Songs

 

Today I am thankful for the power of a song.

I'm in tears again. 

It is over a song that I have heard hundreds of times since the day I was born.  Maybe I've heard it a thousand times. 

My auntie had a crush on Ringo. 

I guess that is beside the point. 

Well, maybe it is not. 

I've heard this song a thousand times.

I thought the song was about a simple crush. 

I thought the song was about a simple touch. 

At most, I thought it was about someone wanting to explore touching in very private ways that people do not generally discuss in public.

My friend sent it to me the other day and I took for granted what it meant. 

Then, I really listened to it. 

I assumed all he wanted was physical touch. 

He was sad that I missed the message. 

Ah....I forgot that he is a romantic at heart. 

I owe him an apology. 

It's not about hand holding.  It is about defining another human being as your partner.  At least, this is how I take it. 

I love the little line about not being able to hide one's love. 

No...I haven't caught him.... yet. 

By the time men reach my age, they're awfully darn good about concealing such things. 

What a shame! 

The lesson here is that when a man who is detail oriented sends you a song to express his feelings - LISTEN TO THE SONG!!! 

 

A little over two years ago, my friend was giving a speech about the nature of energy.  It was a beautiful speech, especially when he spoke about how energy of opposite charges have a tendency to intertwine around each other.  The way he looked into my eyes when he gave it made me a little scared, a little aroused, and a little red in the face. 

 

Earlier this year, he mentioned wanting me to be his partner.  Men always say dorky stuff to get you into bed, so I didn't really believe him....too much. 

He seemed sincere but I was stuck here.  I told him so.  I think it hurt him.

 

 This spring, he left my presence and cut me out of his life for two weeks. 

My friends told me to never see him again. 

I couldn't do that.

He came back later and told me that he lives to make me happy. 

  

That scared me because I believe him. 

  

Something inside me doubts that anyone could really love me.  I thought that if he actually spent time with me he'd run off, or see how ugly I am without make-up, or get freaked out when I drive. 

 

Nope. 

 

 

I guess not. 

 

 

I guess I'll stop running and face my fears.  I'm not sure he'll want me if this drags out another 90 days.  

 

I'll never forgive myself if I don't follow my heart. 

 

I'll just take this time to get a good job, fix myself, and see if my friend and I have what it takes to grow our connection.

   

You know it comes down to being with the person you can't live without. 

  

I don't know if I can live without my friend. 

 

I know I can live without him -but- he has a way of making the world a more interesting place. 

It is a beautiful mental connection.  It's like we can build sculptures from stones.  He has a random pile of quantitative data (facts, figures, theories).  I have a random pile of qualitative data (social psychology, art history, mythology).  Together we piece the our collection of rocks together and build beautiful new theories based on what we know. 

Knowing him, he'll want to test them someday.

I'm not sure I'd go so far to say he completes me.  He just makes everything better, more beautiful, more honest, and more understandable.

He helps me answer deep philosophical questions. 

He helped me find my footing.  My foundation seemed a little unstable but now I have confidence that I have planted myself on solid ground.

He's a great friend.  I dare say he's become my best friend.  I don't like labeling him that way, though.

Love is like a rose in that it won't thrive under pressure. 

 

Labels can be a form of pressure. 

I'll pray about it.  It's when you are faced with losing someone special that you end up reflecting on who that person is to you and how much he or she means to you. 

I spent the past couple of days doing that.  I am happy my friend is in my life. 

I need to do things differently. 

The first thing I need to do is LISTEN with my heart. 

Love ya,

S.