Living in a Junkyard

Today I am thankful that people are noticing that I've given away a lot of the crap in my house.

My ex was a horder.

Throughout the marriage, I felt ugly so I started hording dresses and shoes.

So far, I've had four visits from numerous charities to pick up donations and made countless vehicle trips to a couple of my favorite charities.

There is still far too much junk. I haven't even started going through the dresses and shoes.

Oh my.....

back in the day, when my elderly neighbor needed cash, he'd take something I didn't want and pawn it off.

I think I'm getting down to the stuff no one wants - he's now asking for money.

Sigh....

*****
I've spent the day bolstering up the security on the house, talking to lawyers and wondering how in the hell this shit hasn't stopped yet.

You'd be proud of me - I still haven't used my graveyard dirt or lit a candle.

I'm proud of me.

I even ignored my Psalm justifications. There are Biblical verses that act as curses. I could simply read the Bible out loud to curse the shit out of my stalker.

I didn't. Well, part of it is that a childhood friend gave me my Bible and I don't think he'd approve of it's misuse.

In my real life, I work for a religious organization. We hand out Bibles daily.

Maybe I'm starting to be less of a freaked out asshole. If I can refrain from being scared, I can refrain from scaring assholes away from me.

I need to get the junk out of my house and keep the junk out of my soul.

Wish me luck.

Love ya,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP a...

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