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Researching a Judge

Today I am thankful I finally have the name of the judge who allowed my stalker ex to live with me for 60 more days.

My ex is trying to evade the next court hearing.  I think he is doing that so he can buy himself more time in the status quo.

This judge should know better.  It appears that when he was a judge with Douglas County, he granted a restraining order to a woman who was murdered by the subject of the restraining order a few days later.

 This judge knows the worst case scenario.

http://www.denverpost.com/headlines/ci_18092538#ixzz1MnYVRPQd


I missed my meeting with a local lawmaker last week because I was asked to work.

I'm going to try to meet with lawmakers from a town I used to do activism in.  This lawmaker likes to help foster children.  We'll talk about the hardships foster children face when we meet.

Maybe she'll listen. 

Our judges really need to understand stalking and domestic violence.  We were divorced nearly three years ago.  He said we would divorce nine years ago; he's been making excuses to stay here since.

It's about control.  Sure, he hasn't hit me. He has hit walls, cars, tables and made choking gestures at me to get me to shut up.  How long will it be before he hits me?

I'm no longer the person who kept shrinking herself to fit into his world.  Whenever I step out of the role he built for me, the stalking picks up.

I know he is behind the stalking.  The cops tell me that when he moves out, I'll be safer.

Why can't I move him out?

Any judge who thinks that a woman has to continue to live this way because the guy has gotten away with bad behavior this long - just doesn't get it.

I'm trying to get away.

I can't.

Cops don't take stalking reports.  They tell me to keep him away and he'll stop messing with my head.  They tell me I'm in danger but that the children are safe.

We don't know what his family is willing to do. 

Yeah....maybe I am a tough cookie.  That doesn't mean I want to live like this.

That doesn't mean that this is good for our teenage girls. 

What are we teaching these young ladies to put up with?  

I'm having trouble finding time to see the counselor.  I have five more visits to use by the end of the year.  I'm having to work two jobs, I'm having a tough time carving out time.

I need to get the kids in counseling. The stalking has caused us to shrink our lives.  We don't go outside.  We don't live.

I'm trying to get away so we can live.

Why would a judge force me to live like this?

Perhaps this is is a systemic issue rather than an oversight. 

I don't know yet.

Why do I have to continue living with this way?

I'm trying to get away.

I've been trying to get away for years.  I finally managed to save up money for a lawyer, little good it did me.

I'm sure the last thing this judge wants is a second murder under his belt. My circumstances are different.  I could never get a restraining order because cops don't want to take police reports.  It's hard because my ex is getting his family to harass me.  It's hard for Aurora cops to arrest people who live in Littleton, Westminster and Thornton.

There has to be an answer that will benefit the community.  I hope I can find a way to change things so no other woman is stuck with a controlling ex.

The worst thing is that I don't think my ex is taking things seriously. He keeps getting what he wants.

He finally joined a job training program last week.  He refuses to say when he'll move out.  I can't see how he could.  Even if he found a job paying $50,000 (like his last job), it is doubtful he could save enough money to make a down payment on an apartment.

I gave him the vehicle I was awarded in the divorce.  When I gave it to him, it was to save his job.  He let his car fall apart and didn't have transportation.  Last summer, someone hit the van.  He received $1,980.  I signed it over to him with the intention of allowing him to collect the money to move out with.

This was July.  He's still here. 

He's not going to leave.

He isn't going anywhere.  He'll lie.  He'll agree to anything.

He'll never follow through.  We need to have consequences that will push him to follow through.  I need something that the police can enforce.

I don't know what police need to take action.

I've got to find a way to repair the house so I can sell it and move away.

That's probably the only way to stay safe.

Wishing you all safety and peace,

S.  

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