching them out when they have fingers in their ears.
I just have to think of them.
****************************
Because Groupon resurrected my deal....
I'm insanely busy with their clients....
and a few that I refuse to charge.
Cancer patients trying to enjoy the end of their lives without anxiety (no charge....)
Medicare recipients who experience mental health/sleep/worry and have crappy health plans (no charge....)
That last one is something dear to me because I've spent the past two years either selling Medicare and Dual Medicare/Medicaid plans or teaching people how to sell them. I do make sure they clear it with their physicians before I let them see me.
I know which plans suck when it comes to mental health.
I was raised by my Grandparents so I feel the need to pay that forward.
I have a tough time cashing those checks. I admit I have some in the bottom of my safe deposit box that I've written void on. They'd protest if I sent them back.
I can't take their money. They need it!
The universe always takes care of me so long as I honor the beauty in others.
*********************
I'm in a little bit of an ethical dilemma.
Someone made me the most beautiful artwork for my office....
it's something people pay hundreds of dollars for (when it's machine made)....
I know someone who charges $20,000 for similar pieces.
I can't put a price on it.
I'd refuse the gift but my name was built into it.
The woman that made it wanted me to share it with my clients.
It made me cry.
It sits in my office facing my desk.
I cry.
The weird thing about hypnotherapy is the striking realization that most people don't see their value; they don't see the intrinsic beauty of who they are when they strip away their egos...
I think that's why I cry.
So many people waste precious years living in pain and sadness.
It breaks my heart.
This is the second piece of artwork I've been given by clients. I have another. It was made by a woman who years ago refused to show her artwork after being criticized by an art teacher in college.
In three sessions, she started booking showings.
I never hung the drawing up because I don't want anyone to know she was my client, even though it was well over ten years ago.
When I want to give up because having two jobs is insane, I pull out her drawing and stare at it.
It helps.
******************************
I'm too busy to feel sad.
When I'm stuck at home, I'm in my recording studio.
There is always something to do.
I need to carve out time to write recommendations for my 120 colleagues who were laid off. I'm too much in the thick of it to find the hypnotic words to help them sell themselves to potential employers.
Maybe it'll hurt less when I'm out of that office. It feels like a funeral parlor. I have a tough time going to work and seeing some of my colleagues cry and try to hide their tears.
It makes me cry.
That's my goal the first week of April. I'm going to start writing those recommendations I've put off.
******************************
For several nights, I've had dreams of an old friend.
This has gone on for three or four months now!
I'll think it's over because the dreams stop for a few days
and then they come back with a vengeance.
Damn.....
It's gone on longer. There was a time when I was married and had to wake up pretending to sing Rush songs because...well....I'd wind up saying the person's name.
Come to think of it, I don't sound good singing anything.
When you study music, you quickly learn how to spot people who are more talented than you are and defer to their voices.
It's nice that I don't have to pretend I'm dreaming about being Getty Lee anymore.
Woo hoo!
Getting back to the dreams......
I don't see this person as I knew him.
I see him as he would be now....
I see him as he last appeared when I saw him.....
When I have these dreams, I feel this weird sense of universal connectedness.
I don't get it.
This loving, universal connectedness thing pushes me to grab my bass, grab a canvas to do more than just write hypnotic prose and recording my sing-song voice enunciating elongated vowels...
Now, I don't sound like that. I probably still have my mid-eighties Relax t-shirt.
I wonder if people will get the reference if I wear it?
My meditation recordings are often found on free file sharing sites. Oh, bless the thieves who bring me business without having to pay for advertising!
Maybe I need to listen more to the dreams......maybe they'll go away a little longer if I can figure out what I need to do?
More art?
Maybe that's what I need to do.
I think the guy in my dreams is a subconscious projection of my animus and he's telling me to work with more artists.
I seem to have good success working with artists.
Maybe I need to get in contact with that part of myself again.
I forgot how to compose music. I don't think I can figure out a key just by hearing music anymore.
There were days, in the past, where I couldn't sleep with the radio on because I'd analyze every song I heard. I married someone who had to listen to music all the time. I was sleep deprived!
Maybe I need to get back in touch with that aspect of myself.
************************
I just had this bizarre thought.....
They are now planning another high school reunion.....
I probably shouldn't go.
If I go and the guy in my dreams shows up, I'll want to sketch
or paint
or harass the band.
Maybe that's the warning.....
Don't go....
I got rid of this guy's pictures when my ex was going through my stuff and I was terrified he'd be stalked (there were threats made....and I was told my ex's cousin was dating this guy's neighbor....it scared the hell out of me).
I do keep an archive of every electronic picture I've taken. Maybe I'll print one out and put it in my studio.
Maybe not.....that's kinda creepy.
I'll think about drawing what I see in my dreams in oil pastel.
That's my favorite medium.
Drawing it is less creepy than printing a photo off.
Maybe that face reminds me of who I used to be....before I turned into an evil curmudgeon who fights assholes.
*******************************
Yeah....we turn into the very people we spend time with. If you spend time fighting assholes eventually you turn into one.
The difference between them and me is that I know when and why I act like a jerk.
They do it all the damn time. I don't think they do very much self-reflection, either.
********************************
Well.....I'm off to my recording studio. I have to write hypnotic poetry that will inspire a beautiful lady to exercise.
May you find the means to busy yourself in productive ways.
May you see your intrinsic beauty as well.
Love ya lots,
S.
Next day edit: Another dream.....another day of crying.
Why?
I realize that the bad dreams cause me to fear that something bad will happen to the actor in my dream. I fear he is in physical pain.
The strangest part was that the good dreams cause me to fear that the actor is in some type of emotional pain, alone or depressed. That would be the only reason I'd see him again.
Even if we were at a reunion - if he were happy with his lady love, the things I see in my dreams would never happen. They may say hi. There may be introductions. There wouldn't be the things I see because he'd be happy!
I cry because I fear that there is pain. That's the only way those things could possibly happen - if he were alone and I were the last woman on the planet.
If that happened, his mother, sisters and thousands of prospective beautiful mates wouldn't be in his life.
It may be deeper than that. It is the realization that if I ever fixed my life enough to date, the guy I wind up with is probably hurting now.....or soon will.....
I won't date a married guy. I won't ruin a happy relationship.
That means, the guy has to be alone. Being alone....well, for most of us anyway....is painful.
So.....
This is stupid.
They are only dreams.
They're not real.
They're just dreams.
They don't mean anything bad will happen to another person.
The dreams probably only project my pain.
I have to be in pain.
I have to be alone.
I cannot have a partner because I can't figure out the crap in my life and I don't want to drag anyone else into it.
I just need to stay busy.
The dreams may betray my deepest fears.....
or they may be me whining about my circumstances by putting another face into my place.
No matter what happens, I truly want everyone to be happy.
Today I am thankful that I've decided to sell the house.
There is an overweight Hispanic man with a beard sitting across the street in a Silver Dodge Ram dual-cab pick-up.
He's been there several minutes.
I'm terrified.
He swooshed passed me as I began to leave my driveway and he pulled a U-turn in front of my house and parked across the street.
I drove by and looked at the driver.
He looks too much like Doug.
He has beard with a little gray in it.
Doug had a little gray the last time I saw him.
I came back home.
Why today?
Well....the district cancelled school due to a snowstorm that never happened.
The kids stayed home.
I woke up and there were little notes around the house telling me that school was cancelled so I decided to use the time that I would typically spend driving them around in my recording school.
The power started to go off and on.
I started to have a panic attack but thought, maybe, the wind was impacting the power lines.
I called my boss and stayed home.
I will be laid-off officially next Friday.
I thought it was psychologically healthy for me to stay with the team until we are all let go.
For this reason, I felt guilty about staying home.
I felt guilty about it until.....
now.
Maybe I'm paranoid.
Maybe Doug has a dopple-ganger.
I don't know.
All I know is that I have court in a few days.
I'm seeing people who resemble my in-laws in vehicles that they are known to own.
The first time Doug harassed me it was a Red dual-cab Dodge Ram pick-up.
The second time it was a white dual-cab Dodge Ram pick-up.
This guy looked like him and was in a Silver Dodge Ram pick-up.
I took a picture.
I'd call the cops but I don't believe they'll help. Aurora cops will tell me who is doing it and why. They'll tell me to trust my gut.
They won't take a police report. That won't do me any good.
So....I'm staying home today and not going anywhere.
I need to fix up the house to sell....NOW!
Stay safe out there....
The man just drove off. Let me see if he comes back around.
I'm really terrified.
I'm going to have to order more banishing oil.
Love ya,
S.
Edit a couple hours later: They guy came back. This time he got out of the truck. He seemed just a little bit too short to be Doug. Doug is around 6' 2". This guy was maybe 6'.
He also seemed a little trimmer.
He didn't call me Satan, try to break into the house or threaten me.
I feel relieved.
I went out to get some aspirin because I think I nearly gave myself a heart attack.
When I arrived home after the shopping trip, there was a woman in a white car blocking my driveway and chowing down on a hamburger.
Why my house?
I don't know
I think I'm happy that I cannot work from home. I think I'd freak out every time someone in a Dodge Ram sat outside my house or a women hangs out here in a white car.
Doug always had a Dodge Ram.
Shannon drove a white sedan.
I can't live like that.
I probably should sell the house and buy another one where these guys don't have a clue how to find me.
Maybe the renters friends drive Dodge Ram trucks and love hamburgers.
I should probably have a cookout and meet them so I know who is who.
Still.....
Moving out of this neighborhood is probably my best bet.
The problem.....is that family court has me hemmed into a three mile radius.
It's going to be hard to hide.
I just wanted to report nothing funky happened. My house wasn't robbed. No one turned on a spigot or broke down a door.
I woke up and chewed out a Groupon rep for lying to me.
I went to work. Some asshole keeps calling me from a company called CFS Litigation (aka) Commonwealth Financial Solutions trying to collect a debt from someone I met briefly at work two years ago.
They call me with robo calls. I call them back to have them remove my number. They call again.
This time they called me during a meeting!
They interrupted my meeting.
I called them back and got some young smug jerk who doesn't understand that debt collectors can't tell you the name of another person who owes a debt. He doesn't understand that when you ask for his name and the name and location of his company, he has to answer you. To fail to do so, keeps the people being harassed from sending a cease and desist letter. It is also a violation of the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act.
He didn't believe me. Then, the idiot started to mock my voice.
I started to say....Do you want to know what I do for a living?
I usually finish that up with "I'm a hypnotist who specializes in making horny men permanently limp" but there was a man in the room with me.
So, I just told him I'm a political activist acquainted with law enforcement.
He tried to tell me he was an investigator looking into a formal complaint. I asked again for the name of his company, he said it wasn't a company. He was trying to get me to believe HE was with law enforcement.
At that point, he broke a completely different law. Commonwealth Financial Services may want to sit up and take notice before they're sued out of existence.
I like to sue assholes.
Alrightly then.
I promised him I'd contact the Attorney General for his state and mine as well as the FTC. I'm going to find the corporate office for this stupid company tomorrow and call them and give them a heads up. I did make my complaints this evening.
I don't want this little jerk interrupting any more meetings with his crap.
Someone who witnessed my hypnotic bitchiness blogged about it.
I'm a little embarrassed.
I'm angry.
I'm not sleeping.
I don't know exactly why I am angry.
I think I'm pissed because my ex trashed the house and refuses to pay back the money he owes me so I can fix it. He won't pay child support.
I lost my job because I can't fix up my house fast enough dedicate a room to work in that the company can inspect right away.
I think that's the other reason I'm mad.
I've tried to warn this company about Federal Wage and Hour Laws. If you force someone to pay for their work expenses (e.g. supplies, dedicated and required equipment, furniture, internet, phone, installation, uniforms and so on) and it brings them below minimum wage for the pay period in which those expenses are incurred, they can be sued by the Feds.
My managers don't believe that this is a thing.
I told HR. They don't believe this is a thing.
I contacted an attorney. It's a thing.
This is why I decided not to continue with this company. They offered to pay me for sixty days whether or not I work.
As I started to leave, my supervisor asked me to stay for two weeks as he was in a panic because he was short staffed.
That's what happens when you fire 123 people!
I'll stay for two weeks. I'm basically working for nothing.
I don't know why managers for a fortune 500 health care company cannot ask their lawyers if they are doing the right thing?
Maybe that's why I'm mad.
I see a ship sinking. I'm trying to patch the holes.
I'm ignored.
Couple that with the City of Aurora acting like assholes over their desire to extort money from pet owners
and that bringing up the shit from D. Parizek and S. Glass-Evans (a manager and city lawyer who stole money from my family, harassed me and tried to embarrass me to cover it up).
They played the same game with the dog's family that they played with my family. In my experience, it was my ex-husband and myself they made bizarre complaints about.
In this case, it was a German shepherd. The complaints were the same. My ex and I are aggressive. The dog was aggressive, so the City can fine and do whatever it wants to the people connected to the aggressive man, bitch and male dog.
I think I'm angry and I don't know who needs the hypnotic tongue lashing.
I feel sorry for any idiot who crosses my path in the next few days.
Assholes had better stay away from me.
I have gone after four or five idiots in the past 72 hours. Most of these people wanted shit from me that they were not entitled to get
I have learned that the absolute best spell to scare off an idiotic mother fucker is to call in the authorities so they can be fined and quartered.
Or sick a union on a shitty government employer....
Humans can be more demonic than the demons.
I'm going to try to sleep.
I think finding my stash of black candles and black pepper oil is making me high with power and delusions of grandeur.
I feel like I'm in a demonic state letting the antics of assholes bother me.
I haven't even lit the candles yet.
I think I've slept six hours since Monday.
I'm drunk on anger.
I wonder what other crap I need to fix before I can fall asleep.
Take care of you and separate yourself from crappy people and places.
I'll try to figure out exactly who I am angry at so I can channel all my negative energy that way.
Here's a little bit of history: When Pagans would leave food at the crossroads as an offering to Hekate, the food was typically eaten by dogs. Christians would scoff. Pagans believed that Hekate was feeding the animals who were sacred to her.
Don't harm dogs. Don't kill dogs or else you'll anger the Queen of the Witches.
How many Pagans are in the Denver Metro Area? How many of them are offended at the behavior of local governments?
**************
My local government is killing dogs left and right.
The City of Aurora has been doing this for years. When I was politically active, it was common for children to approach me, with tears in their eyes, telling me the city killed their beloved pets. The worst one was a twelve year old girl whose bulldog was mistaken for a pit bull.
I'll never forget that child.
I should have done a ritual. They think I'm a witch, what do bitchy witchies do?
Colorado law forbids dog breed ban legislation. Aurora, though, believes that as a home rule city, they can flout the law.
It doesn't work that way.
Municipalities have to honor the basic rights given to people by the Federal government and by the state government. They can expand these rights if they wish to do so -BUT- THEY CANNOT TAKE AWAY FROM THESE RIGHTS!
In other words, Aurora's laws have to be equal or better to state and Federal law. Their attorneys ignore this.
I've reached out to State Senators. I'm pulling out all of the information I've collected on this issue for over a decade.
***********************************
Yeah, the city I used to give hell is now killing dogs to make a quick buck.
It's gross.
My guess is that employees have to say a shepherd is a wolf or else they risk those stupid illegal fines....
just like my ex did when he didn't want to illegally harass bar owners into producing their books during happy hours for an audit.....
just like the financial director who took a day off to care for his sick daughter.....
just like the employee who was asked what he would say if someone at church asked him if he'd vote for a city tax hike....the employee said "he'd vote for it." His boss fined him $300 (more than half of his weekly salary putting him below minimum wage). The civil service commission tried to ban me from his hearing but I was running for office at the time....they could have banned me....but I would have called my friends at the local paper....
Like I said.....it's gross.
I've tried to advocate for pets at the Animal Shelter before.
One of their employees tried threatening me. That was cute. I'm a hypnotist.
It doesn't work.
They took it out on the dog. I went back and saw blood all over the wall.
I want that shelter shut down!
We can always use county services. I know the mayor wants Aurora to be a county. That will NEVER happen because the city is not trusted. The powers that be are too inept.
Why isn't Aurora trusted?
Google the stories of the pets that are killed each year because some stupid employee claims it is a banned breed.
My guess is that the employees have to sign off on those false claims or risk being illegally fined hundreds of dollars.
********************
I don't go on Facebook often. I had 120 colleagues lose their jobs, so I check Facebook everyday to offer my support.
That's where I find the stories of the dogs that Aurora shelter employees are taking, claiming are banned breeds and starting legal proceedings to gain permission to kill the dogs.
There is a former councilman who left to become a City Attorney. He's the guy with the Irish last name who thought it was funny to threaten this Irish lass in front of a group of men.
I did NOT have to say a word. The men scared him off.
When I attended pet related hearings in the past, this was the idiot representing the city.
It's a good old boys' network.
There is one thing going for us ladies. These men are scared of us!
We have more power than we know.
***************************************
I've seen two stories now of dogs who are being threatened with death.
One is a shepherd the city claims is a wolf.
The other is a pitbull.
I posted them. I put in a nice little warning about how this causes government to lose rapport with voters. It also creates a distrust of government.
The voters always vote down tax hikes because they don't trust the government. If Colorado lawmakers want people to vote for their tax hikes then they need to reign in the abusive municipalities.
I must have put that into the collective unconscious.
Within 24 hours state Senators started a petition to free Capone the Shepherd (not wolf). I don't think they know about Bandit.
I told one of them. I like this guy. He's a Democrat who wants to be Governor. He's pretty smart. He can figure stuff out very quickly. It's rare to find a politician who cares enough to listen let alone put in the brain power to figure out what the problems are.
Maybe that's what needs to happen.
We need our senators to go forth and remind the local governments that they can add to our freedoms but they cannot make laws impinging the freedoms that the state and Federal government recognize.
I'm sure the State of Colorado is suffering from a bit of image tarnishing due to the disgusting antics of Aurora and Adams County. It would behoove State lawmakers to talk a little bit of sense into Aurora's City Manager.
Yes, the mayor is only a figurehead. The one in we have now has ran this city for over 45 years. He knows everybody. He knows how to get the conversation started. There is power in relationships. I hope he figures this out and talks some sense into his City Manager and Council cohorts.
Sigh.....
***********************
Yes, I was offered a severance package from my employer. They can't afford to do business in Colorado and I'm nearly through training my replacements in Florida.
I may take it the severance package just so I can jump back into the political fray.
I miss doing covert group hypnosis (just teasing....I never did that.....on purpose).
Love ya,
S.
NEXT DAY EDIT:
So...
I decided to do something I hate to do. I'm going to cast another spell.
I dislike them. Almost every time I do a binding spell someone dies. Every time I've done one, someone has been threatened with death. All I ask is that the death be prevented.
Usually the asshole dies. Once a brat who worked for the city and threatened me got in a car crash. Another time the idiot lost the job he had that funded the abuse.
I'm a Crone. Any Crone is going to tell you that spells are always a last ditch effort. You have to exhaust every possible means of protecting someone or changing a situation before you light a candle.
I feel I have done that. If you know who I am, you know how far I went to try to get the local government to level out the playing field and to stop abusing employees and forcing them to abuse the citizens.
I've sued. I ran for office. I tried talking sense into the powers that be. I tried talking to State and Federal lawmakers.
I did what I could.
I've done everything I can in the mundane world.
I've been threatened a lot by employees that work for the city. I'm sure they threaten me because they face huge fines of hundreds of dollars if they disobey unethical orders from their superiors.
I hold no ill will towards the employees, only the supervisors, the attorneys and the process.
Whoever is lying and behaving unethically will be forced out by the spell.
I won't do it like I did last time. Last time it was a protection spell meant to protect the police and any employee or family harmed by the unethical people in command at the city. I had a dream the city building caught fire. I cast two protection spells; one for the cops and one to help the employees.
I hate spells. They are necessary.
I think the city attorneys are going to continue to play these games. I don't think the city will willingly fire these asshats.
I have to do what must be done.
Seriously.....
At what point do Christians pray?
This is the point I pray to black candles while reading the psalms.
This time, it will be different. It will be a banishing spell on whoever is bending the truth to kill these animals.
I would highly suggest people who are lying polish up their resumes. If the dogs are killed, I would highly recommend these people get their affairs in order.
Whatever you do to another living being, will happen to you.
Heed my words.
Knock it off!
Your life will be as valuable as you value other life.
This is something I hate to do.
There was no reason for the shelter employee to try to intimidate me.
There was no reason for all the crap I've endured from city employees for over ten years now....NONE AT ALL.
There was no reason for the eight hour deposition or any of the stolen money. There was no reason to fine me for an issue committee that was closed out by my ex-husband three years before the council levied the fine. The worst part, they refused to work with me to pay this illicit fine I did not owe. I'm responsible. I'd have made payments just to be a good citizen. The council refused to let me do that.
My ex wound up stealing $10,000 out of my divorce settlement to pay it AFTER WE WERE DIVORCED!!!
Imagine my anger when I found that the illicit fine was only $500. So now the City of Aurora owes me $1,000 for their illegal fines.
I've had enough.
Maybe I should do a spell to get my money back during the new moon. I don't like spells. Remember the tale of the Monkey's Paw? Really....when you ask for money, you have to be very specific about where it comes from.
I dislike casting spells. I'd rather deal with it in the mundane world (e.g. fighting tax hikes).
I still scoff when I remember how the current councilman for the fourth district once had a high priced set of lawyers (Brown & Shrek) ask that Mrs. (my ex's last name) no longer publicize the names of abusive city employees.
I am no longer Mrs. anything. I never signed anything saying I won't publicize their names. If you harass someone in an email. The receiver has the right to publish that email in full online.
She has every right to share the backstory.
I'm not done. I'm sad about that. My work isn't done because the crap is still ongoing.
I'm one of those people you don't want watching you. It frustrates me to see abusive city employees doing this stuff to other families.
I decided to hunt down my old documentation to send to state lawmakers. We need to take away an exemption from State Law that this city abuses. I suspect this exemption is how bad managers, like Jennee S., force their employees to claim a shepherd mix is a wolf-hybrid. The other examples is Robin and Danielle P using the threat of fines to corral city employees into pushing bar owners to produce their books during happy hour!
You learn a lot during eight hour depositions.
The reason I am going to do this is because I believe that I'm not special. I fear for these families. I'm not going to be the only one harassed by city employees. I truly believe that these families fighting for their dogs are probably being harassed like we were.
The harassment I endured from the city probably saved my life When the cop cars hung outside my house, my stalkers weren't there.
I should have listened when the Shrek lawyer alluded to my being stalked. I had an unwanted security team, didn't I? They probably saw crap I never noticed.
This is probably why the cops NEVER took a stalking report because they'd have to admit to the harassment. Yeah....I'm thinking about taking a job as a victim's advocate. Can you imagine what I'll do if Aurora cops don't take reports from my clients??
I'll fix it.
I feel like a movie star now with all the cameras around my house!
**********
If you don't remember anything else.......
Remember.....
Animals are sacred to Pagans.
DOGS and CATS are sacred to witches. These are the very animals that this shelter kills.
NEVER EVER harm a dog or cat that is domesticated, healthy and loved.
You're playing with fire.
I hope this Jennee person polishes up her resume. I want the shelter leadership changed or the shelter shut down.
These people are full of themselves and drunk with power.
The last time I cast a binding spell to stop an unknown abuser at the city, the brat who fined and threatened me crashed her Jeep and had to be deposed sitting on a donut
I don't want to do this....but else can I do?
No one is listening. That was my experience in 2008 when they pulled this shit with me.
It gets worse. I've had a bad experience at this shelter.
I was threatened by a man of color when I visited the shelter back in 2014. I went back and found blood on the dog's kennel.
I've never forgiven them for this. I stayed away to protect the dogs. Dogs are dying whether or not I stay silent.
I may as well do what I hate to do.
NEVER threaten a hypnotist.
NEVER harass families.
NEVER ignore your tax base.
NEVER ever harm a dog that the hypnotist has visited in your kennel.
This is what makes it personal for me. This is going to create a lot of anger while I light that candle.
The anger is what leads to the negative outcomes.
Yeah, the blood on the walls is a clue that the Aurora Animal Shelter needs shut down. I don't want my hard earned tax dollars funding this facility.
I've NEVER forgiven the staff for the blood on the walls of the kennel that dog was in.
Now that I know that wasn't a one-off, I am angry enough to do things I dislike doing.
Knock it off NOW.
It would be wise to listen to people so they don't have to resort to religious prayer.
Some people don't pray in the same way you do.
If you're the asshole in charge.....
you have to ask yourself if I'm serious and this is your final warning to fix it
-or-
if I'm full of shit and trying to get you to change your ways via manipulation.
If it were me, I'd DO THE RIGHT THING NOW without wasting time trying to figure it out if this crazy blogger hypnotic witch is messing around.
Siegfred Out.
ONE MORE EDIT:
I GET A LOT OF HITS ON THE PAGES THAT FEATURE SPELLS.
This is NOT the one I'm going to cast. If I have to meddle with magick, I'm going much, much darker.
This one is nice. It is to Diana (aka Artemis, Ishtar, Innana, Bast,).
You can light a silver or white candle, etch the names of the dogs you want to protect in the candle (or all dogs at ______________shelter) and recite this spell. If you want to rub the candle in oil or light incense, I found that she likes Almond oil. Sandalwood, lemon and rose are good choices. If you are into pot, cannabis is fine, too. If you're in a state that allows that sort of thing.
This is best done on a Monday (for she is the Goddess of the moon). You can do this any day if you feel like the pups are in danger.
Diana, Goddess of the Wild, Keeper of dogs both fierce and mild, Hold (name of pet) safely in Your arms And protect this creature from all harm. And should the day come that he/she roams Guide him/her to the path back home. Bless (name of pet) with a joyful life Free of hardship, stress, and strife.
I had a busy day. I took the day off and wound up seeing three hypnosis clients and visiting the dentist.
I'd hoped to spend the night in my makeshift recording studio...but I fell asleep editing the recordings.
I have to edit out every unnatural sound, every plane that flies overhead, every car that zooms down the street....
You have to be awake for that!
I was energetic until I checked my email.
******************
Today was interesting to say the least.
I put in a couple of applications for counseling jobs.
I met a business coach that I might hire.
I also tried to clean out the basement.
My ex left one hell of a mess in the basement, piles of paper, clothes.....mold on the wall.....food and dishes all over....mice....yuck!
That's exhausting.
******************
I'm also a little bit annoyed at my ex-husband.
I've noticed that he's been calling the landline. There haven't been any messages. He calls on the days I take off from work.
He emailed me today....not to offer to pay child support....not to visit the children....but he wanted me to deliver papers to him that he claims are on the desk in the basement.
He told me to get his college transcripts so that he could get a real job.
Yeah ..why under employ yourself when alimony isn't a possibility?
I guess he won that round.
He claimed that he left them his college transcripts on the desk.
He did NOT!
There are piles of paper in the basement. This is why I'm going to lose my job.
My boss wants me to work from home. I have to clean up the house so the cable installation guy can get to the walls and install high speed broadband cable.
I have to have a paperless room that will pass inspection within ten days. There can be no mold on the floor or the walls, it has to pass whatever tests my employer has for it.
It has to be clean.
It has to be completely devoid of paper.
This guy thinks I can find his college transcripts?
I tried....I took 30 minutes to look for them. I used to keep them in a locked filing cabinet.
They weren't there.
They weren't on the desk.
His request bugs me.....
What does he think?
I'm going to leave his stuff as he left it? In piles? With food all around it?
Did he not think I'd have to clean up his crap?
He also complained that he didn't get the mail I forwarded to him weeks ago.
It hit me....
these requests....
they are excuses to visit the house.
He has his mail sent here as an excuse to come by.
I can't dare let him step foot in this house. The last time I did that, he refused to leave!
I realize now....
it's not over.
I'm probably going to have to find a way to move, aren't I?
I guess I'll leave that to the lawyers. The original separation agreement stated that we had to live three miles apart.
I may have to move a tad bit further than that to survive.
I guess I'll take this time to fall asleep.....maybe I can dream up more beautiful hypnotic meditations to give to my clients.
It's good to focus on the positive. There are times, though, when I have to jump out of the dream and see things the way they are.
I'm not out of the woods, am I?
The stalking is still a possibility.
I'm so tired of cleaning up after my ex and dealing with his shit....literally....you should have seen the poop I had to scrape out of the basement bathroom.
It's exhausting.
I'm off to bed.
Make sure you take care of yourselves, too.
Love ya,
S.
Next Day Edit: I think I'm supposed to forget about this crap. I can't. It's strange having your in-laws follow you around, harass your colleagues and block you in your driveway. It's bizarre having your ex stay in your house three years after your divorce is final without your consent.
Things are strange.
I don't know if they are dangerous.
They're uncomfortable.
I wish I knew what it was I am dealing with.
Edit Two Days Later: I'm wondering about the not visiting the children game. I'm wondering if it is leverage? He's facing jail now for his lack of honoring our divorce agreement (e.g. not moving out, not giving me the full settlement, not paying child support and so on). I haven't even mentioned his refusing to honor the parenting agreement and the property damage to the judge.
He's in contempt. He's facing jail time for that. There is a good chance he'll go to jail on the 30th of March.
I notice a lot of men don't visit their kids. These are the kind of men who don't pay child support. They say they don't pay child support because their ex-wives are withholding the children from them.
I don't believe that. Most women will welcome the time to themselves. I think guys who play this game are making excuses to avoid child support.
I wonder if he's trying to set me up?
Maybe it's leverage? Maybe he'll use a claim of parental alienation to shut me up. I really need that money he took from me so I can move forward. I know I'll never get it.
This IS what happens when men meddle with their wife's career. I'm in this boat because of the stalking and being run out of jobs and school. If he hadn't played those games, I'd be paying him support.
He's lucky he got away with refusing to work. I probably wouldn't have asked for rehabilitative alimony anyway. The first judge offered it to me. I deferred it for 18 months. At the 18th month, my ex "lost" his job. Because he was unemployed, the judge refused to review it.
He got lucky.
Or maybe not? Maybe these are games?
Maybe the contact was about trying to get me to talk to him in the hopes of dropping the contempt order. It's too late. He didn't show up to the last hearing. The order for his arrest is set in stone. I just asked that it be deferred until March 30th.
This is too crazy. It's too much.
I really don't want these games in my house or my life.
I have to clean up my basement. My ex-husband squatted in the basement for three years after our divorce.
The first year and a half, he had a traveling auditor's job. He was rarely here. He promised to move out once I got a good paying job.
When he was out of town, his relatives would do creepy crap around the house and scare the heck out of me.
It seemed to get worse when I advertised my hypnosis business or had job interviews.
One day, I met someone that I knew from a concert. He was recruiting for a health insurance company.
I couldn't place where I met him. We'll meddle with a letter in his name and call him Tim.
One August day, a guy I'd known for years and thought we were dating, took me to a concert. We had tickets on a makeshift dance floor. He sold my tickets after we arrived and the only other tickets available were in the stands. My alleged boyfriend spent the concert on the field (with someone else) as I was in the stands by myself.
I left in tears.
Tim and his friend saw me in tears, waved at me and tried to console me.
I just wanted to go home.
The concert was a mess. I would later learn my "boyfriend" was seeing a young friend of mine who he wound up hurting pretty badly (at least based on her apologetic phone conversations). For years, she'd call me up and apologize for what she terms as "ruining [my] life." I couldn't figure out why until she said the name of the guy who hurt her.
Wow....
I did a lot of work trying to convince her to finish college. This guy talked her out of it.
He's as ass.
Tim is not as ass.
I met Tim at this concert. I must have made an impression.
Tim's recommendation got me a very good paying gig selling insurance.
When I got that good paying job I needed, my ex "lost" his job and refused to move out. It took me 18 months to get a court order removing him from my home.
He lived in the basement.
He trashed it.
There is mold. He ruined the furniture. There is trash and junk all over the place. I put out two or three bags of trash each week. My kids are helping me pack his boxes.
******************************
I have a girl who uses the basement as a crash pad when her dad beats the holy shit out of her.
She's eighteen. She refuses to call the cops.
I let her stay here.
I don't like her sleeping on the bed my ex broke. She doesn't seem to mind it, but I do.
Part of my problem was fretting about buying new furniture.
I gave my mini-van to my ex (because he doesn't take care of his cars). Getting furniture home is a pain.
I can't lift more than ten pounds (long story...I need surgery). Yes, the guitars I like weigh more than ten pounds. I think the doctor fudged the numbers a bit. Forty pounds might be my limit.
I hate movers. They never show up time.
***********************
I went shopping for a daybed or a futon for this young lady.
I found one I liked but wanted to check the reviews.
I went to Amazon.
It had horrible reviews.
Then I discovered, Amazon ships daybeds and futons!!!
I can open the box and take the pieces bit by bit into the basement and assemble it there.
Problem solved!
Getting it put together will be a piece of cake.
I'm also looking at getting a dresser and a desk for her, too.
Amazon ships those.
***********************
There are times when being single is so much easier than fighting with a spouse about when to pick up a daybed, a dresser or a desk.
Or whether or not you can buy one....
Or take in a young woman with bruises...
It's nice. All I had to do is turn on the computer, press a couple of buttons and viola, problem solved!
No wonder people like being single!
Maybe I won't be in a hurry to find a cuddle buddy.
I was called into a meeting. My boss is trying very hard to get me to save my job by forcing me to work from home.
I know he's trying. He just doesn't understand....
HOME IS NOT MY SAFE PLACE!
He accommodated my hours. He accommodated my upcoming hearing.
Here is the problem, I hate my home.
I hate the spare rooms I have.
My ex lived there.
He left a horrible mess there.
It smells like rotten food, poop and body odor.
I spend hours each day trying to clean it up and I just end up having panic attacks on the floor.
The smell reminds me of all the scary times....the rants....the blocking me when I tried to leave the house.....the cornering me and telling me to run off and 'eff my friends.
It reminds me of Doug and Shannon....
the lies.....
and the frightening things I'm trying to escape.
Today the panic attack came to work with me.
*********
It could be that after I called the HR department, some idiot called me with a similar number. I answered thinking it was the HR department.
It turned out to be a jackass who bought a Groupon for his wife because he wants her to be super skinny. He wants me to promise I'll make his wife skinny and less bitchy.
He was very insistent. I think I pissed him off when I told him that I will work on what she wants to work on and if he wants a refund to contact Groupon.
Controlling men get on my nerves. That bothered me.
I was called into a meeting. I tried visualizing working from home. I could not breathe!
It was so bad, I went white. Everyone noticed.
I tried to hide myself. I started to shake.
I was in the back of the room and felt trapped.
The more they started talking about working from home, the more I saw myself working in that smelly, moldy basement......and the mess my ex left.
The worse my panic attack got.
I haven't had one for a very long time.
My eyes started to water uncontrollably.
I just sat there, trying to hide my face with my notebook.
I can't work from home!
Not right now. I can't do it!
It's not a safe place for me.
There were too many stalking incidents, too many suggestions of cameras spying on me, too much of a mess.....
the basement is frighteningly scary....
it is the only place with spare rooms that I could use for an office.
I have to clean it up so that the cable guy can install the broadband my employer demands.
I don't know if I want to pay to install cable into a room for a job I cannot handle.
*****************
There was a reason I sounded so happy to be at work.
The job didn't pay anything.
I was just happy to be there!
I was happy to have something to do for people who appreciated it!
I don't know how to explain this to an employer.
Maybe I should just find another job for a company that doesn't push telecommuting onto its employees.
******************
It's been eight hours since the meeting, I'm still having trouble breathing.
My eyes are still watering.
I have a headache.
This feels like all those nights I cried myself to sleep years ago;
those nights when the tears burned holes into my cheeks.
********************
I can't fathom how I can possibly work from home.
Maybe the best thing that could happen for me is that I'll get fired and lose my house.
That way I don't have to worry about the craziness anymore!
May you be happy no matter where you find yourself.
Today I am thankful for remembering a shitty time in my life.
So...this song reminds me of a drawing.
It was a portrait that a young man made of me back in '87.
It was a very good likeness.
It was so good that our high school art teacher put it in the showcase for the entire school to see.
Everyone knew it was me.
Yep.....
It was drawn by my soon-to-be ex boyfriend.
I think this is probably the real reason I run from him.
He shamed me for being what he wanted me to be.
Let me explain....
The absolute dumbest mistake men make in relationships is to ridicule a woman for her sexuality.
Some guys ridicule the women they love.....
These kind of guys call their loves loose or sluts when they want to make 'em feel like men.
So....she starts to hold back.
Then they wonder why the relationship goes cold sexually as the woman begins to withhold the nooky. Stupid, eh?
The thing that pissed me off most about this guy, is that when I wanted to audition as a bass player for a local band....
he told me I'd become the hole.
He thought the only reason I was invited to audition was because I had a vagina.
Truth is, I'm an asshole in heels
and by the time I was sixteen, I'd have a lot of experience fighting off some really scary dudes....
I would never be a hole in a band.
Electric guitars are dangerous.....
there are a lot of ways to take down abusive musicians.
I've never had to electrocute someone, poison a reed, make someone wear a snare as a necklace, shove a drumstick in an eye, or push my 5" heels up someone's arse.
The worst thing that had ever happened to me was this...
I once had a harmonica player say he masturbated with his instruments - I never touched his harmonica because I don't know where he kept it.
Right now, I can't think of a musician who bothered me.
Maybe it pays to be ugly.
I don't know.....
I'd never be a band slut. As a roadie, I'd certainly be no fun.
I'd lust after the guitars....
It is weird when bass players catch me staring....
Actually that's not the weird part....
it's weird when their significant others catch me staring!
I never would have been a hole in a band....
even when I was playing with a band of lesbians....
I was a celibate hole.
That's how insecure this guy was....
I was not allowed to have any type of sexuality.
If I cracked an innuendo
he thought I was a slut so I had to tone it down.
If I couldn't....he'd ridicule me.
The drawing was his way of shaming me for my sexuality.
If she wants it from him....she's loose or a slut.
That's what he said to me.
I didn't let that stop me at first.
So....he embarrassed me with a very well done portrait of me with a vagina in my forehead.
He called it "Sex on the Brain."
That was annoying.
******
Rhianna has a song called "Love on the Brain."
When I hear this song on the radio, it reminds me of the drawing.
It reminds me why I run away.....maybe the dreams will finally stop.
I can't 'eff someone who ridicules me for wanting to do that! '
I guarantee at 47, he wants someone who wants him.
I hope he's found her.
Here's a hint - reward her for wanting you. Don't punish her and wonder why she won't kiss your special package!
Geesh!!
****************
That said....
I was pleasantly surprised at the behavior of the young men I knew.
Only one guy tried to take advantage of the situation.....he learned I broke up with my ex and showed up on my doorstep. I gave him a soda and he was upset he didn't get anything more.
He still lives across the street from my childhood home. I try not to grin when my aunt and uncle mention him.
He's not the angel they thought he was!!!
The other boys were my friends. They didn't try to kiss me or raid the soda. They were not impressed with my ex's behavior and I hear they gave my ex hell for picking on me like that.
I hear they picked on him for his Scottish clothes. I grew up in a cow town. Back in the 80's ranchers didn't really understand kilts.
I don't know. I hear stories from my ex-husband about those days. They may be lies intended to embarrass me.
I'll never know.
Some of these guys are my friends to this day. I know their wives.
I guess nice men have better lives and happier wives.
************************
Time plays tricks on our memory.
This is especially true when it comes to our exes.
Our brains are hardwired to remember the good times.
We remember the romantic times.
The bad things fade with time.
We forget them.
This is why we romanticize bad relationships and wish to be with people who broke our hearts.
Rhianna reminded me why......
why I took off....
Why I still run....
I guess I can stop running now!
He won't recognize me with the gray hair and my newly discovered smirk wrinkle!
And before I remembered why, I was always repressed around this guy....even 25 years after we broke up!
I usually flirt and play in public.
I never could do that with him.
******************
Do you what Rhianna song makes me smirk?
I'll post it below.
I played it for another ex....once.
He couldn't walk in the bakery section of the grocery store when I was around....
Just for yucks and giggles, I bought birthday cake ice cream.
He lost it!!!
The smirk wrinkle is my punishment for being a tease.
I miss humming when I [censored]......sigh......
This would be a fun song to serenade the right guy with.....
I wonder if they have something similar at the local Karaoke show. I've got a crush on the DJ (hey...he rescued me....that's crush worthy).
I'll ask.....
Well, maybe not. Nobody wants Ms. Piggy singing that to them no matter how kind hearted they are!
I need a guy who will let me make him feel like a sex god.....I guess I need to work on looking like a goddess first.
I needed to remember why....
I still cross my legs and act all inhibited around that old guy I dated all those many years ago.
I guess it's cellular memory....making me small around him....repressing my jokes, my grins, my touch...
The years didn't take away my fear of being sexual around him....
even when the Goddess brought him to me.....
to a Chinese restaurant....
where the waitress was trying to get him to buy me roses....
Twenty some odd years after the drawing....
I couldn't even eat around him!
I couldn't be me.....I was in my city....my home turf....the place I was running for mayor....on the biggest speech giving day of the year (April 15)....
and I couldn't feel anything around him....
April 15th is my angry day.
This day I felt nothing.
That's why, isn't it?
I was subconsciously afraid my emotion would end up as a drawing on DeviantART or something!!!
Maybe I needed to remember the reason for the awkwardness.
May you find the one who brings out your hotness.
May all your songs make you smile, smirk or grin!
Love ya,
S.
Next day edit: I burned my love candle....it melted into a little heart shaped puddle. The initials in it are MOP.
Yep, I mopped up the nightmares. I slept fairly well. No nightmares.....nothing.
I pray it continues....
It's good to remember the truth.
Although it is important to remember the truth, it also important to forgive. I think I forgave that ex a very long time ago.
If he needs me or if pocket dials me....I reach out.
I don't like reaching out because, I my mind, I've been replaced with a hot chick and don't want to rock the boat.
If he, the hot chick or his children need a kidney.....and mine still function. I'll be here.
I owe him a life debt. He saved my life a very long time ago.
He's forgiven for being silly.
Those days he visited with me, with love in his eyes and the beautiful hugs that only he could give - those days - after years had passed and the feelings still fill the air....
I realize that I am too repressed around him.
I'm stiff and quiet and boring.
He argues with me about psychology and, maybe, I forget my graduate training.
He tells me about meeting the Mayor of his city when both men were relieving themselves in a river (eewww). I forget to tell him that I threw my hat in the ring of the city where he's complaining about the traffic.
I just sit there quiet.
It was worse on Facebook. He equated me to Ayn Rand. I couldn't find it within myself to tell him and Rand hated Libertarians and thought women were stupid and docile. She wrote fiction. She wasn't a philosopher. I'm not a fan.
Maybe I am like Ayn Rand when I am with him. I don't do anything. I don't say anything. I just.....sit....repressed.....trying to covertly hypnotize him to see what I see in him.
That's boring!
I'm no fun around him.
Life is all about having fun.
Now I know why.
I don't know how to fix it. I play mind games with people for a living. I can't figure out the game that I need to play with myself to stop from being a petulant repressed stiff person in front of this man.
So.....it's good to know why. It's good to know where my limits are.
The man is forgiven. The pain has faded into a funny story that makes me bust up laughing when Rhianna plays on the radio.
This video is strange. It appears to be done in honor of Oshun (African Goddess of Love who was so poor she washed her clothes in the river until they became Golden). The song has lyrics about Bathsheba and David (Soloman's parents...read 2 Samuel 11). It speaks to me on a metaphysical level today - maybe - a little. Today I am thankful for intention.
I have a hypnotism mentor.
He has a YouTube channel.
This guy says the darndest things.
He said that the subconscious mind is like a genie on steroids.
So....maybe all the interesting things that happen to me are due to my crazy subconscious mind rather than the 466 djinn I allegedly own.
I went to the Pagan store and bought a lot of candles and oils. The owner mixed them up for me and put them in a baggie.
She sold me something called "Road Opener Oil" so I can find a job.
I asked if it was like leaving cigars by the door for Papa Legba. In my tradition, Papa Legba is Dionysus (Bacchus, Liber and such). He'll teach you play guitar for candy, cigars and whiskey, if you leave his goodies at the crossroads or the front door.
The Christians say I have to sell my soul but I don't have one. I have auburn hair.
I'm not alone.
I love my redheaded sisters on South Broadway! I bought enough oils to cast spells on this entire city!
I'm just too lazy to do that.
******
I'm addicted to thrift shopping.
It's stupid I know.
I ran into a Christian thrift shop and found a brand new Voodoo relationship candle. I was too cheap and embarrassed to buy them at the Pagan shop for $18 each.
It was .99 cents at the thrift shop. Hell, it helps fund a church.
I bought it figuring it was evidence of some stupid intention I had created at the Pagan shop.
Voodoo candles are interesting. You can get them in red or pink.
You can get them in various poses, some sexual and some boring.
This was a boring, red one of a couple attached at the hip with sparkles in it.
So.....it's for love (maybe matrimony)......
I'm not sure what the sparkles signify (wealth???? feminine power???).
I figured it was meant for me.
I guess I'm tired of being lonely.
I decided that I would start by writing down what I want in a man.
Attributes: Kind hearted, likes dogs, likes kids, likes [censored], likes getting [censored], wants a monogamous relationship (I've lost a few friends to Aids), won't get pissed if I develop a Botox addiction, honest (but tactful), has his own hobbies, lets me have my own hobbies, likes music of most genres, understands why people collect guitars and saxophones....
Maybe an artist?
Maybe a mechanic (good with his hands)?
Maybe the Gods can surprise me?
I don't know.
I haven't really thought about too much. It basically comes down to "good man, doesn't hit, doesn't care to control people, is too busy to stalk anyone and just wants a good time in a good relationship..."
Right now,
I am sitting here having trouble breathing.
Yeah....I went to the store and promised to buy the teenagers a good dinner. Get this....shrimp was on sale for $1.79 a pound. I bought popcorn shrimp. I bought coconut shrimp.
I bought 5 pounds of shrimp! That's a cheap dinner. I paid more for the salad!
They love seafood.
I bought stuffed mushrooms for me because I'm deathly allergic to shrimp.
They fell asleep after eating, so I put dinner away.
Now, I can't breath.
I am realizing that I .....I need to find a guy who will eat all the shrimp I buy so I don't touch it prior to falling asleep at night.
I can't breathe.
I'm too cheap to go to the emergency room.
I probably should try some Benadryl before I faint. I'll take a quadruple dose.
*******
So...the Pagan spell goes something like this.....
Make a love oil (depending on what you want you can use roses and ylang ylang -or- if you want a romp in the hay get cloves and allspice).
Rub it on a candle. The direction depends on what you want. Do you want to find someone to attach to your hip? Or are you trying to push someone away?
Put a list of attributes you want under the candle (or carve it in the candle).
Don't carve a name on the candle. There's no fun in that! Although the universe tends to burn one specific name in my candles.
I think I'm just delusional.
Some poor guy named MOT is in for a world of hurt. If I meet a guy named MOT, I'm running for the hills!!
Maybe MOT is a chick?
Hmmmm......must be the Artemis oil.
Anyway, after you figure out what you want, wait for a Friday (or a Tuesday if you want to have a LOT of fun)......
Burn it.
******
I guess I've procrastinated long enough.
I'll take my meds now.
I think I have a death wish. Last week, at a company function someone gave yogurt with chocolate peanut butter sprinkles.
I couldn't breathe. I'm allergic to peanuts.
Maybe they didn't want to pay my severance! Just teasing.......
Maybe when I can breathe, I'll find a real spell to share.
I think I want someone who will keep me from doing stupid stuff.....like touching shrimp and licking my fingers. I can't even fathom how I got the shrimp in my mouth!
I must have eaten something without washing my hands????
My lips are blue.
Maybe I want someone who can dial 911, too.
Damn it.....
Love ya lots.
Stay safe out there!
I'll write when I'm in less of a brain fog.
S.
Next day edit: So....I fainted in the bathroom. I tried to brush my teeth and fell.
I awoke and lit a candle. I have a red love candle. It used to say MOT. The T morphed into a P and the O might look like an A.
I'm thinking my true love is named MOP or MAP. You know, I need a new mop!!!
Maybe the spell is working!!!
Tonight, I came home and ate a roll from yesterday's dinner. My breathing issue has started up again. I think someone touched the bread after touching shrimp.
Lesson learned....avoid cross contamination!
Let's see if I can find a love spell to share......
Maybe I'll wait.....Venus is retrograde. All a love spell will do during Venus retrograde is bring back an ex.
Don't cast a love spell until after tax day...unless you want to apologize to an ex for being a dolt.
Today I am thankful for the lessons my hypnosis clients teach me.
Early this morning, my phone went off.
A woman from a little town two hours away wanted to drive to my office to stop smoking NOW.
I used to run a special charging $250 rather than my full fee of $600.
She saw an old ad and had cash.
The other hypnotist I knew in the area moved recently and didn't work the weekends, so I told her to come on down.
I took a long bath. I drove out to the office and worked on a recording.
I promised her four visits for $140.00.
That's what Groupon charges and I don't see how fair it is for her to pay more, especially since she's driving a long way just to see me.
Yeah.....I'm crazy.
I talked myself out of $110.00.
Tomorrow, I am seeing an elderly couple. They offered to pay me $300 an hour to see both of them and teach them how to relax.
I couldn't take their money.
They're on Medicare. I can't keep them from buying food or paying the rent.
They heard about me while researching their Health Maintenance Organization. I don't know how that happened.
I used to sell Medicare plans for their HMO....a very, very long time ago. It is possible I sold them their policy. Maybe they looked up my name?
I didn't ask. In talking to them, I got a sense for why they are stressed out and asked them to call their primary care doctor to ensure that there wasn't a medical reason for their stress.
I'm making them personalized recordings. I charge $100 for that.
As I sat in my recording studio, I realized that in 24 hours I talked myself out of $610 of income.
After the company I work for took away my commissions, my salary has only been $710 a week. I used to make $1,000 a month in commissions. They didn't like paying it, so they took away my commissions and gave me a $2.00 an hour raise. I was so happy to work in a safe place, I didn't balk at that at all.
Now they want me to work from home in a dedicated room. The only free rooms I have are the ones my ex-husband trashed. We've spent hours trying to clean up the mess. It's going to take weeks to clean and sort through everything. There is really no way I can meet my employer's demands as quick as they'd like.
To be honest, the office due date is moving target. They wanted it by April 16th, then April 4th. Now I have to have it ready by March 8th. It's not going to happen.
They want me to install Broadband cable into the room by that date. Have you ever dealt with Comcast? It's easier to summon a demon than a Comcast tech!
Besides, the company wants to inspect my house on a whim without notice. Everything is supposed to be paperless. I can't have surveillance equipment. All of this kinda creeps me out, too. I'm scared I may become rattled and grab my rifle. I still jump when people I don't know come to the door or block my driveway.....even when I know it's not Doug or a member of Michael's family.
Working from home is probably a bad idea for me. It's one thing for them to have crazy, dysfunction and obnoxious rules in their offices but to bring them into my home isn't really a good thing for my family.
I probably should be unemployed.
I'm not unemployed. I'm working two jobs.
There was a moment when I realized how much money I passed by in those 24 hours.
In that moment, staring into my pop filter, I realized that the lesson that I learned from these three beautiful clients is that I CAN make just as much money, if not more, doing hypnosis that I did teaching sales skills to insurance salesman.
If people are willing to drive hours just to see me and pay full price, I must be doing something right!
I'm going to take the severance package and look for another job.
Still.....I know that company is sinking and that the jobs won't be there in three months It's annoying they want me to pay the costs of the internet installation and service fees. I understand that they'd want me to buy office furniture but the idea that I have to purchase a specific product to help them meet their goals, shows that the division is financially unstable.
Yes, this company is being sued for Medicare fraud. I'm sure they're going to have to make huge cuts to survive. We don't talk about this at the office. I saw it in the paper.
Bizarrely enough, I don't sell for the company being sued. I work for them but sell for their biggest competitor. I'm hoping the people I sell for realize how bad the ship is sinking.
I have the feeling that I'm jumping off of the Titanic.
Thank Goodness I brought along my own life boat.
***********************
I'm thankful I met the beautiful souls I met today.
I think I learn just as much from my clients as they learn from me.
I think the peace of mind and the lesson they taught me far exceeds the value of the $610 worth of services I gave away today.
