I am thankful when the gaslighting stops bothering me.
I'm not so thankful when the gas lights go out.
So....things are breaking in my house.
In the past four months,
I've discovered that there are mice living in the basement.
Yesterday I was told there was a leak in the basement bathroom that is leaving mold on the wall in the bedroom my ex-husband lives in.
Today, he informs me that the furnace isn't working.
Within eight weeks of his losing his job, I had to replace the hot water heater, two or three phones, one computer and a washing machine.
The gutters are falling apart, that I knew. I have been trying to replace them.....
but....I don't earn enough money for a home equity loan. To get the loan, I must prove that I get child support.
I don't.
So.....I don't know what to do.
My ex is lazy.
He won't help.
I came home from work, found out the furnace broke and I've been trying to take it apart to see what is the matter.
Usually, I can remove the panels. For some reason, it is impossible for me to remove them today.
I wonder....how much of this is dumb luck?
How much of this is sabotage?
I really shouldn't be forced to live with my stalker.
I'm a little ticked at a stupid Arapahoe county judge.
Seriously.....the divorce was finalized nearly three years ago!
He was supposed to move out on October 21, 2013!!!
Why do I have to deal with this?
There are games.
Stalkers play games.
They ask their friends and family to follow and harass you when they sense they are losing control.
They take your car when you have job interviews.
They harass your friends and family.
They threaten to harass childhood friends.
They punch walls and corner you leveling threats to your face.
They hide money.
They refuse to give you your portion of the divorce settlement unless you cave into their demands to stop dating.
They threaten suicide if you leave.
They call you pretending to be lawyers or other public officials to try to figure out what your up to doing.
They quit their jobs and refuse to look for new ones when you hire a lawyer.
They tap your phone.
They hack into your online accounts. I still don't have access to Facebook, Skype, Google+ or LinkedIn.
I'm trying to find another job and those online contacts are worth a lot to me. This is annoying.
Yesterday, my ex mentioned knowing how many times I trained with an off duty Jeffco cop to fight off his stalkerish relatives.
How did he know that?
This is creepy.
It's no coincidence his family harasses and follows me around while he refuses to move out.
Michael is my stalker.
I believe Michael is now messing around with the house.
I'm to the point of being incredibly angry.
I guess he had to find something to do....I don't go online anymore. He can't hack anything.
Now, he has to mess around with the house to get my attention.
******
I overheard someone talk about me today.
It was eye opening.
I was described as cute. This person said I seem very nice to everyone and that I'm pleasant and polite on the telephone with customers.
This person also said that it was incredibly shocking for him to overhear me threatening to remove a bad judge from his seat by his cojones and throw him into a domestic violence training program.
When I said that, I was talking to a licensed therapist. She asked me if I felt suicidal and homicidal.
My answer was that this was the most violent thought I've had in years.
That is the truth. It's more fun to play among the living than the dead. As someone who is an alleged witch, I ought to know.
Besides, killing and harming people wound destroy my fun. It's fun to watch healthy people squirm.
Since I don't have a love to make squirm in beautiful ways, political activism will have to suffice.
You know what?
Bad public officials need removed. This judge may well get me killed.
He needs retrained or removed.
I make no apologies for those comments.
******
Years ago,
I feel asleep while meditating to the God of War.
You may know him as Mars or Ares.
In my dream, he drank whiskey and laughed asking why I thought a man would want to be with a woman who fought for herself.
He said men want women they can protect.
I tend to protect myself and everyone else.
No man wants that.
The best part of the dream is that he goes on to describe Aphrodite. The Goddess who can exhaust him by virtue of her love.
In the dream he said, here's $60. Go buy yourself a new dress. You haven't worn one for awhile.
I awoke and found $60 by my side.
I have no clue how it got there. Maybe I dropped it years ago and my subconscious mind remembered.
I wound up buying numerous dresses with that money.
I wore one last Sunday when visiting the homeless.
That's the first time I have worn a dress in years.
******
If I don't fight, who will?
I don't think I sound evil.
I think people who want stuff they are not entitled to having think of me as evil.
I'm not evil.
I certainly never have to yell.
Maybe someday I'll meet a man who likes to fight for people more than I.
I'll grab him.
Alas....I'd probably meet him now....when my ex won't leave me alone....and I can't date.
So....
I'm probably going to have to get cozy with the idea of fighting.
******
I've been talking to people that I know have been homeless and people that I know are homeless activists.
I have some ideas as to how to proceed. I'm investigating their feasibility.
I'm sure you'll find out if they ever work.
I'll let you know if something exciting develops.
Love,
S.