Today I am thankful for love.
Up until a couple of days ago, this is what I thought of love.
Love was always the disaster.
Friendship set on fire was okay.
It was just when some guy wanted to shove a damn golden ring on my finger -
everything went to hell in a hand basket.
I swore off love.
I swore off marriage.
The only kind of committment I would agree to would involve a huggie jacket.
I thought that I just wanted to find someone to mess around with.
He had to be smart.
He had to be fun.
He had to be a friend.
I did find the perfect guy.
He seemed like it would be good for him, too because the first time I met him I caught him staring at my butt...
Speaking of buts.....
I liked him too much....
to use him like that.
After getting to know him, I learned that he has more ethics in his little finger
than I have in my entire body.
So...I couldn't do it.
He offered.
He offered twice.
I couldn't do it.
I guess that was a test that I somehow managed to pass.
I've spent nearly two years wondering what would happen if I let myself try with him.
How would I know what he needed?
In my religion, men are the embodiment of Eros.
The one chosen for me must be worshipped as a God or else I risk pissing off the deities of love.
So, if I let myself stop acting like a sacrilegious fool,
how would I know what his needs are?
As synchronicity would have it, as part of a political conversation about seeing eye-to eye, he sent me a little course on Non-Violent Communication which delves into the topic of communicating with someone in order to identify his or her needs and ensure that they are getting met.
Okay....
okay....
I guess this is a sign and a signal.
As soon as I clear away the last box from my ex,
I'm going in.
Wish me luck.
Maybe, with any luck, I'll lose the radiation suit, too.
Love ya,
S.