Today I am thankful for the right to remain silent.
I am incredibly speechless.
I need banged.
It certainly does not help that people are claiming that the Big Bang Theory is dead. It's not.
It just doesn't pertain to astrophysics anymore.
Some of us have our own big bang theories.
No matter.....
Those are examples of social commentary from which I will refrain.
*****
I'm stuck in this house...with my ex.
We've had several major storms over the past five days. The roads are beginning to buckle. Most of the day, they have been closed.
I'm not happy.
My ex is feeling better.
I'm not.
Here is my dilemma.
The X is promising me A, B, + C.
Heck, he's promising me the whole dang alphabet.
My question is Y?
He wants sex.
It's not going to happen.
I told him a little story about a man who fell in love in 1992.
He got married in 1997 and after 90 days decided that his wife was his mother.
Within two years, they didn't sleep together anymore.
His wife was mom.
He hated his mother.
He would call his wife mom and say he didn't have to listen to her.
He moved into the basement.
He grew up in the basement in his mother's house.
He rebels when it comes to chores.
He plays games with the family finances.
He fought.
He cried.
He whined like a little baby.
For nearly a decade, he promised his wife a divorce when he found a full time job.
He found one.
She filed.
Sadly, the mediated divorce agreement goes so far as to address her care taking of her ex.
She's to cook for him. She's to celebrate holidays with him.
Who is the mother figure still?
Hell NO!
The legal team had a stroke of genius typing up the document, they added the phrase "so long as all parties are still comfortable with..." to the demand that I cook for him.
Thank goodness!
Today, he was trying to hug me.
I squirmed away.
I swallowed vomit.
I asked him to get help for fifteen years. He refused. I can't deal with this anymore.
I finally told him....it's high time for mommy to see other people!
Gawd....then I had this incredibly yucky thought....
What if he makes my new BFF a step-father figure?
That would completely creep me out.
Oh lord....
I don't know what to do.
I really don't.
****
As he was trying to move in for sex,
and I was squirming away telling him that I don't remember how to do that,
he began to talk.
Actually that is nice.
We spoke about finishing the divorce up this week.
That's all clear.
It's up to the judge.
My ex wants the divorce to go through.
Here's the rub.
The divorce does not signal the end of our relationship in my ex's eyes.
He thinks....he thinks he has a shot with me if I don't sleep with other men.
Uh....
uh.....
uh....
Hmmmmm......
Well.....
Hmmmmm......
Alrighty then....
Then he tried to kiss me.
He never brushes his teeth.
Nope....nada...zilch....
I asked him to seek therapy.
I had to flat out tell him that I could never see myself getting intimate with him again. I need to feel a connection. I need to be able to have honest eye contact. Those things will probably never happen again.
Painful...yes....but less painful that it was a few years ago.
I remember that there were years when the only physical contact I had was when frenemy politicians hugged me after debating them. I would go home and cry in my empty bed.
My bed is still empty.
He wants to stay married to me?
Y?
*****
I need to go visit with one of my Scorpio friends.
They'll tell me how to end it.
They've been pretty good coaching me thus far.
He can't find sex?
Well, that is not my problem.
He wants me?
Well, that's not my problem either.
Do I want sex with some guy?
Then I need to tell him!
I need to go hang out with my lovely November coaches.
They make it all sound so easy.
I wonder if one of them is available for a little chat.
They'll help me figure out what to say!
Love ya,
S.