Today I am thankful for fruit.
A couple weeks ago, a former classmate requested that I update my social media accounts with a picture.
I dislike pictures because it means I have to look at myself.
There was a time when I didn't mind looking at myself because I looked like my mother. She died on her 36th birthday. There are few pictures of her. I could always look in the mirror and remember what she looked like.
I didn't mind looking into the mirror back then because I saw her.
Once I hit 40, I realized I don't look her anymore. Neither does my sister. Luckily, my daughters look just like her. I should probably take more pictures of them now.
Since I hit 40, I dislike having my picture taken.
Other people can take my picture and post it.
I don't like doing it.
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I realized that if I were going to have my picture taken, I'd need to wear make up.
I've been pretty crappy with my skin care routine since I broke up with Steve.
I couldn't stand the attention of men, so I let myself go.
It seemed like the men hitting on me became younger and younger. When guys that are 15 years or younger than me ask me out, it's a tad bit uncomfortable.
I don't understand them. We have no shared history. They really should be dating my daughters....not me.
I decided that I needed to look and act my age so I could attract friends in my age range.
Also, in my sadness and fear of attracting men.....
I've gained 20 pounds.
I don't take care of me.
I have a little smirk wrinkle to show for this.
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I used to make my own make-up.
I have a stockpile of recipes. You can buy pigments and supplies online.
It used to be easy to get medical grade powdered zinc oxide which was the basis of my make-up as it protected my skin from the sun.
It's a little harder to get now. You can still get it at vacuum repair shops but you take your chances doing that. It's not medical grade.
I used to bathe in cheap wine and dried roses. I wash my face with powdered milk. I'd swipe grapes across my face to protect against wrinkles.
I made my own mascara out of henna and gelatin.
Beet juice makes decent blush.
After a while, I'd buy medical grade hydroxy acids and microderm pearls. Never get microderm pearls in your mouth, they'll chip your teeth
I even have lasers and things. I have a laser for my face and one for my abdomen. I have medical tens units for almost every part of my body (shhhhhh). It was weird back in the days when I felt like I was super plugged in every night.
I felt electric!
I quit using them in recent years.
All that work gave me the wrong kind of attention from men I really wasn't interested in.
I don't want someone who cares about my appearance. I want someone who sees the inner me.
Maybe I should date the guys that want to get to know me now that I look like Ms. Piggy wearing a clown wig.
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I started wearing commercial make-up when I found myself on television.
I looked like a gray alien on TV.
I ran to the mall and was directed to MAC cosmetics. They got me set up with television make-up so I never looked like an alien again. They told me to put make-up over my ears. To this day I forget to do that. I sure look weird when I'm prepping up for an argument and move my hair behind my ears during interviews (someday, I'll catch on).
I still feel like an alien.
I just don't inadvertently play one on TV anymore.
I've worn MAC for all my photos since. I try to wear bb cream when I'm not having my photos taken.
You know, I even look alive in my driver's license photo. My running theory is that the DMV wants to be able to identify you should you die in a car crash. That's why they make everyone look so dead and dull in the pictures.
If MAC makes me look alive, then that make-up is pretty darn good.
I'll probably not be on television much anymore due to the hiding stuff, so I decided it was time to get a make-over.
MAC is geared towards glamour girls. I'm not a glamourous person. I'm more of a down to earth person. I try to match my lip gloss to my natural lip color and my eye makeup to my skin.
One of my make-up artist friends told me to go to Clinque. She said it was branded towards people who wanted a natural look.
So I went.
Um.....it takes an hour to discover what type of make-up you need.
The sales lady was younger than me and had more wrinkles. I think she scared me off.
So, I wondered from make-up counter to make-up counter. Wrinkley women my age gave me samples of beauty products to try.....
these samples had a lot of isopropyl alcohol in them.
Um....no wonder they're wrinkled!
I ran back to MAC and just got my concealer and body make-up. It took five minutes. They have a computer system that keeps track of my purchases. In the winter, I'm an N2. I'm the summer, I'm an N3. They knew what I needed, packed it up and sent me on my way.
Their face make-up is too thick for my taste. The body make-up is more sheer. I prefer it. There is nothing worse that hugging someone and ruining their clothes.
I did a lot of that as a kid in dime store make-up.
People wind up taking my face home with them. That's part of the reason I dislike wearing cheap make-up.
I went home. I threw out the samples and opened my closet and went back to my old beauty routine.
I use castor oil to remove my make-up.
If I have time, I'll wash my face with powdered milk.
I'll cut a grape in half and smear it on my face. I'll let it dry and put argan oil on my face and go to bed.
That's it.
It's only been two days and, lo' and behold
my smirk wrinkle is shrinking.
This is awesome!
With a little time and effort no one will know I'm an asshole....
unless they get super duper close.
The evidence is disappearing.
Hooray!!
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I live in Colorado.
The air is dry. Women age quickly here because there is little moisture in the air. This is why I use heavy oils to clean my face.
Rubbing alcohol is horrible for your skin.
I really wish retailers would get it together.
Crap, maybe I should put some frankincense in castor oil and market it as a moisturizer that will help keep your spouse regular at night (if he kisses ya)!
No.....there is a realization in that. If I want to be pretty, I need to be alone. I've been spoiled over the past several years because I could sleep with all sorts of crap on my face without anyone being offended, made sick or disturbed by it.
If I ever had a partner, I don't know what I'd do.
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Well, the guy that wants a photo works at the hardware store.
I'll probably be there tomorrow anyway because something is leaking in my kitchen. I think I need a new gasket for the faucet.
I pray it's not the upstairs toilet needing a wax ring. That would be gross if toilet water is leaking into the kitchen.
If so, I'll pick up a gallon of bleach, too.
Maybe he can take the picture for me.
Things work out eventually.
Do what is right for you. Listen to your instincts and don't follow the crowd or trends.
The crowd is often wrong.
Trends are not necessarily right for you either.
Love ya lots,
S.
Edit Later the Same Day:
So....the abused kid staying with me was ticketed for parking in front of my house. The renters next door like to park in front of my house. She was there. Someone called the police on her for not leaving a 5' clearance between the back of her van and my driveway.
I tried to get the ticket dismissed. I was told that I was the only person who could park that way without receiving a ticket.
I am livid because I am going to have to pay a $30 parking ticket for a guest in my home because she parked in front of my house.
The neighbor didn't like it because he couldn't park there that night. He considers it his spot. Here's the thing, according to the cops he should be ticketed, too. He, technically, can't park in front of my house unless he leaves a 5' clearance between the back of his truck and the driveway.
He has a huge truck with an attached trailer. My yard is too small for him to do that.
I told the girl to park in my garage from now on.
My smirk wrinkle is back.
My neighbor is a dumb ass.
What the hell does this neighbor think is going to happen to him the next time he parks in front of my house?
The cops are going to start ticketing him, too.
The officer said it didn't matter who called them. The only cars that can legally park in front of my house so close to the driveway are the cars registered to my address.
My yard is tiny. There is absolutely no way a person can park there and give a 5' clearance between my driveway and my neighbor's driveway.
That means, I am the only one legally able to park in front of my house.
This stupid, selfish neighbor trained the cops to write easy tickets.
I'm not sure what this dumb statist was expecting. I'll tell him what the cops told me the next time he's hanging outside of my house with his dual cab truck and attached trailer. He can't legally park there.
Now the cops are watching.
He's going to be ticketed.
Ugh.....
I may have to put my name back on the outside of my house so the assholes remember who they are dealing with.
Don't tax an anti-tax activist.
An unfair parking ticket is akin to a gotcha tax.
I'm dreaming about the next fight. Those daydreams cause me to smirk. I'll be surprised if my smirk wrinkle has not doubled in size by morning.
As far as my next door renter - stupid is as stupid does.
He's not going to be able to park in front of my house anymore.
Sigh.....
It's a problem he created!!!
Maybe he was drunk? I can't imagine why anyone would do something o stupid on purpose!!!
Geesh!!
Edit one week later: I spoke to a representative from the city. I was told that if a parking employee had written the ticket, it would be dismissed because it my home and my guest.
The ticket was written in the middle of the night by a police officer (who apparently can't measure worth a darn) so I went ahead and paid. Then I stayed for the planning session, volunteer party and the City Council meeting. I heard a bunch of crap that makes me want to fight.
Maybe that $30 is my entrance fee into the political games.
Oh, and I learned that the homeowner next store is the one calling the cops. He wants to get rid of a rental property on the other side of me and has taken to brandishing his gun at people who park in front of my house and his house.
Um.....it's little twerps like that who keep my gun activist friends busy. I'm not thrilled with him.
Love ya,
Grinning S.