I love this YouTube Video. You call tell the uploader lives near an airport. I do, too. The airplanes give a special roar to my recordings, too. I hate trying to edit them out!
Today I am thankful for holidays. Happy Lithia.
On the bright side, the day is long which means I'll have less night to feel sorry myself.
Hooray!!
Okay, I have no excuse.
Isis helped me. Osiris helped me.
A friend sent me candles. I burned one of them for five minutes.
He showed up within a day. He went away.
I brought them back out. He came back.
I cast spells to bring him a real woman. He went away.
When I thanked the Gods for showing me that I could actually enjoy being around a man, he came back.
Aye Curumba!
I don't know anymore.
Aphrodite and Eros helped me, too.
I squirm. The scars on my face are fading away. I won't say anything about the Chinese finger trap wish.
I loved that one!
There are times it's uncomfortable, so I won't talk about that too much.
Most of the time, it's nice.
Dionysus helped me.
I don't do much with his gift. He's going to take it away again.
I probably should audition for a band or paint again or something...
I don't know...
A friend sent me candles. I burned one of them for five minutes.
He showed up within a day. He went away.
I brought them back out. He came back.
I cast spells to bring him a real woman. He went away.
When I thanked the Gods for showing me that I could actually enjoy being around a man, he came back.
Aye Curumba!
I don't know anymore.
Aphrodite and Eros helped me, too.
I squirm. The scars on my face are fading away. I won't say anything about the Chinese finger trap wish.
I loved that one!
There are times it's uncomfortable, so I won't talk about that too much.
Most of the time, it's nice.
Dionysus helped me.
I don't do much with his gift. He's going to take it away again.
I probably should audition for a band or paint again or something...
I don't know...
I didn't believe the visions.
Okay, I still don't.
Seriously, I must have a massive communication issue with the divine.
I am confused.
I am completely and utterly confused.
My head says he's taking off again because I make him feel disempowered.
The visions say something else.
They say he's here to make me learn about life, love, charity and kindness. He'll help me make up for lost time.
They say I'm going to be incredibly love struck (which means stupid).
That scares me.
Do I do anything about it?
Today is one of the most magical days of the year.
I don't know what to do.
I really don't.
My sisters are singing sweet little love songs and playing flutes.
My brethren are hosting drumming circles and playing flutes.
I'm here alone acting like I've been possessed by an Empusa while listening to dark minor keyed songs that make me feel dreary.
Okay, a real Empusa would have fiery red hair and unshaven legs (kinda like a goat). We all know that unshaven legs are one way to scare the heck out of men so they won't have sex with you. Empusas hate sex because they dislike men. To a sexual vampire, sex would be akin to playing with your food.
I hate stubble. So I can never really get into character.
Bummer....
Still, I feel like chasing off men when I tire of my ex's games.
Tomorrow is a new day....fortunately.
What to do?
What to do?
I'm really lonely.
I want to remedy my heart.
I should ask for work.
I need to fill my wallet first.
I could never let a man take care of me. I have a hard time letting men pay for my dinner. To this day, it irks a couple of my exes. Some of them dive for the check. Some take me out for drinks, I pay. Then they do dinner after I spend my money.
I know they want to be needed -but- daddy taught me that lions are meant to laze around and enjoy the sun.
Lionesses do the hunting.
Maybe I'm screwed up.
That's probably why I'm alone and attract narcissists.
My friend rushes ahead of me to pay for things now.
He's not a narcissist.
I guess paying for things drives old fashioned guys up a wall.
He's a single dad. I made assumptions. I'm an idiot. The first time I did that, I made $150 an hour. I only worked four hours a week but I felt like I should give him a treat. He's my friend.
He looked horrified. I'll stop.
I'm learning that narcissists don't hold the door for you unless other people are watching. To this day, I feel weird when men open the door for me. I'm dealing with it better now.
It is weird when you are not used to it.
I'm getting out of this putting up with narcissists mode I'm in.
I still want a job. I'm thinking a steady job working for someone else will give me benefits and keep my stalkers from finding me.
I'm not sure I can make $150 an hour working for someone else and I can't earn a steady income working for myself. So, I'm thinking that I'd settle for $14 an hour, if I can learn a skill that will help other people.
I've been trying to write a resume for two weeks.
I'm lost.
How does one sell herself on thousands of recordings, published articles, and self-help pieces?
I don't know.
I've got to get health insurance and figure out how to pay the mortgage on my own.
I know what my ex claims he wants in the final financial agreement.
I don't want the house.
I hate this house.
I want the kids to live here so they have their friends and their teachers.
I don't want to live here.
The walls....smell of years of abuse.
I feel stifled here.
I feel alone and hurt here.
I can't be here...I just can't.
It's cheaper for him to give me house and custody. He doesn't want to take care of the kids, they're expensive. He'll have more disposable income if I take them.
I guess I'll have to gut the house when it is over so I can tolerate living here.
I'm rambling....sorry.....
I guess I could cast a spell to find a job.
I'd rather remember how to love someone with more than thoughts.
Without a job, though, I'm a loser.
I need a job.
I should probably cast a spell.
I hate doing that because I do tend to go over board with them.
It's the hour of Jupiter on the Day of Venus.
I need to think about what I truly want.
At least I'm in the right frame of mind.
The Arcadia song cracks me up because some stalking crazy people claim that I'm the devil.
I guess that means I own my own soul, eh?
Yeah, I taught myself to play guitar in exchange for a cigar.
Yep....
Sure....
Whatever....
If you don't get the reference, many cultures believe that Dionysus, Papa Legba, Satan or some other archetype will give you musical talent in exchange for candy, whiskey, wine, or cigars.
I give him vervain or is it vetiver. Whatever it is...it smells pretty good burned on pine.
Hey...I'll teach my crazy stalkers to play bass if they leave me a brass bowl of candy at the edge of driveway!
Chocolate please (well wrapped so the dogs don't get sick)....and whiskey would be a nice touch.
Maybe having people think I'm Satan isn't such a bad thing.
Now, I want to listen to Charlie Daniels.
And if you care, Robert Johnson pretty much details the spell here:
I've never done it. For me, just to tolerate my sound, it takes about 30 hours of practice a week.
Okay....it's late. I'm sorry. I was rambling.....again.
The truth is that I'm confused right now.
Yesterday was a horrible day. My ex sat there telling me that he took me for granted. He wants me back. Yadda....yadda...yadda...
I get this talk every time I move to leave him.
He'll promise me the world if I stay to help him through one more crisis.
He'll even go so far as to write out a little contract.
In the past I'd stay, thinking it was only temporary.
It's always lonely and celibate.
He'll break every promise and leave me with less than I had before he wrote out the contact.
I don't think I'm the devil. I'm not going to sell my soul to the narcissistic devil in my life ever again!!!
He's burned me too much on this.
Besides, I wouldn't know how to halt the divorce at this stage of the game.
Really...I don't.
I am seriously tempted to run out of the house screaming.
Goodness.....maybe I'll try to get some sleep. I'm still not sleeping...at all.
That's why I'm not making much sense.
Love ya,
S.
Seriously, I must have a massive communication issue with the divine.
I am confused.
I am completely and utterly confused.
My head says he's taking off again because I make him feel disempowered.
The visions say something else.
They say he's here to make me learn about life, love, charity and kindness. He'll help me make up for lost time.
They say I'm going to be incredibly love struck (which means stupid).
That scares me.
Do I do anything about it?
****
Today is one of the most magical days of the year.
I don't know what to do.
I really don't.
My sisters are singing sweet little love songs and playing flutes.
My brethren are hosting drumming circles and playing flutes.
I'm here alone acting like I've been possessed by an Empusa while listening to dark minor keyed songs that make me feel dreary.
Okay, a real Empusa would have fiery red hair and unshaven legs (kinda like a goat). We all know that unshaven legs are one way to scare the heck out of men so they won't have sex with you. Empusas hate sex because they dislike men. To a sexual vampire, sex would be akin to playing with your food.
I hate stubble. So I can never really get into character.
Bummer....
Still, I feel like chasing off men when I tire of my ex's games.
Tomorrow is a new day....fortunately.
****
What to do?
What to do?
I'm really lonely.
I want to remedy my heart.
I should ask for work.
I need to fill my wallet first.
I could never let a man take care of me. I have a hard time letting men pay for my dinner. To this day, it irks a couple of my exes. Some of them dive for the check. Some take me out for drinks, I pay. Then they do dinner after I spend my money.
I know they want to be needed -but- daddy taught me that lions are meant to laze around and enjoy the sun.
Lionesses do the hunting.
Maybe I'm screwed up.
That's probably why I'm alone and attract narcissists.
My friend rushes ahead of me to pay for things now.
He's not a narcissist.
I guess paying for things drives old fashioned guys up a wall.
He's a single dad. I made assumptions. I'm an idiot. The first time I did that, I made $150 an hour. I only worked four hours a week but I felt like I should give him a treat. He's my friend.
He looked horrified. I'll stop.
I'm learning that narcissists don't hold the door for you unless other people are watching. To this day, I feel weird when men open the door for me. I'm dealing with it better now.
It is weird when you are not used to it.
I'm getting out of this putting up with narcissists mode I'm in.
****
I still want a job. I'm thinking a steady job working for someone else will give me benefits and keep my stalkers from finding me.
I'm not sure I can make $150 an hour working for someone else and I can't earn a steady income working for myself. So, I'm thinking that I'd settle for $14 an hour, if I can learn a skill that will help other people.
I've been trying to write a resume for two weeks.
I'm lost.
How does one sell herself on thousands of recordings, published articles, and self-help pieces?
I don't know.
I've got to get health insurance and figure out how to pay the mortgage on my own.
****
I know what my ex claims he wants in the final financial agreement.
I don't want the house.
I hate this house.
I want the kids to live here so they have their friends and their teachers.
I don't want to live here.
The walls....smell of years of abuse.
I feel stifled here.
I feel alone and hurt here.
I can't be here...I just can't.
It's cheaper for him to give me house and custody. He doesn't want to take care of the kids, they're expensive. He'll have more disposable income if I take them.
I guess I'll have to gut the house when it is over so I can tolerate living here.
I'm rambling....sorry.....
I guess I could cast a spell to find a job.
I'd rather remember how to love someone with more than thoughts.
Without a job, though, I'm a loser.
I need a job.
I should probably cast a spell.
I hate doing that because I do tend to go over board with them.
It's the hour of Jupiter on the Day of Venus.
I need to think about what I truly want.
At least I'm in the right frame of mind.
****
The Arcadia song cracks me up because some stalking crazy people claim that I'm the devil.
I guess that means I own my own soul, eh?
Yeah, I taught myself to play guitar in exchange for a cigar.
Yep....
Sure....
Whatever....
If you don't get the reference, many cultures believe that Dionysus, Papa Legba, Satan or some other archetype will give you musical talent in exchange for candy, whiskey, wine, or cigars.
I give him vervain or is it vetiver. Whatever it is...it smells pretty good burned on pine.
Hey...I'll teach my crazy stalkers to play bass if they leave me a brass bowl of candy at the edge of driveway!
Chocolate please (well wrapped so the dogs don't get sick)....and whiskey would be a nice touch.
Maybe having people think I'm Satan isn't such a bad thing.
Now, I want to listen to Charlie Daniels.
And if you care, Robert Johnson pretty much details the spell here:
I've never done it. For me, just to tolerate my sound, it takes about 30 hours of practice a week.
****
Okay....it's late. I'm sorry. I was rambling.....again.
The truth is that I'm confused right now.
Yesterday was a horrible day. My ex sat there telling me that he took me for granted. He wants me back. Yadda....yadda...yadda...
I get this talk every time I move to leave him.
He'll promise me the world if I stay to help him through one more crisis.
He'll even go so far as to write out a little contract.
In the past I'd stay, thinking it was only temporary.
It's always lonely and celibate.
He'll break every promise and leave me with less than I had before he wrote out the contact.
I don't think I'm the devil. I'm not going to sell my soul to the narcissistic devil in my life ever again!!!
He's burned me too much on this.
Besides, I wouldn't know how to halt the divorce at this stage of the game.
Really...I don't.
I am seriously tempted to run out of the house screaming.
Goodness.....maybe I'll try to get some sleep. I'm still not sleeping...at all.
That's why I'm not making much sense.
Love ya,
S.