Today I am thankful for YouTube videos.
So....
everyone knows I have a master's in psychology. My focus of interest is Health Psychology. I currently work with addicts.
I had to put a stop to my career for many years due to harassment and stalking on the part of my ex-husband's family. It's a long, drawn out story. Sad to say, I believed for most of the my adult life that my ex had nothing to do with the stalking. He claimed he never spoke to his family.
One sunny day in 2013, he admitted to speaking to his cousin on a daily basis, telling her a whereabouts and sending a house key to his sister.
That explains how they found me. This isn't going into the tracker on my mini-van and phones.
In fact, my phone stopped working about two weeks ago after months of being unable to hold a charge. I suspect either a virus or spyware. It's looking like I'm going to need a new laptop, too.
A few days ago, I bought a new phone which mostly stays off to the chagrin of my co-workers.
I'm not paid to be on call. My safety comes first.
*****
This week, I've spent about $450 on security cameras and phones. I decided to get two systems; one a wi-fi system and one that will work in case the wifi goes down.
Fear is expensive.
After the weird stuff happening around the property, I figured it was worth the investment.
*****
In graduate school, we didn't go to far into narcissism. We covered the basic DSM stuff: grandiosity, lack of self-esteem, taking credit for stuff never done and that kind of thing. All psychopaths are narcissists but not all narcissists are psychopaths.
Nothing in depth - we just covered the basics.
It was two psychology professors who caught on to the stalking early. One was confronted directly by my ex's sister trying to get information on me. The other lives across the street from me (and man has she gotten an eyeful over the years).
I still didn't believe it until his sister's fiancé started harassing my colleagues in my workplace. Even then, I had trouble believing my ex was involved. It was a police officer who told me differently in 2012. She could explain who was behind the stalking and that the police department really couldn't do anything unless I could prove he threatened me.
I've called her numerous times since then. They don't take reports but they'll tell me to get new computers and phones at times when I can PROVE his relatives put something on my property or tried to access an online account.
By 2011, the harassment from his family had been going on for 19 years.
*****
My ex was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in 2012.
I thought of him as of the more introverted (covert) type of narcissist.
I found this video and am realizing that with some of the comments my ex has made to me in the past six months (via the telephone and via email) have rightfully given me cause for concern.
He is blaming me for the loss of his auditing career. He claims I got him fired in September 2015 because I called him to ask for footage of someone trying to break into the house in July of that year.
I'm unsure how that request would have let to his firing a few months later.
All I know is that, after the divorce, I allowed my ex to put a wi-fi camera in my living room that sent images to his work phone. Yes, that was stupid -but- I wanted to find the identity of the stalker.
Yes, he demonstrated to me that he could record conversations that take place in the living room (easily solved by taking phone calls in my bedroom).
His sales pitch involved demonstrating to me that it took video of things that happened outside of the window. That is exactly what I needed.
One day, when he was in California, someone came to my house and banged on the door loudly, then banged on the window (where the camera faced outwards) before lighting paper on fire, turning on the garden hose and cutting the hose.
I had a houseguest at the time, she held me back from answering the door claiming that the harasser was trying to draw me out of the house. Instead we called the police who suggested getting footage from the camera.
So, I called my ex asking for that footage to share with the police department. My ex never provided the footage.
My ex is now claiming that this 2015 incident got him fired.
He is pretty flipping angry about it, too.
******
Back then, this kind of harassment at home happened at least once a month or so.
I would say that in the past two years, these type of things have happened sparsely. There would be times when my shed was broken into or someone had gotten in to the house.
The incidents were rare and occurred, perhaps, once every four to six months (if that).
Over the course of the past two months, these events seem to have escalated. Two months ago, I hired a lawyer to deal with my ex's increasing demands; demands to drop his child support arrearages, make me responsible for the health insurance and all associated costs, and switch up visitation on a case by case basis with little notice. He probably doesn't want to come up with a permanent parenting plan because he can't mess with us if we know what to expect.
The lawyer looked into it and we saw that his child support would likely increase drastically if we were to go to court. His arrearages would cause him (by statute) to pay an additional $1,800 a month in child support (which is really, really unrealistic).
I think hitting him with these realities is pissing him off. He really should think before he lashes out and makes demands. I guess, his rage, is a form of his self-sabotage.
So far, I've spent $19,000 on legal fees. Most of it was incurred in trying to remove him from my home after the divorce was final. That took over three years.
Only a stalker would refuse to leave the marital home for three years, three months and six days after being court ordered to leave.
*****
Back to the video; the psychiatrist talks about three levels of covert narcissism. I would say, the three levels of an injured covert narcissist.
This man makes a lot of sense. I won't name him because I don't want my blog found on a search of his name. I write this blog in case I wind up dead and the cops investigate what was going on at the time of my death. ,
At around 3:25, it begins to delve into the injured narcissist finding someone to blame of his misfortune. I saw this for many years, it seemed to get worse about six months ago.
I don't know why my ex decided to come back and harass me via phone six months ago. The date was 01/02/19. I probably should print off those text messages.
His harassment is leading to more problems for him.
I fear he is moving to the third level (9:23); the "punitive avenger."
I'm wondering if this is the reason or the attempted break-ins (two in the past three weeks).
This is the reason or the new dog, new camera systems and new phones.
I have always been fearful for my life. I NEVER considered that this behavior could endanger others.
I'm wondering if he could target others?
I never saw him that way before.
First, I'll work on safety for the kids and myself. At the first hint of a threat against anyone else, I'm going to the police.
I pray they listen to me this time (especially after the theater shooting).
It would seem that the covert narcissist/mass shooting/domestic violence link needs to be studied further. Taking away guns is not a solution - taking domestic violence seriously is.
The courts have always turned a blind eye to domestic violence. The cost to society seems to be much higher than we realize.
In the meantime, I'll continue to watch the videos hopeful to be inspired to take an action that will stop the drama.
Love ya,
S.