Today I am thankful that I've noticed that my heart is dumb.
Geesh!
It's eff'in stupid.
I don't know if I can say why without hurting the other person too much.
My Leo friend allegedly cut me off because I talk to politicians. He'd rather ignore politics because giving control freaks attention legitimises their abuse of power.
Oh, like that is really going to do anything to change an oppressive system!
How many people has he saved from jail?
Huh?
How many things has he changed?
Huh?
Does he get letters from people in his city telling him what is going on?
Huh?
I'm beginning to think that the anarchist movement is the brainchild of the ruling statists to waste the energy of the people who would otherwise challenge them.
Or else it is a movement of wanna-be activists who are too afraid to act out of fear of a drone or two circling above their abode.
I've got to do something else.
This guy is not good for my brain.
Then I had to read my damn weekly horriblescope:
If you feel attracted to an intimate someone, let them reach in and touch your soul. If you feel antsy about a commitment, give it all you have.
That unicorn won't fly this week.
It gets worse.
In the spirit of curiosity, I actually cast our horrible scopes.
Yeah, my mommy was an astrologer. I know the talk.
He doesn't like that kind of fluff and fantasy, so maybe it would be just the thing to push him away.
Let's see....
Oh holy crap, I get to be the horny one this time.
His Venus Conjuncts My Pluto - oh, all we want is to screw...nice...no wonder he runs off. This is the one where the obsession to f'ck gets worse over time. I don't know....we've got to work once in a while.
His Venus and sun are also my Moon - this is why we click. I understand him. He is the embodiment of my f'd up emotional state. He is everything that I try to hide about myself; the fact I tend to wind up in the limelight, the fact I can't stand people who don't know crap putting me down, the fact that I want everyone to be happy and enjoy the party of life.
Oh, that poor, poor man.
His Venus conjunct my Venus - we want to do the same funky crap if we ever get around to...you know.
His Mars conjunct my Sun - he pursues love like I pursue housework. There is an OCD clean streak going on...that's actually hot. He's so clean I could eat off of him. Cool!
I bet his Condo is super clean.
My Venus Conjunct his Sun - I think he's perfect.
There are others, I'm just too tired to go through it all.
We are talking crazy, horny, insane crap.
It'll either be very good -or- very, very, very bad in a insane way or in a funky way.
It depends on how much we talk to each other and are honest about what we want.
So basically, the horoscope reads like a karmic relationship. I swore off love and he's here to prove to me that I'm wrong. We start off with trust issues and we may or may not work it out. It's supposed to start off rocky and get better.
We have to stop hiding stuff from each other if we want it to work.
And we can't try to save the other or we will both drown! He wants to save me. I want to kick the crap out of the people who screwed him over.
Both actions would only serve to dis-empower the other.
Got it!!!
Some people read it as a twin soul relationship. I don't know....we are really different and yeah, that is what it is. We are so different that if we learn to talk, we could actually get stuff done because one of us can do what the other cannot.
Except spelling...we both can't spell when we are emotional.
We both see the world in opposite ways, how does one learn to overcome that? He's rational. I'm irrational. He's macro. I'm micro. He's logical and realistic. I'm intuitive and empathic.
I actually sat down at a book store and started to read a book on physics. Maybe I'll go back and buy it for reference.
The changing my world view stuff is staring already.
Ooooh.....this love is scary!
I've got one foot out of the state.
I am flippin' terrified.
So, I'm trying to use astrology as an excuse to run off and hide.
I wonder how far I could get without missing my friend?
He cut me off and insulted my friends.
The Scorpios told me to never see him again.
The Cancers and Pisces just thought he was horny, lonely, or high. They said he'd come back.
My ex called him a fool for making a scene and running off.
I was incredibly hurt.
After two weeks, I began sobbing when another handsome, middle-aged, bald, sparkly blue-eyed Leo asked if I was into open relationships.
No!
This guy was an older version of my friend.
He made me miss him.
I think it's going down the wrong way.
Maybe if we just stopped talking.
That would just make the tension worse.
If we screw, the friendship gets ruined.
Maybe we should be friends...
and when we know we can get along
and my stalker runs off....
perhaps then we can add wine with damaina to the mix....
and see what happens.
Or we can make out in front of the stalker and his sister so he'll sign the divorce paperwork faster.
I don't know.
I'll pray about it.
This love business is going to throw me for a damn loop.
Every time I see him, I silently say to myself
"I love you. I am so sorry."
He actually has my sympathy. Love has never gone well for me.
I think I know why he cut me off for two weeks, I was driving him crazy. Politics didn't have a damn thing to do with it.
The energy is driving us insane.
I thought he'd forget about me.
I thought I'd forget about him.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Man, oh man....this is driving me up a wall, too.
Love ya,
S.