Narcissist Tip Off

Today I am thankful for insight.

I spent six hours yesterday trying to talk to Michael about what he wanted.

He tells me it doesn't matter.

I let him know that I need to know what to expect, I'd like to know if he's planning on moving out .

He won't tell me.

I told him that I was creeped out by the stalking.

He says he has nothing to do with it.

Exasperated, I finally told him that the only reason he was here was due to his stubbornness.

He was supposed to move out in October of 2013.

He never did.

It didn't bother me so much when he was traveling all of the time.  He'd only be here on a few weekends and need a ride to the airport.

Since he lost (or gave up his job), he's been here non-stop.  I can't use the home gym because it is in the basement.  He's here constantly.  I can't call the shelters or the stalking hotlines.  I can't contact lawyers.  I can't invite people over.  He is here...all...of...the...time. 

I feel trapped. 

Maybe I'm supposed to feel trapped.

I've spent several hours each week trying to talk to him about moving on and out.

We've never had an agreement allowing him to stay here.

He just never packs his stuff.  In fact, I started packing him up in September of 2013 when we signed the divorce agreement.  Those boxes are still in my closet. 

I need to find a way to hire an attorney.

I need someone to come up with an agreement and force Michael to honor it.

I am frustrated.

I went to my therapist to talk it all out.

I walked away with this tidbit -

A narcissist is someone who makes decisions for you without consulting you.

Yes, this was the case.

I lent him $4,000 to go to his friend's wedding.  He promised he would return the money he didn't use.

He said he only spent $1,800 on the trip.  I never saw the money.  He decided it would be better spent on collectibles than returned to me.

This was 1994.

******

That year, I didn't want him living with me.  I wound up getting kicked out of my apartment.  My landlord told me a woman continually called her telling her that Michael was living with me.  She said that this woman called so much, it was wasting the time of the staff.  This went on for three weeks and I was told that if this woman didn't stop calling, I'd be evicted.  Within a week, someone broke into my apartment, destroyed the lock, punched a hole in the wall and damaged the pipes.

I was given a three day eviction notice.  That day, my ex-husband's uncle asked that we move into his house and it was ready for us.

I'm pretty sure Michael was behind that.

*****

He took my life savings shortly after we were married and put it on a house I didn't want.  The house was in a bad neighborhood.  There was no access to public transportation and it was an hour away from work. When I objected, he started to yell at me.

He already put the money on the house.  I would have lost it if I didn't go through with the mortgage.

Once we moved in - he took my car.

I couldn't keep my job.

*****

This time....he decided that if he were nice to me, I'd take him back without asking him to go into therapy.

The deal we had was, he could stay if he were in therapy and we had a legal agreement allowing him to stay.

He refuses to talk about the legal agreement.  He's never gone into therapy.

Why?

Well....he decided he could stay......if he were nice....without talking to me.  Of course, he didn't tell me this until last week.

Ugh....

*****

I am frustrated.  I am expected to play nice because it is Christmas.

I share this in case someone else resonates with it. 

On the bright side, I'm too busy to cry too much about it now.

If he wanted me, he would have gone into therapy years ago.  He hates his mother so much so, we couldn't be intimate.  I reminded him of her.

Therapy would have kept us from living over a decade in celibacy.

It's unfair to ask me to continue to live this way. 

I feel guilty for wanting to move him out of the house -but- if he wanted to stay here, he would have treated me with more respect.  He would have not yelled at me, lied to me, lied about me and encouraged his family to stalk me.

I'm tired. 

I really am.

I am looking at apartments.  Yes, he gave me the house in the divorce -but- if I am not safe here, it's time for me to move on.

Love ya,

S.