Still Breathing

 

Today I am thankful that I'm still breathing. 

This was today's horoscope:

Your Sun Sign: ****
A long-standing legal battle, which may have been the source of a lot of worry and anxiety for you, will finally be concluded in your favour. You can finally get back to your normal routine now that this matter will cease to remain a distraction for you. It is time to move on in life, especially mentally and emotionally.

That would be nice. 

But....

I still haven't received the paperwork from the lawyer's office.  If I have to continually remind them to send it to me, I'm not going to do business with them.  I'd would suck if they forgot to file the divorce paperwork, or my separation agreement, or some major document necessary to get this over with. 

If you are a lawyer, do not make a bad impression by allowing your paralegals to ignore paperwork requests.  I'm trying to pay him...in advance!

I did a Google search for this lawyer's reviews.  It seems that missing paperwork is a common issue.

That's sad.  He really seemed to know what he was doing.   Maybe I'll try a third time.  This guy seems to be smart enough to get the job done with minimal effort.  He is also fairly diplomatic.  I'd rather go with someone who doesn't want to go into war mode. 

I've got a call into my Facebook friend's legal office.  He's a fellow activist.  I didn't want to hire a familiar face to handle my divorce but I really do not have another choice in the matter. 

I really don't want my conservative friend knowing that I'm a pushover with a narcissist; if I ever have to go toe to toe with a candidate that he supports, they'd have a strategy to defeat me!  All they'd have to do is act like Mike!  I can see it now, they'd start jumping up and down, screaming, spitting food at me while telling me that they weren't the ones who stole my yard signs!! 

Yeah, I'll try the other lawyer again.  It has to be done now.  *

 If I wait much longer, I won't be able to get this done because the money will go missing.

I don't know what other forms of punishment Michael or his family are getting ready to dish out. 

The problem with playing the game with Michael is that he got used to this.  He takes something I want, convinces me to put up with it temporarily, and then it becomes permanent.  Then he decides to take something else.  I've lost jobs, cars, money, housing, friends, businesses, intimacy, health care, sex, affection, and with the stalking - I've lost my sense of safety. 

I don't understand Mike. 

I don't. 

He claims that he lied to me for six years when he said we were getting divorced. 

Now, how does a woman in that position restore her heart?

If someone rejects you for years over shit his mother said and refuses to talk about it because he plans to divorce you, you get to the point you don't think of him as your spouse, lover, or best friend. 

He becomes a stranger. 

Couple that with lies, punishment, theft, harassment and stalking, is there any going back? 

Once a heart is turned away, can it be turned back? 

Even yesterday, he sat in front of me lying to me.  I don't know how to deal with it. 

If he wants to be so much as a friend, he's going to have to try harder than that. 

He told me that he didn't want to get his sister arrested for stalking me, so he wouldn't call the police right away.  It makes me wonder what else he knows. 

I'm trying to understand why SHE is doing this.

Why would a sister-in-law stalk and harass his brother's wife? 

Why would she take threaten a neighbor with a pistol?

Why would she harass my college professors?

Why would she harass my co-workers?

Why would she try to break into my house?

Why would she recruit her friends to harass me on the job? 

It makes no sense! 

Nothing makes sense. 

I know it is her!  I saw her myself! 

Mike says that it is something his mother is pressuring his sister to do for her.  I don't know about that. 

How does his mother know so much about me? 

Mike has to be telling her stuff or he is in contact with someone who is giving her information.  How did they know what car I drove?  What I looked like?  When I was out in public with my friends?

I don't know if they are trying to run me off or trying to intimidate me into staying.  It is so much easier just to tell me what the heck they want!!  Stalking a isn't cheap habit.  GPS boxes are expensive.  Gas is expensive.  Bail is expensive. 

I'm not sure what is going to happen.

It's not my issue.  It's Mike's crap.  If his family is stalking me, it is his issue.  If he can't clean it up, he's got to go! 

I think I studied psychology to try to understand mental illness.  I want to understand what goes through peoples' minds when they are acting out.  I can't.  It doesn't matter how much I read.  I can't understand why he is doing the things he is doing.   I don't understand why Shannon is doing the strange things she is doing. 

It is taking up too much of my time trying to figure it out. 

I'll keep you apprised. 

Love ya,

S. 

* Edit: 7:00 p.m.  Well, the paralegal didn't respond yet again.  I'm going to call someone else.