The Last Argument

Today I am thankful for the realization that yesterday I experienced the last argument I'll ever have with my ex. 
 

I received the court documents today.  

It hit me,

I'll never have to argue with my ex again.

Anything abusive or stupid that he does will find him answering to the police department or a judge. 

I will help him find the money to "repair" his car.  His mechanic promised to look at my van. 

I'll continue to look for a job to minimize or eliminate the possibility of alimony.  

When he realized that I was trying to help him, I got my beat up van back.  I'll let him use it on days I do not have a job interview or class. 

I get the sense that the dispute wasn't about the van.  

I'm not sure what it was about.

Money?

Control? 

I don't know. 

I should probably study Non Violent Communication more. 

My technique for extracting the information was not very nice.   It was nearly threatening but the threat was real....

If I don't get a job, he will get financially screwed.  

If  his stalking sister kills me, he will go to jail. 

I think he's over it now.  

The stalking...I don't know what that is about.

I heard so much garbage about it over the weekend. 

My ex claims his sister is stalking me because she thinks I'm controlling him and that if I divorce him, she'll leave me alone.
 

Where would she get that idea?  Hmmmm...
 

He also claims she's stalking me out of jealousy.  I don't understand that one. 

He also says that when he complains his mother and sister will recruit people to take care of the problem. 

I'm thinking that third explanation hits the nail on the head.  He whined about me and they were trying to put me in my place.  In the therapy world, we call that one triangulation.   

People with NPD do that.  I get it. 

I'll never really know why they do what they do.   

I will NEVER have to deal with those people ever again. 

The lawyers assure me that his mother WILL NEVER win grandparent's visition because she refused family therapy and left nasty messages about me on the family answering machine.   If a grandparent never had a relationship with the child, they always lose. 

I wish my ex and his mom would have taken my friend's offer of free mediation but....I can't force people to behave. 

It's NOT my problem anymore. 

Besides, the stalking and threats pretty much convinced me to keep the kids away from that entire family until they are old enough to decide if they want to deal with it. 

So....perhaps this saga is over. 

If it's over and done, I'm happy. 

I don't know.  

I see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I feel FREE!  

The stalking and harassment were the most painful part of this entire relationship for me.  

It'll be over...soon.  

I don't have to participate in any arguing.  

I don't have to put up with the stalking.

I won't hesitate to call the police. 

If Shannon or Doug attack me physically,  I will shoot to kill. 

I was told that the stalking would end the moment we were divorced.

The only way my ex could promise me that is IF he were involved somehow. 

I'll never know. 

If they don't do it again, it won't matter anymore. 

The end of the stalking opens up an entirely huge realm of possibility for me.  

I can rebuild my website without fear of nasty messages or further hacking.  

I can prepare to rent an office after the divorce is final.

I can publicize my address and phone numbers again! 

I can start making real YouTube videos with my face.  

I can answer my telephone!!!  

I have realized how many things I have given up in the past twenty years due to the stalking and harassment.

I gave up my doctorate.

I gave up a home I loved on another side of town.

I gave up my business.

I gave up jobs. 

I gave up relationships.

I gave up countless volunteer opportunities. 

It's over.

I AM FREE!

It may just be completely over.

I don't know who talked sense into my ex but whoever did, I owe that person a debt of thanks. 

I feel lighter than air.  

Life is Good!  

Love ya, 

S.