Today I am thankful for blankets and the fact I can let the water run to prevent the pipes from bursting.
Monday night, I did a ritual to protect the people in Arvada from the cold.
When I arrived home on Tuesday, my ex told me that the furnace had gone out.
I'm nearly on the verge of tears because I really don't know what in the world is going on.
I'd cry but I don't want the tears to freeze.
We still do not have heat. I think the motor on the furnace is bad. I'm looking at $4,000 for a replacement.
If I hadn't had to spend $4,500 on a lawyer, I could have paid cash for the furnace -but- I hired a lawyer thinking it help stop the bullshit.
It didn't.
It just siphoned my money. I'm still supporting my ex-husband. Things are still being broken. Last week it was the locks on my garage door.
Yesterday it was the furnace.
This is getting expensive.
******
I find myself wondering why my ex-husband is running around claiming that he's the victim of stalking.
He says his family is harassing me because he's not talking to them.
They don't harass him.
They harass me.
The police tell me that they are working in tandem with my ex-husband. The police tell me that my ex will do crazy things to be allowed to stay with me and that once he moves out it will be harder for them to stalk me.
Getting him away from me seems impossible due to the court system.
He swears up and down that he is the victim.
I ask why he won't help me solve the stalking problem.
I ask why he doesn't think I should move out and away from the harassers.
I ask him why he won't seek therapy to learn how to be safe from the stalkers.
When I ask these questions, he just ignores me.
It breaks my heart.
*******
I could not take today off of work. It's the seventh of December. It's the biggest day in the Medicare insurance sales world. I HAD to work.
In fact, I actually had another job offer this morning. Medicare sales is only hot between October 15th through December 7th. Accepting that other job is a one day deal.
I wasn't interested.
The family will have to go without heat just one more day while I scramble to get money to either buy a new furnace or fix the old one.
I'm sad.
I really don't know what is going on.
That's what I want....to know what in the world is going on.
What is the truth?
What is coincidence?
What is sabotage?
What is really going on.
I also wonder.....
Am I worthy of love someday?
Am I doomed to be alone because this will never end?
I've been alone for many years.
He started calling me his ex over nine years ago.
It's been too long.
Tonight, of all nights, it would be nice to share my bed with someone.
I just share it with books.
On the bright side, I have so many clothes that I'm going to pile them over me to keep me warm.
Maybe all those dresses I bought on sale will help get me through the night.
Stay warm.
Love ya lots,
S.
Monday night, I did a ritual to protect the people in Arvada from the cold.
When I arrived home on Tuesday, my ex told me that the furnace had gone out.
I'm nearly on the verge of tears because I really don't know what in the world is going on.
I'd cry but I don't want the tears to freeze.
We still do not have heat. I think the motor on the furnace is bad. I'm looking at $4,000 for a replacement.
If I hadn't had to spend $4,500 on a lawyer, I could have paid cash for the furnace -but- I hired a lawyer thinking it help stop the bullshit.
It didn't.
It just siphoned my money. I'm still supporting my ex-husband. Things are still being broken. Last week it was the locks on my garage door.
Yesterday it was the furnace.
This is getting expensive.
******
I find myself wondering why my ex-husband is running around claiming that he's the victim of stalking.
He says his family is harassing me because he's not talking to them.
They don't harass him.
They harass me.
The police tell me that they are working in tandem with my ex-husband. The police tell me that my ex will do crazy things to be allowed to stay with me and that once he moves out it will be harder for them to stalk me.
Getting him away from me seems impossible due to the court system.
He swears up and down that he is the victim.
I ask why he won't help me solve the stalking problem.
I ask why he doesn't think I should move out and away from the harassers.
I ask him why he won't seek therapy to learn how to be safe from the stalkers.
When I ask these questions, he just ignores me.
It breaks my heart.
*******
I could not take today off of work. It's the seventh of December. It's the biggest day in the Medicare insurance sales world. I HAD to work.
In fact, I actually had another job offer this morning. Medicare sales is only hot between October 15th through December 7th. Accepting that other job is a one day deal.
I wasn't interested.
The family will have to go without heat just one more day while I scramble to get money to either buy a new furnace or fix the old one.
I'm sad.
I really don't know what is going on.
That's what I want....to know what in the world is going on.
What is the truth?
What is coincidence?
What is sabotage?
What is really going on.
I also wonder.....
Am I worthy of love someday?
Am I doomed to be alone because this will never end?
I've been alone for many years.
He started calling me his ex over nine years ago.
It's been too long.
Tonight, of all nights, it would be nice to share my bed with someone.
I just share it with books.
On the bright side, I have so many clothes that I'm going to pile them over me to keep me warm.
Maybe all those dresses I bought on sale will help get me through the night.
Stay warm.
Love ya lots,
S.