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Head Games




Today I am thankful for head games. 
 
 
I know it sounds mean but one thing that keeps me ahead of narcissistic in-laws, borderline former foster siblings, and nasty politicians is my propensity for messing with the minds of evil people. 
 
 
Disordered and insecure people will hunt down information online rather than talk to you directly. 
 
 
They want to try to figure you out rather than get to know you as you are. 
 
 
I like to mess with people like that.  This is why I have a crazy blog to throw off the lawyers, the sister-in-law, the stalking ex, the crazy foster sister, and my political enemies. 
 
 
They can't peg me, so they lose.   If they dare repeat this, they'll look foolish. 
 
 
I saw this meme today, it is something that I've never used yet.  I may try this one the next time I meet a politician of ill-repute.   
 
 
 
 
I am not very nice. 
 
I guess that makes me come off as crazy.  Or I can come off as a comedian. 
 
I don't know.  I don't care. 
 
Crazy is okay.  The real crazy people leave you alone when they are not sure if you are sane or not.
 
 
 
 
 
If a man I love wants to consider me crazy, that's fine by me.  I'm not crazy enough to enter into a relationship right now. 
 
I do not subscribe to the notion of normality.  There really is no such thing.  When you hold a post-grad in psychology, you realize what "crazy" really is. 
 
I'm not psychotic. 
 
I'm pagan...
 
but not psychotic. 
 
If you are swimming with sharks, you've got to bare your teeth once in a while. 
 
I have to be "crazy" to survive. 
 
I'm nearly crazied out. 
 
I'm pretty sure that this is good-bye to my cutie.  
 
I'm tired of not being able to talk to him directly. 
 
I'm too busy for that. 
 
I don't like being judged.  I sent my first love packing for that.  He hasn't said a judgmental thing to me in over twenty-six years but I have a hard time trusting him.  This is why I won't tell him much about my life.  
 
I should get over that.
 
This is why I never truly opened up to Steve.  I had the sense that it was only a matter of time before he started to judge me like he does everyone else. 
 
Sigh...
 
Men who tend to claim the women they desire are crazy tend to be projecting their fear of not being sane onto a mirror.  A man who does that often considers himself crazy as well, at least on a subconscious level.  
 
We are what we attract.  
 
Or he could be upset that I haven't milked him. 
 
I don't know. 
 
It's probably the later. 
 
I know that if I did what I wanted to do and he took the relationship further before things were signed on the dotted line, he'd never trust that I wouldn't cheat on him.  
 
I can't do that to him. 
 
If he needs it now, I'm sure he can easily find someone better. 
 
 
Now, I get to nurse more pieces of my torn up heart.   This is the second love interest I've turned away in three years due to the stalking, freaky, abusive crap.   I couldn't hurt either guy.  It hurts me.
 
I think my poor, old heart is zombiefied by now. 
 
Love ya,
 
 
S.  


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