Living in a Junkyard

Today I am thankful that people are noticing that I've given away a lot of the crap in my house.

My ex was a horder.

Throughout the marriage, I felt ugly so I started hording dresses and shoes.

So far, I've had four visits from numerous charities to pick up donations and made countless vehicle trips to a couple of my favorite charities.

There is still far too much junk. I haven't even started going through the dresses and shoes.

Oh my.....

back in the day, when my elderly neighbor needed cash, he'd take something I didn't want and pawn it off.

I think I'm getting down to the stuff no one wants - he's now asking for money.

Sigh....

*****
I've spent the day bolstering up the security on the house, talking to lawyers and wondering how in the hell this shit hasn't stopped yet.

You'd be proud of me - I still haven't used my graveyard dirt or lit a candle.

I'm proud of me.

I even ignored my Psalm justifications. There are Biblical verses that act as curses. I could simply read the Bible out loud to curse the shit out of my stalker.

I didn't. Well, part of it is that a childhood friend gave me my Bible and I don't think he'd approve of it's misuse.

In my real life, I work for a religious organization. We hand out Bibles daily.

Maybe I'm starting to be less of a freaked out asshole. If I can refrain from being scared, I can refrain from scaring assholes away from me.

I need to get the junk out of my house and keep the junk out of my soul.

Wish me luck.

Love ya,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

Venus Meditations

Today I am thankful for my new realization. In my world, Friday is the day of love (reminds of The Cure - lol). It's true. Friday is the day of Venus. Exhausted as I was after work, I went to my altar and lit a candle asking that my friend find whatever his life is lacking. Then I went upstairs and did my Friday night ritual to Aphrodite. I lit a candle asking that I gain confidence in my ability to love. I also ask that I recognize true love. I was too exhausted to linger so I tried to fall asleep. Have you been too tired to sleep? It's horrible. Your mind goes round and round - you might recall things that happened recently (like the doctor telling me to be careful because I haven't hit menopause yet and I say, "not worried about it" while thinking that it's a good time to be in a sexual drought - hooray for me), or things going on at work (that I can hypnotize little cranky babies to sleep without sa...

Welcome to the Club, Zuckerberg (also a warning)

Today I am thankful for realizing that I am not alone. There is a frustrating feeling that one gets when trying to educate lawmakers about the reality of the world in which we live. I saw this feeling expressed by Mark Zuckerberg during that charade of a Congressional hearing he took part in this week. Zuckerberg looks a mixture of angry and frustrated. I know that face. That's the face where I am stifling laughter so hard that it looks like I'm going to cry. That's my political face. My background is in social science and psychology. Imagine how irritating it is trying to explain that city policy is based on the concept of a traditional nuclear family (mom, dad, kids - people tied together by blood or legal policy). As such, there are laws on the books that break up other types of families (more complex family systems of economic cooperation). Trying to explain that there are people who share economic resources without bloo...

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