Today I am thankful for my ex's admissions of guilt.
I could not sleep last night. Every time I heard something move, I thought my ex was coming up the stairs to hurt me.
He hasn't done anything like that before. Usually, he hits the walls or breaks things. He does corner me but he's never struck me on purpose.
After he threatened to shoot his mother and sister, I became afraid.
I can't eat.
I can't drink.
I literally fainted when he came home. I'm still shaking from his threat last night. If I stand up, I get dizzy. I'm spending the evening sitting alone.
I truly don't know how to proceed.
He said he'd be home in time for me to go to the courthouse. He wasn't. He sauntered in an hour after they closed. If he doesn't sign the papers, I'm going to have to find the money to have him served.
How did this happen?
How does a man screw with a woman to the point she has nothing?
He did, however, admit to contacting his family to ask them to stalk people around me.
He IS the stalker.
He's never admitted to asking them to stalk me.
Let me tell you how that went down.
I asked what address the retirement fund and savings account statements were being mailed.
He immediately flew into a rage because he thought that I only want that information to hurt him.
NO!
When he settled down I explained that I hadn't seen a statement in a couple of years. I'm missing mail. If he truly believes that his sister is stalking me and that she is coming by the house, what is to stop her from stealing the mail.
He didn't understand the big deal.
The stalker would have his work address and information about his bank. She could harass him at work and put him at risk of losing his job.
He said that he wasn't worried about it.
That's when I said that he must know more about the stalking than he is letting on.
If he's not afraid, there must be a reason why.
That's when he told me part of the truth. I don't think he told me everything but it is enough to help me feel less crazy about it.
At this point he admitted to using his family to stalk my friends, including my high school sweetheart fifteen years after I last spoke to him. He found the painting Tom had given me and wanted it returned without my knowledge. He asked his cousin Rhonda to find him in 2004. Tom came back in 2008. He was worried about me and I had no clue why. He came back to visit me on 4-15-10 (a day my ex took my van, so I had to use his decrepit car with seats held up with paving stones. They had compressed due to his 500 pound frame. Tom gave me no end of grief for driving that hunk of junk). Then we were stalked when he checked up on me on 1-11-11.
Last year, my ex admitted to asking his family to stalk Tom in 2004.
I am livid!!
Don't....ever....mess....with...a....woman's....first....love! He belongs in the past. Leave the man there!!!
I think they were comfortable stalking Tom and I because they were already stalking me.
My ex continued to say that he knew that if he complained about someone, his sister or cousin would fix it. If he complained about a neighbor, his sister would threaten the neighbor with a gun. If he said he did not want me in school, they'd harass me on campus.
He swears up and down that he doesn't know why they stalked me in my hometown. I do!!! I know!!! Tom was in town!!
He started to talk about some of the things he shared with his family that set them off.
The last thing he did was tell his mother that he won't talk to her because of how she treats me. That was Valentine's Day of this year. My Facebook account was hacked twice a few days later. Shannon tweeted that she was using a gym in my neighborhood; my brand new back door lock was mangled that night. Shannon lives and works 45 miles away, so I'm not exactly in her neighborhood.
I don't read her tweets. My ex told me about it. In fact, he warned me that Shannon was going to stalk me. How did he know? She must have told him.
This is tiring. It is exhausting. I can't play this game anymore.
Why can't he be like a normal guy and like.....like......play darts, have a workshop, hang out with other men, or anything else but scheme and mess around in my business and life.
This is NOT going to happen again.
This is what I am going to do for any future relationship. I vow to print off and frame a photo of a buff Rambo looking scary guy with a machine gun and put that in a box called secret love affair. I'm going to put romantic cards in it and cheapo stuffed animals and hide it in a drawer with the undies I buy but decide to be too old to wear.
If I get stalked, they'll find the underwear drawer. They'll sniff the undies.* Then they'll find that box. Maybe if they think I'm cheating on the guy I love with this photo-shop fake scary dude, they'll be afraid of facing him and leave us alone.
It would be fun.
Or, I could buy my ex a dating site membership and hope he gets a new girlfriend.
Oooh...can I really do that to another human being?
NO!!
Photoshop Rambo it is!!
Maybe I can buy some cheap frilly undies from Hong Kong on Ebay for my fake-out drawer. Hong Kong undies never fit American women. We're too fat! So, I would never wear 'em.
(yeah....TMI...hey, their sick puppies that is what sick pups do - all you've got to do is ask my security cam - it knows too much).
I'm joking.
At least it is amusing.
more:
While on the phone with the Sheriff this morning, I found a letter from my deceased father-in-law complaining about Shannon having a personal issue with me but he wanted to reassure us that they were not trying to pressure me to divorce him. This letter was sent in 2001.
His dad also wrote to say that we were expected to meet with him, his wife, and his daughter -but- we were not allowed to address anything that happened in the past (like the stalking that was going on since 1992). That may be why I never saw the letter.
It is confusing me.
Why would my father-in-law write that? It points to family dysfunction and a narcissistic system. It had the "You are expected to" comply component with a demand that we sweep important issues under the rug.
It's obvious that Shannon has issues with me that extend beyond her brother. At least she did back in 2001. He wrote that some things were said that cannot be taken back. Now, I haven't spoken to them since 1999. I know that the gossip is that I threatened to kill my mother-in-law on a day I spent $100 hiring a photographer to take pictures of her other grandchild because she claimed she couldn't afford to have them done.
If I were intent upon killing my mother-in-law, it was only with kindness.
Why would I waste my grocery money helping her if I wanted to harm her?
That makes no sense.
I'll save the letter in case my mother-in-law holds true to her threat to sue for visitation. It points to a narcissistic system complete with threats. There is no way she'll win any type of visitation.
That's one monkey off of my back.
I may be able to use that to get a restraining order. I showed the letter to my ex and he said that his father sent a more abusive one a couple of years later. I've never seen that one.
I'm officially creeped out.
I did ask again when I can move out.
He walked away and went into his basement apartment.
He expects me to stay here to take care of the kids.
He won't move out.
Either he leaves or we do.
I am terrified of him.
I'm having trouble thinking clearly today. I've been bombarded with a lot of information. A friend of mine had a teenage son arrested for domestic violence, so I have been researching the laws. They've changed quite a bit in the past few years.
If the cops had investigated my ex's threat, he'd be long gone.
It's amazing how abusive the system has become.
I told him to stop lying.
I had no idea that just raging, punching the wall, and threatening to kill relatives would get someone arrested and left with a permanent record. He couldn't be with me if I had my gun. I'd have an automatic restraining order. He'd be forced to purchase 36 weeks worth of cut rate therapy (it doesn't work).
What a racket!!
I told him I wanted to protect him from that. If his sister stalks me without his consent and hurts me, this is the minimum of what the cops will do to him if he's blamed for stalking me.
I needed to document the truth in order to protect him.
I told him to cut the crap and tell me the truth.