Today I am thankful for insight.
It's Saturday.
Upon learning that the City of Aurora has paid two months rent for my ex and that he could move into his new place at any time, I demanded that my ex move out immediately. I told him I wanted him out by midnight.
That was Wednesday morning around 7:00 a.m.
I hate it when people waste taxpayer money. I'm not thrilled the city is housing stalkers and domestic abusers while letting domestic violence victims be turned away by the shelter. I've met a few women escaping violence living by the fence of Cherry Creek State Park.
They were living there before Aurora cops harassed them out of the area. That is state property, I don't understand how local cops can take control of Colorado property. It must be some type of crazy agreement they have with the State. If I weren't so stressed, I'd look into it.
Even the local politicians have control issues.
I pray the women are not there today. The high will only be seven degrees.
*****
My ex is still here.
Not one box is packed. Three years ago, I packed several boxes for him.
He hasn't started to move out yet.
He told me it is because he doesn't want to live alone. He wants to stay here with me and the kids.
I've heard this before. I've heard this each and every time he left me due to the crap his family would say about me. He'd run off for days at a time and leave us alone not knowing what was going to happen. I'd get a large note promising that he'd change and get into therapy.
He rarely did go to therapy. When he did, it wouldn't last very long. He'd come home and tell me that the therapist wanted me to change my behavior. I wasn't supposed to talk to him in the car. I wasn't supposed to talk to him in the morning. I wasn't supposed to talk to him after work. He needs time to himself. I need to respect that.
Then he'd quit therapy.
This time, I don't think he quit. I think he either lied to his therapist -or- his therapist is inept. It's still the same. He says that he tells the therapist that his family stalks me (or us) and that the therapist won't help him come up with a safety plan. My ex is the victim of his family. There has been no referral to a abuser's group. I just have to put up or shut up until he's ready to move out.
I'm not a big fan of Aurora Mental Health or Gateway Battered Women's Shelter. When I speak to people, I offer other resources to them. The county resources tend to be better.
That therapist helped this guy justify staying here this long. It's wrong.
Anyway, each and every time he'd leave me, he'd come back and say that he doesn't want to live alone. During our divorce mediation, after I was led out of the room so he and the mediator could hammer out an agreement, he said the same thing.
The mediator put in a clause allowing him access to my home on holidays.
I had been yelled at prior to the meeting, so I would have signed anything they put in front of my nose.
That was nearly three and a half years ago.
******
This is what I do not understand.
In 2001 and again in 2011, I told him that if we could get individual counseling and then marital counseling, I would hold off on the divorce.
In 2012, after I caught his sister entering the house with a key, I also told him that if we could get away from his stalking family or he could explain to me how they got their information while working with experts to make it stop, he could stay.
He never did these things. This is why we are divorced.
In fact, he'd rage. He'd lie about me to people. Computers have been destroyed (including many meditation recordings made for sale on the Internet that were professionally rendered). Accounts have been hacked. Money has gone missing. His relatives harassed me (nasty emails, blocking me in my driveway, grabbing me on the street, harassing colleagues, professors, friends, landlords, employers and relatives, watching me in public...there's more).
It's a mess.
Divorce didn't stop it. The property damage is still happening. The hacking is continuing.
His family isn't bothering me as much since I filed the contempt charge against him. I've caught my ex trying to tell me that Doug drives a white Ford or a Dodge Ram with a tool box in the back. When Doug last harassed me he drove a White Dodge Ram, without a tool box in the back. I think my ex is trying to change my story so I'm not believable.
This should be over.
I don't understand why I need to continue putting up with this.
I don't understand why this guy is a victim if he didn't try to solve the problem he created in the first place.
He lied to his mother in 1996, telling her I would not let him go to college. At the time, I was working on getting him a stipend for his education. He claimed he lied to his mother to get her off of his back because she was hounding him about college. There was something about her promising to pay for his college education and then reneging on her agreement. I was trying to get him the funds to make their agreement irrelevant.
This was when his relatives started cornering me in my home, calling constantly and making threats. His sister also harassed my graduate school professors. At the time, I didn't know why his family was so angry. Michael admitted to this lie in 2008. For years, I couldn't understand why they didn't want me in school.
It's hard to believe that one lie can cause so some damage!
I wonder what else he told them? His maternal uncle once saw me outside of a church in 2010. He came within inches of my face and glared at me before spinning on his heels and walking off. What in the world would make John act like that?
These are the things that scare me. I just want to get away from it.
As far back as 1992, I was threatened by people I never met (who look like Doug), following me around in my car, approaching me in the front yard, breaking into the house, leaving weird messages for my employer and landlords. It even cost me an internship. It's hard to look back on how much the intrusions have cost me.
Almost every aspect of my life has been touched by this stalking nonsense. It is still going on.
Yesterday, I arrived to my office and someone had unlocked the door. Nothing was disturbed.
I'd better tell my landlord. This is the second time this has happened this month.
I'm tired of it.
*******
The question of the day is 'Why'?
Why do people behave like this?
Why do they act like assholes thinking they'll get something out of it? I just want to get them away from me.
My ex claims he wants to stay here but he never wanted to deal with the stalking.
If one truly wants something, why wouldn't he do what it took to get it?
If he doesn't want to live alone, why would he push me so hard that I am too afraid to let him live with me?
It would seem like the stalking is more important to him than living in this house.
It has to boil down to control. The stalking gave him a lot of control over my life. It is probably too hard to give that up. He's probably going to stay here until the morning of the 28th.
That's the day we go to court.
Control....it really does not make sense.
It's a lot to think about.
******
I only have two tidbits of information to takeaway from the therapy I've had in the past 24 years. These things ring true in the advice my psych professor gave after an interaction with my sister-in-law.
Ignoring stalking is hard to do. When you ignore stalkers, they threaten to go after people you love to get your attention.
I could ignore them up to that point. I even ignored it when they threatened to visit my high school sweetheart's mother and give her things her son gave me. I mean...really....what are the odds they know her name? They certainly didn't know where she lived. Could they?
That's insane!!
The threat is that one of the relatives dated this woman's neighbor. That's how they knew where she lived.
I got rid of everything from my past. Hopefully that was just stupid talk. The local cops didn't take it seriously. They didn't even want to take a report when Doug hassled our billing clerk at my office.
I just moved my business out of the area, hoping it would stop.
I think of all the energy wasted on death threats, suicide threats and other mayhem, I just want to walk away from it all.
That's what I thought the divorce was.
I guess not.
*****
I don't know. I guess I'll just stay silent. Make recordings for my clients and do some Christmas shopping.
That'll keep my mind off the nonsense.
It'll be nice to sleep a full night without waking up at some random noise outside. It'll be nice not having to sleep with pepper spray and various protection gear.
I want my life back.
Love ya,
S.
Sunday morning edit: Well...it looks like I was duped again. He's not moving out.
I'm at a loss as to how to get away now.
On the bright side, this probably means that he lied about the City of Aurora paying for his rent. So I guess I don't have to worry about stopping the practice of rewarding domestic abusers with our tax dollars.
I guess there is a silver lining there, huh?
Today, a local news channel profiled the stories of women killed by their abusers because the local police refused to take police reports.
My ex wanted to watch it.
I couldn't. This shit happens far too much. The police aren't there for victims of family violence, be they men or women. The courts aren't here for us. We are on our own.
This is why I support the second amendment.
I hate guns. I grew up with an Arsehole that liked to play Russian Roulette. He nearly killed my sister with that game before he shot himself - on December 26, 1986.
I hate guns. I hate Christmas.
I've learned to tolerate both. Guns are a necessary evil. I am responsible for my own protection and the protection of my children. No one else gives a damn.
The cops don't care. Judges don't care.
It's a fact of life I had to come to terms with.
Please do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your loved ones. Avoid the crazies and stay safe out there!
Love ya,
S.
It's Saturday.
Upon learning that the City of Aurora has paid two months rent for my ex and that he could move into his new place at any time, I demanded that my ex move out immediately. I told him I wanted him out by midnight.
That was Wednesday morning around 7:00 a.m.
I hate it when people waste taxpayer money. I'm not thrilled the city is housing stalkers and domestic abusers while letting domestic violence victims be turned away by the shelter. I've met a few women escaping violence living by the fence of Cherry Creek State Park.
They were living there before Aurora cops harassed them out of the area. That is state property, I don't understand how local cops can take control of Colorado property. It must be some type of crazy agreement they have with the State. If I weren't so stressed, I'd look into it.
Even the local politicians have control issues.
I pray the women are not there today. The high will only be seven degrees.
*****
My ex is still here.
Not one box is packed. Three years ago, I packed several boxes for him.
He hasn't started to move out yet.
He told me it is because he doesn't want to live alone. He wants to stay here with me and the kids.
I've heard this before. I've heard this each and every time he left me due to the crap his family would say about me. He'd run off for days at a time and leave us alone not knowing what was going to happen. I'd get a large note promising that he'd change and get into therapy.
He rarely did go to therapy. When he did, it wouldn't last very long. He'd come home and tell me that the therapist wanted me to change my behavior. I wasn't supposed to talk to him in the car. I wasn't supposed to talk to him in the morning. I wasn't supposed to talk to him after work. He needs time to himself. I need to respect that.
Then he'd quit therapy.
This time, I don't think he quit. I think he either lied to his therapist -or- his therapist is inept. It's still the same. He says that he tells the therapist that his family stalks me (or us) and that the therapist won't help him come up with a safety plan. My ex is the victim of his family. There has been no referral to a abuser's group. I just have to put up or shut up until he's ready to move out.
I'm not a big fan of Aurora Mental Health or Gateway Battered Women's Shelter. When I speak to people, I offer other resources to them. The county resources tend to be better.
That therapist helped this guy justify staying here this long. It's wrong.
Anyway, each and every time he'd leave me, he'd come back and say that he doesn't want to live alone. During our divorce mediation, after I was led out of the room so he and the mediator could hammer out an agreement, he said the same thing.
The mediator put in a clause allowing him access to my home on holidays.
I had been yelled at prior to the meeting, so I would have signed anything they put in front of my nose.
That was nearly three and a half years ago.
******
This is what I do not understand.
In 2001 and again in 2011, I told him that if we could get individual counseling and then marital counseling, I would hold off on the divorce.
In 2012, after I caught his sister entering the house with a key, I also told him that if we could get away from his stalking family or he could explain to me how they got their information while working with experts to make it stop, he could stay.
He never did these things. This is why we are divorced.
In fact, he'd rage. He'd lie about me to people. Computers have been destroyed (including many meditation recordings made for sale on the Internet that were professionally rendered). Accounts have been hacked. Money has gone missing. His relatives harassed me (nasty emails, blocking me in my driveway, grabbing me on the street, harassing colleagues, professors, friends, landlords, employers and relatives, watching me in public...there's more).
It's a mess.
Divorce didn't stop it. The property damage is still happening. The hacking is continuing.
His family isn't bothering me as much since I filed the contempt charge against him. I've caught my ex trying to tell me that Doug drives a white Ford or a Dodge Ram with a tool box in the back. When Doug last harassed me he drove a White Dodge Ram, without a tool box in the back. I think my ex is trying to change my story so I'm not believable.
This should be over.
I don't understand why I need to continue putting up with this.
I don't understand why this guy is a victim if he didn't try to solve the problem he created in the first place.
He lied to his mother in 1996, telling her I would not let him go to college. At the time, I was working on getting him a stipend for his education. He claimed he lied to his mother to get her off of his back because she was hounding him about college. There was something about her promising to pay for his college education and then reneging on her agreement. I was trying to get him the funds to make their agreement irrelevant.
This was when his relatives started cornering me in my home, calling constantly and making threats. His sister also harassed my graduate school professors. At the time, I didn't know why his family was so angry. Michael admitted to this lie in 2008. For years, I couldn't understand why they didn't want me in school.
It's hard to believe that one lie can cause so some damage!
I wonder what else he told them? His maternal uncle once saw me outside of a church in 2010. He came within inches of my face and glared at me before spinning on his heels and walking off. What in the world would make John act like that?
These are the things that scare me. I just want to get away from it.
As far back as 1992, I was threatened by people I never met (who look like Doug), following me around in my car, approaching me in the front yard, breaking into the house, leaving weird messages for my employer and landlords. It even cost me an internship. It's hard to look back on how much the intrusions have cost me.
Almost every aspect of my life has been touched by this stalking nonsense. It is still going on.
Yesterday, I arrived to my office and someone had unlocked the door. Nothing was disturbed.
I'd better tell my landlord. This is the second time this has happened this month.
I'm tired of it.
*******
The question of the day is 'Why'?
Why do people behave like this?
Why do they act like assholes thinking they'll get something out of it? I just want to get them away from me.
My ex claims he wants to stay here but he never wanted to deal with the stalking.
If one truly wants something, why wouldn't he do what it took to get it?
If he doesn't want to live alone, why would he push me so hard that I am too afraid to let him live with me?
It would seem like the stalking is more important to him than living in this house.
It has to boil down to control. The stalking gave him a lot of control over my life. It is probably too hard to give that up. He's probably going to stay here until the morning of the 28th.
That's the day we go to court.
Control....it really does not make sense.
It's a lot to think about.
******
I only have two tidbits of information to takeaway from the therapy I've had in the past 24 years. These things ring true in the advice my psych professor gave after an interaction with my sister-in-law.
- Get away from crazy makers.
- Ignore stalkers.
It can be hard to get away from crazy makers. When some are rejected, they turn to stalking.
Ignoring stalking is hard to do. When you ignore stalkers, they threaten to go after people you love to get your attention.
I could ignore them up to that point. I even ignored it when they threatened to visit my high school sweetheart's mother and give her things her son gave me. I mean...really....what are the odds they know her name? They certainly didn't know where she lived. Could they?
That's insane!!
The threat is that one of the relatives dated this woman's neighbor. That's how they knew where she lived.
I got rid of everything from my past. Hopefully that was just stupid talk. The local cops didn't take it seriously. They didn't even want to take a report when Doug hassled our billing clerk at my office.
I just moved my business out of the area, hoping it would stop.
I think of all the energy wasted on death threats, suicide threats and other mayhem, I just want to walk away from it all.
That's what I thought the divorce was.
I guess not.
*****
I don't know. I guess I'll just stay silent. Make recordings for my clients and do some Christmas shopping.
That'll keep my mind off the nonsense.
It'll be nice to sleep a full night without waking up at some random noise outside. It'll be nice not having to sleep with pepper spray and various protection gear.
I want my life back.
Love ya,
S.
Sunday morning edit: Well...it looks like I was duped again. He's not moving out.
I'm at a loss as to how to get away now.
On the bright side, this probably means that he lied about the City of Aurora paying for his rent. So I guess I don't have to worry about stopping the practice of rewarding domestic abusers with our tax dollars.
I guess there is a silver lining there, huh?
Today, a local news channel profiled the stories of women killed by their abusers because the local police refused to take police reports.
My ex wanted to watch it.
I couldn't. This shit happens far too much. The police aren't there for victims of family violence, be they men or women. The courts aren't here for us. We are on our own.
This is why I support the second amendment.
I hate guns. I grew up with an Arsehole that liked to play Russian Roulette. He nearly killed my sister with that game before he shot himself - on December 26, 1986.
I hate guns. I hate Christmas.
I've learned to tolerate both. Guns are a necessary evil. I am responsible for my own protection and the protection of my children. No one else gives a damn.
The cops don't care. Judges don't care.
It's a fact of life I had to come to terms with.
Please do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your loved ones. Avoid the crazies and stay safe out there!
Love ya,
S.