Anger

Today I am thankful for rage.

I am frustrated because I cannot drill down what exactly is making me feel rage.

I know why I am angry.

I know it has to do with watching people cry today in municipal court.

There is something strange going on that I can't quite put my finger on.

I know it has to do with people obviously lying.

Body language speaks volumes.

I know it has to do with unfair laws and unfair fines.

I know it has to do with political hypocrisy.

I think there is more to it than those little things.

I've been angry at the local government a very long time.

When people rattle off the name of their City Councilmen, it's sad that I know he won't give a hairy rat's ass about his constituents. 

Of course, I can't say that.

It's true. 

I'm not saying all the men are bad on council are bad.  A couple care quite a bit.  There are those who are more political oriented and really don't care about more than maintaining the status quo.

I'd nearly walk to the ends of the earth for the ones that care.  I'm not to the point of trusting the city enough to give things to them....yet... this is probably due to my personal experience with the council member who doesn't care.  He used to be a city employee.  His staff were a bunch of obnoxious liars.

Maybe I'm pissed because I've dealt with government assholes my entire life. I was related to an step-uncle who wanted to be mayor of a small town. He beat his son within an inch of his life in front of me.  That was the day I learned I could modulate my voice to make people fear me.  I was twelve.  Even with that, the local government didn't care.  The COUNTY did.  They investigated him for child abuse.  He never went beyond the role of fire chief.

This is probably why I don't like the idea of my municipality becoming it's own county.  There would be no checks and balances.  There would be no one to report abuse to because no one within the organization listens. 

I think the abusive crap I've seen in my step-family and in the foster care system is why I was initially drawn to social work.  I had uncovered so much sexual abuse in foster homes as I tried to extricate my sister from the system.  I wanted it to stop.

Then, there was the time a couple of Denver cops threw me to the ground and searched me for drugs.  They were angry when I didn't have any.  Their names were James and Miller.  I remember a big six on their squad car and seeing them roam around Capital Hill on their bicycles.  Another cop told me to avoid them. 

I went down and spoke to the homeless kids and they told me they were often rolled for drugs. That's probably how I developed relationships with homeless people. 

I tried to make a report.  Denver refused to listen.

When I was raped, I was thrown out of Denver General Hospital because I a minor.  I was emancipated.  My parents were both dead!

I had nowhere to go to file a report. I was okay.  I was old enough to get a job and pay my own way, so to speak. 

Younger kids had nowhere to go to make a report and have it taken seriously. They couldn't earn money.

I wanted to be one person who wouldn't ignore it. 

I learned how to get attention.

This city....oh, my....it's a  bureaucratic nightmare.  No one cares if you see blood in the cages at the animal shelter. When I reported that, some jerk threatened me.

Don't worry.  I'm a hypnotist.  He got the worse end of the conversation.

• Remember that was before the new shelter manager took over.  I can't blame her for that.  I don't trust her because of it.  She's entrenched in the same system so it's hard to trust her, especially after what I witnessed at the animal court today.   

No one cares when the city kills your service animal because she is a pit bull! This is a violation of the ADA!

BINGO! 
That's why I'm angry.

The City Attorneys are so full of themselves, they can't reason their way out of the little box they've built for themselves.

They KNOW that they have to honor the ADA but they play every game in the book to avoid it.  This is the ignore 'em until they pay the fines and go away dance. 

I hate that dance.  That dance is going to cost the taxpayers a fortune.

That's why I'm pissed off.  The family had nowhere to go to report this. 

There is no advocate in this city. 

There is no one to go to when things get bad.

If you start a political action group to try to fill that need, the city council messes with you and uses campaign finance law to shut you up.

I'm not sure exactly what to do. 

I have to give it up to my Goddess.

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I'm religious.  My Deity got my attention.  I got the exact result I prayed for. 

However, there must be more I need to do.

I can't figure out what it is.

Too many people roll over and play dead. 

Part of me wants to volunteer to help the homeless in this city.  Rather than drive to my hometown (over an hour away), I should probably stick closer to home. 

More to the point, I don't want to volunteer for the city.  I don't want to give them any more than I have to because I DON'T WANT TO ENABLE THE BAD BEHAVIOR!

There is a lot of bad behavior. 

There is a lot of justification for the bad behavior at the top.  The average employee is decent, professional and humble. I feel somewhat protective of them.  They have it rough because they can be illegally fined on a whim.

The problems stem from the City Manager's office and the City Attorney.  The problems were there before the new City Manager took the helm. 

I guess it comes down to one word - TRANSPARENCY.

There is a horrible lack of transparency.  CORA requests aren't typically answered.  The City Attorneys act like answers are trade secrets that they have to keep.  Yeah.....like no one else is in the business of screwing people. 

There is no transparency. 

The breed ban enables the shelter to demand DNA tests from the provider they choose.  I want to know if there are kickbacks.

I have the same question about behavioral specialists.  People have to use the company the city chooses for them.  Are there kickbacks?

There was one occasion today when I thought the defendant may have needed an interpreter.  The judge didn't offer.  What is the protocol there?

Are there performance goals for city employees that might result in their lying and unfairly targeting citizens?

-or-

are city employees still fined if they don't follow the unethical dictates of supervisors?

So....in drilling it down....I'm upset at the lack of transparency and the lack of accountability.  There is no place people can go to report wrongdoing.

What can I do about it?

I don't know.

These thoughts would probably be amusing to the good ol' boys network that runs the place.  They forget, the good ol' boys network is aging to the point of senility.  I know those words are hurtful but the good ol' boys model is fading into obscurity.  The people, in and of themselves, might be okay.  It's the sum of the parts that is horrible.  The groupthink won't last. 

There is one thing I do know.

The Gods don't get your attention and leave you hanging.  I'll light a candle and meditate over it to see what must be done. 

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I've been to the municipal building three times this week. 

There is a homeless woman I see with her push cart one block away.

I wonder........

does the Mayor notice her as she sleeps under the trees?

What would he say?

I know he cared.  What would he do?

Would my City Councilman care?

He's allegedly big on housing issues.

I know one of the at-large members would care.  He'd have me contact him to get the name of the social worker that needs the volunteer and see what they could offer her. 

I don't know if I want to help enable the bad behavior or associate with this organization as anything other than an outspoken citizen.

I'll talk to people I know who are homeless advocates before approaching her. 

People who are newly homeless will talk to people.  They'll share their stories.  People who have been on the streets a long time tend to have a difficult time trusting people because they've been let down in the past.

I need something tangible to offer her before I can earn her trust. 

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The problem with a lack of trust, it makes it hard for people to associate with you.  One bad apple can spoil the bunch.  There are many good people in the organization but the spoiled apples take all of the attention.  The bad apples dictate who can say what to whom. 

We smell rotten apples more than we smell the good ones. 

Those rotten apples will contaminate everything.

I'll pray about it. 

There is probably little I can do. 

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These problems are only going to get worse.

If we let the animal control department continue it's course, they're going to need a bigger facility.  Right now, I guarantee people are unhappy with the shelter due to recent events in the news (trying to kill a shepherd because an officer mistook it for a wolf).  No one would vote on a tax hike to fund a new shelter. 

The homeless population will continue to grow as rents rise.

We can't afford to be idle.

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There are times when I ask myself

who are you to do something?

The question that really matters is

how important are you that you can ignore this?

I'm not a city council member.  I'm not the mayor.  I'm not the city manager.

I'm a taxpaying citizen, just like the people railroaded in court today and just like the homeless person.

I'm nobody.

I can't ignore it. 

Love ya lots,

S.